He slammed his fist down on the alarm clock. The beeping had invaded his mind. He glanced at the fuzzy red numbers. 4 am he just went to sleep at 2. He shouldn't have partied last night. He sat up but didn't turn on the light. He reached out knocking over many bottles of pills. He grabbed the small film canister and popped it open. He shook out one tiny pill. He swallowed it down with a swig of the beer that was sitting there. He made a face as the bitter liquid splashed into is stomach.

That’s how all of his mornings started. A pill. A small white pill. A pill that would kill his career if anyone knew. That’s also how his nights ended. A pill. A different pill. A pill in the morning to wake him up and a pill at night to bring him down. He measured his days not by hours but by pills and when he could get the next one.

He licked his lips and flinched at the vomit taste there. He didn't remember vomiting. He used to brush his teeth at night before he went to bed. He used to pray too. He still prayed but he prayed to a different god. He prayed to a small white pill. And every night he asked that god to make the morning never come. Or rather let the morning come and leave him sleeping. Only he didn't really want to be sleeping he wanted to be dead. At least that’s what he thought he wanted.

He got up and walked to the bathroom and flicked on the light. He groaned at the sterile white light that flooded his eyes. He voided his bladder and didn't flush the toilet. He didn't dare. He was afraid that the sound would split his head open. He started out of the bathroom and caught his reflection in the mirror. It was a shallow, hollow face staring at him. He touched his cracked lips and prayed to the pill god again. He prayed that the make-up would cover the mess he made of his face the night before.

He walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. He looked longingly at the coffee pot but knew he didn't have time. As if the pill god read his mind he heard a knock at the door. He rushed back to his bedroom and grabbed to different bottles of pills and slid them into his pockets. One or the other of the pills he grabbed would ensure that his day was a good one. Hell everyday was a good one as long as he could make it past the waking up part.

At the front door the driver waited for Mr. Maguire. They went through this every morning. The driver knew Tobey would come outside in about 40 seconds looking like he just died. The driver would pay no attention at the rattling sound coming from Tobey's pockets. He would say "Good Morning Sir." And Tobey would grunt and get in the car. This morning was no different.

In the car Tobey felt the little white pill warming him. He started to feel like his former self.

"Driver! Can we stop for coffee at a gas station?" Tobey asked. His voice even sounded good.

"We’re running late sir." They were always running late.

"I don’t really care. What are they going to start filming without me? I’m the star." Tobey said woefully. There was no pride in that statement.

"Ok Sir." The driver pulled in to the next gas station. The driver shut off the car and opened his door.

"No you stay I’ll get it." Tobey wanted to practice walking and smiling. He reached in to his pocket and fished around the pills he grabbed his chapstick and popped the lid and smeared some on his lips hoping that would make him look a bit more normal. He walked in the gas station and got the coffee. He went to the counter and looked down at the trashy magazines. He was the cover of three of them.

"Tobey the last of the good boys!" One yelled at him. The picture was Tobey at a resturant with a glass of water, Leo was on his left drinking a beer. If only people knew that was the water Tobey used to swallow speed with. At least then he wouldn’t have to hide anymore. He could go to rehab and maybe have a chance at getting better.

"One coffee, anything else?" The cashier asked

"Yeah a pack of Marlboros." Tobey said softly.

"Alrighty. ID please?" Tobey groaned inside, and handed his ID over.

"Hey I thought you looked familiar. You smoke?"

"No but my friend in the car does and I assure you he’s 21 as well he’s just a little tired so I offered to come in and buy them for him." Tobey was babbling but he knew his image was at stake

"Oh alright." The cashier rang him up and gave him his change. "Do you think you could...?"

"Sign something for you?" Tobey finished for the guy and flashed his best smile. The pill was working at full force now. "Sure who do I address it to?"

"Gail. She's my little girl she wants to be just like you. Well she wants to be spiderGIRL. She's only six." the man chuckled. ‘Lets hope she's not going to be just like me. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.' Tobey thought as he filled out the back of the receipt. "To Gail. Follow your dreams! Thanks for being my best fan! Love Peter Parker a.k.a. Spiderman!"

"Oh that’s GREAT! Thank you!!" The cashier held the receipt and squinted to read it.

"Your welcome. If you wait here I have some free passes to come to the filming of the new Spiderman movie today. Your more then welcome to come." Tobey had free tickets in the car he always gave them out to a few special fans and this man looked like he could use them. He probably was very poor and it would make his daughters day.

"Oh shit! Really?"

"Yup if you'll promise to let Gail come!" Tobey flashed another smile.

"Well Sure! I don't get off till nine but we could be there by nine thirty." The man smiled back. The man suddenly didn't look real to Tobey. Everything was fuzzy and his head pounded. "You alright?"

"Yeah. I guess I need breakfast. I'll be right back with the tickets." He walked out the door and wiped the sweat off his brow. He just needed another pill. He got back to the car and the driver looked at him. "I need three of those free passes." Tobey leaned against the car and shielded himself from the driver he took out the film canister and popped another pill. He took a drink of his coffee and burnt the hell out of his mouth. He didn't feel it though all he felt was the pill sliding down his throat.

"Here you go sir. And do hurry we're 45 minutes late."

"Thank you." Tobey went back in the store and handed the man the tickets. "Bring your wife too."

"Oh Gail's mom died two years ago." The man looked so sad.

"Then bring a friend. I'll try to be around to meet Gail!" Tobey said and left.

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