film reviews
2000
(front-loaded ranking, alphabetical after that)

EXCELLENCE
(* * * *)
films that will undoubtably be remembered
when the end of the year rolls around
Almost Famous
An Affair of Love
George Washington
High Fidelity.
State and Main
The Virgin Suicides
Wonder Boys
You Can Count On Me


ON THE BRINK
(* * * 1/2)
the "I-gave-it-three-and-a-half-stars-'cuz-
it-was-nearly-perfect-but-not-quite-mind-blowing" spot
Adrenaline Drive
Before Night Falls
Cast Away
The Color of Paradise
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Dancer in the Dark
Erin Brockovich
Fantasia 2000
The Filth and the Fury
Girl on the Bridge
The House of Mirth
Jesus' Son
Love's Labour's Lost
Madadayo
Mifune
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Requiem For a Dream
Thirteen Days
Traffic
Yi Yi


IN LIMBO
(* * *)
I recognize your brilliance and your flaws
and judge them to be on a 3:1 sliding scale
Animal Factory
Bamboozled
Bedazzled
The Big Kahuna
Bring It On
Cherry Falls
Chicken Run
Chocolat
Chuck & Buck
Cyberworld 3-D
Deterrence
Dr. T & the Women
The Emperor and the Assassin
The Emperor's New Groove
Frequency
Gladiator
Hanging Up
The Idiots
Into the Deep 3-D
Judy Berlin
The Legend of Bagger Vance
The Ninth Gate
Not One Less
Pollock
Quills
Revelations : Paradise Lost 2
The Road to El Dorado
Road Trip
Rugrats in Paris
Such a Long Journey
The Tigger Movie
Time Code
Waking the Dead
The Wind Will Carry Us
Wonderland
X-Men


PAR FOR THE COURSE
(* * 1/2)
Breaking even is hard to do.
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
American Psycho
Bait
Best in Show
Croupier
Dr. Seuss's 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'
Drowning Mona
The Family Man
Finding Forrester
Ghost Dog : The Way of the Samurai
La Buche
Loser
Love and Basketball
Mission Impossible 2
Nurse Betty
Orphans
The Patriot
The Perfect Storm
Play it to the Bone
Red Planet
Remember the Titans
Saving Grace
Scary Movie
Shadow of the Vampire
Shanghai Noon
The Sixth Day
Snow Day
The Third Miracle
Thomas and the Magic Railroad
Titan A.E.
Unbreakable
What Lies Beneath
What Women Want


LOW RENT DISTRICT
(* *)
Clearly not something I'd see in a train
station bathroom - but close.
All the Pretty Horses
Black and White
Boiler Room
Book of Shadows : Blair Witch 2
Boys and Girls
Cecil B. Demented
Center Stage
The Contender
East is East
Final Destination
The Five Senses
The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas
Girlfight
Gone in Sixty Seconds
Grass
Groove
Gun Shy
Hamlet
Keeping the Faith
The Kid
Me, Myself & Irene
Meet the Parents
Onegin
The Original Kings of Comedy
Pitch Black
Proof of Life
The Replacements
Rules of Engagement
Small Time Crooks
Sunshine
U-571
What Planet Are You From?
Whatever it Takes
Where the Money Is
The Whole Nine Yards
Winter Sleepers
The Wisdom of Crocodiles


-$7.75 (-$5.00 if matinee)
(* 1/2)
I've warned everyone I know. Even some I don't know.
The Beach
Billy Elliot
Bounce
The Cell
Dinosaur
Hollow Man
Mystery, Alaska
The Nutty Professor II : The Klumps
Pay it Forward
Return to Me
Scream 3
Shaft
Supernova
28 Days
The Watcher
The Way of the Gun
The Yards


WILL REQUIRE MOUTHWASH
(*)
"You need a whole meal to get rid of that taste!" - Kids, 1995.
Autumn in New York
Down To You
Eye of the Beholder
Get Carter
Joe Gould's Secret
Little Nicky
Men of Honor
RKO 281
Romeo Must Die
The Skulls
Southpaw
The Tao of Steve
Three Strikes


THE CHEESE GRATER
(1/2 *)
It would be more pleasureable to masturbate
with above object than to watch these films
Battlefield Earth
Big Momma's House
Bless the Child
Coyote Ugly
The Crew
Here on Earth
Lost Souls
Mission to Mars
Reindeer Games


SILTY DREGS
(no *'s)
Not only does it give me chest pains for weeks,
it ruined a perfectly good set of eyes
Highlander : Endgame
The Next Best Thing
Urban Legends : Final Cut

RE-RELEASE BIN
If it got re-released, it's probably pretty damn good -
but I still have to ostracize it from the modern films,
for obvious reasons.

A Hard Day's Night
Beyond the Clouds
The Exorcist : The Version You've Never Seen
Hard Eight
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Ran
Rear Window
Sunset Boulevard



(2000 films in alphabetical order)
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