|Fifteen| I’m tired of being alone…So hurry up and get here…

Once she’d calmed down enough to stop hiccupping and sobbing, she pulled away from him and wiped her eyes again. “I love you,” she said suddenly with a shrug of her shoulders.

Elijah cleared his throat and swallowed. His eyes were damp, but he didn’t do anything about it, “I know.”

“That’s not the kind of response I want,” she replied, laughing forcefully.

“Yeah. I know.” His eyes were on the ground as he counted the ugly tiles.

“Elijah…” her voice trailed off as she watched him.

“I’m sorry,” he said to number seven. Elijah tore his eyes from the seventh tile and stared hard into her sad eyes. “I can’t…”

“You can’t, what?” She prompted.

“It’s not a good idea for me to tell you how I’m feeling right now. It’s not…you’re not okay. You’re in a hospital, you’ve just tried to commit suicide. You’re not okay, Emma. You need help and I don’t think now is the time to be confessing love.” He shook his head and swallowed hard, trying to stop the flow of tears.

Emma bit her bottom lip, also trying to stop her tears which were pooling in her eyes.

Elijah pulled a walk-man from one of pockets and the CD from the other. He put the CD in the walk-man and handed it to her before vanishing out the door.

Tears wanted to fall from her eyes at the most alarming rate you’d ever seen, but she wouldn’t let them.

Emma felt weak enough as it was; she didn’t need more tears.

There’s an old saying that God only gives you what you can handle...well, who’s to say she hasn’t already reached her quota?

Sitting there in that drab hospital room, clutching the small lifeline that connects her to Elijah, Emma felt like she’d had enough bad cards dealt to her; she was ready to begin again, ready to pick up the crumbling pieces of her former self and fit them back into the puzzle.

The puzzle that was her life is about to become whole once more.

Her watery eyes glanced at the walk-man in her hands. She set it on her lap and slid the earphones over her ear…then she gingerly hit the play button.

That haunting song that had spoken to Elijah so much blasted into her ears, and she rested back against her fluffy pillows.

When it ended, she sat up abruptly.

“Could you save yourself for someone who loves you for you…” her whispering voice fell away as she hit the play button once more.

*

Elijah woke up to sunlight streaming across his tired face. He rubbed his eyes and rolled out of bed. When he reached the bathroom, he looked at his face in the mirror.

Suddenly he knew; he knew exactly what he wanted to say to Emma. It wouldn’t suddenly fix everything, after all there is no such thing as a quick-fix…but it would get them on their way, down the road.

The road to redemption, so to speak. Or maybe just the road to happier lives.

Throwing on some brown corduroys and a taught black Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt, Elijah was nearly ready to leave the house. He quickly got a cup of coffee, black, and then laced up his sneakers before pulling a comb through his messy locks.

When he arrived at the hospital, he felt ready to face her…and ready to face his biggest fear.

Emma was sitting up in bed when he opened the door. The headphones covered her ears and her mouth was moving, saying the lyrics inaudibly. Her eyes were unfocused as she stared straight ahead.

His voice, when he spoke finally, was a low whisper more like a whimper, “Emma.”

Emma’s head snapped in his direction and she pulled the headphones off her ears, “I didn’t expect to see you again.”

Elijah was taken aback, “Why?”

Emma waved a hand dismissively, “Never mind.”

“I love you.”

Emma’s eyes widened and her mouth twitched slightly before her facial features returned to a normal, placid state, “No. You don’t.”

Elijah took a step forward, his mouth breaking into a smile, “I do love you. I’m even, maybe, in love with you…but I can’t be with you.”

“Ooookay,” replied Emma, rolling her eyes. “No happy ending for Emma Burns. SOOO unsurprising.”

“Cut it out, okay? Just listen to me.”

Emma sighed and looked at him, “Fine.”

Another step forward brought Elijah close enough to the chair to sit down, so he did. “I want to be your friend right now and help you through this. If we become…more…that complicates things and I don’t want our relationship to have any effect on your recovery, do you see what I mean?”

Emma shook her head, her arms folded haughtily across her chest, “No. I have no freaking clue what you’re blubbering about.”

Elijah sighed, putting his head down on the side of her bed. He brought it up again, looking her straight in the eye, “I don’t want to be your Superman. I can’t be your Superman. I don’t want to be the only reason you want to live…I don’t want to be the only thing holding you on this earth. It’s too much pressure for me. What if we break up? What if you die suddenly and I blame it on something I’d said to you earlier?”

Emma reached out and put a very gentle and very cold hand on top of his, “I don’t need a Superman. I can be my own.” She pulled her hand away, “And don’t be so cocky, Elijah. You’re not the only thing holding me on this earth. You’re just the thing that makes it worthwhile.”

Elijah’s lips broke into a very warm, glowing smile, “You make my life worthwhile. I don’t know…I don’t think…Without you, I think I’d be one of those broken men that you see in sappy romance novels.”

A small giggle escaped Emma’s chapped lips, “Wouldn’t want that.”

“No,” agreed Elijah, “That would suck.” He took her hand, “So that’s why you gotta hang on. So that I don’t end up a little sniveling baby.”

Emma nodded, “Okay.” There were a few moments of silence as Emma gathered her next words, “Elijah? I want revenge. I need it. Something the good ole doctors like to call closure.”

Elijah chuckled slightly, “Yeah. Well, I’ll get you some closure, Em. Don’t worry about it. The trial…I’ll get you there if I have to carry you myself.” He stood up, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. He leaned his nose down so it was touching hers. She was smiling the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her. “I really do love you. With all of my heart.”

A single tear slid down Emma’s cheek and he wiped it away, not letting his nose break contact with hers. “I love you, too.”

Elijah pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes for a split second before making a very rash decision.

He placed his lips softly on hers as she gasped into his mouth, then wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Realizing what he’d done, he pulled away, “I’m sorry---I shouldn’t…”

Emma smiled, cocking her head to the side, “I’m already better, Elijah. There’s no sense to wait. We don’t even have to date…can’t we just make-out like mad fools?”

Elijah laughed full-heartedly, “Sounds good to me.”

He leaned in again, kissing her much harder than he had before.

ONE WEEK LATER

“Guilty.” The words rang in her ears as Elijah lay her back in her bed at the hospital. Emma smiled up at him when he pulled away.

“Get some rest, okay?” He kissed her briefly on the forehead and squeezed her hand before turning to leave. Dr. Johansen would be working with her in about two hours, so she needed that time to recuperate from the very emotionally exhausting day.

“Elijah?” She said, her voice meek and quiet.

He turned back to face her, a smile on his lips. “Yeah.”

“Thanks,” she replied, smiling largely. Her eyes were brimming with tears already.

“For what?” He asked genuinely surprised, but smiling anyway.

“For being there for me.” She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “God, you’re so…I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Elijah smiled, tears clouding his vision as he stepped towards the bed and quickly kissed her. “I don’t know where I’d be without you, either. You’re so good for me, Emma. I can’t even believe it.”

She laughed slightly, “Could you save yourself for someone who loves you for you.”

“I think that’s our song,” he said, smiling and backing towards the door. “Sleep well, Em. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Emma snuggled deep beneath her covers, happier than she’d ever been in her entire life.

A/N: In italics (after the chapter number and at the end of the story) are the lyrics to John Mayer’s “Love Song for No One” on his album, “Room For Squares”

Song in the story is Sense Field’s “Save Yourself”

|

«back