|Two| Looking back on old love…Or lack thereof…

Elijah Wood, twenty-one years old, slid himself out of his car and shut the door. It’s loud bang caused birds in nearby trees to fly off, frightened. His is the only car in the parking lot on this fine day.

Glen Oak Rehabilitation Center’s large brown sign sat in front of its brick exterior. The building looked very welcoming on the outside, but looks can be deceiving. On the inside, it was mostly just like any other hospital anyone had ever been in. But it’s looks, especially it’s well cared for landscape, gave it the impression that it was a large family home owned by some multi-millionaire.

That was Elijah’s first thought when he got a good look at it. His stomach ache even subsided enough for him to walk to the front door. When he swung the heavy door open, his stomach ache immediately returned. It was just like a hospital. The outside was like a mirage, a mean, conniving mirage. It let you feel welcome and at home and then, once you saw the inside, the truth of all of it reared its ugly head.

He looked down at his white Nikes, forcing them with his mind to move, to take a step. He had to do this for himself. Had to do this for his sister and the rest of his family. This was important. And he was strong. He could handle this.

One foot stepped inside, followed closely by the other. The door swung closed behind him, rusting his crisp blue t-shirt and ruffling his soft brown hair. He walked over to the receptionist desk, a chill going over his entire body. He was glad he’d brought a sweatshirt. Problem was, it was in his car and he knew if he left now he probably wouldn’t muster enough guts to return.

“Hi,” he tried to smile at the woman sitting there, but he felt really sick and he knew he was ghostly pale. He swallowed, looking like he was going to be sick. “I need the room number for Lily Wood.”

The woman nodded, typing the name on the computer. “Psychiatric Ward, Room 220, sir.”

“Thank you,” he said, pushing himself away from the desk and going towards the elevator.

*

“Emma, if you need to talk you need to come see me.” Doctor Johansen said, her kind eyes smiling at Emma, conveying warmth and friendliness. “I know you were told to keep at a safe distance from the patients here because…well, you know why, but I know you have grown very close to Lillian Wood---”

“It’s Lily. She hates being called Lillian.” Emma said, her eyes on her flip-flops. She wiggled her toes, examining her pink polish.

“You and Lily are good friends and I know this is hard for you. So, what I’m trying to say is that you have your whole life ahead of you. You’re only nineteen.”

“Lily is only sixteen,” countered Emma, her eyes blazing.

“Yes,” said Doctor Johansen, her voice soft. “But Lily is terminally ill and you are not.”

“Dr. Johansen, I need to go see her. I promised I’d be there by eleven. May I go, please?” Emma looked up at Doctor Johansen, but did not let her eyes fall on the older woman’s. “It’s important to me to spend as much time with her as I can right now.”

“I understand that, Emma. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Emma nodded and left the room. She walked the short trek down the ‘mental ward’ and pushed through door 220. She closed the door softly behind her. Lily was lying in bed watching some sappy movie on television. Emma lowered herself in the seat beside the bed.

Lily pushed the volume button and the yelling on the screen lowered. “So how did it go today?” She coughed and Emma handed her a cup of water.

“Fine,” replied Emma, drumming her fingernails on the chair’s hard edged armrests. “Regular stuff. She keeps trying to blame all my behavior on other things. Not on the one thing that happened. She thinks that I acted the way I did because of my childhood. But, damn, Lily. It wasn’t my fucking childhood that pushed me over the edge, it was---”

There was a knock on the door. Emma sank lower in her chair as Lily said ‘come in’. The door creaked open, revealing a relatively short guy with floppy brown hair and bright blue eyes. His smile was forced, Emma could tell straight away, but his sincere eyes gave his emotions away. They told her that he was glad to be there, but not so glad at the same time. Like he hated seeing her like this. Emma immediately assumed this guy was Lily’s older brother.

Lily smiled, “Lijah.”

“Lil,” he replied, approaching the bed after he’d closed the door. He gave her a short hug and then glanced around the room, his eyes finally falling on Emma in the chair. “Hey,” he said to her.

“Hi,” she replied, standing up.

He walked towards her, “I’m Elijah.” He shook her hand.

“Emma. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Oh, so you’re the famous Emma.” Elijah said, his voice kind and gentle.

“I guess so,” laughed Emma. She glanced at Lily who was beaming quite literally.

“I’m so glad you two have finally met. The two most important people in my life.” She coughed again and sipped at her water carefully. She set the cup down. While Elijah and Lily got caught up, she wondered how much Elijah knew about her. And, more over, wondered if Lily had told him WHY Emma was there in the first place. She didn’t easily talk about and really only discussed it with Lily and Dr. Johansen if she weaseled it out of her.

“Are you okay?” Elijah asked, peering into her eyes. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. Looking around the room, she noticed they were alone.

“Where’s Lily?”

“Treatment,” he replied. “She told me you’d keep me company. She also said you’d stop spacing out after five or so minutes. It only took one.” He smiled at her and sighed. “You don’t really have to stay. I can hang here ‘til she gets back.”

Emma sat back in her seat while Elijah perched at the edge of the bed. “It’s fine. I really don’t mind.”

He nodded. “How long have you known Lily?”

“Two months,” she answered simply, picking at an invisible spot on her jeans. Avoiding eye contact again.

“So are you----?”

“No,” she replied quickly. “I’m not sick. Physically.” She swallowed hard and shrugged. “I’m----”

“You don’t have to tell me,” he said gently, his voice feeling warm. It provided the kind of comfort that a favorite toy or blanket would have when you were little. She suddenly felt happy for no reason she could place.

Emma nodded slowly. “Do you want to take a walk?”

Elijah looked at her, catching her eye. He held her eyes, not letting them move. “Yeah.”

*

Elijah and Emma, both sporting light jackets, walked around the beautiful lawns. The sun was shining down on them and Emma almost felt normal again. Walking around with a boy, getting to know him. But then she’d remind herself that she wasn’t normal and she’d feel awkward all of a sudden. Elijah, who seemed very perceptive, always picked up on it. He asked her if she was alright each time she tensed up.

Emma lowered herself onto a wooden bench and Elijah sat beside her.

“I’m in here because I----I needed treatment but not the kind Lily gets.” She stared out, off into the distance. His presence was soothing to her and also irritating. She wanted to spill out her whole entire story to him the second he caught her eye. With a small smile, she wanted to explain everything. When he laughed, she wanted to forget who she really was and become a regular girl who was allowed to like a regular guy.

Elijah squinted up at the sun. “Lily talks about you a lot but she’s never said why you’re in here.” He motioned with his head towards the building a little ways away. “You don’t have to tell me either.”

Emma shrugged. “I don’t talk about it even though I know I should. It’s just---it’s too hard.”

Elijah turned towards her, smiling a little. “Well, let’s change the subject then.”

Emma felt herself smile and she was surprised by this. Just as surprised as when he slid his arm to the back of the bench and shifted his body so he was looking straight at her, his arm nearly brushing her cheek. “Lily talks about you a lot but doesn’t really tell me anything.”

“No?” He laughed. “I’m not surprised really. Lily detests what I do and what it stands for.”

Genuinely shocked, Emma asked: “Are you a male prostitute?”

Elijah let out a loud laugh. “No. God, I haven’t laughed for days.” He smiled at her, trying to catch her eye unsuccessfully. “I’m an actor.”

“Oh,” she said, not knowing what else to say. “I have no idea who you are.”

“Good,” he laughed. “I’m glad. It’s nice to talk to someone who doesn’t. If you don’t mind me asking, where are you from?”

Emma said to her feet, “Rhode Island. Originally. But my mother married…my step father and he moved us here. To California.”

“Hmmm,” replied Elijah, sounding sincerely interested.

“That’s when it all went to hell,” said Emma all of a sudden. So suddenly, in fact, that Elijah whipped his head to look at her. He’d been watching a bumblebee buzz around a flower. She looked at Elijah’s watch. “We should go back in. She’s done by now.”

She made to get up, but he put a soft hand on her arm. She flinched it away. “I’m sorry---I---”

“No, it’s alright. I’m jumpy.” She laughed uneasily. “Um…you coming?”

Elijah nodded, watching her like she was a project in some art class. She didn’t like the way his eyes seemed to survey her and dig out every emotion, every thought, every feeling. He stood up, this time he was the one avoiding her gaze. She didn’t even have to.

Lost another one, said Emma’s nagging mind. And he could have been good too.