Democracy At Its Finest

"Today’s election day!" Elijah yelled happily, bounding into the living room where Dom and Billy were nursing hangovers (with shots of vodka and sunglasses over their eyes).

"Shhhhhh," Dom hissed, rubbing his forehead. "Not so loud."

Elijah stood in front of them, his hands on his hips; suddenly an evil smile curved over his lips. "GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Billy, shocked, jumped off the couch and fell over a chair, landing hard on the floor with his shot of vodka in his lap (spilled). Dom keeled over sideways and lay in a fetal position, his sunglasses askew.

"Elijah, what the hell!" Billy mumbled from the floor, massaging his bottom.

"That was so mean," Dom sniffed, fixing his sunglasses over his tired eyes and scowling at his friend. (Although his eyes were fixated at least three feet to the left of where Elijah was standing.)

Elijah sighed heavily, as if he shouldn’t be made to put up with their antics on such a day. "I only want to get to the polls early to beat the lines of crazy people!"

Billy blinked up at him as he crawled back over to the sofa. "Elijah, I’m not a citizen."

"So?"

"So, I can’t vote. Let me get back to my hangover in peace." He shoved Dom aside and climbed back into his previous seat.

Elijah turned to Dom expectantly. "Looks like it’s just you and me, Dominic!"

Dom slipped his sunglasses off and blinked at the sudden light streaming across his eyes. "I’m not voting."

"WHAT!?" Elijah gasped, a hand over his heart as he stumbled backwards and fell into the chair behind him. "You must be joking! Say it isn’t so!"

"I’m not voting," Dom repeated in aggravation. "I’m not a US citizen yet. My papers haven’t come through. Therefore, I haven’t got the right to vote."

Elijah shook his head. "Dear, dear, Dominic. That is tragic news." There was a moment of silence while Dom and Billy drifted off into a light sleep and Elijah thought things through. Suddenly, he jumped up, looking triumphant.

"I’ve got it! You can accompany me to the voting booth and stand outside picketing! You can bring a VOTE DOM sign and wave it all around telling people to vote for you!"

"I’m not running," Dom mumbled, wiping his mouth as drool was coming out.

Billy swore for several seconds and then cleared his throat. "Hey, Lij? I’ve got an idea. Why don’t YOU go vote and leave us HERE?"

"No, no, that won’t do, William."

Billy cringed. "Please don’t call me that."

Elijah sighed in a resigned sort of way and grabbed a coat as well as his fashionable scarf. "I’ll go," he said to them, even though they weren’t listening. "And I shall be back in 40 to 900 minutes. Good day."

The door shut quietly behind him (even though he meant to slam it, he couldn’t do it for fear the two of them would follow him and beat him to a hobbit pulp) and Billy and Dom sighed in contentment and drifted off into a deep sleep.

*

"TURN THE TV ON!" Elijah hollered from the kitchen, many hours later. "I wanna see who won!"

Dom shuffled over to the television and flicked it on. "He doesn’t even get this excited during the Oscars."

"I know," Billy said sadly from his position on the couch. "Poor lad is obviously going mad."

Elijah flitted into the room, then, carrying a tray loaded down with party favors, party hats (that proclaimed HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and finger foods. He set them down in front of his non-US citizen friends and dropped down into his favorite chair, ready to welcome in a new president.

"He’s treating this like New Year’s Eve," Billy commented, nibbling on some crab cakes.

Elijah tossed hats to both Dom and Billy and then put one on his head, grinning like a fool. "Isn’t this great?" He asked, bouncing happily in his seat.

"Why?" Dom and Billy asked simultaneously.

"It’s democracy at its finest!"

Dom rolled his eyes, but kept quiet because Elijah had a stuffed celery stick in his hand and Dom didn’t want it to end up in his hair. Cream cheese was almost impossible to get out.

"OOOH LOOK!" Elijah yelled, pointing to the screen where there was a shot outside a voting booth of several people holding picket signs and wearing huge ears.

"What the hell?" Dom stated, sliding down to the floor to get a better look. "Are those---hobbit ears?"

"Yup!" Elijah called proudly, beaming at the television (where his face had just appeared). "Shhh, here’s where I make my speech!"

The newscaster woman was speaking in her news voice holding a microphone near Elijah’s face. "I’m here with Elijah Wood, best known for his portrayal of hobbit, Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Tell me, Elijah, what are you doing here today?"

"Voting!" Screen Elijah said, smiling toothily at the camera. "I’m here to encourage voters to come out and support our troops! I mean…our presidential candidates!"

"And who has your vote. Not that I have to ask," she said, gesturing towards Elijah’s sign. (Which said: Don’t Be Stupid - Vote for Dom!)

"I’m voting for Dominic Monaghan!"

"That’s a write-in, isn’t it, Elijah?"

"Yup! Dominic is one of my dearest friends and I feel he’d make a spectacular president."

The woman stared at Elijah curiously and then turned back to the camera to speak about the Kerry and Bush supporters causing a riot outside a 7-11 earlier in the day.

"I looked great," Elijah beamed, admiring himself in the mirror over the television.

There were several minutes of silence in the apartment until Dom could figure out how to speak.

"Er…Lij? You voted for me?"

"I sure did!"

"…Why?"

Elijah put a finger to his lips. "Shhhhh! They’re announcing the winner!"

"The race was incredibly close this year, nearly as close as American Idol when Clay and Ruben were up against each other. Anyway. Winning by only 3 points is…"

Billy and Dom looked at Elijah, who seemed to be praying.

"…Dominic Monaghan! Wait…who?" Tom Brokaw looked terribly confused until a hand appeared on the side of the screen and gave him a piece of paper. "Oh…Dominic Monaghan seems to be a write-in. An actor. From England. Wow. Incredible!" Tom shook his head in confusion and blinked several times before a commercial came on.

"How is this bloody possible?" Dom hollered, his voice squeaky from shock. "I wasn’t born here! I’m not even a US citizen! I’m not old!"

Elijah smiled cheekily at him. "Dominic, calm down. We live in a democracy."

"That doesn’t explain anything," Billy put in helpfully.

Elijah shrugged; he obviously didn’t care. "Congrats Dom! Let’s get trashed to celebrate!"

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