|Seven| Searching all my days just to find you…I’m not sure who I’m looking for…

Emma was sobbing uncontrollably at this point. Elijah was comforting her the best he could, rubbing her back, muttering reassurances.

“I’ve never told anyone the whole story before,” she cried, shaking her head. “I’ve told Lily bits and pieces but not the whole story. I lied to Dr. Johansen about that…”

“Shhh…it’s alright,” he said quietly. He smoothed back her head and kissed her forehead. “It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not even over yet!” She wailed, collapsing into heart wrenching sobs. She’d cried a lot in her life, but never so dramatically and certainly not in front of some guy she scarcely knew. The old Emma would have been horrified to display such emotion in front of a guy (especially a good looking one) but this Emma didn’t care. She just didn’t care anymore.

“What happened next?” He asked her softly.

She stopped crying enough to talk. And a few moments later, she’d stopped hiccupping. “After I called 9-1-1 I went back into the living room. But the blood, Elijah, my God, it was everywhere. Just…all over the place. I got out there in enough time to grab his arm before he could stab her. He had just been slicing her…apparently. According to the rescue worker anyway. But, I grabbed his arm. He was too strong for me.” She shivered and he pulled her closer. She was thankful for his warmth. Not to mention the lovely glow the fire offered, the orange and red sparks licking at the logs and providing Emma with the warmth she craved. At least from something inanimate.

“He threw me across the room, called me names. Everything you can think of. The ambulance arrived just in time to see him stab her…in the chest. They restrained him the best they could, he was trying to come after me next. God, I was scared. I didn’t let any of them near me. I remember just huddling next to my mother’s body…in all her blood. I was in shock.” A choking sob interrupted her. “They finally pried me away but I was crying like a maniac and yelling at my mom that she’d be okay.”

Emma took a deep breath, wiping her teary eyes. She looked at Elijah. “She heard me. The paramedics managed to get me about a foot from her body and they started checking me for injuries. She said she loved me…” Tears filled her eyes again. “She said she’d always be with me…and she said she was sorry. I told her I was sorry, that it was my fault.” They loaded her into an ambulance but by the time I arrived at the hospital, she was gone.”

Elijah sighed, wiping a stray tear from her cheek…and a few from his own. “What happened after that?”

“My sorry excuse for a stepfather was apprehended and taken to jail. My aunt and uncle…they…took me away. To a facility back East. I was so depressed about losing her. And I blamed myself. I still blame myself. I killed her, Elijah, I fucking killed my own mother.” Emma was rocking back and forth now, crying her already bleary eyes out. The tears stung and she winced with every one that escaped.

“Emma,” he replied sternly. “You did NOT kill your mother. Your stepfather did.”

Emma shook her head, “Well, I LET him. I LET him do that to her! She would NEVER have let him do that to me. She protected me with her life, Elijah. Whenever she could.”

Elijah leaned his forehead against his, his eyes boring into hers. “Listen to me, Emma. It is not your fault. You did all that you could. He was too far gone and…there was nothing you could do. He was no match for you. You’re lucky he didn’t kill you too. I’m sure your mom was proud of you…and I’m sure she’d never blame you.”

“I blamed me. She didn’t have to. It didn’t matter. I tried to kill myself.” She swallowed the tears that were threatening to break free. “Slit my wrists.” She held out her wrists and he could see some tiny, white scars there. He felt awful. Elijah looked longingly at this wounded bird in front of him and it took all his restraints not to scoop her up in his arms and kiss her all over…kiss her pain away. But she was upset, in a bad mind frame. This wasn’t the time for him to loose control of his emotions. She threw her hands in the air and looked at the ground, ashamed. “I was so stupid.”

Elijah‘s voice was stern, “No. You weren’t. You have to forgive yourself, Em.”

She looked at him, a small smile on her lips. “My mom used to call me Em. No one else ever has.”

He smiled a little and took a deep breath. Elijah mulled over the exact words he wanted to use for a few seconds. It had to come out correctly, what he was about to say. “I can help you get through this.”

Emma rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you. You are the only person who hasn’t regarded me as a murderer.”

“A murderer?” He gasped, angry and shocked. “What the hell?”

“My friends…they never spoke to me again. I mean, I know it’s only been three months since…but…still…”

“They were never your friends in the first place, then,” he stated simply.

Emma didn‘t seem to hear him, she pressed on. “My aunt and uncle were scared of me. I quit school, obviously…left the ‘facility’ and was transported here. Back home.”

“God,” he said.

“Yeah,” she replied. “I know.”

“Where…” he swallowed hard. “Where is your stepfather now?”

Emma glanced at him, “Jail. I guess. I went to a hearing…I had to testify against him. That was a month ago. I think. I can’t really remember. Dr. Johansen said I blocked out the painful memories...except the ones she keeps pounding into my brain. Anyway. I saw him there. He grinned at me like a maniac and I remember feeling so sick…just, really sick. I’m pretty sure I threw up. I don’t remember. But I woke up here.”

“A month ago,” repeated Elijah. “That’s it?”

“Yeah,” she replied, still rocking back and forth. “It seems like forever.”

Emma and Elijah, a few hours later, finally went back to the hospital. Visiting hours were far over but he was allowed in because he was escorting her in a ‘fragile state.’ The nurses and doctors fussed over Emma, but she didn’t notice, nor put up a fight. She was just thinking. Thinking about how she lived so long without Elijah. She couldn’t fathom that she had made it this far without someone like him by her side.

That scared her more than a gleaming knife in the hand of a cold blooded murderer.

*

Despite the fact that Emma had unloaded the whole, gruesome tale, she wasn’t suddenly cured. She wasn’t suddenly feeling like her old self. And she certainly wasn’t on top of the world. Far from it, actually.

After unloading the story, she felt vulnerable and scared.

Emma lay in bed all the following day. She awoke in the late morning but did not dress nor get out of bed. She pulled the covers up to her chin and pleaded stomach cramps. She missed her therapy session as well as all the meals that were served. Her stomach begged to be fed, but she did not wield it.

She knew what was going on, she could feel it. She was falling deeper into despair. Into depression. That dark hole that swallows you whole and won’t let go until you force yourself to take that huge, first step. That first step would not be taken today.

Emma was beginning to worry her nurses. Not to mention Lily and Elijah who sat in Lily’s room wondering where she was. Emma had broken her promise to Lily but that was not the problem here.

The problem was digging past the outward appearance of the young woman with a stomach ache and seeing the dying little girl inside.

Emma even refused to go see Lily. Lily had pestered the nurse to ask numerous times, but Emma declined. And she wouldn’t see Elijah either, she requested she not be bothered.

Elijah went home, sunk into his bed, and slept for twenty-four hours.

*

When Elijah returned the following day, nothing had changed. Lily was still hooked up to so many machines that he couldn’t even believe she could still move. What with all those things poking into her.

Emma was curled up in a ball, laying on her bed and running her fingers over the smooth linen sheets. The birds chirped outside, but she didn’t watch them. She heard them, yes, but she didn’t even care. The memories were back, in the front of her mind. No longer were they hidden behind happier, better things. She was living a nightmare. She was but a version of her former self. It was like she wasn’t even living anymore. She was just…there. Taking up space.

Dr. Johansen does not like to be ‘stood up’ and especially not by one of her more important patients. So that day, the doctor made a house call. Or, I suppose, a room call.

She knocked on the door and waited for directions. “Go away.”

“Emma. It’s Dr. Johansen. We need to talk.”

Emma turned over on her bed, burying her head under a pillow. She was trying to drown out the world, shut herself off. She didn’t want to go back…amongst the living. What she wanted more than anything was to die. To cease all existence and abort her life.

It was like being on an airplane that was about to crash. Do you jump beforehand and escape further pain? Or do you wait it out and see how it ends? Emma wanted to jump. She didn’t want to feel anymore pain.

“Dr. Johansen?” Elijah asked cautiously, stepping up behind the doctor. She was easily a foot taller than him in her huge heals. “What’s going on? Is Emma alright?”

Dr. Johansen glanced at the closed door and then back on Elijah’s worried face. “No. She’s not alright, Elijah. Not at all. She hasn’t come out since you brought her back two days ago. She won’t speak to anyone and just lies in bed according to the nurses’ reports.” Dr. Johansen sighed heavily. “I think talking about what happened to her did worse than good.”

Elijah’s brow furrowed and he leaned against the wall beside her door. “What can I do?” He asked, looking pointedly at the doctor.

Dr. Johansen felt for this boy in front of her. This boy who was so obviously willing to do anything for this girl he barely knew. “She just needs a friend.”

“I already tried that,” replied Elijah sounding frustrated. “And I seem to have killed her.”

“Just talk to her. Make her realize it’s not her fault her mother died.”

“She blames herself,” stated Elijah unnecessarily.

“Yes, I know,” replied the doctor quietly. “The trial for her stepfather has been moved up. It’s not in three months like before---”

“That’s why she said she had to be here for three months!” Elijah said, standing up straighter, the pieces of the puzzle having finally fell into place. “She’s supposed to stay here until the trial.”

Dr. Johansen nodded, “She was supposed to stay in safety until he was behind bars for life. Until his sentence is decided. Now…she doesn’t have much time to prepare herself. She has to testify otherwise he could just be in there a year. With her testimony, she can send him away for life. Or to the gas chamber.”

Elijah’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God.” He licked his lips, glancing at the door. “What are we going to do?”

Dr. Johansen would have smiled at his devotion had it not been for the severity of this situation. It was hardly time for levity, in any form. “She has two weeks. That’s all.”

“Who will go with her, though? She can’t go alone…she’s…” he glanced at the door again and lowered his voice. “She wants so much to be strong, I can see that in her. She’s fighting for her old life back. But she’s weak. I know you know it. She knows it too. I don’t want to see anything happen to her. I---I don’t know her that well, but I WANT to know her.”

Dr. Johansen placed a hand lightly on Elijah’s shoulder. “She’s lucky to have met you.”

Elijah’s face remained stoic. “I want to help her.”