It had all the ingredients for a winner. Chris Rock, who
wonderfully hosted the 1997 and 1999 MTV Video Music Awards, would be back as
host, and, with the usual insanity that is the VMAs because of MTV's laid-back
attitude, the combination looked promising. Alas, it just wasn't so, as the VMAs
registered as a complete bore. Here are a few things I have to say about the
VMAs:
Best Performance: Coldplay- The Scientist.
This one is a no-brainer: Coldplay was the only artist that night who seemed to
put any heart into what they were doing, and it paid off in a very intense,
emotional performance. Yeah, it might have been nice if Chris Martin convulsed a
little more (that's always great to watch), but his band still put on a classic
performance.
Worst Performance: Mary J. Blige- Medley. Or,
as I put it: "I'm horribly off-key and prancing nonsensically onstage, but
nobody will notice." Problem: I did. Nice try, Mary.
Best Presentation: Eminem- 50 Cent Performance.
Okay, so you knew what was coming, but I give Eminem credit for making it look
natural. He made you believe that he was trying really hard to not let that
puppet get to him and that, once it did, that he really did snap. Regardless, it
was one of the few humorous moments all night.
Worst Presentation: Mary-Kate/Ashley Olsen & David
Spade- Best Pop Video. There were many, MANY presentations where it
was obvious they just read from a teleprompter, but this one hits new lows.
Message to Mary-Kate Olsen: SPEAK TO THE MIKE. She ruined what could have been a
great presentation by failing to speak to the microphone, leaving the audience
at home in the dark as to what exactly she was saying.
Best Acceptance Speech: Justin Timberlake- Best Male
Video. If there was ever a moment that epitomized the crap that was
the night, it was this moment. Timberlake started by saying "this is a
travesty" and demanding a recount. He said that while it was great to be in
the same category as Eminem and 50 Cent, he "grew up in Tennesse" and
felt that Johnny Cash should have walked away with the award. It was great of
him to say that country legend Cash deserved the award, especially for
everything he's done for the genre and music in general, but here's the short
answer as to why Cash didn't win anything: country isn't "cool". It's
heart-wrenching realizations like that which made the VMAs that much more worse.
Worst Acceptance Speech: Many. It's not that
there really was one "bad" one like last year (where Eminem exclaimed
that he would "hit a man with glasses" (Moby)), but there were many
"standard" thank-yous to the artists' managers, reps, hair stylists,
and "all those who bought (our/my) album". *shrugs*
Best Line: Chris Rock- Opening Sequence.
"You know, (Ashton Kutcher, co-oridinator of Punk'd) never targets a Black
man. Imagine if he tried getting DMX: 'You've been punk'd'. 'Oh yeah, you've
been stabbed'." It would have been nice if that same vitality carried
through the rest of the show.
Most Agreeable Choice: Missy Elliott- Work It (Best
Hip-Hop). I know "Work It" was also the best in the
"Best Video Category", but I still believe MTV should have honoured
Cash with that one, so "Best Hip-Hop" gets my nod. "Work It"
is a horrible song, but the effects to this one (including one shot where
Elliott eats a car and another after saying "I need a glass of water"
she gets a glass handed to her) are very interesting. That, and the other
nominees (like Eminem's "Lose Yourself" and Jay-Z's "'03 Bonnie
& Clyde") didn't produce strong videos.
Most Disagreeable Choice: Beyonce Knowles- Crazy In
Love (Best Female Award). This is probably what went down in the MTV
VMA Selection office: (sees "Crazy In Love" video) Male Selector:
"She's so hot...". Other Male Selector sucked into Knowles'
convulsing: "Yeah...". "We got to give her an award!"
"So let's do it!". Give me a break. Just because someone's
"hot" and acts like a stripper doesn't mean that it's a good video or
that it's classy. Not to mention that this beat Elliott's more deserving
"Work It". No doubt Knowles put in a few dollars to MTV to give this
video the nod. Hey, she managed to fool everyone into playing her crappy song
with her tasteless sexuality, so why not do it here? *rolls eyes*
Other Notes.
-Rock was a good host overall, but he was nowhere near his form in 1997 or 1999.
He seemed to get bored as the show wore on, stopping with the snappy punch lines
3/4 of the way through, and failing to really milk some of music's key issues
this year (RIAA lawsuits, anyone?). He could have done much better, also, with
the American Idol joke as well, though he did pull it off.
-No doubt Madonna will be remembered ttwenty years down the road for planting
kisses on the lips of both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, but even that
TV moment couldn't save a performance that could have been better. Like, why
didn't Madonna sing any of "Like A Virgin"? That would have capped it
off well, since she'd have sung the song almost exactly twenty years to the date
she opened with that song.
-Good Charlotte really got the crowd ggoing, but they seemed a little tentative
in doing "The Anthem". I'm sure it wasn't their "A"
performance, but it was still missing something.
-How Not To Be A Good Pop Star, Lessonn No. 532: Knowles was seen not opening her
mouth while performing "Baby Boy", giving away the fact that it was
lip-synched. Oh, and where was her microphone? This one wasn't prepared very
well.
-Curious Observation No. 1: As expecteed, the Kelly Clarkson fan sites were all
over Clarkson's apparent loss to GC for Viewer's Choice. At one point
(apparently ten minutes to the announcement), the statistics showed that
Clarkson was leading by 20% in the voting, with 40% of the vote. Since the
voting apparently was open since the beginning of the month, you'd think that
Clarkson's lead was insurmountable. So how did GC, at 15% at the time, win? I
doubt that, in the space of several minutes, GC could have come back to win.
Good for GC, but there's an obvious case of vote-fixing here.
-Did anyone else find the Duran Duran "Lifetime Achievement Award"
a little discombobulated? It looked as though they were having technical
difficulties with the nominees, and then, all of sudden, there's Kelly Osbourne
giving the band awards. It was confusing.
-Speaking of Rock and Eminem, though yyou could see it coming, Rock did manage to
take a potshot at Eminem after previously stating earlier he won't because
"there's a lot of things which rhyme with 'rock'". The line,
"here's someone who saved lots of money on Mother's Day" was golden,
and Eminem's presentation following it did manage to inject some life into the
proceedings. Didn't last for long, though.
-Usually, you can count on the VMAs foor some memorable statements in the show's
running time. This year, all we had were standard presentations and acceptance
speeches, with a couple of "yeah, we'll do this" performances. It
really made for boring television and made the VMAs compare to- ulp- the
Grammies in its formalization and tedium. This used to be a show where people
let loose and partied onstage: what happened?
-Not to mention victories by crappy viideos like Knowles' really hurt the
proceedings. It may be a stretch to think the VMAs would actually honour video
greatness, but giving an award to Knowles' sleazy "Crazy In Love"
really hits the bottom of the barrel. It's not so much that the video concept-
sex- is wrong, it's that the video is blatant marketing, just like Nelly's
"Hot In Herre", and thus making it far from great. The nominees
overall were crappy- great, mainstream videos by the likes of 2PAC ("Thugz
Mansion"), The White Stripes ("Seven Nation Army") and Sum 41
("The Hell Song") were barely nominated or bypassed entirely, and,
except for a few, like "Work It", none were anything special. Nominees
help an awards show, but MuchMusic showed this year they can pull of a great
show with crappy nominees so MTV is now under the microscope.
-Props to Coldplay's Chris Martin for being genuinely dazed at winning
"Breakthrough Video". Not only did it surprise him and his band, it
surprised many others as well, especially considering The White Stripes got a
nomination for the category. It would have been nice if more surprises happened
along the way, though.
-Should it be a surprise to anyone thaat those Molson spots (featuring people as
"Monday" and "Thursday") were a lot more ingenuitive and
vibrant than the actual awards? Regardless, when a commercial beats the actual
show, you know there's a problem.
-Overall, it was a long, turgid and booring affair, seemingly dragging for days
even though it went on for three hours. The normally consistent VMAs went
standard and plain this year, and it showed. Maybe if they rediscover their
looseness and vitality next year they'll again have a great show, but, for now,
there was nothing but disappointment.
-DG