Hermione sat silently at the Gryffindor table during breakfast the next morning. She was all red from crying most of the night. But something good had come out of the crying this time. She felt better. She'd made a decision: to confront her pain and get rid of it. She didn't need it anymore, she was through. Through feeling sorry for herself over someone who had never really cared about her like he'd said. Through with the lies. Through being sad all the time. Feeling like you're in a hole is no way to live.

An owl dropped down on her shoulder. He was large and white and held a piece of parchment in his beak. She took it and he flew off.

Hermione looked around the table. Everyone was busy reading their own mail, so she didn't have to worry about them wondering what hers was.

She unfolded the parchment and read the curvy words.

Hermione -

We need to talk. Meet me in the Forest during lunch.

She knew who it was from. She didn't need him to sign his name. She knew that handwriting like her own. She used to be in love with it. It was funny how fast things change.

She crumpled up the paper and stuffed it in her robes. She would meet him. It would help her to get rid of the pain. She hadn't spoken to him since....since it happened. She was ready now. She was stronger than he thought for.

*

Blaise Zabini was no Oliver Wood in the looks department. That is to say he wasn't the most handsome boy in school...or really one of the handsome boys in school.

But Hermione had seen something there that no one else had. Something so

non-Slytherin it was hard to believe it was really there. A glint of something other than a sneer. A hope of something other than hatred. A wisp of something other than cruelty.

But it wasn't really there. It was all a cover.

His dark brown hair was slicked back much like Draco's. But in a messier way. It was shorter than Draco's too, giving his hair the appearance of being spiked when it wasn't completely glued with oil. He was tall and very skinny, not very strong, but he didn't need to be. He was a Slytherin and no one messed with Slytherins. His teeth were uncared for and mostly crooked. When he sneered he gave the impression of a troll. When he smiled he gave the impression that he liked you.

Even when he didn't.

Blaise had chubby hands and dirty fingernails. He had hairy arms and legs, large feet and magically altered eyes. He had once needed glasses, but not anymore. His dark blue eyes were hard to read unless you knew what to look for. Blaise didn't show much emotion...in his eyes or otherwise.

Until that summer, that is. Hermione had never known he lived so close to her. But one day, she was walking around and had seen him coming out of his house. She was so shocked that she'd fallen over. He'd glimpsed her as she fell and he couldn't believe his eyes. A pretty girl looking at him. He thought she looked familiar, but he couldn't place her.

He had helped her up and they had begun to talk. After a while, she told him her name. He nearly choked with shock.

"Know-it-all Granger? Beaver teethed Granger? Brainy witch?" Blaise scratched his chin as he said this, hardly believing his ears. Or his eyes.

"Yeah," she said, embarrassed. She had no idea that was how she was seen.

They had mostly just hung around together for a few weeks. Watching Muggle television, watching movies, walking around, that sort of thing.

She was beginning to see that not all Slytherins were bad. That maybe they had a deeper side. She thought she might be falling in love with Blaise Zabini and that scared her.

Never once did it enter her mind that he only liked her because of her looks. He hadn't uttered one word to her since they'd met, but that didn't faze her. That's why she kicks herself now. For being stupid and for believing his lies.

She spent nights at his house, curled up on his couch with him. Thinking. He'd be eating or watching television, but she wouldn't be. She'd be thinking about what to tell Harry and Ron. What would they think? Her. Dating a Slytherin. They wouldn't understand.

Hermione needed to tell someone. She decided on Harry. He had understood.

Blaise had finally taken her out after they'd been dating for a month. She didn't care that they never went anywhere that wasn't one of their houses. She was happy being alone with him. He made her feel good about herself. He made her feel wanted, needed, happy. Maybe that's why it hurt so much that he betrayed her.

He took her out because he wanted to show her off. She didn't know that at the time, but she knows it now.

He had grinned like an idiot as they walked around town. They went to the movies where all he did was want to make out with her. She didn't object much, but she wasn't ready to do more. Like he pushed for.

As July rolled around, the relationship went to the next level. She knew she loved him. And she told him.

"Blaise?" She asked uncertainly, snuggling closer to him on his couch.

"Eh?"

"I think I'm in love with you."

He tore his eyes off the television screen to study her face. She looked so lost and afraid. She didn't know what his reaction would be.

He turned off the television and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her passionately on the lips. She didn't care that he didn't say it back. She didn't realize it at the time.

After a heavy makeout session where he had taken off both their shirts, she pulled away, pushing his hands away from her bra clasp.

"Your parents are going to be home soon, Blaise. We can't do this here."

Blaise was panting heavily. "Where're your parents?"

Hermione put her shirt over her head. "They won't be home 'til midnight."

Blaise looked at the clock. It was barely 8. He pulled Hermione to her feet and led her back to her house.

He had pushed her onto the sofa the second they entered the living room. She hadn't protested. She felt good. She felt that this was right.

"I love you," she whispered, when it was over. It was nearing 11 o'clock. She was still breathing heavily and was very sweaty.

He hadn't replied. Just gotten dressed and left. She hadn't noticed. She'd fallen asleep right after she'd said the words.

She didn't hear from him for 2 weeks. She'd told Harry about it. He, of course, had been very shocked at her. But he hadn't reprimanded her. She was old enough to make her own decisions. Her one request was that he didn't tell anyone. He didn't.

Hermione called Blaise eventually. He answered.

"It's me."

"Listen, will you stop calling? It's over. I only wanted you for one thing and I got it."

Hermione was choking back sobs, her voice was shaky and weak, "What?"

"I only wanted you for your body, Granger. Get over it and move on."

He hung up after that. Hermione held the phone for a long time, just staring. And listening to the operator's voice.

She had given him her heart, but he hadn't wanted it. He'd only wanted her for one thing. She felt like a fool. She felt so used...so alone. So upset. She crawled into bed about 3 hours after he hung up the phone. The phone was still clutched in her shaking hands. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe he'd do that to her.

She sobbed and sobbed for a long time. Her mother tried to console her, but it did no good. She didn't know what was going on with her daughter. Hermione cried herself to sleep and she barely got out of bed for the next few weeks.

Her first time out of the house was when she went to Diagon Alley for her school supplies, one week before she had to be at Platform 9 3/4.

The wound was still open. It still burned inside her. She was hurt...and she was afraid that it wouldn't ever go away. One thing that did go away was her trust in people.

She began to heal after her trip to Diagon Alley. Harry had met her there, he had hugged her and told her it would be all right. The way he said it, made her believe him.

When she boarded the scarlet steam engine that would take her to school, she felt a little bit better about herself. She had gained only one thing out of this horrible experience.

Forgiveness...for herself.

*

Tears fell silently down Hermione's cheeks as she leaned against the cold trunk of the tree. The memories still haunted her dreams...they still burned in her mind. They were as clear as if they'd happened yesterday.

She saw his silhouette moving across the grounds toward her. The sun was shining down on him, glistening off his slimy hair.

"Hey," he said, approaching her.

She didn't say anything. All she did was glare at him. Hatred coursed through her veins like poison. She clenched and unclenched her fists.

She suddenly wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt her...maybe more. She wanted him to know what pain and suffering felt like. At that moment, she didn't care if he died.

"I said, hey." Blaise repeated, walking a little closer.

She was going to swear at him and yell at him. But that wasn't good enough. She pulled out her wand, ready to curse him. But that wasn't even good enough. It wouldn't hurt. She threw the wand aside.

She clenched her fists once more and let him have it. Square in the jaw. She heard it unhinge as he recoiled in pain.

Tears began to soak the ground. She leaned down and punched him again, this time in the nose. Blood spurted out at all angles. He cried out in pain. She didn't say anything.

The rage was poisoning her system and she had to get it out before she hurt someone she actually cared about. But she didn't care about him.

On top of the tear soaked ground, came blood. A lot of it. It looked like she'd broken his nose. But did she feel sorry? No. She didn't.

"What'd you do that for?!" He screamed through the blood, trying to sit up so he wouldn't choke.

Hermione finally saw sense. She'd just beaten someone up. She could get expelled for that. As the rage subsided, worry replaced it.

She stood up, grabbed her wand and high tailed it to the school. She could hear him calling to her until she went inside.

She ran through the halls, heading toward the Hospital Wing at top spead.

"Hermione?" His voice stopped her cold. "What's the matter? Why are you running?"

Hermione turned to face Oliver and tears began to fall again. "Oh God, I'm going to be expelled." She said through her sobs. She collasped into him and he held her so that she wouldn't fall.

Footsteps clanked towards them.

"What's this about?" Madame Pomfrey's shrill voice rang out.

Hermione pulled away quickly from Oliver, nearly knocking him off balance.

"Blaise...broken jaw and nose...down in the forest...."

Madame Pomfrey started running off.

Hermione was panting. Her face was red and sweaty. Her eyes were alight with both worry and sadness.

"What happened?" Oliver asked quietly.

"It's a long story," said Hermione, leaning against the wall. She sighed heavily and tried to calm her breathing...and her racing heart.

Oliver gave her a sort of sorrowful look. "I've got time. Come on." He gestured in the opposite direction she was headed. "My office is just down here. You look like you need someone to talk to."

Hermione didn't want to follow him. She just wanted to run away and hide. She wanted to forget everything.

She didn't know why she followed him, but something about his eyes told her that she should.

So she did.

|