The Next Best Thing (F)

Not merely offensive, not just poorly written, not just unpleasant - this is a film that sets the bar for any 'Kramer vs. Kramer' knock-offs, Hollywood gay-bash fests and movies that contain celebrities eager to exploit their real life labels.

The Ninth Gate (B+)

Polanski's film has your number and isn't taking your expectations of it in stride for a moment. He sets a wonderful tone by making it just on the fringe of goofiness - and yet so straight faced; taking itself so seriously, it's about to crack up. A "Gutter-dog-Indiana Jones" film  - - - about books.

Not One Less (B+)

A wonderfully simple, carefully structured story of a thirteen year old teacher that ventures into the big city to retrieve a student. There is no filmmaker on earth like Zhang Yimou, who has carved a niche as impressive as any of the masters. This film is smile-on-your-face delightful from it's opening scenes to it's closing credits.

Nurse Betty (B-)

Properly twisty fantasy, often rewarding work from director LaBute, clearly deserving of majority of kudos due. Script often lacks interest and necessity, especially when coprolaliacs Freeman and Rock are onscreen. Luckily, Zelwegger is a glass slipper as Betty.

Nutty Professor II : The Klumps (D+)

The film is dry, Sherman has become far too sympathetic, we're awfully light on story continuity and plausibility (and certainly too labored in a sequence lampooning 'Star Wars', '2001 : A Space Odyssey' and 'Armageddon' that is a miserable failure). There is a well-directed, fascinating scene where Murphy plays all of his relatives at a dinner table (just like in the original re-make) and manages to hit high notes with each one. I figured a film whose subtitle was 'The Klumps' would have more scenes of the whole family razzing each other.

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (B+)

Yes! Because it's Coen-o-centric from start to finish. Clooney, proving once again that he is one of the most likeable actors, wraps his head around a character with a vocabulary that's part genius and part ignorance. Jokes about the Klan, palmade and cattle ring beautifully odd in a way that only these fraternal filmmakers can manage.

Onegin (C-)

Hard to swallow a film that feels less like its own entity than a blueprint for first-time Masterpiece Theater directors on how to film duels, exploit embittered sexual repression, beef up on scoffing, stage elaborate dinners...wondering just how many pseudo-Merchant Ivory tones can be stacked on top each other before the pile comes toppling down?

The Original Kings of Comedy (C)

Adieu to the heyday of stand-up reagents like Murphy, Foxx and Pryor.  They’ve been supplanted by the intermittently funny, one-track thematic preoccupation of four episodic ramblers hailing from WB sitcoms. And the urgency to get them on the big screen was?

Orphans (C+)

Dark import where a mother's death seems only a shallow ploy to disguise an often clever riff on Scorcese's 'After Hours'. 'Orphans' keeps the hits coming at a decent pace, slowed only when the film decides to be about something. It's at it's very best when it's coming up with outlandish and disastrously painful (and comical) situations to thrust it's three protagonists into.

The Patriot (C+)

Though devoid of any real nutrition, this is the ultimate summer movie : entertaining, willful to participate in audience pleasing dualism (bloodshed and romance), visually sound and patriotically rousing. No more or less than you'd expect; it's a silly diversion that diverts effectively.

Pay it Forward (C-)

Manipulative drivel. Osment plays the character all wrong, Spacey gets lost in the madness, Jay Mohr? The same one? and Helen Hunt gives another empassioned "I have an Oscar - - - nah, nah, nah, nah, nah" performance. The film, about doing good deeds, rewards the audience with the confirmation that this is both a cold and cynical world. Thanks, by the way.

The Perfect Storm (C+)

When the boat's on the water and the machismo gears are shifting, 'The Perfect Storm' is on. Unfortunately, the film happens to take a good thirty-two minutes to get on the sea and little that isn't utterly laughable happens during this time. The intercutting is weak, the score is heavily overused and the ending is, well, out of step for a film like this. Nevertheless - the geniunely haunting and beautifully apocalyptic storm surge in the special effects is worth a trip to see.

Pitch Black (C)

Take one part 'Alien', one part 'Aliens' and one part 'Alien 3' - mix them together among a druggy set of (sometimes) visually independent images and season with a commanding - if over-the-top - performance by Vin Diesel and you've got an action movie that's so bad its good and vice versa.

Play it to the Bone (C)

Experimental Shelton failure aiming to explore the alchemy of camaraderie as exploited in boxing. The film builds a friendship and tests it in thrilling boxing sequences. Often clouded with too much conversation and over-the-top character acting.

Pollock (B)

I think I could take issue with how by-the-numbers Pollock is if it weren't so damn well performed. As Jackson Pollock, Ed Harris drips the paint of life onto the screen and is geniunely watchable and memorable in one of the best male performances of the year. Marcia Gay Harden is damn good as his wife.

Proof of Life (C)

Fails as an action film, as a romance, as a survival story from a hostage's POV (well, duh, it was focused on the other two and failing, how could it keep that, the most interesting aspect of the film, up). Russell Crowe and Meg Ryan have chemistry - - - but nothing to do with it. David Morse is inspired casting and wasted, as well.

Quills (B)

Alright, it's filmed theater. But in the best sense of the word. Phil Kaufman's predictably well-acted (all except for Caine, who seems to be playing too evil for the occasion) film celebrates, most of all, the prose of the Marquis De Sade. Rivaling the eloquence of, dare I say it, Shakespeare; De Sade's writing deserves a film like this - - - one where Kate Winslet's dead body cann be ravaged by a libido-starved priest played by Joaquin Phoenix.

Red Planet (C)

So utterly mediocre that it isn't as bad as Mission to Mars. Quite an accomplishment.

Reindeer Games (D)

Frankenheimer has a long name and I like to say it. And ending up in that theater because his last movie had some promising car chases is as ludicrous as deciding to see a film because the director has a playfully long and textured last name that resembles a movie monster dragged through the German dictionary.

Remember the Titans (C+)

First time writer Howard likens football to race relations, stratagem constantly preparing for a provocative payoff where white folks go from ignorant to enlightened in as little time as it took him to dream up countless scenes you'd expect to see in an inspirational sports cinema hymn; and therein lies the paradox as director Yakin manages to pull off the thrill of "sports movie spirit" in his strong characterization of players and coaches.

The Replacements (C)

So drab and underachieving - - - and yet so "follow-the-fold", it almost sinks to the bottom. A 'Major League' for football fans, this slow-paced crapper about a group of replacement football players who take over for the real deal dies in the air. It comes down out-of-bounds because it refuses to do anything interesting with the motley crew of idiot characters written into it.

Requiem For a Dream (B+)

So beautifully edited and concieved. Though there's very little content to make it memorable, it packs the same dehabilitating, exhausting punch as the Normandy Beach sequence in 'Saving Private Ryan'. The junkies in this film explore the same double-edged sword as those in 'Trainspotting' - - - with a solemn darkness that covers all like a blanket. A filmmaker has captured addiction at 24 frames per second.

Return to Me (D+)

An exercise in exposition bingo, this bland romantic comedy is mostly the fault of director Bonnie Hunt who leaves so much dead air into this hapless play at coincidence, it's hard not to be distracted from the good chemistry Minnie Driver and David Duchovny manage.

Revelations : Paradise Lost 2 (B)

Not quite as compelling than it's predecessor, 'Revelations' is a compulsively watchable document, again screaming objectivity while humming subjectivity at the same time. This duality, coupled with layer upon layer of meaning - and the mere presence of Jon Mark Byers, the oddest, most outgoing man - make for a hell of an entertaining watch.

RKO 281 (D+)

An overwrought mess three years too late. 'The Battle Over Citizen Kane' - one of those documentaries that shows you everything you ever hoped for regarding Welles, his pre-Kane theater days and the scandal of 'Kane' itself - covered all of the ground 'RKO 281' is content to dramatize. It emerges with rare, sub-cable scraps. And, by the way, Shreiber makes an awful Welles.

The Road to El Dorado (B)

I liked this film. The smartass dialogue and setting prove a nice adventure to bask in - - - a little spoiled when two villains finally pop up and we are confronted with delineating between them as things get more than a little too complicated for the occasion. Entertaining and pleasant (though the Elton John songs just plain don't work).

Road Trip (B)

How surprising! A gross-out film that's actually funny enough to warrant tastelessness, but smart enough to keep it simple and moving. It's not all magic - - - sperm bank jokes and marijuana humor have gone by the wayside ages ago - - - but there is something in this that works for at least a diversion, if not more.

Romeo Must Die (D+)

'Romeo Must Die' has a whole lot to do with the amateur-music-video genre and very little to offer in the way of martial arts. Even the sequences where Jet Li kicks the crap out of assorted moral degenerates appear plucked from a computer screen where a young boy has just figured out how to do the super-deluxe-power-up-kick on a chinsy, simple video game.

Rules of Engagement (C-)

How in the hell did they manage to shrink actors like Sam Jackson and Tommy Lee Jones into parts written for TV actors? This drivel plays like bad Court TV and occasionally, just occasionally, bows into the territory of
- - - gulp! - - - C-SPAN.

Rugrats in Paris (B+)

Smarter, even more off the wall feature based upon the TV series than its predecessor, released two years ago. As this one finds Chucky searching Paris for a mother - - - it also finds the babies obsessed with playing "Godfather", If that helps you.

Saving Grace (C-)

The lightest of the recent wave of Britcoms aimed at artful American filmgoers, desperate to label European imports with words like 'original' and 'smart'. These films are fast becoming thin riffs on a formula, right down to the characters, the music and the pace and the whimsical stuff that's starting to seem a lot less whimsical with every soundbite which reads : "This year's 'The Full Monty'".

Scary Movie (C)

Only when it goes mercilessly too far does this oversexed, often far too obvious spoof-of-spoofs take flight. The rest of the time, I'm dreaming of 'In Living Color' re-runs that don't fall as flat as a good number of the jokes in this Wayans family distraction of a film.

Scream 3 (C-)

The tired series closes uneventfully, with extensive set-ups for clever execution that never cease to roll back into the same boring groove. That goes double for the "old" characters, thin to begin with; and the "new" ones, which are barely there. I'm starting to wonder just how much we as moviegoers are going to pay with our souls for supporting any of these lackluster horror spoofs.

Shadow of the Vampire (B-)

Extraordinarly dark, often funny - - - though the comedy is dwarfed by the majesty of progression that brings this very slow film to a boil in its closing minutes for a payoff that's nerve-jangling, ass tightening beauty. Malkovich, Izzard and, as you've heard, DeFoe are great in this fictionalized making-of spoof de 'Nosferatu'.

Shaft (C-)

Since it disconnects itself from the title character (predictably re-immortalized by the graceful yet aggressive Samuel L. Jackson) and plugs into a half-baked, sub-Blaxploitation gesture of a storyline, 'Shaft' is one bad m - - - - ovie. Shut yo Mouth? But I'm talking 'bout 'Shaft'. (Don't bother attempting to dig it, by the way.)

Shanghai Noon (B-)

It's a no-brainer in the old sense of the new Jackie Chan ideal : we hire a brilliant comic actor with brilliant comic timing (Owen C. Wilson, even better with Chan than Chris Tucker), give our fish-out-of-water hero enough time to do some kick-a-ma-rang kung-fu action (with his already brilliant timing intact) and we give it a snappy title.

The Sixth Day (C+)

Plays like a Schwarzenegger Gattaca to start with, right down to the formula (which includes thirty minutes of clever, really creative stuff and then a story that's beneath it); and ends with a True Lies looking helicopter stunt that sits in your belly after the film is over. In a bad way. Entertaining, but not a good film by any stretch of the imagination.

The Skulls (D-)

Let's hear it for the terribly acted, absolutely implausible and completely flat son of 'The Firm'. If ever a secret society did exist that resembled this one - director Cohen would make out better milking it for laughs, like the Simpsons did to the Masons in the "Stonecutters" episode.

Small Time Crooks (C-)

Instead of infusing a clever humor matched with the usual neurotic realism-transcending-tragicomedy of his films, Allen has hatched a set of devious and unpleasant characters - not simply because they're uneducated and constantly threatening each other - but because Allen has forgotten how much fun it is to watch his cornball  directing. ‘Small Time Crooks’ is small time funny.

Southpaw (D)

Call me insensitive, but I thought the qualification for being documentary material was being
someone outstanding, weird, worthy of honor or, in some way challenging or interesting. Director McGrath has picked one of the most ordinary and boring of people, Francis Barrett (rather camera-deterrent to boot) to have his boxing career (which consists mostly of losses, badly filmed) tracked as he rises from a traveller camp in Galway to the Olympics.

Space Cowboys (D-)

"Clint, Warner Bros. here - - - look, we need a barrage of old people in space and we need it shot, edited and released in the next month. Don't bother with any kind of full attention, just show up when you can and we'll do stuff in, like, one take and cut it together with some special effects left over from various other space movies we have in the can. No, don't worry about the script, we'll just give you the pages as our writers come up with them. Thanks."

State and Main (A-)

Mamet on the money. His appraisal of American language interpretation turns its vile rays on Hollywood's disturbance of small town America in a film about, well, "purity". Everyone is right there in the mud pit, slinging the intellectualized humor of the master playwright (who, by the way, is something of a comedic genius as well) as if it were second nature.

Such a Long Journey (B)

Occasionally oceans more than a neighborhood drama, sometimes nothing more than a tear-jerker, 'Journey' succeeds in a majority of scenes by pushing the nuances of a world we've never seen and keeping the universality heartily low-key. This is a film that populates itself with characters who are willing to define themselves, which works beautifully in a film that is conservative, but doesn't lack flair. It's usual, but confident, delightful and entertaining.

Sunshine (C)

Supernova (C-)

A dull space case plotted from the ashes of dozens of other films, 'Supernova' meanders through a tale that has absolutely nothing to do with supernovas. Though often visually striking it is a rather dull film comprised of far too many diagonal shots and painted almost entirely in blue. Interesting casting, though the film does very little with its actors except add CG to their faces and their surroundings until you're dead sure somebody spiked your soda with LSD.

The Tao of Steve (D)

The Third Miracle (C+)

Despite some moody video footage and a completely surprising love story - that I thoroughly enjoyed - Agnieszka Holland's stern film adds up to nothing more than the cookie cutter for your typical Hollywood courtroom potboiler set in a Catholic Church's board-meeting room.

Thirteen Days (A-)

A taut, exhaustive historical thriller that presents more information, more succinct turns by actors as U.S. polititicans (Kulp as Bobby and Greenwood as JFK are breathtaking) and more over-loaded sequences of men balancing leadership, patriotism and goodness as if they had to decide the fate of the world (which they do)
... than you can shake a stick at.

Thomas and the Magic Railroad (C+)

It's fantasy land. Baldwin is overacting (watch him in this and then see him in an ironic opposite role in 'State and Main'), Fonda is underacting (rent 'Nadja' for the same effect as Baldwin) and the train is coming. Mara Wilson is, however, not acting. Good for the kids - - - the parents are welcome to take a crack at it.

Three Strikes (D)

Strike One :  Trying to remake 'Friday';
Strike Two : Copping out on its entire premise in the closing moments;
Strike Three : Being a theaterical release rather than STV, where I would have ignored it for sure.

The Tigger Movie (B)

Instead of lazing out in the simplicity of its script, our title character confronts existentialism like a beatnik Kramer from 'Seinfeld', flowing with a language akin to Shakespeare amidst fantasy-driven backgrounds. He comes to an easy conclusion:  Tiggerdom is a state of mind.

Time Code (B+)

Easy enough to get caught up in the experiment and overlook the melodrama Figgis implants into his generic storyline. My advice is to delve into the visual logistics of the whole thing where it becomes a tirelessly entertaining watch that's so absolutely pretentious - it works.

Titan A.E. (B-)

The protocol low-rent story/dialogue transcends some higher expectation of mine: in this visual feast it's every scene for itself, begging you to look it's way as it tries to top the last one in aesthetic beauty and futuristic interpretation. This is the world of junked-out space heaps, vast and surprising vistas, fast and dangerous alien foes and wonderfully imaginitive terrain encircling all; sans a brain.

Traffic (B+)

Patchwork quilt of a film examining the unwinnable war on drugs. The standout performance is from Benecio Del Toro as a police officer who goes undercover in Mexico, but it is Michael Douglas who cold cocks American audiences as a big name actor in a dualistically unique position as a Anti-drug Task Force leader and the father of a crack addict. The time-shifting, color enhancement and inspired direction is as perfect as Soderburgh gets without overdoing it.

28 Days (C-)

How Hollywood views the drug problem: "Oh, after years of being hooked on drugs and booze, Sandra Bullock could be off of them moments after emerging from a clinic. We're sure of it." Blow off this one that is bafflingly well-acted but offensively redundant (when seen in the same year as films like 'Requiem for a Dream' or 'Traffic').

U-571 (C)

Forty-five minutes or so of expository garbage evenutually gives 'U-571' the opportunity to work terrifically. The actors are really good at bouncing echoes off of a claustrophobic hunk of metal under the sea. This is the kind of film DTS sound was made for; brazen nerve-jangling 8-channel surround sound, amped up and overused to effectiveness.

Unbreakable (B+)

Dark-shrouded tone from M. Night. Greatish performances by Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis dot a film that's bleak, fascinating and marginally brilliant. Don't know why it was so unpopular. 'Unbreakable' is cinema. Very, very original cinema.

Urban Legends : Final Cut (F)

A teen horror film of inexplicably poor craftsmanship. To start with, it takes place at a film school. I've been to film school. The filmmakers (which includes The Usual Suspects editor/composer John Ottman) demonstrate that they clearly have not been to film school. And from there, it's all repetition.

The Virgin Suicides (A)

A film that realizes the creation process in memory better than any I've ever seen. As passionate and nostaligic as it is - it's also one hell of an atmospheric character study of two collective consciousnesses : the four title characters and four boys who come of age while never ceasing to obsess over them. A earth-shattering performance by Kirsten Dunst.

Waking the Dead (B)

A haunting, absorbing and affecting experience. Billy Crudup practically reinvents psychological breakdown and fervent passion as if no one had ever expressed such feelings onscreen. Keith Gordon directs his films, unfortunately, with more heart than brain.  An old-fashioned, constantly straight-forward love story (even though told in idiot-proof flashback and flash-forward mode), is melded with a new order of visualization and aesthetic sculpting.

The Watcher (C-)

Keanu Reeves plays a serial killer in a performance that overwhelms any good thing I might say about this piece of crap. Underwritten, undercreative, underwhelming - - - understand?

The Way of the Gun (C-)

Poor Christopher McQuarrie. He's not nearly the director Bryan Singer is. He adds plot twist upon plot twist, entangling most of them until they ring boring - - - Ryan Phillipe and Benecio Del Toro are good, there's some visual twang that's half-interesting - - - but unfortunately, it all ends up feeling rather familiar because McQuarrie is more intersted in seeing if he can do it, rather than actually doing it. Which he doesn't.

What Lies Beneath (C+)

Zemeckis wisely keeps his two actors busy as possible with open-and-shut twists that are merely window dressing meant to allow for spine-tingling chicanery. Instead of a palette of larceny, this film is built around miniature homages to Hitchcock (particularly the momentum - straight out of 'Vertigo'); but mostlyy, it's a cheap thrill.

What Planet Are You From? (C)

A prime example of an "ass-on-couch-rental-film". A premise that can only be backed by sharp one-liners and shiny big supporting casts, this one is about an alien that poses as a human to procreate and thereby, take over the planet. It suffers from a terminal sense of sitcom-itis.

Whatever it Takes (C)

Comparing teen movies is like comparing diseases: whether they're getting better or worse - they still suck on general principle. This two-fold, wriggling-itself-loose version of 'Cyrano de Bergerac' features adults as high schoolers and wastes time charming itself to death while the vacuous nothing of its flopping jokes and teen sex-lite vibe clobbers whatever fun you might have.

Where the Money Is (C)

Not that its any of my business, but why should a heist flick be made that packs its conclusion and all surprises in tow into the first act, be allowed to even have a second and third act? It feels like a TV movie posing as an independent: No matter how often the tone feels unconventional, the script flies over flat territory and bombs the shit out of a seemingly harmless Paul Newman vehicle.

The Whole Nine Yards (C)

With some jokes you'd rather die than laugh at, some pandering from Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis that could pass for "buddy comedy", this is essentially a bad film that winds up being just charming enough not to completely suck.

The Wind Will Carry Us (B)

More exquisitely photographed than his 'Kokek' trilogy (but imminently more empty and obtuse), Kiarostami's 'The Wind Will Carry Us' feels like an introduction to something bigger on the the horizon. He's examining death, but he's doing it subtly (the cell phone that only works in a cemetary) as much as he's doing it obviously (the twig floating downstream).

Winter Sleepers (C)

It's more than simply an empty story that has beautiful cinematography and an awesome score.  The frailties of coincidence as we all pass by each other striking up fate - an overlong expansion of the ideas that Tykwer would later fragment beautifully in 'Run Lola Run'. Somehow the tone implied (of winter drama) comes out as simply snowy soap - and after about 1/3 of it's duration, you're so uninvolved, you can't do much but look at the pretty scenery, framing and actors.

The Wisdom of Crocodiles (C)

Wonder Boys (A)

Finally, a film celebrating literature and teachers that reads like a novel. Douglas, McGuire, Downey, Jr., Torn and McDormand all make a particularly perfect match as a cast - but it's director Hanson, burying the action mindset from his early career, that makes this a poetic reflection worth such a description.

Wonderland (B)

In some ways a sly picture, 'Wonderland' (which I've dubbed 'Eastenders Dark') infuses intrusive verite ramblings to transcend and justify it's extremely soapy first impression, nicely diverted by a flawless ensemble cast. It's stuck in the most boring kind of limbo imaginable : It isn't necessarily unique or ordinary.

X-Men (B)

If it falls headlong into special effectsville, the best things that can be said are that its opening thirty minutes are as high minded as any dramatic film released this year and that those special effects, which you can practically see crushing a decent script, 20th Century Fox tag in tow, are as seamless as those in our most recent successes in sed field (i.e. - 'Star Wars Episode 1', 'The Matrix').

The Yards (C-)

It just made me feel so goddamn depressed at the end. Not because of the content, but mainly because of how poorly made and familiar it feels. When you have a film that feels like a dozen other films, the idea is to make it stand out in some way. James Gray, director of Little Odessa, I'm thinking, ought to understand that concept.

Yi Yi (A One and a Two...) (B+)

So delightfully human, so compellingly told; and a major contributor is its length: At three hours, you keep wanting more and more and you keep getting more and more. Warming and admirable filmmaking.

You Can Count On Me (B+)

Naturalistic comedy purged from entirely playwright infused script; actors Ruffalo and Linney create memorably quirky characters. Found myself confronted with the opportunity to laugh out loud and get mushy inside - a peppier but less profound riff on the "long lost sibling comes of age late in the game" theme explored in 'Ulee's Gold'.