MJ

"War or Death?" Reed mused. "I like War well enough, you know, but I rather fancy Death, overall."

"You would," Tucker snorted, chugging his beer. "Can't have both, though."

"Why not?" Reed demanded. "Where there's War, Death follows."

"Okay," Archer said, slapping the table. He was glad no one else was in the Captain's Mess. "You're War, Malcolm, and I'm Death. That way I can follow you around."

Reed smirked, looking over at Archer. "Really, love, someone might notice."

"Oh, I think they've already noticed." Archer returned to his own beer for a moment. "At least, the rest of the bridge crew has. Which reminds me—Travis. We still have Pestilence and Famine. What do we do for Travis?"

Reed chewed his lip, thinking. Tucker tried to avoid watching Archer watch Reed chew his lip. Finally, Reed looked up at both of them. "Simple. Trip, you're Famine, and Travis is Pestilence."

"How do you get that?" Tucker asked, curious.

"It's quite simple, really, when you think about it. Travis is a Boomer, so he's a major pain in the ass, so he simply must be Pestilence. That only leaves Famine."

Trip was indignant. "Like hell I'm Famine. If anyone oughta be Famine, it's you. Phlox is always raggin' on you about forgettin' to eat and needin' to gain weight."

Archer shook his head. "I don't think so. If anyone on this ship's War, it's Malcolm." He glanced over at Reed again. "I see a commando sweater and grenades, myself."

Reed chuckled. "Is that the fantasy you wouldn't tell me the other night?"

"Too much information!" Tucker snorted. "Get a room, you two."

"We have one," Reed goaded. "Two, actually, but Jon's bed is larger."

Tucker raised his hands to his ears, feigning indignance. "These are things your friends don't need to know, guys…" He lowered his hands slowly. "Besides, how do you do Famine?"

"Carry a bunch of wilted carrots and a resequenced meatloaf," Reed suggested Tucker laughed; Archer glowered.

"I don't think Chef would be amused," the captain said in a mock-offended tone. "Besides, Phlox might start following Trip around all night for a piece of his meatloaf."

"Phlox can keep his hands off my loaf," the engineer complained.

Archer drained his beer. "Enough, gentlemen. Do we have the Halloween party costume theme figured out now?"

"We do." Tucker rose first. "See you two later?"

"Hey," Archer complained to the departing engineer, "we have water polo downloads to catch."

Tucker shook his head. "Uh, it's late, Jon, and if you two are gonna be sitting up together watching naked guys in a pool, three's gonna be a big crowd."

Archer chuckled. "Fair enough. See you for breakfast?"

"Sure thing." Tucker headed to the door.

"One thing, Trip."

"Yeah?" Tucker looked over at Archer.

"Which one of us wants to break the news to Travis that we decided he's a pest?"