The Anti-Spotlight

Well, you could probably see this one coming too: with a Song Spotlight on a potential chart breaker, I offer a page devoted to describing the worst song- or songs- on the radio. This is where I get my club and bash these records good, hoping the radios will follow suit and NEVER PLAY THESE SUCKERS AGAIN!!!

Nivea- Laudromat

Listening to this song, all I could think of are those annoying teenage girls that keep on telling you- sternly- to "talk to the hand". Of course, it wouldn't be a bad analogy since that seems to be the level of maturity Nivea exhibits and of her very weak material. Pencil in the fact that R. Kelly wrote this and you have a song that's too unbearable to hear.

Santana & Musiq- Nothing At All

Not that this song is actually horrible, but ever since Chad Kroeger wrote a song with Carlos Santana, tracks with simple lyrics designed only to show off Santana's guitar- like this one- went out the window. Kroeger raised the bar with "Why Don't You And I", so when a song like this comes in after it, it's a major, major disappointment.

Layo & Bushwacker- Love Story

This song uses the time-honoured- and tiring- "thud-thud-thud" dance sequence sped up for the "B" section, with virtually no creativity at all. How is THIS the No. 1 song in Britain? Sigh.

Stacy Orocco- Stuck

This one has smart love-torn lyrics, but add a P. Diddy-esque beat and a childish overall sound and you have a track that smells of "failed potential". Such a shame.

The Kooler Kids- All Around The World

Hey everyone! It's second-rate disco with no creativity! Aren't you excited?! I'm sure not. *smacks head*

Dru Hill- I Love You

This one features so many tears, you're certain you can see Sisqo wearing a bib. Ooops, I've said too much.

Lil' Kim- The Jump Off

She doesn't swear too much (which is an accomplishment in itself), but she's still singing the same old bling-bling garbage, without an ounce of creativity. Will she ever be more than a lost cause? Apparently not.

Betrayal- Anger's Release

A rip-off of both Metallica and Slayer, this one's a terribly whiny and irritating track. Sometimes metal is never more than just a joke of itself, and here's a great example of it.

Subliminal- Skydive

Q: Do we really want a band that combines Slipknot and Taproot, two of the worst bands EVER, in their sound? A: After hearing this, an emphatic NO!

La Bouche- In Your Life

Are we in 1994? Because that's what this song sounds like...just like the rest of their inept material...

Baby f/Clipse- What Happened To That Boy?

It's actually a Clipse song by The Neptunes, because all Baby does is those moronic bird noises that's officially irritating me. Second, solid raps by The Clipse are ruined by a stale- yes, that's right STALE- Neptunes sound. If I ever get tired of The Neptunes, I'll just say this was the starting point.

Finch- What It Is To Burn

I have a question: why? No, this is not the philosophy exam question, but a question asking why Finch even tries, because they clearly stink. It's second-rate songwriting with even more whining, and this kiddie-rock song clearly rips off Blink 182's "All The Small Things". Why didn't they stay in school so I don't have to put up with them? Why? Why? WHY?!? *is now bawling his eyes out like Nate Barclow of Finch does in this song*

Hot Action Cop- The Fever For The Flava

Memo to record execs: The Red Hot Chili Peppers worked once. It won't work again. In the mean time, get rid of these cliched, sex-crazed idiots- I don't want to put up with them EVER AGAIN. Thank you.

NAAM Brigade f/Juvenille- What You Doin' Wit Dat?

You know, I liked this song better when it was Sir-Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back", not in its current, 3,452,124,221,532,542,643,789,654,321,326,189,234th "redub".

-DG

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The WORST Songs on the radio

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