Squeaky

Trip Tucker stormed onto the bridge, PADD clutched in one hand. He stood in the doorway of the turbo lift, scrutinizing the area's other occupants until he saw his quarry. Narrowing his eyes, he stomped over to where Jon stood, talking quietly to Hoshi. He grabbed the Captain's arm, interrupting the conversation and forcing the Captain to look at him.

"We need to talk. Now." Trip snarled, practically dragging the other man towards the Captain's ready-room. Malcolm stepped out from behind his tactical consol, a concerned look on his face.

Jon waved him back as Trip pulled him off the bridge. "It's okay Malcolm," he called, "I'll be fine. This shouldn't take long."

Trip slammed his hand against the door's keypad, and it slid open. He pushed the Captain inside and quickly followed, the closing door quickly hiding them both from view.

***

"Well, that was interesting," Travis said after the door to the ready room had shut, "what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall in there!"

"It was a shocking disregard for rank and protocol, that's what it was." Malcolm huffed, "I don't know how the Captain puts up with it."

Hoshi gestured dismissively with her hand, "They've known each other for a long time. I'm sure the Captain is very used to Trip's display of temper by now."

T'Pol made a sound very close to a sniff. "I agree with Mr. Reed," she said, "The Captain should not allow such displays of emotion on his ship."

"Still," Travis mused, "don't you wonder what they're talking about?"

"Yes!" Hoshi said.

"No." Malcolm stated at the same time.

"Wonder is a human emotion," T'Pol replied, "I am merely—interested."

***

Jon settled back against the desk in the ready room, crossed his arms loosely and regarded his Chief Engineer with a tolerant expression. "So, what can I do for you, Trip?" he said, "I'm guessing it must be pretty important."

Trip shoved the PADD towards Jon's face, holding it just underneath the other man's nose. "Did you get a chance to read The Universal Inquisitor this week?" he spat, "specifically the current events column on page 32?"

"Can't say that I have," Jon said carefully, taking the PADD out of Trip's hand, "Am I correct in assuming that it has something to do with me?"

"You bet your ass it does," Trip snapped, crossing his arms. He gestured with his chin. "Read it."

"Okay," Jon sighed, settled back on the desk. He keyed the PADD on, and immediately a small article popped up on the screen. "That isn't a very flattering picture of me." He frowned.

"Read the damn article."

"Alright, alright," Jon muttered. "Lessee, it says here that 'Captain Jonathan Archer, Captain of Earth's first Warp five vessel -'" Jon looked up, "it's correct so far."

Trip narrowed his eyes, leaned closer. "Are you tryin' to piss me off?" he growled into Jon's ear.

"'Is 'boldly going where no man had gone before' in more ways then one,'" Jon stopped reading and raised his eyebrows.

"Keep goin'" Trip said.

Jon cleared his throat, "'It turns out that Mr. Archer is having nightly threesomes with two of the members of his bridge crew, a reputable source informs us. While no names have been named, we can tell you that one of the lovelies has dark hair and eyes, while the other has brown hair, light eyes and talks with a distinctive accent. Their relationship…' blah blah blah." Jon rolled his eyes. "Is this what's got you so hot and bothered?"

"Is it true?" Trip said, hands on hips, "are you sleeping with two of the bridge crew?"

Jon looked shocked, "What?"

"You heard me," Trip spat, "tell me the truth. Are you havin' 'nightly threesomes' with Hoshi and T'Pol?"

"Hoshi and T'Pol?" Jon repeated.

"Yeah! Hoshi and T'Pol!" Trip yelled. He grabbed the PADD out of Jon's hands and smacked the back of his fingers against it. "It says so right here! A woman with dark hair and eyes, another one with light eyes and an accent! Who else could that be but Hoshi and T'Pol?"

Jon laughed, "Trip, you actually believe this crap?"

"Well, are you?" Trip said, insistent, "'Cause I'd really like to know if my boyfriend is cheatin' on me with two other people."

"Trip," Jon said, placing his hand on his chest, "I am not cheating on you with Hoshi and T'Pol. I promise you, I'm not."

Trip looked dubious. "Then why did they write the article?"

"I don't know!" Jon exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "Maybe it's because I'm a public figure back on Earth, and they know we're on a five year mission, so they figure I'd have to hook up with somebody. Maybe because it's not uncommon for people to have sex with people they work with. Maybe it's because they figure any man in his right mind would want to sleep with Hoshi and T'Pol, so they just put me with both of them." He cupped his palms on the edge of his desk, looking up at Trip through his eyelashes. "Maybe they don't realize how sexy my Chief Engineer is," he said seductively.

Trip gave a half-smile. "So, the article's made up?"

"Oh yeah," Jon replied forcefully, "I have never, nor will I ever sleep with Hoshi and T'Pol." He laughed. "Hell! T'Pol's twice my age, and Hoshi's young enough to be my daughter!"

Trip let his head drop. "I'm sorry, Jon," he mumbled, "I shouldn't have doubted you."

Jon stood and clapped him on the shoulder. "No harm done, Trip," he said, "I'm sorry you were concerned."

Trip looked up at him, voice low and throaty. "Can I make it up to you later?"

"My quarters? 22 hundred?" Jon said, reaching down and gently grasping Trip's cock, "that work for you?"

"Oh yeah," Trip replied, breathless as Jon began rubbing him with his palm. He gave a small frown. "Why so late?"

Jon let go of him, placing his hand on Trip's chest instead. "I have something I have to do first, okay?"

"Okay," Trip said, "I understand." He turned back towards the door. "Sorry about draggin' you off the bridge," he said, "it was kinda unprofessional."

Jon slapped his ass. "That's what I like about you, Trip," Jon said, "you keep me on my toes." He pushed him gently towards the door, "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"You bet," Trip agreed. He paused in the open doorway. "Love you," he whispered.

"Tonight!" Jon winked, letting the door slide shut. He went back to the desk, collapsing in his chair, letting out a big sigh of relief.

***

Malcolm sat in the mess hall, reading from a PADD, eating his dinner. Travis put his tray beside him and sat down, leaning conspiratorially towards the Armoury Officer.

"I think I figured out what was bugging Trip earlier today," he whispered.

"I think I have as well, Ensign," Malcolm replied in his normal voice. He tossed the PADD onto the table besides Travis, "the article in the Universal Inquisitor."

Travis picked up the PADD, "Oh," he mumbled, "I thought it was about…" He frowned at the article, sentence forgotten. After a moment he looked up at Malcolm, "How'd they know?" he said, incredulous.

"Clearly, someone must have tipped them off about us," Malcolm said, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "We will have to endeavour to be more careful in the future."

Travis looked around the mess hall, worried expression on his face. "Why hasn't Trip said anything then? Why isn't he over here, threatening to kill us both?"

"Because," Malcolm answered calmly, "the article doesn't specify what sex the participants are, and I think we can safely assume the Commander thought they meant Hoshi and T'Pol."

"But how..?" Travis looked at the PADD again, "I get it!" He said, "Dark hair and eyes, an accent. It could be any of us!"

Malcolm tapped the side of his nose. "The bread-and-butter of tabloid journalism, plenty of innuendo, a dearth of fact." He leaned back in his chair. "It would have been an easy matter for the Captain to convince Trip that he wasn't having 'nightly threesomes' with the Sub-Commander and Ensign Sato."

"He wouldn't even have been lying!" Travis smiled broadly, "our secret's still safe."

"For now, at least." Malcolm agreed. He stood. "Best eat up," he said, indicating Travis' full plate, "you know we have a meeting with the Captain at 1900."

"You know I'm never late for our meetings," Travis said, picking up his fork, "see you soon."

Malcolm winked at him, and left the mess hall. Disappointing, he thought to himself as he walked, I would have thought Trip would have been clever enough to figure that one out. He sighed, frowning as he rubbed his chin with his hand. Clearly getting Trip out of the picture was going to take a bit more work then just a comm link to The Inquisitor. He would have to wait a bit longer before he had the Captain all to himself. Malcolm allowed himself a small smile. No matter, it was a five year journey. And Malcolm was a very patient man.