“You know I’m going mad,” Dom muttered and then let out a cry of pain and mumbled some obscenities under his breath.

Liberty clapped a hand over her mouth, “Dom? Are you okay?”

He came back on the line, “Sorry, yes. I’m fine. My thigh just got punctured with a bobby pin.” Liberty heard a woman apologize angrily. “My trousers are too large for me, so we’re trying to make some that’ll fit me properly. Libs, you won’t believe this…they’re putting me in leather trousers.”

She laughed at the glee in his voice, “I really, really wish I were there.”

“I know, I wish you were, too. I miss you.”

“I would just like to see you in leather pants,” she giggled slightly. “Man, that must be a sight to see.”

“Tara the wardrobe woman says it is.”

One of Liberty’s eyebrows went up; Elijah gave her a questioning glance, but she shook it off and turned away from him. “Are they very tight, Dom?”

“It’s like putting you in a corset, love.”

“Ouch.”

“Exactly,” he chuckled. “God. I honestly am going mad. I don’t know if I’ll make it another week before I can see you.”

Liberty checked the calendar behind her back, “Five days, actually.”

“Oh good, I’ve been so busy bleeding profusely that I haven’t had time to do a countdown.” Dom yawned, “Tara, can I sit down for a few minutes?” There was mumbled talking and then he came back on the line, sighing. She heard a door shut and assumed Tara had left the trailer. “I’ve gotta go in five, she says she’ll REALLY puncture me if I take too long. We’ve gotta have the trousers done for the scene I’m doing in a half hour.”

“These are the last scenes, right?” Liberty asked, casting her eyes to her nails and wondering why she hadn’t bitten them in days.

“Yeah, then I’ll be home. In five days.”

“Perhaps we should get married then.”

Dom was suddenly completely attentive, “What, in five days?”

“Yes, we could fly to Vegas and get married by Elvis.”

He laughed, “I know how that’s always been a dream of yours.”

Liberty snorted, “You know, Raya and I are designing my wedding dress.”

“Really?” He sounded quite happy about this. “That’s brilliant. When can I see it?”

“At the altar.”

“Ah, right. Superstitions. How are Bill and Lij treating you?”

“Like they treat everyone.”

Dom gasped, “They’re slurping jell-o shots out of your belly button?”

“Only during happy hour,” she replied, sounding serious.

“Put Elijah on the phone. I am going to tell him, for the fifty trillionth time that he cannot steal my woman.”

She grinned, “Oh, stop it. He’s got the hots for Alexia.”

“Oh, good. She thought he was gay.”

“Yeah, poor Lij.” Elijah was standing in front of her now, his hands on his hips. Liberty noticed he had the extension against his ear, and had been listening. She smiled sweetly at him, “I have to watch Priya this morning so I should go and you should go get your leather pants on. Have Tara take a picture of it for me, okay?”

Dom laughed, “No problem. And hello, Elijah. I love you and I’ll call tomorrow.”

“I love you too,” Elijah replied, then hung up.

Liberty was giggling and shaking her head as she made her way into the bedroom to grab her jacket. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Tell Elijah I love him,” Dom smirked.

“I will. I love you.”

“Love you, too. Bye.”

***

“It’s a damn shame Dom’s not here,” Elijah commented as the three of them waited on Orlando’s doorstep for Raya to answer the door. “Priya likes him so much better than me.”

“That’s not true,” Liberty soothed, shaking her head and patting his arm absently. “She likes you, too. You just need to not be so rigid around her.”

Raya answered the door with half her hair gathered in a bun and the other half spilling out from the chopsticks she’d stuck up there with Priya in her arms; she was eating a piece of orange, though most of it was on her face and shirt; Elijah wondered if any had made its way into her mouth.

“Hello,” Raya smiled, moving aside so they could enter; Billy tickled Priya as he passed her and she giggled hysterically. “She was just having some breakfast in the kitchen.”

Liberty checked her watch, “Raya, you’ve only got ten minutes to twelve.”

“I’ll make it, don’t worry. It’s only at Starbucks down the block, there.” She handed a gooey Priya over to Billy who began moving her towards the kitchen and her highchair making airplane noises. “How was class?”

“Fine,” Liberty answered, holding up her bulging bag that was filled to the brim with books; it wouldn’t snap closed, it was so full. “I’ll be glad when it’s summer.”

Raya laughed, “Well, you know the drill. Since I’m not Orlando, I won’t give you too much grief. Just watch out, she’s been talking quite a bit lately…and saying…well…interesting things.”

Liberty didn’t have time to question her about this, as Raya threw a jacket over her immaculate pantsuit, blew a kiss at Priya and then departed, patting Elijah on the head as she went.

Elijah shrugged at Liberty and the two of them entered the kitchen where Billy was sitting beside Priya and telling her a story. She was daintily stuffing orange slices into her mouth and dribbling orange juice down her chin which she wiped with a cloth napkin at regular intervals.

“She’s got better table manners than I do,” Elijah remarked, pulling a chair out from the table beside her and slouching into it.

“That’s not saying much considering you’re very Middle Earth about it all,” Billy snorted, handing Priya her glass of milk. She drank it, not making any sort of mess and not getting any mustache.

“Look who’s talking,” Elijah replied haughtily. “You eat like a Viking.”

Liberty sighed and leaned against the clean counter, shaking her head at the two of them. “I think it’s sufficient to say that you both eat equally badly and Priya has better table manners than the both of you AND Dom put together.”

“He wouldn’t be happy with you saying that,” Billy said mournfully. “He’d be right sad about it, indeed.”

“Did you know he once threw a handful of pasta at me?” Liberty asked, an eyebrow raised.

Priya dabbed at her lips and said, “Down, please,” so that Liberty quickly released her from the chair and watched as she made her way to the sink; she pulled a block of wood out from under a cupboard, slid it under the sink and stepped up on it, washing her hands under the tap water with just a little dab of soap.

Billy, in awe of this performance, responded, “He threw pasta at you?” without taking his eyes off the little girl as she dried her hands with a towel. “Why? Did you call him gay?”

Elijah chuckled, “No, she probably commented on his fashion sense.”

“I would never,” Liberty laughed. “It was just one of those things. You know.”

Billy looked confused, “I don’t know, no. What are you talking about?”

“Just a coupley thing probably,” Elijah replied, standing up; Priya stood beside him and began digging around in his jean pockets. He held his arms up, watching in surprise as she pulled his crushed packet of cigarettes from his pocket and padded with them clutched in her hands down the hall and into the bathroom. “She’s not going to smoke those, is she?”

Billy rolled his eyes and stood up to go after her, “The correct care-giving etiquette here would be to FOLLOW HER.”

Elijah nodded, “Oh, of course,” and followed the two of them down the hall. When they got into the bathroom, Priya was watching the few cigarettes she’d dumped into the toilet slosh around in a circle and then disappear.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Elijah screeched, making Billy and Priya cover their ears.

Liberty, still in the kitchen, ran into the room, looking stricken. She picked up an angry looking Priya and glared at Elijah, “What are you screaming about? You sound like a banshee.”

Elijah inaudibly pointed to the toilet and Liberty suddenly understood after seeing the crushed packet in the wastepaper basket beside the sink. “She flushed my last pack.” He sounded sad, reserved, quiet.

Priya was watching him curiously, her head cocked to the side making her bouncy brown ponytail fall over her shoulder. Elijah stared at her and said in a very horrified voice quite unlike his own, “She’s a mini-Raya. She’s smarter than me. It’s daunting and it scares the bejesus out of me.”

Billy put a consoling hand on Elijah’s back, “It's not that she's smarter than you, Lij. No wait, she is. But the point is, she carries that Raya like poise and intimidation that strikes fear into the hearts of men shorter than me.”

Elijah turned to him, looking angry, “I do not appreciate you making fun of my height. Again.”

“It's either this or womanly screaming, Lij. Your pick.”

“I didn't realize I'd be babysitting more than just Priya,” Liberty mused, grinning slightly.

Looking affronted, Elijah turned to her, “Why Liberty.…”

Billy pouted, “We're not that bad are we?”

She sighed, “No, but I haven't seen Dom for three months.”

Billy nodded knowingly. “Elijah knows allllll about sex deprivation, don't you, Lij?”

He did not appear to. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“See? It's affected him already and he doesn't even know it,” Billy sniffed sadly. “Poor Elijah.”

Liberty, rolling her eyes, brushed past them with Priya on her hip saying, “Let’s leave Uncle Lij to mourn by himself. We’ll go into your room and read a book.”

Billy and Elijah left the room and dropped down onto Orlando’s immaculate sofa collection in the den. Liberty and Priya, instead of reading in her room, had gathered a few choice books and were sitting together in the rocking char in the corner. After Liberty read two pages of “Green Eggs and Ham” Priya scooted off her lap and to the video cabinet, where she pulled ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’ DVD from it’s low shelf and dropped it into Elijah’s lap; he had been sitting biting on his fingernails looking off into space until this time.

Though Priya was only two, she had quite a vocabulary and enunciated so well that it was easy to tell she said, “Uncle Lij looks like girl,” when she pointed to his face on the cover.

While Elijah looked offensively down at little Priya, Billy was turning purple on the other couch from holding back laughter. Finally, after a moment of shocked silence in which Liberty just stared at the two of them, Elijah replied, “Yeah, but look at your dad.”

Priya, in true Raya fashion, looked up at him with that look on her face that Raya often got at times like these. “Lib,” Elijah said quietly, sounding scared. “Make her stop looking at me like that.”

Billy let out something between a guffaw, a snort and a bark, “Like you've just insulted her father, you mean?”

Liberty, however, was no longer in the room, she’d snuck off a few seconds prior to call Dom and tell him what had just happened.

Elijah looked petrified as he stumbled inarticulately over his words, “I didn't mean anything by it. Orly's a...er...wonderful swordsman. His hair never gets out of place.”

In the phone in the kitchen, Liberty was giggling in a whisper as she explained it all to Dom, who was just getting ready to go on the set. “Oh, my God. It’s like Christmas has come early,” Dom remarked, chuckling. “I knew I liked that girl.”

Liberty smiled, “Yes, well you should see poor Elijah’s face.”

“It’s priceless, isn’t it? You need to take a photo. Right now, Libs. Go steal OB’s camera. I know he keeps it in the bedroom----”

“I refuse to go rooting around in their bedroom, Dominic Monaghan.”

“Ouch. Calling me by my full name.”

“You deserved it,” she replied serenely.

“You’re right,” he sighed. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll be home soon. Tara’s taken a picture of me in my leather trousers. I must say, I’ve never looked so sexy and handsome before in my life.”

“Even when you were sucking on lollipops?”

“No, you know the killer would be if I were wearing leather trousers WHILE sucking on a lolli.”

“Dom, that would kill people. Females mostly.”

“And some males. I reckon this photo will turn some straight ones, gay.”

She snorted, “Yes, well, you think highly of yourself at least.”

“Never let it be known that Dominic Monaghan didn’t have good self esteem,” he laughed. “Just so you know, I won’t let Elijah live this down.”

“Oh, I know. I’d think nothing less of you, in fact. I expect you to make him carry it to his grave.”

“Which may be earlier than usual at this point. The poor fellow just can’t get a break.” He paused and she could hear a door being opened and closed. “Maybe you should sleep with him. I bet that’d perk him up some.”

“Dom.”

“I’m not serious.”

“I should hope not.”

“Elijah could do with some jollies though. You can’t disagree with that.”

“Well, no, but I honestly don’t think me sleeping with him would fix anything.”

“I do,” Billy stated evenly, reaching into the open fridge for a diet soda. “I know, I know. You don’t have to say it. No beer while on the job.”

Liberty smiled at him, “I am not having sex with Elijah.”

Dom and Billy both sighed simultaneously. “But he is so sex deprived.”

“Get him a blow-up doll,” Liberty replied stonily. “Hire him a hooker.”

“Aw, Libs,” Dom replied, laughing. “I’ve gotta go, I’m afraid. Love you.” The dial tone signaled that he’d hung up before she had the chance to reply. Sighing, she put the phone back on the wall and turned to Billy, who was chugging down soda.

“Why would he want me to have sex with Elijah?” She questioned, glancing behind him into the other room, where she could plainly see Elijah and Priya staring at each other.

“He doesn’t,” Billy laughed. “He’s kidding. You can’t tell when he’s joking and when he’s not?”

“I usually can, but sometimes I’m not so sure. Like just now for instance. Maybe he’s trying to pimp me out to his friends?”

“That idea is so ludicrous that I’m going to leave the room and not justify it with a response.” He set his soda can on the table and strutted out. “However,” he shouted over his shoulder, “Dom would make a fine pimp and you should be happy to have him as such!”