|
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
1 O Eternal Love, You command Your Sacred Image [1] to be painted And reveal to us the inconceivable fount of mercy, You bless whoever approaches Your rays, And a soul all black will turn into snow. O sweet Jesus, it is here [2] You established the throne of Your mercy To bring joy and hope to sinful man. From Your open Heart, as from a pure fount, Flows comfort to a repentant heart and soul. May praise and glory for this Image Never cease to stream from man's soul. May praise of God's mercy pour from every heart, Now, and at every hour, and forever and ever. O My God
2 When I look into the future, I am frightened, But why plunge into the future? Only the present moment is precious to me, As the future may never enter my soul at all. It is no longer in my power, To change, correct or add to the past; For neither sages nor prophets could do that. And so, what the past has embraced I must entrust to God. O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire. I desire to use you as best I can. And although I am weak and small, You grant me the grace of your omnipotence. And so, trusting in Your mercy, I walk through life like a little child, Offering You each day this heart Burning with love for Your greater glory.
+ J.M.J. [Jesus, Mary, and Joseph]
3 God and souls King of Mercy, guide my soul.
Sister M. Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament Vilnius, July 28, 1934 4 O my Jesus, because of my trust in You, I weave thousands of garlands, and I know That they will all blossom. And I know that they will all blossom When God's sun will shine on them. + O great and Divine Sacrament That veils my God! Jesus, be with me each moment, And no fear will enter my heart.
+ Vilnius, July 28, 1934 J.M.J + First notebook God and Souls. 5 Be adored, O Most Holy Trinity, now and for all time. Be adored in all Your
works and all Your creatures. May the greatness of Your mercy be admired
and glorified, O God.
6 I am to write [3] down the encounters of my soul with You, O God, at the
moments of Your special visitations. I am to write about You, O
Incomprehensible in mercy towards my poor soul. Your holy will is the life of
my soul. I have received this order through him who is for me Your
representative here on earth, who interprets Your holy Will to me. Jesus, You
see how difficult it is for me to write, how unable I am to put down clearly what
I experience in my soul. O God, can a pen write down that for which many a
time there are no words? But You give the order to write, O God; that is
enough for me.
Warsaw, August 1, 1925 Entrance into the Convent
7 From the age of seven, I experienced the definite call of God, the grace of a
vocation to the religious life. It was in the seventh year of my life that, for the first
time, I heard God's voice in my soul; that is, an invitation to a more perfect life.
But I was not always obedient to the call of grace. I came across no one who
would have explained these things to me.
8 The eighteenth year of my life. An earnest appeal to my parents for
permission to enter the convent. My parents' flat refusal. After this refusal, I
turned myself over to the vain things of life, paying no attention to the call of
grace, although my soul found no satisfaction in any of these things. The
incessant call of grace caused me much anguish; I tried, however, to stifle it with
amusements. Interiorly, I shunned God, turning with all my heart to creatures.
However, God's grace won out in my soul.
9 Once I was at a dance [probably in Lodz] with one of my sisters. While
everybody was having a good time, my soul was experiencing deep torments.
As I began to dance. I suddenly saw Jesus at my side, Jesus racked with pain,
stripped of His clothing, all covered with wounds, who spoke these words to
me: How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting Me
off? At that moment the charming music stopped, [and] the company I was with
vanished from my sight; there remained Jesus and I. I took a seat by my dear
sister, pretending to have a headache in order to cover up what took place in
my soul. After a while I slipped out unnoticed, leaving my sister and all my
companions behind and made my way to the Cathedral of Saint Stanislaus Kostka. It was almost twilight; there were only a few people in the cathedral. Paying no
attention to what was happening around me, I fell prostrate before the Blessed
Sacrament and begged the Lord to be good enough to give me to understand
what I should do next.
10 Then I heard these words: Go at once to Warsaw; you will enter a convent
there. I rose from prayer, came home, and took care of things that needed to be
settled. As best I could, I confided to my sister what took place within my soul.
I told her to say good-by to our parents, and thus, in my one dress, with no
other belongings, I arrived in Warsaw.
11 When I got off the train and saw that all were going their separate ways, I
was overcome with fear. What am I to do? To whom should I turn, as I know
no one? So I said to the Mother of God, "Mary, lead me, guide me."
Immediately I heard these words within me telling me to leave the town and to
go to a certain nearby village where I would find a safe lodging for the night. I
did so and found in fact that everything was just as the Mother of God told me.
12 Very early the next day, I rode back into the city and entered the first church
I saw [St. James Church at Grojecka Street in Ochota, a suburb of Warsaw].
There I began to pray to know further the will of God. Holy Masses were being
celebrated one after another. During one of them I heard the words: Go to that
priest [Father James Dabrowski, pastor of St. James' Parish] and tell him
everything; he will tell you what to do next. After the Mass I went to the
sacristy. I told the priest all that had taken place in my soul, and I asked him to
advise me where to take the veil, in which religious order.
13 The priest was surprised at first, but told me to have strong confidence that
God would provide for my future. "For the time being," he said, "I shall send you
to a pious lady [Aldona Lipszycowa[4]] with whom you will stay until you enter
a convent." When I called on this lady, she received me very kindly. During the
time I stayed with her, I was looking for a convent, but at whatever convent
door I knocked, I was turned away. Sorrow gripped my heart, and I said to the
Lord Jesus, "Help me; don't leave me alone." At last I knocked on our door. [5]
14 When Mother Superior, the present Mother General Michael [6] came out
to meet me, she told me, after a short conversation, to go to the Lord of the
house and ask whether He would accept me. I understood at once that I was to
ask this of the Lord Jesus. With great joy, I went to the chapel and asked Jesus:
"Lord of this house, do You accept me? This is how one of these sisters told me
to put the question to You." Immediately I heard this voice: I do accept; you are in My Heart. When I
returned from the chapel, Mother Superior asked first of all, "Well, has the Lord
accepted you?" I answered, "Yes." "If the Lord has accepted, [she said] then I
also will accept."
15 This is how I was accepted. However, for many reasons I still had to remain
in the world for more than a year with that pious woman [Aldona Lipszycowa],
but I did not go back to my own home. At that time I had to struggle with many difficulties, but God was lavish with His
graces. An ever greater longing for God began to take hold of me. The lady,
pious as she was, did not understand the happiness of religious life and, in her
kindheartedness began to make other plans for my future life. And yet, I sensed
that I had a heart so big that nothing would be capable of filling it. And so I
turned with all the longing of my soul to God.
16 It was during the octave of Corpus Christi [June 25, 1925]. God filled my
soul with the interior light of a deeper knowledge of Him as Supreme Goodness
and Supreme Beauty. I came to know how very much God loves me. Eternal is
His love for me. It was at vespers. In simple words, which flowed from the
heart, I made to God a vow of perpetual chastity. From that moment I felt a
greater intimacy with God, my Spouse. From that moment I set up a little cell in
my heart where I always kept company with Jesus.
17 At last the time came when the door of the convent was opened for me - it
was the first of August [1925], in the evening, the vigil [of a feast] of Our Lady
of the Angels. I felt immensely happy; it seemed to em that I had stepped into
the life of Paradise. A single prayer was bursting forth from my heart, one of thanksgiving.
18 However, after three weeks I became aware that there is so very little time
here for prayer, and of many other things which spoke to my soul in favor of
entering a religious community of a stricter observance. This thought took a firm
hold of my soul, but the will of God was not in it. Still, the thought, or rather the
temptation, was growing stronger and stronger to the point where I decided one
day to announce my departure to Mother Superior and definitely to leave [the
convent]. But God arranged the circumstances in such a way that I could not get
to the Mother Superior [Michael]. I stepped into the little chapel [7] before
going to bed, and I asked Jesus for light in this matter. But I received nothing in
my soul except a strange unrest which I did not understand. But, in spite of
everything, I made up my mind to approach Mother Superior the next morning
right afte rMass and tell her of my decision.
19 I came to my cell. The sisters were already in bed - the lights were out. I
entered the cell full of anguish and discontent; I did not know what to do with
myself. I threw myself headlong on the ground and began to pray fervently that I
might come to know the will of God. There is silence everywhere as in the
tabernacle. All the sisters are resting like white hosts enclosed in Jesus' chalice.
It is only from my cell that God can hear the moaning of a soul. I did not know
that one was not allowed to pray in the cell after nine without permission. [8] After a while a brightness filled my cell, and on the curtain I saw the very
sorrowful Face of Jesus. There were open wounds on His Face, and large tears
were falling on my bedspread. Not knowing what all this meant, I asked Jesus,
"Jesus who has hurt You so?" And Jesus said to me, It is you who will cause
Me this pain if you leave this convent. It is to this place that I called you and
nowhere else; and I have prepared many graces for you. I begged pardon of
Jesus and immediately changed my decision. The next day was confession day. I related all that had taken place in my soul,
and the confessor answered that, from this, God's will is clear that I am to
remain in this congregation and that I'm not even to think of another religious
order. From that moment on, I have always felt happy and content.
20 Shortly after this, I fell ill [general exhaustion]. The dear Mother Superior
sent me with two other sisters for a rest to Skolimow, not far from Warsaw. It
was at that time that I asked the Lord who else I should pray for. Jesus said that
on the following night He would let me know for whom I should pray. [The Next night] I saw my Guardian Angel, who ordered me to follow him. In a
moment I was in a misty place full of fire in which there was a great crowd of
suffering souls. They were praying fervently, but to no avail, for themselves; only
we can come to their aid. The flames which were burning them did not touch me
at all. My Guardian Angel did not leave me for an instant. I asked these souls
what their greatest suffering was. They answered me in one voice that their
greatest torment was longing for God. I saw Our Lady visiting the souls in
Purgatory. The souls call her "The Star of the Sea." She brings them
refreshment. I wanted to talk with them some more, but my Guardian Angel
beckoned me to leave. We went out of that prison of suffering.[I heard and
interior voice] which said, My mercy does not want this, but justice demands it.
Since that time, I am in closer communion with the suffering souls.
21 End of postulancy [April 29, 1926] - My superiors [probably Mother
Leonard and Mother Jane [9]] sent me to the novitiate in Cracow. An
inconceivable joy reigned in my soul. When we arrived at the novitiate, Sister
[Henry[10]] was dying. A few days later she came to me [in spirit, after her
death] and bid me to go to the Mother Directress of Novices [Sister Margaret
[11]] and tell her to ask her confessor, Father Rospond,[12] to offer one Mass
for her and three ejaculatory prayers. At first I agreed, but the next day I
decided I would not go to Mother Directress, because I was not sure whether
this had happened in a dream or in reality. And so I did not go. The following night the same thing was repreated more clearly; I had no more
doubt. Still, in the morning I decided not to tell the Directress about it unless I
saw her [Sister Henry] during the day. At once I ran into her in the corridor. She
reproached me for not having gone immediately, and a great uneasiness filled my
soul. So I went immediately to Mother Directress and told her everything that
had happened to me. Mother responded that she would take care of the matter.
At once peace reigned in my soul, and on the third day this sister came to me
and said, "May God repay you."
22 The day I took the [religious] habit, [13] God let me understand how much I
was to suffer. I clearly saw to what I was committing myself. I experienced a
moment of that suffering. But then God filled my soul again with great
consolations.
23 Toward the end of the first year of my novitiate, darkness began to cast its
shadow over my soul. I felt no consolation in prayer; I had to make a great
effort to meditate; fear began to sweep over me. Going deeper into myself, I
could find nothing but great misery. I could also clearly see the great holiness of
God. I did not dare to raise my eyes to Him, but reduced myself to dust under
His feet and begged for mercy. My soul was in this state for almost six months.
Our beloved Mother Directress [Mary Joseph [14]] encouraged me in these
difficult moments. But this suffering became greater and greater. The second year of the novitiate was approaching. Whenever I recalled that I
was to make my vows, my soul shuddered. I did not understand what I was
reading; I could not meditate; it seemed to me that my prayer was displeasing to
God. It seemed to me that by approaching the Holy Sacraments I was offending
God even more. But despite this, my confessor [Father Theodore [15]] did not
let me omit one single Holy Communion. God was working very strangely in my
soul. I did not understand anything at all of what my confessor was telling me.
The simple truths of the faith became incomprehensible to me. My soul was in
anguish, unable to find comfort anywhere.
24 One day, just as I had awakened, when I was putting myself in the presence
of God, I was suddenly overwhelmed by despair. Complete darkness in the
soul. I fought as best I could till noon. In the afternoon, truly deadly fears began
to seize me; my physical strength began to leave me. I went quickly to my cell,
fell on my knees before the Crucifix and began to cry out for mercy. But Jesus
did not hear my cries. I felt my physical strength leave me completely. I fell to
the ground, despair flooding my whole soul. I suffered terrible tortures in no way
different from the torments of hell. I was in this state for three quarters of an
hour. I wanted to go and see the Directress, but was too weak. I wanted to
shout but I had no voice. Fortunately, one of the sisters [another novice, Sister
Placida Putyra] came into my cell. Finding me in such a strange condition, she
immediately told the Directress about it. Mother came at once. As soon as she
entered the cell she said, "In the name of holy obedience [16] get up from the
ground." Immediately some force raised me up from the ground and I stood up,
close to the dear Mother Directress. With kindly words she began to explain to
me that this was a trial sent to me by God, saying, "Have great confidence; God
is always our Father, even when He sends us trials." I returned to my duties as if I had come out from the tomb, my senses saturated
with what my soul had experienced. During the evening service, my soul began
to agonize again in a terrible darkness. I felt that I was in the power of the Just
God, and that I was the object of His indignation. During these terrible moments
I said to God, "Jesus, who in the Gospel compare Yourself to a most tender
mother," I trust in Your words because You are Truth and Life. In spite of
everything, Jesus, I trust in You in the face of every interior sentiment which sets
itself against hope. Do what You want with me; I will never leave You, because
You are the source of my life." Only one who has lived through similar moments
can understand how terrible is this torment of the soul.
25 During the night, the Mother of God visited me, holding the Infant Jesus in
Her arms. My soul was filled with joy, and I said, "Mary, my Mother, do You
know how terribly I suffer?" And the Mother of God answered me, I know how
much you suffer, but do not be afraid. I share with you your suffering, and I shall
always do so. She smiled warmly and disappeared. At once, strength and a
great courage sprang up anew in my soul; but that lasted only one day. It
seemed as though hell had conspired against me. A terrible hatred began to
break out in my soul, a hatred for all that is holy and divine. It seemed to me that
these spiritual torments would be my lot for the rest of my life. I turned to the
Blessed Sacrament and said to Jesus, "Jesus, my Spouse, do You not see that
my soul is dying because of its longing for You? How can You hide Yourself
from a heart that loves You so sincerely? Forgive me, Jesus; may Your holy will
be done in me. I will suffer silently like a dove, without complaining. I will not
allow my heart even one single cry of sorrowful complaint."
26 26 End of the novitiate. The suffering does not diminish. Physical weakness
dispenses me from all [community] spiritual exercises; that is to say, they are
replaced by brief ejaculatory prayers. Good Friday [April 16, 1928] -Jesus
catches up my heart into the very flame of His love. This was during the evening
adoration. All of a sudden, the Divine Presence invaded me, and I forgot
everything else. Jesus gave me to understand how much He had suffered for me.
This lasted a very short time. An intense yearning-a longing to love God.
27 First vows [First profession of temporary vows, April 30, 1928]. An ardent
desire to empty myself for God by an active love, but a love that would be
imperceptible, even to the sisters closest to me. However, even after the vows, darkness continued to reign in my soul for almost
a half year. Once, when I was praying, Jesus pervaded all my soul, darkness
melted away, and I heard these words within me: You are My joy; you are My
heart's delight. From that moment I felt the Most Holy Trinity in my heart; that is
to say, within myself. I felt that I was inundated with Divine light. Since then, my
soul has been in intimate communion with God, like a child with its beloved
Father.
28 Once Jesus told me, Go to Mother Superior [probably Mother Raphael 18]
and ask her to let you wear a hair shirt for seven days, and once each night you
are to get up and come to the chapel. I said yes, but I found a certain difficulty in
actually going to the Superior. In the evening Jesus asked me, How long will you
put it off? I made up my mind to tell Mother Superior the very next time I would
see her. The next day before noon I saw Mother Superior going to the refectory and,
since the kitchen, refectory and Sister Aloysia's little room are all close to each
other, I asked Mother Superior to come into Sister Aloysia's room and told her
of the wish of the Lord Jesus. At that, Mother answered, "I will not permit you
to wear any hair shirt. Absolutely not! If the Lord Jesus were to give you the
strength of a colossus, I would then permit those mortifications." I apologized for taking up Mother's time and left the room. At that very moment
I saw Jesus standing at the kitchen door, and I said to Him, "You commanded
me to ask for these mortifications, but Mother Superior will not permit them."
Jesus said, I was here during your conversation with the Superior and know
everything. I don't demand mortification from you, but obedience. By obedience
you give great glory to Me and gain merit for yourself.
29 One of the Mothers [probably Mother Jane], when she learned about my
close relationship with the Lord Jesus, told me that I must be deluding myself.
She told me that the Lord Jesus associates in this way only with the saints and
not with sinful souls "like you, Sister!" After that, it was as if I mistrusted Jesus.
In one of my morning talks with Him I said, "Jesus, are You not an illusion?"
Jesus answered me, My love deceives no one.
30 +On one occasion I was reflecting on the Holy Trinity, on the essence of
God. I absolutely wanted to know and fathom who God is. ... In an instant my
spirit was caught up into what seemed to be the next world. I saw an
inaccessible light, and in this light what appeared like three sources of light which
I could not understand. And out of that light came words in the form of lightning
which encircled heaven and earth. Not understanding anything, I was very sad.
Suddenly, from this sea of inaccessible light came our dearly beloved Savior,
unutterably beautiful with His shining Wounds. And from this light came a voice
which said, Who God is in His Essence, no one will fathom, neither the mind of
Angels nor of man. Jesus said to me, Get to know God by contemplating His
attributes. A moment later, He traced the sign of the cross with His hand and
vanished."
31 31 +Once I saw a big crowd of people in our chapel, in front of the chapel
and in the street, because there was no room for them inside. [19] The chapel
was decorated for a feast. There were a lot of clergy near the altar, and then our
sisters and those of many other congregations. They were all waiting for the
person who was to take a place on the altar. Suddenly I heard a voice saying
that I was to take the place on the altar. But as soon as I left the corridor to go
across the yard and enter the chapel, following the voice that was calling me, all
the people began to throw at me whatever they had to hand: mud, stones, sand,
brooms, to such an extent that I at first hesitated to go forward. But the voice
kept on calling me even more earnestly, so I walked on bravely. When I entered the chapel, the superiors, the sisters, the students,[20] and even
my parents started to hit me with whatever they could, and so whether I wanted
to or not, I quickly took my place on the altar. As soon as I was there, the very
same people, the students, the sisters, the superiors and my parents all began to
hold their arms out to me asking for graces; and as for me, I did not bear any
grudge against them for having thrown all sorts of things at me, and I was
surprised that I felt a very special love precisely for those persons who had
forced me to go more quickly to my appointed place. At the same time my soul
was filled with ineffable happiness, and I heard these words, Do whatever you
wish, distribute graces as you will, to whom you will and when you will. Then,
instantly, the vision disappeared.
32 Another time I heard these words, Go to the Superior and ask her to allow
you to make a daily hour of adoration for nine days. During this adoration try to
unite yourself in prayer with My Mother. Pray with all your heart in union with
Mary, and try also during this time to make the Way of the Cross. I received the
permission, though not for a full hour, but only for whatever time was left me
after I had carried out my duties.
33 I was to make this novena for the intention of my Motherland. On the
seventh day of the novena I saw, between heaven and earth, the Mother of
God, clothed in a bright robe. She was praying with Her hands folded on Her
bosom, Her eyes fixed on Heaven. From Her Heart issued forth fiery rays,
some of which were turned toward Heaven while the others were covering our
country.
34 When I told this and certain other things to my confessor,[21] he replied that
these might really be coming from God, but that they might also be an illusion.
Because of my frequent changes [of assignments], I did not have a permanent
confessor and besides, I had great difficulty in speaking of these things. I prayed
ardently that the Lord would give me that great grace-that is, a spiritual director.
But my prayer was answered only after my perpetual vows, when I went to
Vilnius. The priest was Father Sopocko.[22] God had allowed me to see him in
an interior vision even before I came to Vilnius.[23]
35 Oh, if only I had had a spiritual director from the beginning, then I would not
have wasted so many of God's graces. A confessor can help a soul a great deal,
but he can also cause it a lot of harm. Oh, how careful confessors should be
about the work of God's grace in their penitents' souls! This is a matter of great
importance. By the graces given to a soul, one can recognize the degree of its
intimacy with God.
36 Once I was summoned to the judgment [seat] of God. I stood alone before
the Lord. Jesus appeared such as we know Him during His Passion. After a
moment, His wounds disappeared except for five, those in His hands, His feet
and His side. Suddenly I saw the complete condition of my soul as God sees it.
I could clearly see all that is displeasing to God. I did not know that even the
smallest transgressions will have to be accounted for. What a moment! Who can
describe it? To stand before the Thrice-Holy God! Jesus asked me, Who are
you? I answered, "I am Your servant, Lord." You are guilty of one day of fire in
purgatory. I wanted to throw myself immediately into the flames of purgatory,
but Jesus stopped me and said, Which do you prefer, suffer now for one day in
purgatory or for a short while on earth? I replied, "Jesus, I want to suffer in
purgatory, and I want to suffer also the greatest pains on earth, even if it were
until the end of the world." Jesus said, One [of the two] is enough; you will go
back to earth, and there you will suffer much, but not for long; you will
accomplish My will and My desires, and a faithful servant of Mine will help you
to do this. Now, rest your head on My bosom, on My heart, and draw from it
strength and power for these sufferings, because you will find neither relief nor
help nor comfort anywhere else. Know that you will have much, much to suffer,
but don't let this frighten you; I am with you.
37 Soon afterwards I became ill.[24] Physical weakness was for me a school of
patience. Only Jesus knows how many efforts of will I had to make to fulfill my
duty.[25]
38 In order to purify a soul, Jesus uses whatever instruments He likes. My soul
underwent a complete abandonment on the part of creatures; often my best
intentions were misinterpreted by the sisters,[26] a type of suffering which is
most painful; but God allows it, and we must accept it because in this way we
become more like Jesus. There was one thing which I could not understand for
a long time: Jesus ordered me to tell everything to my Superiors, but my
Superiors did not believe what I said and treated me with pity as though I were
being deluded or were imagining things. Because of this, believing myself to be deluded, I resolved to avoid God
interiorly for fear of these illusions. But the grace of God pursued me at every
step, and God spoke to me when I least expected it.
39 + One day Jesus told me that He would cause a chastisement to fall upon the
most beautiful city in our country [probably Warsaw]. This chastisement would
be that with which God had punished Sodom and Gomorrah.[27] I saw the
great wrath of God and a shudder pierced my heart. I prayed in silence.After a
moment, Jesus said to me, My child, unite yourself closely to Me during the
Sacrifice and offer My Blood and My Wounds to My Father in expiation for the
sins of that city. Repeat this without interruption throughout the entire Holy
Mass. Do this for seven days. On the seventh day I saw Jesus in a bright cloud
and began to beg Him to look upon the city and upon our whole country. Jesus
looked [down] graciously. When I saw the kindness of' Jesus, I began to beg
His blessing. Immediately Jesus said, For your sake I bless the entire country.
And He made a big sign of the cross over our country. Seeing the goodness of
God, a great joy filled my soul.
40 +The year 1929. Once during Holy Mass, I felt in a very special way the
closeness of God, although I tried to turn away and escape from Him. On
several occasions I have run away from God because I did not want to be a
victim of the evil spirit; since others have told me, more than once, that such is
the case. And this incertitude lasted for quite some time. During Holy Mass,
before Communion, we had the renewal of vows. When we had left our
kneelers and had started to recite the formula for the vows, Jesus appeared
suddenly at my side clad in a white garment with a golden girdle around His
waist, and He said to me, I give you eternal love that your purity may be
untarnished and as a sign that you will never be subject to temptations against
purity. Jesus took off His golden cincture and tied it around my waist. Since then I have never experienced any attacks against this virtue, either in my
heart or in my mind. I later understood that this was one of the greatest graces
which the Most Holy Virgin Mary had obtained for me, as for many years I had
been asking this grace of Her. Since that time I have experienced an increasing
devotion to the Mother of God. She has taught me how to love God interiorly
and also how to carry out His holy will in all things. O Mary, You are joy,
because through You God descended to earth [and] into my heart.
41 On one occasion I saw a servant of God in the immediate danger of
committing a mortal sin. I started to beg God to deign to send down upon me all
the torments of hell and all the sufferings He wished if only this priest would be
set free and snatched from the occasion of committing a sin. Jesus heard my
prayer and, that very instant, I felt a crown of thorns on my head. The thorns
penetrated my head with great force right into my brain. This lasted for three
hours; the servant of God was set free from this sin, and his soul was
strengthened by a special grace of God.
42 +Once, on Christmas Day [ 1928], I felt the omnipotence and the presence
of God surrounding me. And once more I fled from this interior meeting with the
Lord. I asked Mother Superior for permission to go to Jozefinek [28] to visit
the sisters there. The Superior gave us permission, and we started to get ready
right after lunch. The other sisters were already waiting for me at the door of the
convent while I ran to my cell to get my cloak. On my way back, as I was
passing close to the little chapel, I saw Jesus standing in the doorway. He said to
me, Go ahead, but I am taking your heart. Suddenly I felt that I had no heart in
my chest. But the sisters were scolding me for lingering behind, saying that it was
already getting late, so I quickly went along with them. But a sense of uneasiness
troubled me, and a strange longing invaded my soul, though no one knew what
was happening except God. After we had been at Jozefinek for only a few minutes, I said to the sisters,
"Let's go back home." The sisters asked for at least a moment's rest, but my
spirit could find no peace. I explained that we must return before dark; and in as
much as we had quite a distance to go, we immediately returned home. When
Mother Superior met us in the hallway she asked me, "Haven't the sisters gone
yet, or have they already returned?" I said that we had already returned because
I did not want to be returning in the evening. I took off my cloak and
immediately went to the little chapel. As soon as I entered Jesus said to me, Go
to Mother Superior and tell her that you came back, not in order to reach home
before dark, but because I had taken your heart. Even though this was very
difficult for me, I went to the Superior, and I told her frankly the real reason why
I had come back so soon, and I asked pardon of the Lord for everything that
had displeased Him. And then Jesus filled me with great joy. I understood that
apart from God there is no contentment anywhere.
43 On one occasion I saw two sisters who were about to enter hell. A terrible
agony tore my soul; I prayed to God for them, and Jesus said to me, Go to
Mother Superior and tell her that those two sisters are in danger of committing a
mortal sin. The next day I told this to the Superior. One of them had already
repented with great fervor and the other was going through a great struggle.
44 One day Jesus said to me, I am going to leave this house... because there are
things here which displease Me. And the Host came out of the tabernacle and
came lo rest in my hands and I, with joy, placed it back in the tabernacle. This
was repeated a second time, and I did the same thing. Despite this, it happened
a third time, but the Host was transformed into the living Lord Jesus, who said
to me, I will stay here no longer! At this, a powerful love for Jesus rose up in my
soul. I answered, "And I, I will not let You leave this house, Jesus!" And again
Jesus disappeared while the Host remained in my hands. Once again I put it
back in the chalice and closed it up in the tabernacle. And Jesus stayed with us.
I undertook to make three days of adoration by way of reparation.
45 Once Jesus said to me, Tell Mother General [Michael] that in this house ...
such and such a thing is being committed ... which displeases Me and offends
Me greatly. I did not tell this to Mother right away, but the uneasiness which the
Lord made me feel did not permit me to wait a minute longer, and I wrote
immediately to Mother General, and peace returned to my soul.
46 I often felt the Passion of the Lord Jesus in my body, although this was
imperceptible [to others], and I rejoiced in it because Jesus wanted it so. But
this lasted for only a short time. These sufferings set my soul afire with love for
God and for immortal souls. Love endures everything, love is stronger than
death, love fears nothing... +February 22, 1931
47 In the evening, when I was in my cell, I saw the Lord Jesus clothed in a white
garment. One hand [was] raised in the gesture of blessing, the other was
touching the garment at the breast. From beneath the garment, slightly drawn
aside at the breast, there were emanating two large rays, one red, the other pale.
In silence I kept my gaze fixed on the Lord; my soul was struck with awe, but
also with great joy. After a while, Jesus said to me, Paint an image according to
the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. I desire that this
image be venerated, first in your chapel, and [then] throughout the world.
48 I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish. I also
promise victory over [its] enemies already here on earth, especially at the hour
of death. I Myself will defend it as My own glory.
49 When I told this to my confessor,[29] I received this for a reply: "That refers
to your soul." He told me, "Certainly, paint God's image in your soul." When I
came out of the confessional, I again heard words such as these: My image
already is in your soul. I desire that there be a Feast of Mercy. I want this
image, which you will paint with a brush, to be solemnly blessed on the first
Sunday after Easter; that Sunday is to be the Feast of Mercy.
50 +I desire that priests proclaim this great mercy of Mine towards souls of
sinners. Let the sinner not be afraid to approach Me. The flames of mercy are
burning Me - clamoring to be spent; I want to pour them out upon these souls. Jesus complained to me in these words, Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at
My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite
My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even My death is not
enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these [gifts]. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
51 When I spoke about this to Mother Superior [Rose,[30] telling her] that God
had asked this of me, she answered that Jesus should give some sign so that we
could recognize Him more clearly. When I asked the Lord Jesus for a sign as a proof "that You are truly my God
and Lord and that this request comes from You," I heard this interior voice, I
will make this all clear to the Superior by means of the graces which I will grant
through this image.
52 When I tried to run away from these interior inspirations, God said to me that
on the day of judgment He would demand of me a great number of souls. Once, exhausted because of these various difficulties t hat had befallen me
because of what Jesus had said to me and what He had demanded of me for the
painting of this image, I made up my mind to approach Father Andrasz [31]
before my perpetual vows, and to ask him to dispense me from all these interior
inspirations and from the duty of painting this image. After having heard my
confession, Father Andrasz gave me this answer: "I will dispense you from
nothing, Sister; it is not right for you to turn away from these interior inspirations,
but you must absolutely-and I say, absolutely-speak about them to your
confessor; otherwise you will go astray despite the great graces you are
receiving from God.
53 For the present you are coming to me for confession, but understand, Sister,
that you must have a permanent confessor; that is to say, a spiritual director." I was very upset by this. I thought that I would get myself free from everything,
and it turned out quite the opposite-an explicit command to follow the requests
of Jesus. And now, still another torment, as I had no permanent confessor. Even
if I went to the same confessor for a certain period of time, I could not open my
soul to him in respect to these graces, and this caused me ineffable pain. So I
asked Jesus to give these graces to someone else, because I did not know how
to make use of them and was only wasting them. "Jesus, have mercy on me; do
not entrust such great things to me, as You see that I am a bit of dust and
completely inept." But the goodness of Jesus is infinite; He had promised me visible help here on
earth, and a little while later I received it in Vilnius, in the person of Father
Sopocko. I had already known him before coming to Vilnius, thanks to an
interior vision. One day I saw him in our chapel between the altar and the
confessional and suddenly heard a voice in my soul say, This is the visible help
for you on earth. He will help you carry out My will on earth.
54 +One day, tired out with all these uncertainties, I asked Jesus, "Jesus, are
You my God or some kind of phantom? Because my Superiors say that there
are all sorts of illusions and phantoms. If You are my Lord, I beg You to bless
me." Then Jesus made a big sign of the cross over me and I, too, signed myself.
When I asked pardon of Jesus for this question, He replied that I had in no way
displeased Him by this question and that my confidence pleased Him very much.
55 1933. Spiritual Counsel Given Me by Father Andrasz, S.J. First: You must not turn away from these interior inspirations, but always tell
everything to your confessor. If you recognize that these interior inspirations
refer to your own self; that is to say, they are for the good of your soul or for the
good of other souls, l urge you to follow them; and you must not neglect them,
but always do so in consultation with your confessor. Second: If these inspirations are not in accord with the faith or the spirit of the
Church, they must be rejected immediately as coming from the evil spirit. Third: If these inspirations do not refer to souls, in general, nor specifically to
their good, you should not take them too seriously, and it would be better to
even ignore them. But you should not make this decision by yourself, either one way or the other,
as you can easily be led astray despite these great favors from God. Humility,
humility, and ever humility, as we can do nothing of ourselves; all is purely and
simply God's grace. You say to me that God demands great trust from souls; well then, you be the
first to show this trust. And one more word-accept all this with serenity. Words of one of the confessors: "Sister, God is preparing many special graces
for you, but try to make your life as clear as crystal before the Lord, paying no
attention to what anyone else thinks about you. Let God suffice you; He alone." Toward the end of my novitiate, a confessor [perhaps Father Theodore] told
me: "Go through life doing good, so that I could write on its pages: `She spent
her life doing good.' May God bring this about in you." Another time the confessor said to me, "Comport yourself before God like the
widow in the Gospel; although the coin she dropped into the box was of little
value, it counted far more before God than all the big offerings of others." On another occasion the instruction I received was this: " Act in such a way that
all those who come in contact with you will go away joyful. Sow happiness
about you because you have received much from God; give, then, generously to
others. They should take leave of you with their hearts filled with joy, even if
they have no more than touched the hem of your garment. Keep well in mind the
words I am telling you right now." Still another time he gave me the following recommendation: "Let God push your
boat out into the deep waters, toward the unfathomable depths of the interior life." Here are a few words from a conversation I had with the Mother Directress
[Mary Joseph] toward the end of my novitiate: "Sister, let simplicity and humility
be the characteristic traits of your soul. Go through life like a little child, always
trusting, always full of simplicity and humility, content with everything, happy in
every circumstance. There, where others fear, you will pass calmly along, thanks
to this simplicity and humility. Remember this, Sister, for your whole life: as
waters flow from the mountains down into the valleys, so, too, do God's graces
flow only into humble souls."
56 O my God, I understand well that You demand this spiritual childhood[32]
of me, because You are constantly asking it of me through Your representatives. At the beginning of my religious life, suffering and adversities frightened and
disheartened me. So I prayed continuously, asking Jesus to strengthen me and
to grant me the power of His Holy Spirit that I might carry out His holy will in all
things, because from the beginning I have been aware of my weakness. I know
very well what I am of myself, because for this purpose Jesus has opened the
eyes of my soul; I am an abyss of misery, and hence I understand that whatever
good there is in my soul consists solely of His holy grace. The knowledge of my
own misery allows me, at the same time, to know the immensity of Your mercy.
In my own interior life, I am looking with one eye at the abyss of my misery and
baseness, and with the other, at the abyss of Your mercy, O God.
57 O my Jesus, You are the life of my life. You know only too well that I long
for nothing but the glory of Your Name and that souls come to know Your
goodness. Why do souls avoid You, Jesus?-I don't understand that. Oh, if I
could only cut my heart into tiny pieces and in this way offer to You, O Jesus,
each piece as a heart whole and entire, to make up in part for the hearts that do
not love You! I love You, Jesus, with every drop of my blood, and I would
gladly shed my blood for You to give You a proof of the sincerity of my love. O
God, the more I know You the less I can comprehend You, but this
"non-comprehension" lets me realize how great You are! And it is this
impossibility of comprehending You which enflames my heart anew for You, O
Lord. From the moment when You let me fix the eyes of my soul on You, O
Jesus, I have been at peace and desired nothing else. I found my destiny at the
moment when my soul lost itself in You, the only object of my love. In
comparison with you, everything is nothing. Sufferings, adversities, humiliations,
failures and suspicions that have come my way are splinters that keep alive the
fire of my love for You, O Jesus. My desires are mad and unattainable. I wish to conceal from You that I suffer. I
want never to be rewarded for my efforts and my good actions. You yourself,
Jesus, are my only reward; You are enough, O Treasure of my heart! I want to
share compassionately in the sufferings of my neighbors and to conceal my own
sufferings, not only from them, but also from You, Jesus. Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in
suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love.
58 +One night, a sister who had died two months previously came to me. She
was a sister of the first choir. I saw her in a terrible condition, all in flames with
her face painfully distorted. This lasted only a short time, and then she
disappeared. A shudder went through my soul because I did not know whether
she was suffering in purgatory or in hell. Nevertheless I redoubled my prayers
for her. The next night she came again, but I saw her in an even more horrible
state, in the midst of flames which were even more intense, and despair was
written all over her face. I was astonished to see her in a worse condition after
the prayers I had offered for her, and I asked, "Haven't my prayers helped
you?" She answered that my prayers had not helped her and that nothing would
help her. I said to her, "And the prayers which been any help to you?" She said
no, that these prayers had helped some other souls. I replied, "If my prayers are
not helping you, Sister, please stop coming to me." She disappeared at once.
Despite this, I kept on praying. After some time she came back again to me during the night, but already her
appearance had changed. There were no longer any flames, as there had been
before, and her face was radiant, her eyes beaming with joy. She told me that I
had a true love for my neighbor and that many other souls had profited from my
prayers. She urged me not to cease praying for the souls in purgatory, and she
added that she herself would not remain there much longer. How astounding are
the decrees of God!
59 1933. On one occasion I heard these words in my soul, Make a novena for
your country. This novena will consist of the recitation of the Litany of the
Saints. Ask your confessor for permission [probably Father Sopocko or Father
Andrasz].
60 I received permission at my next confession and began the novena that very
evening. Towards the end of the litany I saw a great radiance and, in the midst
of it, God the Father. Between this radiance and the earth I saw Jesus, nailed to
the Cross in such a way that when God wanted to look at the earth, He had to
look through the wounds of Jesus. And I understood that it was for the sake of
Jesus that God blesses the earth.
61 O Jesus, I thank you for this great grace; namely, that You yourself have
deigned to choose a confessor for me, and that You had made him known to
me in a vision even before I had met him [Father Sopocko]. When I went to
confession to Father Andrasz, I thought that I would be released from following
these interior inspirations. Father replied that he could not dispense me from this,
"but pray, Sister, that you be given a spiritual director." After a short but fervent prayer, I saw Father Sopocko for a second time, in our
chapel, between the confessional and the altar. I was in Cracow at that time.
These two visions bolstered up my spirit, all the more when I found him to be
just as I had seen him in the visions, once at Warsaw during my third probation,
and a second time at Cracow. O Jesus, I thank you for this great gift! And now
when I hear people sometimes say that they have no confessor; that is to say, a
director, fear takes hold of me, because I know very well how much harm I
myself experienced when I did not have this help. It is so easy to go astray when
one has no guide!
62 O life so dull and monotonous, how many treasures you contain! When I
look at everything with the eyes of faith, no two hours are alike, and the dullness
and monotony disappear. The grace which is given me in this hour will not be
repeated in the next. It may be given me again, but it will not be the same grace.
Time goes on, never to return again. Whatever is enclosed in it will never
change; it seals with a seal for eternity.
63 +Father Sopocko must be well loved by God. I say this because I myself
have experienced how much God defends him at certain moments. When I see
this, I rejoice greatly that God has such chosen ones. 1929. The Trip to Calvary.[33]
64 When I came to Vilnius for two months to replace a sister who had gone for
her third probation [Sister Peter, who worked in the kitchen], I stayed a little
longer than two months. One day, the Mother Superior [Irene[34]], wanting to
give me a bit of pleasure, gave me permission to go, together with another
sister,[35] to Calvary to "walk the paths," as they say. I was delighted. Although
it was not very far, it was Mother Superior's wish that we should go by boat.
That evening Jesus said to me, I want you to stay home. I answered, "Jesus,
everything is ready for us to leave tomorrow morning; what am I to do now?"
The Lord answered, This trip will be harmful to your soul. I replied to Jesus,
"You can find a way out. Arrange things in such a way that Your will may be
done." At that moment the bell announced the time for sleep. I gave Jesus a
parting glance and went to my cell. Next morning the weather was beautiful, and my companion was filled with joy
at the prospect of the great pleasure we would have in getting to see everything.
But as for me, I was sure we would not go, even though there were no
obstacles so far. We were to receive Holy Communion earlier and leave right after the
thanksgiving. But during the time of Communion, all of a sudden, the weather
changed. Clouds covered the sky, and the rain came down in torrents. Everyone
was astounded at such a sudden change in the weather. Mother Superior said to me, "I am so sorry you cannot go, Sisters!" I answered,
"Dear Mother, it doesn't really matter that we cannot go; it was God's will that
we stay home." However, no one knew that it was Jesus' express desire that I
stay home. I spent the whole day in recollection and meditation, thanking the
Lord for having kept me home. That day, God granted me many heavenly
consolations.
65 One time during the novitiate, when Mother Directress sent me to work in
the wards' kitchen, I was very upset because I could not manage the pots,
which were very large. The most difficult task for me was draining the potatoes,
and sometimes I spilt half of them with the water. When I told this to Mother
Directress, she said that with time I would get used to it and gain the necessary
skill. Yet the task was not getting any easier, as I was growing weaker every
day. So I would move away when it was time to drain the potatoes. The sisters
noticed that I avoided this task and were very much surprised. They did not
know that I could not help in spite of all my willingness to do this and not spare
myself. At noon, during the examination of conscience, I complained to God
about my weakness. Then I heard the following words in my soul,From today
on you will do this easily; I shall strengthen you. That evening, when the time came to drain off the water from the potatoes, I
hurried to be the first to do it, trusting in the Lord's words. I took up the pot
with ease and poured off the water perfectly. But when I took off the cover to
let the potatoes steam off, I saw there in the pot, in the place of the potatoes,
whole bunches of red roses, beautiful beyond description. I had never seen such
roses before. Greatly astonished and unable to understand the meaning of this, I
heard a voice within me saying, I change such hard work of yours into bouquets
of most beautiful flowers, and their perfume rises up to My throne. From then on
I have tried to drain the potatoes myself, not only during my week when it was
my turn to cook, but also in replacement of other sisters when it was their turn.
And not only do I do this, but I try to be the first to help in any other
burdensome task, because I have experienced how much this pleases God.
66 O inexhaustible treasure of purity of intention which makes all our actions
perfect and so pleasing to God! O Jesus, You know how weak I am; be then ever with me; guide my actions
and my whole being, You who are my very best Teacher! Truly, Jesus, I
become frightened when I look at my own misery, but at the same time I am
reassured by Your unfathomable mercy, which exceeds my misery by the
measure of all eternity. This disposition of soul clothes me in Your power. O joy
that flows from the knowledge of one's self! O unchanging Truth, Your
constancy is everlasting!
67 When I fell sick [probably the beginning of consumption] after my first vows
and when, despite the kind and solicitous care of my Superiors and the efforts of
the doctor, I felt neither better nor worse, remarks began to reach my ears
which inferred that I was making believe. With that, my suffering was doubled,
and this lasted for quite a long time. One day I complained to Jesus that I was
being a burden to the sisters. Jesus answered me, You are not living for yourself
but for souls, and other souls will profit from your sufferings. Your prolonged
suffering will give them the light and strength to accept My will.
68 The heaviest suffering for me was that it seemed to me that neither my
prayers nor my good works were pleasing to God. I did not dare lift up my eyes
to heaven. This caused me such great suffering during the community exercises
in the chapel that one day Mother Superior [Raphael] called me aside after the
exercises and said to me, "Sister, ask God for grace and consolation, because I
can see for myself and the sisters keep telling me that the very sight of you
evokes pity. I really do not know what to do with you, Sister. I command you
to stop tormenting yourself for no reason." But all these conferences with Mother Superior brought me no relief, nor did
they clarify anything for me. Rather, even greater darkness hid God from me. I
looked for help in the confessional, but not even there did I find it. A saintly
priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my
trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to
such an extent that I was unable to hide it, and it was apparent to those around
me. I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I
went to confession said to me, "I see very special graces in you, Sister, and I am
not worried about you at all; why are you torturing yourself in this way?" But at
that time I did not understand at all what he was saying and was extremely
surprised when, by way of penance, I was ordered to say the Te Deum or the
Magnificat, or to run fast around the garden in the evening, or else to laugh out
loud ten times a day. These penances were very surprising to me; but even with
that the priest was not able to give me much help. Evidently, God wanted me to
give Him glory through suffering. That priest consoled me, saying that in my present situation I was more pleasing
to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great
grace, Sister, "he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments of
soul you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to
practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and
special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." But despite all
that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments,
I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide, holding his hand firmly,
not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this
fiery trial.
69 +O Jesus, eternal Truth, strengthen my feeble forces; You can do all things,
Lord. I know that without You all my efforts are in vain. O Jesus, do not hide
from me, for I cannot live without You. Listen to the cry of my soul. Your mercy
has not been exhausted, Lord, so have pity on my misery. Your mercy
surpasses the understanding of all Angels and people put together; and so,
although it seems to me that You do not hear me, I put my trust in the ocean of
Your mercy, and I know that my hope will not be deceived.
70 Only Jesus knows how burdensome and difficult it is to accomplish one's
duties when the soul is so interiorly tortured, the physical powers so weakened
and the mind darkened. In the silence of my heart I kept saying to myself, "O
Christ, may delights, honor and glory be Yours, and suffering be mine. I will not
lag one step behind as I follow You, though thorns wound my feet."
71 I was sent for treatment to our house in Plock, and there I had the privilege
of decorating the chapel with flowers. That was at Biala.[36] Sister Thecla did
not always have time for this, so I often decorated the chapel by myself. One
day, I had picked the prettiest roses to decorate the room of a certain person.
When I was approaching the porch, I saw Jesus standing there. In a kindly way
He asked me, My daughter, to whom are you taking these flowers? My silence
was my reply to the Lord, because I recognized immediately that I had a very
subtle attachment to this person,[37] which I had not noticed before. Suddenly
Jesus disappeared. At the same moment I threw the flowers on the ground and
went before the Blessed Sacrament, my heart filled with gratitude for the grace
of knowing myself. O Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul sees the tiniest specks of dust which
displease You.
72 O Jesus, eternal Truth, our Life, I call upon You and I beg Your mercy for
poor sinners. O sweetest Heart of my Lord, full of pity and unfathomable mercy,
I plead with You for poor sinners. O Most Sacred Heart, Fount of Mercy from
which gush forth rays of inconceivable graces upon the entire human race, I beg
of You light for poor sinners. O Jesus, be mindful of Your own bitter Passion
and do not permit the loss of souls redeemed at so dear a price of Your most
precious Blood. O Jesus, when I consider the great price of Your Blood, I
rejoice at its immensity, for one drop alone would have been enough for the
salvation of all sinners. Although sin is an abyss of wickedness and ingratitude,
the price paid for us can never be equalled. Therefore, let every soul trust in the
Passion of the Lord, and place its hope in His mercy. God will not deny His
mercy to anyone. Heaven and earth may change, but God's mercy will never be
exhausted. Oh, what immense joy burns in my heart when I contemplate Your
incomprehensible goodness, O Jesus! I desire to bring all sinners to Your feet
that they may glorify Your mercy throughout endless ages.
73 O my Jesus, despite the deep night that is all around me and the dark clouds
which hide the horizon, I know that the sun never goes out. O Lord, though I
cannot comprehend You and do not understand Your ways, I nonetheless trust
in Your mercy. If it is Your will, Lord, that I live always in such darkness, may
You be blessed. I ask You only one thing, Jesus: do not allow me to offend You
in any way. O my Jesus, You alone know the longings and the sufferings of my
heart. I am glad I can suffer for You, however little. When I feel that the
suffering is more than I can bear, I take refuge in the Lord in the Blessed
Sacrament, and I speak to Him with profound silence. The Confession of One of Our Wards.
74 One day I felt driven to take steps to see to it that the Feast of Mercy be
instituted and the image of the Merciful Jesus be painted, and I could find no
peace. Something was pervading my whole being, and yet I feared being
deluded. However, these doubts always came from outside, because in the
depths of my soul I felt it was the Lord who was penetrating my being. The
priest to whom I was going to confession at that time told me that one can often
have illusions, and I felt that he was somewhat afraid to hear my confession. This
was a torture for me. Seeing that I was getting very little help from people, I
turned all the more to Jesus, the best of all teachers. At one time, when I was
filled with doubts as to whether the voice I heard came from the Lord or not, I
began to speak to Jesus interiorly without forming any words. Suddenly an inner
force took hold of me and I said, "If You who commune with me and talk to me
are truly my God, I beg You, O Lord, to make this ward go this very day to
confession; this sign will give me reassurance." At that very moment, the girl
asked to go to confession. The Mother in charge of the class was surprised at this sudden change in her,
but she undertook to call a priest immediately, and this person made her
confession with great compunction. At the same time, I heard a voice within me
say, Do you believe Me now? And once again a strange power pervaded my
soul, strengthening and reassuring me to such a degree that I myself was
surprised that I had allowed myself to doubt even for a moment.
75 But these doubts always come from without, a fact which inclined me to
close myself up more and more within myself. When, during confession, I sense
uncertainty on the part of the priest, I do not open my soul to its depths, but only
accuse myself of my sins. A priest who is not at peace with himself will not be
able to inspire peace in another soul. O priests, you bright candles enlightening human souls, let your brightness never
be dimmed. I understood that at that time it was not God's will that I uncover
my soul completely. Later on, God did give me this grace.
76 O my Jesus, direct my mind, take possession of my whole being, enclose me
in the depths of Your heart, and protect me against the assaults of the enemy.
My only hope is in You. Speak through my mouth when I, wretchedness itself,
find myself with the mighty and wise, so that they will know that this undertaking
is Yours and comes from You. Darkness and Temptations
77 My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me.
When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not
draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the
will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me
that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. It was absolutely
impossible for me to meditate as I had been accustomed to do in the past. I felt
in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began
to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter
powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in
this way, but this also was of no avail. I understood nothing of what I had read. The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the
chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and
temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against
blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an
aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting
from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I
frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could
follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these
were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not
offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. "This is a sign," he told me, "that
God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is
sending you such trials." But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to
me that they did not apply to me at all. One thing did surprise me: it often happened that, at the time when I was
suffering greatly, these terrible torments would disappear suddenly just as I was
approaching the confessional; but as soon as I had left the confessional, all these
torments would again seize me with even greater ferocity. I would then fall on
my face before the Blessed Sacrament repeating these words: "Even if You kill
me, still will I trust in You!" [cf. Job 13:15] It seemed to me that I would die in
these agonies. But the most terrible thought for me was the conviction that I had
been rejected by God. Then other thoughts came to me: why strive to acquire
virtues and do good works? why mortify and annihilate yourself? what good is it
to take vows? to pray? to sacrifice and immolate yourself? why sacrifice myself
all the time? what good is it - if I am already rejected by God? why all these
efforts? And here, God alone knew what was going on in my heart.
78 Once when I was being crushed by these dreadful sufferings, I went into the
chapel and said from the bottom of my soul, "Do what You will with me, O
Jesus; I will adore You in everything. May Your will be done in me, O my Lord
and my God, and I will praise Your infinite mercy." Through this act of
submission, these terrible torments left me. Suddenly I saw Jesus, who said to
me, I am always in your heart. An inconceivable joy entered my soul, and a
great love of God set my heart aflame. I see that God never tries us beyond
what we are able to suffer. Oh, I fear nothing; if God sends such great suffering
to a soul, He upholds it with an even greater grace, although we are not aware
of it. One act of trust at such moments gives greater glory to God than whole
hours passed in prayer filled with consolations. Now I see that if God wants to
keep a soul in darkness, no book, no confessor can bring it light.
79 O Mary, my Mother and my Lady, I offer You my soul, my body, my life
and my death, and all that will Follow it. I place everything in Your hands. O my
Mother, cover my soul with Your virginal mantle and grant me the grace of
purity of heart, soul and body. Defend me with Your power against all enemies,
and especially against those who hide their malice behind the mask of virtue. O
lovely lily! You are for me a mirror, O my Mother!
80 O Jesus, Divine Prisoner of Love, when I consider Your love and how You
emptied Yourself for me, my senses fail me. You hide Your inconceivable
majesty and lower Yourself to miserable me. O King of Glory, though You hide
Your beauty, yet the eye of my soul rends the veil. I see the angelic choirs giving
You honor without cease, and all the heavenly Powers praising You without
cease, and without cease they are saying: Holy, Holy, Holy. Oh, who will comprehend Your love and Your unfathomable mercy toward us!
O Prisoner of Love, I lock up my poor heart in this tabernacle, that it may adore
You without cease night and day. I know of no obstacle in this adoration, and
even though I be physically distant, my heart is always with You. Nothing can
put a stop to my love for You. No obstacles exist for me. O my Jesus, I will
console You for all the ingratitude, the blasphemies, the coldness, the hatred of
the wicked, the sacrileges. O Jesus, I want to burn as 'a pure offering and to be
consumed before the throne of Your hiddenness. I plead with You unceasingly
for poor dying sinners.
81 O Holy Trinity, One and Indivisible God, may You be blessed for this great
gift and testament of mercy. My Jesus, to atone for blasphemers I will keep
silent when unjustly reprimanded and in this way make partial amends to You. I
am singing within my soul an unending hymn to You, and no one will suspect or
understand this. The song of my soul is known to You alone, O my Creator and
Lord!
82 I will not allow myself to be so absorbed in the whirlwind of work as to
forget about God. I will spend all my free moments at the feet of the Master
hidden in the Blessed Sacrament. He has been tutoring me from my most tender
years.
83 Write this: before I come as the just Judge, I am coming first as the King of
Mercy. Before the day of justice arrives, there will be given to people a sign in
the heavens of this sort: All light in the heavens will be extinguished, and there
will be great darkness over the whole earth. Then the sign of the cross will be
seen in the sky, and from the openings where the hands and the feet of the
Savior were nailed will come forth great lights which will light up the earth for a
period of time. This will take place shortly before the last day.
84 O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount
of mercy for us, I trust in You! Vilnius, August 2, 1934.
85 On Friday, after Holy Communion, I was carried in spirit before the throne
of God. There I saw the heavenly Powers which incessantly praise God.
Beyond the throne I saw a brightness inaccessible to creatures, and there only
the Incarnate Word enters as Mediator. When Jesus entered this light, I heard
these words, Write down at once what you hear: I am the Lord in My essence
and am immune to orders or needs. If I call creatures into being - that is the
abyss of My mercy. And at that very moment I found myself, as before, in our
chapel at my kneeler, just as Mass had ended. I already had these words
written.
86 [Once] when I saw how much my confessor [probably Father Sopocko]
was to suffer because of this work which God was going to carry out through
him, fear seized me for the moment, and I said to the Lord, "Jesus, this is Your
affair, so why are You acting this way toward him? It seems to me that You are
making difficulties for him while at the same time ordering him to act." Write that by day and by night My gaze is fixed upon him, and I permit these
adversities in order to increase his merit. I do not reward for good results but for
the patience and hardship undergone for My sake. Vilnius, October 26, 1934.
87 On Friday at ten minutes to six, when I and some of our wards [38] were
coming in from the garden to supper, I saw t he Lord Jesus above our chapel,
looking just as He did I the first time I saw Him and just as He is painted in the
image. The two rays which emanated from the Heart of Jesus covered our
chapel and the infirmary, and then the whole city, and spread out over the whole
world. This lasted about four minutes and disappeared. One of the girls, who
was walking with me a little behind the others, also saw these rays, but she did
not see Jesus, and she did not know where these rays were coming from. She
was overwhelmed and told the other girls. They began to laugh at her,
suggesting that she was imagining things or that perhaps it was light reflected by
a passing airplane. But she persisted in her conviction, saying that never had she
seen such rays before. When the others suggested that it might have been a
searchlight, she replied that she knew very well what a searchlight was like, but
never had she seen rays such as these. After supper the girl approached me and told me she had been so moved by
these rays that she could not keep silent, but wanted to tell everyone about
them. Yet she had not seen Jesus. She kept telling me about these rays, and this
put me in an awkward situation, as I could not tell her that I had seen the Lord
Jesus. I prayed for her, asking the Lord to give her those graces of which she
had such need. My heart rejoiced in the fact that Jesus takes the initiative to
make Himself known, even though the occasion of such action on His part
causes me annoyance. For Jesus, one can bear anything.
88 +During adoration I felt God close to me. A moment later I saw Jesus and
Mary. At the sight of them I was filled with joy, and I asked the Lord, "What is
Your will, Jesus, concerning the matter about which my confessor told me to
ask You?" Jesus replied, It is My will that he should remain here and that he
should not take the initiative of dispensing himself. I asked Jesus whether the
inscription could be: "Christ King of Mercy." He answered, I am King of
Mercy, but He did not say "Christ." I desire that this image be displayed in
public on the first Sunday after Easter. That Sunday is the Feast of Mercy.
Through the Word Incarnate I make known the bottomless depth of My mercy.
89 +Strangely, all things came about just as the Lord had requested. In fact, it
was on the first Sunday after Easter [April, 1935] that the image was publicly
honored by crowds of people for the first time. For three days it was exposed
and received public veneration. Since it was placed at the very top of a window
at Ostra Brama [Shrine of Our Lady above the "Eastern Gate" to the city of
Vilnius], it could be seen from a great distance. At Ostra Brama, during these
three days, the closing of the Jubilee of the Redemption of the World was being
celebrated, marking the nineteen hundred years that have passed since the
Passion of our Savior. I see now that the work of Redemption is bound up with
the work of mercy requested by the Lord.
90 One day, I saw interiorly how much my confessor would have to suffer:
friends will desert you while everyone will rise up against you and your physical
strength will diminish. I saw you as a bunch of grapes chosen by the Lord and
thrown into the press of suffering. Your soul, Father, will at times be filled with
doubts about this work and about me. I saw that God himself seemed to be opposing [him], and I asked the Lord why
He was acting in this way toward him, as though He were placing obstacles in
the way of his doing what He himself had asked him to do. And the Lord said, I
am acting thus with him to give testimony that this work is Mine. Tell him not to
fear anything; My gaze is on him day and night. There will be as many crowns to
form his crown as there will be souls saved by this work. It is not for the success
of a work, but for the suffering that I give reward.
91 O my Jesus, You alone know what persecutions I suffer, and this only
because I am being faithful to You and following Your orders. You are my
strength; sustain me that I may always carry out what You ask of me. Of myself
I can do nothing, but when You sustain me, all difficulties are nothing for me. O
my Lord, I can see very well that from the time when my soul first received the
capacity to know You, my life has been a continual struggle which has become
increasingly intense. Every morning during meditation, I prepare myself for the whole day's struggle.
Holy Communion assures me that I will win the victory; and so it is. I fear the
day when I do not receive Holy Communion. This Bread of t lie Strong gives me
all the strength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever
the Lord asks of me. The courage and strength that are in me are not of me, but
of Him who lives in me - it is the Eucharist. O my Jesus, the misunderstandings are so great; sometimes, were it not for the
Eucharist, I would not have the courage to go any further along the way You
have marked out for me.
92 Humiliation is my daily food. I understand that the bride must herself share in
everything that is the groom's; and so His cloak of mockery must cover me, too.
At those times when I suffer much, I try to remain silent, as I do not trust my
tongue which, at such moments, is inclined to talk for itself, while its duty is to
help me praise God for all the blessings and gifts which He has given me. When
I receive Jesus in Holy Communion, I ask Him fervently to deign to heal my
tongue so that I would offend neither God nor neighbor by it. I want my tongue
to praise God without cease. Great are the faults committed by the tongue. The
soul will not attain sanctity if it does not keep watch over its tongue. 93 +A Short Version of the Catechism of the Vows[39]
Q. What is a vow?
A. A vow is a voluntary promise made to God, to carry out a more perfect act.
Q. Is a vow binding in a matter which is the object of a commandment?
A. Yes. The carrying out of an act which is the object of a commandment has a
double value and merit; and the neglect of such an act is a double transgression
and evil, because by breaking such a vow we add to the sin against the
commandment, the sin of sacrilege.
Q. Why do religious vows have such value?
A. Because they are the foundation of the religious life approved by the Church,
in which the members bound together in a religious community undertake to
strive always for perfection by means of the three religious vows of poverty,
chastity and obedience, observed according to the rules.
Q. What is the meaning of the words, "strive for perfection?"
A. To strive for perfection means that the religious life does not in itself demand
that perfection be already attained, but obliges, under the pain of sin, that we
work daily to attain it. Therefore, a religious who does not want to become
perfect neglects his principal duty of state.
Q. What are "solemn" religious vows?
A. " Solemn" religious vows are so absolute that, in extraordinary cases, only the
Holy Father can dispense from them.
Q. What are simple religious vows?
A. These are vows which are less absolute - the Holy See dispenses from
perpetual and annual vows.
Q. What is the difference between a vow and a virtue?
A. A vow pertains only to that which is commanded under pain of sin; the virtue
goes beyond this and helps in the carrying out of the vow; on the other hand, by
breaking the vow we fail in the virtue and do it damage.
Q. To what do the religious vows oblige us?
A. The religious vows oblige us to strive to acquire the virtues and to submit
ourselves completely to our Superiors and to the Rules which are in force; thus
the religious gives his own person to the Community, renouncing every right over
himself and his actions, which he sacrifices to the service of God. The Vow of Poverty The vow of poverty is the voluntary renunciation of the right over property or to
the use of such property with the purpose of pleasing God.
Q. What objects does the vow of poverty concern?
A. All those goods and those objects which appertain to the Community. We
have no longer any right over anything that has been given to us, once it has
been accepted, whether an article or money. All these donations and presents,
which may have been given us out of gratitude or in any other way, belong by
right to the Community. We cannot make use, without violating the vow, of any
wages we may receive for work or even any annuity.
Q. When do we break or violate the vow in a matter which entails the seventh
commandment?
A. We break or violate it when, without permission, we take for ourselves
anything that belongs to the house; when, without permission, we retain
something in order to appropriate it; and when, without authorization, we sell or
exchange something that belongs to the Community. When we make use of an
object for some other purpose than that intended by the Superior. When we
give to, or accept from another, anything whatsoever without permission. When
by negligence we destroy or damage something. When, in going from one house
to another, we take something with us without permission. In a situation where
the vow is broken, the religious is bound to restitution to the Community. The Virtue of Poverty This is an evangelical virtue which impels the heart to detach itself from temporal
things; the religious, in virtue of his profession, is strictly obliged to it.
Q. When do we sin against the virtue of poverty? When we desire something,
contrary to this virtue. When we become attached to something, and when we
make use of superfluous things. How many degrees of poverty are there and
what are they?
A. There are, in practice, four degrees of poverty for one who is a professed
religious: to dispose of nothing without the consent of the Superiors (the strict
matter of the vow); to avoid superfluities and be content with necessities (this
pertains to the virtue); to readily content oneself with things of inferior quality in
what concerns one's cell, clothing, nourishment, etc., and to experience this
contentment interiorly; to rejoice in extreme poverty. The Vow of Chastity
Q. To what does this vow oblige us?
A. To renounce marriage and to avoid everything that is forbidden by the sixth
and ninth commandments.
Q. Is a fault against the virtue a violation of the vow?
A. Every fault against the virtue is at the same time a violation of the vow,
because here there is no difference, as in the case of poverty and obedience,
between the vow and the virtue.
Q. Is every bad thought a sin?
A. No, every bad thought is not a sin; it becomes so only when the
acquiescence of the will and consent are joined to the consideration of the mind.
Q. Is there anything, over and above sins against chastity, which is detrimental to
the virtue?
A. Lack of custody of the senses, of the imagination, of the feelings; familiarity
and sentimental friendships are detrimental to the virtue.
Q. What are the means by which this virtue may be preserved?
A. To conquer interior temptations with the thought of the presence of God, and
moreover to fight without fear. And for exterior temptations, to avoid occasions.
There are, in all, seven principal means: to guard the senses, to avoid occasions,
to avoid idleness, to remove temptations promptly, to remove oneself from all -
and especially particular friendships, the spirit of mortification, and to reveal all
these temptations to one's confessor. Besides this, there are also five means of preserving this virtue: humility, the spirit
of prayer, modesty of the eyes, fidelity to the rule, a sincere devotion to the
Blessed Virgin Mary. The Vow of Obedience The vow of obedience is superior to the first two. It is, to tell the truth, a
holocaust, and it is more necessary because it forms and animates the monastic
body.
Q. To what does the vow of obedience oblige us?
A. By the vow of obedience, the religious promises to God to be obedient to his
legitimate superiors in everything that they will ordain in virtue of the rule. The
vow of obedience makes the religious dependent on his superior in virtue of
these rules for his whole life and in all his affairs. A religious commits a grave sin
against the vow every time he disobeys an order given in virtue of obedience
and of these rules. The Virtue of Obedience The virtue of obedience goes further than the vow; it embraces the rules, the
regulations and even the counsels of the superiors.
Q. Is the virtue of obedience indispensable for a religious?
A. The virtue of obedience is so indispensable to a religious that, even if he were
to perform good actions contrary to obedience, these would be evil and without
merit.
Q. Can we sin gravely against the virtue of obedience?
A. We sin gravely when we scorn the authority or the order of the superior, or
when spiritual or temporal harm to the community results from our disobedience.
Q. What faults endanger the vow?
A. To be prejudiced against the superior, or to harbor an antipathy for him -
murmuring and criticism, tardiness and negligence. The Degrees of Obedience Prompt and complete fulfillment - the obedience of the will, when the will
persuades the intellect to submit to the advice of the superior. To facilitate
obedience, Saint Ignatius suggests, moreover, three means: always to see God
in our superior, whoever he might be; to justify in itself the order or advice of the
superior; to accept each order as an order from God, without examining it or
reflecting on it. General means: humility. Nothing is difficult for the humble.
94 O my Lord, inflame my heart with love for You, that my spirit may not grow
weary amidst the storms, the sufferings and the trials. You see how weak I am.
Love can do all.
95 +A Deeper Knowledge of God and the Terror of the Soul. In the beginning, God lets himself be known as Holiness, Justice, Goodness -
that is to say, Mercy. The soul does not come to know this all at once, but
piecemeal, in flashes; that is to say, when God draws near. And this does not
last for long, because the soul could not bear such light. During prayer the soul
experiences flashes of this light which make it impossible to pray as before. Try
as it may to force itself to pray as it did before, all is in vain; it becomes
completely impossible for it to continue to pray as it did before it received this
light. This light which has touched the soul is alive within it, and nothing can
either quench or diminish it. This flash of the knowledge of God draws the soul
and enkindles its love for Him. But this same flash, at the same time, allows the soul to know itself as it is; the
soul sees its whole interior in a superior light, and it rises up alarmed and
terrified. Still, it does not remain under the effects of terror, but it begins to purify
itself, to humble and abase itself before the Lord. These lights become stronger
and more frequent; the more the soul is crystallized, the more these lights
penetrate it. However, if the soul has responded faithfully and courageously to
these first graces, God fills it with His consolations and gives himself to it in a
perceptible manner. At certain moments, the soul, as it were, enters into
intimacy with God and greatly rejoices in this; it believes that it has already
reached the degree of perfection destined for it, because its defects and faults
are asleep within it, and this makes it think that they no longer exist. Nothing
seems difficult for it; it is ready for everything. It begins to plunge itself into God
and taste the divine delights. It is carried along by grace and does not take
account of the fact that the time of trial and testing may come. And, in fact, this
state does not last long. Other moments will soon come. I should add here,
however, that the soul will respond more faithfully to divine grace if it has a well
- informed confessor to whom it can confide everything.
96 +Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly loved by Him. Temptations and darkness; Satan. The soul's love [for God] is still not such as
God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's
presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight
them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great.
The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and
spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray,
either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It
struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself
from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these
creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but
sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost
all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it;
unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor,
but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins
his work.
97 Faith staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to
cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further:
hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports
the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it
would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can
allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed
truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one
understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound in its
ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it
does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear. And, oh, it is a
terrible thing at times like these not to have an experienced confessor! The soul
carries the whole burden alone. However, one should make every effort to find,
if it is at all possible, a well-informed confessor, for the soul can collapse under
the burden and come to the very edge of the precipice. All these trials are heavy
and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already been
admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the divine
delights. Besides, in this God has His own plans, which for us are impenetrable.
God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs and great works.
He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing;
there is still the trial of trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God. + The Trial of Trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair
98 When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it
may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God,
"Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself
only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels
itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair. The
soul does its best to defend itself; it tries to stir up its confidence; but prayer is
an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even
greater anger. The soul finds itself poised on the summit of a lofty mountain on
the very brink of a precipice. The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in
the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been
plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it
finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to
heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her-for her all is lost. It falls deeper
and deeper from darkness to darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever
the God it used to love so dearly. This thought is torture beyond all description.
But the soul does not agree to it and tries to lift its gaze toward heaven, but in
vain! And this makes the torture even more intense. If God wishes to keep the soul in such darkness, no one will be able to give it
light. It experiences rejection by God in a vivid and terrifying manner. From its
heart burst forth painful moans, so painful that no priest will comprehend it,
unless he himself has been through these trials. In the midst of this, the evil spirit
adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness?
This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much
influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can
bear. "What have you gotten out of your mortifications," says Satan, "and out of
your fidelity to the rule? What use are all these efforts? You have been rejected
by God!" This word, rejected, becomes a fire which penetrates every nerve to
the marrow of the bone. It pierces right through her entire being. The ordeal
reaches its climax. The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into
itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of
being abandoned. This is a moment for which I have no words. This is the agony
of the soul.
99 When for the first time this moment was drawing near, I was snatched from it
by virtue of holy obedience. The Directress of Novices, alarmed by my
appearance, sent me off to confession, but the confessor did not understand me,
and I experienced no relief whatsoever. O Jesus, give us experienced priests! When I told this priest I was undergoing infernal tortures, he answered that he
was not worried about my soul, because he saw in it a great grace of God. But I
understood nothing of this, and not even the least glimmer of light broke through
to my soul.
100 Then my physical strength began to fail me, and I could no longer carry out
my duties. Nor could I any longer hide my sufferings. Although I did not say a
word about them, the look of pain on my face betrayed me. The Superior told
me that the sisters had come to her saying that, when they look at me in the
chapel, they are moved to pity because I look so terrible. Yet, despite all
efforts, the soul is unable to conceal such suffering. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul
Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
101 Jesus, You alone know how the soul, engulfed in darkness, moans in the
midst of these torments and, despite all this, thirsts for God as burning lips thirst
for water. It dies and withers; it dies a death without death; that is to say, it
cannot die. All its efforts come to nothing; it is under a powerful hand. Now the
soul comes under the power of the Just One. All exterior temptations cease; all
that surrounds it becomes silent, like a dying person who loses contact with
everything around it: the person's entire soul is in the hand of the Just God, the
Thrice-Holy God,-rejected for all eternity! This is the culminating moment, and
God alone can test a soul in this way, because He alone knows what the soul
can endure. When the soul has been saturated through and through by this infernal fire, it is,
as it were, cast headlong into great despair. My soul experienced this moment
when I was all alone in my cell. When my soul began to sink into this despair, I
felt that the end was near. But I seized my little crucifix and clutched it tightly in
my hand. And now I felt my body separate itself from my soul; and though I
wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered
my last words: "I trust in Your Mercy!"-and it seemed to me that I provoked
God to an even greater anger. And now I was drowned in despair, and all that
was left me was a moan of unadulterated pain which, from time to time, tore
itself from my soul. The soul is in agony-and it seemed to me that I would remain
in this state, because by my own strength I could not emerge from it. Every
recollection of God opened up an unspeakable ocean of suffering, and yet
despite this there is something within the soul which is drawn to Him, though it
seems to her for this only-that she suffer more. The memory of the love with
which God formerly surrounded it is still another kind of suffering. His gaze
pierces it, and everything within the soul is burned by this gaze.
102 After some time, one of the sisters came into the cell and found me almost
dead. She was frightened and went to find the Directress of Novices who, in the
name of holy obedience ordered me to get up from the ground. My strength
returned immediately, and I got up, trembling. The Directress recognized
immediately the state of my soul and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of
God, saying, "Do not be distressed about anything, Sister. I command this of
you in virtue of obedience." Then she said to me, "I see now, Sister, that God is
calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants to draw you very close
to Himself since He has allowed these things to happen to you so soon. Be
faithful to God, Sister, because this is a sign that He wants you to have a high
place in heaven." However, I did not understand anything of these words. When
I went into the chapel, I felt as though my soul had been set free from
everything, as though I had just come forth from the hand of God. I perceived
the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was a tiny child.
103 Suddenly I saw the Lord interiorly, and He said to me, Fear not, My
daughter; I am with you. In that single moment, all the darkness and torments
vanished, my senses were inundated with unspeakable joy, [and] the faculties of
my soul filled with light.
104 I want to add that, although my soul was already in the rays of His love,
traces of my past tortures remained on my body for two days: a deathly pale
face and bloodshot eyes. Jesus alone knows what I suffered. What I have
written is very poor compared to the reality. I cannot put it in words; it seemed
to me that I had come back from the other world. I feel an aversion for
everything that is created; I snuggle to the heart of God like a baby to its
mother's breast. I see everything differently now. I am conscious of what the
Lord, by one single word, has done in my soul, and I live by it. I shudder at the
recollection of this past torture. I would not have believed that one could suffer
so, if I had not gone through it myself. This is a completely spiritual suffering.
105 However, in all these sufferings and struggles, I was not omitting Holy
Communion. When it seemed to me that I should not communicate, I went,
before Holy Communion, to the Directress and told her that I could not
approach the Sacrament, because it seemed to me that I should not do so. But
she would not permit me to omit Holy Communion, so I went, and I understand
now that it was only obedience that saved me. The Directress herself told me later that my trials had passed quickly, "and this
solely because you were obedient, Sister; and it was through the power of
obedience that you struggled through this so bravely." It is true that it was the
Lord himself who brought me out of this torment, but my fidelity to obedience
did please Him.
106 Though these are frightening things, the soul should not be too fearful,
because God will never test us beyond what we are able to bear. On the other
hand, He may never send us such sufferings, but I write this because, if it pleases
the Lord to let a soul pass through such sufferings, it should not be afraid but,
insofar as this depends on the soul itself, it should remain faithful to God. God
will do a soul no harm, because He is Love itself, and in this unfathomable love
has called it into being. However, when I was so tormented, I myself did not
understand this.
107 O my God, I have come to know that I am not of this earth; You, O Lord,
have poured this profound awareness into my soul. My communion is more with
heaven than with earth, though I in no way neglect my duties.
108 During those times, I had no spiritual director; I was without any kind of
guidance whatever. I begged the Lord, but He did not give me a director. Jesus
himself has been my Master from the days of my infancy up to the present
moment. He accompanied me across all the deserts and through all dangers. I
see clearly that God alone could have led me through such great perils
unharmed, with my soul untarnished and passing victoriously through all
difficulties, immense though they were. Going out[ ...] Later on, the Lord did
give me a director.
109 After such sufferings the soul finds itself in a state of great purity of spirit
and very close to God. But I should add that during these spiritual torments it is
close to God, but it is blind. The soul's vision is plunged into darkness, and
though God is nearer than ever to the soul which is suffering, the whole secret
consists in the fact that it knows nothing of this. The soul in fact declares that,
not only has God abandoned it, but it is the object of His hatred. With how
great a malady are they eyes of the soul afflicted! When struck by divine light,
the soul affirms that this light does not exist, although it is precisely because this
divine light is so bright that it is blinded. Yet despite all, I learned later that God
is closer to a soul at such moments than at others, because it would not be able
to endure these trials with the help of ordinary grace alone. God's omnipotence
and an extraordinary grace must be active here, for otherwise the soul would
succumb at the first blow.
110 O Divine Master, what happens in my soul is Your work alone! You, O
Lord, are not afraid to place the soul on the edge of a terrible precipice where it
stands, alarmed and filled with fright, and then You call it back again to
Yourself. These are Your imponderable mysteries.
111 When, in the midst of these interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in
confession of the smallest trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not
committed graver faults, and he said to me, "If you are as faithful as this to God
during these sufferings, this in itself is evidence to me that God is sustaining you,
Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good thing that you do not understand
this." It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that confessors could neither understand
me nor set my mind at peace concerning these matters, until I met Father
Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
112 +A few words about confession and confessors. I shall speak only of what
I have experienced and gone through within my own soul. There are three things
which hinder the soul from drawing profit from confession in these exceptional moments. The first thing: when the confessor has little knowledge of extraordinary ways
and shows surprise if a soul discloses to him the great mysteries worked in it by
God. Such surprise frightens a sensitive soul, and it notices that the confessor
hesitates to give his opinion; and if it does notice this, it will not be set at peace,
but will have even more doubts after confession than before, because it will
sense that the confessor is trying to set it at peace while he himself is uncertain.
Or else, as has happened to me, a confessor, unable to penetrate some of the
soul's mysteries, refuses to hear the confession, showing a certain fear when the
soul approaches the confessional. How can a soul in this state obtain peace in the confessional when it has become
so oversensitive to every word of the priest? In my opinion, at times of such
special trials sent by God to a soul, the priest, if he does not understand the soul,
should direct it to some other experienced and well-instructed confessor. Or
else he himself should seek light in order to give the soul what it needs, instead
of downrightly denying it confession. For in this way he is exposing the soul to a
great danger; and more than one soul may well leave the road along which God
wanted it to journey. This is a matter of great importance, for I have
experienced it myself. I myself began to waver; despite special gifts from God,
and even though God himself reassured me, I have nevertheless always wanted
to have the Church's seal as well. The second thing: the confessor does not allow the soul to express itself frankly,
and shows impatience. The soul then falls silent and does not say everything [it
has to say] and, by this, profits nothing. It profits even less when the confessor,
without really knowing the soul, proceeds to put it to the test. Instead of helping
the soul, he does it harm. The soul is aware that the confessor does not know it,
because he did not allow it to lay itself open fully as regards both its graces and
its misery. And so the test is ill-adapted. I have been submitted to some tests at
which I have had to laugh. I will express this better thus: The confessor is the doctor of the soul, but how
can a doctor prescribe a suitable remedy if he does not know the nature of the
sickness? Never will he be able to do so. For either the remedy will not produce
the desired effect, or else it will be too strong and will aggravate the illness, and
sometimes-God forbid-even bring about death. I am speaking from my own
experience because, in certain instances, it was the Lord himself who directly
sustained me. The third thing: it also happens sometimes that the confessor makes light of little
things. There is nothing little in the spiritual life. Sometimes a seemingly
insignificant thing will disclose a matter of great consequence and will be for the
confessor a beam of light which helps him to get to know the soul. Many
spiritual undertones are concealed in little things. A magnificent building will never rise if we reject the insignificant bricks. God
demands great purity of certain souls, and so He gives them a deeper
knowledge of their own misery. Illuminated by light from on high, the soul can
better know what pleases God and what does not. Sin depends upon the
degree of knowledge and light that exists within the soul. The same is true of
imperfections. Although the soul knows that it is only sin in the strict sense of the
term which pertains to the sacrament of penance, yet these petty things are of
great importance to a soul which is tending to sanctity, and the confessor must
not treat them lightly. The patience and kindness of the confessor open the way
to the innermost secrets of the soul. The soul, unconsciously as it were, reveals
its abysmal depth and feels stronger and more resistant; it fights with greater
courage and tries to do things better because it knows it must give an account of
them. I will mention one more thing regarding the confessor. It is his duty to
occasionally put to the test, to try, to exercise, to learn whether he is dealing
with straw, with iron or with pure gold. Each of these three types of souls needs
different kinds of training. The confessor must-and this is absolutely
necessary-form a clear judgment of each soul in order to know how heavy a
burden it can carry at certain times, in certain circumstances, or in particular
situations. As for myself, it was only later on, after many [negative] experiences,
that, when I saw that I was not understood, I no longer laid bare my soul or
allowed my peace to be disturbed. But this happened only when all these graces
had already been submitted to the judgement of a wise, well-instructed and
experienced confessor. Now I know what to go by in certain cases.
113 And again, I would like to say three words to the soul that is determined to
strive for sanctity and to derive fruit; that is to say, benefit from confession. First word-complete sincerity and openness. Even the holiest and wisest
confessor cannot forcibly pour into the soul what he desires if it is not sincere
and open. An insincere, secretive soul risks great dangers in the spiritual life, and
even the Lord Jesus Himself does not give Himself to such a soul on a higher
level, because He knows it would derive no benefit from these special graces. Second word-humility. A soul does not benefit as it should from the sacrament
of confession if it is not humble. Pride keeps it in darkness. The soul neither
knows how, nor is it willing, to probe with precision the depths of its own
misery. It puts on a mask and avoids everything that might bring it recovery. Third word-obedience. A disobedient soul will win no victory, even if the Lord
Jesus himself, in person, were to hear its confession. The most experienced
confessor will be of no help whatsoever to such a soul. The disobedient soul
exposes itself to great misfortunes; it will make no progress toward perfection,
nor will it succeed in the spiritual life. God lavishes His graces most generously
upon the soul, but it must be an obedient soul.
114 +Oh, how pleasing are the hymns flowing from a suffering soul! All heaven
delights in such a soul, especially when it is tested by God. It mournfully sings
out its longing for Him. Great is its beauty, because it comes from God. The soul
walks through the jungle of life, wounded by God's love. With one foot only it
touches the ground.
115 + When a soul has come out of these tribulations, it is deeply humble. Its
purity of soul is great. It knows better without need of reflecting, as it were,
what it ought to do at a given moment and what to forbear. It feels the lightest
touch of grace and is very faithful to God. It recognizes God from afar and
continuously rejoices in Him. It discovers God very quickly in other souls and in
its environment in general. The soul has been purified by God himself. God, as
Pure Spirit, introduces the soul to a life which is purely spiritual. God himself has
first prepared and purified the soul; that is, He has made it capable of close
communion with himself. The soul, in a state of loving repose, communes
spiritually with the Lord. It speaks to God without the need of expressing itself
through the senses. God fills it with His light. The enlightened mind sees clearly and distinguishes the various degrees of the
spiritual life. It recognizes [that state] when its union with God was imperfect:
where the senses were involved, and the spirit was linked with the senses in a
manner-exalted and special, to be sure but not yet perfect. There is a higher and
more perfect union with God; namely, intellectual union. Here, the soul is safer
from illusions; its spirituality is purer and more profound. In a life where the
senses are involved, there is more danger of illusion. Both for the soul and for its
confessor, prudence must play a greater part. There are moments when God
introduces the soul to a purely spiritual state. The senses dim and are seemingly
dead. The soul is most closely united to God; it is immersed in the Deity; its
knowledge is complete and perfect, not sporadic as before, but total and
absolute. It rejoices in this. But I want to say more about those moments of trial;
at those times the confessor must have patience with such a soul. But the soul
must have even greater patience with itself.
116 My Jesus, You know what my soul goes through at the recollection of these
sufferings. I have often marvelled that the angels and saints hold their peace at
the sight of a soul suffering like that. Yet they have special love for us at such
moments. My soul has often cried out after God, as a little child who cries as
loudly as he can when his mother covers her face and he cannot recognize her.
O my Jesus, honor and glory to You for these trials of love! Great and
incomprehensible is your mercy. All that You intended for my soul, O Lord, is
steeped in Your mercy.
117 I will mention here that those who live with such a person should not add
external sufferings; for indeed, when the soul's cup is full, the little drop we may
add to it may be the one drop too much, and the cup of bitterness will overflow.
And who will answer for such a soul? Let us beware of adding to the suffering
of others, because that is displeasing to the Lord. If the sisters or the superiors
knew or even suspected that a soul was suffering such trials, and they
nevertheless added still other sufferings, they would be sinning gravely, and God
himself would demand an account of them on behalf of such a soul. I am not
speaking here of instances which of their very nature are sinful, but of things
which in other circumstances would not be sinful. Let us be on our guard against
having the weight of such a soul on our conscience. This is a grave and common
defect in religious life; namely, that when one sees a suffering soul, one always
wants to add even more suffering. I do not say that everyone acts like this, but
there are some. We take the liberty of passing all sorts of judgments, and we
repeat them when we would do better to remain silent.
118 The tongue is a small member, but it does big things. A religious who does
not keep silence will never attain holiness; that is, she will never become a saint.
Let her not delude herself-unless it is the Spirit of God who is speaking through
her, for then she must not keep silent. But, in order to hear the voice of God,
one has to have silence in one's soul and to keep silence; not a gloomy silence,
but an interior silence; that is to say, recollection in God. One can speak a great
deal without breaking silence and, on the contrary, one can speak little and be
constantly breaking silence. Oh, what irreparable damage is done by the breach
of silence! We cause a lot of harm to our neighbor, but even more to our own selves. In my opinion, and according to my experience, the rule concerning silence
should stand in the very first place. God does not give himself to a chattering
soul which, like a drone in a beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A
talkative soul is empty inside. It lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with
God. A deeper interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the
Lord dwells, is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the
sweetness of inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others.
I have seen many souls in the depths of hell for not having kept their silence; they
told me so themselves when I asked them what was the cause of their undoing.
These were souls of religious. My God, what an agony it is to think that not only
might they have been in heaven, but they might even have become saints! O
Jesus, have mercy!
119 I tremble to think that I have to give an account of my tongue. There is life,
but there is also death in the tongue. Sometimes we kill with the tongue: we
commit real murders. And we are still to regard that as a small thing? I truly do
not understand such consciences. I have known a person who, when she
learned from someone that a certain thing was being said about her, fell seriously
ill. She lost a good deal of blood and shed many tears, and the outcome was
very sad. It was not the sword that did all this, but the tongue. O my silent Jesus,
have mercy on us!
120 I have wandered onto the subject of silence. But this is not what I wanted
to speak about, but rather about the soul's life with God and about its response
to grace. When a soul has been cleansed, and the Lord is on intimate terms with
it, it begins to apply all its inner force in striving after God. Yet the soul cannot
do anything of itself. God alone arranges everything. The soul knows this and is
mindful of it. It is still in exile and understands well that there may yet come
cloudy and rainy days, but it must now look upon things differently from what it
had up to now. It does not seek reassurance in a false peace, but makes ready
for battle. It knows it comes from a warrior race. It is now much more aware of
everything. It knows that it is of royal stock. It is concerned with all that is great
and holy.
121 +There is a series of graces which God pours into the soul after these trials
by fire. The soul enjoys intimate union with God. It has many visions, both
corporeal and intellectual. It hears many supernatural words, and sometimes
distinct orders. But despite these graces, it is not self-sufficient. In fact it is even
less so as a result of God's graces, because it is now open to many dangers and
can easily fall prey to illusions. It ought to ask God for a spiritual director; but
not only must it pray for one, it must also make every effort to find a leader who
is an expert in these things, just as a military leader must know the ways along
which he will lead [his followers] into battle. A soul that is united with God must
be prepared for great and hard-fought battles. +After these purifications and tears, God abides in the soul in a special way, but
the soul does not always cooperate with these graces. Not that the soul itself is
not willing to work, but it encounters so many interior and exterior difficulties
that it really takes a miracle to sustain the soul on these summits. In this, it
absolutely needs a director. People have often sown doubt in my soul, and I
myself have sometimes become frightened at the thought that I was, after all, an
ignorant person and did not have knowledge of many things, above all, spiritual
things. But when my doubts increased, I sought light from my confessor or my
superiors. Yet I did not obtain what I desired.
122 When I opened myself up to my superiors, one of them [probably Mother
Michael or Mother Mary Joseph] understood my soul and the road God
intended for me. When I followed her advice, I made quick progress towards
perfection. But this did not last long. When I opened up my soul still more
deeply, I did not obtain what I desired; it seemed to my superior that these
graces [of which I was the object] were unlikely, and so I could not draw any
further help from her. She told me it was impossible that God should commune
with His creatures in such a way: "I fear for you, Sister; isn't this an illusion of
some sort! You'd better go and seek the advice of a priest." But the confessor
did not understand me and said, "You'd better go, Sister, and talk about these
matters with your superiors." And so I would go from the superiors to the
confessor and from the confessor to the superiors, and I found no peace. These
divine graces became a great suffering for me. And more than once I said to the
Lord directly, "Jesus, I am afraid of You; could You not be some kind of a
ghost?" Jesus always reassured me, but I still continued to be incredulous. It is a
strange thing however: the more I became incredulous, the more Jesus gave me
proofs that these things came from Him.
123 +When I saw that my mind was not being set at rest by my superiors, I
decided to say nothing [to them] of these purely interior matters. Exteriorly I
tried, as a good nun should, to tell everything to my superiors, but as for the
needs of my soul, I spoke about these only in the confessional. For many very
good reasons, I learned that a woman is not called to discern such mysteries. I
laid myself open to much unnecessary suffering. For quite a long time I was
regarded as one possessed by the evil spirit, and I was looked upon with pity,
and the superior took certain precautionary actions in my respect. It reached my
ears that the sisters also regarded me as such. And the sky grew dark around
me. I began to shun these divine graces, but it was beyond my power to do so.
Suddenly I would be enveloped in such recollection that, against my will, I was
immersed in God, and the Lord kept me completely dependent upon Himself.
124 In the initial moments my soul is always a little frightened, but later it is filled
with a strange peace and strength.
125 +All these things could still be endured. But when the Lord demanded that I
should paint that picture, they began to speak openly about me and to regard
me as a hysteric and a fantasist, and the rumors began to grow louder. One of
the sisters came to talk to me in private. She began by pitying me and said, "I've
heard them say that you are a fantasist, Sister, and that you've been having
visions. My poor Sister, defend yourself in this matter." She was a sincere soul,
and she told me sincerely what she had heard. But I had to listen to such things
every day. God only knows how tiring it was.
126 Yet, I resolved to bear everything in silence and to give no explanations
when I was questioned. Some were irritated by my silence, especially those who
were more curious. Others, who reflected more deeply, said, "Sister Faustina
must be very close to God if she has the strength to bear so much suffering." It
was as if I were facing two groups of judges. I strove after interior and exterior
silence. I said nothing about myself, even though I was questioned directly by
some sisters. My lips were sealed. I suffered like a dove, without complaint. But
some sisters seemed to find pleasure in vexing me in whatever way they could.
My patience irritated them. But God gave me so much inner strength that I
endured it calmly.
127 + I learned that I would have help from no one at such moments, and I
started to pray and beg the Lord for a confessor. My only desire was that some
priest would say this one word to me, "Be at peace, you are on the right road,"
or "Reject all this for it does not come from God." But I could not find such a
priest who was sufficiently sure of himself to give me a definite opinion in the
name of the Lord. And so the uncertainty continued. O Jesus, if it is Your will
that I live in such uncertainty, may Your Name be blessed! I beg You, Lord,
direct my soul yourself and be with me, for of myself I am nothing.
128 Thus I have already been judged from all sides. There is no longer anything
in me that has escaped the sisters' judgment. But it seems now to have worn
itself out, and they have begun to leave me in peace. My tormented soul has had
some rest, and I have learned that the Lord has been closest to me in times of
such persecutions. This [truce] lasted for only a short time. A violent storm
broke out again. And now the old suspicions became, for them, as if true facts,
and once again I had to listen to the same old songs. The Lord would have it
that way. But then, strangely enough, even exteriorly I began to experience
various failures. This brought down on me many sufferings of all sorts, known to
God alone. But I tried as best I could to do everything with the purest of intentions. I could
now see that everywhere I was being watched like a thief: in the chapel; while I
was carrying out my duties; in my cell.[40] I was now aware that, besides the
presence of God, I had always close to me a human presence as well. And I
must say that, more than once, this human presence bothered me greatly. There
were times when I wondered whether I should undress to wash myself or not.
Indeed, even that poor bed of mine was checked many times.[41] More than
once 1 was seized with laughter when I learned they would not even leave my
bed alone. One of the sisters herself told me that she came to observe me in my
cell every evening to see how I behave in it. Still, superiors are always superiors. And although they humiliated me personally
and, on occasions, filled me with all kinds of doubts, they always allowed me to
do what the Lord demanded. Though not in the way I asked, but in some other
way, they fulfilled the Lord's demands and gave me permission for all the rigors
and mortifications [He asked of me]. One day, one of the Mothers [probably Mother Jane] poured out so much of
her anger on me and humiliated me so much that I thought I would not be able
to endure it. She said to me, "You queer, hysterical visionary, get out of this
room; go on with you, Sister! "She continued to pour out upon my head
everything she could think of. When I got to my cell, I fell on my face before the
cross, and then looked at Jesus; but I could no longer say a single word. Yet I
concealed everything from the others and pretended that nothing had happened
between us.
129 Satan always takes advantage of such moments; thoughts of
discouragement began to rise to the surface-for your faithfulness and
sincerity-this is your reward. How can one be sincere when one is so
misunderstood? Jesus, Jesus, I cannot go on any longer. Again I fell to the
ground under this weight, and I broke out in a sweat, and fear began to
overcome me. I had no one to lean on interiorly. Suddenly I heard a voice within
my soul, Do not fear; I am with you. And an unusual light illumined my mind, and
I understood that I should not give in to such sorrows. I was filled with a certain
strength and left my cell with new courage to suffer.
130 Nevertheless, I began to grow a bit negligent. I did not pay attention to
these interior inspirations and tried to distract myself. But despite the noise and
the distraction, I could see what was going on in my soul. The word of God is
clear, and nothing can stifle it. I began to avoid encounters with the Lord in my
soul because I did not want to fall prey to illusions. However, in a sense, the
Lord kept pursuing me with His gifts; and truly I experienced, alternately, torture
and joy. I make no mention here of the various visions and graces God granted
me during this time, because I've written this down elsewhere.[42]
131 But I will simply mention here that these various sufferings had come to a
peak, and I resolved to put an end to these doubts of mine before my perpetual
vows. Throughout my probation, I prayed for light for the priest to whom I was
to open up my soul to its depths. I asked God that He himself would help me
and grant me the grace to be able to express even the most secret things that
exist between me and Him and to be so disposed that, whatever the priest
would decide, I would accept as coming from Jesus himself. No matter what
judgment he would pass on me, all I wanted was the truth and a decisive answer
to certain questions. I put myself completely in God's hands, and [all] my soul
desired was the truth. I could not go on living in doubt any longer although, in
the depths of my soul, I was so very sure that these things came from God, that
I would lay down my life for this. However, I placed the confessor's opinion
above all, and I made up my mind to do as he thought best and to act according
to the advice that he would give me. I looked forward to that moment which
would decide the course of my actions for the rest of my life. I knew that
everything would depend on this. It mattered little whether what he would say to
me would be in accord with my inspirations or quite the contrary; this no longer
mattered to me. I wanted to know the truth and follow it. Jesus, You can help me! From this moment, I have begun anew. I conceal all
the graces within my soul and await whomsoever the Lord will send me. With
no doubt in my heart, I asked the Lord himself to deign to help me during these
moments, and a courage of sorts entered my soul.
132 I must again mention that there are some confessors who seem to be true
spiritual fathers, but only as long as things go well. When the soul finds itself in
greater need, they become perplexed, and either cannot or will not understand
the soul. They try to get rid of the person as soon as possible. But if the soul is
humble, it will always profit in some little way or other. God himself will
sometimes cast a shaft of light into the depths of the soul, because of its humility
and faith. The confessor will sometimes say something he had never intended to
say, without even realizing it himself. Oh, let the soul believe that such words are
the words of the Lord himself! Though indeed we ought to believe that every
word spoken in the confessional is God's, what I have referred to above is
something that comes directly from God. And the soul perceives that the priest
is not master of himself, that he is saying things that he would rather not say. This
is how God rewards faith. I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected
priest [probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters' confessor at Plock], to whom I
sometimes happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to
these matters [which I brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to
me, "Bear in mind, Sister, that if God is asking this of you, you should not
oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be praised in just this way. Be at peace;
what God has started, He will finish. But I say this to you: faithfulness to God
and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind what I have told you
today." I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had understood
me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
133 +Once, one of the older Mothers [probably Mother Jane[43]] summoned
me, and it was as if fiery bolts from the blue were coming down upon my head,
so much so that I could not even discover what it was all about. But after a
while I understood that it was about a matter over which I had no control
whatsoever. She said to me, "Get it out of your head, Sister, that the Lord Jesus
might be communing in such an intimate way with such a miserable bundle of
imperfections as you! Bear in mind that it is only with holy souls that the Lord
Jesus communes in this way!" I acknowledged that she was right, because I am
indeed a wretched person, but still I trust in God's mercy. When I met the Lord
I humbled myself and said, "Jesus, it seems that You do not associate intimately
with such wretched people as I" Be at peace, My daughter, it is precisely
through such misery that I want to show the power of My mercy. I understood
that this Mother had merely wanted to subject me to a [salutary] humiliation.
134 + O my Jesus, You have tested me so many times in this short life of mine!
I have come to understand so many things, and even such that now amaze me.
Oh, how good it is to abandon oneself totally to God and to give Him full
freedom to act in one's soul!
135 During the third probation, the Lord gave me to understand that I should
offer myself to Him so that He could do with me as He pleased. I was to remain
standing before Him as a victim offering. At first, I was quite frightened, as I felt
myself to be so utterly miserable and knew very well that this was the case. I
answered the Lord once again, "I am misery itself; how can I be a hostage [for
others]? You do not understand this today. Tomorrow, during your adoration, I
will make it known to you. My heart trembled, as did my soul, so deeply did
these words sink into my soul. The word of God is living. When I came to the adoration, I felt within my soul that I had entered the temple
of the living God, whose majesty is great and incomprehensible. And He made
known to me what even the purest spirits are in His sight. Although I saw
nothing externally, God's presence pervaded me. At that very moment my
intellect was strangely illumined. A vision passed before the eyes of my soul; it
was like the vision Jesus had in the Garden of Olives. First, the physical
sufferings and all the circumstances that would increase them; [then] the full
scope of the spiritual sufferings and those that no one would know about.
Everything entered into the vision: false suspicions, loss of good name. I've
summarized it here, but this knowledge was already so clear that what I went
through later on was in no way different from what I had known at that moment.
My name is to be: "sacrifice." When the vision ended, a cold sweat bathed my forehead. Jesus made it known
to me that, even if I did not give my consent to this, I could still be saved; and
He would not lessen His graces, but would still continue to have the same
intimate relationship with me, so that even if I did not consent to make this
sacrifice, God's generosity would not lessen thereby.
136 And the Lord gave me to know that the whole mystery depended on me,
on my free consent to the sacrifice given with full use of my faculties. In this free
and conscious act lies the whole power and value before His Majesty. Even if
none of these things for which I offered myself would ever happen to me, before
the Lord everything was as though it had already been consummated. At that moment, I realized I was entering into communion with the
incomprehensible Majesty. I felt that God was waiting for my word, for my
consent. Then my spirit immersed itself in the Lord, and I said, "Do with me as
You please. I subject myself to Your will. As of today, Your holy will shall be
my nourishment, and I will be faithful to Your commands with the help of Your
grace. Do with me as You please. I beg You, O Lord, be with me at every
moment of my life."
137 Suddenly, when I had consented to the sacrifice with all my heart and all my
will, God's presence pervaded me. My soul became immersed in God and was
inundated with such happiness that I cannot put in writing even the smallest part
of it. I felt that His Majesty was enveloping me. I was extraordinarily fused with
God. I saw that God was well pleased with me and, reciprocally, my spirit
drowned itself in Him. Aware of this union with God, I felt I was especially
loved and, in turn, I loved with all my soul. A great mystery took place during
that adoration, a mystery between the Lord and myself. It seemed to me that I
would die of love [at the sight of] His glance. I spoke much with the Lord,
without uttering a single word. And the Lord said to me, You are the delight of
My Heart; from today on, every one of your acts, even the very smallest, will be
a delight to My eyes, whatever you do. At that moment I felt transconsecrated.
My earthly body was the same, but my soul was different; God was now living
in it with the totality of His delight. This is not a feeling, but a conscious reality
that nothing can obscure.
138 A great mystery has been accomplished between God and me. Courage
and strength have remained in my soul. When the time of adoration came to an
end, I came out and calmly faced everything I had feared so much before. When
I came out into the corridor, a great suffering and humiliation, at the hands of a
certain person, was awaiting me. I accepted it with submission to a higher will
and snuggled closely to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, letting Him know that I
was ready for that for which I had offered myself. Suffering seemed to spring out of the ground. Even Mother Margaret herself
was surprised. For others, many things passed unnoticed, for indeed it wasn't
worth paying any attention to them; but in my case, nothing passed unnoticed;
each word was analyzed, each step watched. One sister said to me, "Get ready,
Sister, to receive a small cross at the hands of Mother Superior. I feel sorry for
you." But as for me, I rejoiced at this in the depths of my soul and had been
ready for it for a long time. When she saw my courage, she was surprised. I see
now that a soul cannot do much of itself, but with God it can do all things.
Behold what God's grace can do. Few are the souls that are always watchful for
divine graces, and even fewer of such souls who follow those inspirations
faithfully.
139 Still, a soul which is faithful to God cannot confirm its own inspirations; it
must submit them to the control of a very wise and learned priest; and until it is
quite certain, it should remain distrustful. It should not, on its own initiative alone,
put its trust in these inspirations and all other higher graces, because it can thus
expose itself to great losses. Even though a soul may immediately distinguish between false inspirations and
those of God, it should nevertheless be careful, because many things are
uncertain. God is pleased and rejoices when a soul distrusts Him for His own
sake; because it loves Him, it is prudent and itself asks and searches for help to
make certain that it is really God who is acting within it. And once a
well-instructed confessor has confirmed this, the soul should be at peace and
give itself up to God, according to His directions; that is, according to the
directions of the confessor.
140 Pure love is capable of great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or
adversity. As it remains strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it
perseveres in the toilsome and drab life of each day. It knows that only one thing
is needed to please God: to do even the smallest things out of great love-love,
and always love. Pure love never errs. Its light is strangely plentiful. It will not do anything that
might displease God. It is ingenious at doing what is more pleasing to God, and
no one will equal it. It is happy when it can empty itself and burn like a pure
offering. The more it gives of itself, the happier it is. But also, no one can sense
dangers from afar as can love; it knows how to unmask and also knows with
whom it has to deal.
141 +But my torments are coming to an end. The Lord is giving me the
promised help. I can see it in two priests; namely, Father Andrasz and Father
Sopocko. During the retreat before my perpetual vows,[44] I was set
completely at peace for the first time [by Father Andrasz[45]], and afterwards I
was led in the same direction by Father Sopocko. This was the fulfilment of the
Lord's promise.
142 When I was set at peace and taught how to follow God's paths, my spirit
rejoiced in the Lord, and it seemed to me that I was running, not walking. My
wings were spread for flight; I soared into the very heat of the sun, and I will not
descend until I rest in Him, in whom my soul has lost itself forever. And I
subjected myself totally to the action of grace. God stoops very low to my soul.
I do not draw back, nor do I resist Him, but I lose myself in Him as my only
treasure. I am one with the Lord. It is as if the gulf between us, Creator and
creature, disappears. For a few days, my soul was in a state of continuous
ecstasy. God's presence did not leave me for a single moment. And my soul
remained in a continuous loving union with the Lord. But this in no way
interfered with the performance of my duties. I felt I was transformed into love; I
was all afire, but without being burned up. I lost myself in God unceasingly; God
drew me to himself so strongly and powerfully that sometimes I was not aware
of being on earth. I had impeded and feared God's grace for so long, and now
God himself, through Father Andrasz, has removed all difficulties. My spirit has
been turned towards the Sun and has blossomed in His rays for Him alone; I
understand no more... [The sentence breaks off here and begins a completely
new thought in the next line.] 143 +I have wasted many of God's graces because I was always afraid of being
deluded. God drew me to himself so powerfully that often it was not in my
power to resist his grace when I was suddenly immersed in him. At these
moments, Jesus filled me with such great peace that, later on, even when I tried
to become uneasy, I could not do so. And then, I heard these words in my soul:
In order that you may be assured that it is I who am demanding all these things
of you, I will give you such profound peace that even if you wanted to feel
troubled and frightened, it would not be in your power to do so today, but love
will flood your soul to the point of self-oblivion.
144 Later Jesus gave me another priest [Father Sopocko], before whom He
ordered me to reveal my soul. At first I did so with a bit of hesitation, but a
severe reprimand from Jesus brought about a deep humility within my soul.
Under his direction, my soul made quick progress in the love of God, and many
wishes of the Lord were carried out externally.[46] Many a time have I been
astounded at his courage and his profound humility.
145 Oh, how wretched my soul is for having wasted so many graces! I was
running away from God, and He pursued me with his graces. I most often
experienced God's graces when I least expected them. From the moment He
gave me a spiritual director, I have been more faithful to grace. Thanks to the
director and his watchfulness over my soul, I have learned what guidance means
and how Jesus looks at it. Jesus warned me of the least fault and stressed that
He himself judges the matter that I present to my confessor; and [He told me]
that ... any transgressions against the confessor touch Me myself. When under his direction my soul began to experience deep recollection and
peace, I often heard these words in my soul: Strengthen yourself for combat -
repeated over and over at various times. +Jesus often makes known to me what He does not like in my soul, and He has
more than once rebuked me for what seemed to be trifles, but which were, in
fact, things of great importance. He has warned me and tried me like a Master.
For many years He himself educated me, until the moment when He gave me a
spiritual director. Previously, He himself had made clear to me what I did not
understand; but now, He tells me to ask my confessor about everything and
often says, I will answer you through his mouth. Be at peace. It has never
happened to me that I have received an answer which was contrary to what the
Lord wanted of me, when I presented it to the spiritual director [Father
Sopocko]. It sometimes happens that Jesus first asks certain things of me, about
which no one knows anything, and then, when I kneel at the confessional, my
confessor gives me the same order-however, this is infrequent. +When, over a long period of time, a soul has received much light and many
inspirations, and when the confessors have confirmed the source of these
inspirations and set the soul at peace; if its love is great, Jesus now makes it
known that it is time to put into action what it has received. The soul recognizes
that God is counting on it, and this knowledge fortifies it. It knows that to be
faithful it will often have to face various difficulties, but it trusts in God and,
thanks to this trust, it reaches that point to which God is calling it. Difficulties do
not terrify it; they are its daily bread, as it were. They do not frighten or terrify
the soul, just as a warrior who is constantly in battle is not terrified by the roar of
the cannon. Far from being frightened, it listens to determine from which side the
enemy is launching his attack, in order to defeat him. It does nothing blindly, but
examines and ponders everything deeply and, not counting on itself, it prays
fervently and asks advice of other warriors who are experienced and wise.
When the soul acts in this way, it nearly always wins. There are attacks when a soul has no time to think or seek advice; then it must
enter into a life-or-death struggle. Sometimes it is good to flee for cover in the
wound of the Heart of Jesus, without answering a single word. By this very act
the enemy is already defeated. In time of peace, as well, the soul continues making efforts, just as in time of
battle. It must exercise itself, and do so with energy; otherwise it has no chance
of attaining victory. I regard the time of peace as a time of preparation for
victory. The soul must be ever watchful; watchfulness and again, watchfulness.
The soul that reflects receives much light. A distracted soul runs the risk of a fall,
and let it not be surprised when it does fall. O Spirit of God, Director of the
soul, wise is he whom You have trained! But for the Spirit of God to act in the
soul, peace and recollection are needed.
146 Prayer.-A soul arms itself by prayer for all kinds of combat. In whatever
state the soul may be, it ought to pray. A soul which is pure and beautiful must
pray, or else it will lose its beauty; a soul which is striving after this purity must
pray, or else it will never attain it; a soul which is newly converted must pray, or
else it will fall again; a sinful soul, plunged in sins, must pray so that it might rise
again. There is no soul which is not bound to pray, for every single grace comes
to the soul through prayer.
147 I recall that I have received most light during adoration which I made lying
prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament for half an hour every day throughout
Lent. During that time I came to know myself and God more profoundly. And
yet, even though I had the superiors' permission to do so, I encountered many
obstacles to praying in such a way. Let the soul be aware that, in order to pray
and persevere in prayer, one must arm oneself with patience and cope bravely
with exterior and interior difficulties. The interior difficulties are discouragement,
dryness, heaviness of spirit and temptations. The exterior difficulties are human
respect and time; one must observe the time set apart for prayer. This has been
my personal experience because, when I did not pray at the time assigned for
prayer, later on I could not do it because of my duties; or if I did manage to do
so, this was only with great difficulty, because my thoughts kept wandering off to
my duties. I also experienced this difficulty: when a soul has prayed well and left
prayer in a state of profound interior recollection, others resist its recollection;
and so, the soul must be patient to persevere in prayer. It often happened to me
that when my soul was more deeply immersed in God, and I had derived greater
fruit from prayer, and God's presence accompanied me during the day, and at
work there was more recollection and greater precision and effort at my duty,
this was precisely when I received the most rebukes for being negligent in my
duty and indifferent to everything; because less recollected souls want others to
be like them, for they are a constant [source of] remorse to them.
148 +A noble and delicate soul, even the most simple, but one of delicate
sensibilities, sees God in everything, finds Him everywhere, and knows how to
find Him in even the most hidden things. It finds all things important, it highly
appreciates all things, it thanks God for all things, it draws profit for the soul
from all things, and it gives all glory to God. It places its trust in God and is not
confused when the time of ordeals comes. It knows that God is always the best
of Fathers and makes little of human opinion. It follows faithfully the faintest
breath of the Holy Spirit; it rejoices in this Spiritual Guest and holds onto Him
like a child to its mother. Where other souls come to a standstill and fear, this
soul passes on without fear or difficulty.
149 When the Lord himself wants to be close to a soul and to lead it, He will
remove everything that is external. When I fell ill and was taken to the infirmary,
I suffered much unpleasantness because of this. There were two of us sick in the
infirmary. Sisters would come to see Sister N., but no one came to visit me. It is
true that there was only one infirmary, but each one had her own cell. The winter
nights were long, and Sister N. had the light and the radio headphones, while I
could not even prepare my meditation for lack of a light. When nearly two weeks had passed in this way, I complained to the Lord one
evening that I was suffering so much and that I could not even prepare my
meditation because there was no light. And the Lord said that He would come
every evening and give me the points for the next day's meditation. These points
always concerned His sorrowful Passion. He would say, Consider My sufferings
before Pilate. And thus, point by point, I meditated upon His sorrowful Passion
for one week. From that moment, a great joy entered my soul, and I no longer
wanted either the visitors or the light; Jesus sufficed me for everything. The
superiors were indeed very solicitous for the sick, but the Lord ordained that I
should feel forsaken. This best of masters withdraws every created thing in
order that He himself might act. Many a time, I have experienced such sufferings
and persecutions that Mother M. [probably Mother Margaret] herself said to
me, "Sister, along your path, sufferings just spring up out of the ground. I look
upon you, Sister, as one crucified. But I can see that Jesus has a hand in this. Be
faithful to the Lord."
150 +I want to write down a dream that I had about Saint Therese of the Child
Jesus. I was still a novice at the time and was going through some difficulties
which I did not know how to overcome. They were interior difficulties
connected with exterior ones. I made novenas to various saints, but the situation
grew more and more difficult. The sufferings it caused me were so great that I
did not know how to go on living, but suddenly the thought occurred to me that
I should pray to Saint Therese of the Child Jesus. I started a novena to this
Saint, because before entering the convent I had had a great devotion to her.
Lately I had somewhat neglected this devotion, but in my need I began again to
pray with great fervor. On the fifth day of the novena, I dreamed of Saint Therese, but it was as if she
were still living on earth. She hid from me the fact that she was a saint and began
to comfort me, saying that I should not be worried about this matter, but should
trust more in God. She said, "I suffered greatly, too," but I did not quite believe
her and said, "It seems to me that you have not suffered at all." But Saint
Therese answered me in a convincing manner that she had suffered very much
indeed and said to me, "Sister, know that in three days the difficulty will come to
a happy conclusion." When I was not very willing to believe her, she revealed to
me that she was a saint. At that moment, a great joy filled my soul, and I said to
her, "You are a saint?" "Yes," she answered, "I am a saint. Trust that this matter
will be resolved in three days:" And I said, "Dear sweet Therese, tell me, shall I
go to heaven?" And she answered, "Yes, you will go to heaven, Sister." "And
will I be a saint?" To which she replied, "Yes, you will be a saint." "But, little
Therese, shall I be a saint as you are, raised to the altar?" And she answered,
"Yes, you will be a saint just as I am, but you must trust in the Lord Jesus." I
then asked her if my mother and father would go to heaven, will [unfinished
sentence] And she replied that they would. I further asked, "And will my
brothers and sisters go to heaven?" She told me to pray hard for them, but gave
me no definite answer. I understood that they were in need of much prayer. This was a dream. And as the proverb goes, dreams are phantoms; God is faith.
Nevertheless, three days later the difficulty was solved very easily, just as she
had said. And everything in this affair turned out exactly as she said it would. It
was a dream, but it had its significance. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
151 +Once, when I was in the kitchen with Sister N.,[47] she got a little upset
with me and, as a punishment, ordered me to sit on the table while she herself
continued to work hard, cleaning and scrubbing. And while I was sitting there,
the sisters came along and were astounded to find me sitting on the table, and
each one had her say. One said that I was a loafer and another, "What an
eccentric!" I was a postulant at the time. Others said, "What kind of a sister will
she make?" Still, I could not get down because sister had ordered me to sit
there by virtue of obedience[48] until she told me to get down. Truly, God alone
knows how many acts of self-denial it took. I thought I'd die of shame. God
often allowed such things for the sake of my inner formation, but He
compensated me for this humiliation by a great consolation. During Benediction I
saw Him in great beauty. Jesus looked at me kindly and said, My daughter, do
not be afraid of sufferings; I am with you.
152 Once, I had night duty,[49] and I was suffering greatly in spirit because of
the painting of the image, and I no longer knew which way to turn because they
were constantly trying to convince me that the whole thing was an illusion. On
the other hand, one priest said that perhaps God wanted to be worshiped
through this image and therefore I ought to try to get it painted. Meanwhile, my
soul was becoming extremely exhausted. When I entered the little chapel, I
brought my head close to the tabernacle, knocked and said, "Jesus, look at the
great difficulties I am having because of the painting of this image." And I heard
a voice from the tabernacle, My daughter, your sufferings will not last much longer.
153 One day, I saw two roads. One was broad, covered with sand and
flowers, full of joy, music and all sorts of pleasures. People walked along it,
dancing and enjoying themselves. They reached the end without realizing it. And
at the end of the road there was a horrible precipice; that is, the abyss of hell.
The souls fell blindly into it; as they walked, so they fell. And their number was
so great that it was impossible to count them. And I saw the other road, or
rather, a path, for it was narrow and strewn with thorns and rocks; and the
people who walked along it had tears in their eyes, and all kinds of suffering
befell them. Some fell down upon the rocks, but stood up immediately and went
on. At the end of the road there was a magnificent garden filled with all sorts of
happiness, and all these souls entered there. At the very first instant they forgot
all their sufferings.
154 Once, when there was adoration at the convent of the Sisters of the Holy
Family,[50] I went there in the evening with one of our sisters. As soon as I
entered the chapel, the presence of God filled my soul. I prayed as I do at
certain times, without saying a word. Suddenly, I saw the Lord, who said to me,
Know that if you neglect the matter of the painting of the image and the whole
work of mercy, you will have to answer for a multitude of souls on the day of
judgment. After these words of Our Lord, a certain fear filled my soul, and
alarm took hold of me. Try as 1 would, 1 could not calm myself. These words
kept resounding in my ears: So, 1 will not only have to answer for myself on the
day of judgment, but also for the souls of others. These words cut deep into my
heart. When I returned home, I went to the little Jesus,[51] fell on my face
before the Blessed Sacrament and said to the Lord, "I will do everything in my
power, but I beg You to be always with me and to give me strength to do Your
holy will; for You can do everything, while I can do nothing of myself."
155 +It has happened to me for some time now that 1 immediately sense in my
soul when someone is praying for me; and I likewise sense it in my soul when
some soul asks me for prayer, even though they do not speak to me about it.
The feeling is one of certain disquiet, as if someone were calling me; and when I
pray 1 obtain peace.
156 +Once, l desired very much to receive Holy Communion, but I had a
certain doubt, and I did not go. I suffered greatly because of this. It seemed to
me that my heart would burst from the pain. When I set about my work, my
heart full of bitterness, Jesus suddenly stood by me and said, My daughter, do
not omit Holy Communion unless you know well that your fall was serious; apart
from this, no doubt must stop you from uniting yourself with Me in the mystery
of My love. Your minor faults will disappear in My love like a piece of straw
thrown into a great furnace. Know that you grieve Me much when you fail to
receive Me in Holy Communion.
157 +In the evening, when I entered the small chapel, I heard these words in my
soul: My daughter, consider these words: "And being in agony, he prayed more
earnestly." When I started to think about them more deeply, much light streamed
into my soul. I learned how much we need perseverance in prayer and that our
salvation often depends on such difficult prayer.
158 +When I was at Kiekrz [1930] to replace one of the sisters[52] for a short
time, I went across the garden one afternoon and stopped on the shore of the
lake; I stood there for a long time, contemplating my surroundings. Suddenly, I
saw the Lord Jesus near me, and He graciously said to me, All this I created for
you, My spouse; and know that all this beauty is nothing compared to what I
have prepared for you in eternity. My soul was inundated with such consolation
that I stayed there until evening, and it seemed to me like a brief moment. That
was my free day, set apart for a one-day retreat,[53] so I was quite free to
devote myself to prayer. Oh, how the infinitely good God pursues us with His
goodness! It often happens that the Lord grants me the greatest graces when I
do not at all expect them.
159 +O Blessed Host, in golden chalice enclosed for me, That through the vast wilderness of exile I may pass-pure, immaculate, undefiled; Oh, grant that through the power of Your love this might come to be. O Blessed Host, take up Your dwelling within my soul, O Thou my heart's purest love! With Your brilliance the darkness dispel. Refuse not Your grace to a humble heart. O Blessed Host, enchantment of all heaven, Though Your beauty be veiled And captured in a crumb of bread, Strong faith tears away that veil.
160 +The crusade day,[54] which is the fifth of the month, happened to fall on
the First Friday of the month. This was my day for keeping watch before the
Lord Jesus. It was my duty to make amends to the Lord for all offenses and
acts of disrespect and to pray that, on this day, no sacrilege be committed. This
day, my spirit was set aflame with special love for the Eucharist. It seemed to
me that I was transformed into a blazing fire. When I was about to receive Holy
Communion, a second Host fell onto the priest's sleeve, and I did not know
which host I was to receive. After I had hesitated for a moment, the priest made
an impatient gesture with his hand to tell me I should receive the Host. When I
took the Host he gave me, the other one fell onto my hands. The priest went
along the altar rail to distribute Communion, and I held the Lord Jesus in my
hands all that time. When the priest approached me again, I raised the Host for
him to put it back into the chalice, because when I had first received Jesus I
could not speak before consuming the Host, and so could not tell him that the
other had fallen. But while I was holding the Host in my hand, I felt such a
power of love that for the rest of the day I could neither eat nor come to my
senses. I heard these words from the Host: I desired to rest in your hands, not
only in your heart. And at that moment I saw the little Jesus. But when the priest
approached, I saw once again only the Host.
161 Immaculate Virgin, Pure crystal for my heart, You are my strength, O sturdy anchor! You are the weak heart's shield and protection. Mary you are pure, of purity incomparable; At once both Virgin and Mother, You are beautiful as the sun, without blemish, And your soul is beyond all comparison. Your beauty has delighted the eye of the Thrice-Holy One. He descended from heaven, leaving His eternal throne, And took Body and Blood of your heart And for nine months lay hidden in a Virgin's Heart. O Mother, Virgin, purest of all lilies, Your heart was Jesus' first tabernacle on earth. Only because no humility was deeper than yours Were you raised above the choirs of Angels and above all Saints. O Mary, my sweet Mother, I give you my soul, my body and my poor heart. Be the guardian of my life, Especially at the hour of death, in the final strife.
162 J.M.J. Jesus, I trust in You. January 1, 1937 Chart of internal control of the
soul. Particular examen-to be united with the merciful Christ. Practice: inner
silence, strict observance of silence. The Conscience January: God and the soul; silence. Victories 41, falls 4. Exclamatory Prayer: But Jesus remained silent. February: God and the soul; silence. Victories 36, falls 3. Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, I trust in You. March: God and the soul; silence. Victories 51, falls 2. Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, enkindle my heart with love. April: God and the soul; silence. Victories 61, falls 4. Exclamatory Prayer: With God, I can do all things. May: God and the soul; silence. Victories 92, falls 3. Exclamatory Prayer: In His Name is my strength. June: God and the soul; silence. Victories 64, falls 1. Exclamatory Prayer: All for Jesus. July: God and the soul; silence. Victories 62, falls 8. Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, rest in my heart. August: God and the soul; silence. Victories 88, falls 7. Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, You know... September: God and the soul; silence. Victories 99, falls 1. Exclamatory Prayer: Jesus, hide me in Your Heart. October: God and the soul; silence. Victories 41, falls 3. Exclamatory Prayer: Mary, unite me with Jesus. November: God and the soul; silence. Victories, falls. Exclamatory Prayer: O my Jesus, have mercy! December: God and the soul; silence. Victories, falls. Exclamatory Prayer: Hail, living Host!
163 JMJ The Year 1937 General Exercises +O Most Holy Trinity! As many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart
beats, as many times as my blood pulsates through my body, so many thousand
times do I want to glorify Your mercy. +I want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living
reflection, 0 Lord. May the greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your
unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor. Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or
judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbors' souls
and come to their rescue. Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may give heed to my neighbors'
needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings. Help me, O Lord, that
my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my
neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all. Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so
that I may do only good to my neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult
and toilsome tasks. Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my
neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the
service of my neighbor. Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the
sufferings of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even
with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the
most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your
mercy, O Lord, rest upon me. +You yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first:
the act of mercy, of whatever kind. The second: the word of mercy-if I cannot
carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third: prayer-if I
cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My
prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically. O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for you can do all things. [four pages left blank][55]
164 +JMJ Warsaw, 1933. Probation Before Perpetual Vows[56] When I learned I was to go for probation, my heart beat with joy at the thought
of such an immense grace, that of the perpetual vows. I went before the Blessed
Sacrament; and when I immersed myself in a prayer of thanksgiving, I heard
these words in my soul: My child you are My delight, you are the comfort of My
Heart. I grant you as many graces as you can hold. As often as you want to
make Me happy, speak to the world about My great and unfathomable mercy.
165 A few weeks before I was told about the probation, I entered the chapel
for a moment and Jesus said to me, At this very moment the superiors are
deciding which sisters are going to take perpetual vows. Not all of them will be
granted this grace, but this is their own fault. He who does not take advantage of
small graces will not receive great ones. But to you, my child, this grace is being
given. My soul was seized with joyful surprise, because a few days earlier one
of the sisters had said to me, "Sister, you will not be going for the third
probation. I myself will see to it that you will not be permitted to make your
vows." I said nothing to the sister, but felt great pain which I tried to conceal as
best I could. O Jesus, how strange are Your ways! I now see that people can do very little
on their own, for I did make my probation, as Jesus had told me.
166 In prayer I always find light and strength of spirit, although there are
moments so trying and hurtful, that it is sometimes difficult to imagine that these
things can happen in a convent. Strangely, God sometimes allows them, but
always in order to manifest or develop virtue in a soul. That is the reason for trials.
167 Today [November, 1932], I arrived in Warsaw for the third probation.
After a cordial meeting with the dear Mothers, I went into the small chapel for a
moment. Suddenly God's presence filled my soul, and I heard these words, My
daughter, I desire that your heart be formed after the model of My merciful
Heart. You must be completely imbued with My mercy. Dear Mother Directress [Margaret] at once asked me whether I had had a retreat that year, and I said no. "Then
you must first have a retreat of at least three days." Thanks be to God there was
at Walendows[57] an eight-day retreat in which I could take part. But
difficulties arose in regard to my leaving for this retreat. A certain person
opposed my going very much, and it already [appeared that] I was not to go.
After dinner, I went into the chapel for a five-minute adoration. Suddenly I saw
the Lord Jesus, who said to me, My daughter, I am preparing many graces for
you, which you will receive during this retreat which you will begin tomorrow. I
answered, "Jesus, the retreat has already begun, and I am not supposed to go."
And He said to me, Get ready for it, because you will begin the retreat
tomorrow. And as for your departure, I will arrange that with the superiors. And
in an instant, Jesus disappeared. I began to wonder how this was going to happen. But after a moment I rejected
all such thoughts and devoted the time I had to prayer, begging the Holy Spirit
for light to see the whole misery that I am. After a short while, I left the little
chapel to go about my duties. Soon Mother General [Michael] called me and
said, "Sister, you will go to Walendow today with Mother Valeria so that you
can start the retreat tomorrow. Fortunately, Mother Valeria happens to be here
and you can go together." Within two hours I was already in Walendow. I
reflected for a moment within myself and recognized that only Jesus can arrange
things in such a way.
168 When the person who so strongly opposed my participation in the retreat
saw me, she showed surprise and dissatisfaction. Paying no heed to this, I
greeted her affectionately and went to visit the Lord, in order to learn how I
should conduct myself during the retreat.
169 My conversation with the Lord Jesus before the retreat. Jesus told me that
this retreat would be a little different from others. You shall strive to maintain a
profound peace in respect to your communings with Me. I will remove all
doubts in this regard. I know that you are at peace now as I speak to you, but
the moment I stop talking you will start looking for doubts. But I want you to
know that I will affirm your soul to such a degree that even if you wanted to be
troubled, it will not be within your power. And as a proof that it is I who am
speaking to you, you will go to confession on the second day of the retreat to
the priest who is preaching the retreat; you will go to him as soon as he has
finished his conference and will present to him all your doubts concerning Me. I
will answer you through his lips, and then your fears will end. During this retreat,
observe such strict silence that it will be as though nothing exists around you.
You shall speak only to Me and to your confessor; you will ask your superiors
only for penances. I felt immense joy that the Lord would show me such
kindness and lower himself so much for my sake.
170 The first day of the retreat. I tried to be the first in the chapel in the morning;
before the meditation I had a bit of time for prayer to the Holy Spirit and to Our
Lady. I earnestly begged the Mother of God to obtain for me the grace of
fidelity to these inner inspirations and of faithfully carrying out God's will,
whatever it might be. I began this retreat with a very special kind of courage.
171 Struggle to keep silence. As usual, sisters from various houses came to the
retreat. One of the sisters whom I had not seen for a long time, came to my cell
and said she had something to tell me. I did not answer her, and she saw that I
did not want to break silence. She said to me, "I didn't know you were such an
eccentric, sister," and she went away. I was well aware that she had no other
business with me than to satisfy her own curious self-love. O God, preserve me
in faithfulness.
172 The father[58] who preached the retreat came from America. He had come
to Poland for only a short time, and it so happened that he conducted our
retreat. A deep interior life was reflected from his person. His bearing testified to
the greatness of his spirit. Mortification and recollection characterized this priest.
But despite these great virtues, I experienced much difficulty in revealing my soul
to him in regard to graces received; as for sins, it is always easy to do so, but in
respect to graces I really have to make a great effort, and even then I do not tell everything.
173 Satan's temptations during meditation. I felt a strange fear that the priest
would not understand me, or that he would have no time to hear everything I
would have to say. How am I going to tell him all this? If it were Father
Bukowski I could do it more easily, but this Jesuit whom I am seeing for the first
time... Then I remembered Father Bukowski's advice that I should at least take
brief notes of the lights sent to me by God during the retreats and give him at
least a brief report on them. My God, for a day and a half all has gone well, and
now a life and death struggle is beginning. The conference is to start in a half
hour, and then I am to go to confession. Satan tried to persuade me into
believing that if my superiors have told me that my inner life is an illusion, why
should I ask again and trouble the confessor? Didn't MX [probably Mother
Jane] tell you that the Lord Jesus does not commune with souls as miserable as
yours? This confessor is going to tell you the same thing. Why speak to him
about all this? These are not sins, and Mother X, told you that all this
communing with the Lord Jesus was daydreaming and pure hysteria. So why tell
it to this confessor? You would do better to dismiss all this as illusions. Look
how many humiliations you have suffered because of them, and how many more
are still awaiting you, and all the sisters know that you are a hysteric. "Jesus!" I
called out with all the strength of my soul.
174 At that moment the priest came in and began the conference. He spoke for
a short time, as if he were in a hurry. After the conference, he went over to the
confessional. Seeing that none of the sisters were going there, I sprang from my
kneeler, and in an instant was in the confessional. There was no time to
deliberate. Instead of telling the father about the doubts that had been sown in
me in respect to my dealings with the Lord Jesus, I began to speak about these
temptations I have just described above. The confessor immediately understood
my situation and said, "Sister, you distrust the Lord Jesus because He treats you
so kindly. Well, Sister, be completely at peace. Jesus is your Master, and your
communing with Him is neither daydreaming nor hysteria nor illusion. Know that
you are on the right path. Please try to be faithful to these graces; you are not
free to shun them. You do not need at all, Sister, to tell your superiors about
these interior graces, unless the Lord Jesus instructs you clearly to do so, and
even then you should first consult with your confessor. But if the Lord Jesus
demands something external, in this case, after consulting your confessor, you
should carry out what He asks of you, even if this costs you greatly. On the
other hand, you must tell your confessor everything. There is absolutely no other
course for you to take, Sister. Pray that you may find a spiritual director, or else
you will waste these great gifts of God. I repeat once again, be at peace; you
are following the right path. Take no heed of anything else, but always be faithful
to the Lord Jesus, no matter what anyone says about you. It is with just such
miserable souls that the Lord Jesus communes in this intimate way. And the
more you humble yourself, the more the Lord Jesus will unite Himself with you."
175 176 177
175 When I left the confessional, ineffable joy filled my soul, so that I withdrew
to a secluded spot in the garden to hide myself from the sisters to allow my heart
to pour itself out to God. God's presence penetrated me and, in an instant, all
my nothingness was drowned in God; and at the same moment I felt, or rather
discerned, the Three Divine Persons dwelling in me. And I had such great peace
in my soul that I myself was surprised that I could have had so many misgivings.
176 +Resolution: Faithfulness to inner inspirations, even though I would have no
idea how much I would have to pay for it. I must do nothing on my own without
first consulting the confessor.
177 +Renewal of vows. From the moment I woke up in the morning, my spirit
was totally submerged in God, in that ocean of love. I felt that I had been
completely immersed in Him. During Holy Mass, my love for Him reached a
peak of intensity. After the renewal of vows and Holy Communion, I suddenly
saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me with great kindness, My daughter, look at
My merciful Heart. As I fixed my gaze on the Most Sacred Heart, the same rays
of light, as are represented in the image as blood and water, came forth from it,
and I understood how great is the Lord's mercy. And again Jesus said to me
with kindness, My daughter, speak to priests about this inconceivable mercy of
Mine. The flames of mercy are burning Me-clamoring to be spent; I want to
keep pouring them out upon souls; souls just don't want to believe in My
goodness. Suddenly Jesus disappeared. But throughout that whole day my spirit
remained immersed in God's tangible presence, despite the buzz and chatter that
usually follow a retreat. It did not disturb me in the least. My spirit was in God,
although externally I took part in the conversations and even went to visit Derdy.[59]
178 Today we are beginning the third probation. All three of us met at Mother
Margaret's, as the other sisters were having their probation in the novitiate.
Mother Margaret began with a prayer, explained to us what the third probation
consists of, and then spoke on how great is the grace of the perpetual vows.
Suddenly I began to cry out loud. In an instant all God's graces appeared before
the eyes of my soul, and I saw myself so wretched and ungrateful toward God.
The sisters began to rebuke me, saying, "Why did she break out crying?" But
Mother Margaret came to my defense, saying that she was not surprised. At the end of the hour, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and, like the
greatest and most miserable of wretches, I begged for His mercy that He might
heal and purify my poor soul. Then I heard these words, My daughter, all your
miseries have been consumed in the flame of My love, like a little twig thrown
into a roaring fire. By humbling yourself in this way, you draw upon yourself and
upon other souls an entire sea of My mercy. I answered, "Jesus, mold my poor
heart according to Your divine delight."
179 Throughout the third probation it was my duty to help the sister in the
vestiary.[60] This duty gave me many occasions to practice virtues. Sometimes I
had to take linen to certain sisters three times and still one could not satisfy them.
But I also came to recognize the great virtues of some sisters who always asked
for the poorest things from the vestiary. I admired their spirit of humility and
mortification.
180 +During Advent, a great yearning for God arose in my soul. My spirit
rushed toward God with all its might. During that time, the Lord gave me much
light to know His attributes. The first attribute which the Lord gave me to know is His holiness. His holiness
is so great that all the Powers and Virtues tremble before Him. The pure spirits
veil their faces and lose themselves in unending adoration, and with one single
word they express the highest form of adoration; that is-Holy... The holiness of
God is poured out upon the Church of God and upon every living soul in it, but
not in the same degree. There are souls who are completely penetrated by God,
and there are those who are barely alive. The second kind of knowledge which the Lord granted me concerns His justice.
His justice is so great and penetrating that it reaches deep into the heart of
things, and all things stand before Him in naked truth, and nothing can withstand Him. The third attribute is love and mercy. And I understood that the greatest
attribute is love and mercy. It unites the creature with the Creator. This immense
love and abyss of mercy are made known in the Incarnation of the Word and in
the Redemption [of humanity], and it is here that I saw this as the greatest of all
God's attributes.
181 Today I was cleaning the room of one of the sisters. Although I was trying
to clean it with utmost care, she kept following me all the time and saying,
"You've left a speck of dust here and a spot on the floor there." At each of her
remarks I did each place over a dozen times just to satisfy her. It is not work
that makes me tired, but all this talking and excessive demands. My whole day's
martyrdom was not enough for her, so she went to the Directress and
complained, "Mother, who is this careless sister who doesn't know how to work
quickly?" The next day, I went again to do the same job, without trying to
explain myself. When she started driving me, I thought, "Jesus, one can be a
silent martyr; it is not the work that wears you out, but this kind of martyrdom."
182 I learned that certain people have a special gift for vexing others. They try
you as best they can. The poor soul that falls into their hands can do nothing
right; her best efforts are maliciously criticized. +Christmas Eve. Today I was closely united with the Mother of God. I relived her interior
sentiments. In the evening, before the ceremony of the breaking of the wafer, I
went into the chapel to break the wafer, in spirit, with my loved ones, and I
asked the Mother of God for graces for them. My spirit was totally steeped in
God. During the Midnight Mass ["Pasterka" or Shepherds' Mass], I saw the
Child Jesus in the Host, and my spirit was immersed in Him. Although He was a
tiny Child, His majesty penetrated my soul. I was permeated to the depths of my
being by this mystery, this great abasement on the part of God, this
inconceivable emptying of Himself. These sentiments remained vividly alive in my
soul all through the festive season. Oh, we shall never comprehend this great
self-abasement on the part of God; the more I think of it, [unfinished thought].
183 One morning after Holy Communion, I heard this voice, I desire that you
accompany Me when I go to the sick. I answered that I was quite willing, but
after a moment of reflection I started wondering how I was going to do so; the
sisters of the second choir[61] do not accompany the Blessed Sacrament. It is
always the sister-directresses who go. I thought to myself: Jesus will find a way.
Shortly afterwards, Mother Raphael sent for me and said, "Sister, you will
accompany the Lord Jesus when the priest goes to visit the sick." And all
through the time of my probation I carried the light, accompanying the Lord and,
as a knight of Jesus, 1 always tried to gird myself with an iron belt,[62] for it
would not be proper to accompany the King in everyday dress. And I offered
this mortification for the sick.
184 +Holy Hour. During this hour, l tried to meditate on the Lord's Passion. But
my soul was filled with joy, and suddenly I saw the Child Jesus. But His majesty
penetrated me to such an extent that I said, "Jesus, You are so little, and yet I
know that You are my Creator and Lord." And Jesus answered me, I am, and I
keep company with you as a child to teach you humility and simplicity. I gathered all my sufferings and difficulties into a bouquet for Jesus for the day of
our perpetual betrothal. Nothing was difficult for me, when I remembered it was
for my Betrothed as proof of my love for Him.
185 +My silence for Jesus. I strove after great silence for Jesus. Amidst the
greatest din, Jesus always found silence in my heart, although it sometimes cost
me a lot. But what can be too great for Jesus, for Him whom 1 love with all the
strength of my heart?
186 +Today Jesus said to me, I desire that you know more profoundly the love
that burns in My Heart for souls, and you will understand this when you meditate
upon My Passion. Call upon My mercy on behalf of sinners; I desire their
salvation. When you say this prayer, with a contrite heart and with faith on
behalf of some sinner, I will give him the grace of conversion. This is the prayer:
187 "O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fount
of Mercy for us, I trust in You."
188 During the last days of the carnival, when I was making a Holy Hour, I saw
how the Lord Jesus suffered as He was being scourged. Oh, such an
inconceivable agony! How terribly Jesus suffered during the scourging! O poor
sinners, on the day of judgment how will you face the Jesus whom you are now
torturing so cruelly? His blood flowed to the ground, and in some places His
flesh started to fall off. I saw a few bare bones on His back. The meek Jesus
moaned softly and sighed.
189 On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know how pleasing to Him is the soul
that faithfully keeps the rule. A soul will receive a greater reward for observing
the rule than for penances and great mortifications. The latter will be rewarded
also if they are undertaken over and above the rule, but they will not surpass the rule.
190 Once during an adoration, the Lord demanded that I give myself up to Him
as an offering, by bearing a certain suffering in atonement, not only for the sins of
the world in general, but specifically for transgressions committed in this house.
Immediately I said, "Very good; I am ready." But Jesus gave me to see what I
was going to suffer, and in one moment the whole passion unfolded itself before
my eyes. Firstly, my intentions will not be recognized; there will be all kinds of
suspicion and distrust as well as various kinds of humiliations and adversities. I
will not mention everything here. All these things stood before my soul's eye like
a dark storm from which lightning was ready to strike at any moment, waiting
only for my consent. For a moment, my nature was frightened. Then suddenly
the dinner bell rang. I left the chapel, trembling and undecided. But the sacrifice
was ever present before me, for I had neither decided to accept it, nor had I
refused the Lord. I wanted to place myself completely in His will. If the Lord
Jesus himself were to impose it on me, I was ready. But Jesus gave me to know
that I myself was to give my free consent and accept it with full consciousness,
or else it would be meaningless. Its whole power was contained in my free act
before God. But at the same time, Jesus gave me to understand that the decision
was completely within my power. I could do it or not do it. And so I then
answered immediately, "Jesus, I accept everything that You wish to send me; I
trust in Your goodness." At that moment, I felt that by this act I glorified God
greatly. But I armed myself with patience. As soon as I left the chapel, I had an
encounter with reality. I do not want to describe the details, but there was as
much of it as I was able to bear. I would not have been able to bear even one
drop more.
191 +One morning I heard these words in my soul: Go to Mother General
[Michael] and tell her that this thing displeases Me in such and such a house. I
cannot mention what the thing was nor the house in question, but I did tell it to
Mother General, although it cost me very much.
192 Once, I took upon myself a terrible temptation which one of our students in
the house at Warsaw was going through. It was the temptation of suicide. For
seven days I suffered; and after the seven days Jesus granted her the grace
which was being asked, and then my suffering also ceased. It was a great
suffering. I often take upon myself the torments of our students. Jesus permits
me to do this, and so do my confessors. 193 My heart is a permanent dwelling place for Jesus. No one but Jesus has
access to it. It is from Jesus that I derive strength to fight difficulties and
oppositions. I want to be transformed into Jesus in order to be able to give
myself completely to souls. Without Jesus I would not get near to souls, because
I know what I am of myself. I absorb God into myself in order to give Him to souls.
194 +March 27. I desire to struggle, toil and empty myself for our work of
saving immortal souls. It does not matter if these efforts should shorten my life; it
is no longer mine, but belongs to the Community. I want to be useful to the
whole Church by being faithful to my Community.
195 O Jesus, today my soul is as though darkened by suffering. Not a single ray
of light. The storm is raging, and Jesus is asleep. O my Master, I will not wake
You; I will not interrupt Your sweet sleep. I believe that You fortify me without
my knowing it. Throughout the long hours I adore You, O living Bread, amidst the great
drought in my soul. O Jesus, pure Love, I do not need consolations; I am
nourished by Your will, O Mighty One! Your will is the goal of my existence. It
seems to me that the whole world serves me and depends on me. You, O Lord,
understand my soul with all its aspirations. Jesus, when I myself cannot sing You the hymn of love, I admire the singing of
the Seraphim, they who are so dearly loved by You. I desire to drown myself in
You as they do. Nothing will stem such love, for no might has power over it. It
is like lightning that illuminates the darkness, but does not remain in it. O my
Master, shape my soul according to Your will and Your eternal designs!
196 A certain person seems to have made it her task to try out my virtue in all
sorts of ways. One day, she stopped me in the corridor and began by saying
that she had no grounds for rebuking me, but she ordered me to stand there
opposite the small chapel[63] for half an hour and to wait for Mother Superior,
who was to pass by there after recreation,[64] and I was to accuse myself of
various things which she had told me to say. Although I had no idea of these
things being on my soul, I was obedient and waited for Mother Superior for a
full half hour. Each sister who passed by looked at me with a smile. When I
accused myself before Mother Superior [Raphael], she sent me to my
confessor. When I made my confession, the priest saw immediately that this was
something that did not come from my own soul and that I had not the faintest
idea of such things. He was very surprised that this person had dared to take
upon herself to give such orders.
197 O Church of God, you are the best mother, you alone can rear a soul and
cause it to grow. Oh, how great is my love and respect for the Church, that best
of all mothers!
198 On one occasion the Lord said to me, My daughter, your confidence and
love restrain My justice, and I cannot inflict punishment because you hinder Me
from doing so. Oh, how great is the power of a soul filled with confidence!
199 When I think of my perpetual vows and Who it is that wants to be joined
with me, for hours I become absorbed in the thought of Him. How can this be;
You are God and I-I am Your creature. You, the Immortal King and I, a beggar
and misery itself! But now all is clear to me; Your grace and Your love, O Lord,
will fill the gulf between You, Jesus, and me.
200 O Jesus, how deeply it hurts the soul when it is always trying to be sincere
and they accuse it of hypocrisy and behave with mistrust toward it. O Jesus,
You also suffered like this to make satisfaction to Your Father. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
201 I want to hide myself so that no creature might know my heart. Jesus, You
alone know my heart and possess it whole and entire. No one knows our
secret. We understand each other mutually with one look. From the moment we
came to know each other I have been happy. Your greatness is my fullness. O
Jesus, when I am in the last place, lower than the postulants, even the youngest
of them, then I feel that I am in my proper place. I did not know that the Lord
had put so much happiness in these drab little corners. Now I understand that
even in prison there can burst forth from a pure heart the fullness of love for
You, O Lord! External things mean nothing to pure love; it cuts through them all.
Neither prison doors nor the gates of heaven are strong enough to stop it. It
reaches God himself, and nothing can quench it. It knows no obstacles; it is free
like a queen and has free access to all places. Death itself must bow its head
before it....
202 My sister [Wanda[65]] came to see me today. When she told me of her
plans, I was horror-stricken. How is such a thing possible? Such a beautiful little
soul before the Lord, and yet great darkness had come over her, and she did
not know how to help herself. She had a dark view of everything. The good
God entrusted her to my care, and for two weeks I was able to work with her.
But how many sacrifices this soul cost me is known only to God. For no other
soul did I bring so many sacrifices and sufferings and prayers before the throne
of God as I did for her soul. I felt that I had forced God to grant her grace.
When I reflect on all this, I see that it was truly a miracle. Now I can see how
much power intercessory prayer has before God.
203 Now, during this Lent, I often experience the Passion of the Lord Jesus in
my own body. I experience deeply in my heart all that Jesus suffered, although
no exterior sign betrays these sufferings of mine. Only my confessor knows
about them.
204 A short conversation with Mother Directress [Margaret]. When I asked her
about some particulars concerning progress in the spiritual life, this holy Mother
answered everything with great clarity. She said to me, "if you continue
cooperating with God's grace in this way, Sister, you will be only one step away
from close union with God. You understand what I mean by this. This means
that your characteristic trait should be faithfulness to the grace of the Lord. God
does not lead all souls along such a path."
205 +The Resurrection. Today, during the [Mass of the] Resurrection, I saw the
Lord Jesus in the midst of a great light. He approached me and said, Peace be
to you, My children, and He lifted up His hand and gave His blessing. The
wounds in His hands, feet and side were indelible and shining. When He looked
at me with such kindness and love, my whole soul drowned itself in Him. And
He said to me, You have taken a great part in My Passion; therefore I now give
you a great share in My joy and glory. The whole time of the Resurrection
[Mass] seemed like only a minute to me. A wondrous recollection filled my soul
and lasted throughout the whole festal season. The kindness of Jesus is so great
that I cannot express it.
206 The next day, after Communion, I heard the voice saying, My daughter,
look into the abyss of My mercy and give praise and glory to this mercy of
Mine. Do it in this way: Gather all sinners from the entire world and immerse
them in the abyss of My mercy. I want to give Myself to souls; I yearn for souls,
My daughter. On the day of My feast, the Feast of Mercy, you will go through
the whole world and bring fainting souls to the spring of My mercy. I shall heal
and strengthen them.
207 I prayed today for a soul in agony, who was dying without the Holy
Sacraments, although she desired them. But it was already too late. It was a
relative of mine, my uncle's wife. She was a soul pleasing to God. There was no
distance between us at that moment.
208 O you small, everyday sacrifices, you are to me like wild flowers which I
strew over the feet of my beloved Jesus. I sometimes compare these trifles to
the heroic virtues, and that is because their enduring nature demands heroism.>
209 In my sufferings, I do not seek help from creatures, but God is everything to
me. And yet, it often seems that even the Lord does not hear me. I arm myself
with patience and silence, like a dove that does not complain and feels no
bitterness when its children are being taken away from it. I want to soar into the
very heat of the sun, and I do not want to stop in its vapors. I will not grow
weary, because it is on You that I am leaning-O You, my Strength!
210 I fervently beg the Lord to strengthen my faith, so that in my drab, everyday
life I will not be guided by human dispositions, but by those of the spirit. Oh,
how everything drags man towards the earth! But lively faith maintains the soul in
the higher regions and assigns self-love its proper place; that is to say, the lowest
one.
211 +Once again, a terrible darkness envelops my soul. It seems to me that I
am falling prey to illusions. When I went to confession to obtain some light and
peace, I did not find these at all. The confessor [66] left me with even more
doubts than I had before. He said to me, "I cannot discern what power is at
work in you, Sister; perhaps it is God and perhaps it is the evil spirit." When I
left the confessional, I started to think about his words. The longer I did so, the
deeper my soul sank into darkness. "Jesus, what am I to do?" When Jesus
approached me with kindness, I was frightened. "Are you really Jesus?" On the
one hand, I am drawn by love and, on the other, by fear. What torture! I cannot
describe it!
212 When I went to confession again, I got the answer, "I do not understand
you, Sister. It would be better if you did not come to me for confession." O my
God!... I have to do such violence to myself before I say anything about my
spiritual life, and here I am getting this answer: "Sister, I do not understand you"!
213 When I left the confessional, a multitude of torments oppressed me. I went
before the Blessed Sacrament and said, "Jesus, save me; You see how weak I
am!" Then I heard these words, I will give you help during the retreat before the
vows. Encouraged by these words, I began to go forward without asking
anyone's advice. But I distrusted myself so much that I made up my mind to put
an end to the doubts once and for all. I therefore looked forward with special
eagerness to the retreat before perpetual vows. But even for many days before
the retreat, I kept on asking God to give light to the priest who would hear my
confession, so that he could say, once and for all, either yes or no. And I
thought to myself, "I'll be set at peace once and for all." But I continued to worry
whether anyone would be willing to hear me out concerning all these matters.
And yet again, I decided not to think about all this and to put my trust in the
Lord. The words that continued to ring in my ears were: "during the retreat."
214 Everything is now ready. Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Cracow,
for the retreat. Today I entered the chapel to thank the Lord for the countless
graces He has bestowed on me during these five months. My heart was deeply
touched at the thought of so many graces and so much care on the part of the
superiors.
215 My daughter, be at peace; I am taking all these matters upon Myself. I will
arrange all things with your superiors and with the confessor. Speak to Father
Andrasz with the same simplicity and confidence with which you speak to Me.
216 We have come to Cracow today [April 18, 1933]. What a joy it is to find
myself again where I took my first steps in the spiritual life! Dear Mother
Directress [Mary Joseph] is ever the same, cheerful and full of love of neighbor.
I entered the chapel for a moment and joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the
whole ocean of graces that had been given me as a novice here.
217 And today we gathered together to go for an hour's visit to the novitiate.
The Mother Directress, Mary Joseph, gave us a short talk and outlined the
program of the retreat. As she spoke these few words to us, I saw before my
eyes all the good things this dear- Mother had done for us. I felt in my soul such
profound gratitude toward her. My heart grieved at the thought that this was the
last time I would be in the novitiate. Now I must battle together with Jesus,
work with Jesus, suffer with Jesus; in a word, live and die with Jesus. Mother
Directress will no longer be at my heels to teach me here, warn me there, or to
admonish, encourage or reproach me. I am so afraid of being on my own. Jesus,
do something about this. I will always have a superior, that's true; but now a
person is left more on her own. Cracow, April 21, 1933 + For the Greater Glory of God. The Eight-day Retreat before Perpetual Vows.
218 I am beginning the retreat today. Jesus, my Master, guide me. Govern me
according to Your will, purify my love that it may be worthy of You, do with me
as Your most merciful Heart desires. Jesus, there will be just the two of us
during these days until the moment of our union. Keep me, Jesus, in a
recollected spirit!
219 In the evening, the Lord said to me, My daughter, let nothing frighten or
disconcert you. Remain deeply at peace. Everything is in My hands. I will give
you to understand everything through Father Andrasz. Be like a child towards him. A Moment Before the Blessed Sacrament.
220 O my eternal Lord and Creator, how am I going to thank You for this great
favor; namely, that You have deigned to choose miserable me to be Your
betrothed and that You are to unite me to yourself in an eternal bond? O dearest
Treasure of my heart, I offer You all the adoration and thanksgiving of the Saints
and of all the choirs of Angels, and I unite myself in a special way with Your
Mother. O Mary, my Mother, I humbly beg of You, cover my soul with Your
virginal cloak at this very important moment of my life, so that thus I may
become dearer to Your Son and may worthily praise Your Son's mercy before
the whole world and throughout all eternity.
221 I could not understand the meditation today. My spirit was so
extraordinarily immersed in God. I could not force myself to think about what
the priest was saying during the retreat [conferences]. I am often unable to think
according to the points; my spirit is with the Lord, and that is my meditation.
222 A few words from my conference with Mother , Directress, Mary Joseph.
She clarified many things for me, and she set me at peace as regards my spiritual
life, reassuring me that I was on the right path. I thanked the Lord Jesus for this
great favor, for she is the first of the superiors who did not cause me any doubts
in this regard. Oh, how infinitely good God is!
223 O living Host, my one and only strength, fountain of love and mercy,
embrace the whole world, fortify faint souls. Oh, blessed be the instant and the
moment when Jesus left us His most merciful Heart!
224 To suffer without complaining, to bring comfort to others and to drown my
own sufferings in the most Sacred Heart of Jesus! I will spend all my free moments at the feet of [Our Lord in] the Blessed
Sacrament. At the feet of Jesus, I will seek light, comfort and strength. I will
show my gratitude unceasingly to God for His great mercy towards me, never
forgetting the favors He has bestowed on me, especially the grace of a vocation.
I will hide myself among the sisters like a little violet among lilies. I want to
blossom for my Lord and Maker, to forget about myself, to empty myself totally
for the sake of immortal souls-this is my delight. +A few of my thoughts.
225 As regards Holy Confession, I shall choose what costs and humiliates me
most. Sometimes a trifle costs more than something greater. I will call to mind
the Passion of Jesus at each confession, to arouse my heart to contrition. Insofar
as possible with the grace of God, I will always practice perfect contrition. I will
devote more time to this contrition. Before I approach the confessional, I shall
first enter the open and most merciful Heart of the Savior. When I leave the
confessional, I shall rouse in my soul great gratitude to the Holy Trinity for this
wonderful and inconceivable miracle of mercy that is wrought in my soul. And
the more miserable my soul is, the more I feel the ocean of God's mercy
engulfing me and giving me strength and great power.
226 The rules that I most often fail to obey: sometimes I break silence;
disobedience to the signal of the bell; sometimes I meddle in other people's
affairs. I will do my very best to improve. I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least
keep silent before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such
things. I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my
own conscience and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do
everything and act in all matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of
my death. For this reason, in every action I must be mindful of God. Avoid presumed permissions.[67] I must report [even] small things to my
superiors, and do so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my
spiritual exercises; I must not easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep
silence outside the time of recreation, and avoid jokes and witty words that
make others laugh and break silence. I must have great appreciation for even the
most minute rules. I must not let myself become absorbed in the whirl of work,
[but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with people, but a good
deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is for me
and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put
up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain
peace and equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments I must take
refuge in the wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and
affirmation in the wounds of Jesus.
227 +In the midst of trials I will try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as
constant as suffering-it always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I will
let no one surpass me in loving You! +O Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
228 You see that in pronouncing my perpetual vows I am leaving the
novitiate[68] today. Jesus, You know how weak and little I am, and so from
today on, I am entering Your novitiate in a very special way. I continue to be a
novice, but Your novice, Jesus, and You will be my Master to the last day.
Daily I will attend lectures at Your feet. I will not do the least thing by myself,
without consulting You first as my Master. Jesus, how happy I am that You
yourself have drawn me and taken me into Your novitiate; that is to say, into the
tabernacle. In making my perpetual vows, I have by no means become a perfect
nun. No, no! I am still a weak little novice of Jesus, and I must strive to acquire
perfection as I did in the first days of the novitiate, and I will make every effort
to keep the same disposition of soul which I had on that first day the convent
gate opened to admit me. With the trust and simplicity of a small child, I give myself to You today, O Lord
Jesus, my Master. I leave You complete freedom in directing my soul. Guide me
along the paths You wish. I won't question them. I will follow You trustingly.
Your merciful Heart can do all things! The little novice of Jesus-Sister Faustina.
229 +At the beginning of the retreat, Jesus told me, During this retreat, I myself
will direct your soul. I want to confirm you in peace and love. And so the first
few days passed by. On the fourth day, doubts began to trouble me: Is not this
tranquillity of mine false? Then I heard these words, My daughter, imagine that
you are the sovereign of all the world and have the power to dispose of all things
according to your good pleasure. You have the power to do all the good you
want, and suddenly a little child knocks on your door, all trembling and in tears
and, trusting in your kindness, asks for a piece of bread lest he die of starvation.
What would you do for this child? Answer Me, my daughter. And I said, "Jesus,
I would give the child all it asked and a thousand times more. "And the Lord
said to me, That is how I am treating your soul. In this retreat I am giving you,
not only peace, but also such a disposition of soul that even if you wanted to
experience uneasiness you could not do so. My love has taken possession of
your soul, and I want you to be confirmed in it. Bring your ear close to My
Heart, forget everything else, and meditate upon My wondrous mercy. My love
will give you the strength and courage you need in these matters.
230 Jesus, living Host, You are my Mother, You are my all! It is with simplicity
and love, with faith and trust that I will always come to You, O Jesus! I will
share everything with You, as a child with its loving mother, my joys and
sorrows-in a word, everything.
231 No one can comprehend what my heart feels when I meditate on the fact
that God unites me with himself through the vows. God makes known to me,
even now, the immensity of the love He already had for me before time began;
and as for me, I have just begun to love Him, in time. His love was [ever] great,
pure and disinterested, and my love for Him comes from the fact that I am
beginning to know Him. The more I come to know Him, the more ardently, the
more fiercely I love Him, and the more perfect my acts become. Meanwhile,
each time I call to mind that in a few days I am to become one with the Lord
through perpetual vows, a joy beyond all description floods my soul. From the
very first time that I came to know the Lord, the gaze of my soul became
drowned in Him for all eternity. Each time the Lord draws close to me and my
knowledge of Him grows deeper, a more perfect love grows within my soul.
232 +Before confession, I heard these words in my soul, My daughter, tell him
everything and reveal your soul to him as you do before Me. Do not fear
anything. It is to keep you in peace that I place this priest between your soul and
Myself. The words he will speak to you are My words. Reveal to him your
soul's greatest secrets. I will give him light to know your soul.
233 When I approached the confessional, I felt so much at ease in my soul
about speaking of everything that, later on, I myself was astounded. His answers
brought a great peace into my soul. His words were, are, and always will be
pillars of fire which enlightened and will go on enlightening my soul in its pursuit
of the greatest sanctity. The directions I received from Father Andrasz I have noted on another page in
this notebook [cf. Diary no. 55].
234 When I finished this confession, my spirit was immersed in God, and I
prayed for three hours, but it seemed to me like only a few minutes. Since then,
I have placed no obstacles in the way of grace working in my soul. Jesus knew
why I had been afraid to commune intimately with Him and was not at all
offended. From the moment the priest assured me that what I had experienced
was not an illusion, but the grace of God, I have tried to be faithful to God in
everything. I can see now that there are few such priests who understand the full
depth of God's work in the soul. Since then, my wings have been set free for
flight, and I yearn to soar into the very fire of the sun. My flight will not come to
an end until I rest in Him forever. When we fly very high, all the vapors, mists
and clouds are beneath our feet, and our whole carnal being is necessarily
subject to the spirit.
235 O Jesus, I long for the salvation of immortal souls. It is in sacrifice that my
heart will find free expression, in sacrifice which no one will suspect. I will burn
and be consumed unseen in the holy flames of the love of God. The presence of
God will help my sacrifice to be perfect and pure.
236 Oh, how misleading are appearances, and how unjust the judgments. Oh,
how often virtue suffers only because it remains silent. To be sincere with those
who are incessantly stinging us demands much self-denial. One bleeds, but there
are no visible wounds. O Jesus, it is only on the last day that many of these
things will be made known. What joy-none of our efforts will be lost!
237 Holy Hour. During this hour of adoration, I saw the abyss of my misery;
whatever there is of good in me is Yours, O Lord. But because I am so small
and wretched, I have a right to count on Your boundless mercy.
238 Evening. O Jesus, tomorrow morning I am to make my perpetual vows. I
had asked heaven and earth and had called upon all beings to thank God for this
immense and inconceivable favor of His when suddenly I heard these words,
My daughter, your heart is My heaven. Just a few moments of prayer and I have
to run, as they drive us out of everywhere; because every place-the chapel, the
refectory, the recreation room and the kitchen-is being made ready for
tomorrow, and we are to go to bed. However, sleep is out of the question. Joy
has driven sleep away. I thought: What is it going to be like in heaven, if already
here in exile God so fills my soul."
239 Prayer during the Mass on the day of the perpetual vows. Today I place
my heart on the paten where Your Heart has been placed, O Jesus, and today I
offer myself together with You to God, Your Father and mine, as a sacrifice of
love and praise. Father of Mercy, look upon the sacrifice of my heart, but
through the wound in the Heart of Jesus. May 1, 1933. First Day. Union with Jesus on the day of perpetual vows. Jesus, from now on Your Heart
is mine, and mine is Yours alone. The very thought of Your Name, Jesus, is the
delight of my heart. I truly would not be able to live without You, even for a
moment, Jesus. Today my soul has lost itself in You, my only treasure. My love
knows no obstacles in giving proof of itself to its Beloved. The words of Jesus during my perpetual vows: My spouse, our hearts are joined
forever. Remember to Whom you have vowed... everything cannot be put into
words. My petition while we were lying prostrate under the pall.[69] I begged the Lord
to grant me the grace of never consciously and deliberately offending Him by
even the smallest sin or imperfection. Jesus, I trust in You! Jesus, I love You with all my heart! When times are most difficult, You are my Mother. For love of You, O Jesus, I die completely to myself today and begin to live for
the greater glory of Your Holy Name. +Love, it is for love of You, O Most Holy Trinity, that I offer myself to You as
an oblation of praise, as a holocaust of total self-immolation. And through this
self-immolation, I desire the exaltation of Your Name, O Lord. I cast myself as
a little rosebud at Your feet, O Lord, and may the fragrance of this flower be
known to You alone.
240 Three requests on the day of my perpetual vows. Jesus, I know that today
You will refuse me nothing. First request: Jesus, my most beloved Spouse, I beg You for the triumph of the
Church, particularly in Russia and in Spain; for blessings on the Holy Father,
Pius XI, and on all the clergy; for the grace of conversion for impenitent sinners.
And I ask You for a special blessing and for light, O Jesus, for the priests before
whom I will make my confessions throughout my lifetime. Second request :I beg Your blessings on our Congregation, and may it be filled
with great zeal. Bless, O Jesus, our Mother General and our Mother Directress,
all the novices and all the superiors. Bless my dearest parents. Bestow Your
grace, O Jesus, on our wards; strengthen them so powerfully by Your grace so
that those who leave our houses will no longer offend You by any sin. Jesus, I
beg You for my homeland; protect it against the assaults of its enemies. Third request:Jesus, I plead with You for the souls that are most in need of
prayer. I plead for the dying; be merciful to them. I also beg You, Jesus, to free
all souls from purgatory. Jesus, I commend to You these particular persons: My confessors, persons
recommended to my prayers, a certain person..., Father Andrasz, Father
Czaputa, and the priest I met in Vilnius [Father Sopocko], who is to be my
confessor, a certain soul... a certain priest, a certain religious[70] to whom You
know how much I owe, Jesus, and all the people who have been recommended
to my prayer. Jesus, on this day You can do everything for those for whom I am
pleading. For myself I ask, Lord, transform me completely into Yourself,
maintain in me a holy zeal for Your glory, give me the grace and spiritual strength
to do Your holy will in all things. Thank You, o my dearest Bridegroom, for the dignity You have conferred on
me, and in particular for the royal coat-of-arms which will adorn me from this
day on and which even the Angels do not possess; namely, the cross, the sword
and the crown of thorns. But above all, O my Jesus, I thank You for Your
Heart-it is all I need. Mother of God, Most Holy Mary, my Mother, You are my Mother in a special
way now because Your beloved Son is my Bridegroom, and thus we are both
Your children. For Your Son's sake, You have to love me. O Mary, my dearest
Mother, guide my spiritual life in such a way that it will please Your Son. +Holy and Omnipotent God, at this moment of immense grace by which You
are uniting me with Yourself forever, I, mere nothingness, with the utmost
gratitude, cast myself at Your feet like a tiny, unknown flower and, each day, the
fragrance of that flower of love will ascend to Your throne. In times of struggle and suffering, of darkness and storm, of yearning and
sorrow, in times of difficult trials, in times when nobody will understand me,
when I will even be condemned and scorned by everyone, I will remember the
day of my perpetual vows, the day of God's incomprehensible grace. J.M.J. Special Resolutions of the Retreat, May 1, 1933
241 Love of neighbor. First: Helpfulness towards the sisters. Second: Do not
speak about those who are absent, and defend the good name of my neighbor.
Third: Rejoice in the success of others.
242 +O God, how much I desire to be a small child.[71] You are my Father,
and You know how little and weak I am. So I beg You, keep me close by Your
side all my life and especially at the hour of my death. Jesus, I know that Your
goodness surpasses the goodness of a most tender mother. 243 I will thank the Lord Jesus for every humiliation and will pray specially for
the person who has given me the chance to be humiliated. I will immolate myself
for the benefit of souls. I will not count the cost of any sacrifice. I will cast myself
beneath the feet of the sisters, like a carpet on which they can not only tread, but
also wipe their feet. My place is under the feet of the sisters. I will make every
effort to obtain that place unnoticed by others. It is enough that God sees this.
244 Now a gray, ordinary day has begun. The solemn hours of the perpetual
vows have passed, but God's great grace has remained in my soul. I feel I am all
God's; I feel I am His child, I feel I am wholly God's property. I experience this
in a way that can be physically sensed. I am completely at peace about
everything, because I know it is the Spouse's business to look after me. I have
forgotten about myself completely. My trust placed in His Most Merciful Heart
has no limit. I am continuously united with Him. It seems to me as though Jesus
could not be happy without me, nor could I without Him. Although I understand
that, being God, He is happy in himself and has absolutely no need of any
creature, still, His goodness compels Him to give himself to the creature, and
with a generosity which is beyond understanding.
245 My Jesus, I will now strive to give honor and glory to Your Name, doing
battle till the day on which You yourself will say, enough! Every soul You have
entrusted to me, Jesus, I will try to aid with prayer and sacrifice, so that Your
grace can work in them. O great lover of souls, my Jesus, I thank You for this
immense confidence with which You have deigned to place souls in our care. O
you days of work and of monotony, you are not monotonous to me at all, for
each moment brings me new graces and opportunity to do good. + [April] 25, 1933 Monthly Permissions[72]
246 To enter the chapel when I pass near it. To pray in my moments of leisure. To accept, give or lend small things. To have a mid-morning and an afternoon snack. Sometimes I will not be able to take part in recreation. Sometimes I will not be able to take part in community exercises. Sometimes I will not be able to take part in evening and morning prayers. Sometimes to remain at work a little longer after nine or to make my spiritual exercises after nine. To write down something or take notes when I have a free moment. To telephone. To go out of the house. To visit a church when I am in town. To enter other sisters' cells in case of need. To take a drink of water occasionally outside the prescribed times. Small Mortifications To recite the Chaplet of The Divine Mercy with outstretched arms. On Saturday, to say five decades of the Rosary with outstretched arms. To sometimes recite a prayer [while] lying prostrate. On Thursdays, a Holy Hour. On Fridays, some greater mortification for dying sinners.
247 Jesus, Friend of a lonely heart, You are my haven, You are my peace. You
are my salvation, You are my serenity in moments of struggle and amidst an
ocean of doubts. You are the bright ray that lights up the path of my life. You
are everything to a lonely soul. You understand the soul even though it remains
silent. You know our weaknesses, and like a good physician, You comfort and
heal, sparing us sufferings-expert that You are.
248 The words of the Bishop [Rospond[73]], spoken at the ceremony of the
taking of perpetual vows: "Accept this candle as a sign of heavenly light and of
burning love." While giving the ring: "I betroth you to Jesus Christ, the Son of the
Father Most High; may He keep you unblemished. Take this ring as a sign of the
eternal covenant you are making with Christ, the Spouse of Virgins. May it be
for you the ring of faith and the sign of the Holy Spirit, that you may be called
the bride of Christ and, if you serve Him faithfully, be crowned [as such] for all
eternity.
249 +Jesus, I trust in You; I trust in the ocean of your mercy. You are a Mother
to me.
250 +This year, 1933, is for me an especially solemn year, because in this
Jubilee Year of the Lord's Passion, I have taken my perpetual vows. I have
joined my sacrifice in a special way to the sacrifice of the crucified Jesus, in
order to thus become more pleasing to God. I do all things with Jesus, through
Jesus, in Jesus. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
251 After perpetual vows, I stayed in Cracow throughout the month of May,
because it was undecided whether I was to go to Rabka or to Vilnius. Once
Mother General [Michael] asked me, "Why are you sitting here so quietly and
not getting ready to go somewhere, Sister?" I answered, "I want to do God's
pure will; wherever you bid me to go, dear Mother, I will know God's pure will
for me will be there, without any admixture on my part." Mother General replied to this, "Very well!" The next day she summoned me
and said, "You wanted to have God's pure will, Sister; very well, then; you are
going to Vilnius." I thanked her and awaited the day when I would be told to go.
However, my soul was filled with a certain joy and fear, at one and the same
time. I felt that God was preparing great graces for me there, but also great
sufferings. Yet, I stayed on in Cracow until the 27th of May. As I had no regular
duties, I only went to help in the garden. And as it happened that I worked all
alone for the whole month, I was able to make a Jesuit retreat.[74] Although I
went to community recreation, I still managed to make the Jesuit retreat. I
received much light from God during this time.
252 +It was four days after my perpetual vows. I was trying to make a Holy
Hour. It was the first Thursday of the month. As soon as I entered the chapel,
God's presence enveloped me. I was distinctly aware that the Lord was near
me. After a moment, I saw the Lord, all covered with wounds; and He said to
me, Look at whom you have espoused. I understood the meaning of these
words and answered the Lord, "Jesus, I love You more when I see You
wounded and crushed with suffering like this than if I saw You in majesty." Jesus
asked, Why? I replied, "Great majesty terrifies me, little nothing that I am, and
Your wounds draw me to Your Heart and tell me of Your great love for me."
After this conversation there was silence. I fixed my gaze upon His sacred
wounds and felt happy to suffer with Him. I suffered, and yet I did not suffer,
because I felt happy to know the depth of His love, and the hour passed like a
minute.
253 +I must never judge anyone, but look at others with leniency and at myself
with severity. I must refer everything to God and, in my own eyes, recognize
myself for what I am: utter misery and nothingness. In suffering, I must be patient
and quiet, knowing that everything passes in time.
254 +The moments I lived through when I was taking my perpetual vows are
better left unsaid. I am in Him, and He in me. As the Bishop [Rospond] was putting the ring on my
finger, God pervaded my whole being, and since I cannot express that moment,
I will be silent about it. My relationship with God, since perpetual vows, has
been more intimate than it had ever been before. I sense that I love God and
that He loves me. Having once tasted God, my soul could not live without Him.
One hour spent at the foot of the altar in the greatest dryness of spirit is dearer
to me than a hundred years of worldly pleasures. I prefer to be a lowly drudge
in the convent than a queen in the world.
255 +I will hide from people's eyes whatever good I am able to do so that God
himself may be my reward. I will be like a tiny violet hidden in the grass, which
does not hurt the foot that treads on it, but diffuses its fragrance and, forgetting
itself completely, tries to please the person who has crushed it underfoot. This is
very difficult for human nature, but God's grace comes to one's aid.
256 +Thank You, Jesus, for the great favor of making known to me the whole
abyss of my misery. I know that I am an abyss of nothingness and that, if Your
holy grace did not hold me up, I would return to nothingness in a moment. And
so, with every beat of my heart, I thank You, my God, for Your great mercy
towards me.
257 Tomorrow I am to leave for Vilnius. Today, I went to confession to Father
Andrasz, this priest who is so filled with the spirit of God, who untied my wings
so that I could soar to the highest summits. He reassured me in everything and
told me to believe in Divine Providence. "Have confidence and walk ahead with
courage." An extraordinary, divine power came over me after that confession.
Father stressed that I must be faithful to God's grace and said, "No harm will
come to you if, in the future, you continue to keep this same simplicity and
obedience. Have confidence in God; you are on the right path and in good
hands, in God's hands."
258 +That evening, I remained in the chapel a little longer. I talked to the Lord
about a certain soul. Encouraged by His goodness, I said, "Jesus, you gave me
this Father who understands my inspirations, and now You are taking him away
from me again. What am I going to do in this Vilnius? I don't know anyone
there, and even the dialect of the people there is foreign to me." And the Lord
said to me, Do not fear; I will not leave you to yourself. My soul drowned itself
in a prayer of thanksgiving for all the graces that the Lord had granted me
through the mediation of Father Andrasz. Suddenly I remembered the vision in which I had seen that priest between the
confessional and the altar, trusting that I would meet him some day. And the
words I had heard came back vividly: He will help you to fulfill my will here on
earth.
259 Today, 27 [May 1933], I am leaving for Vilnius. When I came out of the
house, I looked at the garden and the house, and when I cast a glance at the
novitiate, tears suddenly ran down my cheeks. I remembered all the blessings
and graces bestowed on me by the Lord. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, I
saw the Lord by the flower bed, and He said to me, Do not weep; I am with
you always. God's presence, which enveloped me as Jesus was speaking,
accompanied me throughout the journey.
260 I had permission to visit Czestochowa while on my journey. I saw the
Mother of God [image] for the first time, when I went to attend the unveiling of
the image at five in the morning. I prayed without interruption until eleven, and it
seemed to me that I had just come. The superior of the house there [Mother
Serafin[75]] sent a sister for me, to tell me to come to breakfast and said she
was worried that I would miss my train. The Mother of God told me many
things. I entrusted my perpetual vows to Her. I felt that I was her child and that
She was my Mother. She did not refuse any of my requests.
261 +I am already in Vilnius today. A few scattered tiny huts make up the
convent. It seems a bit strange to me after the large buildings of Jozefow. There
are only eighteen sisters here. The house is small, but the community life is more
intimate. All the sisters received me very warmly, which was for me a great
encouragement to endure the hardships that lay ahead. Sister Justine had even
scrubbed the floor in anticipation of my arrival.
262 +When I went to Benediction, Jesus enlightened me on how I was to
conduct myself in respect to certain persons. I clung with all my might to the
most sweet Heart of Jesus, knowing how much I would be exposed to external
distractions because of the work I would be doing here in the garden, where I
necessarily would be in close contact with lay persons.
263 +The week for confession came and, to my great joy, I saw the priest I had
known before coming to Vilnius. [That is to say,] I had known him by seeing
him in a vision. At that moment, I heard these words in my soul: This is My
faithful servant; he will help you to fulfill My will here on earth. Yet, I did not
open myself to him as the Lord wished. And for some time I struggled against
grace. During each confession, God's grace penetrated me in a very special
way, yet I did not reveal my soul before him, and I had the intention of not going
to confession to that priest. After this decision, a terrible anxiety entered my
soul. God reproached me severely. When I did lay bare my soul completely to
this priest, Jesus poured an ocean of graces into it. Now I understand what it
means to be faithful to a particular grace. That one grace draws down a whole
series of others.
264 +O my Jesus, keep me near to You! See how weak I am! I cannot go a
step forward by myself; so You, Jesus, must stand by me constantly like a
mother by a helpless child-and even more so.
265 Days of work, of struggle and of suffering have begun. Everything continued
according to the convent routine. One is always a novice, having to learn many
things and to get to know about many things, because although the rule is the
same, each house has its own customs; and thus, each change is a little novitiate. August 5, 1933. The Feast of Our Lady of Mercy.
266 Today I received a great and incomprehensible grace, a purely interior one,
for which I will be grateful to God throughout this life and in eternity...
267 Jesus told me that I please Him best by meditating on His sorrowful
Passion, and by such meditation much light falls upon my soul. He who wants to
learn true humility should reflect upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate
upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a clear understanding of many things I could not
comprehend before. I want to resemble You, O Jesus,-You crucified, tortured
and humiliated. Jesus, imprint upon my heart and soul Your own humility. I love
You, Jesus, to the point of madness, You who were crushed with suffering as
described by the prophet [cf. Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not see the human
form in You because of Your great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus, that I
love You to the point of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love
done to You?...
268 October 11, 1933.-Thursday.-I tried to make a Holy Hour, but began it
with great difficulty. A certain yearning started to tear at my heart. My mind was
dimmed so that I could not understand the simplest forms of prayer. And so
passed by an hour of prayer, or rather of struggle. I resolved to pray for a
second hour, but my inner sufferings increased-great dryness and
discouragement. I resolved to pray for a third hour. In the third hour, which I
resolved to spend kneeling without any support, my body started to clamor for
rest. But I in no way relented. I stretched out my arms and, though I spoke no
words, I persisted by sheer will. After a while, I took the ring off my finger and
asked Jesus to look at the ring, that sign of our eternal union, and I offered Jesus
the feelings I had had on the day of perpetual vows. After a while, I feel my
heart inundated with a wave of love. A sudden recollection of spirit, the senses
quiet down, and God's presence pervades my soul. I know only this: that it is
Jesus and I. I saw Him just as He had appeared to me in that instant after my
perpetual vows, when I was likewise making a Holy Hour. Jesus was suddenly
standing before me, stripped of His clothes, His body completely covered with
wounds, His eyes flooded with tears and blood, His face disfigured and covered
with spittle. The Lord then said to me, The bride must resemble her Betrothed. I
understood these words to their very depth. There is no room for doubt here.
My likeness to Jesus must be through suffering and humility. See what love of
human souls has done to Me. My daughter, in your heart I find everything that
so great a number of souls refuses Me. Your heart is My repose. I often wait
with great graces until towards the end of prayer.
269 Once, when I had finished a novena to the Holy Spirit for the intention of
my confessor [Father Sopocko], the Lord answered, I made him known to you
even before your superiors had sent you here. As you will act towards your
confessor, so I will act toward you. If you conceal something from him, even
though it be the least of My graces, I too will hide myself from you, and you will
remain alone. And so I followed God's wish, and a deep peace filled my soul.
Now I understand how the Lord defends confessors and how He protects them. Advice of the Rev. Dr. Sopocko.
270 Without humility, we cannot be pleasing to God. Practice the third degree
of humility;[76] that is, not only must one refrain from explaining and defending
oneself when reproached with something, but one should rejoice at the humiliation. If the things you are telling me really come from God, prepare your soul for
great suffering. You will encounter disapproval and persecution. They will look
upon you as a hysteric and an eccentric, but the Lord will lavish His graces upon
you. True works of God always meet opposition and are marked by suffering. If
God wants to accomplish something, sooner or later He will do so in spite of the
difficulties. Your part, in the meantime, is to arm yourself with great patience.
271 When the Rev. Dr. Sopocko went to the Holy Land, Father Dabrowski,
S.J., was the community's confessor. During one confession he asked me if I
was aware of the high degree of [spiritual] life that was present in my soul. I
answered that I was aware of it and knew what was going on within me. To this
the Father replied, "You must not destroy what is going on in your soul, Sister,
nor must you change anything on your own. It is not in every soul that the
beautiful gift of a higher interior life is manifest as it is in your case, Sister, for it is
manifest in an immense degree. Be careful not to waste these great graces of
God; a great..."[Here the thought breaks off.]
272 But previously, this priest had put me through many trials. When I told him
that the Lord wanted these things of me [that is, the painting of the image, the
establishing of a feast of The Divine Mercy, and the founding of a new
community], he laughed at me and told me to come to confession at eight in the
evening. When I came at eight, a brother was already locking the church. When
I told him that Father had ordered me to come at that time and asked him to let
Father know I was there, the good brother went to let him know. Father told
him to tell me that priests do not hear confessions at that time of day. I returned
home emptyhanded and did not go to confession to him again, but I made a
whole hour's adoration and took on certain mortifications for him, that he might
obtain light from God in order to know souls. But when Father Sopocko left,
and he substituted for him, I was forced to go to confession to him. Yet, while
previously he had been unwilling to acknowledge these inner inspirations, he
now put me under obligation to be faithful to them. God lets such things happen
sometimes, but may He be glorified in everything. Still, it requires much grace
not to falter. Annual Retreat. January 10, 1934.
273 My Jesus, again the moment approaches when I will be alone with You.
Jesus, I ask You with all my heart, let me know what there is in me that
displeases You and also let me know what I should do to become more
pleasing to You. Do not refuse me this favor and be with me. I know that
without You, Lord, all my efforts will not amount to much. Oh, how I rejoice at
Your greatness, O Lord! The more I come to know You, the more ardently I
yearn for You and sigh after You!
274 Jesus gave me the grace of knowing myself. In this divine light I see my
principal fault; it is pride which takes the form of my closing up within myself and
of a lack of simplicity in my relations with Mother Superior [Irene]. The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could
be settled in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it.
But Jesus wants me to use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for
the souls in purgatory. And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on
the day of judgment. The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions
that lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule
were written just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act,
as long as I myself act as God wishes. Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will
immediately go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and
frankness in my relations with the superior.
275 Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive
to make the interior of my soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In difficult
and painful moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for bottomless
is the abyss of my trust in You and in Your mercy!
276 From the moment I came to love suffering, it ceased to be a suffering for
me. Suffering is the daily food of my soul.
277 I will not speak with a certain person, because I know that Jesus does not
like it and that she does not profit by it.
278 At the feet of the Lord. Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life,
Divine Madman, in that You forget yourself and see only us. Before creating
heaven and earth, You carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth
of Your abasement, O mystery of happiness, why do so few people know You?
Why is Your love not returned? O Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty?
O Infinite One beyond all understanding, the more I know You the less I
comprehend You; but because I cannot comprehend You, I better comprehend
Your greatness. I do not envy the Seraphim their fire, for I have a greater gift
deposited in my heart. They admire You in rapture, but Your Blood mingles
with mine. Love is heaven given us already here on earth. Oh, why do You hide
in faith? Love tears away the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul, for
You yourself have drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and
glory be to You, O Indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
279 God made known to me what true love consists in and gave light to me
about how, in practice, to give proof of it to Him. True love of God consists in
carrying out God's will. To show God our love in what we do, all our actions,
even the least, must spring from our love of God. And the Lord said to me, My
child, you please Me most by suffering. In your physical as well as your mental
sufferings, My daughter, do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the
fragrance of your suffering to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach
yourself, not only from creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to
delight in the love of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished.
The more you will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for
Me will be.
280 Jesus commanded me to celebrate the Feast of God's Mercy on the first
Sunday after Easter. [This I did] through interior recollection and exterior
mortification, wearing the belt for three hours and praying continuously for
sinners and for mercy on the whole world. And Jesus said to me, My eyes rest
with pleasure upon this house today.
281 I feel certain that my mission will not come to an end upon my death, but
will begin. O doubting souls, I will draw aside for you the veils of heaven to
convince you of God's goodness, so that you will no longer continue to wound
with your distrust the sweetest Heart of Jesus. God is Love and Mercy.
282 Once the Lord said to me, My Heart was moved by great mercy towards
you, My dearest child, when I saw you torn to shreds because of the great pain
you suffered in repenting for your sins. I see your love, so pure and true that I
give you first place among the virgins. You are the honor and glory of My
Passion. I see every abasement of your soul, and nothing escapes my attention. I
lift up the humble even to my very throne, because I want it so. God, One in the Holy Trinity.
283 I want to love You as no human soul has ever loved You before; and
although I am utterly miserable and small, I have nevertheless cast the anchor of
my trust deep down into the abyss of Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In
spite of my great misery I fear nothing, but hope to sing You a hymn of glory for
ever. Let no soul, even the most miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one
is alive, each one can become a great saint, so great is the power of God's
grace. It remains only for us not to oppose God's action.
284 O Jesus, if only I could become like mist before Your eyes, to cover the
earth so that You would not see its terrible crimes. Jesus, when I look at the
world and its indifference towards You, again and again it brings tears to my
eyes; but when I look at a cold soul of a religious, my heart bleeds.
285 1934. Once, when I returned to my cell, I was so tired that I had to rest a
moment before I started to undress, and when I was already undressed, one of
the sisters asked me to fetch her some hot water. Although I was tired, I
dressed quickly and brought her the water she wanted, even though it was quite
a long walk from the cell to the kitchen, and the mud was ankle-deep. When I
re-entered my cell, I saw the ciborium with the Blessed Sacrament, and I heard
this voice, Take this ciborium and bring it to the tabernacle. I hesitated at first,
but when I approached and touched it, I heard these words, Approach each of
the sisters with the same love with which you approach Me; and whatever you
do for them, you do it for Me. A moment later, I saw that I was alone.
286 +Once, after an adoration for our country, a pain pierced my soul, and I
began to pray in this way: "Most merciful Jesus, I beseech You through the
intercession of Your Saints, and especially the intercession of Your dearest
Mother who nurtured You from childhood, bless my native land. I beg You,
Jesus, look not on our sins, but on the tears of little children, on the hunger and
cold they suffer. Jesus, for the sake of these innocent ones, grant me the grace
that I am asking of You for my country." At that moment, I saw the Lord Jesus,
His eyes filled with tears, and He said to me, You see, My daughter, what great
compassion I have for them. Know that it is they who uphold the world.
287 +My Jesus, when I look at this life of souls, I see that many of them serve
You with some mistrust. At certain times, especially when there is an
opportunity to show their love for God, I see them running away from the
battlefield. And once Jesus said to me, Do you, my child, also want to act like
that? I answered the Lord, "Oh, no, my Jesus, I will not retreat from the
battlefield, even if mortal sweat breaks out on my brow; I will not let the sword
fall from my hand until I rest at the feet of the Holy Trinity!" Whatever I do, I do
not rely on my own strength, but on God's grace. With God's grace a soul can
overcome the greatest difficulties.
288 +Once when I was having a long talk with Jesus about our students,
encouraged by His kindness, I asked Him, "Do You have among our students
any who are a comfort to Your Heart?" The Lord answered [that] He has, but
their love is weak, and so I put them in your special care-pray for them. O great God, I admire Your goodness! You are the Lord of heavenly hosts, and
yet You stoop so low to Your miserable creatures. Oh, how ardently I desire to
love You with every beat of my heart! The whole extent of the earth is not
enough for me, heaven is too small, and boundless space is nothing; You alone
are enough for me, Eternal God! You alone can fill the depths of my soul.
289 My happiest moments are when I am alone with my Lord. During these
moments I experience the greatness of God and my own misery. Once, Jesus said to me, Do not be surprised that you are sometimes unjustly
accused. I myself first drank this cup of undeserved suffering for love of you.
290 Once, when I was deeply moved by the thought of eternity and its
mysteries, my soul became fearful; and when I pondered about these a little
longer, I started to be troubled by various doubts. Then Jesus said to me, My
child, do not be afraid of the house of your Father. Leave these vain inquiries to
the wise of this world. I want to see you always as a little child. Ask your
confessor about everything with simplicity, and I will answer you through his lips.
291 On a certain occasion, I saw a person about to commit a mortal sin. I
asked the Lord to send me the greatest torments so that that soul could be
saved. Then I suddenly felt the terrible pain of a crown of thorns on my head. It
lasted for quite a long time, but that person remained in the Lord's grace. 0 my
Jesus, how very easy it is to become holy; all that is needed is a bit of good will.
If Jesus sees this little bit of good will in the soul, He hurries to give himself to the
soul, and nothing can stop Him, neither shortcomings nor falls-absolutely
nothing. Jesus is anxious to help that soul, and if it is faithful to this grace from
God, it can very soon attain the highest holiness possible for a creature here on
earth. God is very generous and does not deny His grace to anyone. Indeed He
gives more than what we ask of Him. Faithfulness to the inspirations of the Holy
Spirit-that is the shortest route.
292 +When a soul loves God sincerely, it ought not fear anything in the spiritual
life. Let it subject itself to the action of grace, and let it not impose any restraints
on itself in communing with the Lord. 293 +When Jesus ravished me by His beauty and drew me to Himself, I then
saw what in my soul was displeasing to Him and made up my mind to remove it,
cost what it may; and aided by the grace of God I did remove it at once. This
magnanimity pleased the Lord, and from that moment God started granting me
higher graces. In my interior life I never reason; I do not analyze the ways in
which God's Spirit leads me. It is enough for me to know that I am loved and
that I love. Pure love enables me to know God and understand many mysteries.
My confessor is an oracle for me. His word is sacred to me-I am speaking
about the spiritual director [Father Sopocko].
294 +Once the Lord said to me, Act like a beggar who does not back away
when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but offers thanks the more
fervently. You too should not back away and say that you are not worthy of
receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I know you are unworthy, but
rejoice all the more and take as many treasures from My Heart as you can
carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will tell you one more thing: Take
these graces not only for yourself, but also for others; that is, encourage the
souls with whom you come in contact to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I
love those souls who have complete confidence in Me. I will do everything for
them.
295 +At that moment Jesus asked me, My child, how is your retreat going? I
answered, "But Jesus, You know how it is going." Yes, I know, but I want to
hear it from your own lips and from your heart. "O my Master, when You are
leading me, everything goes smoothly, and I ask You, Lord, to never leave my
side." And Jesus said, Yes, I will be with you always, if you always remain a
little child and fear nothing. As I was your beginning here, so I will also be your
end. Do not rely on creatures, even in the smallest things, because this
displeases Me. I want to be alone in your soul. I will give light and strength to
your soul, and you will learn from My representative that I am in you, and your
uncertainty will vanish like mist before the rays of the sun.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to love You as no one on earth has ever loved
You before! I want to adore You with every moment of my life and unite my will
closely to Your holy will. My life is not drab or monotonous, but it is varied like
a garden of fragrant flowers, so that I don't know which flower to pick first, the
lily of suffering or the rose of love of neighbor or the violet of humility. I will not
enumerate these treasures in which my every day abounds. It is a great thing to
know how to make use of the present moment.
297 +Jesus, Supreme Light, grant me the grace of knowing myself, and pierce
my dark soul with Your light, and fill the abyss of my soul with Your own self,
for You alone [...]
298 O my Jesus, the Life, the Way and the Truth, I beg You to keep me close
to You as a mother holds a baby to her bosom, for I am not only a helpless
child, but an accumulation of misery and nothingness. +The Mystery of the Soul. Vilnius, 1934
299 When, on one occasion, my confessor told me to ask the Lord Jesus the
meaning of the two rays in the image,[77] I answered, "Very well, I will ask the Lord." During prayer I heard these words within me: The two rays denote Blood and
Water. The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red
ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls... These two rays issued forth from the very depths of My tender mercy when My
agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. These rays shield souls from the wrath of My Father. Happy is the one who will
dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him. I desire
that the first Sunday after Easter be the Feast of Mercy.
300 +Ask of my faithful servant [Father Sopocko] that, on this day, he tell the
whole world of My great mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on
this day will be granted complete remission of sins and punishment. +Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy. +Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul's distrust! Such a soul professes that I am
Holy and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My
Goodness. Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness. My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
301 Proclaim that mercy is the greatest attribute of God. All the works of My
hands are crowned with mercy.
302 +O Eternal Love, I want all the souls You have created to come to know
You. I would like to be a priest, for then I would speak without cease about
Your mercy to sinful souls drowned in despair. I would like to be a missionary
and carry the light of faith to savage nations in order to make You known to
souls, and to be completely consumed for them and to die a martyr's death, just
as You died for them and for me. O Jesus, I know only too well that I can be a
priest, a missionary, a preacher, and that I can die a martyr's death by
completely emptying myself and denying myself for love of You, O Jesus, and of
immortal souls.
303 Great love can change small things into great ones, and it is only love which
lends value to our actions. And the purer our love becomes, the less there will
be within us for the flames of suffering to feed upon, and the suffering will cease
to be a suffering for us; it will become a delight! By the grace of God, I have
received such a disposition of heart that I am never so happy as when I suffer
for Jesus, whom I love with every beat of my heart. Once when I was suffering greatly, I left my work and escaped to Jesus and
asked Him to give me His strength. After a very short prayer I returned to my
work filled with enthusiasm and joy. Then, one of the sisters [probably Sister
Justine] said to me, "You must have many consolations today, Sister; you look
so radiant. Surely, God is giving you no suffering, but only consolations." "You
are greatly mistaken, Sister," I answered, "for it is precisely when I suffer much
that my joy is greater; and when I suffer less, my joy also is less." However, that
soul was letting me recognize that she does not understand what I was saying. I
tried to explain to her that when we suffer much we have a great chance to show
God that we love Him; but when we suffer little we have less occasion to show
God our love; and when we do not suffer at all, our love is then neither great nor
pure. By the grace of God, we can attain a point where suffering will become a
delight to us, for love can work such things in pure souls.
304 +O my Jesus, my only hope, thank You for the book which You have
opened before my soul's eyes. That book is Your Passion which You
underwent for love of me. It is from this book that I have learned how to love
God and souls. In this book there are found for us inexhaustible treasures. O
Jesus, how few souls understand You in Your martyrdom of love! Oh, how
great is the fire of purest love which burns in Your Most Sacred Heart! Happy
the soul that has come to understand the love of the Heart of Jesus!
305 It is my greatest desire that souls should recognize You as their eternal
happiness, that they should come to believe in Your goodness and glorify Your
infinite mercy.
306 I asked the Lord to grant me the grace that my nature be immune and resist
the influences that sometimes try to draw me away from the spirit of our rule and
from the minor regulations. These minor transgressions are like little moths that
try to destroy the spiritual life within us, and they surely will destroy it if the soul
is aware of these minor transgressions and yet disregards them as small things. I
can see nothing that is small in the religious life. Little matter if I am sometimes
the object of vexation and jeers, as long as my spirit remains in harmony with the
spirit of the rules, the vows and the religious statutes. O my Jesus, delight of my heart, You know my desires. I should like to hide
from people's sight so as to be like one alive and yet not living. I want to live
pure as a wild flower; I want my love always to be turned to You, just as a
flower that is always turning to the sun. I want the fragrance and the freshness of
the flower of my heart to be always preserved for You alone. I want to live
beneath Your divine gaze, for You alone are enough for me. When I am with
You, Jesus, I fear nothing, for nothing can do me harm.
307 + 1934. Once during Lent, I saw a great light and a great darkness over
house and chapel. I saw the struggle of these two powers...
308 1934, Holy Thursday. Jesus said to me, I desire that you make an offering
of yourself for sinners and especially far those souls who have lost hope in God's
mercy. God and Souls. An Act of Oblation.
309 Before heaven and earth, before all the choirs of Angels, before the Most
Holy Virgin Mary, before all the Powers of heaven, I declare to the One Triune
God that today, in union with Jesus Christ, Redeemer of souls, I make a
voluntary offering of myself for the conversion of sinners, especially for those
souls who have lost hope in God's mercy. This offering consists in my accepting,
with total subjection to God's will, all the sufferings, fears and terrors with which
sinners are filled. In return, I give them all the consolations which my soul
receives from my communion with God. In a word, I offer everything for them:
Holy Masses, Holy Communions, penances, mortifications, prayers. I do not
fear the blows, blows of divine justice, because I am united with Jesus. O my
God, in this way I want to make amends to You for the souls that do not trust in
Your goodness. I hope against all hope in the ocean of Your mercy. My Lord
and my God, my portion-my portion forever, I do not base this act of oblation
on my own strength, but on the strength that flows from the merits of Jesus
Christ. I will daily repeat this act of self-oblation by pronouncing the following
prayer which You yourself have taught me, Jesus: "O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a Fount of
Mercy for us, I trust in You!" S. M. Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament Holy Thursday, during Holy Mass, March 29, 1934.
310 - I am giving you a share in the redemption of mankind. You are solace in
My dying hour.
311 When I received permission from my confessor [Father Sopocko] to make
this act of oblation, I soon learned that it was pleasing to God, because I
immediately began to experience its effects. In a moment my soul became like a
stone-dried up, filled with torment and disquiet. All sorts of blasphemies and
curses kept pressing upon my ears. Distrust and despair invaded my heart. This
is the condition of the poor people, which I have taken upon myself. At first, I
was very much frightened by these horrible things, but during the first
[opportune] confession, I was set at peace.
312 +Once when I went outside the convent to go to confession [St. Michael's
Church], I chanced upon my confessor [Father Sopocko] saying Mass just
then. After a while I saw the Child Jesus on the altar, joyfully and playfully
holding out His hands to him. But a moment later the priest took the beautiful
Child into his hands, broke Him up and ate Him alive. At the first instant I felt a
dislike for the priest for having done this to Jesus, but I was immediately
enlightened in the matter and understood that this priest was very pleasing to
God.
313 +Once, when I was visiting the artist [Eugene Kazimirowski] who was
painting the image, and saw that it was not as beautiful as Jesus is, I felt very sad
about it, but I hid this deep in my heart. When we had left the artist's house,
Mother Superior [Irene] stayed in town to attend to some matters while I
returned home alone. I went immediately to the chapel and wept a good deal. I
said to the Lord, "Who will paint You as beautiful as You are?" Then I heard
these words: Not in the beauty of the color, nor of the brush lies the greatness of
this image, but in My grace.
314 +When I went to the garden one afternoon, my Guardian Angel said to me,
"Pray for the dying." And so I began at once to pray the rosary with the
gardeners for the dying. After the rosary, we said various prayers for the dying.
After the prayers, the wards began to chat gayly among themselves. In spite of
the noise they were making, I heard these words in my soul: "Pray for me!" But
as I could not understand these words very well, I moved a few steps away
from the wards, trying to think who it could be who was asking me to pray.
Then I heard the words: "I am Sister ...."[78] This sister was in Warsaw while I
was, at the time, in Vilnius. "Pray for me until I tell you to stop. I am dying."
Immediately, I began to pray fervently for her, [addressing myself] to the
expiring Heart of Jesus. She gave me no respite, and I kept praying from three
[o'clock] until five. At five, I heard the words: "Thank you!" and I understood
that she had died. But during Holy Mass on the following day, I continued to
pray fervently for her soul. In the afternoon, a postcard came saying that Sister
... had died at such and such a time. I understood that it was at the same hour
when she had said to me, "Pray for me."
315 +Mother of God, Your soul was plunged into a sea of bitterness; look upon
Your child and teach her to suffer and to love while suffering. Fortify my soul
that pain will not break it. Mother of grace, teach me to live by [the power of]
God.
316 Once, the Mother of God came to visit me. She was sad. Her eyes were
cast down. She made it clear that She wanted to say something, and yet, on the
other hand, it was as if She did not want to speak to me about it. When I
understood this, I began to beg the Mother of God to tell me and to look at me.
Just then Mary looked at me with a warm smile and said, You are going to
experience certain sufferings because of an illness and the doctors; you will also
suffer much because of the image, but do not be afraid of anything. The next day
I fell ill and suffered a great deal, just as the Mother of God had told me. But my
soul was ready for the sufferings. Suffering is a constant companion of my life.
317 O my God, my only hope, I have placed all my trust in You, and I know I
shall not be disappointed.
318 I often feel God's presence after Holy Communion in a special and tangible
way. I know God is in my heart. And the fact that I feel Him in my heart does
not interfere with my duties. Even when I am dealing with very important matters
which require attention, I do not lose the presence of God in my soul, and I am
closely united with Him. With Him I go to work, with Him I go for recreation,
with Him I suffer, with Him I rejoice; I live in Him and He in me. I am never
alone, because He is my constant companion. He is present to me at every
moment. Our intimacy is very close, through a union of blood and of life.
319 August 9, 1934. Night adoration on Thursdays.[79] I made my hour of
adoration from eleven o'clock till midnight. I offered it for the conversion of
hardened sinners, especially for those who have lost hope in God's mercy. I was
reflecting on how much God had suffered and on how great was the love He
had shown for us, and on the fact that we still do not believe that God loves us
so much. O Jesus, who can understand this? What suffering it is for our Savior!
How can He convince us of His love if even His death cannot convince us? I
called upon the whole of heaven to join me in making amends to the Lord for
the ingratitude of certain souls.
320 Jesus made known to me how very pleasing to Him were prayers of
atonement. He said to me, The prayer of a humble and loving soul disarms the
anger of My Father and draws down an ocean of blessings. After the adoration,
half way to my cell, I was surrounded by a , pack of huge black dogs who were
jumping and howling and trying to tear me to pieces. I realized that they were
not dogs, but demons. One of them spoke up in a rage, "Because you have
snatched so many souls away from us this night, we will tear you to pieces." I
answered, "If that is the will of the most merciful God, tear me to pieces, for I
have justly deserved it, because I am the most miserable of all sinners, and God
is ever holy, just, and infinitely merciful." To these words all the demons
answered as one, "Let us flee, for she is not alone; the Almighty is with her!"
And they vanished like dust, like the noise of the road, while I continued on my
way to my cell undisturbed, finishing my Te Deum and pondering the infinite and
unfathomable mercy of God. August 12, 1934.
321 A sudden illness-a mortal suffering. It was not death, that is to say, a
passing over to real life, but a taste of the sufferings of death. Although it gives
us eternal life, death is dreadful. Suddenly, I felt sick, I gasped for breath, there
was darkness before my eyes, my limbs grew numb-and there was a terrible
suffocation. Even a moment of such suffocation is extremely long.... There also
comes a strange fear, in spite of trust. I wanted to receive the last sacraments,
but it was extremely difficult to make a confession even though I desired to do
so. A person does not know what he is saying; not finishing one thing, he begins
another. Oh, may God keep every soul from delaying confession until the last hour! I
understood the great power of the priest's words when they are poured out
upon the sick person's soul. When I asked my spiritual father whether I was
ready to stand before the Lord and whether I could be at peace, I received the
reply, "You can be completely at peace, not only right now but after each
weekly confession." Great is the divine grace that accompanies these words of
the priest. The soul feels power and courage for battle.
322 O my Congregation, my mother, how sweet it is to live in you, but it is even
better to die in you!
323 After I received the last sacraments, there was a definite improvement. I
remained alone. This lasted for half an hour and then came another attack; but
this one was not so strong, as the doctor intervened. I united my sufferings with the sufferings of Jesus and offered them for myself
and for the conversion of souls who do not trust in the goodness of God.
Suddenly, my cell was filled with black figures full of anger and hatred for me.
One of them said, "Be damned, you and He who is within you, for you are
beginning to torment us even in hell." As soon as I said, "And the Word was
made flesh and dwelt among us," the figures vanished in a sudden whir.
324 The next day, I felt very weak, but experienced no further suffering. After
Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus just as I had seen Him during one
adoration. The Lord's gaze pierced my soul through and through, and not even
the least speck of dust escaped His notice. And I said to Jesus, "Jesus, I thought
You were going to take me. "And Jesus answered, My will has not yet been
fully accomplished in you; you will still remain on earth, but not for long. I am
well pleased with your trust, but your love should be more ardent. Pure love
gives the soul strength at the very moment of dying. When I was dying on the
cross, I was not thinking about Myself, but about poor sinners, and I prayed for
them to My Father. I want your last moments to be completely similar to Mine
on the cross. There is but one price at which souls are bought, and that is
suffering united to My suffering on the cross. Pure love understands these
words; carnal love will never understand them.
325 1934. On the day of the Assumption of the Mother of God, I did not assist
at Holy Mass. The woman doctor[80] did not allow me; but I prayed fervently
in my cell. After a short time, I saw the Mother of God, unspeakably beautiful.
She said to me, My daughter, what I demand from you is prayer, prayer, and
once again prayer, for the world and especially for your country. For nine days
receive Holy Communion in atonement and unite yourself closely to the Holy
Sacrifice of the Mass. During these nine days you will stand before God as an
offering; always and everywhere, at all times and places, day or night, whenever
you wake up, pray in the spirit. In spirit, one can always remain in prayer.
326 Once, Jesus said to me, My gaze from this image is like My gaze from the
cross.
327 Once, my confessor [Father Sopocko] asked me where the inscription
should be placed, because there was not enough space in the picture for
everything. I answered, "I will pray and give you an answer next week." When I
left the confessional and was passing before the Blessed Sacrament, I received
an inner understanding about the inscription. Jesus reminded me of what He had
told me the first time; namely, that these three words must be clearly in evidence:
"Jesus, I trust in You. "["Jezu, Ufam Tobie.'] I understood that Jesus wanted the
whole formula to be there, but He gave no direct orders to this effect as He did
for these three words. I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to
the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: "Jesus, I trust
in You."
328 O purest Love, rule in all Your plenitude in my heart and help me to do
Your holy will most faithfully!
329 Toward the end of a three-day retreat, I saw myself walking along a rough
path. I kept stumbling continually, and I saw following me the figure of a person
who kept supporting me. I was not happy with this and asked the person to
leave me alone, as I wanted to walk on my own. But the figure, whom I could
not recognize, did not leave me for a moment. I got impatient and turned around
and pushed the person away from me. At that moment I saw that it was Mother
Superior [Irene], and at the same moment I saw that it was not Mother
Superior, but the Lord Jesus who looked deeply into me and gave me to
understand how painful it was to Him when I did not, even in the smallest things,
do my superior's will, which is My will, [He said]. I asked pardon of the Lord
and took the warning very much to heart.
330 +Once, the confessor told me to pray for his intention, and I began a
novena to the Mother of God. This novena consisted in the prayer, "Hail, Holy
Queen," recited nine times. Toward the end of the novena I saw the Mother of
God with the Infant Jesus in Her arms, and I also saw my confessor kneeling at
Her feet and talking with Her. I did not understand what he was saying to Her,
because I was busy talking with the Infant Jesus, who came down from His
Mother's arms and approached me. I could not stop wondering at His beauty. I
heard a few of the words that the Mother of God spoke to him [i.e., my
confessor] but not everything. The words were: I am not only the Queen of
Heaven, but also the Mother of Mercy and your Mother. And at that moment
She stretched out her right hand, in which She was clasping her mantle, and She
covered the priest with it. At that moment, the vision vanished.
331 Oh, how great a grace it is to have a spiritual director! One makes more
rapid progress in virtue, sees the will of God more clearly, fulfills it more
faithfully, and follows a road that is sure and free of dangers. The director
knows how to avoid the rocks against which the soul could be shattered. The
Lord gave me this grace rather late, to be sure, but I rejoice in it greatly, seeing
how God inclines His will to my director's wishes. I will mention just one
incident out of a thousand that have happened to me. As I usually do, I asked
the Lord Jesus one evening to give me the points for next day's meditation. I
received the answer: Meditate on the Prophet Jonah and his mission. I thanked
the Lord, but began to think within myself of how different that subject was from
the others. But with all my soul I strove to meditate about it, and I recognized
myself in the person of the prophet, in the sense that often I, too, try to make
excuses to the Lord, claiming that someone else would do His holy will better
[than I could], and not understanding that God can do all things and that His
omnipotence will be all the more manifest if the tool is poorer. God made this
clear to me in the following way. That afternoon, there was confession for the
community. When I presented to the director of my soul the fear that seized me
because of this mission for which God was using me, clumsy tool that I was, my
spiritual father answered that, willing or not, we must carry out the will of God,
and he gave me the Prophet Jonah as an example. After the confession, I
wondered how the confessor knew that God had told me to meditate about
Jonah; surely I myself had not told him. Then I heard these words:When the
priest acts in my place, he does not act of himself, but I act through him. His
wishes are Mine. I can see how Jesus defends His representatives. He himself
enters into their actions.
332 +Thursday. When I started the Holy Hour, I wanted to immerse myself in
the agony of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. Then I heard a voice in my
soul:Meditate on the mystery of the Incarnation . And suddenly the Infant Jesus
appeared before me, radiant with beauty. He told me how much God is pleased
with simplicity in a soul. Although My greatness is beyond understanding, I
commune only with those who are little. I demand of you a childlike spirit.
333 I now see clearly how God acts through the confessor and how faithfully
He keeps His promises. Two weeks ago, my confessor told me to reflect upon
this spiritual childhood. It was somewhat difficult at first, but my confessor,
disregarding my difficulties, told me to continue to reflect upon spiritual
childhood. "In practice, this spiritual childhood," [he said,] "should manifest itself
in this way: a child does not worry about the past or the future, but makes use of
the present moment. I want to emphasize that spiritual childlikeness in you,
Sister, and I place great stress upon it." I can see how God bows down to my
confessor's wishes; He does not show himself to me at this time as a Teacher in
the fullness of His strength and human adulthood, but as a little Child. The God
who is beyond all understanding stoops to me under the appearance of a little
Child.
334 But the eye of my soul does not stop at this appearance. Although You
take the form of a little Child, I see in You the immortal, infinite Lord of lords,
whom pure spirits adore, day and night, and for whom the hearts of the
Seraphim burn with the fire of purest love. O Christ, O Jesus, I want to surpass
them in my love for You! I apologize to you, O pure spirits, for my boldness in
comparing myself to you. I, this chasm of misery, this abyss of misery; and You,
O God, who are the incomprehensible abyss of mercy, swallow me up as the
heat of the sun swallows up a drop of dew! A loving look from You will fill up
any abyss. I feel immensely happy at the greatness of God. Seeing God's
greatness is more than enough to make me happy throughout all eternity!
335 Once, when I saw Jesus in the form of a small child, I asked, "Jesus, why
do you now take on the form of a child when You commune with me? In spite
of this, I still see in You the infinite God, my Lord and Creator. Jesus replied
that until I learned simplicity and humility, He would commune with me as a little
child.
336 +1934. During Holy Mass, when the Lord Jesus was exposed in the
Blessed Sacrament, before Holy Communion I saw two rays coming out from
the Blessed Host, just as they are painted in the image, one of them red and the
other pale. And they were reflected on each of the sisters and wards, but not on
all in the same way. On some of them the rays were barely visible. It was the
last day of the children's retreat.
337 November 22, 1934. +On one occasion, my spiritual director [Father
Sopocko] told me to look carefully into myself and to examine whether I had
any attachment to some particular object or creature, or even to myself, or
whether I engaged in useless chatter, "for all these things," [he said,] "get in the
way of the Lord Jesus, who wants complete freedom in directing your soul. God
is jealous of our hearts and wants us to love Him alone."
338 When I started to look deep within myself, I did not find any attachment to
anything, but as in all things that concern me, so also in this matter, I was afraid
and distrustful of myself. Tired out by this detailed selfexamination, I went before
the Blessed Sacrament and asked Jesus with all my heart, "Jesus, my Spouse,
Treasure of my heart, You know that I know You alone and that I have no
other love but You; but, Jesus, if I were about to become attached to anything
that is not You, I beg and entreat You, Jesus, by the power of Your mercy, let
instant death descend upon me, for I prefer to die a thousand times than to be
unfaithful to You once in even the smallest thing."
339 At that moment, Jesus suddenly stood before me, coming I know not from
where, radiant with unbelievable beauty, clothed in a white garment, with
uplifted arms, and He spoke these words to me, My daughter, your heart is My
repose; it is My delight. I find in it everything that is refused Me by so many
souls. Tell this to My representative. And an instant later, I saw nothing, but a
whole ocean of consolations entered my soul.
340 I know now that nothing can put a stop to my love for You, Jesus, neither
suffering, nor adversity, nor fire nor the sword, nor death itself. I feel stronger
than all these things. Nothing can compare with love. I see that the smallest
things done by a soul that loves God sincerely have an enormous value in His
Holy eyes.
341 November 5, 1934. One morning, when it was my duty to open the gate to
let out our people who deliver baked goods, I entered the little chapel to visit
Jesus for a minute and to renew the intentions of the day. Today, Jesus, I offer
You all my sufferings, mortifications and prayers for the intentions of the Holy
Father, so that he may approve the Feast of Mercy. But, Jesus, I have one more
word to say to You: I am very surprised that You bid me to talk about this
Feast of Mercy, for they tell me that there is already such a feast[81] and so
why should I talk about it? And Jesus said to me, And who knows anything
about this feast? No one! Even those who should be proclaiming My mercy and
teaching people about it often do not know about it themselves. That is why I
want the image to be solemnly blessed on the first Sunday after Easter, and I
want it to be venerated publicly so that every soul may know about it. Make a
novena for the Holy Father's intention. It should consist of thirty-three acts; that
is, repetition that many times of the short prayer-which I have taught you-to The
Divine Mercy.
342 Suffering is the greatest treasure on earth; it purifies the soul. In suffering,
we learn who our true friend is. 343 True love is measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You
for the little daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of
communal life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the
hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions,
for poor health and loss of strength, for self-denial, for dying to myself, for lack
of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans. Thank You, Jesus, for interior sufferings, for dryness of spirit, for terrors, fears
and incertitudes, for the darkness and the deep interior night, for temptations
and various ordeals, for torments too difficult to describe, especially for those
which no one will understand, for the hour of death with its fierce struggle and all
its bitterness. I thank You, Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before You gave it
to me, in a much milder form. I put my lips to this cup of Your holy will. Let all
be done according to Your good pleasure; let that which Your wisdom ordained
before the ages be done to me. I want to drink the cup to its last drop, and not
seek to know the reason why. In bitterness is my joy, in hopelessness is my
trust. In You, O Lord, all is good, all is a gift of Your paternal Heart. I do not
prefer consolations over bitterness or bitterness over consolations, but thank
You, O Jesus, for everything! It is my delight to fix my gaze upon You, O
incomprehensible God! My spirit abides in these mysterious dwelling places,
and there I am at home. I know very well the dwelling place of my Spouse. I
feel there is not a single drop of blood in me that does not burn with love for You. O Uncreated Beauty, whoever comes to know You once cannot love anything
else. I can feel the bottomless abyss of my soul, and nothing will fill it but God
himself. I feel that I am drowned in Him like a single grain of sand in a
bottomless ocean. December 20, 1934.
344 One evening as I entered my cell, I saw the Lord Jesus exposed in the
monstrance under the open sky, as it seemed. At the feet of Jesus I saw my
confessor, and behind him a great number of the highest ranking ecclesiastics,
clothed in vestments the like of which I had never seen except in this vision; and
behind them, groups of religious from various orders; and further still I saw
enormous crowds of people, which extended far beyond my vision. I saw the
two rays coming out from the Host, as in the image, closely united but not
intermingled; and they passed through the hands of my confessor, and then
through the hands of the clergy and from their hands to the people, and then they
returned to the Host... and at that moment I saw myself once again in the cell
which I had just entered.
345 December 22, 1934. When it was possible for me to go to confession
during the week, I happened to get there when my confessor was saying Holy
Mass. During the third part of the Mass I saw the Infant Jesus, a little smaller
than usual and with this difference, that He was wearing a violet tunic. He usually
has a white one.
346 December 24, 1934. The Vigil of Christmas. During the morning Mass, I
felt the closeness of God. Though I was hardly aware of it, my spirit was
drowned in God. Suddenly, I heard these words:You are My delightful dwelling
place; My Spirit rests in you. After these words, I felt the Lord looking into the
depths of my heart; and seeing my misery, I humbled myself in spirit and
admired the immense mercy of God, that the Most High Lord would approach
such misery. During Holy Communion, joy filled my soul. I felt that I am closely united to the
Godhead. His omnipotence enveloped my whole being. Throughout the whole
day I felt the closeness of God in a special manner; and although my duties
prevented me throughout the whole day from going to chapel even for a
moment, there was not a moment when I was not united with God. I felt Him
within me more distinctly than ever. Unceasingly greeting the Mother of God and
entering into Her spirit, I begged Her to teach me true love of God. And then I
heard these words: I will share with you the secret of My happiness this night
during Holy Mass. We had supper before six o'clock. Despite all the joy and the external noise
accompanying the sharing of the wafer and the mutual exchange of good wishes,
I did not for a moment lose the awareness of God's presence. After supper we
hurried away to finish our work, and at nine I was able to go to the chapel for
adoration. I was allowed to stay up and wait for the Midnight Mass. I was
delighted to have free time from nine until midnight. From nine to ten o'clock I
offered my adoration for my parents and my whole family. From ten to eleven, I
offered it for the intention of my spiritual director, in the first place thanking God
for granting me this great visible help here on earth, just as He had promised me,
and I also asked God to grant him the necessary light so that he could get to
know my soul and guide me according to God's good pleasure. And from
eleven to twelve I prayed for the Holy Church and the clergy, for sinners, for the
missions and for our houses. I offered the indulgences for the souls in purgatory. Twelve O'clock, December 25, 1934
347 Midnight Mass. As Holy Mass began, I immediately felt a great interior recollection; joy filled my soul. During the offertory, I saw Jesus on the altar, incomparably beautiful. The whole time the Infant kept looking at everyone, stretching out His little hands. During the elevation, the Child was not looking towards the chapel but up to heaven. After the elevation He looked at us again, but just for a short while, because He was broken up and eaten by the priest in the usual manner. His pinafore was now white. The next day I saw the same thing, and on the third day as well. It is difficult for me to express the joy of my soul. The vision was repeated at the three Masses in the same way as in the first ones. 1934.
348 The first Thursday after Christmas. I completely forgot it was Thursday and
so did not make my adoration. At nine o'clock I went directly to the dormitory
with the other sisters. But strangely enough, I could not fall asleep. It seemed to
me that I had not yet done something that I was supposed to do. Mentally, I
reviewed all my duties, and could not recollect anything. This lasted until ten
o'clock. At ten, I saw the Sorrowful Face of Jesus. Then Jesus spoke these
words to me: I have been waiting to share My suffering with you, for who can
understand My suffering better than My spouse? I asked pardon of Jesus for my
coldness. Ashamed and not daring to look at the Lord Jesus, but with a contrite
heart, I asked Him to give me one thorn from His crown. He answered that He
would grant me this favor, but not until tomorrow, and immediately the vision
disappeared.
349 In the morning, during meditation, I felt a painful thorn in the left side of my
head. The suffering continued all day. I meditated continually about how Jesus
had been able to endure the pain of so many thorns which made up His crown. I
joined my suffering to the sufferings of Jesus and offered it for sinners. At four
o'clock when I came for adoration, I saw one of our wards offending God
greatly by sins of impure thoughts. I also saw a certain person who was the
cause of her sin. My soul was pierced with fear, and I asked God, for the sake
of Jesus' pain, to snatch her from this terrible misery.
350 Jesus answered that He would grant her that favor, not for her sake, but for
the sake of my request. Now I understood how much we ought to pray for
sinners, and especially for our wards. Our life is truly apostolic; I cannot imagine a religious living in one of our houses;
that is, in our Community, and not having an apostolic spirit. Zeal for the
salvation of souls should burn in our hearts. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
351 O my God, how sweet it is to suffer for You, suffer in the most secret
recesses of the heart, in the greatest hiddenness, to burn like a sacrifice noticed
by no one, pure as crystal, with no consolation or compassion. My spirit burns
in active love. I waste no time in dreaming. I take every moment singly as it
comes, for this is within my power. The past does not belong to me; the future is
not mine; with all my soul I try to make use of the present moment. January 4, 1935. The first chapter[82] of Mother Borgia.[83]
352 At the chapter, Mother [Borgia] stressed a life of faith and fidelity in small
things. Half way through the chapter, I heard these words: I desire that you
would all have more faith at the present time. How great is My joy at the
faithfulness of My spouse in the smallest things. Then I looked at the crucifix and
saw that Jesus' head was turned towards the refectory, and His lips were moving. When I told Mother Superior about it, she answered, "You see, Sister, how
Jesus demands that our life be a life of faith."
353 When Mother left for the chapel and I stayed to set the room in order, I
heard these words: Tell all the sisters that I demand that they live in the spirit of
faith towards the superiors at this present time. I begged my confessor to release
me from this duty.
354 As I was talking to a certain person[84] who was to paint the image but,
for certain reasons, was not painting it, I heard this voice in my soul: I want her
to be more obedient. I understood that our efforts, no matter how great, are not
pleasing to God if they do not bear the seal of obedience; I am speaking about a
religious soul. O God, how easy it is to know Your will in the convent! We
religious have God's will set clearly before our eyes from morning till night, and
in moments of uncertainty we have our superiors through whom God speaks.
355 1934-1935. New Year's Eve. I was given permission not to go to sleep,
but rather pray in the chapel. One of the sisters had asked me to offer an hour of
adoration for her. I said yes, and prayed for her for an hour. During the hour,
God gave me to understand how very pleasing this soul was to Him. I offered the second hour of adoration for the conversion of sinners, and I tried
especially to offer expiation to God for the insults that were being committed
against Him at this present moment. How greatly God is being offended! I offered the third hour for my spiritual director. I fervently prayed for light for
him in a particular matter. Finally the clock struck twelve, the last hour of the
year. I finished it in the Name of the Holy Trinity, and I also started the first hour
of the New Year in the Name of the Holy Trinity. I asked each of the Three
Persons to bless me and, with great confidence, looked toward the New Year
which certainly would not be sparing of suffering.
356 O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the testament of God's mercy for us,
and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus as
proof of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained life eternal and of infinite mercy,
dispensed in abundance to us and especially to poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the mercy of the Father, the Son and the
Holy Spirit toward us, and especially toward poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the infinite price of mercy which will
compensate for all our debts, and especially those of poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fountain of living water which springs
from infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fire of purest love which blazes forth
from the bosom of the Eternal Father, as from an abyss of infinite mercy for us,
and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the medicine for all our infirmities, flowing
from infinite mercy, as from a fount, for us and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the union between God and us through
His infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom are contained all the sentiments of the most sweet
Heart of Jesus toward us, and especially poor sinners. O Blessed Host, our only hope in all the sufferings and adversities of life. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of darkness and of storms within
and without. O Blessed Host, our only hope in life and at the hour of our death. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of adversities and floods of despair. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of falsehood and treason. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness
which inundate the earth. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the longing and pain
in which no one will understand us. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the toil and monotony of everyday life. O Blessed Host, our only hope amid the ruin of our hopes and endeavors. O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the ravages of the enemy and the
efforts of hell. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when the burdens are beyond my strength and I
find my efforts are fruitless. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when storms toss my heart about and my fearful
spirit tends to despair. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my heart is about to tremble and mortal
sweat moistens my brow. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when everything conspires against me and black
despair creeps into my soul. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my eyes will begin to grow dim to all
temporal things and, for the first time, my spirit will behold the unknown worlds. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my tasks will be beyond my strength and
adversity will become my daily lot. O Blessed Host I trust in You when the practice of virtue will appear difficult for
me and my nature will grow rebellious. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when hostile blows will be aimed against me. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my toils and efforts will be misjudged by others. O Blessed Host, I trust in You when Your judgments will resound over me; it is
then that I will trust in the sea of Your mercy.
357 +Most Holy Trinity, I trust in Your infinite mercy. God is my Father and so
I, His child, have every claim to His divine Heart; and the greater the darkness,
the more complete our trust should be.
358 I do not understand how it is possible not to trust in Him who can do all
things. With Him, everything; without Him, nothing. He is Lord. He will not
allow those who have placed all their trust in Him to be put to shame.
359 January 10, 1935. +Thursday. In the evening during benediction,[85] such
thoughts as these began to distress me: Is not perhaps all this that I am saying
about God's great mercy just a lie or an illusion...? And I wanted to think about
this for a while, when I heard a strong and clear inner voice saying, Everything
that you say about My goodness is true; language has no adequate expression to
extol My goodness. These words were so filled with power and so clear that I
would give my life in declaring they came from God. I can tell this by the
profound peace that accompanied them at that time and that still remains with
me. This peace gives me such great strength and power that all difficulties,
adversities, sufferings, and death itself are as nothing. This light gave me a
glimpse of the truth that all my efforts to bring souls to know the mercy of the
Lord are very pleasing to God. And from this springs such great joy in my soul
that I do not know whether it could be any greater in heaven. Oh, if souls would
only be willing to listen, at least a little, to the voice of conscience and the
voicethat is, the inspirations-of the Holy Spirit! I say "at least a little," because
once we open ourselves to the influence of the Holy Spirit, He himself will fulfill
what is lacking in us. +New Year 1935
360 Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details of our life, and He often fulfills
secret wishes of mine that I sometimes hide from Him, although I know that
from Him nothing can be hidden. There is a custom among us of drawing by lot, on New Year's Day, special
Patrons for ourselves for the whole year. In the morning during meditation, there
arose within me a secret desire that the Eucharistic Jesus be my special Patron
for this year also, as in the past. But, hiding this desire from my Beloved, I
spoke to Him about everything else but that. When we came to refectory for
breakfast, we blessed ourselves and began drawing our patrons. When I
approached the holy cards on which the names of the patrons were written,
without hesitation I took one, but I didn't read the name immediately as I wanted
to mortify myself for a few minutes. Suddenly, I heard a voice in my soul: I am
your patron. Read. I looked at once at the inscription and read, "Patron for the
Year 1935-the Most Blessed Eucharist." My heart leapt with joy, and I slipped
quietly away from the sisters and went for a short visit before the Blessed
Sacrament, where I poured out my heart. But Jesus sweetly admonished me that
I should be at that moment together with the sisters. I went immediately in
obedience to the rule. Holy Trinity, One God,
361 incomprehensible in the greatness of Your mercy for creatures, and
especially for poor sinners, You have made known the abyss of Your mercy,
incomprehensible and unfathomable [as it is] to any mind, whether of man or
angel. Our nothingness and our misery are drowned in Your greatness. O infinite
goodness, who can ever praise You sufficiently? Can there be found a soul that
understands You in Your love? O Jesus, there are such souls, but they are few.
362 +One day, during the morning meditation, I heard this voice: I myself am
your director; I was, I am, and I will be. And since you asked for visible help, I
chose and gave you a director even before you had asked, for My work
required this. Know that the faults you commit against him wound My Heart. Be
especially on your guard against self-willfulness; even the smallest thing should
bear the seal of obedience. With a crushed and humbled heart I begged forgiveness of Jesus for these faults.
I also begged pardon of my spiritual director and resolved to do nothing rather
than to do many things wrongly.
363 O good Jesus, thank You for the great grace of making known to me what
I am of myself: misery and sin, and nothing more. I can do only one thing of
myself, and that is to offend You, O my God, because misery can do no more
of itself than offend You, O infinite Goodness!
364 +Once I was asked to pray for a certain soul. I decided at once to make a
novena to the Merciful Lord to which I added a mortification; namely, that I
would wear chains [86] on both legs throughout Holy Mass. I had been doing
this already for three days when I went to confession and told my spiritual
director that I had undertaken this mortification, presuming permission to do so.
I had thought he would not object, but I heard the contrary; that is, that I should
do nothing without permission. O my Jesus, so it was willfulness again! But my
falls do not discourage me; I know very well that 1 am misery [itself]. Because
of the condition of my health I did not receive this permission, and my spiritual
director was surprised that I had been allowing myself greater mortifications
without his permission. I asked pardon for my self-willfulness, or rather for
having presumed permission, and I asked him to change this mortification for
another one.
365 My spiritual director replaced it with an interior mortification; namely,
throughout Holy Mass I was to meditate on why the Lord Jesus had submitted
to being baptized. The meditation was no mortification for me, for thinking about
God is a delight and not a mortification; but there was a mortification of the will
in that I was not doing [simply] what I like, but what I was told to do, and it is in
this that interior mortification consists. When I left the confessional and started to
recite my penance, I heard these words: I have granted the grace you asked for
on behalf of that soul, but not because of the mortification you chose for
yourself. Rather, it was because of your act of complete obedience to My
representative that I granted this grace to that soul for whom you interceded and
begged mercy. Know that when you mortify your own self-will, then Mine
reigns within you.
366 O my Jesus, be patient with me. I will be more careful in the future. I will
rely, not upon myself, but upon Your grace and Your very great goodness to
miserable me.
367 +On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know that when I pray for intentions
which people are wont to entrust to me, He is always ready to grant His graces,
but souls do not always want to accept them: My Heart overflows with great
mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand
that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and
Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them
I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon
souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often
as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you
will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to
so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and
forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they
have no time to come to Me for graces. So I turn to you, you-chosen souls, will you also fail to understand the love of
My Heart? Here, too, My Heart finds disappointment; I do not find complete
surrender to My love. So many reservations, so much distrust, so much caution.
To comfort you, let Me tell you that there are souls living in the world who love
Me dearly. I dwell In their hearts with delight. But they are few. In convents too,
there are souls that fill My Heart with joy. They bear My features; therefore the
Heavenly Father looks upon them with special pleasure. They will be a marvel
to Angels and men. Their number is very small. They are a defense for the world
before the justice of the Heavenly Father and a means of obtaining mercy for the
world. The love and sacrifice of these souls sustain the world in existence. The
infidelity of a soul specially chosen by Me wounds My Heart most painfully.
Such infidelities are swords which pierce My Heart.
368 January 29, 1935. This Tuesday morning during meditation, I had an
interior vision of the Holy Father saying Mass. After the Pater Noster, he talked
to Jesus about that matter which Jesus had ordered me to tell him. Although I
have not spoken to the Holy Father personally, this matter was taken care of by
someone else [Father Sopocko [87]]; at this moment, however, I knew by
interior knowledge that the Holy Father was considering this matter, which will
soon come to pass in accordance with the desires of Jesus.
369 Before the eight-day retreat, I went to my spiritual director and asked him
for certain mortifications for the time of the retreat. However, I did not receive
permission for everything I asked for, but for some things only. I received
permission for one hour of meditation on the Passion of the Lord Jesus and for a
certain humiliation. But I was a little dissatisfied at not receiving permission for
everything I had asked. When we returned home, I dropped into the chapel for
a moment, and then I heard this voice in my soul: There is more merit to one
hour of meditation on My sorrowful Passion than there is to a whole year of
flagellation that draws blood; the contemplation of My painful wounds is of great
profit to you, and it brings Me great joy. I am surprised that you still have not
completely renounced your self-will, but I rejoice exceedingly that this change
will be accomplished during the retreat.
370 That same day, when I was in church waiting for confession, I saw the
same rays issuing from the monstrance and spreading throughout the church.
This lasted all through the service. After the Benediction. [the rays shone out] to
both sides and returned again to the monstrance. Their appearance was bright
and transparent like crystal. I asked Jesus that He deign to light the fire of His
love in all souls that were-cold. Beneath these rays a heart will grow warm even
if it were like a block of ice; even if it were hard as a rock, it will crumble into dust. + J.M.J. Vilnius, February 4, 1935 Eight-day retreat.
371 Jesus, King of Mercy, again the time has come when I am alone with You.
Therefore I beg You, by all the love with which Your Heart burns, to destroy
completely within me my self-love and, on the other hand, to enkindle in my
heart the fire of Your purest love.
372 In the evening, after the conference, I heard these words: I am with you.
During this retreat, I will strengthen you in peace and in courage so that your
strength will not fail in carrying out My designs. Therefore you will cancel out
your will absolutely in this retreat and, instead, My complete will shall be
accomplished in you. Know that it will cost you much, so write these words on
a clean sheet of paper: "From today on, my own will does not exist," and then
cross out the page. And on the other side write these words: "From today on, I
do the will of God everywhere, always, and in everything." Be afraid of nothing;
love will give you strength and make the realization of this easy.
373 In the fundamental meditation about the goal; that is, of choosing love: the
soul must love; it has need of loving. The soul must divert the stream of its love,
but not into the mud or into a vacuum, but into God. How I rejoice when I
reflect on this, for I feel clearly that He himself is in my heart. Just Jesus alone! I
love creatures insofar as they help me to become united with God. I love all
people because I see the image of God in them.
374 J.M.J Vilnius, Februrary 4, 1935 [page in the Dairy with the words "From today on my will does not exist"
crossed out with a large 'X'] The moment I knelt down to cross out my own will, as the Lord had bid me to
do, I heard this voice in my soul:From today on, do not fear God's judgment, for
you will not be judged [The next page has...] J.M.J Vilnius, February 4, 1935 From today on, I do the Will of God everywhere, always, and in everything.[88] + J.M.J. Vilnius, February 8, 1935
375 Particular interior practice; that is, the examination of conscience.
Self-denial, denial of my own will. I. The denial of my reason. Subjecting it to the reason of those who represent
God to me here on earth. II. The denial of my will. Doing the will of God, which is revealed in the will of
those who represent God to me and which is contained in the rule of our order. III. The denial of my judgment. Accepting immediately and without reflection,
analysis or reasoning all orders given by those who represent God to me. IV. The denial of my tongue. I will not give it the least bit of freedom; but in one
case only I will give it complete freedom; that is, in proclaiming the glory of God.
Whenever I receive Holy Communion, I will ask Jesus to fortify and cleanse my
tongue that I may not injure my neighbor with it. That is why I have the greatest
respect for the rule which speaks about silence.
376 My Jesus, I trust that Your grace will help me to carry out these resolutions.
Although the above points are contained in the vow of obedience, I want to
practice these things in a special way, because this is the essence of the religious
life. Merciful Jesus, I beg You fervently to enlighten my mind so that I may come
to know You better, You who are the Infinite Being, and that I may get to know
myself better, who am nothingness itself.
377 Concerning Holy Confession. We should derive two kinds of profit from Holy Confession: 1. We come to confession to be healed; 2. We come to be educated-like a small child, our soul has constant need of education. 0 my Jesus, I understand these words to their very depths, and I know from my
own experience that, on its own strength, the soul will not go far; it will exert
itself greatly and will do nothing for the glory of God; it will err continually,
because our mind is darkened and does not know how to discern its own
affairs. I shall pay special attention to two things: firstly, I will choose, in making
my confession, that which humiliates me most, even if it be a trifle, but something
that costs me much, and for that reason I will tell it; secondly, I will practice
contrition, not only during confession, but during every self-examination, and I
will arouse within myself an act of perfect contrition, especially when I am going
to bed. One more word: a soul which sincerely wants to advance in perfection
must observe strictly the advice given by the spiritual director. There is as much
holiness as there is dependence.
378 Once as I was talking with my spiritual director, I had an interior
vision-quicker than lightning-of his soul in great suffering, in such agony that God
touches very few souls with such fire. The suffering arises from this work. There
will come a time when this work, which God is demanding so very much, will be
as though utterly undone. And then God will act with great power, which will
give evidence of its authenticity. It will be a new splendor for the Church,
although it has been dormant in it from long ago. That God is infinitely merciful,
no one can deny. He desires everyone to know this before He comes again as
Judge. He wants souls to come to know Him first as King of Mercy. When this
triumph comes, we shall already have entered the new life in which there is no
suffering. But before this, your soul [of the spiritual director] will be surfeited
with bitterness at the sight of the destruction of your efforts. However, this will
only appear to be so, because what God has once decided upon, He does not
change. But although this destruction will be such only in outward appearance,
the suffering will be real. When will this happen? I do not know. How long will it
last? I do not know.[89] But God has promised a great grace especially to you
and to all those... who will proclaim My great mercy. I shall protect them Myself
at the hour of death, as My own glory. And even if the sins of soul are as dark
as night, when the sinner turns to My mercy he gives Me the greatest praise and
is the glory of My Passion. When a soul praises My goodness, Satan trembles
before it and flees to the very bottom of hell.
379 During one of the adorations, Jesus promised me that: With souls that have
recourse to My mercy and with those that glorify and proclaim My great mercy
to others, I will deal according to My infinite mercy at the hour of their death. My Heart is sorrowful, Jesus said, because even chosen souls do not
understand the greatness of My mercy. Their relationship [with Me] is, in certain
ways, imbued with mistrust. Oh, how much that wounds My Heart 1 Remember
My Passion, and if you do not believe My words, at least believe My wounds.
380 I make no movement, no gesture after my own liking, because I am bound
by grace; I always consider what is more pleasing to Jesus.
381 When meditating once on obedience, I heard these words: In this
meditation, the priest [90] is speaking particularly for you. Know that I am
borrowing his lips. I tried to listen most attentively to everything and to apply
everything to my own heart, as in every meditation. When the priest said that an
obedient soul was filled with the power of God... Yes, when you are obedient I
take away your weakness and replace it with My strength. I am very surprised
that souls do not want to make that exchange with Me. I said to the Lord,
"Jesus, enlighten my heart, or else I, too, will not understand much from these
words."
382 I know that I live, not for myself, but for a great number of souls. I know
that graces granted me are not for me alone, but for souls. O Jesus, the abyss of
Your mercy has been poured into my soul, which is an abyss of misery itself.
Thank You, Jesus, for the graces and the pieces of the Cross which You give
me at each moment of my life.
383 At the beginning of the retreat, I saw, on the ceiling of the chapel, Jesus
nailed to the Cross. He was looking at the sisters with great love, but not at all
of them. There were three sisters at whom Jesus looked severely, for what
reasons I do not know. I only know what a terrible thing it is to meet with such a
look, which is the look of a severe Judge. That look was not directed at me, and
yet I was paralyzed with terror. I still tremble as I write these words. I did not
dare to say so much as a single word to Jesus. My physical strength failed me,
and I thought I would not live to the end of the conference. The next day, I saw
the same thing again, just as I had seen it the first time, and this time I dared to
speak these words: "Jesus, how great is Your mercy!" On the third day, that gaze of great kindness upon all the sisters, except the
three, was again repeated. I gathered up my courage, which drew its force from
love of neighbor, and I said to the Lord, "You, who are Mercy Itself, as You
yourself told me, I beg You by the power of Your mercy, to look then with
kindness at these three sisters as well. And if this is not in accord with Your
wisdom, I ask You for an exchange: turn to them the kind look meant for my
soul, and let Your severe gaze at their souls be turned on me." Jesus then said to
me these words: My daughter, for the sake of your sincere and generous love, I
grant them many graces although they are not asking Me for them. But I am
doing so because of the promise I have made to you. And at that moment, He
turned a merciful look towards those three sisters as well. My heart leapt with
joy to see the goodness of God.
384 When I stayed for adoration from nine to ten o'clock, four other sisters
stayed; too. When 1 approached the altar and began to meditate on the Passion
of the Lord Jesus, a terrible pain immediately filled my soul because of the
ingratitude of so many souls living in the world; but particularly painful was the
ingratitude of souls especially chosen by God. There is no notion or comparison
[which can describe it]. At the sight of this blackest ungratefulness I felt as
though my heart were torn open; my strength failed me completely, and I fell on
my face, not attempting to hide my loud cries. Each time I thought of God's
great mercy and of the ingratitude of souls, pain stabbed at my heart, and I
understood how painfully it wounded the sweetest Heart of Jesus. With a
burning heart, I renewed my act of self-oblation on behalf of sinners.
385 With joy and longing I have pressed my lips to the bitterness of the cup
which I receive each day at Holy Mass. It is the share which Jesus has allotted
to me for each moment, and I will not relinquish it to anyone. I will comfort the
most sweet Eucharistic Heart continuously and will play harmonious melodies on
the strings of my heart. Suffering is the most harmonious melody of all. I will
assiduously search out that which will make Your Heart rejoice today! The days of my life are not monotonous. When dark clouds cover the sun, like
the eagle I will try to brave the billows and make known to others that the sun is
not dying out.
386 I feel that God will let me draw aside the veils [of heaven] so that the earth
will not doubt His goodness. God is not subject to eclipse or change. He is
forever one and the same; nothing can contradict His will. I feel within myself a
power greater than human. I feel courage and strength thanks to the grace that
dwells in me. 1 understand souls who are suffering against hope, for 1 have gone
through that fire myself. But God will not give [us anything] beyond our strength.
Often have I lived hoping against hope, and have advanced my hope to
complete trust in God. Let that which He has ordained from all ages happen to me. A general principle.
387 It would be a very ugly thing for a religious to seek relief from suffering.
388 See what grace and reflection made out of the greatest criminal. He who is
dying has much love: "Remember me when You are in paradise." Heartfelt
repentance immediately transforms the soul. The spiritual life is to be lived
earnestly and sincerely.
389 Love must be reciprocal. If Jesus tasted the fullness of bitterness for me,
then I, His bride, will accept all bitterness as proof of my love for Him.
390 He who knows how to forgive prepares for himself many graces from God.
As often as I look upon the cross, so often will I forgive with all my heart.
391 Through Holy Baptism, we entered into union with other souls. Death
tightens the bonds of love. I ought always to be of help to others. If I am a good
religious, I will be useful, not only to the Order, but to the whole Country as well.
392 The Lord God grants His graces in two ways: by inspiration and by
enlightenment. If we ask God for a grace, He will give it to us; but let us be
willing to accept it. And in order to accept it, self-denial is needed. Love does
not consist in words or feelings, but in deeds. It is an act of the will; it is a gift;
that is to say, a giving. The reason, the will, the heart-these three faculties must
be exercised during prayer. I will rise from the dead in Jesus, but first I must live
in Him. If I do not separate myself from the Cross, then the Gospel will be
revealed in me. Jesus in me makes up for all my deficiencies. His grace operates
without ceasing. The Holy Trinity grants me Its life abundantly, by the gift of the
Holy Spirit. The Three Divine Persons live in me. When God loves, He loves
with all His Being, with all the power of His Being. If God has loved me in this
way, how should I respond I, His spouse? 393 During one conference, Jesus said to me, You are a sweet grape in a
chosen cluster; I want others to have a share in the juice that is flowing within
you.
394 During the renewal of the vows,[91] I saw the Lord Jesus on the Epistle
side [of the altar], wearing a white garment with a golden belt and holding a
terrible sword in His hand. This lasted until the moment when the sisters began
to renew their vows. Then I saw a resplendence beyond compare and, in front
of this brilliance, a white cloud in the shape of a scale. Then Jesus approached
and put the sword on one side of the scale, and it fell heavily towards the ground
until it was about to touch it. Just then, the sisters finished renewing their vows.
Then I saw Angels who took something from each of the sisters and placed it in
a golden vessel somewhat in the shape of a thurible. When they had collected it
from all the sisters and placed the vessel on the other side of the scale, it
immediately outweighed and raised up the side on which the sword had been
laid. At that moment, a flame issued forth from the thurible, and it reached all the
way to the brilliance. Then I heard a voice coming from the brilliance: Put the
sword back in its place; the sacrifice is greater. Then Jesus gave us His blessing,
and all I had seen vanished. The sisters had already begun to receive Holy
Communion. When I received Holy Communion, my soul was filled with such
great joy that I am unable to describe it.
395 [February] 15, 1935. A few days' visit at my parents' home [92] to see my
dying mother. When I learned that my mother was seriously ill and near death, and that she
had asked that I come home, as she wanted to see me once more before dying,
a host of emotions were awakened in my heart. As a child who sincerely loves
its mother, I wanted very much to fulfill her wish. But I left this to God and
resigned myself completely to His will. Paying no heed to the ache in my heart, I
followed God's will. On the morning of my name day, February fifteen, Mother
Superior gave me a second letter from my family and granted me permission to
go to my parents' home to fulfill the wish and request of my dying mother. I
began at once to make the necessary preparations for the journey and left
Vilnius in the evening. I offered the whole night for my seriously ill mother, that
God might grant her the grace of losing none of the merits of her suffering.
396 My traveling companions were very kind; several women of the Sodality of
Mary were in the same compartment with me. I sensed that one of them was
suffering greatly and fighting a difficult battle in her soul. l began to pray in spirit
for this soul. At eleven o'clock these women went to another compartment for a
chat, leaving only the two of us behind in the carriage. I could feel that my
prayer was causing this soul's struggle to become even fiercer. I did not console
her, but prayed all the more fervently. Finally, the lady turned to me and asked if
she was obliged to fulfill a certain promise which she had made to God. At that
moment, I received inner knowledge of the promise and replied, "You are
absolutely obliged to keep it, or else you will be miserable for the rest of your
life. This thought will pursue you everywhere and give you no peace." Surprised
at my answer, she opened her soul to me. She was a schoolteacher. When she was about to take her examinations, she
had promised God that if she did well in her examinations she would devote
herself to His service; that is, enter a religious congregation. She passed the
examinations very well. "But," she said, "when I entered into the hustle and
bustle of the world, I no longer wanted to enter a convent. However, my
conscience has given me no peace, and despite amusements I am always unhappy." After a lengthy conversation, she was completely changed and told me that she
would immediately take steps to enter a convent. She asked me to pray for her,
and I felt that God would be generous with His grace.
397 That morning I arrived in Warsaw, and at eight o'clock that evening I was
already at home. What a joy it was for my parents and for the whole family! It is
difficult to describe it. My mother's health had improved a bit, but the doctor
gave no hope of complete recovery. After greeting each other, we knelt down
to thank God for the grace of being able to be together once again in this life.
398 When I saw how my father prayed, I was very much ashamed that, after so
many years in the convent, I was not able to pray with such sincerity and fervor.
And so 1 never cease thanking God for such parents.
399 Oh, how everything had changed beyond recognition during those ten
years! The garden had been so small, and now I could not recognize it. My
brothers and sisters had still been children, and now they were all grown up. I
was surprised that I did not find them as they had been when we parted. Stanley
accompanied me to church every day. I felt that he was very pleasing to God.
400 On the last day, when everyone had left the church, I went before the
Blessed Sacrament with him, and together we recited the Te Deum. After a
moment of silence, I offered his soul to the Sweetest Heart of Jesus. How easy
it was to pray in that little church! I remembered all the graces that I had
received there, and which I had not understood at the time and had so often
abused. I wondered how I could have been so blind. And as I was thus
regretting my blindness, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, radiant with
unspeakable beauty, .. and He said to me with kindness, My chosen one, I will
give you even greater graces that you may be the witness of My infinite mercy
throughout all eternity. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
401 The days at home passed in much company, as everybody wanted to see
me and talk with me. Often I could count as many as twenty-five people there.
They listened with great interest to my accounts of the lives of the saints. It
seemed to me that our house was truly the house of God, as each evening we
talked about nothing but God. When, tired from these talks and yearning for
solitude and silence, I quietly slipped out into the garden in the evening so I
could converse with God alone, even in this I was unsuccessful; immediately my
brothers and sisters came and took me into the house and, once again, I had to
talk, with all those eyes fixed on me. But I struck on one way of getting some
respite; I asked my brothers to sing for me, inasmuch as they had lovely voices;
and besides, one played the violin and another, the mandolin. And during this
time I was able to devote myself to interior prayer without shunning their company. What also cost me a lot was that I had to kiss the children. The women I knew
came with their children and asked me to take them in my arms, at least for a
moment, and kiss them. They regarded this as a great favor, and for me it was a
chance to practice virtue, since many of the children were quite dirty. But in
order to overcome my feelings and show no repugnance, I would kiss such a
dirty child twice. One of these friends came with a child whose eyes were
diseased and filled with pus, and she said to me, "Sister, take it in your arms for
a moment, please." My nature recoiled, but not paying attention to anything, I
took the child and kissed it twice, right on the infection, asking God to heal it. I had many opportunities to practice virtue. I listened to people pour out their
grievances, and I saw that no heart was joyful, because no heart truly loved
God; and this did not surprise me at all. I was very sorry not to have seen two
of my sisters. I felt interiorly that their souls were in great danger. Pain gripped
my heart at the thought of them. Once, when I felt very close to God, I fervently
asked the Lord to grant them grace, and the Lord answered me, I am granting
them not only necessary graces, but special graces as well. I understood that the
Lord would call them to a greater union with Him. I rejoice immensely that such
great love reigns in our family.
402 As I was taking leave of my parents and asking for their blessing, I felt the
power of the grace of God being poured out upon my soul. My father, my
mother and my godmother blessed me with tears in their eyes, wished me the
greatest faithfulness to God's graces, and begged me never to forget how many
graces God had granted me in calling me to the religious life. They asked me to
pray for them. Although everyone was crying, I did not shed a single tear; I tried
to be brave and comforted them as best I could, reminding them of heaven
where there would be no more parting. Stanley walked me to the car. I told him
how much God loves pure souls and assured him God was satisfied with him.
When I was telling him about the goodness of God and of how He thinks of us,
he burst out crying like a little child, and I was not surprised, for this was a pure
soul and, as such, more capable of recognizing God.
403 Once I was in the car, I let my heart have its way, and I, too, cried like a
baby, for joy that God was granting our family so many graces, and I became
steeped in a prayer of thanksgiving. By evening I was already in Warsaw. Firstly, I greeted the Lord of the house
[Jesus in the Eucharist], and then I went to greet the whole community.
404 When I entered the chapel to say goodnight to the Lord before retiring, and
apologized for having talked so little to Him when I was at home, I heard a
voice within my soul, I am very pleased that you had not been talking with Me,
but were making My goodness known to souls and rousing them to love Me.
405 Mother Superior [Mary Joseph] said to me, "We are both going to
Jozefinek tomorrow, Sister, and you will have a chance to talk with Mother
General [Michael]." I was delighted. Mother General was ever the same, full of
goodness, peace and the Spirit of God. I had a long talk with her. We attended
the afternoon service. The Litany of the Sacred Heart of Jesus was sung. The
Lord Jesus was exposed in the monstrance.
406 After a short while, I saw the little Jesus, who came out from the Host and
rested in my hands. This lasted for a moment; immense joy flooded my soul. The
Child Jesus had the same appearance as He had the time we entered the Chapel
with Mother Superior-my former Directress, Mary Joseph. The next day I was
already back in my beloved Vilnius.
407 Oh, how happy I felt to be back in our convent! I felt as though I was
entering the convent for the second time. I took unending delight in the silence
and peace in which the soul can so easily immerse itself in God, helped by
everyone and disturbed by no one. The Great Lent
408 When I become immersed in the Lord's Passion, I often see the Lord
Jesus, during adoration, in this manner: after the scourging, the torturers took the
Lord and stripped Him of His own garment, which had already adhered to the
wounds; as they took it off, His wounds reopened; then they threw a dirty and
tattered scarlet cloak over the fresh wounds of the Lord. The cloak, in some
places, barely reached His knees. They made Him sit on a piece of beam. And
then they wove a crown of thorns, which they put on His sacred head. They put
a reed in His hand and made fun of Him, bowing to Him as to a king. Some spat
in His face, while others took the reed and struck Him on the head with it.
Others caused him pain by slapping Him; still others covered His face and
struck Him with their fists. Jesus bore all this with meekness. Who can
comprehend Him-comprehend His suffering? Jesus' eyes were downcast. I
sensed what was happening in the most sweet Heart of Jesus at that time. Let
every soul reflect on what Jesus was suffering at that moment. They tried to
outdo each other in insulting the Lord. I reflected: Where does such malice in
man come from? It is caused by sin. Love and sin have met.
409 When I was attending Mass in a certain church with another sister, I felt the
greatness and majesty of God; I felt the church was permeated by God. His
majesty enveloped me and, though it terrified me, it filled me with peace and joy.
I knew that nothing could oppose His will. Oh, if only all souls knew who is
living in our churches, there would not be so many outrages and so much
disrespect in these holy places!
410 O eternal and incomprehensible Love, I beg You for one grace: enlighten
my mind with light from on high; help me to know and appreciate all things
according to their value. I feel the greatest joy in my soul when I come to know
the truth.
411 March 21, 1935. Often during Mass, I see the Lord in my soul; I feel His
presence which pervades my being. I sense His divine gaze; I have long talks
with Him without saying a word; I know what His divine Heart desires, and I
always do what will please Him the most. 1 love Him to distraction, and I feel
that I am being loved by God. At those times when I meet with God deep within
myself, I feel so happy that I do not know how to express it. Such moments are
short, for the soul could not bear it for long, as separation from the body would
be inevitable. Though these moments are very short, their power, however,
which is transmitted to the soul, remains with it for a very long time. Without the
least effort, I experience the profound recollection which then envelops me-and
it does not diminish even if I talk with people, nor does it interfere with the
performance of my duties. I feel the constant presence of God without any effort
of my soul. I know that I am united with Him as closely as a drop of water is
united with the bottomless ocean. Last Thursday, toward the end of my prayers, I felt this grace, and it lasted for
an unusually long time, for it was throughout Mass, so that I thought I would die
of joy. At such times, my knowledge of God and His attributes becomes more
acute, and also I know my own self and my misery much better. I am amazed at
the Lord's great condescension to such a miserable soul as mine. After Holy
Mass, I felt completely immersed in God and am still conscious of His every
glance into the depth of my heart. About midday I entered the chapel for a
moment, ' and again the power of grace struck my heart. As I continued in a
state of recollection, Satan took a flowerpot and angrily hurled it to the ground
with all his might. I saw all his rage and his jealousy.
412 There was no one in the chapel, so I got up, picked up the pieces of the
flowerpot, repotted the flower and tried to do all this before anyone came in.
But I did not manage to do so, as Mother Superior [Borgia] came in at that
moment together with the sister sacristan [93] and several other sisters. Mother
Superior was surprised that I had been touching something on the altar and thus
caused the flowerpot to fall. Sister sacristan showed her displeasure, and I did
my best not to explain or excuse myself. But towards evening I felt very
exhausted and could not make my Holy Hour, so I asked Mother Superior to
allow me to go to bed early. I fell asleep as soon as I lay down, but at about
eleven o'clock Satan shook my bed. I awoke instantly, and I started to pray
peacefully to my Guardian Angel. Then I saw the souls who were doing penance
in purgatory. They appeared like shadows, and among them I saw many
demons. One of these tried to vex me; taking the form of a cat, he kept throwing
himself onto my bed and on my feet, and he was quite heavy, as if [weighing] a ton. I kept praying the rosary all the while, and toward dawn these beings vanished,
and I was able to get some sleep. When I entered the chapel in the morning I
heard a voice in my soul, You are united to Me; fear nothing. But know, my
child, that Satan hates you; he hates every soul, but he burns with a particular
hatred for you, because you have snatched so many souls from his dominion. Holy Thursday, April 18.
413 This morning I heard these words: From today until the [celebration of the]
Resurrection, you will not feel My presence, but your soul will be filled with
great longing. And immediately a great longing filled my soul; I felt a separation
from my beloved Jesus, and when the moment for Holy Communion came, I
saw the suffering Face of Jesus in every Host [contained] in the chalice. From
that moment, I felt a more intense yearning in my heart.
414 On Good Friday, at three o'clock in the afternoon, when I entered the
chapel, I heard these words: I desire that the image be publicly honored. Then I
saw the Lord Jesus dying on the Cross amidst great suffering, and out of the
Heart of Jesus came the same two rays as are in the image.
415 Saturday. During Vespers I saw the Lord Jesus radiant as the sun, in a
bright garment, and He said to me, May your heart be joyful. And great joy
flooded me, and I was penetrated with God's presence, which for the soul is a
treasure beyond words.
416 When the image was displayed,[94] I saw a sudden movement of the hand
of Jesus, as He made a large sign of the cross. In the evening of the same day,
when I had gone to bed, I saw the image going over the town, and the town was
covered with what appeared to be a mesh and nets. As Jesus passed, He cut
through all the nets and finally made a large sign of the cross and disappeared. I
saw myself surrounded by a multitude of malicious figures burning with hatred
for me. Various threats came from their lips, but none of them touched me. After
a moment, this apparition vanished, but for a long time I could not get to sleep.
417 [April] 26. On Friday, when I was at Ostra Brama to attend the ceremony
during which the image was displayed, I heard a sermon given by my confessor
[Father Sopocko]. This sermon about Divine Mercy was the first of the things
that Jesus had asked for so very long ago. When he began to speak about the
great mercy of the Lord, the image came alive and the rays pierced the hearts of
the people gathered there, but not all to the same degree. Some received more,
some less. Great joy filled my soul to see the grace of God. Then I heard the words, You are a witness of My mercy. You shall stand before
My throne forever as a living witness to My mercy.
418 When the sermon was over, I did not wait for the end of the service, as I
was in a hurry to get back home. When I had taken a few steps, a great
multitude of demons blocked my way. They threatened me with terrible tortures,
and voices could be heard: "She has snatched away everything we have worked
for over so many years!" When I asked them, "Where have you come from in
such great numbers?" the wicked forms answered, "Out of human hearts; stop
tormenting us!"
419 Seeing their great hatred for me, I immediately asked my Guardian Angel
for help, and at once the bright and radiant figure of my Guardian Angel
appeared and said to me, "Do not fear, spouse of my Lord; without His
permission these spirits will do you no harm." Immediately the evil spirits
vanished, and the faithful Guardian Angel accompanied me, in a visible manner,
right to the very house. His look was modest and peaceful, and a flame of fire
sparkled from his forehead. O Jesus, I would like to toil and wear myself out
and suffer all my life for that one moment in which I saw Your glory, O Lord,
and profit for souls. Sunday, [April] 28, 1935.
420 Low Sunday; that is, the Feast of The Divine Mercy, the conclusion of the
Jubilee of Redemption. When we went to take part in the celebrations, my heart
leapt with joy that the two solemnities were so closely united. I asked God for
mercy on the souls of sinners. Toward the end of the service, when the priest
took the Blessed Sacrament to bless the people, I saw the Lord Jesus as He is
represented in the image. The Lord gave His blessing, and the rays extended
over the whole world. Suddenly, I saw an impenetrable brightness in the form of
a crystal dwelling place, woven together from waves of a brilliance
unapproachable to both creatures and spirits. Three doors led to this
resplendence. At that moment, Jesus, as He is represented in the image, entered
this resplendence through the second door to the Unity within. It is a triple Unity,
which is incomprehensible-which is infinity. I heard a voice, This Feast emerged
from the very depths of My mercy, and it is confirmed in the vast depths of My
tender mercies. Every soul believing and trusting in My mercy will obtain it. I
was overjoyed at the immense goodness and greatness of my God. April 29, 1935.
421 On the eve of the exposition of the image, I went with our Mother Superior
to visit our confessor [Father Sopocko]. When the conversation touched upon
the image, the confessor asked for one of the sisters to help make some
wreaths. Mother Superior replied, "Sister Faustina will help." I was delighted at
this, and when we returned home, I immediately set about preparing some
greens, and with the help of one of our wards brought them over. Another
person, who works at the church, also helped. Everything was ready by seven
o'clock that evening, and the image was already hanging in its place. However,
some ladies saw me standing around there, for I was more a bother than a help,
and on the next day they asked the sisters what this beautiful image was and
what was its significance. Surely these sisters would know, [they thought] as one
of them had helped adorn it the day before. The sisters were very surprised as
they knew nothing about it; they all wanted to see it and immediately they began
to suspect me. They said, "Sister Faustina must certainly know all about it." When they began asking me, I was silent, since I could not tell the truth. My
silence increased their curiosity, and I was even more on my guard not to tell a
lie and not to tell the truth, since I had no permission [to do so]. Then they
started to show their displeasure and reproached me openly saying, "How is it
that outsiders know about this and we, nothing?" Various judgments were being
made about me. I suffered much for three days, but a special power took over
in my soul. I was happy to suffer for God and for the souls that have been
granted His mercy during these days. Seeing that so many souls have been
granted divine mercy these days, I regard as nothing even the greatest suffering
and toil, even if they were to continue till the end of the world; for they will come
to an end, while these souls have been saved from torments that are without
end. It was a great joy for me to see others returning to the source of happiness,
the bosom of The Divine Mercy.
422 Seeing Father Sopocko's sacrifice and efforts for this work, I admired his
patience and humility. This all cost a great deal, not only in terms of toil and
various troubles, but also of money; and Father Sopocko was taking care of all
the expenses. I can see that Divine Providence had prepared him to carry out
this work of mercy before I had asked God for this. Oh, how strange are Your
ways, O God! And how happy are the souls that follow the call of divine grace!
423 Praise the Lord, my soul, for everything, and glorify His mercy, for His
goodness is without end. Everything will pass, but His mercy is without limit or
end. And although evil will attain its measure, in mercy there is no measure. O my God, even in the punishments You send down upon the earth I see the
abyss of Your mercy, for by punishing us here on earth You free us from eternal
punishment. Rejoice, all you creatures, for you are closer to God in His infinite
mercy than a baby to its mother's heart. O God, You are compassion itself for
the greatest sinners who sincerely repent. The greater the sinner, the greater his
right to God's mercy. A Certain Moment, May 12, 1935
424 In the evening, I just about got into bed, and I fell asleep immediately.
Though I fell asleep quickly, I was awakened even more quickly. A little child
came and woke me up. The child seemed about a year old, and I was surprised
it could speak so well, as children of that age either do not speak or speak very
indistinctly The child was beautiful beyond words and resembled the Child
Jesus, and he said to me, Look at the sky. And when I looked at the sky I saw
the stars and the moon shining. Then the child asked me,Do you see this moon
and these stars? When I said yes, he spoke these words to me, These stars are
the souls of faithful Christians, and the moon is the souls of religious. Do you see
how great the difference is between the light of the moon and the light of the
stars? Such is the difference in heaven between the soul of a religious and the
soul of a faithful Christian. And he went on to say that, True greatness is in
loving God and in humility.
425 Then I saw a soul which was being separated from its body amid great
torment. O Jesus, as I am about to write this, I tremble at the sight of the
horrible things that bear witness against him.... I saw the souls of little children
and those of older ones, about nine years of age, emerging from some kind of a
muddy abyss. The souls were foul and disgusting, resembling the most terrible
monsters and decaying corpses. But the corpses were living and gave loud
testimony against the dying soul. And the soul I saw dying was a soul full of the
world's applause and honors, the end of which are emptiness and sin. Finally a
woman came out who was holding something like tears in her apron, and she
witnessed very strongly against him.
426 O terrible hour, at which one is obliged to see all one's deeds in their
nakedness and misery; not one of them is lost, they will all accompany us to
God's judgment. I can find no words or comparisons to express such terrible
things. And although it seems to me that this soul is not damned, nevertheless its
torments are in no way different from the torments of hell; there is only this
difference: that they will someday come to an end.
427 A moment later, I again saw the child who had awakened me. It was of
wondrous beauty and repeated these words to me, True greatness of the soul is
in loving God and in humility. I asked the child, "How do you know that true
greatness of the soul is in loving God and in humility? Only theologians know
about such things and you haven't even learned the catechism. So how do you
know?" To this he answered, I know; I know all things. And with that, He
disappeared.
428 But I could no longer get to sleep; my mind became exhausted by thinking
about the things I had seen. O human souls, how late you learn the truth! O
abyss of God's mercy, pour yourself out as quickly as possible over the whole
world, according to what You yourself have said. May, 1935. A Certain Moment.
429 When I became aware of God's great plans for me, I was frightened at their
greatness and felt myself quite incapable of fulfilling them, and I began to avoid
interior conversations with Him, filling up the time with vocal prayer. I did this
out of humility, but I soon recognized it was not true humility, but rather a great
temptation from the devil. When, on one occasion, instead of interior prayer, I
took up a book of spiritual reading, I heard these words spoken distinctly and
forcefully within my soul, You will prepare the world for My final coming. These
words moved me deeply, and although I pretended not to hear them, 1
understood them very well and had no doubt about them. Once, being tired out
from this battle of love with God, and making constant excuses on the grounds
that I was unable to carry out this task, I wanted to leave the chapel, but some
force held me back and I found myself powerless. Then I heard these words,
You intend to leave the chapel, but you shall not get away from Me, for I am
everywhere. You cannot do anything of yourself, but with me you can do all
things.
430 When, in the the course of the week, I went to see my confessor [Father
Sopocko], and revealed the condition of my soul to him, especially the fact that
I was avoiding interior conversation with God, I was told that I must not shrink
from interior conversation with God, but should listen intently to the words He
speaks to me.
431 I followed my confessor's advice, and at the first meeting with the Lord, I
fell at Jesus' feet and, with a griefstricken heart, apologized for everything. Then
Jesus lifted me up from the ground and sat me beside Him and let me put my
head on His breast, so that I could better understand and feel the desires of His
most sweet Heart. Then He spoke these words to me, My daughter, have fear
of nothing; I am always with you. All your adversaries will harm you only to the
degree that I permit them to do so. You are my dwelling place and my constant
repose. For your sake I will withhold the hand which punishes; for your sake I
bless the earth.
432 At that very moment, I felt some kind of fire in my heart. I feel my senses
deadening and have no idea of what is going on around me. I feel the Lord's
gaze piercing me through and through. I am very much aware of His greatness
and my misery. An extraordinary suffering pervades my soul, together with a joy
I cannot compare to anything. I feel powerless in the embrace of God. I feel that
I am in Him and that I am dissolved in Him like a drop of water in the ocean. I
cannot express what takes place within me; after such interior prayer, I feel
strength and power to practice the most difficult virtues. I feel dislike for all
things that the world holds in esteem. With all my soul I desire silence and
solitude.
433 May, 1935. During Forty Hours' Devotion I saw the face of the Lord Jesus
in the Sacred Host which was exposed in the monstrance. Jesus was looking
with kindness at everyone.
434 I often see the Child Jesus during Holy Mass. He is extremely beautiful. He
appears to be about one year old. Once, when I saw the same Child during
Mass in our chapel, I was seized with a violent desire and an irresistible longing
to approach the altar and take the Child Jesus. At that moment, the Child Jesus
was standing by me on the side of my kneeler, and He leaned with His two little
hands against my shoulder, gracious and joyful, His look deep and penetrating.
But when the priest broke the Host, Jesus was once again on the altar, and was
broken and consumed by the priest. After Holy Communion, I saw Jesus in the same way in my heart and felt Him
physically in my heart throughout the day. Unconsciously, a most profound
recollection took possession of me, and I did not exchange a word with anyone.
I avoided people as much as I could, always answering questions regarding my
duties, but beyond that, not a word. June 9, 1935. Pentecost.
435 As I was walking in the garden in the evening, I heard these words: By your
entreaties, you and your companions shall obtain mercy for yourselves and for
the world. I understood that I would not remain in the Congregation in which I
am at the present time.[95] I saw clearly that God's will regarding me was
otherwise. But 1 kept making excuses before God, telling Him that I was unable
to carry out this task. "Jesus, You know very well what I am" [I said], and I
started enumerating my weaknesses to the Lord, hiding behind them so that He
would agree that I was unable to carry out His plans. Then I heard these words:
Do not fear; I myself will make up for everything that is lacking in you. But these
words penetrated me to my depths and made me even more aware of my
misery, and I understood that the word of the Lord is living and that it penetrates
to the very depths. I understood that God demands a more perfect way of life of
me. However, I kept using my incompetence as an excuse.
436 June 29, 1935. When I talked to my spiritual director [Father Sopocko]
about various things that the Lord was asking of me, I thought he would tell me
that I was incapable of accomplishing all those things, and that the Lord Jesus
did not use miserable souls like me for the works He wanted done. But I heard
words [to the effect] that it was just such souls that God chooses most
frequently to carry out His plans. This priest is surely guided by the Spirit of
God; he has penetrated the secrets of my soul, the deepest secrets which were
between me and God, about which I had not yet spoken to him, because I had
not understood them myself, and the Lord had not clearly ordered me to tell
him. The secret is this: God demands that there be a Congregation which will
proclaim the mercy of God to the world and, by its prayers, obtain it for the
world. When the priest asked me if I had not had any such inspirations, I replied
that I had not had any clear orders; but at that instant a light penetrated my soul,
and I understood that the Lord was speaking through him.
437 In vain had I defended myself by saying I had not received any clear
orders, for at the end of our conversation I saw the Lord Jesus on the threshold,
as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, I desire that there be such
a Congregation.[96] This lasted only a moment. Yet I did not tell him about it
right away, as I was in a hurry to get back home, and I kept repeating to the
Lord, "I am unable to carry out Your plans, O Lord!" But, strangely enough,
Jesus paid no attention to my appeals, but gave me to see and understand how
pleasing this work was to Him. He took no account of my weakness, but gave
me to know how many difficulties I must overcome. And I, His poor creature,
could say nothing but "I am incapable of it, O my God!"
438 June 30, 1935. At the very beginning of Holy Mass on the following day, I
saw Jesus in all His unspeakable beauty. He said to me that He desired that
such a Congregation be founded as soon as possible, and you shall live in it
together with your companions. My Spirit shall be the rule of your life. Your life
is to be modeled on Mine, from the crib to My death on the Cross. Penetrate
My mysteries, and you will know the abyss of My mercy towards creatures and
My unfathomable goodness-and this you shall make known to the world.
Through your prayers, you shall mediate between heaven and earth.
439 Then came the moment to receive Holy Communion, and Jesus
disappeared, and I saw a great brightness. Then I heard these words: We give
Our blessing, and at that moment a bright ray issued from that light and pierced
my heart; an extraordinary fire was enkindled in my soul-I thought I would die of
joy and happiness. I felt the separation of my spirit from my body. I felt totally
immersed in God, I felt I was snatched up by the Almighty, like a particle of
dust, into unknown expanses. Trembling with joy in the embrace of the Creator, I felt He himself was
supporting me so that I could bear this great happiness and gaze at His Majesty.
I know now that, if He himself had not first strengthened me by His grace, my
soul would not have been able to bear the happiness, and I would have died in
an instant. Holy Mass came to an end I know not when, for it was beyond my
power to pay attention to what was going on in the chapel. But when I
recovered my senses, I felt the strength and courage to do God's will; nothing
seemed difficult to me; and whereas I had previously been making excuses to
the Lord, I now felt the Lord's courage and strength within me, and I said to the
Lord, "I am ready for every beck and call of Your will!" Interiorly, I had gone
through everything that I war going to experience in the future.
440 O my Creator and Lord, my entire being is Yours! Dispose of me
according to Your divine pleasure and according to Your eternal plans and
Your unfathomable mercy. May every soul know how good the Lord is; may no
soul fear to commune intimately with the Lord; may no soul use unworthiness as
an excuse, and may it never postpone [accepting] God's invitations, for that is
not pleasing to the Lord. There is no soul more wretched than I am, as I truly
know myself, and I am astounded that divine Majesty stoops so low. O eternity,
it seems to me that you are too short to extol [adequately] the infinite mercy of
the Lord!
441 Once, the image was being exhibited over the altar during the Corpus
Christi procession [June 20, 1935]. When the priest exposed the Blessed
Sacrament, and the choir began to sing, the rays from the image pierced the
Sacred Host and spread out all over the world. Then I heard these words:
These rays of mercy will pass through you, just as they have passed through this
Host, and they will go out through all the world. At these words, profound joy
invaded my soul.
442 Once when my confessor [Father Sopocko] was saying Mass, I saw, as
usual, the Child Jesus on the altar, from the time of the Offertory. However, a
moment before the Elevation, the priest vanished from my sight, and Jesus alone
remained. When the moment of the Elevation approached, Jesus took the Host
and the chalice in His little hands and raised them together, looking up to
heaven, and a moment later I again saw my confessor. I asked the Child Jesus
where the priest had been during the time I had not seen him. Jesus answered,
In My Heart. But I could not understand anything more of these words of Jesus. 443 On one occasion I heard these words, I desire that you live according to
My will, in the most secret depths of your soul. I reflected on these words,
which spoke very much to my heart. This was on the day of confessions for the
community. When I went to confession and had accused myself of my sins, the
priest [Father Sopocko] repeated to me the same words that the Lord had
previously spoken.
444 The priest spoke these profound words to me, "There are three degrees in
the accomplishment of God's will: in the first, the soul carries out all rules and
statutes pertaining to external observance; in the second degree, the soul
accepts interior inspirations and carries them out faithfully; in the third degree,
the soul, abandoned to the will of God, allows Him to dispose of it freely, and
God does with it as He pleases, and it is a docile tool in His hands." And the
priest said that I was at the second degree in the accomplishment of God's will
and that I had not yet reached the third degree, but that I should strive to attain
it. These words pierced my soul. I see clearly that God often gives the priest
knowledge of what is going on in the depths of my soul. This does not surprise
me at all; indeed, I thank God that He has such chosen persons. Thursday, Nocturnal Adoration.
445 When I came for adoration, an inner recollection took hold of me
immediately, and I saw the Lord Jesus tied to a pillar, stripped of His clothes,
and the scourging began immediately. I saw four men who took turns at striking
the Lord with scourges. My heart almost stopped at the sight of these tortures.
The Lord said to me, I suffer even greater pain than that which you see. And
Jesus gave me to know for what sins He subjected himself to the scourging:
these are sins of impurity. Oh, how dreadful was Jesus' moral suffering during
the scourging! Then Jesus said to me, Look and see the human race in its
present condition. In an instant, I saw horrible things: the executioners left Jesus,
and other people started scourging Him; they seized the scourges and struck the
Lord mercilessly. These were priests, religious men and women; and high
dignitaries of the Church, which surprised me greatly. There were lay people of
all ages and walks of life. All vented their malice on the innocent Jesus. Seeing
this, my heart fell as if into a mortal agony. And while the executioners had been
scourging Him, Jesus had been silent and looking into the distance; but when
those other souls I mentioned scourged Him, Jesus closed His eyes, and a soft,
but most painful moan escaped from His Heart. And Jesus gave me to know in
detail the gravity of the malice of these ungrateful souls: You see, this is a torture
greater than My death. Then my lips too fell silent, and I began to experience the
agony of death, and I felt that no one would comfort me or snatch me from that
state but the One who had put me into it. Then the Lord said to me, I see the
sincere pain of your heart which brought great solace to My Heart. See and
take comfort.
446 Then I saw the Lord Jesus nailed to the cross. When He had hung on it for
a while, I saw a multitude of souls crucified like Him. Then I saw a second
multitude of souls, and a third. The second multitude were not nailed to [their]
crosses, but were holding them firmly in their hands. The third were neither
nailed to [their] crosses nor holding them firmly in their hands, but were dragging
[their] crosses behind them and were discontent. Jesus then said to me, Do you
see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will
be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in pain and contempt
will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory. Among the crucified souls, the most numerous were those of the clergy. I also
saw some crucified souls whom I knew, and this gave me great joy. Then Jesus
said to me, In your meditation tomorrow, you shall think about what you have
seen today. And immediately Jesus disappeared on me.
447 Friday. I was ill and could not attend Holy Mass. At seven o'clock in the
morning I saw my confessor celebrating Holy Mass, during which I saw the
Child Jesus. Toward the end of Mass, the vision disappeared, and I found
myself back in my cell as before. Indescribable joy took hold of me because,
although I could not go to Mass in our own chapel, I had assisted at it in a
church which was far distant. Jesus has a remedy for everything. July 30, 1935. August 5, 1935. The Feast of Our Lady of Mercy.
448 Feast of St. Ignatius. I prayed fervently to this Saint, reproaching him for
looking on and not coming to my aid in such important matters as doing the will
of God. I said to him, "You, our Patron, who were inflamed with the fire of love
and zeal for the greater glory of God, I humbly beg you to help me to carry out
God's designs. "[97] This was during Holy Mass. Then I saw Saint Ignatius at
the left side of the altar, with a large book in his hand. And he spoke these
words to me, "My daughter, I am not indifferent to your cause. This rule can be
adapted, and it can be adapted to this Congregation." And gesturing with his
hand toward the big book, he disappeared. I rejoiced greatly at the fact of how
much the saints think of us and of how closely we are united with them. Oh, the
goodness of God! How beautiful is the spiritual world, that already here on earth
we commune with the saints! All day long, I could feel the presence of this dear
Patron Saint.
449 I prepared for this feast with greater zeal than in previous years. On the
morning of the feast itself, I experienced an inner struggle at the thought that I
must leave this Congregation which enjoys such special protection from Mary.
This struggle lasted through the meditation and through the first Mass as well.
During the second Mass, I turned to our Holy Mother, telling Her that it was
difficult for me to separate myself from this Congregation... "which is under Your
special protection, O Mary." Then I saw the Blessed Virgin, unspeakably
beautiful. She came down from the altar to my kneeler, held me close to herself
and said to me, I am Mother to you all, thanks to the unfathomable mercy of
God. Most pleasing to Me is that soul which faithfully carries out the will of
God. She gave me to understand that I had faithfully fulfilled the will of God and
had thus found favor in His eyes. Be courageous. Do not fear apparent
obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the Passion of My Son, and in this way you
will be victorious. Nocturnal Adoration.
450 I was suffering very much, and it seemed to me I would not be able to
make my adoration, but I gathered up all my will power and, although I
collapsed in my cell, I paid no attention to what ailed me, for I had the Passion
of Jesus before my eyes. When I entered the chapel, I received an inner
understanding of the great reward that God is preparing for us, not only for our
good deeds, but also for our sincere desire to perform them. What a great grace
of God this is! Oh, how sweet it is to toil for God and souls! I want no respite in this battle, but
I shall fight to the last breath for the glory of my King and Lord. I shall not lay
the sword aside until He calls me before His throne; I fear no blows, because
God is my shield. It is the enemy who should fear us, and not we him. Satan
defeats only the proud and the cowardly, because the humble are strong.
Nothing will confuse or frighten a humble soul. I have directed my flight at the
very center of the sun's heat, and nothing can lower its course. Love will not
allow itself to be taken prisoner; it is free like a queen. Love attains God. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
451 Once after Holy Communion, I heard these words: You are Our dwelling
place. At that moment, I felt in my soul the presence of the Holy Trinity, the
Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I felt that I was the temple of God. I felt I
was a child of the Father. I cannot explain all this, but the spirit understands it
well. O infinite Goodness, how low You stoop to Your miserable creature!
452 If only souls would become recollected, God would speak to them at once,
for dissipation drowns out the word of the Lord.
453 On one occasion, the Lord said to me, Why are you fearful and why do
you tremble when you are united to Me? I am displeased when a soul yields to
vain terror. Who will dare to touch you when you are with Me? Most dear to
Me is the soul that strongly believes in My goodness and has complete trust in
Me. I heap My confidence upon it and give it all it asks.
454 Once, the Lord said to me, My daughter, take the graces that others spurn;
take as many as you can carry. At that moment, my soul was inundated with the
love of God. I feel that I am united with the Lord so closely that I cannot find
words to express that union; in this state I suddenly feel that all the things God
has, all the goods and treasures, are mine, although I set little store by them, for
He alone is enough for me. In Him I see my everything; without Him-nothing. I look for no happiness beyond my own interior where God dwells. I rejoice
that God dwells within me; here I abide with Him unendingly; it is here that my
greatest intimacy with Him exists; here I dwell with Him in safety; here is a place
not probed by the human eye. The Blessed Virgin encourages me to commune
with God in this way.
455 When some suffering afflicts me, it no longer causes me any bitterness, nor
do great consolations carry me away, I am filled with the peace and equanimity
that flow from the knowledge of the truth. How can living surrounded by unfriendly hearts do me any harm when I enjoy
full happiness within my soul'? Or how can having kind hearts around me help
me when I do not have God within me? When God dwells within me, who can
harm me? + J.M.J. Vilnius, August 12, 1935 Three-day Retreat.
456 On the evening of the introductory day of the retreat, as I listened to the
points for the meditation, I heard these words: During this retreat I will speak to
you through the mouth of this priest to strengthen you and assure you of the truth
of the words which I address to you in the depths of your soul. Although this is a
retreat for all the sisters, I have you especially in mind, as I want to strengthen
you and make you fearless in the midst of all the adversities which lie ahead.
Therefore, listen intently to his words and meditate upon them in the depths of
your soul.
457 Oh, how astonished I was, for everything the Father said about union with
God and the obstacles to this union I had experienced literally in my soul and
heard from Jesus, who speaks to me in the depths of my soul. Perfection
consists in this close union with God.
458 During the ten-o'clock meditation, Father [Rzyczkowski [98]] spoke about
divine mercy and about God's goodness to us. He said that as we review the
history of mankind, we can see this great goodness of God at every step. All the
attributes of God, such as omnipotence and wisdom, serve to reveal to us the
greatest of His attributes; namely, His goodness. God's goodness is the greatest
of God's attributes. Many souls striving for perfection, however, are not aware
of this great goodness of God. Everything that Father said in the course of the
meditation about the goodness of God, was exactly what Jesus had said to me
concerning (the Feast of Mercy. I have now come to understand clearly what
the Lord has promised me, and I have no doubt about anything; God's language
is clear and distinct.
459 Throughout that entire meditation I saw the Lord Jesus on the altar, in a
white garment, His hand holding the notebook in which I write these things.
Throughout the entire meditation Jesus kept turning the pages of the notebook
and remained silent; however, my heart could not bear the fire that was
enkindled in my soul. Despite the great effort of my will to take control of myself
and not let others see what was going on in my soul, toward the end of the
meditation I felt that I was completely beyond my own control. Then Jesus said
to me, You have not written everything in the notebook about My goodness
towards humankind; I desire that you omit nothing; I desire that your heart be
firmly grounded in total peace.
460 O Jesus, my heart stops beating when I think of all You are doing for me! I
am amazed at You, Lord, that Yon would stoop so low to my wretched soul!
What inconceivable means You take to convince me!
461 This is the first time in my life that I have made such a retreat. I understand
in a special and clear way every single word that Father speaks, for I have first
experienced it all in my soul. I now see that Jesus will not leave in doubt any soul
that loves Him sincerely. Jesus wants the soul that is in close communion with
Him to be filled with peace, despite sufferings and adversities.
462 Now I understand well that what unites our soul most closely to God is
self-denial; that is, joining our will to the will of God. This is what makes the soul
truly free, contributes to profound recollection of the spirit, and makes all life's
burdens light, and death sweet.
463 Jesus told me that if I should have any doubts regarding the feast or the
founding of the Congregation,- or regarding anything else about which I have
spoken in the depths of your soul, I will reply immediately through the mouth of
this priest.
464 During a meditation on humility, an old doubt returned: that a soul as
miserable as mine could not carry out the task which the Lord was demanding
[of me]. Just as I was analyzing this doubt, the priest who was conducting the
retreat interrupted his train of thought and spoke about the very thing I was
having doubts about; namely, that God usually chooses the weakest and
simplest souls as tools for His greatest works; that we can see that this is an
undeniable truth when we look at the men He chose to be His apostles; or
again, when we look at the history of the Church and see what great works
were done by souls that were the least capable of accomplishing them; for it is
just in this way that God's works are revealed for what they are, the works of
God. When my doubt had completely disappeared, the priest resumed his
conference on humility. Jesus was standing, as He usually did during each conference, on the altar and
said nothing to me, but with His kindly gaze pierced my poor soul which no
longer had any excuse.
465 Jesus, my Life, how well I feel that You are transforming me into Yourself,
in the secrecy of my soul where the senses can no longer perceive much. O my
Savior, conceal me completely in the depths of Your Heart and shield me with
Your rays against everything that is not You. I beg You, Jesus, let the two rays
that have issued from Your most merciful Heart continuously nourish my soul.
466 Time of Confession. My confessor [Father Sopocko] asked me if at that moment Jesus was there
and if I could see Him. "Yes, He is here, and I can see Him." He then told me to
ask Jesus about certain persons. Jesus did not answer me, but looked at him.
However, after the confession, when I was reciting my penance, Jesus spoke
these words to me: Go and console him on my behalf. Not understanding the
meaning of these words, I immediately repeated to him what Jesus had told me
to do.
467 Throughout the whole retreat, I was in uninterrupted communion with Jesus
and entered into an intimate relationship with Him with all the might of my heart.
468 The day of the renewal of vows. At the beginning of Holy Mass, I saw
Jesus in the usual way. He blessed us and then entered the tabernacle. Then I
saw the Mother of God in a white garment and blue mantle, with Her head
uncovered. She approached me from the altar, touched me with Her hands and
covered me with Her mantle, saying, Offer these vows for Poland. Pray for her.
This was on August fifteen.
469 On the evening of that same day, I felt in my soul a great yearning for God.
I do not see Him at this moment with my bodily eyes as I have on other
occasions, but I sense His presence and yet do not grasp Him [with my mind J.
This causes me great yearning and torment beyond words. I am dying from the
desire to possess Him, to be drowned in Him forever. My spirit pursues Him
with all its might; there is nothing in the world that could comfort me. O Love
Eternal, now I understand in what close intimacy my heart was with You! For
what else can satisfy me in heaven or on earth except You, O my God, in
Whom my soul is drowned.
470 One evening, as I looked up from my cell to the sky and saw the beautiful
star-strewn firmament and the moon, an inconceivable fire of love for my
Creator welled up within my soul and, unable to bear the yearning for Him that
arose within my soul, I fell on my face, humbling myself in the dust. I glorified
Him for all His works and, when my heart could no longer bear what was going
on within it, I wept aloud. Then my Guardian Angel touched me and spoke to
me these words: "The Lord orders me to tell you to rise from the ground." I did
so immediately, but felt no consolation in my soul. The yearning for God grew
even stronger in me.
471 One day, when I was at adoration, and my spirit seemed to be dying for
Him, and I could no longer hold back my tears, I saw a spirit of great beauty
who spoke these words to me: "Don't cry-says the Lord." After a moment I
asked, "Who are you?" He answered me, "I am one of the seven spirits who
stand before the throne of God day and night and give Him ceaseless praise."
Yet this spirit did not soothe my yearning, but roused me to even greater longing
for God. This spirit is very beautiful, and his beauty comes from close union with
God. This spirit does not leave me for a single moment, but accompanies me everywhere. On the following day during Holy Mass, before the Elevation, this spirit began to
sing these words: "Holy, Holy, Holy." His voice was like that of a thousand
voices; it is impossible to put it into words. Suddenly my spirit was united with
God, and in that instant I saw the grandeur and the inconceivable holiness of
God and, at the same time, I realized the nothingness I am of myself.
472 I knew, more distinctly than ever before, the Three Divine Persons, the
Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. But their being, their equality and their
majesty are one. My soul is in communion with these Three; but I do not know
how to express this in words; yet my soul understands it well. Whoever is united
to One of the Three Persons is thereby united to the whole Blessed Trinity, for
this Oneness is indivisible. This vision, or rather, this knowledge filled my soul
with unimaginable happiness, because God is so great. What I am describing I
did not see with my eyes, as on previous occasions, but in a purely interior
manner, in a purely spiritual way, independent of the senses. This continued until
the end of Holy Mass. This now happens often to me, and not only in the chapel, but also at work and
at times when I least expect it.
473 When our confessor [Father Sopocko] was away, I confessed to the
Archbishop [Romuald Jalbrzykowski [99]]. When I revealed my soul to him, I
received this reply: "My daughter, arm yourself with great patience; if these
things come from God, they will be realized sooner or later. So be completely at
peace. I understand you very well in this matter, my daughter. And now, as
regards your leaving the Congregation and thinking of another one, do not
entertain such thoughts, for this would be a serious interior temptation." After
this confession, I said to the Lord Jesus, "Why do Yon command me to do such
things and yet do not make it possible to accomplish them?" Then I saw the
Lord Jesus after Holy Communion in the same little chapel where I had gone to
confession, in the same way in which He is represented in the image. The Lord
said to me, Do not be sad. I will give him to understand the things I am asking of
you. When we were leaving, the Archbishop was very busy, but he told us to
return and wait a bit. When we entered the chapel again, I heard these words in
my soul: Tell him what you have seen in this chapel. At that very moment the
Archbishop came in and asked if we did not have something to tell him. But
although I had been commanded to tell him, I could not do so because I was in
the company of one of the sisters. One more word from the Holy Confession: "To entreat mercy for the world is a
great and beautiful idea. Pray much, Sister, pray for mercy upon sinners, but do
it in your own convent." The following day, Friday, September 13, 1935.
474 In the evening, when I was in my cell, I saw an Angel, the executor of
divine wrath. He was clothed in a dazzling robe, his face gloriously bright, a
cloud beneath his feet. From the cloud, bolts of thunder and flashes of lightning
were springing into his hands; and from his hand they were going forth, and only
then were they striking the earth. When I saw this sign of divine wrath which
was about to strike the earth, and in particular a certain place, which for good
reasons I cannot name, I began to implore the Angel to hold off for a few
moments, and the world would do penance. But my plea was a mere nothing in
the face of the divine anger. Just then I saw the Most Holy Trinity. The greatness
of Its majesty pierced me deeply, and I did not dare to repeat my entreaties. At
that very moment I felt in my soul the power of Jesus' grace, which dwells in my
soul. When I became conscious of this grace, I was instantly snatched up before
the Throne of God. Oh, how great is our Lord and God and how
incomprehensible His holiness! I will make no attempt to describe this greatness,
because before long we shall all see Him as He is. I found myself pleading with
God for the world with words heard interiorly. As I was praying in this manner, I saw the Angel's helplessness: he could not
carry out the just punishment which was rightly due for sins. Never before had I
prayed with such inner power as I did then.
475 The words with which I entreated God are these: Eternal Father, I offer
You the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our
Lord Jesus Christ for our sins and those of the whole world; for the sake of His
sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us.
476 The next morning, when I entered chapel, I heard these words interiorly:
Every time you enter the chapel, immediately recite the prayer which I taught
you yesterday. When I had said the prayer, in my soul I heard these words: This
prayer will serve to appease My wrath. You will recite it for nine days, on the
beads of the rosary, in the following manner: First of all, you will say one OUR
FATHER and HAIL MARY and the I BELIEVE IN GOD. Then on the OUR
FATHER beads you will say the following words: "Eternal Father, I offer You
the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, Our Lord
Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world." On the
HAIL MARY beads you will say the following words: "For the sake of His
sorrowful Passion have mercy on us and on the whole world." In conclusion,
three times you will recite these words: "Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy
Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world." [100]
477 Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle. A talkative soul will never attain
sanctity. The sword of silence will cut off everything that would like to cling to
the soul. We are sensitive to words and quickly want to answer back, without
taking any regard as to whether it is God's will that we should speak. A silent
soul 14 strong; no adversities will harm it if it perseveres in silence. The silent
soul is capable of attaining the closest union with God. It lives almost always
under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. God works in a silent soul without
hindrance.
478 O my Jesus, You know, You alone know well that m heart knows no other
love but You! All my virginal love is drowned eternally in You, O Jesus! I sense
keenly ho Your divine Blood is circulating in my heart; I have no the least doubt
that Your most pure love has entered m heart with Your most sacred Blood. I
am aware did You are dwelling in me, together with the Father and the Holy
Spirit, or ratherIam aware that it is I who it living in You, O incomprehensible
God! I am aware that I am dissolving in You like a drop in an ocean. I am
aware that You are within me and all about me, that You are in all things that
surround me, in all that happens to me. O my God, I have come to know You
within my heart, and I have loved You above all things that exist on earth or in
heaven. Our hearts have a mutual understanding, and no one of humankind will
comprehend this.
479 My second confession to the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski]. "Know, my
daughter, that if this is the will of God, it will take place sooner or later, for
God's will must be done. Love God in your heart, have..." ( unfinished thought].
480 September 29. The Feast of Saint Michael the Archangel. I have become
interiorly united with God. His presence penetrates me to my very depths and
fills me with peace, joy and amazement. After such moments of prayer, I am
filled with strength and an extraordinary courage to stiffer and struggle. Nothing
terrifies me, even if the whole world should turn against me. All adversities touch
only the surface, but they have no entry to the depths, because God, who
strengthens me, who fills me, dwells there. All the snares of the enemy are
crushed at His footstool. During these moments of union, God sustains me with
His might. His might passes on to me and makes me capable of loving Him. A
soul never reaches this state by its own efforts. At the beginning of this interior
grace, I was filled with fright, and I started to give in to it; but very quickly, the
Lord let me know how much this displeases Him. But it is also He, Himself, who
set my fears at rest.
481 Almost every feast of the Church gives me a deeper knowledge of God and
a special grace. That is why I prepare myself for each feast and unite myself
closely with the spirit of the Church. What a joy it is to be a faithful child of the
Church! Oh, how much I love Holy Church and all those who live in it! I look
upon them as living members of Christ, who is their Head. I burn with love with
those who love; I suffer with those who suffer, I am consumed with sorrow at
the sight of those whoa are cold and ungrateful; and I then try to have such a
love for God that it will make amends for those who do not love Him, those
who feed their Savior with ingratitude at its worst.
482 O my God, I am conscious of my mission in the Holy Church. It is my
constant endeavor to plead for me mercy for the world. I unite myself closely
with Jesus and stand before Him as an atoning sacrifice on behalf of the world.
God will refuse me nothing when I entreat Him with the voice of His Son. My
sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it
becomes all-powerful and has the power to appease divine wrath. God loves us
in His Son; the painful Passion of the Son of God constantly turns aside the
wrath of God.
483 O God, how I desire that souls come to know You and to see that You
have created them because of Your unfathomable love. O my Creator and
Lord, I feel that I am going to remove the veil of heaven so that earth will not
doubt Your goodness. Make of me, Jesus, a pure and agreeable offering before the Face of Your
Father. Jesus, transform me, miserable and sinful as I am, into Your own self
(for You can do all things), and give me to Your Eternal Father. I want t
become a sacrificial host before You, but an ordinary wafer to people. I want
the fragrance of my sacrifice be known to You alone. O Eternal God, an
unquenchable fire of supplication for Your mercy burns within me. I know and
understand that this is my task here and in eternity. You yourself have told me to
speak about this great mercy and about Your goodness.
484 On a certain occasion, I understood how very displeased God is with an
act, however commendable, that does not bear the stamp of a pure intention.
Such deeds incite God to punishment rather than to reward. May such deeds be
as few as possible in our lives; indeed, in religious life, there should be none at
all.
485 I accept joy or suffering, praise or humiliation with the same disposition. I
remember that one and the other are passing. What does it matter to me what
people say about me? I have long ago given up everything that concerns my
person. My name is host-or sacrifice, not in words but in deeds, in the emptying
of myself and in becoming like You on the Cross, O good Jesus, my Master!
486 Jesus, when You come to me in Holy Communion, You who together with
the Father and the Holy Spirit have deigned to dwell in the little heaven of my
heart, I try to keep You company throughout the day, I do not leave You alone
for even a moment. Although I am in the company of other people or with our
wards, my heart is always united to Him. When I am asleep I offer Him every
beat of my heart; when I awaken I immerse myself in Him without saying a
word. When I awaken I adore the Holy Trinity for a short while and thank God
for having deigned to give me yet another day, that the mystery of the
incarnation of His Son may once more be repeated in me, and that once again
His sorrowful Passion may unfold before my eyes. I then try to make it easier
for Jesus to pass through me to other souls. I go everywhere with Jesus; His
presence accompanies me everywhere.
487 In the sufferings of soul or body, I try to keep silence, for then my spirit
gains the strength that flows from the Passion of Jesus. I have ever before my
eyes His sorrowful Face, abused and disfigured, His divine Heart pierced by our
sins and especially by the ingratitude of chosen souls.
488 Twice I was exhorted to make myself ready for sufferings awaiting me in
Warsaw. The first warning was given interiorly by a voice I heard, and the
second took place during Holy Mass. Before the elevation, I saw the Lord
Jesus on the Cross and He said to me, Prepare yourself for sufferings. I thanked
the Lord for the grace of this warning and said to Him, "I am certainly not going
t suffer more than You, my Savior." However, I took this to heart and kept
strengthening myself through prayer and little sufferings so that I would be able
to endure when the greater ones come. October 19, 1935. Trip from Vilnius to Cracow for an Eight-day Retreat
489 On Friday evening during the rosary, when I was thinking about tomorrow's
journey and about the importance of the matter which I was to present to Father
Andrasz,[101] fear seized me at the sight of my misery and incapability, and of
the greatness of God work. Crushed by this suffering, I submitted myself to the
will of God. At that moment, I saw Jesus, in a bright garment, near my kneeler.
He said, Why are you afraid to do My will? Will I not help you as I have done
thus far? Repeat every one of My demands to those who represent Me on
earth, but do only what they tell you to do. At that, a certain strength entered my
soul.
490 The next morning, I saw my Guardian Angel, who accompanied me
throughout the journey as far as Warsaw. He disappeared when we entered the
convent gate. Just as we were passing the little chapel on the way to greet the
superiors, God's presence took hold of me and the Lord filled me with the fire
of His love. At such moments, I always have a better understanding oft
greatness of His majesty. When we took our seats on the train from Warsaw to Cracow, I once again
saw my Guardian Angel at my side. He was absorbed in prayer and in
contemplating God, and I followed him with my thoughts. When arrived at the
convent entrance, he disappeared.
491 When I entered the chapel, once again the majesty of God overwhelmed
me. I felt that I was immersed in God, totally immersed in Him and penetrated
by Him, being aware of how much the heavenly Father loves us. Oh, what great
happiness fills my heart from knowing God and the divine life! It is my desire to
share this happiness with all people. I cannot keep this happiness locked in my
own heart alone, for His flames burn me and cause my bosom and my entrails to
burst asunder. I desire to go throughout the whole world and speak to souls
about the great mercy of God. Priests, help me in this; use the strongest words
[at your disposal] to proclaim His mercy, for every word falls short of how
merciful He really is. + J.M.J. Cracow, October 20, 1935. Eight-day Retreat.
492 Eternal God, Goodness itself, whose mercy is incomprehensible to every
intellect, whether human or angelic, help me, your feeble child, to do Your holy
will as You make it known to me. I desire nothing but to fulfill God's desires.
Lord, here are my soul and my body, my mind and my will, my heart and all my
love. Rule me according to Your eternal plans. 493 After Holy Communion, my soul was again flooded with God's love. I
rejoiced in His greatness. Here I see distinctly His will, which I am to carry out,
and at the same time my own weakness and misery; I see how I can do nothing
without His help. Second Day of Retreat.
494 When I was about to go to the parlor to see Father Andrasz, I felt
frightened because the secret is binding only in the confessional. This was a
groundless fear. One word from Mother Superior set me at ease about it.
Meanwhile, when I entered the chapel, I heard these words in my soul: I want
you to be open and simple as a child with My representative just as you are with
Me; otherwise I will leave you and will not commune with you. Truly, God gave me the great grace of complete confidence, and after the
conversation, God granted me the grace of deep peace and light concerning
these matters.
495 Jesus, Eternal Light, enlighten my mind, strengthen my will, inflame my heart
and be with me as You have promised, for without You I am nothing. You
know, Jesus, how weak lam. l do not need to tell You this, for You yourself
know perfectly well how wretched I am. It is in You that all my strength lies.
496 Confession Day. From early morning, the turmoil in my soul was more
violent than anything I had ever experienced before. Complete abandonment by
God; I felt the utter weakness that I was. Thoughts bore in upon me: why should
I leave this convent where I am loved by the sisters and superiors, where life is
so tranquil; [where I am] bound by perpetual vows and carry out my duties
without difficulty; why should I listen to the voice of my conscience; why follow
an inspiration coming from who knows where; wouldn't it be better to carry on
like all the other sisters? Perhaps the Lord's words could be stifled, not taken
heed of; maybe God will not demand an account of them on the day of
judgment. Where will this inner voice lead me? If I follow it, what tremendous
difficulties, tribulations and adversities are in store for me. I fear the future, and I
am agonizing in the present. This suffering continued with the same intensity throughout the whole day.
When, in the evening, my turn came for confession, I could not make a full
confession, even though I had been preparing for a long time. I received
absolution and left, not knowing what was going on within me. When I went to
bed, the suffering grew even worse; or rather, it changed into a fire which
penetrated all the faculties of my soul like lightning, piercing me to the marrow,
and to the most secret recesses of my heart. In the midst of this suffering, I was
unable to bring myself to do anything. "Your will be done, Lord." At times I
could not even think these words. Truly, a deadly fear had taken hold of me,
and the flames of hell were touching me. Toward morning, silence set in, and my
tribulations disappeared in the twinkling of an eye, but I felt so frightfully
exhausted that I could not even move. During my conversation with Mother
Superior, my strength returned bit by bit, but God alone knows how I felt
throughout that whole day.
497 O Eternal Truth, Word Incarnate, who most faithfully fulfilled Your Father's
will, today I am becoming a martyr of Your inspirations, since I cannot carry
them out because I have no will of my own, though interiorly I see Your will
clearly. I submit in everything to the will of my superiors and my confessor. I will
follow Your will insofar as You will permit me to do so through Your
representative. O my Jesus, it cannot be helped, but I give priority to the voice
of the Church over the voice with which You speak to me. After Holy Communion
498 I saw Jesus in the usual way, and He spoke these words to me: Lay your
head on my shoulder, rest and regain your strength. I am always with you. Tell
the friend of My Heart that I use such feeble creatures to carry out My work.
After a while my spirit was strengthened with great power. Tell him that I had let
him see your weakness during your confession to show him what you are of
yourself.
499 Each battle valiantly fought brings me joy, peace, light, experience and courage for the future; honor and glory to God; and in the end, for me, a reward. Today is the Feast of Christ the King. [October 27, 1935]
500 During Holy Mass I prayed fervently that Jesus might become King of all
hearts and that divine grace might shine in every soul. Then I saw Jesus as He is
depicted in the image, and He said to me, My daughter, you give Me the
greatest glory by faithfully fulfilling My desires. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 1
501 Oh, how great is Your beauty, Jesus my Spouse! Living Flower enclosing
life-giving dew for a thirsting soul! My soul is drowned in You. You alone are
the object of my desires and strivings. Unite me as closely as possible to
Yourself, to the Father and to the Holy Spirit. Let me live and die in You.
502 Only love has meaning; it raises up our smallest actions into infinity.
503 My Jesus, truly I would not know how to live without You-my spirit is
welded to Yours. No one can really understand this; one must first live in You in
order to recognize You in others. Cracow, October 25, 1935. Retreat Resolutions.
504 Not to do anything without the permission of my confessor and the consent
of my superiors in all things, but especially regarding these inspirations and
demands of the Lord. All my free time I will spend with the Divine Guest within my soul; I will
safeguard my interior and exterior silence so that Jesus can rest in my heart. My sweetest repose will be in serving and obliging the sisters, in forgetting about
myself and thinking of how to please the sisters. I will not offer explanations on my own behalf or seek to vindicate myself when
criticized; I will let others judge me as they will. I have only one trusted Friend in whom I confide everything, and that is
Jesus-the Eucharist, and His . representative-my confessor. In the midst of all sufferings, both physical and spiritual, as well as in darkness
and desolation, I will remain silent, like a dove, and not complain. I will empty myself continually at His feet in order to obtain mercy for poor souls. J.M.J. Cracow, October 27, 1935. Father Andrasz-Spiritual Counsel.
505 All my nothingness is drowned in the sea of Your mercy. With the
confidence of a child, I throw myself into Your arms, O Father of Mercy, to
make up for the unbelief of so many souls who are afraid to trust in You. Oh,
how very few souls really know You! How ardently I desire that the Feast of
Mercy be known by souls! Mercy is the crown of Your works; You provide for
all with the love of a most tender mother.
506 506 "Do nothing without the consent of the superiors. One must think this
matter over thoroughly and pray much. One must be very careful about these
things because, in your present situation, Sister, the will of God is certain and
clear, for you are in fact bound to this Congregation by vows, and perpetual
vows at that; so there should be no doubt. What you are experiencing interiorly,
Sister, are only the glimmerings of a project. God can make some alterations,
but such things are very rare. Don't be in a hurry, Sister, until you have received
more precise knowledge. The works of God proceed slowly, but if they are of
Him, you will surely recognize them clearly. If they are not, they will disappear;
and you, by being obedient, will not go astray. Speak frankly about everything
to your confessor and obey him blindly. "For the present, Sister, there is nothing more for you to do than accept the
suffering until the time when everything will become clear; that is, all things will
be resolved. You are well disposed as regards these matters, and so continue in
this simplicity and spirit of obedience; this is a good sign. If you continue in this
attitude, God will not allow you to fall into error. Still, as much as is possible,
keep far away from these things, but if despite that they still come your way,
receive them calmly and do not fear anything. You are in the good hands of a
very good God. In all that you have told me, I do not see any illusion or anything
contrary to faith. These are things which are good in themselves, and it would
indeed be good if there were a group of souls pleading with God for the world,
as we all are in need of prayer. You have a good director; stay with him and be
at peace. Be faithful to God's will and carry it out. As to your duties, always do
what you are told to do and as you are told to do it, no matter how humiliating
or toilsome it might be. Always choose the last place, and then they themselves
will say to you, `Go up higher.' In spirit and in your demeanor, consider yourself
the least in the whole house and in the entire Congregation. In everything and at
all times, be most faithful to God."
507 I desire, O my Jesus, to suffer and burn with the flame of Your love in all
the circumstances of my life. I am Yours, completely Yours, and I wish to
disappear in You, O Jesus, I wish to be lost in Your divine beauty. You pursue
me with Your love, O Lord; You penetrate my soul like a ray of the sun and
change its darkness into Your light. I feel very vividly that I am living in You as
one small spark swallowed up by the incomprehensible fire with which You
burn, O inconceivable Trinity! No greater joy is to be found than that of loving
God. Already here on earth we can taste the happiness of those in heaven by an
intimate union with God, a union that is extraordinary and often quite
incomprehensible to us. One can attain this very grace through simple
faithfulness of soul.
508 When a reluctance and a monotony as regards my duties begins to take
possession of me, I remind myself that I am in the house of the Lord, where
nothing is small and where the glory of the Church and the progress of many a
soul depend on this small deed of mine, accomplished in a divinized way.
Therefore there is nothing small in a religious congregation.
509 In the adversities that I experience, I remind myself that the time for doing
battle has not yet come to an end. I arm myself with patience, and in this way I
defeat my assailant.
510 In no way do I seek perfection inquisitively, but I probe into the spirit of
Jesus and fix my eyes on His deeds as summarized in the Gospel. Even if I lived
a thousand years, I would not exhaust what is contained there.
511 When my intentions are not recognized, but rather condemned, I am not
too much surprised, for I know that it is only God who scrutinizes my heart.
Truth will not die; the wounded heart will regain peace in due time, and my spirit
is strengthened through adversities. I do not always listen to what my heart tells
me, but I keep asking God for light; and when I feel l have regained my
equilibrium, then I say more.
512 The day of the renewal of vows. The presence of God flooded my soul.
During Holy Mass I saw Jesus, and He said to me, You are my great joy; your
love and your humility make Me leave the heavenly throne and unite myself with
you. Love fills up the abyss that exists between My greatness and your
nothingness.
513 Love is flooding my soul; I am plunged into an ocean of love. I feel that I
am swooning and becoming completely lost in Him.
514 Jesus, make my heart like unto Yours, or rather transform it into Your own
Heart that I may sense the needs of other hearts, especially those who are sad
and suffering. May the rays of mercy rest in my heart.
515 In the evening, when I was walking in the garden saying my rosary and
came to the cemetery,[102] I opened the gate a little and began to pray for a
while, and I asked them interiorly, "You are very happy are you not?" Then I
heard the words, "We are happy in the measure that we have fulfilled God's
will"-and then silence as before. I became introspective and reflected for a long
time on how I am fulfilling God's will and how I am profiting from the time that
God has given me.
516 On the evening of that same day, when I had already gone to bed, a certain
soul came to me, woke me up by tapping on the night table and asked me to
pray for her. I wanted to ask who she was, but I mortified my curiosity and
joined this little mortification to my prayer and offered them for her.
517 Once, when visiting a sick sister [103] who was eighty-four and known for
many virtues, I asked her, "Sister, you are surely ready to stand before the
Lord, are you not?" She answered, "I have been preparing myself all my life long
for this last hour." And then she added, "Old age does not dispense one from
the combat."
518 + Before All Souls' Day, I went to the cemetery at dusk. Although it was
locked, I managed to open the gate a bit and said, "If you need something, my
dear little souls, I will be glad to help you to the extent that the rule permits me."
I then heard these words, "Do the will of God; we are happy in the measure that
we have fulfilled God's will."
519 In the evening, these souls came and asked me to pray for them, and I did
pray very much for them. In the evening, when the procession was returning
from the cemetery, I saw a great multitude of souls walking with us into the
chapel and praying with us. I prayed a good deal, for I had my superiors'
permission [104] to do so.
520 During the night, a soul I had already seen before visited me. However, it
did not ask for prayer, but reproached me, saying that I used to be very haughty
and vain... "and now you are interceding for others while you yourself still have
certain vices." I answered that I indeed had been vain and haughty, but that I
had confessed this and had done penance for my stupidity, and that I trusted in
the goodness of my God, and that if I still fell occasionally, this was indeliberate
and never premeditated, even in the smallest things. Still, the soul continued to
reproach me, saying, "Why are you unwilling to recognize my greatness? Why
do you alone not glorify me for my great deeds as all others do?" Then I saw
that this was Satan under the assumed appearance of this soul and I said, "Glory
is due to God alone; begone Satan!" And in an instant this soul fell into an abyss,
horrible beyond all description. And I said to the wretched soul that I would tell
the whole Church about this.
521 On Saturday we left Cracow and returned to Vilnius. On the way we
visited Czestochowa. When I was praying before the miraculous picture, I felt
that ... are pleasing ... [unfinished thought]. [End of Notebook I] Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
522 +The mercy of the Lord I will sing forever, Before all the people will I sing it, For it is God's greatest attribute And for us an unending miracle. You gush forth from the Divine Trinity, But from one single womb filled with love. The mercy of the Lord will be revealed in the soul In all its fullness, when the veil falls. From the fountain of Your mercy, O Lord, Flows all happiness and life, And thus, all creatures and the whole of creation Sing out in ecstasy a song of mercy. The bowels of God's mercy are opened for us Through the life of Jesus, stretched on the Cross. O sinner, you must not doubt or despair, But trust in mercy, for you also can become holy. Two streams in the form of rays Have gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus, Not for Angels, nor Cherubim, nor Seraphim, But for the salvation of sinful man.
523 O will of God, be my love. My Jesus, You know that of myself I would not
have written a single letter, and if I do write, it is only because of a clear
command of holy obedience. God and Souls S. M. Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament [105]
524 + O Jesus, hidden God, My heart perceives You Though veils hide You; You know that I love you. + Vilnius, November 24, 1935. J.M.J. + Notebook Two Blessed Be God!
525 O Holy Trinity, in whom is contained the inner life of God, the Father, the
Son, and the Holy Spirit, eternal joy, inconceivable depth of love, poured out
upon all creatures and constituting their happiness, honor and glory be to Your
holy name forever and ever. Amen. When I consider Your greatness and beauty, O my God, I rejoice exceedingly
that the Lord I serve is so great. With love and joy I carry out His will, and the
more I come to know Him, the more I desire to love Him. I burn with the desire
to love Him ever more and more.
526 + The 14th. This Thursday, when we were having nocturnal adoration, at
first I could not pray; a sort of dryness engulfed me. I could not meditate on
Jesus' sorrowful Passion. So I lay prostrate and offered the most sorrowful
Passion of the Lord Jesus to the heavenly Father in reparation for the sins of all
the world. When I got to my feet after this prayer and walked to my kneeler, I
suddenly saw Jesus next to it. The Lord Jesus appeared as He was during the
scourging. In His hands He was holding a white garment with which He clothed
me and a cord with which He girded me, and He covered me with a red cloak
like the one He was clothed with during His Passion and a veil of the same
color, and He said to me, This is how you and your companions are going to be
clothed. My life from birth to death on the Cross will be the rule for you. Fix
your eyes upon Me and live according to what you see. I desire that you
penetrate into My spirit more deeply and understand that I am meek and humble
of heart.
527 On one occasion, I felt an urge to set to work and fulfill whatever God is
demanding of me. I entered the chapel for a moment and heard a voice in my
soul saying, Why are you afraid? Do you think that I will not have enough
omnipotence to support you? At that moment, my soul felt extraordinary
strength, and all the adversities that could befall me in carrying out God's will
seemed as nothing to me.
528 On Friday during Mass when my soul was flooded with God's happiness, I
heard these words in my soul: My mercy has passed into souls through the
divine-human Heart of Jesus as a ray from the sun passes through crystal. I felt
in my heart and understood that every approach to God is brought about by
Jesus, in Him and through Him.
529 On the evening of the last day [November 15] of the novena at Ostra
Brama, after the singing of the litany, one of the priests exposed the Blessed
Sacrament in the monstrance. When he placed it on the altar, I immediately saw
the Infant Jesus, stretching out His little arms, first of all toward His Mother, who
at that time had taken on a living appearance. When the Mother of God was
speaking to me, Jesus stretched out His tiny hands toward the congregation. The
Blessed Mother was telling me to accept all that God asked of me like a little
child, without questioning; otherwise it would not be pleasing to God. At that
moment, the Infant Jesus vanished, and the Mother of God was again lifeless,
and Her picture was the same as it had been before. But my soul was filled with
great joy and gladness, and I said to the Lord, "Do with me as You please; I am
ready for everything, but You, O Lord, must not abandon me even for a moment." + J. M. J.
530 To the Glory of the Holy Trinity. I asked Mother Superior [Borgia] to permit me to make a forty-day fast, taking
once a day a piece of bread and a glass of water. However, following the
advice of my confessor [Father Sopocko], Mother Superior did not agree to
forty days, but to seven. "I cannot take you away from your duties completely,
Sister, because of the other sisters who might notice something. I give you my
permission to devote yourself to prayer and to note down some of these things,
but it will be very difficult for me to protect you as regards the fasting. Really, I
can think of no solution to this," and she said, "Go now, Sister, and perhaps
some light will come to me." On Sunday morning, I understood that when
Mother Superior assigned me as portress during mealtime, she was doing so
with the thought of giving me the opportunity to fast. In the morning, I did not go
to breakfast, but, a little while later, I went to Mother Superior and asked her
whether I had been assigned as portress in view of making it possible for me to
fast unnoticed. Mother replied, "When I assigned you, [106] Sister, it was with
this in mind." I then saw that this was the same thought that I had had interiorly.
531 November 24, 1935. Sunday, first day. I went at once before the Blessed
Sacrament and offered myself with Jesus, present in the Most Holy Sacrament,
to the Everlasting Father. Then I heard these words in my soul: Your purpose
and that of your companions is to unite yourselves with Me as closely as
possible; through love You will reconcile earth with heaven, you will soften the
just anger of God, and you will plead for mercy for the world. I place in your
care two pearls very precious to My Heart: these are the souls of priests and
religious. You will pray particularly for them; their power will come from your
diminishment. You will join prayers, fasts, mortifications, labors and all sufferings
to My prayer, fasting, mortification, labors and sufferings and then they will have
power before My Father.
532 After Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said these words to me:
Today, penetrate into the spirit of My poverty and arrange everything in such a
way that the most destitute will have no reason to envy you. I find pleasure, not
in large buildings and magnificent structures, but in a pure and humble heart.
533 When I was by myself, I began to reflect on the spirit of poverty. I clearly
saw that Jesus, although He is Lord of all things, possessed nothing. From a
borrowed manger He went through life doing good to all, but himself having no
place to lay His head. And on the Cross, I see the summit of His poverty, for
He does not even have a garment on himself. O Jesus, through a solemn vow of
poverty I desire to become like You; poverty will be my mother. As exteriorly
we should possess nothing and have nothing to dispose of as our own; so
interiorly we should desire nothing. And in the Most Blessed Sacrament, how
great is Your poverty! Has there ever been a soul as abandoned as You were
on the Cross, Jesus?
534 Chastity. There is no need to explain that this vow forbids all those things
prohibited by the sixth and ninth commandments: deeds, thoughts, words,
feelings... I understand that a solemn vow differs from a simple vow; I
understand this in all its implications. While reflecting upon this, I heard these
words in my soul:You are My spouse forever; your chastity should be greater
than that of the Angels, for I call no angel to such intimacy as I do you. The
smallest act of My spouse is of infinite value. A pure soul has inconceivable
power before God.
535 Obedience. I have come to do My Father's will. I obeyed My parents, I
obeyed My tormentors and now I obey the priests. I understand, O Jesus, the
spirit of obedience and in what it consists. It includes not only external
performance, but also the reason, the will and judgment. Obeying our superiors,
we obey God. It makes no difference whether it is an angel or a man who,
acting in God's stead, gives me orders; I must always obey. I am not going to
write much about the vows; they are clear and specific. I will rather put down a
few general thoughts about this congregation. + General Summary.
536 There will never be any splendid houses, but only a small church with a
small community consisting of a few souls, not more than ten, plus two externs
to look after the external affairs of the community and the church. These two
sisters will not wear the habit, but secular dress; they will take simple vows, and
they will depend strictly on the superior who will be cloistered. They will share in
all the spiritual benefits of the congregation. There must never be more than two
and, preferably, only one. Each house will be independent of the others,
although they will be closely united by the rule, the vows and the spirit. In
exceptional cases, however, a sister from one community may be tranferred to
another and also, if there is question of founding a new house, some sisters may
be transferred, if need be, from another house. Each house will depend on the
local ordinary.
537 Each sister will have a separate cell, but life will be communal as regards
prayer, meals and recreation. Each nun, after her profession, will no longer see
the world, even through a grill, as this will be covered with a dark cloth, and
even the conversations will be strictly limited. She will be as if dead, not
understood by the world and not understanding the world. She is to stand
between heaven and earth, begging God constantly for mercy on the world and
that priests be empowered so that their words be not empty and that they, in
their extraordinary dignity and so exposed to risks, might keep themselves
completely stainless. Though these souls will not be numerous, they will be
heroic souls. There will be no room for cowardly or effeminate souls.
538 There will be no distinction between the sisters, no mothers,[107] no
reverends, no venerables, but all will be equal, even though there might be great
differences in their parentage. We know who Jesus was, and yet how He
humbled himself and with whom He associated. Their habit will be like that worn
by Jesus during His Passion, and they will not simply wear the robe [He wore];
they must also seal themselves with the marks He bore: suffering and scorn.
Each one will strive for the greatest self-denial and have a love of humility, and
she who will distinguish herself most in this latter virtue will be the one who is
capable of leading the others.
539 As God has made us sharers in His mercy and even more than that,
dispensers of that mercy, we should therefore have great love for each soul,
beginning with the elect and ending with the soul that does not yet know God.
By prayer and mortification, we will make our way to the most uncivilized
countries, paving the way for the missionaries. We will bear in mind that a
soldier on the front line cannot hold out long without support from the rear
forces that do not actually take part in the fighting but provide for all his needs;
and that such is the role of prayer, and that therefore each one of us is to be
distinguished by an apostolic spirit.
540 In the evening when I was writing, I heard a voice in my cell which said,
"Do not leave this Congregation; have mercy upon yourself, such great sufferings
are in store for you." When I looked in the direction of the voice, I saw nothing,
and I continued to write. Suddenly I heard a noise and the words: "When you
leave, we will destroy you. Do not torture us." I glanced around and saw many
ugly monsters. So I mentally made the sign of the Cross and they disappeared
immediately. How terribly ugly Satan is! The poor damned souls that have to
keep him company! Just the sight of him is more disgusting than all the torments
of hell.
541 A short time later, I heard this voice in my soul: Do not fear anything;
nothing will happen to you against My will. After these words of the Lord, a
strange power entered my soul. I rejoiced greatly that God is so good.
542 Postulancy. [108] Age of admission: any person between the ages of fifteen
and thirty. Firstly, the spirit with which the candidate is imbued and her character
are to be taken into consideration, whether she has a strong will and the courage
to follow in Jesus' footsteps with joy and gladness, as God loves a cheerful
giver. She must despise the world and herself. The lack of a dowry will never be
an obstacle to admission. All formalities concerning the candidate must be clear;
no complicated cases should be admitted. Melancholy persons, those disposed to sadness, those suffering from contagious
diseases, those of an unstable character and those who are inclined to be
suspicious of others are not adaptable to the religious life and must not be
admitted. Members should be selected with greatest care, as one ill-fitting
member is enough to throw the whole convent into confusion. 543 The duration of the postulancy. The postulancy will last one year. During
this time, the candidate should examine whether she is attracted to this type of
life and whether it is suitable to her. The directress should also diligently consider
whether or not the person in question is suitable for this type of life. After a year,
if the postulant shows evidence of a stable will and an earnest desire to serve
God, she should be admitted to the novitiate.
544 The novitiate [109] is to last one year, without any interruption. At this time
the novice should be taught about the virtues relating to the vows and about the
importance of the vows. The directress should do her utmost to provide a solid
formation. Let her train the novices in the practice of humility, because only a
humble heart keeps the vows easily and experiences the great joys that God
pours out upon the faithful soul. The novices should not be burdened with duties
that entail responsibilities, so that they may be free to devote themselves to their
own perfection. They are obliged to observe the rules and statutes strictly, as
are the postulants.
545 After a year of novitiate, if the novice proves faithful, she may be admitted
to make her profession for one year. This is to be repeated for three years. She
may then be given duties of responsibility. However, she will still belong to the
novitiate, and once a week she must attend conferences together with the
novices, and she will spend the last six months entirely in the novitiate in order to
prepare well for her solemn profession. [110]
546 Meals. We will have no meat. Our meals shall be such that not even the
poor will have any reason to envy us. Still, feast days may differ slightly from
regular days. The sisters will eat three times a day. Fasts, especially the two
great ones, will be observed strictly, according to the original spirit. The food
should be the same for all the nuns without exception so that communal life may
be kept pure. This refers not only to food but to clothing and the furnishing of
cells as well. However, if a sister should fall ill, she should receive every
consideration.
547 Prayers. One hour of meditation, Holy Mass and Holy Communion,
prayers, two examinations of conscience, office,[111] rosary, spiritual reading,
one hour of prayer during the night. As to the horarium, it is better to draw it up
after we have begun to live this type of life.
548 Suddenly I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, I assure you of a
permanent income on which you will live. Your duty will be to trust completely
in My goodness, and My duty will be to give you all you need. I am making
Myself dependent upon your trust: if your trust is great, then My generosity will
be without limit.
549 Work. As poor persons, the nuns themselves will do all the work in the
convent. Each one should be glad when she is given some work which is
humbling or which goes against her nature, as that will greatly help her interior
formation. The superior will often change the sisters' duties, and in this way help
them to detach themselves completely from the little details to which women
have a great attachment. Truly, I often find it amusing to see with my own eyes
souls who have forsaken really great things only to attach themselves to fiddle
faddle; that is, trifles. Each sister, including even the superior, shall work in the
kitchen for a month. Every one should take a turn at every chore which is to be
done in the convent.
550 And always and in everything, their intention should be pure, for every sort
of mixed motive is displeasing to God. They should accuse themselves of all
external transgressions, and ask the superior for a penance. They should do this
in a spirit of humility. They should love one another with a sublime love, with a pure love, seeing
God's likeness in every sister. Love should be the special characteristic of this
little community, so they must not close up their hearts, but embrace the whole
world, rendering mercy to every soul through prayer, according to their calling.
If we live in this spirit of mercy, we ourselves will obtain mercy.
551 How great should each one's love for the Church be! As a good child prays
for the mother it loves, so also should every Christian soul pray for the Church,
its Mother. What then should be said of us religious who have especially
committed ourselves to praying for the Church? How great, then, is our
apostolate, hidden though it be. All our little daily nothings will be placed at the
feet of the Lord Jesus as a propitiatory offering for the world; but in order that
our offering may be pleasing to God, it must be pure. And for it to be pure, the
heart must be freed of all natural attachments, and all its affections must be
directed towards the Creator, loving all creatures in Him and according to His
will; and, acting thus, each with a zealous spirit will bring joy to the Church.
552 In addition to the vows, I see one rule as most important. Although all the
rules are important, I put this one in first place, and it is silence. Truly, if this rule
were to be observed strictly, I would not worry about the others. Women are
very fond of talking, but the Holy Spirit does not speak to a soul that is
distracted and garrulous. He speaks by His quiet inspirations to a soul that is
recollected, to a soul that knows how to keep silence. If silence were strictly
observed, there would not be any grumbling, bitterness, slandering, or gossip,
and charity would not be tarnished. In a word, many wrongs would not be
done. Silent lips are pure gold and bear witness to holiness within.
553 But I want to speak immediately of a second rule; that is, speech. Keeping
silent when one ought to speak is an imperfection and sometimes even a sin.
And so, let all the sisters take part in recreation, and the superior should not
dispense them from this except for a matter of great importance. Recreation is
an opportunity for getting to know one another. Let each sister speak her mind
in all simplicity for the edification of the others and not in a spirit of superiority
nor, God forbid, in a quarrelsome manner, for that would not be in keeping with
perfection and the spirit of our vocation, which should be especially
characterized by love. Twice a day, there will be a recreation of one half hour.
But if a sister breaks silence outside that time, she must accuse herself before the
superior at once and ask for a penance, and the superior should punish these
offenses with public penances, or else she will answer for this before the Lord.
554 Enclosure. [112] No one may enter the enclosure without the special
permission of the Ordinary and under very special circumstances, such as the
administration of the Sacraments to the ill in order to prepare them for death,
and for the burial rites. There also may be need of letting in a workman to do
some repairs, but for this a specific permission will be required. The door to the
enclosure will always be locked and only the superior will have the key.
555 The use of the parlor. None of the sisters will make use of the parlor
without special permission of the superior, and the superior should not permit
frequent visits. Those who have died to the world should not be going back to it,
not even through conversations. But if the superior thinks it right to permit some
sister to go to the parlor, let her observe the following directions. She herself
should accompany the sister, and if she cannot do so, she should arrange to be
replaced by a sister who will be bound to confidence and must not repeat what
she has heard, but who is to inform the superior of everything. Conversations
ought to be short, unless there is permission for extra time for the sake of the
person who has come for the visit. However, the curtain is not to be drawn
aside, except for very special cases, as for example when a mother or father
urgently asks that this be done.
556 Letters. Every sister may write sealed letters to the Ordinary to whom the
house is subject. For any other letter, permission is required, and the sister shall
hand the letter unsealed to the superior. The superior is to be guided by the spirit
of love and prudence, and has the right to send or withhold the letter, in the light
of whatever is for the greater glory of God. However, I would like very much
that such communications be as rare as possible. Let us help people by prayer
and mortification, and not by correspondence.
557 Confession. Both the regular and the extraordinary confessors for the
community will be appointed by the Ordinary [Bishop]. [113] There will be one
regular confessor, and he will hear the sisters' confessions once a week. The
extraordinary confessor will come once every three months, and each sister is
obliged to see him, even if she makes no confession. The two confessors will
hold their posts in the convent for three years. Then there will be a secret vote,
and the superior will submit the results to the Ordinary. The confessor can be
re-appointed for an additional three years and even a third three-year term. The
sisters will make their confession through a locked grille. The conferences to the
community will also be given through a grille, covered with a dark curtain. The
sisters will never talk among themselves about confession or the confessors;
rather, let them pray for them that God may give them the light to direct their
souls.
558 Holy Communion. The sisters should never talk about who goes more and
who goes less frequently to Holy Communion. They should refrain from passing
judgment on this subject which does not concern them. All judgments in this
matter belong exclusively to the confessor. The superior may speak to a sister,
not to inquire why she is not going to Communion, but simply to make
confession available to her. The superiors should never dare to enter into the
domain of the sisters' consciences. The superior may sometimes arrange that the
community offer Communion for a certain intention. Each sister should strive for
the greatest purity of soul, so that she might receive the Divine Visitor every day.
559 On one occasion, when I entered the chapel, I saw the walls of a building in
a state of disrepair [a torn down building]. [114] The windows were without
panes, and the doors had only frames with no paneling. Then I heard these
words in my soul: This is where the convent will be. I was a little disappointed
that these ruins were to be the convent.
560 Thursday. I felt urged to undertake as soon as possible the task which the
Lord was asking of me. While making my confession, I was holding to my own
opinion over that of the confessor. At first, I did not realize this, but when I was
making my Holy Hour I saw the Lord Jesus as He appears in the Image, and He
told me that I must repeat to my confessor and my superiors everything He says
to me or asks of me... and do only what you receive permission to do. And He
gave me to know how displeased He was with persons who are self-willed, and
I recognized that I was one of these. I saw this shadow of self-will in myself, and
I threw myself in the dust [115] before His Majesty and, with a broken heart,
begged His pardon. But Jesus did not let me remain in this state for long. His
divine gaze filled my heart with such joy that I have no words to express it. And
Jesus gave me to know that I should ask Him more questions and seek His
advice. Truly, how sweet is the look of my Lord; His eyes penetrate my soul to
its most secret depths. My spirit communicates with God without any word
being spoken. I am aware that He is living in me and I in Him.
561 All at once, I saw the image in some small chapel and at that moment I saw
that the chapel became an enormous and beautiful temple. And in this temple I
saw the Mother of God with the Infant in Her arms. And a moment later, the
Infant Jesus disappeared from the arms of His Mother, and I saw the living
image of Jesus Crucified. The Mother of God told me to do what She had done,
that, even when joyful, I should always keep my eyes fixed on the cross, and
She told me that the graces God was granting me were not for me alone, but for
other souls as well.
562 When I see the Infant Jesus during Holy Mass, it is not always the same:
sometimes He is very joyous, and sometimes He is not even looking at the
chapel. At present, He is often very joyful when our confessor [Father
Sopocko] offers Holy Mass. I was greatly surprised that the Infant Jesus loves
him so much. Sometimes I see Him dressed in a colorful pinafore. [116]
563 Before I came to Vilnius and met this confessor, I once saw a rather small
church and near it, this congregation. [117] The convent had twelve cells: each
nun was to live separately. I saw the priest [Father Sopocko] who was helping
me to prepare the convent and whom I was to meet some years later, but whom
I already knew from the vision. I saw how he was arranging everything in the
convent with great care, assisted by another priest [probably Father
Wantuchowski [118]] whom I have not yet met. I saw the iron grating, covered
with a dark curtain, and the sisters did not go out to the church.
564 On the feast day of the Immaculate Conception of the Mother of God,
during Holy Mass, I heard the rustling of garments and saw the most holy
Mother of God in a most beautiful radiance. Her white garment was girdled with
a blue sash. She said to me, You give Me great joy when you adore the Holy
Trinity for the graces and privileges which were accorded Me. And She
immediately disappeared. Penances and Mortification.
565 Interior mortifications take the first place, but besides this, we must practice
exterior mortifications, strictly determined, so that all can practice them. These
are: on three days a week, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, there will be a
strict fast; each Friday, all the sisters - each one in her own cell - will take the
discipline [119] for the length of the recitation of Psalm 50, and all will do this at
the same time; namely, three o'clock; and this will be offered for dying sinners.
During the two great fasts, [120] ember days [121] and vigils, [122] the food
will consists of a piece of bread and some water, once a day. Let each sister try to observe these mortifications which are prescribed for all.
But if anyone desires to do something more, she should ask the superior for
permission. One more general mortification: no sister is allowed to enter the cell
of another without special permission from the superior, but the superior should
sometimes unexpectedly enter the cells of the sisters, not in order to spy, but in
the spirit of love and the responsibility which she has before God. None of the
sisters will lock anything; the rule will be the general key for all.
566 One day, after Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Infant Jesus standing
by my kneeler and holding on to it with His two little hands. Although He was
but a little Child, my soul was filled with awe and fear, for I see in Him my
Judge, my Lord, and my Creator, before whose holiness the Angels tremble. At
the same time, my soul was flooded with such unspeakable love that I thought I
would die under its influence. I now see that Jesus first strengthens my soul and
makes it capable of abiding with Him, for otherwise I would not be able to bear
what I experience at such a moment. Relationship of Sisters with the Superior.
567 All the sisters should respect the superior as the Lord Jesus himself, as I
mentioned when speaking about the vow of obedience. They should behave
toward her with childlike trust, and should never murmur or find fault with her
commands, as this is very displeasing to God. Let each be guided by a spirit of
faith in her relationship to superiors; let her ask with simplicity for all that she
needs. God forbid that it ever happen or be repeated that any of the sisters
would be a cause of sorrow or tears to the superior. Let each one know that as
the fourth commandment obliges a child to honor its parents, in like manner is
the religious bound to respect her superior. Only a bad religious would take the
liberty of judging her superior. Let the sisters be sincere with the superior, telling
her about everything and about their needs with childlike simplicity. The sisters will address the superior thus: "With your leave, Sister Superior."
They shall never kiss her hand, but whenever they meet her in the corridor or
enter her cell, they should say, "Praised be Jesus Christ," bowing their heads
slightly. They shall address each other as "Sister," adding the proper name. Their
relationship toward the superior should be marked by a spirit of faith and not by
sentimentality or flattery, as these are unworthy of a religious and would degrade
her very much. A religious should be as free as a queen, and will be such only
when she lives in the spirit of faith. We should obey and respect the superior,
not because she is good, holy or prudent, but solely because she represents
God, and by obeying her we are obeying God himself. Relationship of the Superior to the Sisters.
568 The superior should be distinguished by humility and love toward each
sister without exception. She must not let herself be led by likes and dislikes, but
by the spirit of Christ alone. Let her be aware that God will demand of her an
account for each sister. She should not moralize to the sisters, but rather set
them an example of profound humility and self-denial; this will be the most
efficacious lesson she can give her subjects. She should be firm, but never harsh.
She should be patient when bothered with the same questions. Even if she has to
give the same answer a hundred times over, she should do so with equanimity.
Let her strive to anticipate the sisters' needs rather than wait till they ask for this
or that, for people vary in disposition. If the superior notices that a sister is sad or is suffering, she should try her very
best to help and comfort her. She should pray much and ask for light in order to
know how to deal with each sister, for each soul is a world of its own. God has
various ways of communicating with souls, ways that are often beyond our
comprehension and notice. Therefore the superior should be careful not to
hinder God's action in a soul. She should never reprimand a sister when irritated;
rather, reprimands should always be seasoned with encouragement. The person
is to be helped to recognize and acknowledge her error, but she should not be crushed. The superior should be outstanding for a love for her sisters which shows itself in
actions. She should take upon herself all burdens so as to ease the burdens of
the sisters. She should not demand any services from them, but should respect
them as brides of Jesus and be always ready to serve them, day and night. Let
her ask rather than order. Her heart should be open to the sufferings of the
sisters, and she herself should look closely at, and learn from, the open book;
namely, Jesus Crucified. Let her pray fervently for light, especially when she has
some important dealing with a sister. She should be on her guard lest she
interfere with the sisters' consciences, for only a priest has this grace. But it may
happen that a sister may feel the necessity to pour out her soul to the superior, in
which case the superior may listen to this outpouring, but she is bound to
secrecy, as nothing hurts a person so much as to have something she has said in
confidence or in secret talked about with others. Women usually have weak
heads in this respect; it is rarely that one finds a woman with a man's mind. The
superior should strive for deep union with God, and God will govern through
her. The most holy Mother will be the superioress [123] of the convent, and we
shall be Her faithful daughters.
569 December 15, 1935. From early morning, today, a strange power has been
pushing me to action, not giving me a moment's peace. A strange ardor has been
lit in my heart, urging me to action, and I cannot stop it. This is a secret
martyrdom known only to God, but let Him do with me as He pleases; my heart
is ready for anything. O Jesus, my dearest Master, do not abandon me, not even
for a moment. Jesus, You know well how weak I am of myself; that is why I
know that it is my weakness that forces You to be with me constantly.
570 On one occasion, I saw Jesus in a bright garment; this was in the
greenhouse. [He said to me,] Write what I say to you. My delight is to be united
with you. With great desire, I wait and long for the time when I shall take up My
residence sacramentally in your convent. My spirit will rest in that convent and I
will bless its neighborhood in a special way. Out of love for you all, I will avert
any punishments which are rightly meted out by My Father's justice. My
daughter, I have inclined My heart to your requests. Your assignment and duty
here on earth is to beg for mercy for the whole world. No soul will be justified
until it turns with confidence to My mercy, and this is why the first Sunday after
Easter is to be the Feast of Mercy. On that day, priests are to tell everyone
about My great and unfathomable mercy. I am making you the administrator of
My mercy. Tell the confessor that the Image is to be on view in the church and
not within the enclosure in that convent. By means of this Image I shall be
granting many graces to souls; so let every soul have access to it.
571 O my Jesus, Eternal Truth, I fear nothing, neither hardships nor sufferings; I
fear only one thing, and that is to offend You. My Jesus, I would rather not exist
than make You sad. Jesus, You know that my love knows no one but You. My
soul is absorbed in You.
572 Oh, how great should be the ardor of every soul who will live in that
convent, since God desires to come and live with us! Let everyone remember
that if we religious do not intercede before God, who will? Each of us should
burn like a pure sacrifice before the majesty of God, but to be pleasing to God,
each one should unite herself closely to Jesus. It is only with Him, in Him and
through Him that we can be pleasing to God.
573 December 21, 1935. One day my confessor [Father Sopocko] told me to
go and look at a certain house to see whether it was the same house I had seen
in my vision. When I went with my confessor to see that house, or rather those
ruins, at a glance I recognized that they were the same as I had seen in my
vision. The moment I touched the boards which had been nailed together in
place of the doors, a strength pervaded my soul like a flash, giving me
unshakable certitude. I went away quickly from that place, my heart full of joy,
for it seemed to me that there was a certain force chaining me to that place. I am very happy to see that everything agrees perfectly with what I saw in the
vision. When the confessor spoke to me about the arrangement of the cells and
other things, I recognized everything to be the same as had been told to me by
Jesus. I am delighted that God is acting in this way through my confessor, but I
am not surprised that God is giving him so much light; since God, who is Light
itself, lives in a pure and humble heart, and all sufferings and adversities serve
but to reveal the soul's holiness. When I returned home, I went immediately to
our chapel to rest a while. Then suddenly I heard these words in my soul: Do
not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in My hands and I will bring
them to fruition according to My mercy, for nothing can oppose My will. Christmas Eve, 1935.
574 From early morning, my spirit was immersed in God. His presence
pervaded my whole being. In the evening, before supper, I went to the chapel
for a minute to share the wafer, at the feet of Jesus, with those who are far away
and whom Jesus loves greatly and to whom I owe so much. Just as I was
spiritually sharing the wafer with a certain person [probably Father Sopocko], I
heard these words within me: His heart is for Me a heaven on earth. When I
was leaving the chapel, in an instant, God's omnipotence enveloped me. I
understood how greatly God loves us. Oh, if people could at least partly
comprehend and understand this! Christmas Day.
575 Midnight Mass. During Holy Mass, I again saw the little Infant Jesus,
extremely beautiful, joyfully stretching out His little arms to me. After Holy
Communion, I heard the words: I am always in your heart; not only when you
receive Me in Holy Communion, but always. I spent these holydays in great joy.
576 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, my spirit is drowned in Your beauty. The ages
are as nothing in Your sight. You are always the same. Oh, how great is Your
majesty. Jesus, why do You conceal Your majesty, why have You left Your
heavenly throne and dwelt among us? The Lord answered me, My daughter,
love has brought Me here, and love keeps Me here. My daughter, if you knew
what great merit and reward is earned by one act of pure love for Me, you
would die of joy. I am saying this that you may constantly unite yourself with Me
through love, for this is the goal of the life of your soul. This act is an act of the
will. Know that a pure soul is humble. When you lower and empty yourself
before My majesty, I then pursue you with My graces and make use of My
omnipotence to exalt you.
577 Once, when my confessor told me to say "Glory be to the Father" as my
penance, it took me a very long time; and I began many times, but did not finish,
because my spirit became united with God, and I could not stick to the prayer.
Quite frequently, I am unwittingly enveloped by God's omnipotence and become
entirely plunged in Him through love, and then I do not know what is going on
around me. When I told my confessor that this short prayer often takes very
much of my time and that sometimes I cannot even finish it, he told me to say it
right away, there, at the confessional. However, my spirit became immersed in
God and, in spite of my efforts, I could not think as I wished. And so the
confessor said, "Please repeat after me." I repeated every word, but while I was
pronouncing each word, my spirit would be steeped in the Person I was naming.
578 On one occasion, Jesus told me, concerning a certain priest [probably
Father Sopocko], that these present years would be the adornment of his
priestly life. The days of suffering always seem longer, but they too will pass,
though they pass so slowly that it seems they are moving backwards. However,
their end is near, and then will come endless and inconceivable joy. Eternity!
Who can understand this one word which comes from You, O
incomprehensible God, this one word: eternity!
579 I know that the graces given me by God are often meant exclusively for
certain souls. Awareness of this fills me with great joy; I always rejoice at the
good of other souls as if it were my own.
580 On a certain occasion, the Lord said to me, I am more deeply wounded by
the small imperfections of chosen souls than by the sins of those living in the
world. It made me very sad that chosen souls make Jesus suffer, and Jesus told
me, These little imperfections are not all. I will reveal to you a secret of My
Heart: what I suffer from chosen souls. Ingratitude in return for so many graces
is My Heart's constant food, on the part of [such] a chosen soul. Their love is
lukewarm, and My Heart cannot bear it; these souls force Me to reject them.
Others distrust My goodness and have no desire to experience that sweet
intimacy in their own hearts, but go in search of Me, off in the distance, and do
not find Me. This distrust of My goodness hurts Me very much. If My death has
not convinced you of My love, what will? Often a soul wounds Me mortally,
and then no one can comfort Me. They use My graces to offend Me. There are
souls who despise My graces as well as all the proofs of My love. They do not
wish to hear My call, but proceed into the abyss of hell. The loss of these souls
plunges Me into deadly sorrow. God though I am, I cannot help such a soul
because it scorns Me; having a free will, it can spurn Me or love Me. You, who
are the dispenser of My mercy, tell all the world about My goodness, and thus
you will comfort My Heart.
581 I will tell you most when you converse with Me in the depths of your heart.
Here, no one can disturb My actions. Here, I rest as in a garden enclosed.
582 The interior of my soul is like a large and magnificent world in which God
and I live. Except for God, no one is allowed there. At the beginning of this life
with God, I was dazzled and overcome with awe. His radiance blinded me, and
I thought He was not in my heart; and yet those were the moments when God
was working in my soul. Love was becoming purer and stronger, and the Lord
brought my will into the closest union with His own holy Will. No one will
understand what I experience in that splendid palace of my soul where I abide
constantly with my Beloved. No exterior thing hinders my union with God. Even
if I used the most forceful words, they would not express even a shadow of how
my soul revels in happiness and inexplicable love, as great and pure as the spring
from which it flows; that is, God himself. My spirit is so prevaded with God that
I feel it physically, and the body partakes of these joys. Although it happens that
God's touches vary in the same soul, they come, however, from the same
source.
583 On one occasion, I saw Jesus thirsting and fainting, and He said to me, I
thirst. When I gave Him water, He took it, but did not drink and immediately
disappeared. He was clothed as He was during His Passion.
584 When you reflect upon what I tell you in the depths of your heart, you profit
more than if you had read many books. Oh, if souls would only want to listen to
My voice when I am speaking in the depths of their hearts, they would reach the
peak of holiness in a short time.
585 January 8, 1936. When I went to see the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski], I
told him that Jesus was asking that I pray for God's mercy upon the world and
that there be a religious congregation which would entreat the mercy of God for
the world. I asked his permission for all the Lord Jesus was demanding of me.
The Arch bishop answered me in these words: "As for prayer, I give my
permission and even encourage you, Sister, to pray as much as possible for the
world and to beg God's mercy, as mercy is what we all need; and I presume
that your confessor certainly does not forbid you to pray for this intention. But
as regards this congregation, wait a while, Sister, so that all things may arrange
themselves more favorably. This thing is good in itself, but there is no need to
hurry. If it is God's will, it will be done, whether it be a little sooner or a little
later. Why shouldn't it be? There are so many different kinds of congregations;
this one too will come to be if God so wills. Be completely at peace. The Lord
Jesus can do all things. Strive for a close union with God and do not lose heart."
These words filled me with great joy.
586 When I left the Archbishop's house, I heard the following words in my soul:
To confirm your spirit, I speak through My representatives in accordance with
what I demand of you, but know that this will not always be so. They will
oppose you in many things, and through this My grace will be manifest in you,
and it will be evident that this matter is My doing. But as for you, fear nothing; I
am always with you. And know this, too, My daughter: all creatures, whether
they know it or not, and whether they want to or not, always fulfill My will.
587 Once, I suddenly saw Jesus in great majesty, and He spoke these words to
me: My daughter, if you wish, I will this instant create a new world, more
beautiful than this one, and you will live there for the rest of your life. I
answered, "I don't want any worlds. I want You, Jesus. I want to love You,
with the same love that You have for me. I beg You for only one thing: to make
my heart capable of loving you. I am very much surprised at Your offer, my
Jesus; what are those worlds to me? Even if You gave me a thousand of them,
what are they to me? You know very well, Jesus, that my heart is dying of
longing for You. Everything that is not You is nothing to me." -At that moment, I
could no longer see anything, but a strange force took over my soul, a strange
fire sprang up in my heart, and I entered into a kind of agony for Him. Then I
heard these words: With no other soul do I unite myself as closely and in such a
way as I do with you, and this because of the deep humility and ardent love
which you have for Me.
588 On one occasion, I heard these words within me: Every movement of your
heart is known to me. Know, My daughter, that one glance of yours directed at
someone else would wound Me more than many sins committed by another
person.
589 Love casts out fear. Since I came to love God with my whole being and
with all the strength of my heart, fear has left me. Even if I were to hear the most
terrifying things about God's justice, I would not fear Him at all, because I have
come to know Him well. God is love, and His Spirit is peace. I see now that my
deeds which have flowed from love are more perfect than those which I have
done out of fear. I have placed my trust in God and fear nothing. I have given
myself over to His holy will; let Him do with me as He wishes, and I will still love
Him.
590 When I receive Holy Communion, I entreat and beg the Savior to heal my
tongue, that I may never fail in love of neighbor.
591 Jesus, You know how ardently I desire to hide so that no one may know
me but Your sweetest Heart. I want to be a tiny violet, hidden in the grass,
unknown in a magnificent enclosed garden in which beautiful lilies and roses
grow. The beautiful rose and the lovely lily can be seen from afar, but in order to
see a little violet, one has to bend low; only its scent gives it away. Oh, how
happy I am to be able to hide myself in this way! O my divine Bridegroom, the
flower of my heart and the scent of my pure love are for You. My soul has
drowned itself in You, Eternal God. From the moment when You yourself drew
me to yourself, O my Jesus, the more I have known You, the more ardently I
have desired You.
592 I learned in the Heart of Jesus that in heaven itself there is a heaven to
which not all, but only chosen souls, have access. Incomprehensible is the
happiness in which the soul will be immersed. O my God, oh, that I could
describe this, even in some little degree. Souls are penetrated by His divinity and
pass from brightness to brightness, an unchanging light, but never monotonous,
always new though never changing. O Holy Trinity, make yourself known to
souls! 593 O my Jesus, nothing is better for the soul than humiliations. In contempt is
the secret of happiness, when the soul recognizes that, of itself, it is only
wretchedness and nothingness, and that whatever it possesses of good is a gift
of God. When the soul sees that everything is given it freely and that the only
thing it has of itself is its own misery, this is what sustains it in a continual act of
humble prostration before the majesty of God. And God, seeing the soul in such
a disposition, pursues it with His graces. As the soul continues to immerse itself
more deeply into the abyss of its nothingness and need, God uses His
omnipotence to exalt it. If there is a truly happy soul upon earth, it can only be a
truly humble soul. At first, one's self-love suffers greatly on this account, but
after a soul has struggled courageously, God grants it much light by which it sees
how wretched and full of deception everything is. God alone is in its heart. A
humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its confidence in God. God
defends the humble soul and lets Himself into its secrets, and the soul abides in
unsurpassable happiness which no one can comprehend.
594 One evening, one of the deceased sisters, who had already visited me a few
times, appeared to me. The first time I had seen her, she had been in great
suffering, and then gradually these sufferings had diminished; this time she was
radiant with happiness, and she told me she was already in heaven. She told me
that God had tried our house with tribulation because Mother General [Michael]
had given in to doubts, not believing what I had said about this soul. And further,
as a sign that she only now was in heaven, God would bless our house. Then
she came closer to me, embraced me sincerely and said, "I must go now." I
understood how closely the three stages of a soul's life are bound together; that
is to say, life on earth, in purgatory and in heaven [the Communion of Saints].
595 I have noticed many times that God tries certain people on account of those
things about which He spoke to me, for mistrust displeases Jesus. Once, when I
saw that God had tried a certain Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] because he was
opposed to the cause and distrustful of it, I felt sorry for him and pleaded with
God for him, and God relieved his suffering. God is very displeased with lack of
trust in Him, and this is why some souls lose many graces. Distrust hurts His
most sweet Heart, which is full of goodness and incomprehensible love for us. A
priest should sometimes be distrustful in order to better ascertain the
genuineness of gifts bestowed on a given soul; and when he does so in order to
direct the soul to deeper union with God, his will be a great and
incomprehensible reward indeed. But there is a great difference between this
and disrespect and distrust of divine graces in a soul simply because one cannot
comprehend and penetrate these things with one's mind, and this latter is
displeasing to the Lord. I greatly pity souls who encounter inexperienced priests.
596 Once, a certain priest [Father Sopocko [124]] asked me to pray for him. I
promised to pray, and asked for a mortification. When I received permission for
a certain mortification, I felt a great desire to give up all the graces that God's
goodness would intend for me that day in favor of that priest, and I asked the
Lord Jesus to deign to bestow on me all the sufferings and afflictions, both
exterior and spiritual, that the priest would have had to suffer during that day.
God partially answered my request and, at once, all sorts of difficulties and
adversities sprang up out of nowhere, so much so that one of the sisters
remarked out loud that the Lord Jesus must have a hand in this because
everyone was trying Sister Faustina. The charges made were so groundless that
what some sisters put forward, others denied, while I offered all this in silence
on behalf of the priest. But that was not all; I began to experience interior sufferings. First, I was seized
by depression and aversion towards the sisters, then a kind of uncertainty began
to trouble me. I could not recollect myself during prayer, and various things
would take hold of my mind. When, tired out, I entered the chapel, a strange
pain seized my soul, and I began to weep softly. Then I heard in my soul a
voice, saying, My daughter, why are you weeping? After all, you yourself
offered to undertake these sufferings. Know that what you have taken upon
yourself for that soul is only a small portion. He is suffering much more. And I
asked the Lord, "Why are You treating him like that?" The Lord answered me
that it was for the triple crown meant for him: that of virginity, the priesthood and
martyrdom. At that moment, a great joy flooded my soul at the sight of the great
glory that is going to be his in heaven. Right away I said the Te Deum [125] for
this special grace of God; namely, of learning how God treats those He intends
to have close to himself. Thus, all sufferings are nothing in comparison with what
awaits us in heaven.
597 One day, after our Mass, I suddenly saw my confessor [Father Sopocko]
saying Mass in Saint Michael's Church, in front of the picture of the Mother of
God. It was at the time of the Offertory, and I saw the Infant Jesus clinging to
him as if fleeing from something and seeking refuge in him. But when the time
came for Holy Communion, He disappeared as usual. Suddenly, I saw the
Blessed Mother, who shielded him with Her cloak and said, Courage, My son,
courage. She said something else which I could not hear.
598 Oh, how ardently I desire that every soul would praise Your mercy. Happy
is the soul that calls upon the mercy of the Lord. It will see that the Lord will
defend it as His glory, as He said. And who would dare fight against God? All
you souls, praise the Lord's mercy by trusting in His mercy all your life and
especially at the hour of your death. And fear nothing, dear soul, whoever you
are; the greater the sinner, the greater his right to Your mercy, O Lord. O
incomprehensible goodness! God is the first to stoop to the sinner. O Jesus, I
wish to glorify Your mercy on behalf of thousands of souls. I know very well, O
my Jesus, that I am to keep telling souls about Your goodness, about Your
incomprehensible mercy.
599 On one occasion, after a person had asked me for prayer, when I met the
Lord I said to Him, "Jesus, I especially love those souls whom You love." And
Jesus answered, And as for Me, I bestow special graces on those souls for
whom you intercede.
600 How wondrously Jesus defends me; truly this is a great grace of God which
I have experienced for a long time now. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
601 Once, when one of our sisters [126] became fatally ill and all the
community [127] was gathered together, there was also a priest [128] there
who gave the sister absolution. Suddenly, I saw many spirits of darkness. Then,
forgetting that I was with the sisters, I seized the holywater sprinkler and
sprinkled the spirits, and they disappeared at once. However, when the sisters
came to the refectory, Mother Superior [Borgia] remarked that I should not
have sprinkled the sick sister in the presence of the priest, as this was his duty. I
accepted the admonition in the spirit of penance, but holy water is indeed of
great help to the dying.
602 My Jesus, You see how weak I am of myself. Therefore, You yourself
direct my affairs. And know, Jesus, that without You I will not budge for any
cause, but with You I will take on the most difficult things.
603 January 29, 1936. In the evening, when I was in my cell, I suddenly saw a
great light and a dark gray cross high up within the light. Suddenly, I found
myself caught up close to the cross. I gazed at it intently, but could not
understand anything, and so I prayed, asking what it could mean. At that
moment I saw the Lord Jesus, and the cross disappeared. The Lord Jesus was
sitting in a great light, and His legs, up to the knees, were drowned in the light so
that I could not see them. Jesus bent toward me, looked at me kindly and spoke
to me about the will of the Heavenly Father. He told me that the most perfect
and holy soul is the one that does the will of the Father, but there are not many
such, and that He looks with special love upon the soul who lives His will. And
Jesus told me that I was doing the will of God perfectly...and for this reason I
am uniting Myself with you and communing with you in a special and intimate
way. God embraces with His incomprehensible love the soul who lives by His will. I
understood how much God loves us, how simple He is, though
incomprehensible, and how easy it is to commune with Him, despite His great
majesty. With no one do I feel as free and as much at ease as with Him. Even a
mother and her truly loving child do not understand each other so well as God
and I do. When I was in that state of communion with God, I saw two particular
persons, and their sad interior condition was revealed to me. They were in a
sorrowful state, but I trust that they, too, will glorify the mercy of God.
604 At the same time, I saw a certain person [Father Sopocko] and, in part, the
condition of his soul and the ordeals God was sending him. His sufferings were
of the mind and in a form so acute that I pitied him and said to the Lord, "Why
do you treat him like that?" And the Lord answered, For the sake of his triple
crown. And the Lord also gave me to understand what unimaginable glory
awaits the person who resembles the suffering Jesus here on earth. That person
will resemble Jesus in His glory. The Heavenly Father will recognize and glorify
our soul to the extent that He sees in us a resemblance to His Son. I understood
that this assimilation into Jesus is granted to us while we are here on earth. I see
pure and innocent souls upon whom God has exercised His justice; these souls
are the victims who sustain the world and who fill up what is lacking in the
Passion of Jesus. They are not many in number. I rejoice greatly that God has
allowed me to know such souls.
605 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, I thank You for allowing me to know the
greatness and the various degrees of glory to which souls attain. Oh, what a
great difference of depth in the knowledge of God there is between one degree
and another! Oh, if people could only know this! O my God, if I were thereby
able to attain one more degree, I would gladly suffer all the torments of the
martyrs put together. Truly, all those torments seem as nothing to me compared
with the glory that is awaiting us for all eternity. O Lord, immerse my soul in the
ocean of Your divinity and grant me the grace of knowing You; for the better I
know You, the more I desire You, and the more my love for You grows. I feel
in my soul an unfathomable abyss which only God can fill. I lose myself in Him
as a drop does in the ocean. The Lord has inclined himself to my misery like a
ray of the sun upon a barren and rocky desert. And yet, under the influence of
His rays, my soul has become covered with verdure, flowers, and fruit, and has
become a beautiful garden for His repose.
606 My Jesus, despite Your graces, I see and feel all my misery. I begin my day
with battle and end it with battle. As soon as I conquer one obstacle, ten more
appear to take its place. But I am not worried, because I know that this is the
time of struggle, not peace. When the burden of the battle becomes too much
for me, I throw myself like a child into the arms of the heavenly Father and trust
I will not perish. O my Jesus, how prone I am to evil, and this forces me to be
constantly vigilant. But I do not lose heart. I trust God's grace, which abounds in
the worst misery.
607 In the midst of the worst difficulties and adversities, I do not lose inner
peace or exterior balance, and this discourages my adversaries. Patience in
adversity gives power to the soul.
608 February 2, [1936]. In the morning, when the bell awoke me, I was so
overcome by drowsiness which I could not shake off that I jumped into cold
water, and after two minutes the sleepiness left me. When I came to meditation
a host of absurd thoughts swarmed into my head, so much so that I had to
struggle throughout the whole meditation. It was the same during prayer time,
but when Mass began, a strange silence and joy filled my heart. Just then, I saw
Our Lady with the Infant Jesus, and the Holy Old Man [St. Joseph] standing
behind them. The most holy Mother said to me, Take My Dearest Treasure,
and She handed me the Infant Jesus. When I took the Infant Jesus in my arms,
the Mother of God and Saint Joseph disappeared. I was left alone with the
Infant Jesus.
609 I said to Him, "I know that You are my Lord and Creator even though You
are so tiny." Jesus stretched His little arms out to me and looked at me with a
smile. My spirit was filled with incomparable joy. Then suddenly Jesus
disappeared, and it was time for Holy Communion. I went with the other sisters
to the Holy Table, my soul deeply moved. After Holy Communion, I heard
these words in my soul: I am in your heart, I whom you had in your arms. I then
pleaded with Jesus for a certain soul [Father Sopocko], asking the Lord to grant
him the grace to fight, and to take this trial from him. As you ask, so shall it be,
but his merit will not be lessened. Joy reigned in my soul that God is so good
and merciful; God grants everything that we ask of Him with trust.
610 After each conversation with the Lord, my soul is extraordinarily
strengthened, and a profound tranquility prevails therein and gives me such
courage that I do not fear anything in the world, but fear only lest I make Jesus
sad.
611 O my Jesus, I implore You by the goodness of Your most sweet Heart, let
Your anger diminish and show us Your mercy. May Your wounds be our shield
against Your Father's justice. I have come to know You, O God, as the source
of mercy that vivifies and nourishes every soul. Oh, how great is the mercy of
the Lord; it surpasses all His other qualities! Mercy is the greatest attribute of
God; everything that surrounds me speaks to me of this. Mercy is the life of
souls; His compassion is inexhaustible. O Lord, look on us and deal with us
according to Your countless mercies, according to Your great mercy.
612 One time, I was in doubt as to whether what had happened to me had
seriously offended the Lord Jesus or not. As I could not solve this doubt, I
made up my mind not to go to Communion before first going to confession,
although I immediately made an act of contrition, as it is my habit to ask for
forgiveness after the slightest transgression. During those days when I did not
receive Holy Communion, I did not feel the presence of God. This caused me
unspeakable pain, but I took it as a punishment for sin. However, at the time of
Holy Confession I was reproached for not going to Holy Communion, because
what had happened to me was not an obstacle to receiving Holy Communion.
After confession, I received Holy Communion, and I saw the Lord Jesus who
said to me, Know, My daughter, that you caused Me more sorrow by not
uniting yourself with Me in Holy Communion than you did by that small
transgression.
613 One day, I saw a small chapel in which six sisters were receiving Holy
Communion from our confessor [Father Sopocko], who was wearing a surplice
and stole. [l29] There were no decorations and no kneelers in the chapel. After
Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus as He is represented in the image. Jesus
was walking away, and I called to Him, "How can You pass me by and not say
anything to me, Lord? Without You, I shall do nothing; You must stay with me
and bless me, and this community and my country as well." Jesus made the sign
of the cross and said, Do not fear anything; I am always with you.
614 On the last two days before Lent we had an hour of propitiatory adoration
with the girls. [130] During both hours I saw the Lord Jesus as He was after the
scourging. My soul felt such great pain that it seemed to me that I was
experiencing all those torments in my own body and in my own soul.
615 March 1, 1936. Today during Holy Mass I experienced a strange force
and urge to start realizing God's wishes. I had such a clear understanding of the
things the Lord was asking of me that truly if I were to say that I do not
understand what God is demanding from me, I would be lying, because the
Lord is making His will known to me so clearly and distinctly that I do not have
the least shadow of a doubt about them. I realized that it would be the greatest
ingratitude to delay any longer this undertaking which the Lord wishes to bring
to fulfillment for His glory and the benefit of a great number of souls. And He is
using me as a miserable tool through which to realize His eternal plans of mercy.
Truly, how ungrateful my soul would be to resist God's will any longer. Nothing
will stop me any longer, be it persecution, sufferings, sneers, threats, entreaties,
hunger, cold, flattery, friendships, adversities, friends or enemies; be it things I
am experiencing now or things that will come in the future or even the hatred of
hellnothing will deter me from doing the will of God. I am not counting on my own strength, but on His omnipotence for, as he gave
me the grace of knowing His holy will, He will also grant me the grace of fulfilling
it. I cannot fail to mention how much my own lower nature resists this thing,
manifesting its own desires, and there results within my soul a great struggle, like
that of Jesus in the Garden of Olives. And so I too cry out to God, the Eternal
Father, "If it is possible, take this cup from me, but, nevertheless, not my will,
but Yours be done, O Lord; may Your will be done." What I am about to go
through is no secret to me, but with full knowledge I accept whatever You send
me, O Lord. I trust in You, O merciful God, and I wish to be the first to
manifest to You that confidence which You demand of souls. O Eternal Truth,
help me and enlighten me along the roadways of life, and grant that Your will be
accomplished in me. My God, I desire nothing but the fulfillment of Your will. It does not matter
whether it will be easy or difficult. I feel an extraordinary force driving me to
action. One thing alone holds me back, and that is holy obedience. O my Jesus,
You urge me on the one hand and hold me back and restrain me on the other. In
this, too, O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done. I continued in this state, without a break, for many days. My physical strength
declined, and though I did not speak to anyone about it, nevertheless Mother
Superior [Borgia] noticed my pain and remarked that I had changed in
appearance and was very pale. She told me to go to bed earlier and to sleep
longer, and she had a cup of hot milk brought to me in the evening. She had a
motherly heart, full of care, and tried to help me. But in the case of spiritual
sufferings, external things have no influence, and they do not bring much relief. It
was from the confessional that I drew my strength and the consolation of
knowing that it would not be long before I could begin to act.
616 On Thursday, when I went to my cell, I saw over me the Sacred Host in
great brightness. Then I heard a voice that seemed to be coming from above the
Host: In the Host is your power; it will defend you. After these words, the vision
disappeared, but a strange power entered my soul, and a strange light as to
what our love for God consists in; namely, in doing His will.
617 O Holy Trinity, Eternal God, I want to shine in the crown of Your mercy as
a tiny gem whose beauty depends on the ray of Your light and of Your
inscrutable mercy. All that is beautiful in my soul is Yours, O God; of myself, I
am ever nothing.
618 At the beginning of Lent, I asked my confessor for some mortification for
this time of fast. I was told not to cut down on my food but, while eating, to
meditate on how the Lord Jesus, on the Cross, accepted vinegar and gall. This
would be my mortification. I did not know that this would be so beneficial to my
soul. The benefit is that I am meditating constantly on His sorrowful Passion and
so, while I am eating, I am not preoccupied with what I am eating, but am
reflecting on my Lord's death.
619 At the beginning of Lent, I also asked to have the subject of my particular
examen changed, and I was told to do everything with the pure intention of
reparation for poor sinners. This keeps me in continual union with God, and this
intention perfects my actions, because everything I do is done for immortal
souls. All hardships and fatigue are as nothing when I think that they reconcile
sinful souls with God.
620 Mary is my Instructress, who is ever teaching me how to live for God. My
spirit brightens up in Your gentleness and Your humility, O Mary.
621 On one occasion, when I dropped by the chapel for a five-minute adoration
and was praying for a certain soul, I came to understand that God does not
always accept our petitions for the souls we have in mind, but directs these to
other souls. Hence, although we do not relieve the souls we intended to relieve
in their purgatorial suffering, still our prayer is not lost.
622 Intimate communion of a soul with God. God approaches a soul in a special
way known only to himself and to the soul. No one perceives this mysterious
union. Love presides in this union, and everything is achieved by love alone.
Jesus gives himself to the soul in a gentle and sweet manner, and in His depths
there is peace. He grants the soul many graces and makes it capable of sharing
His eternal thoughts. And frequently, He reveals to it His divine plans.
623 Father Andrasz told me that it would be a good thing to have in God's
Church a group of souls who would beg for His mercy, because in fact we are
all in need of that mercy. After these words, an extraordinary light filled my soul.
Oh, how good is the Lord!
624 March 18, 1936. Once, I asked the Lord Jesus to take the first step by
bringing about some change or some external event, or by letting them expel me,
as I found it impossible to leave the Congregation on my own initiative. And I
was in an agony over this for more than three hours. I could not pray, but kept
submitting my will to the will of God. The next morning, Mother Superior [Borgia] told me that Mother General
[Michael] was transferring me to Warsaw. I answered Mother that perhaps I
should not go but leave [the Congregation] directly from here. I regarded this to
be the external sign for which I had been asking God. Mother Superior made no
reply, but after some time she called me again and said, "You know what, Sister:
go anyway and don't worry about wasting a trip, even if you should return
immediately." I answered, "All right, I will go," although my heart was seized
with pain because I knew that by this trip this matter would be delayed.
However, I try always to be obedient, despite everything.
625 In the evening, when I was praying, the Mother of God told me, Your lives
must be like Mine: quiet and hidden, in unceasing union with God, pleading for
humanity and preparing the world for the second coming of God.
626 In the evening, during Benediction, my soul was for some time in
communion with God the Father. I felt I was in His hand like a little child, and I
heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything, My daughter; all the
adversaries will be shattered at My feet. At these words, a deep peace and a
great interior calm entered my soul.
627 When I complained to the Lord that He was taking my help away and that I
would be alone again and would not know what to do, I heard these words: Do
not be afraid; I am always with you. After these words, a deep peace once
again entered my soul. His presence penetrated me completely in a way that
could be sensed. My spirit was flooded with light, and my body participated in
this as well.
628 On the evening of the last day before my departure from Vilnius, an elderly
sister [131] revealed the condition of her soul to me. She said that she had
already been suffering interiorly for several years, that it seemed to her that all
her confessions had been bad, and that she had doubts as to whether the Lord
Jesus had forgiven her. I asked her if she had ever told her confessor about this.
She answered that she had spoken many times about this to her confessors
and... "the confessors are always telling me to be at peace, but still I suffer very
much, and nothing brings me relief, and it constantly seems to me that God has
not forgiven me." I answered, "You should obey your confessor, Sister, and be
fully at peace, because this is certainly a temptation." But she entreated me with tears in her eyes to ask Jesus if He had forgiven her
and whether her confessions had been good or not. I answered forcefully, "Ask
Him yourself, Sister, if you don't believe your confessors!" But she clutched my
hand and did not want to let me go until I gave her an answer, and she kept
asking me to pray for her and to let her know what Jesus would tell me about
her. Crying bitterly, she would not let me go and said to me, "I know that the
Lord Jesus speaks to you, Sister." Since she was clutching my hand and I could
not wrench myself away, I promised her I would pray for her. In the evening,
during Benediction, I heard these words in my soul: Tell her that her disbelief
wounds My heart more than the sins she committed. When I told her this, she
began to cry like a child, and great joy entered her soul. I understood that God
wanted to console this soul through me. Even though it cost me a good deal, I
fulfilled God's wish.
629 When I entered the chapel for a moment that same evening, to thank God
for all the graces He had bestowed on me in this house, suddenly God's
presence enveloped me. I felt like a child in the hands of the best of fathers, and
I heard these words: Do not fear anything. I am always with you. His love
penetrated my whole being. I felt I was entering into such close intimacy with
Him that I cannot find words to express it.
630 Then I saw one of the seven spirits near me, radiant as at other times, under
a form of light. I constantly saw him beside me when I was riding on the train. I
saw an angel standing on every church we passed, but surrounded by a light
which was paler than that of the spirit who was accompanying me on the
journey, and each of these spirits who were guarding the churches bowed his
head to the spirit who was near me. When I entered the convent gate at Warsaw, the spirit disappeared. I thanked
God for His goodness, that He gives us angels for companions. Oh, how little
people reflect on the fact that they always have beside them such a guest, and at
the same time a witness to everything! Remember, sinners, that you likewise
have a witness to all your deeds.
631 O my Jesus, Your goodness surpasses all understanding, and no one will
exhaust Your mercy. Damnation is for the soul who wants to be damned; but for
the one who desires salvation, there is the inexhaustible ocean of the Lord's
mercy to draw from. How can a small vessel contain the unfathomable ocean?
632 As I was taking leave of the sisters and was about to depart, one of them
[132] apologized much to me for having helped me so little in my duties, and not
only for having neglected to help me, but also for having tried to make things
more difficult for me. However, in my own heart, I regarded her as a great
benefactress, because she had exercised me in patience to such an extent that
one of the elder sisters had once said, "Sister Faustina must be either a fool or a
saint, for truly, an ordinary person would not tolerate having someone constantly
do such things out of spite." However, I had always approached her with good
will. That particular sister had tried to make my work more difficult to the point
that, despite my efforts, she had sometimes succeeded in spoiling what had been
well done, as she herself admitted to me at our parting, and for which she
begged my pardon. I had not wanted to probe her intentions, but took it as a
trial from God...
633 I am greatly surprised at how one can be so jealous. When I see someone
else's good, I rejoice at it as if it were mine. The joy of others is my joy, and the
suffering of others is my suffering, for otherwise I would not dare to commune
with the Lord Jesus. The spirit of Jesus is always simple, meek, sincere; all
malice, envy, and unkindness disguised under a smile of good will are clever little
devils. A severe word flowing from sincere love does not wound the heart.
634 March 22,[1936]. When I arrived at Warsaw, I went into the small chapel
for a moment to thank the Lord for a safe journey, and I asked the Lord to give
me the assistance and the grace necessary for everything that was in store for
me here. I submitted myself in all things to His holy will. I heard these words:
Fear nothing; all difficulties will serve for the fulfillment of My will.
635 March 25. In the morning, during meditation, God's presence enveloped
me in a special way, as I saw the immeasurable greatness of God and, at the
same time, His condescension to His creatures. Then I saw the Mother of God,
who said to me, Oh, how pleasing to God is the soul that follows faithfully the
inspirations of His grace! I gave the Savior to the world; as for you, you have to
speak to the world about His great mercy and prepare the world for the Second
Coming of Him who will come, not as a merciful Savior, but as a just Judge. Oh,
how terrible is that day! Determined is the day of justice, the day of divine
wrath. The angels tremble before it. Speak to souls about this great mercy while
it is still the time for [granting] mercy. If you keep silent now, you will be
answering for a great number of souls on that terrible day. Fear nothing. Be
faithful to the end. I sympathize with you.
636 When I arrived at Walendow, one of the sisters [133] gave me this
welcome: "Sister, now that you have come to us here, everything is going to be
all right." I said to her, "Why do you say that, Sister?" She answered that she felt
this in her soul. This particular person is full of simplicity and very pleasing to the
Heart of Jesus. The house really was in dire straits [financially]. ...I shall not
mention all of that here.
637 Confession. As I was preparing for confession, I said to Jesus, hidden in
the Blessed Sacrament, "Jesus, I beg You to speak to me through the mouth of
this priest. And this will be a sign to me, because he does not know at all that
You want me to establish that Congregation of Mercy. Let him say something to
me about this mercy." When I approached the confessional and started my confession, the priest
interrupted me and started telling me about the great mercy of God, and he
spoke more forcefully about it than I had ever heard anyone speak before. And
he asked me, "Do you know that the mercy of the Lord is greater than all His
works, that it is the crown of His works?" And I listened attentively to these
words which the Lord was speaking through the mouth of the priest. Although I
believe that it is always God who speaks through the lips of the priest in the
confessional, I experienced it in a special way on that occasion. Although I did not reveal anything of the divine life which is in my soul and only
accused myself of my offenses, the priest himself told me very much of what was
in my soul and put me under obligation to be faithful to the inspirations of God.
He said to me, "You are going through life with the Mother of God, who
faithfully responded to every divine inspiration." O my Jesus, who can ever
comprehend Your goodness?
638 Jesus, drive away from me the thoughts that are not in accord with Your
will. I know that nothing now binds me to this earth but this work of mercy.
639 Thursday. During the evening adoration, I saw Jesus scourged and tortured.
He said to me, My daughter, I desire that even in the smallest things, you rely on
your confessor. Your greatest sacrifices do not please Me if you practice them
without the confessor's permission; on the other hand, the smallest sacrifice finds
great value in My eyes, if it is done with his permission. The greatest works are
worthless in My eyes if they are done out of self-will, and often they are not in
accord with My will and merit punishment rather than reward. And on the other
hand, even the smallest of your acts, done with the confessor's permission is
pleasing in My eyes and very dear to Me. Hold firmly to this always. Be
constantly on the watch, for many souls will turn back from the gates of hell and
worship My mercy. But fear nothing, as I am with you. Know that of yourself
you can do nothing.
640 On the First Friday of the month, before Communion, I saw a large
ciborium filled with sacred hosts. A hand placed the ciborium in front of me, and
I took it in my hands. There were a thousand living hosts inside. Then I heard a
voice, These are hosts which have been received by the souls for whom you
have obtained the grace of true conversion during this Lent. That was a week
before Good Friday. I spent the day in great interior recollection, emptying
myself for the sake of souls.
641 Oh, what joy it is to empty myself for the sake of immortal souls! I know
that the grain of wheat must be destroyed and ground between millstones in
order to become food. In the same way, I must become destroyed in order to
be useful to the Church and souls, even though exteriorly no one will notice my
sacrifice. O Jesus, outwardly I want to be hidden, just like this little wafer
wherein the eye perceives nothing, and yet I am a host consecrated to You.
642 Palm Sunday. This Sunday, I experienced in a special way the sentiments of
the most sweet Heart of Jesus. My spirit was there where Jesus was. I saw
Jesus riding on a donkey's foal, and the disciples and a great multitude with
branches in their hands joyfully accompanying the Lord Jesus. Some strewed
them before His feet where He was riding, while others raised their branches in
the air, leaping and jumping before the Lord and not knowing what to do for
joy. And I saw another crowd which came out to meet Jesus, likewise with
joyful faces and with branches in their hands, and they were crying out
unceasingly with joy. There were little children there also. But Jesus was very
grave, and the Lord gave me to know how much He was suffering at the time.
And at that moment, I saw nothing but only Jesus, whose Heart was saturated
with ingratitude. 643 Quarterly confession. Father Bukowski. When some inner force urged me
again not to put off this matter, I was unable to find peace. I told the confessor,
Father Bukowski, that I could not wait any longer. Father answered me, "Sister,
this is an illusion. The Lord Jesus cannot be demanding this. You have made
your perpetual vows. All this is an illusion. You are inventing some sort of
heresy!" And he was shouting at me, almost at the top of his voice. I asked him
whether all of this was an illusion, and He said, "Everything." "Then please tell
me what course I must take." "Well, Sister, you must not follow any inspiration.
You should get your mind off all this. You should pay no attention to what you
hear in your soul and try to carry out your exterior duties well. Give no thought
to these things and put them completely out of your mind." I answered, "Good,
up to now, I have been following my conscience, but now that you direct me,
Father, to pay no heed to my interior, I will cease to do so." Then he said, "If
the Lord Jesus tells you something again, please let me know, but you must take
no action." I answered, "Very well; I will try to be obedient. "I do not know why
Father was being so severe.
644 644 When I left the confessional, a multitude of thoughts oppressed my
soul. Why be sincere? What I have told is no sin, so I have no duty to tell it to
the confessor. And again, what a relief that I do not have to heed my interior any
more as long as things are all right on the outside. I do not have to pay attention
to anything or to follow the inner voices that have often cost me so much
humiliation. From now on, I will be free. And again, a strange pain seized my
soul: can I not, then, commune with the One whom I desire so greatly? The One
who is the whole strength of my soul? I began to cry out, "To whom shall I go,
O Jesus?" But from the moment of the confessor's prohibition, great darkness
fell upon my soul. I feared lest I hear some inner voice, which would occasion
the breaking of my confessor's prohibition. And then again, I die of longing for
God. My interior is torn asunder, not having any will of its own, since it has been
turned over completely to God. That was on Wednesday of Holy Week. The suffering intensified on Holy
Thursday. When I came to make my meditation, I entered into a kind of agony.
I did not feel the presence of God, but all the justice of God weighed heavily
upon me. I saw myself as if knocked down for the sins of the world. Satan
began to mock me, "See, now you will no longer strive to win souls; look how
you've been paid! Nobody will believe you that Jesus demands this. See how
much you are suffering now, and how much more you are going to suffer! After
all, the confessor has now released you from all these things." Now I can live as
I like, as long as things are all right outwardly. These dreadful thoughts
tormented me throughout the whole hour. When it was almost time for Holy Mass, my heart was seized with pain; am I,
then, to leave the Congregation? And since Father has told me that this is a kind
of heresy, am I to fall away from the Church? I cried out to the Lord with a
sorrowful interior cry, "Jesus, save me!" Still, not a single ray of light entered my
soul, and I felt my strength failing, as if the body were separating itself from the
soul. I submitted to the will of God and repeated, "O God, let whatever You
have decided upon happen to me. Nothing in me is any longer my own." Then,
suddenly, God's presence enveloped me and penetrated me through and
through. This was just as I was receiving Holy Communion. A moment after
Holy Communion, I lost all awareness of everything around me and of my
whereabouts.
645 Then I saw the Lord Jesus, as He is represented in the image, and He said
to me, Tell the confessor that this work is Mine and that I am using you as a
lowly instrument. And I said, "Jesus, I can no longer do anything You command
me to do, because my confessor has told me that all this is an illusion, and that I
am not allowed to obey any of Your commands. I will do nothing that You will
tell me to do now. I am sorry, my Lord, but I am not allowed to do anything,
and I must obey my confessor. Jesus, I most earnestly ask Your pardon. You
know how much I suffer because of this, but it can't be helped, Jesus. The
confessor has forbidden me to follow Your orders." Jesus listened to my
arguments and complaints with kindness and satisfaction. I thought the Lord
Jesus would be grievously offended but, on the contrary, He was pleased and
said to me kindly, Always tell your confessor about everything I say to you and
command you to do, and do only that for which you obtain permission. Do not
be upset, and fear nothing; I am with you. My soul was filled with joy, and all
those oppressive thoughts vanished. Certitude and courage entered my soul.
646 But after a short while, I entered into the sufferings which Jesus underwent
in the Garden of Olives. This lasted until Friday morning. On Friday, I
experienced the Passion of Jesus but, this time, in a different way. On that day,
Father Bukowski came from Derdy. Some strange power pushed me to go to
confession and tell him about everything that had happened to me and about
what Jesus had said to me. When I told Father, he was quite different and he
said to me, "Sister, don't be afraid of anything; you will come to no harm, for the
' Lord Jesus will not allow it. If you are obedient and persevere in this
disposition, you need not worry about anything. God will find a way to bring
about His work. You should always have this simplicity and sincerity and tell
everything to Mother General. What I said to ; you was said as a warning,
because illusions may afflict even holy persons, and Satan's insinuations may
play a part in this, and sometimes this comes from our own selves, so one has to
be careful. And so continue as you have thus far. You can see, Sister, that the
Lord is not angered by this. And Sister, you can repeat these things that have
happened to you at present to your regular confessor [Father Sopocko]."
647 From this, I came to understand one thing: that I must pray much for each
of my confessors, that he might obtain the light of the Holy Spirit, for when I
approach the confessional without first praying, fervently, the confessor does not
understand me very well. Father encouraged me to pray fervently for these
intentions, that God would give better knowledge and understanding of the
things He is asking of me. "Make novena after novena, Sister, and God will not
refuse the graces."
648 Good Friday. At three o'clock, I saw the Lord Jesus, crucified, who
looked at me and said, I thirst. Then I saw two rays issue from His side, just as
they appear in the image. I then felt in my soul the desire to save souls and to
empty myself for the sake of poor sinners. I offered myself, together with the
dying Jesus, to the Eternal Father, for the salvation of the whole world. With
Jesus, through Jesus and in Jesus is my communion with You, Eternal Father.
On Good Friday, Jesus suffered in His soul in a way which was different from
[His suffering on] Holy Thursday.
649 Mass of the Resurrection. [April 12, 1936]. When I entered the chapel, my
spirit was immersed in God, its only treasure. His presence flooded me.
650 O my Jesus, my Master and Director, strengthen and enlighten me in these
difficult moments of my life. I expect no help from people; all my hope is in You.
I feel alone in the face of Your demands, O Lord. Despite the fears and qualms
of my nature, I am fulfilling Your holy will and desire to fulfill it as faithfully as
possible throughout my life and in my death. Jesus, with You I can do all things.
Do with me as You please; only give me Your merciful Heart and that is enough
for me. O Jesus my Lord, help me. Let what You have planned before all ages happen
to me. I am ready at each beckoning of Your holy will. Enlighten my mind that I
may know Your will. O God, You who pervade my soul, You know that I
desire nothing but Your glory. O Divine Will, You are the delight of my heart, the food of my soul, the light of
my intellect, the omnipotent strength of my will; for when I unite myself with
Your will, O Lord, Your power works through me and takes the place of my
feeble will. Each day, I seek to carry out God's wishes. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
651 O incomprehensible God, how great is Your mercy! It surpasses the
combined understanding of all men and angels. All the angels and all humans
have emerged from the very depths of Your tender mercy. Mercy is the flower
of love. God is love, and mercy is His deed. In love it is conceived; in mercy it is
revealed. Everything I look at speaks to me of God's mercy. Even God's very
justice speaks to me about His fathomless mercy, because justice flows from
love.
652 There is one word I heed and continually ponder; it alone is everything to
me; I live by it and die by it, and it is the holy will of God. It is my daily food.
My whole soul listens intently to God's wishes. I do always what God asks of
me, although my nature often quakes and I feel that the magnitude of these things
is beyond my strength. 1 know well what I am of myself, but I also know what
the grace of God is, which supports me.
653 April 25, 1936. Walendow. On that day, the suffering in my soul was more
severe than ever before. From early morning, I felt as if my body and soul had
separated. I felt that God's presence had penetrated my whole being; I felt all
the justice of God within me; I felt I stood alone before God. I thought: one
word from my spiritual director would set me entirely at peace; but what can I
do?-he is not here. However, I decided to seek light in holy confession. When I
uncovered my soul to the priest, [134] he was afraid to continue hearing my
confession, and that caused me even greater suffering. When I see that a priest
is fearful, I do not obtain any inner peace. So I have decided that only to my
spiritual director will I open my soul in all matters, from the greatest to the least,
and that I will follow his directions strictly.
654 Now I understand that confession is only the confessing of one's sins, and
spiritual guidance is a different thing altogether. But this is not what I want to
speak about. I want to tell about a strange thing that happened to me for the first
time. When the confessor started talking to me, I did not understand a single
word. Then I saw Jesus Crucified and He said to me, It is in My Passion that
you must seek light and strength. After the confession, I meditated on Jesus'
terrible Passion, and I understood that what I was suffering was nothing
compared to the Savior's Passion, and that even the smallest imperfection was
the cause of this terrible suffering. Then my soul was filled with very great
contrition, and only then I sensed that I was in the sea of the unfathomable
mercy of God. Oh, how few words I have to express what I am experiencing! I
feel I am like a drop of dew engulfed in the depths of the bottomless ocean of
divine mercy.
655 + May 11, 1936. I came to Cracow. I was happy that at last I shall be able
to carry out all that the Lord Jesus was demanding. Once, when I was speaking with Father A.... [Andrasz] and had told him
everything, I received this answer: "Sister, pray till the day of the Feast of the
Most Sacred Heart and add some mortification to the prayer, and on the Feast
of the Sacred Heart I will give you an answer." But one day, I heard this voice in
my soul: Fear nothing; I am with you. After these words, I felt such an urgency
within me that, without waiting for the Feast of the Sacred Heart, I said during
confession that I was going to leave the Congregation immediately. Father
answered, "Sister, since you have made the decision by yourself, then take the
responsibility for yourself. Go." I was happy to be leaving. The following morning, God's presence suddenly left me. A great darkness
came over my soul. I could not pray. Because of this sudden loss of the
presence of God, I decided to postpone the matter for a while, until I had talked
with Father. Father A. [Andrasz] answered that such changes in souls were frequent, and
that this was not an obstacle to action.
656 When I talked to Mother General [Michael] about everything that had
happened to me, she said, "Sister, I am locking you in the tabernacle with the
Lord Jesus; wherever you go from there, that will be the will of God."
657 June 19. When we went to the Jesuits' place for theprocession of the
Sacred Heart, during Vespers I saw the same rays coming forth from the
Sacred Host, just as they are painted in the image. My soul was filled with great
longing for God. June, 1936. Conversation with Father A. [Andrasz]
658 "Know that these are hard and difficult things. Your principal spiritual
director is the Holy Spirit. We can only give direction to these inspirations, but
your real director is the Holy Spirit. If you yourself have decided to leave,
Sister, I neither prohibit nor order you to do so. You take the responsibility for
yourself. I say this to you, Sister: you can begin to take action. You are capable
of doing so, and therefore you can do so. These things are indeed probable; all
you have told me up to now [before perpetual vows in Cracow in 1933] speaks
in favor of taking action. Still, you have to be very careful in all this. Pray much
and ask that I be given light."
659 During Holy Mass, offered by Father Andrasz, I saw the little Infant Jesus,
who told me that I was to depend on him for everything; no action undertaken
on your own, even though you put much effort into it, pleases Me. I understood
this [need of] dependence.
660 O my Jesus, on the day of the last judgment, You will demand from me an
account of this work of mercy. O just Judge, but my Spouse as well, help me to
do Your holy will. O mercy, O divine virtue! O most merciful Heart of Jesus, my Betrothed, make my heart like unto Yours.
661 July 16. I spent this whole night in prayer. I meditated upon the Lord's
Passion, and my soul was crushed by the burden of God's justice. The Hand of
the Lord touched me.
662 July 17. O my Jesus, You know how much adversity I encounter in this
matter, how much reproach I must put up with, how many ironic smiles I must
take with equanimity. Oh, alone I would not be able to survive this, but with
You, my Master, I can do all things. Oh, how painfully an ironic smile wounds,
especially when one [appears to] speak with great sincerity.
663 July 22. O my Jesus, I know that a person's greatness is evidenced by his
deeds and not by his words or feelings. It is the works that have come from us
that will speak about us. My Jesus, do not allow me to daydream, but give me
the courage and strength to fulfill Your holy will. Jesus, if You wish to leave me in uncertainty, even to the end of my life, may
Your Holy Name be blessed. June.
664 + O my Jesus, how immensely I rejoice at the assurance You have given
me that the Congregation will come into being. I no longer have the least
shadow of a doubt about this, and I see how great is the glory which it will give
to God. It will be the reflection of God's greatest attribute; that is, His divine
mercy. Unceasingly, they will intercede for divine mercy for themselves and for
the whole world. And every act of mercy will flow from God's love, that love
with which they will be filled to overflowing. They will strive to make their own
this great attribute of God, and to live by it and to bring others to know it and to
trust in the goodness of the Lord. This Congregation of Divine Mercy will be in
God's Church like a beehive in a magnificent garden, hidden and meek. The
sisters will work like bees to feed their neighbors' souls with honey, while the
wax will flame for the glory of God. + June 29, 1936.
665 Father Andrasz told me to make a novena for the intention of knowing
better the will of God. I prayed ardently, adding a certain bodily mortification.
Towards the end of the novena, I received an inner light and the assurance that
the Congregation will come into being and that it is pleasing to God. Despite the
difficulties and adversities, complete peace and strength entered my soul from on
high. I understood that nothing could resist or nullify the will of God. I
understood that I must carry out this will of God despite obstacles, persecution
and sufferings of all kinds, and despite natural repugnance and fear.
666 I understood that all striving for perfection and all sanctity consist in doing
God's will. Perfect fulfillment of God's will is maturity in sanctity; there is no
room for doubt here. To receive God's light and recognize what God wants of
us and yet not do it is a great offense against the majesty of God. Such a soul
deserves to be completely forsaken by God. It resembles Lucifer, who had
great light, but did not do God's will. An extraordinary peace entered my soul
when I reflected on the fact that, despite great difficulties, I had always faithfully
followed God's will as I knew it. O Jesus, grant me the grace to put Your will
into practice as I have come to know it, O God.
667 July 14. I received a letter at three o'clock [from Father Sopocko [135]].
O Jesus, You alone know what I suffer, but I will keep silent and will not say
anything about it to any creature, because I know that no one will comfort me.
You are everything to me, O God, and Your holy will is my nourishment. I am
living now on what I will live on in eternity. I have great reverence for Saint Michael the Archangel; he had no example to
follow in doing the will of God, and yet he fulfilled God's will faithfully.
668 + July 15. During Holy Mass, I offered myself completely to the heavenly
Father through the sweetest Heart of Jesus; let Him do as He pleases with me.
Of myself I am nothing, and in my misery I have nothing of worth; so I abandon
myself into the ocean of Your mercy, O Lord.
669 July 16. I am learning how to be good from Jesus, from Him who is
goodness itself, so that I may be called a daughter of the heavenly Father. This
morning, when someone hurt my feelings, I tried, in that suffering, to unite my
will to the will of God, and I praised God by my silence. In the afternoon, I went
for a five-minute adoration, when suddenly I saw the crucifix I have on my
breast come alive. Jesus said to me, My daughter, suffering will be a sign to you
that I am with you. My soul was greatly moved by these words.
670 O Jesus, my Master and my Director, it is only with You that I can converse. With no one else is it so easy to talk as with You, O God.
671 In my spiritual life, I will always hold on to the priest's hand. About my
soul's life and its needs, I will speak only with my confessor.
672 + August 4, 1936. Inner torment for more than two hours. Agony....
Suddenly, God's presence pervades me and I feel as though I am coming under
the power of the just God. His justice pervades me to the marrow; outwardly I
lose strength and consciousness. With this, I come to know the great holiness of
God and my own great misery. A great torment afflicts my soul; the soul
perceives its deeds to be not without blemish. Then the strength of trust is
awakened in the soul, which longs for God with all its might. Yet it sees how
miserable it is and what utter vanity everything that surrounds it. And face to
face with such holiness, Oh, poor soul.... August 13.
673 I was tormented by terrible temptations all day; blasphemies thrust
themselves upon my lips, and I felt an aversion for everything that is holy and
godlike. Yet I struggled throughout the day. In the evening, my mind became
oppressed: what's the use of telling this to the confessor? He will ridicule it. A
feeling of aversion and discouragement filled my soul, and it seemed to me that I
could by no means receive Holy Communion in that condition. At the thought of
not receiving Communion, such a terrible pain seized my soul that I almost cried
aloud in the chapel. But I suddenly realized that the sisters were there and
decided to go to the garden and hide myself there so as to be able to at least cry
out loud. Then suddenly, Jesus stood by me and said, Where are you intending
to go?
674 I gave no answer to Jesus, but poured out all my sorrow before Him, and
Satan's attempts ceased. Jesus then said to me, The inner peace that you have is
a grace, and suddenly He was gone. I felt happy and unaccountably peaceful.
Really, for so much peace to return within a moment-that is a thing only Jesus
can do, He, the most high Lord.
675 + August 7, 1936. When I received the article] [136] about Divine Mercy
with the image [on the cover], God's presence filled me in an extraordinary way.
When I steeped myself in a prayer of thanksgiving, I suddenly saw the Lord
Jesus in a great brightness, just as He is painted, and at His feet I saw Father
Andrasz and Father Sopocko. Both were holding pens in their hands, and
flashes of light and fire, like lightning, were coming from the tips of their pens and
striking a great crowd of people who were hurrying I know not where.
Whoever was touched by the ray of light immediately turned his back on the
crowd and held out his hands to Jesus. Some returned with great joy, others
with great pain and compunction. Jesus was looking at both priests with great
kindness. After a while, I was left alone with Jesus, and I said, "Jesus, take me
now, for Your will has already been accomplished." And Jesus answered, My
will has not yet been completely accomplished in you; you will still suffer much,
but I am with you; do not fear.
676 I have been talking much with the Lord about Father Andrasz and also
about Father Sopocko. I know that whatever I ask of the Lord He will not
refuse me, and He will give them that for which I ask. I sensed and I know how
greatly Jesus loves them. I am not writing about this in detail, but I know this,
and it makes me very happy. August 15, 1936
677 During a Mass celebrated by Father Andrasz, a moment before the
Elevation, God's presence pervaded my soul, which was drawn to the altar.
Then I saw the Mother of God with the Infant Jesus. The Infant Jesus was
holding onto the hand of Our Lady. A moment later, the Infant Jesus ran with
joy to the center of the altar, and the Mother of God said to me, See with what
assurance I entrust Jesus into his hands. In the same way, you are to entrust
your soul and be like a child to him. -After these words, my soul was filled with unusual trust. The Mother of God
was clothed in a white dress, strangely white, transparent; on Her shoulders She
had a transparent blue; that is, a blue-like mantle; with uncovered head [and]
flowing hair, She was exquisite, and inconceivably beautiful. She was looking at
Father with great tenderness, but after a moment, He broke up this beautiful
Child, and living blood flowed forth. Father bent forward and received the true
and living Jesus into himself. Had he eaten Him? I do not know how this took
place. Jesus, Jesus, I cannot keep up with You, for in an instant, You become
incomprehensible to me.
678 The essence of the virtues is the will of God. He who does the will of God
faithfully, practices all the virtues. In all the events and circumstances of my life, I
adore and bless the holy will of God. The holy will of God is the object of my
love. In the most secret depths of my soul, I live according to His will. I act
exteriorly according to what I recognize inwardly as the will of God. Sweeter to
me are the torments, sufferings, persecutions and all manner of adversities by
divine will than popularity, praise and esteem by my own will.
679 Good night, my Jesus; the bell is calling me to sleep. My Jesus, You see
that I am dying from the desire to save souls. Good night, my Beloved; I rejoice
at being one day closer to eternity. And if You let me wake up tomorrow, Jesus,
I shall begin a new hymn to Your praise.
680 + July 13. During meditation today, I came to understand that I should
never speak about my own interior experiences, [but] that I should conceal
nothing from my spiritual director; and I will especially ask God to enlighten my
spiritual director. I attach greater importance to the words of my confessor than
to all the lights taken together that I receive interiorly.
681 + Amid the greatest torments, I fix the gaze of my soul upon Jesus
Crucified; I do not expect help from people, but place my trust in God. In His
unfathomable mercy lies all my hope.
682 + The more I feel that God is transforming me, the more I desire to
immerse myself in silence. The love of God is doing its work in the depths of my
soul. I see that the mission which the Lord has entrusted to me is beginning.
683 + Once, when I was praying fervently to the Jesuit Saints, I suddenly saw
my Guardian Angel, who led me before the throne of God. I passed through
great hosts of saints, and I recognized many of them, whom I knew from their
pictures. I saw many Jesuits, who asked me from what congregation I was.
When I answered they asked, "Who is your spiritual director?" I answered that
it was Father A.... When they wanted to say more, my Guardian Angel
beckoned me to be silent, and I came before the throne of God. I saw a great
and inaccessible light, and I saw a place destined for me, close to God. But
what it was like I do not know, because a cloud covered it. However, my
Guardian Angel said to me, "Here is your throne, for your faithfulness in fulfilling
the will of God."
684 + Holy Hour. -Thursday. During this hour of prayer, Jesus allowed me to
enter the Cenacle, and I was a witness to what happened there. However, I was
most deeply moved when, before the Consecration, Jesus raised His eyes to
heaven and entered into a mysterious conversation with His Father. It is only in
eternity that we shall really understand that moment. His eyes were like two
flames; His face was radiant, white as snow; His whole personage full of
majesty, His soul full of longing. At the moment of Consecration, love rested
satiated-the sacrifice fully consummated. Now only the external ceremony of
death will be carried out-external destruction; the essence [of it] is in the
Cenacle. Never in my whole life had I understood this mystery so profoundly as
during that hour of adoration. Oh, how ardently I desire that the whole world
would come to know this unfathomable mystery!
685 After the Holy Hour, when I went to my cell, I suddenly learned how
greatly God was offended by a certain person, who was close to my heart. At
the sight of this, my soul was pierced with pain, and I cast myself in the dust
before the Lord, begging His mercy. For two hours, in tears, prayer and
flagellation I prevented the sin, and I learned that God's mercy had embraced
that poor soul. Oh, the price of one single sin!
686 + September. First Friday. In the evening, I saw the Mother of God, with
Her breast bared and pierced with a sword. She was shedding bitter tears and
shielding us against God's terrible punishment. God wants to inflict terrible
punishment on us, but He cannot because the Mother of God is shielding us.
Horrible fear seized my soul. I kept praying incessantly for Poland, for my dear
Poland, which is so lacking in gratitude for the Mother of God. If it were not for
the Mother of God, all our efforts would be of little use. I intensified my prayers
and sacrifices for our dear native land, but I see that I am a drop before the
wave of evil. How can a drop stop a wave? O yes! A drop is nothing of itself,
but with You, Jesus, I shall stand up bravely to the whole wave of evil and even
to the whole of hell. Your omnipotence can do all things.
687 Once, as I was going down the hall to the kitchen, I heard these words in
my soul: Say unceasingly the chaplet that I have taught you. Whoever will recite
it will receive great mercy at the hour of death. Priests will recommend it to
sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even if there were a sinner most hardened,
if he were to recite this chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My
infinite mercy. I desire that the whole world know My infinite mercy. I desire to
grant unimaginable graces to those souls who trust in My mercy.
688 Jesus, Life and Truth, my Master, guide every step of my life, that I may act
according to Your holy will.
689 + On one occasion, I saw the throne of the Lamb of God and before the
throne three Saints: Stanislaus Kostka, Andrew Bobola and Prince Casimir,
who were interceding for Poland. All at once I saw a large book which stands
before the throne, and it was given to me to read. The book was written in
blood. Still, I could not read anything but the name, Jesus. Then I heard a voice
which said to me, Your hour has not yet come. Then the book was taken away
from me, and I heard these words: You will bear witness to My infinite mercy.
In this book are written the names of the souls that have glorified My mercy. I
was overwhelmed with joy at the sight of such great goodness of God.
690 + On one occasion, I came to know of the condition of two religious sisters
who were grumbling interiorly about an order the superior had given them, and
for this reason God had withheld many special graces from them. My heart
ached at this sight. How sad it is, O Jesus, when we ourselves are the cause of
the loss of graces. Whoever understands this is always faithful.
691 + Thursday. Although I was very tired today, I nevertheless resolved to
make a Holy Hour. I could not pray, nor could I remain kneeling, but I remained
in prayer for a whole hour and united myself in spirit with those souls who are
already worshiping God in the perfect way. But towards the end of the hour, I
suddenly saw Jesus, who looked at me penetratingly and said with ineffable
sweetness, Your prayer is extremely pleasing to Me. After these words, an
unusual power and spiritual joy entered my soul. God's presence continued to
pervade my soul. Oh, what happens to a soul that meets the Lord face to face,
no pen has ever expressed or ever will express!
692 + O Jesus, I understand that Your mercy is beyond all imagining, and
therefore I ask You to make my heart so big that there will be room in it for the
needs of all the souls living on the face of the earth. O Jesus, my love extends
beyond the world, to the souls suffering in purgatory, and I want to exercise
mercy toward them by means of indulgenced prayers. God's mercy is
unfathomable and inexhaustible, just as God himself is unfathomable. Even if I
were to use the strongest words there are to express this mercy of God, all this
would be nothing in comparison with what it is in reality. O Jesus, make my
heart sensitive to all the sufferings of my neighbor, whether of body or of soul. O
my Jesus, I know that You act toward us as we act toward our neighbor. My Jesus, make my heart like unto Your merciful Heart. Jesus, help me to go
through life doing good to everyone. 693 September 14, [1936]. The Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] of Vilnius visited
us. Although he stayed with us for a very short time, I still had a chance to talk
with this worthy priest about the work of mercy. He showed himself very
favorably disposed to this cause of mercy: "Sister, be completely at peace; if this
is within the plans of divine providence, it will come about. In the meantime,
Sister, pray for a clearer outward sign. Let the Lord Jesus give you a clearer
knowledge of this. I beg you to wait a little while longer. The Lord Jesus will
arrange the circumstances in such a way that everything will turn out all right."
694 > September 19, 1936. When we left the doctor's [137] [office] and
stepped into the sanatorium chapel for a moment, I heard these words in my
soul:My child, just a few more drops in your chalice; it won't be long now. Joy
filled my soul; this was the first call from my beloved Spouse and Master. My
heart melted, and there was a moment when my soul was immersed in the whole
sea of God's mercy. I felt that my mission was beginning in all its fullness. Death
destroys nothing that is good. I pray most of all for souls that are experiencing
inner sufferings.
695 Once, I received light concerning two sisters. I understood that it is not
possible for a person to act in the same manner towards everyone. There are
some people who have a strange way of making friends with others. And then,
as friends and under the pretext of that friendship, they manage to draw the
person out, word by word. Then, when the right moment comes, they use those
very same words to hurt that person. My Jesus, how strange is human frailty!
Your love, Jesus, gives the soul this great prudence in its dealings with others.
696 + September 24, 1936. Mother Superior [Irene] ordered me to say one decade of the rosary in place of
all the other exercises, and to go to bed at once. As soon as I lay down I fell
asleep, for I was very tired. But a while later, I was awakened by suffering. It
was such a great suffering that it prevented me from making even the slightest
movement; I could not even swallow my saliva. This lasted for about three
hours. I thought of waking up the novice sister [138] who shared my room, but
then I thought, "She cannot give me any help, so let her sleep. It would be a pity
to wake her. "I resigned myself completely to the will of God and thought that
the day of my death, so much desired, had come. It was an occasion for me to
unite myself with Jesus, suffering on the Cross. Beyond that, I was unable to
pray. When the suffering ceased, I began to perspire. But I still could not move,
as the pain would return at each attempt. In the morning, I felt very tired, though
I felt no further physical pain. Still, I could not get up to attend Mass. I thought
to myself, if after such suffering death does not come, then how great the
sufferings of death must be!
697 Jesus, You know that I love suffering and want to drain the cup of suffering
to the last drop; and yet, my nature experienced a slight shudder and fear.
Quickly, however, my trust in the infinite mercy of God was awakened in all its
force, and everything else had to give way before it, like a shadow retreating
before the sun's rays. O Jesus, how great is Your goodness! Your infinite
goodness, so well known to me, enables me to bravely look death itself in the
eye. I know that nothing will happen to me without God's permission. I desire to
glorify Your infinite mercy during my life, at the hour of death, in the resurrection
and throughout eternity. + My Jesus, my strength, my peace, my repose; my soul bathes daily in the rays
of Your mercy. There is nota moment in my life when I do not experience Your
mercy, O God. I count on nothing in my whole life, but only on Your infinite
mercy. It is the guiding thread of my life, O Lord. My soul is filled with God's
mercy.
698 + Oh, how sorely Jesus is hurt by the ingratitude of a chosen soul! What a
martyrdom it is for His unspeakable love! God loves us with the entire infinite
Being that He is; and imagine, a miserable particle of dust scorns that love! My
heart bursts with pain when I see this ingratitude.
699 On one occasion, I heard these words: My daughter, tell the whole world
about My inconceivable mercy. I desire that the Feast of Mercy [139] be a
refuge and shelter for all souls, and especially for poor sinners. On that day the
very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces
upon those souls who approach the fount of My mercy. The soul that will go to
Confession and receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of
sins and punishment. On that day all the divine floodgates through which grace
flow are opened. Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as
scarlet. My mercy is so great that no mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able
to fathom it throughout all eternity. Everything that exists has come forth from the
very depths of My most tender mercy. Every soul in its relation to Me will
contemplate My love and mercy throughout eternity. The Feast of Mercy
emerged from My very depths of tenderness. It is My desire that it be solemnly
celebrated on the first Sunday after Easter. Mankind will not have peace until it
turns to the Fount of My Mercy.
700 + Once, when I was very tired and in much pain, I told Mother Superior
[Irene] about it and received the answer that I should get used to suffering. I
listened to everything that Mother told me, and then I went out. Our Mother
Superior has great love of neighbor and especially great love for the sick sisters,
as everyone knows. And yet, as regards me, it is extraordinary that the Lord
Jesus has permitted that she not understand me and that she test me much in this
respect. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
701 On this particular day, when I was feeling so bad and still went to work,
every now and then I would feel sick. It was so very hot that, even without
working, a person felt terrible, not to mention what it was like when one had to
work while suffering. So, before noon, I straightened up from my work, looked
up to the sky with great trust and said to the Lord, "Jesus, cover the sun, for I
cannot stand this heat any longer." And, O wonder, at that very moment a white
cloud covered the sun and, from then on, the heat became less intense. When a
little while later I began to reproach myself that I did not bear the heat, but
begged for relief, Jesus himself put me at ease.
702 August 13, 1936. Tonight God's presence is pervading me, and in an
instant I come to know the great holiness of God. Oh, how the greatness of God
overwhelms me! I then come to know the whole depth of my nothingness. This
is a great torment, for this knowledge is followed by love. The soul bounds
forward vehemently toward God, and the two loves come face to face: the
Creator and the creature; one little drop seeks to measure itself with the ocean.
At first, the little drop wants to enclose the infinite ocean within itself; but at the
same moment, it knows itself to be just one small drop, and thus it is
vanquished, and it passes completely into God like a drop into the ocean. At
first, this moment is a torment, but so sweet that, on experiencing it, the soul is
happy.
703 At present, the topic of my particular examen is my union with the Merciful
Christ. This practice gives me unusual strength; my heart is always united with
the One it desires, and its actions are regulated by mercy, which flows from
love.
704 I spend every free moment at the feet of the hidden God. He is my Master;
I ask Him about everything; I speak to Him about everything. Here I obtain
strength and light; here I learn everything; here I am given light on how to act
toward my neighbor. From the time I left the novitiate, I have enclosed myself in
the tabernacle together with Jesus, my Master. He himself drew me into the fire
of living love on which everything converges.
705 September 25. I suffer great pain in my hands, feet and side, the places
where Jesus' body was pierced. I experience these pains particularly when I
meet with a soul who is not in the state of grace. Then I pray fervently that the
mercy of God will embrace that soul.
706 [September] 29. On the Feast of Saint Michael the Archangel, I saw by my side that great Leader, who spoke these words to me: "The Lord has ordered me to take special care of you. Know that you are hated by evil; but do not fear-'Who is like God!"' And he disappeared. But I feel his presence and assistance.
707 October 2, 1936. The First Friday of the month. After Holy Communion, I
suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, who spoke these words to me: Now I know that
it is not for the graces or gifts that you love me, but because My will is dearer to
you than life. That is why I am uniting myself with you so intimately as with no
other creature.
708 At that moment, Jesus disappeared. My soul was filled with the presence of
God. I know that the gaze of the Mighty One rests upon me. I plunged myself
completely in the joy that flows from God. I continued throughout the whole day
without interruption, thus immersed in God. In the evening, I fell as if into a faint
and a strange sort of agony. My love wants to equal the love of the Mighty One.
It is drawn to Him so vehemently that it is impossible, without some special
grace from God, to bear the vastness of such a grace in this life. But I see clearly
that Jesus himself is sustaining me and strengthening me and making me capable
of communing with Him. In all this, the soul is particularly active.
709 October 3, 1936. During the rosary today, I suddenly saw a ciborium with
the Blessed Sacrament. The ciborium was uncovered and quite filled with hosts.
From the ciborium came a voice: These hosts have been received by souls
converted through your prayer and suffering. At this point, I felt God's presence
as a child would; I felt strangely like a child.
710 When one day I felt I would be unable to carry on till nine and asked S.N.
[140] for something to eat, because I was going to bed earlier as I was not
feeling well, S.N. answered, "But you are not ill, Sister; they only wanted you to
have some rest, so they made up the illness." O my Jesus, my illness is so far
advanced [141] that the doctor has separated me from the sisters to prevent
them from becoming infected, and yet one is judged in this way. But that's good;
all this is for You, my Jesus. I do not want to write much about external matters,
for they are not the reason for my writing; I want in particular to note the graces
granted me by the Lord, because these are not only for me, but for many other
souls as well.
711 October 5, [1936]. Today I received a letter from Father Sopocko. I
learned that he intends to publish a holy card of the Merciful Christ. He asked
me to send him a certain prayer [142] which he wants to put on the back, if he
receives the Archbishop's approbation. Oh, what great joy fills my heart that
God has let me see this work of His mercy! How great is this work of the Most
High God! I am but His instrument. Oh, how ardently I desire to see this Feast
of the Divine Mercy which God is demanding through me. But if it is the will of
God that it be celebrated solemnly only after my death, even so I rejoice in it
already, and I celebrate it interiorly with my confessor's permission.
712 + I saw Father Andrasz today, kneeling and engulfed in prayer, and
suddenly Jesus stood by him and, holding out both hands over his head, He said
to me:- He will lead you through; do not fear.
713 October 11. This evening, as I was writing about this great mercy of God
and its great advantage to souls, Satan rushed into my room with great anger
and fury. He seized the screen and began to break and crush it. I was a little
frightened at first, but I immediately made the sign of the cross with my little
crucifix, and the beast fell quiet and disappeared at once. Today, I did not see
this hideous figure but only his anger. Satan's anger is terrible, and yet the screen
was not shattered or broken, and I went on writing quietly. I know well that the
wretch will not touch me without God's willing it, but what is he up to? He is
beginning to attack me openly and with such great fury and hate, but he does not
disturb my peace for a moment, and this composure of mine makes him furious.
714 + The Lord said to me today: Go to the Superior and tell her that I want all
the sisters and wards to say the chaplet which I have taught you. They are to say
it for nine days in the chapel in order to appease My Father and to entreat
God's mercy for Poland. I answered the Lord that I would tell her, but that I
must first speak about this with Father Andrasz, and I resolved that as soon as
Father comes I will speak to him at once about this matter. When Father
arrived, the circumstances were such that they prevented me from seeing him,
but I should not have paid any attention to the circumstances and should have
gone and settled the matter. I thought to myself, "Well, I'll do it when he comes again."
715 Oh, how much that displeased God! In one moment, the presence of God
left me, that great presence of God which is continuously within me in a distinctly
felt way. At that moment, however, it completely left me. Darkness dominated
my soul to such an extent that I did not know whether I was in the state of grace
or not. Therefore, I did not receive Holy Communion for four days, after which
I saw Father Andrasz and told him everything. He comforted me, saying, "You
have not lost the grace of God, but all the same, be true to Him." The moment I
left the confessional, God's presence enveloped me as before. I understood that
God's grace must be received just as God sends it, in the way He wants, and
one must receive it in that form under which God sends it to us. .
716 O my Jesus, I am making at this very moment a firm and eternal resolution
by virtue of Your grace and mercy, fidelity to the tiniest grace of Yours.
717 All night long, I was preparing to receive Holy Communion, since I could
not sleep because of physical suffering. My soul was flooded with love and
repentance.
718 After Holy Communion, I heard these words:- You see what you are of
yourself, but do not be frightened at this. If I were to reveal to you the whole
misery that you are, you would die of terror. However, be aware of what you
are. Because you are such great misery, I have revealed to you the whole ocean
of My mercy. I seek and desire souls like yours, but they are few. Your great
trust in Me forces Me to continuously grant you graces. You have great and
incomprehensible rights over My Heart, for you are a daughter of complete
trust. You would not have been able to bear the magnitude of the love which I
have for you if I had revealed it to you fully here on earth. I often give you a
glimpse of it, but know that this is only an exceptional grace from Me. My love
and mercy knows no bounds.
719 Today, I heard these words: Know, my child, that for your sake I grant
blessings to this whole vicinity. But you ought to thank Me on their behalf, as
they do not thank Me for the kindnesses I extend to them. For the sake of your
gratitude, I will continue to bless them.
720 O my Jesus, You know how difficult community life is, how many
misunderstandings and misconceptions, despite at times the most sincere good
will on both sides. But that is Your mystery, O Lord. We shall know it in
eternity; however, our judgments should always be mild.
721 It is a great, an immeasurably great grace of God to have a spiritual
director. I feel now that, without him, I would not be able to journey alone in my
spiritual life. Great is the power of a priest. I thank God unceasingly for giving
me a spiritual director.
722 + Today, I heard these words: You see how weak you are, so when shall I
be able to count on you? I answered, "Jesus, be always with me, for I am Your
little child. Jesus, You know what little children do."
723 + Today, I heard these words: The graces I grant you are not for you
alone, but for a great number of other souls as well... And your heart is My
constant dwelling place, despite the misery that you are. I unite Myself with you,
take away your misery and give you My mercy. I perform works of mercy in
every soul. The greater the sinner, the greater the right he has to My mercy. My
mercy is confirmed in every work of My hands. He who trusts in My mercy will
not perish, for all his affairs are Mine, and his enemies will be shattered at the
base of My footstool.
724 On the eve of the retreat, I started to pray that the Lord Jesus might give
me just a little health so that I could take part in the retreat, because I was
feeling so ill that I thought perhaps it might be my last. However, as soon as I
had started praying I felt a strange dissatisfaction. I interrupted the prayer of
supplication and began to thank the Lord for everything He sends me, submitting
myself completely to His holy will. Then I felt profound peace of soul. + Faithful
submission to the will of God, always and everywhere, in all events and
circumstances of life, gives great glory to God. Such submission to the will of
God carries more weight with Him than long fasts, mortifications and the most
severe penances. Oh, how great is the reward for one act of loving submission
to the will of God! As I write, my soul is enraptured at the thought of how much
God loves it and of the peace that my soul already enjoys, here on earth. + J.M.J. Cracow, 1936 O Divine Will, be my love!
725 + Eight-day Retreat, October 20, 1936. My Jesus, I am going into the wilderness today to speak only with You, my
Master and my Lord. Let the earth be silent, and You alone speak to me, Jesus.
You know that I understand no other voice but Yours, O Good Shepherd. In
the dwelling of my heart is that wilderness to which no creature has access.
There, You alone are King.
726 +When I entered the chapel for a five-minute adoration, I asked the Lord
Jesus how I should conduct myself during this retreat. Then I heard this voice in
my soul: I desire that you be entirely transformed into love and that you burn
ardently as a pure victim of love...
727 Eternal Truth, give me a ray of Your light that I may come to know You, O
Lord, and worthily glorify Your infinite mercy. And at the same time, grant me to
know myself, the whole abyss of misery that I am
728 + I have chosen Saint Claude de la Colombiere and Saint Gertrude as my
patron saints for this retreat, that they may intercede for me before the Mother
of God and the merciful Savior.
729 During the meditation on creation... at a certain point, my soul became
closely united to its Lord and Creator. In this union, I recognized the purpose
and destiny of my life. My purpose is to become closely united to God through
love, and my destiny is to praise and glorify God's mercy. The Lord has allowed me to know and experience this in a distinct and even
physical way. I become lost in admiration when I recognize and experience this
incomprehensible love of God with which God loves me. Who is God-and what
am I? I cannot meditate on this any further. Only love can understand this
meeting of two spirits, namely, God-who-is-Spirit and the soul-who-is-creature.
The more I know Him, the more completely with all the strength of my being I
drown in Him.
730 + In this retreat, I shall keep you continually close to My Heart, that you
may better know My mercy, that mercy which I have for people and especially
for poor sinners.
731 On the initial day of the retreat, I was visited by one of the sisters [143]
who had come to make her perpetual vows. She confided to me that she had no
trust in God and became discouraged at every little thing. I answered her, "It is
well that you have told me this, Sister; I will pray for you." And I spoke a few
words to her about how much distrust hurts the Lord Jesus, especially distrust
on the part of a chosen soul. She told me that, beginning with her perpetual
vows, she would practice trust. Now I know that even [some] souls that are
chosen and welladvanced in the religious life or the spiritual life do not have the
courage to entrust themselves completely to God. And this is so because few
souls know the unfathomable mercy of God and His great goodness.
732 + The great majesty of God which pervaded me today and still pervades
me awoke in me a great fear, but a fear filled with respect, and not the fear of a
slave, which is quite different from the fear of respect. This fear animated by
respect arose in my heart today because of love and the knowledge of the
greatness of God, and that is a great joy to the soul. The soul trembles before
the smallest offense against God; but that does not trouble or darken its
happiness. There, where love is in charge, all is well.
733 It sometimes happens, while I am listening to the meditation, that one word
puts me in very close union with the Lord, and I no longer know what Father
[144] is saying. I know that I am close to the most merciful Heart of Jesus; my
whole spirit is entirely plunged in Him, and in one moment I learn more than
during long hours of intellectual inquiry and meditation. These are sudden lights
which permit me to know things as God sees them, regarding matters of both
the interior and the exterior world.
734 I see that Jesus himself is acting in my soul during this retreat. And as for
me, I try only to be faithful to His grace. I have submitted my soul completely to
the influence of God. This Mighty Ruler of Heaven has taken entire possession
of my soul. I feel that I am being lifted up above earth and heaven into the inner
life of God, where I come to know the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, but
always in the unity of majesty.
735 + I will enclose myself in the chalice of Jesus so that I may comfort Him
continually. I will do everything within my power to save souls, and I will do it
through prayer and suffering. +I try always to be a Bethany for Jesus, so that He may rest here after all His
labors. In Holy Communion, my union with Jesus is so intimate and
incomprehensible that even if I wanted to describe it in writing I could not do so,
because I lack the words.
736 This evening, I saw the Lord Jesus just as He was during His Passion. His
eyes were raised up to His Father, and He was praying for us. I %-I
737 + Although I was ill, I made up my mind to make a Holy Hour today as
usual. During that hour, I saw the Lord Jesus being scourged at the pillar. In the
midst of this frightful torture, Jesus was praying. After a while, He said to me,
There are few souls who contemplate My Passion with true feeling; I give great
graces to souls who meditate devoutly on My Passion.
738 + Without special help from Me, you are not even capable of accepting My
graces. You know who you are.
739 After Holy Communion today, I spoke at length to the Lord Jesus about
people who are special to me. Then I heard these words: My daughter, don't be
exerting yourself so much with words. Those whom you love in a special way, I
too love in a special way, and for your sake, I shower My graces upon them. I
am pleased when you tell Me about them, but don't be doing so with such
excessive effort.
740 + O Savior of the world. I unite myself with Your mercy. My Jesus, I join
all my sufferings to Yours and deposit them in the treasury of the Church for the
benefit of souls.
741 Today, I was led by an Angel to the chasms of hell. It is a place of great
torture; how awesomely large and extensive it is! The kinds of tortures I saw:
the first torture that constitutes hell is the loss of God; the second is perpetual
remorse of conscience; the third is that one's condition will never change; the
fourth is the fire that will penetrate the soul without destroying it-a terrible
suffering, since it is a purely spiritual fire, lit by God's anger; the fifth torture is
continual darkness and a terrible suffocating smell, and, despite the darkness,
the devils and the souls of the damned see each other and all the evil, both of
others and their own; the sixth torture is the constant company of Satan; the
seventh torture is horrible despair, hatred of God, vile words, curses and
blasphemies. These are the tortures suffered by all the damned together, but that
is not the end of the sufferings. There are special tortures destined for particular
souls. These are the torments of the senses. Each soul undergoes terrible and
indescribable sufferings, related to the manner in which it has sinned. There are
caverns and pits of torture where one form of agony differs from another. I
would have died at the very sight of these tortures if the omnipotence of God
had not supported me. Let the sinner know that he will be tortured throughout
all eternity, in those senses which he made use of to sin. I am writing this at the
command of God, so that no soul may find an excuse by saying there is no hell,
or that nobody has ever been there, and so no one can say what it is like. I, Sister Faustina, by the order of God, have visited the abysses of hell so that I
might tell souls about it and testify to its existence. I cannot speak about it now;
but I have received a command from God to leave it in writing. The devils were
full of hatred for me, but they had to obey me at the command of God. What I
have written is but a pale shadow of the things I saw. But I noticed one thing:
that most of the souls there are those who disbelieved that there is a hell. When I
came to, I could hardly recover from the fright. How terribly souls suffer there!
Consequently, I pray even more fervently for the conversion of sinners. I
incessantly plead God's mercy upon them. O my Jesus, I would rather be in
agony until the end of the world, amidst the greatest sufferings, than offend You
by the least sin. + J.M.J.
742 My daughter, if I demand through you that people revere My mercy, you
should be the first to distinguish yourself by this confidence in My mercy. I
demand from you deeds of mercy, which are to arise out of love for Me. You
are to show mercy to your neighbors always and everywhere. You must not
shrink from this or try to excuse or absolve yourself from it. I am giving you three ways of exercising mercy toward your neighbor: the
first-by deed, the second-by word, the third-by prayer. In these three degrees is
contained the fullness of mercy, and it is an unquestionable proof of love for Me.
By this means a soul glorifies and pays reverence to My mercy. Yes, the first
Sunday after Easter is the Feast of Mercy, but there must also be acts of mercy,
and I demand the worship of My mercy through the solemn celebration of the
Feast and through the veneration of the image which is painted. By means of this
image I shall grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of
My mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works. O my
Jesus, You yourself must help me in everything, because You see how very little
I am, and so I depend solely on Your goodness, O God. + Particular Examen Union with the merciful Christ. With my heart I encompass the whole world,
especially countries which are uncivilized or where there is persecution. I am
praying for mercy upon them. 743 Two general resolutions: First: To strive after inner silence and to observe the rule of silence strictly. Second: Faithfulness to interior inspirations; to bring them into my life and
actions according to the advice of my spiritual director. In this present illness, I desire to glorify the will of God. I will try, as far as I am
able, to take part in all the community exercises. I will give the Lord God fervent
thanks for every sorrow and suffering.
744 + I often feel that, apart from Jesus, I get no help from anyone, although
sometimes I am very much in need of clarifications concerning the demands of
the Lord. This evening, I suddenly received light from God regarding a certain matter. For
twelve years, I have been reflecting on a certain matter and could not
understand it. Today, Jesus gave me to know how much that had pleased Him. The Feast of Christ the King. [October 25, 1936]
745 During Holy Mass, I was so enveloped in the great interior fire of God's
love and the desire to save souls that I do not know how to express it. I feel I
am all aflame. I shall fight all evil with the weapon of mercy. I am being burned
up by the desire to save souls. I traverse the world's length and breadth and
venture as far as its ultimate limits and its wildest lands to save souls. I do this
through prayer and sacrifice. I want every soul to glorify the mercy of God, for
each one experiences the effects of that mercy on himself. The Saints in heaven
worship the mercy of the Lord. I want to worship it even now, here on earth,
and to spread devotion to it in the way that God demands of me.
746 I have understood that at certain and most difficult moments I shall be
alone, deserted by everyone, and that I must face all the storms and fight with all
the strength of my soul, even with those from whom I expected to get help. But I am not alone, because Jesus is with me, and with Him I fear nothing. I am
well aware of everything, and I know what God is demanding of me. Suffering,
contempt, ridicule, persecution and humiliation will be my constant lot. I know
no other way. For sincere love-ingratitude; this is my path, marked out by the
footprints of Jesus. My Jesus, my strength and my only hope, in You alone is all my hope. My trust
will not be frustrated.
747 The day of renewal of vows [Friday, October 30, 1936]. God's presence
pervades my soul, not only in a spiritual way, but I feel it in a physical way also.
748 November 2, [1936]. In the evening after Vespers, I went to the cemetery
[in the sisters' park]. I had been praying for a while when I saw one of our
sisters, who said to me, "We are in the chapel." I understood that I was to go to
the chapel and there pray and gain the indulgences. The next day, during Holy
Mass, I saw three white doves soaring from the altar toward heaven. I
understood that not only the three souls that I saw had gone to heaven, but also
many others who had died beyond the confines of our institute. Oh, how good
and merciful is the Lord!
749 Conversation with Father Andrasz, at the end of the retreat. I was greatly
surprised by one thing that I noticed during each conversation in the course of
which I had asked advice and direction of Father Andrasz, and it is this: I
noticed that Father Andrasz answered all my questions about things which the
Lord has asked of me so clearly and with such assurance that it was as though
he were experiencing it all himself. O my Jesus, if only there were more spiritual
directors of this kind, souls under such guidance would very quickly reach the
summits of sanctity and would not waste such great graces! I give unceasing
thanks to God for so great a grace; namely, that in His great goodness He has
deigned to place these pillars of light along the path of my spiritual life. They light
my way so that I do not go astray or become delayed in my journey toward
close union with the Lord. I have a great love for the Church, which educates
souls and leads them to God.
750 October 31, 1936. Conversation with Mother General [Michael]. When I was talking to Mother General about the question of my leaving the
Order, I received this answer: "If Jesus demands of you that you leave this
Congregation, let Him give me some sign that this is His will. Sister, pray for
such a sign, because I am worried lest you should fall prey to some illusion. On
the other hand, I would not want to hinder or oppose the will of God, for I too
want to do the will of God." And so, we agreed that I will still remain just as I
am, until such time as the Lord will let Mother General know that He demands
that I leave this Congregation. And so the matter was put off for a while. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
751 And so You see, Jesus, that everything is now up to You. I am perfectly at
peace, despite these great urgings. For my part, I have done everything, and it is
now Your turn, my Jesus, and in this way Your cause will be made apparent. I
am totally in accord with Your will; do with me as You please, O Lord, but only
grant me the grace of loving You more and more ardently. This is what is most
precious to me. I desire nothing but You, O Love Eternal! It matters not along
what paths You will lead me, paths of pain or paths of joy. I want to love You
at every moment of my life. If You tell me to leave, O Jesus, in order to carry
out Your will, I will leave. If You tell me to stay, I will stay. It matters not what I
will suffer, in the one instance or the other. O my Jesus, if I leave, I know what I
shall have to suffer and endure. I agreed to this with full awareness, and I have
already accepted it by an act of the will. It does not matter what the chalice
holds for me. It is enough for me to know that it has been given to me by the
loving hand of God. If you tell me to turn back and stay, I will stay in spite of all
the interior urgings. If You still keep them in my soul and leave me in this inner
agony even to the end of my life, I accept this in the full consciousness of my will
and in loving submission to You, O my God. If I stay, I shall hide myself in Your
mercy, my God, so deeply that no human eye will see me. Throughout my life, I
want to be a thurible filled with hidden fire, and may the smoke rising up to You,
0 Living Host, be pleasing to You. I'll feel in my own heart that every little
sacrifice arouses the fire of my love for You, but in such a silent and secret way
that no one will detect it.
752 When I told Mother General that the Lord wanted the Congregation to say
the chaplet in order to propitiate God's anger, Mother told me that at present
she could not introduce new prayers that had not yet been approved... "But give
me the chaplet, Sister, [she said;] perhaps it can be said during an adoration.
We shall see. It would be good if Father Sopocko could publish a pamphlet
with the chaplet; then it would be better and easier to recite it in the
Congregation, for it is a bit difficult to do so now."
753 The mercy of the Lord is praised by the holy souls in heaven who have
themselves experienced that infinite mercy. What these souls do in heaven, I
already will begin to do here on earth. I will praise God for His infinite
goodness, and I will strive to bring other souls to know and glorify the
inexpressible and incomprehensible mercy of God.
754 +The Lord's Promise: The souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by
My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death.
755 O my Jesus, teach me to open the bosom of mercy and love to everyone
who asks for it. Jesus, my Commander, teach me so that all my prayers and
deeds may bear the seal of Your mercy.
756 November 18, 1936. Today, I tried to make all my exercises before
Benediction, because I was feeling more ill than usual. So I went to bed directly
after Benediction. But when I entered the bedroom, I suddenly knew interiorly
that I should go to the cell of S.N., [145] because she was in need of help. I
entered her cell at once, and S.N. said to me, "Oh, how good it is that God has
brought you here, Sister!" And her voice was so faint that I could hardly hear
her. She said to me, "Sister, please bring me some tea with lemon, because I am
terribly thirsty, and I cannot move because I am in such pain." And truly, she
was suffering very much and had a high fever. I made her more comfortable,
and she was able to quench her thirst with the little bit of tea that I brought her.
When I entered my own cell, my soul was engulfed by the great love of God,
and I understood that we should take great heed of our interior inspirations and
follow them faithfully, and that faithfulness to one grace draws down others.
757 November 19, [1936]. During Mass today, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said
to me, Be at peace, My daughter; I see your efforts, which are very pleasing to
Me. And the Lord disappeared, and it was time for Holy Communion. After I
received Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Cenacle and in it Jesus and the
Apostles. I saw the institution of the Most Blessed Sacrament. Jesus allowed me
to penetrate His interior, and I came to know the greatness of His majesty and,
at the same time, His great humbling of Himself. The extraordinary light that
allowed me to see His majesty revealed to me, at the same time, what was in my
own soul.
758 Jesus gave me to know the depth of His meekness and humility and to
understand that He clearly demanded the same of me. I felt the gaze of God in
my soul. This filled me with unspeakable love, but I understood that the Lord
was looking with love on my virtues and my heroic efforts, and I knew that this
was what was drawing God into my heart. It is from this that I have come to
understand that it is not enough for me to strive only for the ordinary virtues, but
that I must try to exercise the heroic virtues. Although exteriorly a thing may be
quite ordinary, it is the different manner [in which it is carried out] that only the
eye of God catches. O my Jesus, what I have written is just a pale shadow of
what I understand in my soul; these are purely spiritual things, but in order to
write something of what the Lord gives me to know, I must use words with
which I am totally dissatisfied, because they do not express the reality.
759 When I experienced these sufferings for the first time, it was like this: after
the annual vows, [146] on a certain day, during prayer, I saw a great brilliance
and, issuing from the brilliance, rays which completely enveloped me. Then
suddenly, I felt a terrible pain in my hands, my feet and my side and the thorns of
the crown of thorns. I experienced these sufferings during Holy Mass on Friday,
but this was only for a brief moment. This was repeated for several Fridays, and
later on I did not experience any sufferings up to the present time; that is, up to
the end of September of this year. In the course of the present illness, during
Holy Mass one Friday, I felt myself pierced by the same sufferings, and this has
been repeated on every Friday and sometimes when I meet a soul that is not in
the state of grace. Although this is infrequent, and the suffering lasts a very short
time, still it is terrible, and I would not be able to bear it without a special grace
from God. There is no outward indication of these sufferings. What will come
later, I do not know. All this, for the sake of souls...
760 November 21, [1936]. Jesus, You see that I am neither gravely ill nor in
good health. You fill my soul with enthusiasm for action, and I have no strength.
The fire of Your love burns in me, and for what I cannot accomplish by physical
strength, love will compensate.
761 Jesus, my spirit yearns for You, and I desire very much to be united with
You, but Your works hold me back. The number of souls that I am to bring to
You is not yet complete. I desire toil and suffering; let everything You have
planned before the ages be fulfilled in me, O my Creator and Lord! It is only
Your word that I understand; it alone gives me strength. Your Spirit, O Lord, is
the Spirit of Peace; and nothing troubles my depths because You dwell there, O
Lord. I know that I am under Your special gaze, O Lord. I do not examine with fear
Your plans regarding me; my task is to accept everything from Your hand. I do
not fear anything, although the storm is raging, and frightful bolts strike all around
me, and I then feel quite alone. Yet, my heart senses You, and my trust grows,
and I see all Your omnipotence which upholds me. With You, Jesus, I go
through life, amid storms and rainbows, with a cry of joy, singing the song of
Your mercy. I will not stop singing my song of love until the choir of Angels
picks it up. There is no power that can stop me in my flight toward God. I see
that even the superiors do not always understand the road along which God is
leading me, and I am not surprised at this.
762 Once, I saw Father Sopocko praying as he was reflecting on these matters.
Then I saw how a ring of light appeared suddenly above his head. Although
distance separates us, I often see him, especially as he works at his desk,
despite his fatigue.
763 November 22, [1936]. Today during confession, the Lord Jesus spoke to
me through the lips of a certain priest. This priest did not know my soul, and I
only accused myself of my sins; yet he spoke these words to me: "Accomplish
faithfully everything that Jesus asks of you, despite the difficulties. Know that,
although people may be angry with you, Jesus is not angry and never will be
angry with you. Pay no attention to human opinion." This instruction surprised
me at first; but I understood that the Lord was speaking through him without his
realizing it. O holy mystery, what great treasures are contained in you! O holy
faith, you are my guidepost!
764 November 24. Today, I received a letter from Father Sopocko. [147] I
learned from it that God himself is conducting this whole affair. And as the Lord
has begun it, so will He continue to carry it along. And the greater the difficulties
which I see, the more am I at peace. Oh, if in this whole matter the glory of God
and the profit to souls were not greatly served, Satan would not be opposing it
so much. But he senses what he is going to lose because of it. I have now
learned that Satan hates mercy more than anything else. It is his greatest
torment. Still, the word of God will not pass away; God's utterance is living;
difficulties will not suppress the works of God, but show that they are God's...
765 On one occasion, I saw the convent of the new congregation. [148] As I
walked about, inspecting everything, I suddenly saw a crowd of children who
seemed to be no older than five to eleven years of age. When they saw me they
surrounded me and began to cry out, "Defend us from evil," and they led me into
the chapel which was in this convent. When I entered the chapel, I saw the
distressful Lord Jesus. Jesus looked at me graciously and said that He was
gravely offended by children: You are to defend them from evil. From that
moment, I have been praying for children, but I feel that prayer alone is not enough.
766 O my Jesus, you know what efforts are needed to live sincerely and
unaffectedly with those from whom our nature flees, or with those who,
deliberately or not, have made us suffer. Humanly speaking, this is impossible.
At such times more than at others, I try to discover the Lord Jesus in such a
person and for this same Jesus, I do everything for such people. In such acts,
love is pure, and such practice of love gives the soul endurance and strength. I
do not expect anything from creatures, and therefore I am not disappointed. I
know that a creature is poor of itself, so what can one expect from it? God is
everything for me; I want to evaluate everything according to God's ways.
767 + My communion with the Lord is now purely spiritual. My soul is touched
by God and wholly absorbs itself in Him, even to the complete forgetfulness of
self. Permeated by God to its very depths, it drowns in His beauty; it completely
dissolves in Him-I am at a loss to describe this, because in writing I am making
use of the senses; but there, in that union, the senses are not active; there is a
merging of God and the soul; and the life of God to which the soul is admitted is
so great that the human tongue cannot express it. When the soul returns to its habitual form of life, it then sees that this life is all
darkness and mist and dreamlike confusion, an infant's swaddling clothes. In
such moments the soul only receives from God, for of itself it does nothing; it
does not make even the slightest effort; all in her is wrought by God. But when
the soul returns to its ordinary state, it sees that it is not within its power to
continue in this union. These moments are short, but their effects are lasting. The soul cannot remain
long in this state; or else it would be forcibly freed of the bonds of the body
forever. Even as it is, it is sustained by a miracle of God. God allows the soul to
know in a clear way how much He loves it, as though it were the only object of
His delight. The soul recognizes this clearly and without a veil, so to speak. It
reaches out for God with all its might, but it feels like a baby; it knows that this is
not within its power. Therefore, God descends to the soul and unites it to himself
in a way that... here, I must be silent, for I cannot describe what the soul
experiences.
768 It is a strange thing that although the soul which experiences this union with
God cannot find words and expressions to describe it, nevertheless, when it
meets a similar soul, the two understand each other extraordinarily well in regard
to these matters, even though they speak but little with each other. A soul united
with God in this way easily recognizes a similar soul, even if the latter has not
revealed its interior [life] to it, but merely speaks in an ordinary way. It is a kind
of spiritual kinship. Souls united with God in this way are few, fewer than we
think.
769 I have noticed that the Lord grants this grace to souls for two purposes.
The first is when the soul is to do some great work which is, humanly speaking,
absolutely beyond its power. In the second case, I have noticed that the Lord
grants it in order that kindred souls might be guided and set at peace, although
the Lord can grant this grace as He pleases and to whomever He pleases.
However, I have noticed this grace in three priests, one of whom is a secular
priest [probably Father Sopocko] and the other two, religious priests [probably
Father Elter and Father Andrasz], and also in two religious sisters [probably
Mother Michael and Sister Mary Joseph], but not in the same degree.
770 As for myself, I received this grace for the first time, and that for only a
brief moment, in the eighteenth [149] year of my life, within the octave of
Corpus Christi [June 18-25, 1925], during Vespers, when I made to the Lord
Jesus the vow of perpetual chastity. I was still living in the world, but I entered
the convent soon afterwards. The grace lasted for a very brief moment, but its
power was great. After this grace, there was a long interval. It is true that I
received many graces from the Lord during this interval, but they were of a
different order. It was a time of trials and purification. The trials were so painful
that my soul felt as though it was being totally abandoned by God and it was
steeped in profound darkness. I became aware and understood that no one
would be able to bring me out of those torments or even understand me. There were two occasions when my soul was plunged into despair, once for half
an hour, and the second time for three quarters of an hour. Just as I cannot
describe the greatness of the graces, so too with these ordeals sent by the Lord;
whatever words I might use, they are only a pale shadow [of the reality].
However, just as the Lord plunged me into these torments, so too He brought
me out of them. Only this lasted for a few years, after which I again received this
extraordinary grace of union which has continued to this day. Still, during this
second period of union, there also have been short interruptions. But for some
time now, I have not experienced any interruption at all; on the contrary, I am
more and more deeply steeped in God. The great light which illumines the mind
gives me a knowledge of the greatness of God; but it is not as if I were getting to
know the individual attributes, as before-no, it is different now: in one moment, I
come to know the entire essence of God.
771 In that same moment, the soul drowns entirely in Him and experiences a
happiness as great as that of the chosen ones in heaven. Although the chosen
ones in heaven see God face to face and are completely and absolutely happy,
still their knowledge of God is not the same. God has given me to understand
this. This deeper knowledge begins here on earth, depending on the grace
[given], but to a great extent it also depends on our faithfulness to that grace. However, the soul receiving this unprecedented grace of union with God cannot
say that it sees God face to face, because even here there is a very thin veil of
faith, but so very thin that the soul can say that it sees God and talks with Him. It
is "divinized." God allows the soul to know how much He loves it, and the soul
sees that better and holier souls than itself have not received this grace.
Therefore, it is filled with holy amazement, which maintains it in deep humility,
and it steeps itself in its own nothingness and holy astonishment; and the more it
humbles itself, the more closely God unites himself with it and descends to it. The soul, at this moment is, as it were, hidden; its senses are inactive; in one
moment, it knows God and drowns in Him. It knows the whole depth of the
Unfathomable One, and the deeper this knowledge, the more ardently the soul
desires Him.
772 Great is the mutual exchange between the soul and God. When the soul
leaves its concealment, the senses get a taste of what the soul has delighted in.
Although this also is a great grace from God, it is not a purely spiritual one, for in
the first moments the senses do not take part. Every grace gives the soul power
and strength to act, and courage to suffer. The soul knows very well what God
is asking of it, and it carries out His holy will despite adversities.
773 Yet, the soul cannot proceed on its own in these matters. It must follow the
advice of an enlightened confessor, for otherwise it could go astray or gain no
profit.
774 + O my Jesus, I understand well that, just as illness is measured with a
thermometer, and a high fever tells us of the seriousness of the illness, so also, in
the spiritual life, suffering is the thermometer which measures the love of God in
a soul.
775 + My goal is God... and my happiness is in accomplishing His will, and
nothing in the world can disturb this happiness for me: no power, no force of any
kind.
776 The Lord visited my cell today and said to me, My daughter, I will not
leave you in this community for much longer. I am telling you this so that you will
be more diligent in taking advantage of the graces which I grant you.
777 November 27, [1936]. Today I was in heaven, in spirit, and I saw its
inconceivable beauties and the happiness that awaits us after death. I saw how
all creatures give ceaseless praise and glory to God. I saw how great is
happiness in God, which spreads to all creatures, making them happy; and then
all the glory and praise which springs from this happiness returns to its source;
and they enter into the depths of God, contemplating the inner life of God, the
Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, whom they will never comprehend or
fathom. This source of happiness is unchanging in its essence, but it is always new,
gushing forth happiness for all creatures. Now I understand Saint Paul, who
said, "Eye has not seen, nor has ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of
man what God has prepared for those who love Him."
778 And God has given me to understand that there is but one thing that is of
infinite value in His eyes, and that is love of God; love, love and once again,
love; and nothing can compare with a single act of pure love of God. Oh, with
what inconceivable favors God gifts a soul that loves Him sincerely! Oh, how
happy is the soul who already here on earth enjoys His special favors! And of
such are the little and humble souls.
779 The sight of this great majesty of God, which I came to understand more
profoundly and which is worshiped by the heavenly spirits according to their
degree of grace and the hierarchies into which they are divided, did not cause
my soul to be stricken with terror or fear; no, no, not at all! My soul was filled
with peace and love, and the more I come to know the greatness of God, the
more joyful I become that He is as He is. And I rejoice immensely in His
greatness and am delighted that I am so little because, since I am little, He
carries me in His arms and holds me close to His Heart.
780 O my God, how I pity those people who do not believe in eternal life; how
I pray for them that a ray of mercy would envelop them too, and that God
would clasp them to His fatherly bosom.
781 O Love, O queen! Love knows no fear. It passes through all the choirs of
angels that stand on guard before His throne. It will fear no one. It reaches God
and is immersed in Him as in its sole treasure. The Cherubim who guards
paradise with flaming sword, has no power over it. O pure love of God, how
great and unequalled you are! Oh, if souls only knew your power!
782 + I am very weak today. I cannot even make my meditation in the chapel,
but must lie down. O my Jesus, I love You, and I want to worship You with my
very weakness, submitting myself entirely to Your holy will.
783 + I must be on my guard, especially today, because I am becoming
over-sensitive to everything. Things I would not pay any attention to when I am
healthy bother me today. O my Jesus, my shield and my strength, grant me Your
grace that I may emerge victorious from these combats. O my Jesus, transform
me into Yourself by the power of Your love, that I may be a worthy tool in
proclaiming Your mercy.
784 + I thank God for this illness and these physical discomforts, because I
have time to converse with the Lord Jesus. It is my delight to spend long hours
at the feet of the hidden God, and the hours pass like minutes as I lose track of
time. I feel that a fire is burning within me, and I understand no other life but that
of sacrifice, which flows from pure love.
785 November 29,[1936]. The Mother of God has taught me how to prepare
for the Feast of Christmas. I saw Her today, without the Infant Jesus. She said
to me: My daughter, strive after silence and humility, so that Jesus, who dwells in
your heart continuously, may be able to rest. Adore Him in your heart; do not
go out from your inmost being. My daughter, I shall obtain for you the grace of
an interior life which will be such that, without ever leaving that interior life, you
will be able to carry out all your external duties with even greater care. Dwell
with Him continuously in your own heart. He will be your strength.
Communicate with creatures only in so far as is necessary and is required by
your duties. You are a dwelling place pleasing to the living God, in you He
dwells continuously with love and delight. And the living presence of God, which
you experience in a more vivid and distinct way, will confirm you, my daughter,
in the things I have told you. Try to act in this way until Christmas Day, and then
He himself will make known to you in what way you will be communing and
uniting yourself with Him.
786 November 30, [1936]. During Vespers today, an unusual pain pierced my
soul. I see that, in every respect, this work is beyond my strength. I am a little
child before the immensity of the task, and it is only at the Lord's clear command
that I am setting about to carry it out. On the other hand, even these great
graces are a burden for me, and I am barely able to carry them. I see my
superiors' disbelief and doubts of all kinds and, for this reason, their
apprehensive behavior towards me. My Jesus, I see that even such great graces
can be [a source of] suffering. And yet, it is so; not only may they be a cause of
suffering, but they must be such, as a sign of God's action. I understand well that
if God himself did not strengthen the soul in these various ordeals, the soul
would not be able to master the situation. Thus God himself is its shield. As I continued Vespers, meditating on this mixture of suffering and grace, I
heard the voice of Our Lady: Know, My daughter, that although I was raised to
the dignity of Mother of God, seven swords of pain pierced My heart. Don't do
anything to defend yourself, bear everything with humility; God himself will
defend you. December 1, [1936]. One-day retreat.
787 Today, during the morning meditation, the Lord gave me to see and
understand clearly that His demands are unchangeable. I see clearly that no one
can release me from the duty of doing the known will of God. A great lack of
health and physical strength is not a sufficient reason and does not release me
from this work that the Lord himself is carrying out through me. I am to be just a
tool in His hands. And so, O Lord, here I am to carry out Your will. Command
me according to Your eternal plans and desires. Only give me the grace that I
may always be faithful to You.
788 As I was conversing with the hidden God, He gave me to see and
understand that I should not be reflecting so much and building up fear of the
difficulties which I might encounter. Know that I am with you; I bring about the
difficulties, and I overcome them; in one instant, I can change a hostile
disposition to one which is favorable to this cause. The Lord explained many
things to me in today's dialogue, although I am not putting everything in writing.
789 Always and in all circumstances, yield the first place to others; especially
during recreation listen quietly, without interrupting, even if someone tells me the
same thing ten times. I will never ask questions about something that interests me
very much.
790 Resolution: still the same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ. General resolution: interior calm, silence.
791 Hide me, Jesus, in the depths of Your mercy, and then let my neighbor
judge me as he pleases.
792 I must never speak of my own experiences. In suffering, I must seek relief
in prayer. In doubts, even the smallest, I must seek only the advice of my
confessor. I must always have a heart which is open to receive the sufferings of
others, and drown my own sufferings in the Divine Heart so that they would not
be noticed on the outside, in so far as possible. I must always strive for equanimity, no matter how stormy the circumstances
might be. I must not allow anything to disturb my interior calm and silence.
Nothing can compare with peace of soul. When I am wrongfully accused of
something, I will not explain myself; if the superior wants to know the truth,
whether I was in the right or not, let her find out from others rather than from
me. My concern is to accept everything with a humble inner disposition. I will spend this Advent in accordance with the directions of the Mother of God:
in meekness and humility. 793 I am reliving these moments with Our Lady. With great longing, I am
waiting for the Lord's coming. Great are my desires. I desire that all humankind
come to know the Lord. I would like to prepare all nations for the coming of the
Word Incarnate. O Jesus, make the fount of Your mercy gush forth more
abundantly, for humankind is seriously ill and thus has more need than ever of
Your compassion. You are a bottomless sea of mercy for us sinners; and the
greater the misery, the more right we have to Your mercy. You are a fount
which makes all creatures happy by Your infinite mercy.
794 Today [December 9, 1936], I am leaving for Pradnik, just outside Cracow,
to undergo treatment. I am to stay there for three months. I am being sent there
through the great solicitude of my superiors, especially that of our dear Mother
General [Michael], who is so solicitous for the sisters who are ill.
795 I have accepted the favor of this treatment, but I am fully resigned to the
will of God. Let God do with me as He pleases. I desire nothing but the
fulfillment of His holy will. I am uniting myself with the Mother of God, and I am
leaving Nazareth and going to Bethlehem. I will spend Christmas there among
strangers, but with Jesus, Mary and Joseph, because such is the will of God. I
am striving to do the will of God in all things. I do not desire a return to health
more than death. I entrust myself completely to His infinite mercy and, as a little
child, I am living in the greatest peace. I am trying only to make my love for Him
deeper and purer, to be a delight to His divine glance...
796 The Lord told me to say this chaplet for nine days before the Feast of
Mercy. It is to begin on Good Friday. By this novena, I will grant every possible
grace to souls.
797 When I was somewhat overcome by the fear that I was to be outside the
community for so long a time alone, Jesus said to me, You will not be alone,
because I am with you always and everywhere. Near to My Heart, fear nothing.
I myself am the cause of your departure. Know that My eyes follow every move
of your heart with great attention. I am bringing you into seclusion so that I
myself may form your heart according to My future plans. What are you afraid
of? If you are with Me, who will dare touch you? Nevertheless, I am very
pleased that you confide your fears to Me, My daughter: Speak to Me about
everything in a completely simple and human way; by this you will give Me great
joy. I understand you because I am God-Man. This simple language of your
heart is more pleasing to Me than the hymns composed in My honor. Know,
My daughter, that the simpler your speech is, the more you attract Me to
yourself. And now, be at peace close to My Heart. Lay your pen aside and get
ready to leave.
798 December 9, 1936. This morning, I left for Pradnik. Sister Chrysostom
drove me here. I have a private room to myself; I am very much like a
Carmelite. When Sister Chrysostom had left and I was alone, I steeped myself
in prayer, entrusting myself to the special protection of the Mother of God. She
alone is always with me. She, like a good Mother, watches over all my trials and
efforts.
799 Suddenly, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, Be at peace, My child.
See, you are not alone. My Heart watches over you. Jesus filled me with
strength concerning a certain person. I feel strength within my soul. A moral principle.
800 If one does not know what is better, one must reflect, consider and seek
advice, because one must not act with an uncertain conscience. When uncertain,
say to . yourself: "Whatever I do will be good. I have the intention of doing
good." The Lord God accepts what we consider good, and the Lord God also
accepts and considers it as good. One should not worry if, after some time, one
sees that these things are not good. God looks at the intention with which we
begin, and will reward us accordingly. This is a principle which we ought to follow. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
801 Today, I still managed to pay a short visit to the Lord [in the Eucharist]
before going to bed. My spirit was immersed in Him as in its only treasure. My
heart rested a while near the Heart of my Spouse. I received light as to how I
should behave toward those around me, and then I returned to my solitude. The
doctor is taking good care of me; all those around me are very kind to me.
802 December 10, [1936]. I got up earlier today and made my meditation
before Holy Mass. Holy Mass is at six o'clock here. After Holy Communion my
spirit was drowned in the Lord as in the sole object of its love. I felt absorbed
by His omnipotence. When I came back to my private room, I felt sick and had
to lie down at once. The sister [150] brought me some medication, but I felt bad
all day. In the evening, I tried to make a Holy Hour, but I could not do so; all I
could do was unite myself with the suffering Jesus.
803 My room is next to the men's ward. I didn't know that men were such
chatterboxes. From morning till late at night, there is talk about various subjects.
The women's ward is much quieter. It is women who are always blamed for this;
but I have had occasion to be convinced that the opposite is true. It is very
difficult for me to concentrate on my prayer in the midst of these jokes and this
laughter. They do not disturb me when the grace of God takes complete
possession of me, because then I do not know what is going on around me.
804 My Jesus, how little these people talk about You. They talk about
everything but You, Jesus. And if they talk so little [about You], it is quite
probable that they do not think about You at all. The whole world interests
them; but about You, their Creator, there is silence. Jesus, I am sad to see this
great indifference and ingratitude of creatures. O my Jesus, I want to love You
for them and to make atonement to You, by my love. Immaculate Conception of the Mother of God.
805 From early morning, I felt the nearness of the Blessed Mother. During Holy
Mass, I saw Her, so lovely and so beautiful that I have no words to express
even a small part of this beauty. She was all [in] white, with a blue sash around
Her waist. Her cloak was also blue, and there was a crown on Her head.
Marvelous light streamed forth from Her whole figure. I am the Queen of heaven
and earth, but especially the Mother of your [Congregation]. She pressed me to
Her heart and said, I feel constant compassion for you. I felt the force of Her
Immaculate Heart which was communicated to my soul. Now I understand why
I have been preparing for this feast for two months and have been looking
forward to it with such yearning. From today onwards, I am going to strive for
the greatest purity of soul, that the rays of God's grace may be reflected in all
their brilliance. I long to be a crystal in order to find favor in His eyes.
806 + That same day, I saw a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko or
Father Andrasz] who was surrounded by the light which flowed from Her;
evidently, this soul loves the Immaculate One.
807 An extraordinary yearning fills my soul. I am surprised that it does not
separate the soul from the body. I desire God; I want to become immersed in
Him. I understand that I am in a terrible exile; my soul aspires for God with all its
might. O you inhabitants of my fatherland, be mindful of this exile! When will the
veils be lifted for me as well? Although I see and feel to a certain extent how
very thin is the veil separating me from the Lord, I long to see Him face to face;
but let everything be done according to Your will.
808 December 11. I could not assist at the whole Mass today; I assisted at only
the most important parts, and after receiving Holy Communion I immediately
returned to my solitude. The presence of God suddenly enveloped me, and at
the same moment I felt the Passion of the Lord, for a very short while. During
that moment, I attained a more profound knowledge of the work of mercy.
809 During the night, I was suddenly awakened and knew that some soul was
asking me for prayer, and that it was in much need of prayer. Briefly, but with all
my soul, I asked the Lord for grace for her.
810 The following afternoon, when I entered the ward, I saw someone dying,
and learned that the agony had started during the night. When I verified it-it had
been at the time when I had been asked for prayer. And just then, I heard a
voice in my soul: Say the chaplet which I taught you. I ran to fetch my rosary
and knelt down by the dying person and, with all the ardor of my soul, I began
to say the chaplet. Suddenly the dying person opened her eyes and looked at
me; I had not managed to finish the entire chaplet when she died, with
extraordinary peace. I fervently asked the Lord to fulfill the promise He had
given me for the recitation of the chaplet. The Lord gave me to know that the
soul had been granted the grace He had promised me. That was the first soul to
receive the benefit of the Lord's promise. I could feel the power of mercy
envelop that soul.
811 When I entered my solitude, I heard these words: At the hour of their
death, I defend as My own glory every soul that will say this chaplet; or when
others say it for a dying person, the indulgence is the same. When this chaplet is
said by the bedside of a dying person, God's anger is placated, unfathomable
mercy envelops the soul, and the very depths of My tender mercy are moved
for the sake of the sorrowful Passion of My Son. Oh, if only everyone realized how great the Lord's mercy is and how much we
all need that mercy, especially at that crucial hour!
812 + Today I have fought a battle with the spirits of darkness over one soul.
How terribly Satan hates God's mercy! I see how he opposes this whole work.
813 + O merciful Jesus, stretched on the cross, be mindful of the hour of our
death. O most merciful Heart of Jesus, opened with a lance, shelter me at the
last moment of my life. O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart
of Jesus as a fount of unfathomable mercy for me at the hour of my death, O
dying Jesus, Hostage of mercy, avert the Divine wrath at the hour of my death.
814 + December 12, [1936]. Today, I only received Holy Communion and
stayed for a few moments of the Mass. All my strength is in You, O Living
Bread. It would be difficult for me to live through the day if I did not receive
Holy Communion. It is my shield; without You, Jesus, I know not how to live.
815 Jesus, my Love, today gave me to understand how much He loves me,
although there is such an enormous gap between us, the Creator and the
creature; and yet, in a way, there is something like equality: love fills up the gap.
He himself descends to me and makes me capable of communing with Him. I
immerse myself in Him, losing myself as it were; and yet, under His loving gaze,
my soul gains strength and power and an awareness that it loves and is
especially loved. It knows that the Mighty One protects it. Such prayer, though
short, benefits the soul greatly, and whole hours of ordinary prayer do not give
the soul that light which is given by a brief moment of this higher form of prayer.
816 + This afternoon, I had my first open-air rest [on the sunny veranda at the
sanatorium]. Sister Felicia [151] visited me today and brought a few necessary
things and some lovely apples and words of greeting from our beloved Mother
Superior and dear sisters. December 13, [1936]. Confession before Jesus.
817 When I reflected that I had not been to confession for more than three
weeks, I wept seeing the sinfulness of my soul and certain difficulties. I had not
gone to confession because the circumstances made it impossible. On the day of
confessions, I had been confined to bed. The following week, confessions were
in the afternoon, and I had left for the hospital that morning. This afternoon,
Father Andrasz came into my room and sat down to hear my confession.
Beforehand, we did not exchange a single word. I was delighted because I was
extremely anxious to go to confession. As usual, I unveiled my whole soul.
Father gave a reply to each little detail. I felt unusually happy to be able to say
everything as I did. For penance, he gave me the Litany of the Holy Name of
Jesus. When I wanted to tell him of the difficulty I have in saying this litany, he
rose and began to give me absolution. Suddenly his figure became diffused with
a great light, and I saw that it was not Father A., but Jesus. His garments were
bright as snow, and He disappeared immediately. At first, I was a little uneasy,
but after a while a kind of peace entered my soul; and I took note of the fact
that Jesus heard the confession in the same way that confessors do; and yet
something was wondrously transpiring in my heart during this confession; I
couldn't at first understand what it signified.
818 December 16, [1936]. I have offered this day for Russia. I have offered all
my sufferings and prayers for that poor country. After Holy Communion, Jesus
said to me, I cannot suffer that country any longer. Do not tie my hands, My
daughter. I understood that if it had not been for the prayers of souls that are
pleasing to God, that whole nation would have already been reduced to
nothingness. Oh, how I suffer for that nation which has banished God from its
borders!
819 + O inexhaustible spring of Divine Mercy, pour yourself out upon us! Your
Goodness knows no limits. Confirm, O Lord, the power of Your mercy over
the abyss of my misery, for You have no limit to Your mercies. Wonderful and
matchless is Your mercy, astonishing the human and angelic mind.
820 My Guardian Angel told me to pray for a certain soul, and in the morning I
learned that it was a man whose agony had begun that very moment. The Lord
Jesus makes it known to me in a special way when someone is in need of my
prayer. I especially know when my prayer is needed by a dying soul. This
happens more often now than it did in the past.
821 The Lord Jesus gave me to know how very pleasing to Him is a soul who
lives in accordance with the will of God. It thereby gives very great glory to
God...
822 I have come to understand today that even if I did not accomplish any of
the things the Lord is demanding of me, I know that I shall be rewarded as if I
had fulfilled everything, because He sees the intention with which I begin, and
even if He called me to himself today, the work would not suffer at all by that,
because He himself is the Lord of both the work and the worker. My part is to
love Him to folly; all works are nothing more than a tiny drop before Him. It is
love that has meaning and power and merit. He has opened up great horizons in
my soul-love compensates for the chasms.
823 December 17, [1936]. I have offered this day for priests. I have suffered
more today than ever before, both interiorly and exteriorly. I did not know it
was possible to suffer so much in one day. I tried to make a Holy Hour, in the
course of which my spirit had a taste of the bitterness of the Garden of
Gethsemane. I am fighting alone, supported by His arm, against all the difficulties
that face me like unassailable walls. But I trust in the power of His name and I
fear nothing.
824 In this seclusion, Jesus himself is my Master. He himself educates and
instructs me. I feel that I am the object of His special action. For His inscrutable
purposes and unfathomable decrees, He unites me to Himself in a special way
and allows me to penetrate His incomprehensible mysteries. There is one
mystery which unites me with the Lord, of which no one-not even angels-may
know. And even if I wanted to tell of it, I would not know how to express it.
And yet, I live by it and will live by it for ever. This mystery distinguishes me
from every other soul here on earth or in eternity.
825 + O bright and clear day on which all my dreams will be fulfilled; O day so
eagerly desired, the last day of my life! I look forward with joy to the last stroke
the Divine Artist will trace on my soul, which will give my soul a unique beauty
that will distinguish me from the beauty of other souls. O great day, on which
divine love will be confirmed in me. On that day, for the first time, I shall sing
before heaven and earth the song of the Lord's fathomless mercy. This is my
work and the mission which the Lord has destined for me from the beginning of
the world. That the song of my soul may be pleasing to the Holy Trinity, do
You, O Spirit of God, direct and form my soul yourself. I arm myself with
patience and await Your coming, O merciful God, and as to the terrible pains
and fear of death, at this moment more than at any other time, I trust in the abyss
of Your mercy and am reminding You, O merciful Jesus, sweet Savior, of all the
promises You have made to me.
826 This morning I had an adventure. My watch had stopped, and I did not
know when to get up, and I thought of what a misfortune it would be to miss
Holy Communion. It was still dark, so I had no way of knowing whether it was
time to get up. I dressed, made my meditation and went to the chapel, but
everything was still locked, and silence reigned everywhere. I steeped myself in
prayer, especially for the sick. I now see how much the sick have need of
prayer. Finally, the chapel was opened. I found it difficult to pray because I was
already feeling very exhausted, and immediately after Holy Communion I
returned to my room. Then I saw the Lord, who said to me, Know, My
daughter, that the ardor of your heart is pleasing to Me. And just as you desire
ardently to become united with Me in Holy Communion, so too do I desire to
give Myself wholly to you; and as a reward for your zeal, rest on My Heart. At
that moment, my spirit was immersed in His Being, like a drop in a bottomless
ocean. I drowned myself in Him as in my sole treasure. Thus I came to
recognize that the Lord allows certain difficulties for His greater glory.
827 December 18, [1936]. Today I felt bad that a week had gone by and no
one had come to visit me. [152] When I complained to the Lord, He answered,
Isn't it enough for you that I visit you every day? I apologized to the Lord and
the hurt vanished. O God, my strength, You are sufficient for me.
828 This evening, I learned that a certain soul was in need of my prayer. I
prayed fervently, but felt that this was still not enough, so I continued to pray for
a longer time. On the following day, I learned that the agony of a certain soul
had started at just that time and had continued until morning. I recognized what
struggles it had gone through. In a strange way, the Lord Jesus makes known to
me that a dying soul has need of my prayer. I feel vividly and clearly that spirit
who is asking me for prayer. I was not aware that souls are so closely united,
and often it is my Guardian Angel who tells me.
829 During Holy Mass, the little Infant Jesus brings joy to my soul. Often,
distance does not exist - I see a certain priest who brings Him down. I am
awaiting Christmas with great yearning; I am living in expectation together with
the Most Holy Mother.
830 O Light Eternal, who come to this earth, enlighten my mind and strengthen
my will that I may not give up in times of great affliction. May Your light
dissipate all the shadows of doubt. May Your omnipotence act through me. I
trust in You, O uncreated Light! You, O Infant Jesus, are a model for me in
accomplishing Your Father's will, You, who said, "Behold, I come to do Your
will." Grant that I also may do God's will faithfully in all things. O Divine Infant,
grant me this grace!
831 O my Jesus, my soul was yearning for the days of trial, but do not leave me
alone in the darkness of my soul. Rather, do You hold me firmly, close to
Yourself. Set a guard over my lips, so that the fragrance of my sufferings may be
known and pleasing to You alone.
832 O merciful Jesus, how longingly You hurried to the Upper Room to
consecrate the Host that I am to receive in my life. Jesus, You desired to dwell
in my heart. Your living Blood unites with mine. Who can understand this close
union? My heart encloses within itself the Almighty, the Infinite One. 0 Jesus,
continue to grant me Your divine life. Let Your pure and noble Blood throb with
all its might in my heart. I give You my whole being. Transform me into Yourself
and make me capable of doing Your holy will in all things and of returning Your
love. O my sweet Spouse, You know that my heart knows no one but You.
You have opened up in my heart an insatiable depth of love for You. From the
very first moment it knew You, my heart has loved You and has lost itself in
You as its one and only object. May Your pure and omnipotent love be the
driving force of all my actions. Who will ever conceive and understand the depth
of mercy that has gushed forth from Your Heart?
833 I have experienced how much envy there is, even in religious life. I see that
there are few truly great souls, ready to trample on everything that is not God. O
soul, you will find no beauty outside of God. Oh, how fragile is the foundation of
those who elevate themselves at the expense of others! What a loss!
834 December 19,[1936]. This evening, I felt in my soul , that a certain person
had need of my prayer. Immediately, I began to pray. Suddenly, I realize
interiorly and am aware of who the spirit is who is asking this of me; I pray until
I feel at peace. There is great help for the dying in this chaplet. I often pray for
an intention that I have learned of interiorly. I always pray until I experience in
my soul that the prayer has had its effect.
835 Especially now, while I am in this hospital, I experience an inner communion
with the dying who ask me for prayer when their agony begins. God has given
me a wondrous contact with the dying! Since this has been happening more
frequently, I have been able to verify it, even to the exact hour. Today I was awakened suddenly at eleven o'clock at night and clearly felt the
presence near me of some spirit who was asking me for prayer. Some force
simply compelled me to pray. My vision is purely spiritual, by means of a
sudden light that God grants me at that moment. I keep on praying until I feel
peace in my soul, and not always for an equally long time; because sometimes it
happens that with one "Hail Mary" I am already at peace, and then I say the De
Profundis and pray no longer. And sometimes it happens that I pray the entire
chaplet and only then feel at peace. I have also discovered that if I feel
constrained to pray for a longer time; that is to say, I experience interior unrest,
the soul is undergoing a greater struggle and is going through a longer final
agony. This is how I have verified the exact time: I have a watch, and I look to see what
time it is. On the following day, when they tell me about that person's death, I
ask them about the time, and it exactly corresponds, as does the length of the
person's last agony. They say to me, "Such and such a person died today, but
she passed away quickly and peacefully." It sometimes happens that the dying
person is in the second or third building away, yet for the spirit, space does not
exist. It sometimes happens that I know about a death occurring several
hundred kilometers away. This has happened several times with regard to my
family and relatives and also sisters in religion, and even souls whom I have not
known during their lifetime. O God of fathomless mercy, who allow me to give relief and help to the dying
by my unworthy prayer, be blessed as many thousand times as there are stars in
the sky and drops of water in all the oceans! Let Your mercy resound
throughout the orb of the earth, and let it rise to the foot of Your throne, giving
praise to the greatest of Your attributes; that is, Your incomprehensible mercy.
O God, this unfathomable mercy enthralls anew all the holy souls and all the
spirits of heaven. These pure spirits are immersed in holy amazement as they
glorify this inconceivable mercy of God, which in turn arouses even greater
admiration in them, and their praise is carried out in a perfect manner. O eternal
God, how ardently I desire to glorify this greatest of Your attributes; namely,
Your unfathomable mercy. I see all my littleness, and cannot compare myself to
the heavenly beings who praise the Lord's mercy with holy admiration. But I,
too, have found a way to give perfect glory to the incomprehensible mercy of
God.
836 O most sweet Jesus, who have deigned to allow miserable me to gain a
knowledge of Your unfathomable mercy; O most sweet Jesus, who have
graciously demanded that I tell the whole world of Your incomprehensible
mercy, this day I take into my hands the two rays that spring from Your merciful
Heart; that is, the Blood and the Water; and I scatter them all over the globe so
that each soul may receive Your mercy and, having received it, may glorify it for
endless ages. O most sweet Jesus who, in Your incomprehensible kindness,
have deigned to unite my wretched heart to Your most merciful Heart, it is with
Your own Heart that I glorify God, our Father, as no soul has ever glorified Him
before.
837 December 21, [1936]. The radio is always playing in the afternoon, so I
feel the loss of silence. All morning long, there is ceaseless talk and noise. My
God, I was looking forward to being in silence, happy that I should be talking
only with the Lord, and here it is just the opposite. Yet, nothing disturbs me
now, neither the talking nor the radio. In a word-nothing. By the grace of God,
when I am praying I do not even know where I am; I know only that my soul is
united with the Lord. And thus I pass my days in this hospital.
838 + I marvel at how many humiliations and sufferings that priest accepts in this
whole matter. [153] I see this at particular times, and I support him with my
unworthy prayers. Only God can give one such courage; otherwise one would
give up. But I see with joy that all these adversities contribute to God's greater
glory. The Lord has few such souls. O infinite eternity, you will make manifest
the efforts of heroic souls, because the earth rewards their efforts with hatred
and ingratitude. Such souls do not have friends; they are solitary. And in this
solitude, they gain strength; they draw their strength from God alone. With
humility, but also with courage, they stand firmly in the face of all the storms that
beat upon them. Like high-towering oaks, they are unmoved. And in this there is
just this one secret: that it's from God that they draw this strength, and
everything whatsoever they have need of, they have for themselves and for
others. They not only carry their own burden, but also know how to take on,
and are capable of taking on, the burdens of others. They are pillars of light
along God's ways; they live in light themselves and shed light upon others. They
themselves live on the heights, and know how to show the way to lesser ones
and help them attain those heights.
839 + My Jesus, You see that I do not know how to write well and, on top of
that, I don't even have a good pen. And often it scratches so badly that I must
put sentences together, letter by letter. And that is not all. I also have the
difficulty of keeping secret from the sisters the things I write down, and so I
often have to shut my notebook every few minutes and listen patiently to
someone's story, and then the time set aside for writing is gone. And when I shut
the notebook suddenly, the ink smears. I write with the permission of my
superiors and at the command of my confessor. It is a strange thing: sometimes
the writing goes quite well, but at other times, I can hardly read it myself.
840 December 23, [1936]. I am spending this time with the Mother of God and
preparing myself for the solemn moment of the coming of the Lord Jesus. The
Mother of God is instructing me in the interior life of the soul with Jesus,
especially in Holy Communion. It is only in eternity that we shall know the great
mystery effected in us by Holy Communion. O most precious moments of my
life!
841 O my Creator, I long for You! You understand me, O Lord of mine! All
that is on earth seems to me like a pale shadow. It is You I long for and desire.
Although You do so inconceivably much for me, for You yourself visit me in a
special way, yet those visits do not soothe the wound of the heart, but make me
long all the more for You, O Lord. Oh, take me to Yourself, Lord, if such is
Your will! You know that I am dying, and I am dying of longing for You; and
yet, I cannot die. Death, where are you? You draw me into the abyss of Your
divinity, and You veil yourself with darkness. My whole being is immersed in
You, yet I desire to see You face to face. When will this come about for me?
842 Sister Chrysostom [154] came to visit me today. She brought some lemons
and apples and a tiny Christmas tree. I was delighted with them. Through Sister
Chrysostom, Mother Superior asked the doctor [Adam Silberg] to let me come
home for Christmas, and he readily agreed. I was very happy and burst into
tears like a little child. Sister Chrysostom was surprised that I looked so bad
and had changed so much, and she told me, "You know, Little Faustina,
probably you will die. You must be suffering a great deal, Sister." I answered
that I was suffering more that day than on other days, but that it was nothing and
that, for the salvation of souls, it was not too much. O merciful Jesus, give me
the souls of sinners!
843 December 24, [1936]. During Holy Mass today, I was united in a
particular way with God and His Immaculate Mother. The humility and love of
the Immaculate Virgin penetrated my soul. The more I imitate the Mother of
God, the more deeply I get to know God. Oh, what infinite longing envelops my
soul! Jesus, how can You still leave me in this exile? I am dying of longing for
You. Every touch of my soul by You wounds me immensely. Love and suffering
go together; yet I would not exchange this pain caused by You for any treasure,
because it is the pain of incomprehensible delights, and these wounds of the soul
are inflicted by a loving hand.
844 Sister C. [155] came in the afternoon and took me home for the holydays. I
was happy to be reunited with the community. As we were riding through the
city [Cracow], I imagined it was the town of Bethlehem. As I watched all those
people hurrying about, I thought: who is meditating today, in recollection and
silence, on this inconceivable mystery? O pure Virgin, You are traveling today,
and so am I. I feel that today's journey has its symbolism. O radiant Virgin, pure
as crystal, all immersed in God, I offer You my spiritual life; arrange everything
that it may be pleasing to Your Son. O my Mother, how ardently I desire that
You give me the Infant Jesus during the Midnight Mass. And I felt such a living
presence of God in the depths of my soul, that it was only by sheer will-power
that I restrained my joy in order not to show outwardly what was going on in my
soul.
845 Before the vigil supper, I entered the chapel for a moment to break the
wafer spiritually with those dear to my heart. I presented them all, by name, to
Jesus and begged for graces on their behalf. But that wasn't all. I commended to
the Lord all those who are being persecuted, those who are suffering, those who
do not know His Name, and especially poor sinners. O little Jesus, I fervently
ask You, enclose them all in the ocean of Your incomprehensible mercy. O
sweet little Jesus, here is my heart; let it be a little cozy dwelling place for
Yourself. O Infinite Majesty, with what sweetness You drew close to us. Here,
there is no dread of the thunderbolts of the great Jehovah; here, there is the
sweet little Jesus. Here, no soul is afraid, although Your majesty has not
lessened, but only concealed itself. After supper, I felt very tired and was in
pain. I had to lie down. But I kept vigil with the Most Holy Mother, awaiting the
arrival of the little Child.
846 December 25, [1936]. Midnight Mass. During Mass, God's presence
pierced me through and through. A moment before the Elevation I saw the
Mother of God and the Infant Jesus and the good Old Man [St. Joseph]. The
Most Holy Mother spoke these words to me: My daughter, Faustina, take this
most precious Treasure, and she gave me the Infant Jesus. When I took Jesus in
my arms, my soul felt such unspeakable joy that I am unable to describe it. But,
strange thing, after a short while Jesus became awful, horrible-looking, grown up
and suffering; and then the vision vanished, and soon it was time to go to Holy
Communion. When I received the Lord Jesus in Holy Communion, my soul
trembled under the influence of God's presence. The next day, I saw the Divine
Infant for a brief moment during the Elevation.
847 On the second day of the Feast, Father Andrasz came to celebrate Mass
for us, and during Mass I again saw the little Jesus. In the afternoon, I went to
confession. Father did not give an answer to some of my questions that
concerned this work. He said, "When you recover, we shall talk about it in
concrete terms; and now, try to recover completely. As for the rest, you know
what guidance to follow and what direction to take in these matters." As
penance, Father told me to say the chaplet that Jesus had taught me.
848 While I was saying the chaplet, I heard a voice which said, Oh, what great
graces I will grant to souls who say this chaplet; the very depths of My tender
mercy are stirred for the sake of those who say the chaplet. Write down these
words, My daughter. Speak to the world about My mercy; let all mankind
recognize My unfathomable mercy. It is a sign for the end times; after it will
come the day of justice. While there is still time, let them have recourse to the
fount of My mercy; let them profit from the Blood and Water which gushed
forth for them. O human souls, where are you going to hide on the day of God's anger? Take
refuge now in the fount of God's mercy. O what a great multitude of souls I see!
They worshiped the Divine Mercy and will be singing the hymn of praise for all
eternity.
849 December 27. Today, I returned to my place of solitude [her private room
at the sanatorium]. I had a pleasant trip as I travelled with a certain person[156]
who was taking her baby to be baptized. We gave her a lift as far as the Church
in Podgorze. [157] In order to get out, she put the baby in my arms. When I
took it, I offered it, with an ardent prayer, to God so that some day it might give
Him special glory. I felt in my soul that the Lord was looking in a special way on
that little soul. When we arrived on Pradnik, Sister N. [158] helped me to carry
my bundle. When we entered my room, we saw a beautiful paper angel with the
inscription, "Gloria in...... I think it is from the sick sister to whom I sent the
Christmas tree. [159]
850 And so, the holydays are over. Nothing can still the yearning of my soul. I
long for You, O my Creator and eternal God! Neither celebrations nor beautiful
hymns soothe my soul; rather, they make me yearn all the more. At the very
mention of Your Name, my spirit springs toward You, O Lord. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
851 December 28, [1936]. Today I have started a novena to The Divine
Mercy. That is, I place myself in spirit before the image and recite the chaplet
which the Lord has taught me. On the second day of the novena, I saw the
image, as it were, come alive, adorned with numberless votive lamps, and I saw
great crowds of people coming there, and many of them were filled with
happiness. O Jesus, with what great joy did my heart beat! I am making the
novena for the intention of two people; namely, the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski]
and Father Sopocko. I am earnestly asking the Lord to inspire the Archbishop
to approve the chaplet, which is so pleasing to God, and also the image, and
that he may not put off or delay this work....
852 Today the Lord's gaze shot through me suddenly, like lightning. At once, I
came to know the tiniest specks in my soul, and knowing the depths of my
misery, I fell to my knees and begged the Lord's pardon, and with great trust I
immersed myself in His infinite mercy. Such knowledge does not depress me nor
keep me away from the Lord, but rather it arouses in my soul greater love and
boundless trust. The repentance of my heart is linked to love. These
extraordinary flashes from the Lord educate my soul. O sweet rays of God,
enlighten me to the most secret depth, for I want to arrive at the greatest
possible purity of heart and soul.
853 In the evening, a great longing took possession of my soul. I took the
pamphlet with the Image of the Merciful Jesus on it and pressed it to my heart,
and the following words burst forth from my soul: "Jesus, Eternal Love, I live for
You, I die for You, and I want to become united with You." Suddenly I saw the
Lord in His inexpressible beauty. He looked at me graciously and said, My
daughter, I too came down from heaven out of love for you; I lived for you, I
died for you, and I created the heavens for you. And Jesus pressed me to His
Heart and said to me, Very soon now; be at peace, My daughter.When I was
alone, my soul was set afire with the desire to suffer until the moment when the
Lord would say, "Enough." And even if I were to live for thousands of years, I
see in the light of God that that is but one moment. Souls ...[unfinished thought].
854 December 29, [1936]. Today after Holy Communion, I heard a voice in
my soul: My daughter, stand ready, for I will come unexpectedly. Jesus, You do
not want to tell me the hour I am looking forward to with such longing? My
daughter, it is for your own good. You will learn it, but not now; keep watch. O
Jesus, do with me as You please. I know You are the merciful Savior and You
will not change towards me at the hour of my death. If at this time you are
showing me so much special love, and are condescending to unite Yourself with
me is such an intimate way and with such great kindness, I expect even more at
the hour of my death. You, my Lord-God, cannot change. You are always the
same. Heaven can change, as well as everything that is created; but You, Lord,
are ever the same and will endure forever. So come as You like and when You
like. Father of infinite mercy, I, Your child, wait longingly for Your coming. O
Jesus, You said in the Holy Gospel, "Out of your mouth do I judge you." Well,
Jesus, I am always speaking of Your inconceivable mercy, so I trust that You
will judge me according to Your unfathomable mercy.
855 December 30, 1936. The year is coming to an end. I took today as the day
of the monthly retreat. My spirit engrossed itself in the benefits that God has
lavished on me throughout this whole year. My soul trembled at the sight of this
immensity of God's graces. From my soul there burst forth a hymn of
thanksgiving to the Lord. For a whole hour, I remained steeped in adoration and
thanksgiving, contemplating, one by one, the benefits I had received from God
and also my own minor shortcomings. All that this year contained has gone into
the abyss of eternity. Nothing is lost. I am glad that nothing gets lost. December 30, [1936]. One-day retreat.
856 During the morning meditation, I felt an aversion and a repugnance for all
created things. Everything pales before my eyes; my spirit is detached from all
things. I desire only God himself, and yet I must live. This is a martyrdom
beyond description. God imparts himself to the soul in a loving way and draws it
into the infinite depths of His divinity, but at the same time He leaves it here on
earth for the sole purpose that it might suffer and die of longing for Him. And this
strong love is so pure that God himself finds pleasure in it; and self-love has no
access to its deeds, for here everything is totally saturated with bitterness, and
thus is totally pure. Life is a continuous dying, painful and terrible, and at the
same time it is the depth of true life and of inconceivable happiness and the
strength of the soul; and because of this, [the soul] is capable of great deeds for
the sake of God.
857 + In the evening, I prayed for a few hours, first for my parents and relatives,
for Mother General and for the whole Congregation, for our students, and for
three priests [probably Archbishop Jalbrzykowski, Father Sopocko, and Father
Andrasz] to whom I owe very much. I ran the length and breadth of the whole
world and thanked the unfathomable mercy of God for all the graces granted to
people, and I begged pardon for everything by which they have offended Him.
858 During Vespers, I saw the Lord Jesus, who looked sweetly and profoundly
into my soul. My daughter, have patience; it won't be long now. That profound
look and those words filled my soul with strength and power, courage and
extraordinary trust that I would carry out everything He was demanding of me,
despite such tremendous difficulties, and [filled me with] a special conviction that
the Lord is with me and that with Him I can do all things. All the powers on
earth and in hell are as nothing to me. Everything must fall before the power of
His Name. I entrust everything into Your hands, O my Lord and God. Sole
Commander of my soul, direct me according to Your eternal desires. +
859 J.M.J. Cracow, Pradnik, January 1, 1937. Jesus, I trust in You. + Today, at midnight, I bid good-bye to the old year 1936, and welcomed the
year 1937. It was with fear and trembling that, in this first hour of the year, I
faced this new period of time. Merciful Jesus, with You I go boldly and
courageously into conflicts and battles. In Your Name, I will accomplish
everything and overcome everything. My God, Infinite Goodness, I beg of You,
let Your infinite mercy accompany me always and in all things. As I enter this year, fear of life overwhelms me, but Jesus brings me out of this
fear and lets me know what great glory this work of mercy will bring Him.
860 There are times in life when the soul finds comfort only in profound prayer.
Would that souls knew how to persevere in prayer at such times. This is very
important. + J.M.J. Jesus, I trust in You. + Resolutions for the year 1937, day 1, month 1.
861 Particular examen: remains the same; namely, to unite myself with the
Merciful Christ (that is; what would Christ do in such and such a case?) and, in
spirit, to embrace the whole world, especially Russia and Spain. General resolutions.
I. Strict observance of silence - interior silence.
II. To see the image of God in every sister; all love of neighbor must flow from this motive.
III. To do the will of God faithfully at every moment of my life and to live by this.
IV. To give a faithful account of everything to the spiritual director and not to undertake anything of importance without a clear understanding with him. I shall try to clearly lay bare to him the most secret depths of my soul, bearing in mind that I am dealing with God himself, and that His representative is just a human being, and so I must pray daily that he be given light.
V. During the evening examination of conscience, I am to ask myself the question: What if He were to call me today?
VI. Not to look for God far away, but within my own being to abide with Him alone.
VII. In sufferings and torments, to take refuge in the tabernacle and to be silent.
VIII. To join all sufferings, prayers, works and mortifications to the merits of Jesus in order to obtain mercy for the world.
IX. To use free moments, however short, for prayers for the dying.
X. There must not be a day in my life when I do not recommend to the Lord the works of our Congregation. Never have regard for what others think of you [for human respect].
XI. Have no familiar relationships with anyone. Gentle firmness toward the girls, boundless patience; punish them severely but with such punishments as these: prayer and self-sacrifice. The strength that is in the emptying of myself for their sake is for them a [source of] constant remorse and the softening of their obdurate hearts.
XII. The presence of God is the basis of all my thoughts, words and deeds.
XIII. To take advantage of all spiritual help. To always put self-love in its
proper place; namely, the last. To perform my spiritual exercises as though I
were doing them for the last time in my life, and in like manner to carry out all
my duties.
862 January 2, [1937]. The Name of Jesus. Oh, how great is Your Name, O
Lord! It is the strength of my soul. When my strength fails, and darkness invades
my soul, Your Name is the sun whose rays give light and also warmth, and
under their influence the soul becomes more beautiful and radiant, taking its
splendor from Your Name. When I hear the sweetest name of Jesus, my
heartbeat grows stronger, and there are times when, hearing the Name of Jesus,
I fall into a swoon. My spirit eagerly strains toward Him.
863 This is a particularly important day for me. On this day I made my first visit
connected with the painting of the Image. [160] On this day the Divine Mercy
received special external honor for the first time, although it has been known for
a long time, but here it was in the form that the Lord had requested. This day of
the sweet Name of Jesus reminds me of many special graces.
864 January 3. The Mother Superior of the Congregation that serves this
hospital visited me today, together with one of her sisters. [161] For a long
while, we talked about spiritual matters. I recognized in her a great ascetic, and
so our conversation was pleasing to God. Today a girl came to see me. I saw that she was suffering, but not so much in
body as in soul. I comforted her as much as I could, but my words of
consolation were not enough. She was a poor orphan with a soul plunged in
bitterness and pain. She opened her soul to me and told me everything. I
understood that, in this case, simple words of consolation would not be enough.
I fervently interceded with the Lord for that soul and offered Him my joy so that
He would give it to her and take all feeling of joy away from me. And the Lord
heard my prayer: I was left only with the consolation that she had been
consoled.
865 Adoration. First Sunday of the month. During adoration, I felt so strongly
urged to act that I burst into tears and said to the Lord, "Jesus, do not urge me,
but give this inspiration to those who You know are delaying the work." And I
heard these words: My daughter, be at peace; it will not be long now.
866 During Vespers, I heard these words: My daughter, I want to repose in
your heart, because many souls have thrown Me out of their hearts today. I
have experienced sorrow unto death. I tried to comfort the Lord, by offering
Him my love a thousand times over. I felt, within my soul, a great disgust for sin.
867 + My heart is steeped in continual bitterness, because I want to go to You,
Lord, into the fullness of life. O Jesus, what a dreadful wilderness this life seems
to me! There is on this earth no nourishment for either my heart or my soul. I
suffer because of my longing for You, O Lord. You have left me the Sacred
Host, O Lord, but it enkindles in my soul an even greater longing for You, O my
Creator and Eternal God! Jesus, I yearn to become united with You. Deign to
hear the sighs of Your dearly beloved. Oh, how I suffer because I am still unable
to be united with You. But let it be done according to Your wishes.
868 January 5, 1937. This evening, I saw a certain priest [probably Father
Sopocko] who was in need of prayer for a certain matter. I prayed fervently
because the matter is very close to my heart as well. Thank You, Jesus, for this
kindness.
869 O Jesus, have mercy! Embrace the whole world and press me to Your
Heart.... O Lord, let my soul repose in the sea of Your unfathomable mercy.
870 January 6, 1937. Today during Holy Mass, I was unwittingly absorbed in
the infinite majesty of God. The whole immensity of God's love flooded my soul.
At that particular moment, I became aware of how much God abases himself for
my sake. He, the Lord of Lords-and what am I, miserable being that I am, that
You would commune thus with me? The wonder that took hold of me after this
special grace continued very vividly throughout the entire day. Taking advantage
of the intimacy to which the Lord was admitting me, I interceded before Him for
the whole world. At such moments I have the feeling that the whole world is
depending on me.
871 + My Master, cause my heart never to expect help from anyone, but I will
always strive to bring assistance, consolation and all manner of relief to others.
My heart is always open to the sufferings of others; and I will not close my heart
to the sufferings of others, even though because of this I have been scornfully
nicknamed "dump"; that is, [because] everyone dumps his pain into my heart.
[To this] I answered that everyone has a place in my heart and I, in return, have
a place in the Heart of Jesus. Taunts regarding the law of love will not narrow
my heart. My soul is always sensitive on this point, and Jesus alone is the motive
for my love of neighbor.
872 January 7. During the Holy Hour, the Lord allowed me to taste His
Passion. I shared in the bitterness of the suffering that filled His soul to
overflowing. Jesus gave me to understand how a soul should be faithful to
prayer despite torments, dryness and temptations; because oftentimes the
realization of God's great plans depends mainly on such prayer. If we do not
persevere in such prayer, we frustrate what the Lord wanted to do through us or
within us. Let every soul remember these words: "And being in anguish, He
prayed longer." I always prolong such prayer as much as is in my power and in
conformity with my duty.
873 January 8. On Friday morning, as I was going to the chapel to attend Holy
Mass, I suddenly saw a huge juniper tree on the pavement and in it a horrible
cat who, looking angrily at me, blocked my way to the chapel. One whisper of
the name of Jesus dissipated all that. I offered the whole day for dying sinners.
During Holy Mass, I felt the closeness of the Lord in a special way. After Holy
Communion, I turned my gaze with trust toward the Lord and told him, "Jesus, I
so much desire to tell You something." And the Lord looked at me with love
and said, And what is it that you desire to tell Me? "Jesus, I beg You, by the inconceivable power of Your mercy, that all the souls
who will die today escape the fire of hell, even if they have been the greatest
sinners. Today is Friday, the memorial of Your bitter agony on the Cross;
because Your mercy is inconceivable, the Angels will not be surprised at this."
Jesus pressed me to His Heart and said, My beloved daughter, you have come
to know well the depths of My mercy. I will do what you ask, but unite yourself
continually with My agonizing Heart and make reparation to My justice. Know
that you have asked Me for a great thing, but I see that this was dictated by
your pure love for Me; that is why I am complying with your requests.
874 Mary, Immaculate Virgin, take me under Your special protection and guard
the purity of my soul, heart and body. You are the model and star of my life.
875 Today, I experienced a great suffering during the visit of our sisters. I
learned of something that hurt me terribly, but I controlled myself so that the
sisters didn't notice anything. For some time, the pain was tearing my heart
apart, but all that is for the sake of poor sinners.... O Jesus, for poor sinners....
Jesus, my strength, stay close to me, help me....
876 January 10, 1937. I asked the Lord today to give me strength in the
morning so that I could go to receive Holy Communion. My Master, I ask You
with all my thirsting heart to give me, if this is according to Your holy will, any
suffering and weakness that You like-I want to suffer all day and all night-but
please, I fervently beg You, strengthen me for the one moment when I am to
receive Holy Communion. You see very well, Jesus, that here they do not bring
Holy Communion to the sick; so, if You do not strengthen me for that moment
so that I can go down to the chapel, how can I receive You in the Mystery of
Love? And You know how much my heart longs for You. O my sweet Spouse,
what's the good of all these reasonings? You know how ardently I desire You,
and if You so choose You can do this for me. On the following morning, I felt as if I were perfectly well; the faintings and the
weaknesses ceased. But as soon as I returned from the chapel, all the sufferings
and weaknesses immediately returned, as if they had been waiting for me. But I
had no fear of them at all, because I had been nourished by the Bread of the
Strong. I boldly look at everything; even death itself I look straight in the eye.
877 + O Jesus concealed in the Host, my sweet Master and faithful Friend, how
happy my soul is to have such a Friend who always keeps me company. I do
not feel lonely even though I am in isolation. Jesus-Host, we know each
other-that is enough for me.
878 January 12, 1937. Today, when the doctor [Adam Silberg] making his
rounds came to see me, he somehow didn't like the way I looked. Naturally, I
was suffering more, and so my temperature had gone up considerably.
Consequently, he decided I must not go down for Holy Communion until my
temperature dropped to normal. I said, "All right," although pain seized my
heart; but I said I would go only if I had no fever. So he agreed to that. When
the doctor left, I said to the Lord, "Jesus, now it is up to You whether I shall go
or not," and I didn't think about it anymore, although the thought kept coming to
my mind: I am not to have Jesusno, that's impossible-and not just once but for
several days, until my temperature drops. But in the evening, I said to the Lord,
"Jesus, if my Communions are pleasing to You, I beg You humbly, grant that I
have not one degree of fever tomorrow morning." In the morning, as I was taking my temperature, I thought to myself, "If there is
even one degree, I will not get up because that would be contrary to
obedience." But when I looked at the thermometer, there wasn't even one
degree of fever. I jumped to my feet at once and went to Holy Communion.
When the doctor came and I told him that I had had not even one degree of
fever, and so had gone to Holy Communion, he was surprised. I begged him not
to make it difficult for me to go to Holy Communion, for it would have an
adverse effect on the treatment. The doctor answered, "For peace of
conscience and at the same time to avoid difficulties for yourself, Sister, let us
make the following agreement: when the weather is fine, and it isn't raining, and
you feel all right, then, Sister, please go; but you must weigh these matters in
your conscience." It made me very happy that the doctor was being so
considerate for my sake. You see, Jesus, that I have already done whatever was
up to me; now I am counting on You and am quite at peace.
879 I saw Father Andrasz as he was saying Holy Mass today. Before the
Elevation, I saw the Infant Jesus with His hands spread out, and He was very
joyous; then, after a moment, I saw nothing more. I was in my room and I
continued making my thanksgiving. But later on, I thought to myself, "Why was
the Infant Jesus so merry? After all, He is not always so merry when I see Him."
Then I heard these words interiorly: Because I am very much at home in his
heart. And I was not at all surprised at this, because I know he loves Jesus very
much.
880 My union with the dying is still as close as ever. Oh, how incomprehensible
is God's mercy that the Lord allows me, by my unworthy prayer, to come to the
aid of the dying. I try to be at the side of every dying person whenever I can.
Have confidence in God, for He is good and inconceivable. His mercy
surpasses our understanding.
881 January 14, 1937. Today, Jesus entered my room wearing a bright robe
and girded with a golden belt, His whole figure resplendent with great majesty.
He said, My daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear? I answered, "O
Lord, You know why." And He said, Why? "This work frightens me. You know
that I am incapable of carrying it out." And He said, Why? "You see very well
that I am not in good health, that I have no education, that I have no money, that
I am an abyss of misery, that I fear contacts with people. Jesus, I desire only
You. You can release me from this." And the Lord said to me, My daughter,
what you have said is true. You are very miserable, and it pleased Me to carry
out this work of mercy precisely through you who are nothing but misery itself.
Do not fear; I will not leave you alone. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will
accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your
power to do; do that. The Lord looked into the depth of my being with great
kindness; I thought I would die for joy under that gaze. The Lord disappeared,
and joy, strength and power to act remained in my soul. But I was surprised that
the Lord did not want to release me and that He is not changing anything He has
once said. And despite all these joys, there is always a shadow of sorrow. I see
that love and sorrow go hand in hand.
882 I rarely have such visions. But I more often commune with the Lord in a
more profound manner. My senses sleep and, although not in a visible way, all
things become more real and clearer to me than if I saw them with my eyes. My
intellect learns more in one moment than during long years of thinking and
meditation, both as regards the essence of God and as regards revealed truths,
and also as regards the knowledge of my own misery.
883 Nothing disturbs my union with the Lord, neither conversation with others
nor any duties; even if I am to go about settling very important matters, this does
not disturb me. My spirit is with God, and my interior being is filled with God, so
I do not look for Him outside myself. He, the Lord, penetrates my soul just as a
ray from the sun penetrates clear glass. When I was enclosed in my mother's
womb, I was not so closely united with her as I am with my God. There, it was
an unawareness; but here, it is the fullness of reality and the consciousness of
union. My visions are purely interior, but the more I understand them, the less I
am able to express them in words.
884 Oh, how beautiful is the world of the spirit! And so real that, by
comparison, the exterior life is just a vain illusion and powerlessness.
885 Jesus, give me the strength and wisdom to get through this terrible
wilderness, that my heart may bear patiently this longing for You, O my Lord! I
always remain in holy amazement when I sense that You are approaching me,
You, the Lord of the awesome throne; that You descend to this miserable exile
and visit this poor beggar who has nothing but misery! I do not know how to
entertain You, my Royal Prince, but You know that I love You with every beat
of my heart. I see how You lower yourself, but nevertheless Your majesty does
not diminish in my eyes. I know that You love me with the love of a bridegroom,
and that is enough for me. Although we are separated by a great chasm, for You
are the Creator and I am Your creature, nevertheless, love alone explains our
union. Without it, all is incomprehensible. Only love makes it possible to
understand these incomprehensible intimacies with which You visit me. O Jesus,
Your greatness terrifies me, and I would be in constant astonishment and fear, if
You yourself did not set me at peace. You make me capable of communing with
You before each approach.
886 January 15, 1937. Sorrow will not establish itself in a heart which loves the
will of God. My heart, longing for God, feels the whole misery of exile. I keep
going forward bravely-though my feet become wounded-to my homeland and,
on the way, I nourish myself on the will of God. It is my food. Help me, happy
inhabitants of the heavenly homeland, so that your sister may not falter on the
way. Although the desert is fearful, I walk with lifted head and eyes fixed on the
sun; that is to say, on the merciful Heart of Jesus.
887 January 19, 1937. My life at present flows on in peaceful awareness of
God. My silent soul lives on Him, and this conscious life of God in my soul is for
me a source of happiness and strength. I do not look for happiness outside the
depths of my soul in which God dwells; of this I am aware. I feel a certain need
to share myself with others. I have discovered a fountain of happiness in my
soul, and it is God. O my God, I see that everything that surrounds me is filled
with God, and most of all my own soul, which is adorned with the grace of God.
Already now, I will begin to live on that on which I shall live for all eternity.
888 Silence is so powerful a language that it reaches the throne of the living
God. Silence is His language, though secret, yet living and powerful.
889 Jesus, You have given me to know and understand in what a soul's
greatness consists: not in great deeds but in great love. Love has its worth, and it
confers greatness on all our deeds. Although our actions are small and ordinary
in themselves, because of love they become great and powerful before God.
890 Love is a mystery that transforms everything it touches into things beautiful
and pleasing to God. The love of God makes a soul free. She is like a queen;
she knows no slavish compulsion; she sets about everything with great freedom
of soul, because the love which dwells in her incites her to action. Everything
that surrounds her makes her know that only God himself is worthy of her love.
A soul in love with God and immersed in Him approaches her duties with the
same dispositions as she does Holy Communion and carries out the simplest
tasks with great care, under the loving gaze of God. She is not troubled if, after
some time, something turns out to be less successful. She remains calm, because
at the time of the action she had done what was in her power. When it happens
that the living presence of God, which she enjoys almost constantly, leaves her,
she then tries to continue living in lively faith. Her soul understands that there are
periods of rest and periods of battle. Through her will, she is always with God.
Her soul, like a knight, is well trained in battle; from afar it sees where the foe is
hiding and is ready for battle. She knows she is not alone-God is her strength.
891 January 21, [1937]. Since early morning today, I have been wondrously
united with the Lord. In the evening, the hospital chaplain visited me. After we
had talked for a while, I felt my spirit beginning to immerse itself in God, and I
began to lose all sense of what was happening around me. I ardently implored
Jesus, "Give me the ability to talk." And the Lord granted that I could talk freely
with him. But there was a moment when I could not understand what the priest
was saying. I heard his voice, but it was impossible for me to understand him,
and I apologized for not understanding him although I could hear his voice. This
is a moment of the grace of union with God, but imperfect, because exteriorly
the senses are acting imperfectly too. There is no total immersion in God; that is,
suspension of the senses, as often happens when one neither sees nor hears
anything exteriorly, the whole soul being freely absorbed in God. When such a
grace visits me, I want to be alone, and I ask Jesus to protect me from the eyes
of creatures. I was really very embarrassed before the priest, but I was
reassured, because he got to know a little of my soul in confession.
892 Today the Lord gave me to know, in spirit, about the Convent of Divine
Mercy. I saw a great spirit in this convent, but everything was poor and very
scanty. O my Jesus, you are allowing me to live in spirit with these souls, but
perhaps I shall never set foot there; but may Your Name be blessed, and
whatever You have intended, may it be done. 893 January 22, [1937]. Today is Friday. My soul is in a sea of suffering.
Sinners have taken everything away from me. But that is all right; I have given
everything away for their sake that they might know that You are good and
infinitely merciful. I shall be faithful to You, come rain or shine.
894 Today the doctor decided that I am not to go to Mass, but only to Holy
Communion. I wanted very much to assist at Mass, but my confessor, [162] in
agreement with the doctor, told me to obey. "It is God's will, Sister, that you
should get well, and you must not undertake mortifications of any kind. Be
obedient, Sister, and God will reward you for it." I felt that the confessor's
words were Jesus' words, and although it made me sad to miss Holy Mass,
during which God had been granting me the grace of seeing the Infant Jesus;
nevertheless, I placed obedience above everything else. I became absorbed in prayer and said my penance. Then I suddenly saw the
Lord, who said to me, My daughter, know that you give Me greater glory by a
single act of obedience than by long prayers and mortifications. Oh, how good it
is to live under obedience, to live conscious of the fact that everything I do is
pleasing to God!
895 January 23, [1937]. I did not feel like writing today. Then I heard a voice in
my soul:My daughter, you do not live for yourself but for souls; write for their
benefit. You know that My will as to your writing has been confirmed many
times by your confessors. You know what is pleasing to Me, and if you have
any doubts about what I am saying, you also know whom you are to ask. I
grant him light to pronounce judgment on my case. My eye watches over him.
My daughter, you are to be like a child towards him, full of simplicity and
candor. Put his judgment above all My demands. He will guide you according to
My will. If he doesn't allow you to carry out My demands, be at peace; I will
not judge you, but the matter will remain between Me and him. You are to be obedient.
896 January 25, 1937. Today my soul is steeped in bitterness. O Jesus, O my
Jesus, today everyone can add to my cup of bitterness. It makes no difference
whether they be friend or foe, they can all inflict suffering on me. And You, O
Jesus, are bound to give me strength and power in these difficult moments. O
Blessed Host, support me and seal my lips against all murmuring and complaint.
When I am silent, I know I shall be victorious.
897 January 27, 1937. I feel considerable improvement in my health. Jesus is
bringing me from the gates of death to life, because there was so little left but for
me to die, and lo, the Lord grants me the fullness of life. Although I am still to
remain in the sanatorium, I am almost completely well. I see that the will of God
has not yet been fulfilled in me, and that is why I must live, for I know that if I
fulfill everything the Lord has planned for me in this world, He will not leave me
in exile any longer, for heaven is my home. But before we go to our Homeland,
we must fulfill the will of God on earth; that is, trials and struggles must run their
full course in us.
898 O my Jesus, You are giving me back my health and life; give me also
strength for battle, because I am unable to do anything without You. Give me
strength, for You can do all things. You see that I am a frail child, and what can
I do? I know the full power of Your mercy, and I trust that You will give me
everything Your feeble child needs.
899 I have desired death so much! I do not know whether I shall ever again in
my life experience such great longing for God. There have been times when I fell
into a swoon for Him. Oh, how ugly the earth when one knows heaven! I must
do violence to myself in order to live. O will of God, you are my nourishment.
900 Oh, how drab and full of misunderstandings is this life! My patience is
exercised, and after it comes experience. I understand and learn many things
each day and see that I know very little, and I am constantly discovering faults in
my conduct. Still, I am not discouraged by this, but thank God that He deigns to
grant me His light that I may know myself. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
901 + There is a certain person [Stanislava Kwietniewska [163]] who tests my
patience. I must devote much time to her. When I talk with her, I feel that she is
lying, and this, continually. And because she tells me about things far away
which I cannot verify, she is able to get away with the lie. But I am inwardly
convinced that there is no truth in what she says. When it occurred to me once
that I might be mistaken and that she might be telling the truth, I asked the Lord
Jesus to give me the following sign: if she is really lying, let her admit to me
herself that she has lied about any one of the things ; concerning which I am
inwardly convinced that she is lying. And if she is telling the truth, let the Lord
Jesus take this conviction away from me. A little later, she came to me again and
said, "Sister, I beg your forgiveness, but I have lied about such and such a
thing," and I understood that the inner light concerning that person had not
misled me.
902 January 29, 1937. I overslept today. A little longer, and I would have been
too late for Holy Communion because the chapel is a good distance from our
section. [164] When I went outdoors, the snow was knee-deep. But before it
occurred to me that the doctor would not have allowed ! me to go out in such
snow, I had already come to the Lord in the chapel. I received Holy
Communion and was back in no time. I heard these words in my soul: My
daughter, rest close to My Heart. Known to Me are your efforts. My soul is
more joyful when I am close to the Heart of my God. January 30, 1937. One-day retreat.
903 I am coming to know God's greatness more and more and to rejoice in
Him. I remain unceasingly with Him in the depths of my heart. It is in my own
soul that I most easily find God.
904 During my meditation, I heard these words: My daughter, you give Me
most glory by patiently submitting to My will, and you win for yourself greater
merit than that which any fast or mortification could ever gain for you. Know,
My daughter, that if you submit your will to Mine, you draw upon yourself My
special delight. This sacrifice is pleasing to Me and full of sweetness. I take great
pleasure in it; there is power in it.
905 + Examination of conscience: continuation of the same, to unite myself to
the Merciful Christ. Practice: interior silence; that is, strict observance of silence.
906 + In difficult moments, I will fix my gaze upon the silent Heart of Jesus,
stretched upon the Cross, and from the exploding flames of His merciful Heart,
will flow down upon me power and strength to keep fighting.
907 An extraordinary thing, [that] in winter a canary comes to my window and
sings beautifully for a while. I have tried to check whether there is a canary in a
cage somewhere around, but there is none anywhere, not even in the
neighboring ward. One of the other patients also heard it, but only once, and
wondered how a canary could be singing in this freezing season of the year.
908 + O Jesus, how sorry I feel for poor sinners. Jesus, grant them contrition
and repentance. Remember Your own sorrowful Passion. I know Your infinite
mercy and cannot bear it that a soul that has cost You so much should perish.
Jesus, give me the souls of sinners; let Your mercy rest upon them. Take
everything away from me, but give me souls. I want to become a sacrificial host
for sinners. Let the shell of my body conceal my offering, for Your Most Sacred
Heart is also hidden in a Host, and certainly You are a living sacrifice. Transform me into Yourself, O Jesus, that I may be a living sacrifice and
pleasing to You. I desire to atone at each moment for poor sinners. The sacrifice
of my spirit is hidden under the veil of the body; the human eye does not
perceive it, and for that reason it is pure and pleasing to You. O my Creator and
Father of great mercy, I trust in You, for You are Goodness Itself. Souls, do not
be afraid of God, but trust in Him, for He is good, and His mercy is everlasting.
909 + We know each other mutually, O Lord, in the dwelling of my heart. Yes,
now it is I who am receiving You as a Guest in the little home of my heart, but
the time is coming when You will call me to Your dwelling place, which You
have prepared for me from the beginning of the world. Oh, what am I compared
to You, O Lord?
910 The Lord is leading me into a world unknown to me. He makes known to
me His great grace, but I am afraid of it and will not submit to its influence in so
far as it may be in my power, until I am assured by my spiritual director as to
what this grace is.
911 On one occasion, God's presence pervaded my whole being, and my mind
was mysteriously enlightened in respect to His Essence. He allowed me to
understand His interior life. In spirit, I saw the Three Divine Persons, but Their
Essence was One. He is One, and One only, but in Three Persons; none of
Them is either greater or smaller; there is no difference in either beauty or
sanctity, for They are One. They are absolutely One. His Love transported me
into this knowledge and united me with Himself. When I was united to One, I
was equally united to the Second and to the Third in such a way that when we
are united with One, by that very fact, we are equally united to the two Persons
in the same way as with the One. Their will is One, one God, though in Three
Persons. When One of the Three Persons communicates with a soul, by the
power of that one will, it finds itself united with the Three Persons and is
inundated in the happiness flowing from the Most Holy Trinity, the same
happiness that nourishes the saints. This same happiness that streams from the
Most Holy Trinity makes all creation happy; from it springs that life which
vivifies and bestows all life which takes its beginning from Him. In these
moments, my soul experienced such great divine delights that I find this difficult
to express.
912 Then I heard the following words spoken thus: I want you to be My
spouse. Fear pierced my soul, but I calmly continued to reflect on what sort of
an espousal this could be. However, each time fear would invade my soul, a
power from on high would give it peace. After all, I have taken perpetual vows,
and I have taken them of my own completely free will. And so I continued to
reflect on what this could mean. I sensed, and came to realize, that this was
some special kind of grace. Whenever I think about it, I feel faint for God, but in
this swooning, my mind is clear and penetrated with light. When I am united to
Him, I faint from an abundance of happiness, but my mind is bright and clear
and free from all shadows. You abase Your majesty to dwell with a poor
creature. Thank you, O Lord, for this great grace that makes it possible for me
to commune with You. Jesus, Your Name is my delight, I have a presentiment
of my Beloved from afar, and my languishing soul rests in His embrace; I don't
know how to live without Him. I would rather be with Him in afflictions and
suffering than without Him in the greatest heavenly delights.
913 February 2, 1937. Today, from early morning, Divine absorption
penetrates my soul. During Mass, I thought I would see the little Jesus, as I often
do; however, today during Holy Mass I saw the Crucified Jesus. Jesus was
nailed to the cross and was in great agony. His suffering pierced me, soul and
body, in a manner which was invisible, but nevertheless most painful.
914 Oh, what awesome mysteries take place during Mass! A great mystery is
accomplished in the Holy Mass. With what great devotion should we listen to
and take part in this death of Jesus. One day we will know what God is doing
for us in each Mass, and what sort of gift He is preparing in it for us. Only His
divine love could permit that such a gift be provided for us. O Jesus, my Jesus,
with what great pain is my soul pierced when I see this fountain of life gushing
forth with such sweetness and power for each soul, while at the same time I see
souls withering away and drying up through their own fault. O Jesus, grant that
the power of mercy embrace these souls.
915 + O Mary, today a terrible sword has pierced Your holy soul. Except for
God, no one knows of Your suffering. Your soul does not break; it is brave,
because it is with Jesus. Sweet Mother, unite my soul to Jesus, because it is only
then that I will be able to endure all trials and tribulations, and only in union with
Jesus will my little sacrifices be pleasing to God. Sweetest Mother, continue to
teach me about the interior life. May the sword of suffering never break me. O
pure Virgin, pour courage into my heart and guard it.
916 This day is so special for me; even though I encountered so many
sufferings, my soul is overflowing with great joy. In a private room next to mine,
there was a Jewish woman who was seriously ill. I went to see her three days
ago and was deeply pained at the thought that she would soon die without
having her soul cleansed by the grace of Baptism. I had an understanding with
her nurse, a [religious] Sister, that when her last moment would be approaching,
she would baptize her. There was this difficulty however, that there were always
some Jewish people with her. However, I felt inspired to pray before the image
which Jesus had instructed me to have painted. I have a leaflet with the Image of
the Divine Mercy on the cover. And I said to the Lord, "Jesus, You yourself
told me that You would grant many graces through this image. I ask You, then,
for the grace of Holy Baptism for this Jewish lady. It makes no difference who
will baptize her, as long as she is baptized. After these words, I felt strangely at peace, and I was quite sure that, despite
the difficulties, the waters of Holy Baptism would be poured upon her soul. That
night, when she was very low, I got out of bed three times to see her, watching
for the right moment to give her this grace. The next morning, she seemed to feel
a little better. In the afternoon her last moment began to approach. The Sister
who was her nurse said that Baptism would be difficult because they were with
her. The moment came when the sick woman began to lose consciousness, and
as a result, in order to save her, they began to run about; some [went] to fetch
the doctor, while others went off in other directions to find help. And so the patient was left alone, and Sister baptized her, and before they had
all rushed back, her soul was beautiful, adorned with God's grace. Her final
agony began immediately, but it did not last long. It was as if she fell asleep. All
of a sudden, I saw her soul ascending to heaven in wondrous beauty. Oh, how
beautiful is a soul with sanctifying grace! Joy flooded my heart that before this
image I had received so great a grace for this soul.
917 Oh, how great is God's mercy; let every soul praise it. O my Jesus, that
soul for all eternity will be singing You a hymn of mercy. I shall not forget the
impression this day has made on my soul. This is the second great grace which I
have received here for souls before this image. Oh, how good the Lord is, and how full of compassion; Jesus, how heartily I
thank You for these graces.
918 February 5, 1937. My Jesus, in spite of everything, I desire very much to
unite myself to You. Jesus, if this be possible, take me to Yourself, for it seems
to me that my heart will burst of longing for You! Oh, how very much I feel that I am in exile! When will I find myself in the house
of our Father, delighting in the happiness that streams from the Most Holy
Trinity? But, if it is Your will that I still go on living and suffering, then I desire
what You have destined for me. Keep me here on earth for as long as You
wish, even though this be until the end of the world. O will of my Lord, be my
delight and the rapture of my soul. Although the earth is so filled with people, I
feel all alone, and the earth is a terrible desert to me. 0 Jesus, Jesus, You know
and understand the fervors of my heart; You, O Lord, alone can fill me.
919 + Today, when I warned a certain young lady that she should not be
standing for hours in the corridor with the men, because it was unbecoming for a
well-bred young lady to do so, she apologized and promised to correct herself.
She began to cry when she became aware of her thoughtlessness. As I was
saying these few things to her concerning moral behavior, all the men from the
ward came over and listened to my words of advice. The Jewish people even
heard a few things about themselves. A certain person told me afterwards that
they put their ears against the wall and listened attentively. I somehow felt they
were listening, but I said what I had to say. The walls are so thin here that one
can be heard, even when speaking in a low voice.
920 +There is a woman here [165] who was once one of our students.
Naturally, she puts my patience to the test. She comes to see me several times a
day. After each of these visits I am tired out, but I see that the Lord Jesus has
sent that soul to me. Let everything glorify You, O Lord. Patience gives glory to
God. O how poor the souls are!
921 February 6, [1937]. Today, the Lord said to me, My daughter, I am told
that there is much simplicity in you, so why do you not tell Me about everything
that concerns you, even the smallest details? Tell Me about everything, and
know that this will give Me great joy. I answered, "But You know about
everything, Lord." And Jesus replied to me, Yes, I do know; but you should not
excuse yourself with the fact that I know, but with childlike simplicity talk to Me
about everything, for My ears and heart are inclined towards you, and your
words are dear to Me.
922 + When I began this big novena for three intentions, I saw a tiny insect on
the ground and thought: how did it get here in the middle of winter? Then I heard
the following words in my soul: You see, I am thinking of it and sustaining it, and
what is it compared to you? Why was your soul fearful for a moment? I
apologized to the Lord for that moment. Jesus wants me to always be a child
and to leave all care to Him, and to submit blindly to His holy will. He took
everything upon Himself.
923 February 7, [1937]. Today, the Lord said to me, I demand of you a perfect
and whole-burnt offering; an offering of the will. No other sacrifice can compare
with this one. I myself am directing your life and arranging things in such a way
that you will be for Me a continual sacrifice and will always do My will. And for
the accomplishment of this offering, you will unite yourself with Me on the
Cross. I know what you can do. I myself will give you many orders directly, but
I will delay the possibility of their being carried out and make it depend on
others. But what the superiors will not manage to do, I myself will accomplish
directly in your soul. And in the most hidden depths of your soul, a perfect
holocaust will be carried out, not just for a while, but know, My daughter, that
this offering will last until your death. But there is time, so that I the Lord will
fulfill all your wishes. I delight in you as in a living host; let nothing terrify you; I
am with you.
924 Today, I received a note from Mother Superior forbidding me to go to the
bedside of the dying. And so, I will send to the dying obedience in place of self,
and it will support the souls who are dying. Such is God's will, and that is
enough for me. That which I cannot understand now I will learn later.
925 February 7, 1937. Today, I prayed more fervently than ever for the Holy
Father [Pius XI] and three priests [166] that God would inspire them as to what
He is asking of me, for the realization of this depends on them. Oh, how happy I
am that the Holy Father's health is improving. Today I heard him addressing the
Eucharistic Congress, [167] and I went there in spirit to receive the Apostolic
Blessing.
926 February 9,[1937]. Shrove Tuesday. During the last two days of the
carnival, I experienced the overwhelming flood of chastisements and sins. In one
instant the Lord gave me a knowledge of the sins committed throughout the
whole world during these days. I fainted from fright, and even though I know the
depth of God's mercy, I was surprised that God allows humanity to exist. And
the Lord gave me to know who it is that upholds the existence of mankind: it is
the chosen souls. When the number of the chosen ones is complete, the world
will cease to exist.
927 On these two days, I received Holy Communion as an act of reparation,
and I said to the Lord, "Jesus, I offer everything today for sinners. Let the blows
of Your justice fall on me, and the sea of Your mercy engulf the poor sinners."
And the Lord heard my prayer: many souls returned to the Lord, but I was in
agony under the yoke of God's justice. I felt I was the object of the anger of the
Most High God. By evening my sufferings had reached such a stage of interior
desolation that moans welled up involuntarily from my breast. I locked the door
of my room and began an adoration; that is to say, a Holy Hour. Interior
desolation and an experience of God's justice-that was my prayer; and the
moans and pain that welled up from my soul took the place of a sweet
conversation with the Lord.
928 Then suddenly I saw the Lord, who clasped me to His Heart and said to
me, My daughter, do not weep, for I cannot bear your tears. I will grant you
everything you ask for, but stop crying. And I was filled with great joy, and my
spirit, as usual, was drowned in Him as in its only treasure. Today, encouraged
by His kindness, I conversed with Jesus at greater length.
929 When I had rested near His sweetest Heart, I told Him, "Jesus, I have so
much to tell You." And the Lord said to me with great love, Speak, My
daughter. And I started to enumerate the pains of my heart; that is, how greatly
concerned I am for all mankind, that "they all do not know You, and those who
do know You do not love You as You deserve to be loved. I also see how
terribly sinners offend You; and then again, I see how severely the faithful,
especially Your servants, are oppressed and persecuted. And then, too, I see
many souls rushing headlong into the terrible abyss of hell. You see, Jesus, this is
the pain that gnaws at my heart and bones. And, although You show me special
love and inundate my heart with streams of Your joys, nevertheless, this does
not appease the sufferings I have just mentioned, but rather they penetrate my
poor heart all the more acutely. Oh, how ardently I desire that all mankind turn
with trust to Your mercy. Then, seeing the glory of Your name, my heart will be comforted." Jesus listened to these outpourings of my heart with gravity and interest, as if He
had known nothing about them, and this seemed to make it easier for me to talk.
And the Lord said to me, My daughter, those words of your heart are pleasing
to Me, and by saying the chaplet you are bringing humankind closer to Me.
After these words, I found myself alone, but the presence of God is always in
my soul.
930 + O my Jesus, although I will go to You, and You will fill me with Yourself,
and that will make my happiness complete, I will nevertheless not forget about
humanity. I desire to draw aside the veils of heaven, so that the earth would
have no doubts about The Divine Mercy. My repose is in proclaiming Your
mercy. The soul gives the greatest glory to its Creator when it turns with trust to
The Divine Mercy.
931 February 10, [1937]. Today is Ash Wednesday. During Holy Mass, I felt for a short time the Passion of Jesus in my members.
Lent is a very special time for the work of priests. We should assist them in
rescuing souls.
932 A few days ago, I wrote to my director [probably Father Andrasz [168]],
asking permission for some little mortifications during Lent. As I did not have the
doctor's permission to go to town, I had to do this by letter. But Ash
Wednesday is already here, and I still have no answer. This morning after Holy
Communion, I asked Jesus to inspire my director with His light so that he would
answer me, and I knew in my soul that Father was not against my practicing
these mortifications for which I had asked permission, and that he would give his
permission. So, in peace, I began to undertake these practices. That same
afternoon I received a letter from Father, saying that he readily gives me
permission to undertake those practices for which I had asked permission. I was
very pleased that my interior knowledge was in agreement with my spiritual
Father's opinion.
933 Then I heard the following words in my soul: You will receive a greater
reward for your obedience and subjection to your confessor than you will for
the practices which you will be carrying out. Know this, My daughter, and act
accordingly: anything, no matter how small it be, that has the seal of obedience
to My representative is pleasing to Me and great in My eyes.
934 Small practices for Lent. Although I wish and desire to do so, I cannot
practice big mortifications as before, because I am under the strict surveillance
of the doctor. But I can practice little things: first-sleep without a pillow; keep
myself a little hungry; every day, with my arms outstretched, say the chaplet
which the Lord taught me; occasionally, with arms outstretched, for an indefinite
period of time pray informally. Intention: to beg divine mercy for poor sinners,
and for priests, the power to bring sinful hearts to repentance.
935 My contact with the dying is, just as it has been in the past, very close. I
often accompany a person who is dying far away, but my greatest joy is when I
see the promise of mercy fulfilled in these souls. The Lord is faithful; what He
once ordains-He fulfills.
936 + A certain person in our ward was beginning to die. Amidst terrible
tortures, she was dying for three days, sometimes regaining consciousness.
Everyone in the ward was praying for her. I longed to go to her, but Mother
Superior had forbidden me to go to visit the dying, so I prayed for that poor
soul in my room. But when I heard that she was still in agony, and there was no
saying how long it was going to take, I suddenly felt inspired in my soul and said
to the Lord, "Jesus, if all I do is pleasing to You, I ask You, as evidence, to let
that soul stop suffering and pass on immediately to her happy eternity." A few
minutes later I learned that the person had passed away so peacefully and
quickly that they did not even have time to light the candle.
937 + I will say a word more about my spiritual director [Father Andrasz or
Father Sopocko [169]]. It is strange that there are so few priests who know
how to pour power, strength and courage into a soul so that it can make
constant progress without getting tired. Under such direction a soul, even of
lesser strength, can do much for the glory of God. And here I discovered a
secret; namely, that the confessor, or rather the spiritual director, does not make
light of the trifles that the soul brings to him. And when the soul notices that it is
being controlled in this, it begins to exert itself and does not omit the slightest
opportunity to practice virtue and also avoids the smallest faults. And from these
efforts, as with little stones, there rises within the soul a most beautiful temple.
On the contrary, if the soul notices that the confessor neglects these little things,
it likewise neglects them and ceases to give an account of them to the confessor
and, worse still, will begin to grow negligent in little things. Thus, instead of going
forward, it gradually retreats backward and becomes aware of the situation only
when it has already fallen into some serious trouble. Here, a serious question
poses itself: who is at fault, the soul in question or the confessor; that is to say,
the director? It seems to me that all the blame should be put on the imprudent
director; the soul's only fault is to have taken upon itself the choice of a director.
! The director could well have led the soul along the road of God's will to
sanctity.
938 The soul should have prayed ardently and at greater length for a director
and should have asked the Lord himself to choose a spiritual director for it.
What begins in God will be godly, and what begins in a purely human manner
will remain human. God is so merciful that, in order to help a soul He himself
chooses the spiritual guide and will enlighten the soul concerning the one before
whom it should uncover the most hidden depths of its soul just as it sees itself
before the Lord Jesus himself. And when the soul considers and recognizes that
God has been arranging all this, it should pray fervently for the confessor that he
might have the divine light to know it well. And let it not change such a director
except for a serious reason. Just as it had prayed fervently and at great length in
order to learn God's will before choosing a director, so too should it pray
fervently and at great length to discern whether it is truly God's will that he leave
this director and choose another. If God's will is not absolutely clear, he should
not make this change, for a person will not go far by himself, and Satan wants
just this: to have the person who is aspiring for sanctity direct himself because
then, without doubt, he will never attain it.
939 There is an exception [to this], and that is when God himself directs the
person, but the director will immediately recognize that the person in question is
being guided by God himself. God will allow him to know this clearly and
distinctly, and such a person should be even more under the director's control
than anyone else. In this case, the director does not so much guide and point out
the road along which the soul is to journey; but rather, he judges and confirms
that the soul is following the right path and is being led by a good spirit. In this situation, the director should be not only holy, but also experienced and
prudent, and the soul should give priority to his opinion over that of God himself,
for then the soul will be safe from illusions and deviations. A soul that will not
fully submit its inspirations to the strict control of the Church; that is, to the
director, clearly shows by this that a bad spirit is guiding it. The director should
be extremely prudent in such cases and test the soul's obedience. Satan can
even clothe himself in a cloak of humility, but he does not know how to wear the
cloak of obedience and thus his evil designs will be disclosed. But the director
should not be overly afraid of such a soul, because if God puts that special soul
in his care, He will also give him great divine light regarding it, for otherwise how
could he deal wisely with the great mysteries which take place between the soul
and God.
940 I myself suffered a great deal and was much tried in this respect. Therefore,
I am writing only about what I myself have experienced. It was only after many
novenas, prayers and penances that God sent me a priest who understood my
soul. Oh, there would be many more saintly souls if there were more
experienced and saintly confessors. Many a soul, earnestly striving for sanctity,
cannot manage by itself during times of trial and abandons the road to
perfection.
941 O Jesus, give us fervent and holy priests! Oh, how great is the dignity of the
priest, but at the same time, how great is his responsibility! Much has been given
you, O priest, but much will also be demanded of you....
942 February 11, [1937]. Today is Friday. During Mass, I suffered pain in my
body: in my hands, my feet and my side. Jesus is sending me this kind of
suffering that I may make reparation for sinners. The pain is brief, but very
severe. I do not suffer for more than a couple of minutes, but the impression
remains for a long time and is very vivid.
943 + Today, I feel such desolation in my soul that I do not know how to
explain it even to myself. I would like to hide from people and cry endlessly. No
one understands a heart wounded by love, and when such a heart feels itself
abandoned interiorly, no one can comfort it. O souls of sinners, you have taken
the Lord away from me, but all right, all right; you get to know how sweet the
Lord is, and let the whole sea of bitterness flood my heart. I have given all my
divine comforts to you.
944 + There are moments when I mistrust myself, when I feel my own
weakness and wretchedness in the most profound depths of my own being, and
I have noticed that I can endure such moments only by trusting in the infinite
mercy of God. Patience, prayer and silence-these are what give strength to the
soul. There are moments when one should be silent, and when it would be
inappropriate to talk with creatures; these are the moments when one is
dissatisfied with oneself, and when the soul feels as weak as a little child. Then
the soul clings to God with all its might. At such times, I live solely by faith, and
when I feel strengthened by God's grace, then I am more courageous in
speaking and communicating with my neighbors.
945 In the evening, the Lord said to me, My child, rest on My Heart; I see that
you have worked hard in My vineyard. And my soul was flooded with divine
joy.
946 February 12, [1937]. Today, the presence of God is piercing me through
and through, like a ray from the sun. My soul is longing for God so intensely that
I fall into a swoon every now and then. I feel Eternal Love touching my heart,
and my littleness cannot bear it, and this causes me to swoon. Still, my interior
strength is great, and my soul wants to match the Love with which it is loved.
The soul at such moments has a very deep knowledge of God, and the more it
comes to know Him, the purer and more fervent does its love for Him become.
How unfathomable are the mysteries of the soul and God!
947 Sometimes there are whole hours when my soul is lost in wonder at seeing
the infinite majesty of God abasing Itself to the level of my soul. Unending is my
interior astonishment that the Most High Lord is pleased in me and tells me so
Himself. And I immerse myself even deeper in my nothingness, because I know
what I am of myself. Still I must say that I, in return, love my Creator to folly
with every beat of my heart and with every nerve; my soul unconsciously
drowns, drowns... in Him. I feel that nothing will separate me from the Lord,
neither heaven nor earth, neither the present nor the future. Everything may
change, but love never, never; it is always the same. He, the Immortal Mighty
One, makes His will known to me that I may love Him very specially, and He
himself makes my soul capable of the kind of love with which He wants me to
love Him. I bury myself more and more in Him, and I fear nothing. Love has overtaken my whole heart, and even if I were to be told of God's
justice and of how even the pure spirits tremble and cover their faces before
Him, saying endlessly, "Holy," which would seem to suggest that my familiarity
with God would be to the detriment of His honor and majesty, [I would reply,]
"O no, no, and once again, no!" In pure love, there is room for everything: the
highest praise and the deepest adoration, yet the soul is immersed in Him in
deepest peace through love; and the words of people, speaking from the
exterior, have no effect upon that soul. What they tell the soul about God is but
a pale shadow in comparison to its own experience of Him; and it is often
surprised how other people can be struck with admiration at what someone else
says about God when, for this soul, it is nothing special, as it knows that what
can be put into words is not yet that great. So this soul listens to everything with
respect, but has its own special life in God.
948 February 13, [1937]. Today, during the Passion Service, [170] I saw Jesus
being tortured and crowned with thorns and holding a reed in His hand. Jesus
was silent as the soldiers were bustling about, vying with each other in torturing
Him. Jesus said nothing, but just looked at me, and in that gaze I felt His pain, so
terrible that we have not the faintest idea of how much He suffered for us before
He was crucified. My soul was filled with pain and longing; in my soul, I felt
great hatred for sin, and even the smallest infidelity on my part seemed to me
like a huge mountain for which I must expiate by mortification and penance.
When I see Jesus tormented, my heart is torn to pieces, and I think: what will
become of sinners if they do not take advantage of the Passion of Jesus? In His
Passion, I see a whole sea of mercy. + J.M.J. February 12, 1937 + The Love of God is the flower - Mercy the fruit.
949 Let the doubting soul read these considerations on Divine Mercy and
become trusting. [171] Divine Mercy, gushing forth from the bosom of the Father, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, greatest attribute of God, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, incomprehensible mystery, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, fount gushing forth from the mystery of the Most Blessed Trinity,
I trust in You. Divine Mercy, unfathomed by any intellect, human or angelic, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, from which wells forth all life and happiness, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, better than the heavens, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, source of miracles and wonders, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, encompassing the whole universe, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, descending to earth in the Person of the Incarnate Word, I trust
in You. Divine Mercy, which flowed out from the open wound of the Heart of Jesus, I
trust in You. Divine Mercy, enclosed in the Heart of Jesus for us, and especially for sinners, I
trust in You. Divine Mercy, unfathomed in the institution of the Sacred Host, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in the founding of Holy Church, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in our justification through Jesus Christ, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, accompanying us through our whole life, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, embracing us especially at the hour of death, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, endowing us with immortal life, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, accompanying us every moment of our life, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, shielding us from the fire of hell, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in the conversion of hardened sinners, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, astonishment for Angels, incomprehensible to Saints, I trust in
You. Divine Mercy, unfathomed in all the mysteries of God, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, lifting us out of every misery, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, source of our happiness and joy, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in calling us forth from nothingness to existence, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, embracing all the works of His hands, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, crown of all of God's handiwork, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, in which we are all immersed, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, sweet relief for anguished hearts, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, only hope of despairing souls, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, repose of hearts, peace amidst fear, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, delight and ecstasy of holy souls, I trust in You. Divine Mercy, inspiring hope against all hope, I trust in You.
950 + Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion
inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult
moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great
confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 2
951 + O incomprehensible and limitless Mercy Divine, To extol and adore You
worthily, who can? Supreme attribute of Almighty God, You are the sweet hope
for sinful man. Into one hymn yourselves unite, stars, earth and sea, and in one accord,
thankfully and fervently sing of the incomprehensible Divine Mercy.
952 My Jesus, You see that Your holy will is everything to me. It makes no
difference to me what You do with me. You command me to set to work-and I
begin calmly, although I know that I am incapable of it; through Your
representatives, You order me to waitso I wait patiently; You fill my soul with
enthusiasmbut You do not make it possible for me to act; You attract me to
yourself in heaven-and You leave me in this world; You pour into my soul a
great yearning for yourself-and You hide yourself from me. I am dying of the
desire to be united with You forever, and You do not let death come near me.
O will of God, you are the nourishment and delight of my soul. When I submit to
the holy will of my God, a deep peace floods my soul. O my Jesus, You do not give a reward for the successful performance of a
work, but for the good will and the labor undertaken. Therefore, I am
completely at peace, even if all my undertakings and efforts should be thwarted
or should come to naught. If I do all that is in my power, the rest is not my
business. And therefore the greatest storms do not disturb the depths of my
peace; the will of God dwells in my conscience.
953 + February 15, 1937. Today my suffering increased somewhat: I not only
feel greater pain all through my lungs, but also some strange pains in my
intestines. I am suffering as much as my weak nature can bear, all for immortal
souls, to plead the mercy of God for poor sinners and to beg for strength for
priests. Oh, how much reverence I have for priests; and I am asking Jesus, the
High Priest, to grant them many graces.
954 Today after Holy Communion, the Lord told me, My daughter, My delight
is to unite myself with you. It is when you submit yourself to My will that you
give Me the greatest glory and draw down upon yourself a sea of blessings. I
would not take such special delight in you if you were not living by my will. O
my sweet Guest, I am prepared for all sacrifices for Your sake, but You know
that I am weakness itself. Nevertheless, with You I can do all things. O my
Jesus, I beseech You, be with me at each instant.
955 February 15, 1937. Today, I heard these words in my soul: Host pleasing
to My Father, know, My daughter, that the entire Holy Trinity finds Its special
delight in you, because you live exclusively by the will of God. No sacrifice can
compare with this.
956 + After these words, the knowledge of God's will came to me; that is to
say, I now see everything from a higher point of view and accept all events and
things, pleasant and unpleasant, with love, as tokens of the heavenly Father's
special affection.
957 The pure offering of my will will burn on the altar of love. That my sacrifice
may be perfect, I unite myself closely with the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.
When great sufferings will cause my nature to tremble, and my physical and
spiritual strength will diminish, then will I hide myself deep in the open wound of
the Heart of Jesus, silent as a dove, without complaint. Let all my desires, even
the holiest, noblest and most beautiful, take always the last place and Your holy
will, the very first. The least of Your desires, O Lord, is more precious to me
than heaven, with all its treasures. I know very well that people will not
understand me; that is why my sacrifice will be purer in Your eyes.
958 Some days ago, a certain person came to me and asked me to pray for her
intention, as she had some urgent and important business. All of a sudden, I felt
in my soul that this matter was not pleasing to God, and I replied that I would
not pray for this intention, "but I will pray for you, in general" [I added]. A few
days later, this lady came back to me and thanked me for not having prayed for
her intention, but rather for her, because she had been motivated by a spirit of
revenge toward a certain person to whom she owed respect and veneration in
virtue of the fourth commandment. The Lord Jesus had changed her interior
[dispositions], and she herself acknowledged her guilt; but was, however,
surprised that I had penetrated her secret.
959 + Today I received a letter from Father Sopocko, who sent me greetings
for my feast day [February 15]. His greetings gave me joy, but his poor health
made me sad. I had known about this by interior intuition, but had not quite
believed it. But it seems to me that if he himself wrote that this was so, then the
other things about which he did not write are also true, and my interior
knowledge has not deceived me. He requested me to underline all that I know
does not come from me; that is to say, all that Jesus tells me which I hear in my
soul. [172] He has already asked me to do this several times, but I did not have
the time and, to tell the truth, I was in no hurry to do so. But how does he know
that I have not done this? I was very surprised; but now I am setting about this
work with all my heart. O my Jesus, Your representative's will is clearly Your
holy will, without a shadow of a doubt.
960 February 16, 1937. Today I entered a neighboring room by mistake and
so, for a while, I talked with the person who was there. When I returned to my
own room, I thought about that person for a few moments. Then suddenly,
Jesus stood by my side and said, My daughter, what are you thinking about right
now? Without thinking, I snuggled close to His heart, because I realized that I
had been thinking too much about creatures.
961 + This morning after completing my spiritual exercises, I began at once to
crochet. I sensed a stillness in my heart; I sensed that Jesus was resting in it.
That deep and sweet consciousness of God's presence prompted me to say to
the Lord, "O Most Holy Trinity dwelling in my heart, I beg You: grant the grace
of conversion to as many souls as the [number of] stitches that I will make today
with this crochet hook." Then I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, too
great are your demands. "Jesus, You know that for You it is easier to grant
much rather than a little." That is so, it is less difficult for Me to grant a soul much
rather than a little, but every conversion of a sinful soul demands sacrifice. "Well,
Jesus, I offer You this whole-hearted work of mine; this offering does not seem
to me to be too small for such a large number of souls; You know, Jesus, that
for thirty years You were saving souls by just this kind of work. And since holy
obedience forbids me to perform great penances and mortifications, therefore I
ask You, Lord: accept these mere nothings stamped with the seal of obedience
as great things." Then I heard a voice in my soul: My dear daughter, I comply
with your request.
962 + I often see a certain person dear to God. The Lord has great love for
him, not only because he is striving to spread the veneration of God's mercy, but
also because of the love he has for the Lord God, although he does not always
feel this love in his own heart and is almost always in Gethsemane. However,
this person is always pleasing to God, and his great patience will overcome all
difficulties.
963 + Oh, if only the suffering soul knew how it is loved by God, it would die of
joy and excess of happiness! Some day, we will know the value of suffering, but
then we will no longer be able to suffer. The present moment is ours.
964 February 17, 1937. This morning during Holy Mass, I saw the Suffering
Jesus, His Passion was imprinted on my body in an invisible manner, but no less
painfully.
965 Jesus looked at me and said, Souls perish in spite of My bitter Passion. I
am giving them the last hope of salvation; that is, the Feast of My Mercy. If they
will not adore My mercy, they will perish for all eternity. Secretary of My
mercy, write, tell souls about this great mercy of Mine, because the awful day,
the day of My justice, is near.
966 + Today, I heard in my soul these words: My daughter, it is time for you to
take action; I am with you. Great persecutions and sufferings are in store for
you, but be comforted by the thought that many souls will be saved and
sanctified by this work.
967 + When I set to work at underlining the Lord's words and thus was going
through everything in sequence, I reached the page where I had marked down
Father Andrasz's advice and directions. I did not know what to do, to underline
or not to underline, and then I heard these words in my soul: Underline, because
these words are Mine; I have borrowed the lips of the friend of My Heart in
order to speak to you and reassure you. You are to observe these directions
until your death. It would not please Me at all if you were to disobey these
directions. Know that it is I who have placed him between Myself and your
soul. I am doing this to set you at peace and so that you may not err.
968 Since I have placed you in this priest's special care, you are thus exempted
from giving a detailed account to your superiors concerning My relationship with
you. In all other matters, be as a child with your superiors, but whatever I do in
the depths of your soul is to be told, with all frankness, only to the priests. And I have noticed that, from the time God gave me a spiritual director, He has
not required me to report everything to the superiors, as was the case before,
but only that which concerns external matters; apart from this, only the director
knows my soul. To have a spiritual director is a special grace of God. Oh, how
few have received it! The soul remains in constant peace amidst the greatest
difficulties. Every day after Holy Communion, I thank the Lord Jesus for this
grace, and every day I ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten him. I have truly
experienced in my soul what power the director's words have. Blessed be
God's mercy for this grace!
969 +Today, I went to meditate before the Blessed Sacrament [in the
sanatorium chapel]. When I approached the altar, God's presence pervaded my
soul, I was plunged into the ocean of His divinity, and Jesus said to me, My
daughter, all that exists is yours. I answered the Lord, "My heart wants nothing
but You alone, O Treasure of my heart. For all the gifts You give me, thank you,
O Lord, but I desire only Your Heart. Though the heavens are immense, they
are nothing to me without You. You know very well, O Jesus, that I am
constantly swooning because of my longing for You." Know this, My daughter,
that you are already tasting now what other souls will obtain only in eternity.
970 And all of a sudden, my soul was flooded with the light of the knowledge of
God. Oh, would that I could express even a little of what my soul experiences
when resting near the Heart of the incomprehensible Majesty! I cannot put it into
words. Only a soul who has experienced such a grace at least once in his life,
will recognize it. When I returned to my room, it seemed to me that I was
coming from real life to death. When the doctor came to take my pulse, he was
surprised: "Sister, what happened? You have never had a pulse like this! I
would like to know what has speeded it up so much." What could I tell him,
when I myself did not know that my pulse was so rapid. I only know that I am
dying of yearning for God, but this I did not tell him, for how can medicine help
in this instance?
971 February 19, 1937. Contact with the dying. They ask me for prayer, and I
can pray, as the Lord grants me an extraordinary spirit of prayer. I am
constantly united with Him, and I am fully aware that I live for souls in order to
bring them to Your mercy, 0 Lord. In this matter, no sacrifice is too insignificant.
972 Today, the doctor decided that I am to stay here until April. It is God's will,
even though I did want to be back in the company of my sisters.
973 I learned today about the death of one of our sisters [173] who died in
Plock, but she visited me even before they told me about her death.
974 February 22, 1937. Today, there began in our chapel a retreat for the
hospital attendants, although anyone who wishes may take part in it. There is
one conference a day. Father Bonaventure [174] speaks for a whole hour, and
he speaks directly to souls. I took part in this retreat, as I very much desire to
know God more deeply and to love Him more ardently, for I have understood
that the greater the knowledge, the stronger the love.
975 Today I heard these words: Pray for souls that they be not afraid to
approach the tribunal of My mercy. Do not grow weary of praying for sinners.
You know what a burden their souls are to My Heart. Relieve My deathly
sorrow; dispense My mercy.
976 February 24, 1937. Today during Holy Mass, I saw the dying Jesus. The
sufferings of the Lord pierced my soul and body in an invisible manner. The pain
is enormous, though it lasts a very short time.
977 During the singing of the Lenten Lamentations, I am so taken up with His
Passion that I cannot withhold my tears. I would like to hide somewhere in
order to give myself freely to the sorrow which flows from the consideration of
His Passion.
978 When I was praying for the intention of Father Andrasz, I learned how very
pleasing he is to God. Since then, I have had even greater respect for him, as for
a saint. This has given me great joy, and I thank God fervently for it.
979 Today at Benediction, I saw Jesus, and He spoke these words to me: Be
obedient to your director in everything; his word is My will. Be certain in the
depths of your soul that it is I who am speaking through his lips, and I desire that
you reveal the state of your soul to him with the same simplicity and candor as
you have with Me. I say it again, My daughter: know that his word is My will for
you.
980 Today, I saw the Lord in great beauty, and He said to me, My loving host,
pray for priests, especially during this time of harvest. My Heart is pleased with
you, and for your sake I am blessing the earth.
981 I understood that these two years of interior suffering which I have
undergone in submission to God's will in order to know it better have advanced
me further in perfection than the previous ten years. For two years now, I have
been on the cross between heaven and earth. That is to say, I am bound by the
vow of obedience and must obey the superior as God himself. And on the other
hand, God makes His will known to me directly, and so my inner torture is so
great that no one will either understand or imagine these spiritual sufferings. It
seems to me that it would be easier to give up my life than to go again and again
through one hour of such pain. I am not even going to write much about this
matter, because one cannot describe what it is like to know God's will directly
and at the same time to be perfectly obedient to the divine will as expressed
indirectly through the superiors. Thanks be to God that He has given me a
director; otherwise, I would not have advanced one single step.
982 + I recently received a lovely letter from my dear seventeen-year-old sister
[Wanda [175]]. She is begging and entreating me to help her enter the convent.
She is ready for any sacrifices for God. I can tell from her letter that the Lord
himself is guiding her, and I rejoice in God's great mercy.
983 + Today, the Majesty of God enveloped and transpierced my soul to its
very depths. The greatness of God is pervading my being and flooding me so
that I am completely drowning in His greatness. I am dissolving and
disappearing entirely in Him as in my life-source, as in perfect life.
984 My Jesus, I understand well that my perfection consists not in the fact that
You command me to carry out these great works of Yours-Oh no!-the soul's
greatness does not consist in this, but in great love for You. O Jesus, in the
depths of my soul I understand that the greatest achievements cannot compare
with one act of pure love for You. I desire to be faithful to You and to do Your
bidding. I am making use of my strength and my reason to carry out all You are
asking of me, O Lord, but I have not the least shadow of attachment to all this. I
do it all because such is Your will. All my love is drowned, not in Your works,
but in You yourself, O my Creator and Lord!
985 February 25, 1937. I prayed earnestly for a happy death on behalf of a
certain soul who was suffering much. For two weeks, she had remained
between life and death. I was touched with pity for her and said to the Lord,
"Sweet Jesus, if the works I am undertaking for Your glory are pleasing to You,
then please take her to Yourself and let her rest in Your mercy." I was strangely
reassured; and, after a short while, they came to tell me that the person who had
been suffering so much had just died.
986 I saw a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] in need and prayed for
him until Jesus looked upon him with kindness and granted him His strength.
987 Today, I came to know that a member of my family is offending God and is
in great peril of death. This knowledge pierced my soul with such great pain that
I thought I would not survive that offense against God. I begged God's pardon,
but I saw His great anger.
988 I was praying for a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko], asking God
to help him in certain matters when I suddenly saw Jesus Crucified. His eyes
were closed, and He was immersed in torture. I worshiped His five wounds,
each one separately, and asked His blessing for him. Jesus gave me to know
interiorly how dear that soul was to Him, and I felt that grace was flowing from
Jesus' wounds upon that soul who, like Jesus, is also stretched upon the cross.
989 My Lord and my God, You know that it is You alone whom my soul has
come to love. My soul is entirely drowned in You, O Lord. Even if I did not
accomplish any of the things that You have made known to me, O Lord, I
would be completely at peace because I would have done what I could.
990 I know well, O Lord, that You have no need of our works; You demand
love. Love, love and once again, love of God-there is nothing greater in heaven
or on earth. The greatest greatness is to love God; true greatness is in loving
God; real wisdom is to love God. All that is great and beautiful is in God; there
is no beauty or greatness outside of Him. O you sages of the world and you
great minds, recognize that true greatness is in loving God! Oh, how astonished I
am that some people deceive themselves, saying: There is no eternity!
991 February 26, 1937. Today, I saw how the Holy Mysteries were being
celebrated without liturgical vestments and in private homes, because of a
passing storm; and I saw the sun come out from the Blessed Sacrament, and all
other lights went out, or rather, they were dimmed; and all the people were
looking toward this [one] light. But at the present time I do not understand the
meaning of this vision. [176]
992 + I am going forward through life amidst rainbows and storms, but with my
head held high with pride, for I am a royal child. I feel that the blood of Jesus is
circulating in my veins, and I have put my trust in the great mercy of the Lord.
993 + I asked the Lord to have a certain person come to visit me today so that
I could see her one more time, and that would be a sign for me that she was
being called to the convent which Jesus is having me establish. And, O wonder,
the person in question came, and I tried to form her a bit, spiritually. I began to
show her the way of self-denial and sacrifice, which she readily accepted.
However, I have placed this whole matter in the hands of the Lord, that He may
direct everything according to His good pleasure.
994 Today, when I heard the hymn, "Good night, Holy Head of My Jesus," on
the radio, my spirit was suddenly drowned in God, and divine love flooded my
soul; I dwelt for a moment with the heavenly Father.
995 + Although it is not easy to live in constant agony, To be nailed to the cross of various pains, Still, I am inflamed with love by loving, And like a Seraph I love God, though I am but weakness. Oh, great is the soul that, midst suffering, Stands faithfully by God and does His will And remains uncomforted midst great rainbows and storms, For God's pure love sweetens her fate. It is no great thing to love God in prosperity And thank Him when all goes well, But rather to adore Him midst great adversities And love Him for His own sake and place one's hope in Him. When the soul is in the shadows of Gethsemane, All alone in the bitterness of pain, It ascends toward the heights of Jesus, And though ever drinking bitterness-it is not sad. When the soul does the will of the Most High God, Even amidst constant pain and torments, Having pressed its lips to the chalice proferred, It becomes mighty, and nothing will daunt it. Though tortured, it repeats: Your will be done, Patiently awaiting the moment of its transfiguration, For, though in deepest darkness, it hears the voice of Jesus: You are Mine, And this it will know fully when the veil falls.
996 February 28, 1937. Today, I was undergoing the Passion of Jesus for a
longer time, and thus I saw that many souls were in need of prayer. I feel that I
am being completely transformed into prayer in order to beg God's mercy for
every soul. O my Jesus, I am receiving You into my heart as a pledge of mercy
for souls.
997 This evening, when I heard the hymn, "Good night, Holy Head of my
Jesus," on the radio, my spirit was suddenly swept away to God's mysterious
bosom, and I knew in what the greatness of a soul consists and what matters to
God: love, love, and once again, love. And 1 understood how all that exists is
saturated with God, and such a love of God inundated my soul that I am at a
loss to describe it. Happy the soul that knows how to love unreservedly, for in
this lies its greatness.
998 Today, I took part in a one-day retreat. When I was at the last conference,
[177] the priest was speaking of how much the world needs God's mercy, and
that this seems to be a special time when people have great need of prayer and
God's mercy. Then I heard a voice in my soul: These words are for you. Do all
you possibly can for this work of My mercy. I desire that My mercy be
worshiped, and I am giving mankind the last hope of salvation; that is, recourse
to My mercy. My Heart rejoices in this feast. After these words, I understood
that nothing can dispense me from the obligation which the Lord demands from
me.
999 Last night I was in such pain that I thought it was the end. The doctors
could not diagnose what the sickness was. I felt as if my entrails had been torn
to shreds, but after a few hours of such sufferings I am all right. All this is for
sinners. Let Your mercy descend upon them, O Lord.
1000 In the terrible desert of life, O my sweetest Jesus, Protect souls from disaster, For You are the Fountain of Mercy. Let the resplendence of Your rays, O sweet Commander of our souls, Let mercy change the world. And you who have received this grace, serve Jesus. Steep is the great highway I must travel, But I fear nothing, For the pure fount of mercy is flowing for my sake, And, with it, strength for the humble soul. I am exhausted and worn out, But my conscience bears me witness That I do all for the greater glory of the Lord, The Lord who is my repose and my heritage. [End of Notebook Two of the Diary.] Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 3
1001 + J.M.J. Thank You, O Lord, my Master, That You have transformed me entirely into Yourself, And accompany me through life's toils and labors; I fear nothing when I have You in my heart. + J. M. J.
1002 The Lord's Supper is laid, Jesus sits down at table with His Apostles, His Being all transformed into love, For such was the Holy Trinity's counsel. With great desire, I desire to eat with you, Before I suffer death. About to leave you, love holds Me in your midst. He sheds His Blood, gives His life, for He loves immensely. Love hides beneath the appearance of bread, Departing, He remains with us. Such self-abasement was not needed, Yet burning love hid Him under these species. Over the bread and wine He says these words: "This is My Blood, this is My Body." Although mysterious, these are words of love. Then He passes the Cup among His disciples. Jesus grew deeply troubled within And said, "One of you will betray his Master." They fell silent, with a silence as of the tomb, And John inclined his head on His breast. The supper is ended. Let us go to Gethsemane. Love is satisfied, And there the traitor is waiting. + J.M.J.
1003 O Divine Will, You are my nourishment, You are my delight. Hasten, O
Lord, the Feast of Mercy that souls may recognize the fountain of Your goodness. God and souls. Sister M. Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament. Cracow, March 1, 1937.
1004 O will of the Omnipotent God, You are my delight, You are my joy. Whatever the hand of my Lord holds out to me I will accept with gladness, submission and love. Your holy will is my repose; In it is contained all my sanctity, And all my eternal salvation, For doing God's will is the greatest glory. The will of God-those are His various wishes Which my soul carries out without reserve, Because such are His divine desires, In those moments when God shares His confidences with me. Do with me as You will, Lord. I place no obstacles, I make no reservations. For You are my whole delight and the love of my soul, And to You, in turn, I pour out the confidences of my heart. + J.M.J. Cracow, March 1, 1937. + Third Notebook God and Souls.
1005 Let the glory and praise to The Divine Mercy rise from every creature
throughout all ages and times.
1006 + O my Lord and God, You command me to write about the graces You
grant me. O my Jesus, were it not for a clear command from my
confessors,[178] that I am to write down what goes on in my soul, I would not,
of my own choice, write a single word. And so, if I do write about myself, it is at
the formal command of holy obedience.
1007 + Praise and glory be to You, O Holy Trinity, Eternal God. May the
mercy springing from Your very bowels protect us from Your just anger. Let the
praise of Your incomprehensible mercy resound everywhere. All Your works
bear the seal of Your unfathomable mercy, O God.
1008 March 1, 1937. The Lord gave me to know how displeased He is with a
talkative soul. I find no rest in such a soul. The constant din tires Me, and in the
midst of it the soul cannot discern My voice.
1009 Today I asked the Lord Jesus to let me meet with a certain person, and
this would be a sign for me that He is calling her to this convent [which I am to
found]. And I did meet her and understood that this soul has a vocation, and I
asked the Lord to deign to form her Himself. I have talked to her often about a
vocation; the Lord will do the rest.
1010 + March 5, 1937. Today, I experienced the Passion of the Lord Jesus in
my own body for a long while. The pain is very great, but all this is for the sake
of immortal souls.
1011 Today, the Lord visited me, pressed me to His Heart and said, Rest, My
little child. I am always with you.
1012 + March 8, 1937. Today, as I was praying for the intention of Father
Andrasz, I suddenly understood how intimately this soul communed with God
and how pleasing he was to the Lord. It gave me immense joy, because I desire
intensely that all souls be united with God as closely as possible.
1013 + During prayer today, my soul was overcome with such a strong desire
to begin the work, that I could not restrain my enthusiasm. Oh, how ardently I
desire that the souls in this Congregation present themselves before the throne of
God and continuously implore His incomprehensible mercy on behalf of the
whole world, praising and glorifying this unfathomable mercy of God. A
mysterious force is driving me to action.
1014 March 12, 1937. I saw the weariness of a certain priest [probably Father
Sopocko] for whom the Lord has traced out a hard and difficult road; but the
fruits of his work are alive. May God give us many such souls, capable of loving
Him in the midst of the greatest torments.
1015 + I felt today how greatly a certain dying soul desired prayers. I prayed
until I felt she had died. Oh, dying souls are in such great need of prayer! O
Jesus, inspire souls to pray often for the dying.
1016 March 15, 1937. Today, I entered into the bitterness of the Passion of the
Lord Jesus. I suffered in a purely spiritual way. I learned how horrible sin was.
God gave me to know the whole hideousness of sin. I learned in the depths of
my soul how horrible sin was, even the smallest sin, and how much it tormented
the soul of Jesus. I would rather suffer a thousand hells than commit even the
smallest venial sin.
1017 The Lord said to me, I want to give myself to souls and to fill them with
My love, but few there are who want to accept all the graces My love has
intended for them. My grace is not lost; if the soul for whom it was intended
does not accept it, another soul takes it.
1018 I frequently feel that certain persons are praying for me. I experience this
suddenly in my soul, but I do not always know which person is interceding for
me. I also know when some person has trouble because of something that has
to do with me; of this too I am inwardly aware, even though the distance [that
separates us] is very great. [179]
1019 March 18, 1937. I have come to know that I have received a certain
grace that brings me into great intimacy and communion with the Lord. He gives
me to know this by means of an interior light. He allows me to know His
greatness and holiness and how graciously He lowers himself to me. He gives
me an exclusive knowledge of His love for me, and of how He is Lord of
absolutely all things, and also of how He gives himself to a soul while suspending
all the laws of nature. He acts as He wills.
1020 I understand the spiritual espousal of a soul with God, which has no
exterior manifestation. It is a purely interior act between the soul and God. This
grace has drawn me into the very burning center of God's love. I have come to
understand His Trinitarian Quality and the absolute Oneness of His Being. This
grace is different from all other graces. It is so extremely spiritual that my
inaccurate description knows not how to express even a shade of it.
1021 + I have such a strong desire to hide myself that I would like to live as
though I did not exist. I feel a strange inner urge to hide myself as deeply as
possible so as to be known only to the Heart of Jesus. I want to be a quiet little
dwelling place for Jesus to rest in. I shall admit nothing that might awaken my
Beloved. My concealment gives me a chance to commune constantly and
exclusively with my Bridegroom. I commune with creatures in so far as it is
pleasing to Him. My heart has come to love the Lord with the full force of love,
and I know no other love, because it is from the beginning that my soul has sunk
deeply in the Lord as in its only treasure.
1022 + Although outwardly I meet with many sufferings and various adversities,
this does not, however, lessen my interior life for a moment nor disturb my inner
silence. I do not fear at all being abandoned by creatures because, even if all
abandoned me, I would not be alone, for the Lord is with me. And even if the
Lord were to hide, love will know how to find Him. For love knows no gates or
guards; even the keen-eyed Cherub himself, with his flaming sword, will not stop
love; it will work its way through wilderness and scorching heat, through storm,
thunder and darkness, and will reach the source from which it came, and there it
will endure forever. All things will come to an end; but love, never.
1023 + Today, I received some oranges. When the sister had left, I thought to
myself, "Should I eat the oranges instead of doing penance and mortifying myself
during Holy Lent? After all, I am feeling a bit better." Then I heard a voice in my
soul: My daughter, you please Me more by eating the oranges out of obedience
and love of Me than by fasting and mortifying yourself of your own will. A soul
that loves Me very much must, ought to live by My will. I know your heart, and
I know that it will not be satisfied by anything but My love alone.
1024 + I would not know how to live without the Lord. Jesus often visits me in
this seclusion, teaches me, reassures me, rebukes me, and admonishes me. He
himself forms my heart according to His divine wishes and likings, but always
with much goodness and mercy. Our hearts are fused as one.
1025 March 19, 1937. Today, I united myself inspirit with the Adoration that is
taking place in our house [40-hour adoration in Cracow], but my soul was full of
torments, and some strange kind of apprehension was piercing my heart.
Because of this, I redoubled my prayers. Suddenly I saw the gaze of God
reaching into the depths of my heart.
1026 As I sat down to a very tasty breakfast, I said to the Lord, "Thank you for
these gifts, but my heart is dying of longing for You, and nothing earthly is tasty
to me. I desire the food of Your love."
1027 Today I was drawn by some mysterious force to act. I must resist this
attraction, or else I would follow it at once.
1028 March 21, 1937. Palm Sunday. During Mass, my soul was steeped in the
bitterness and suffering of Jesus. Jesus gave me to understand how much He
had suffered in that triumphal procession. "Hosanna" was reverberating in Jesus'
heart as an echo of "Crucify." Jesus allowed me to feel this in a special way.
1029 The doctor did not allow me to go to the chapel to attend the Passion
Service, although I had a great desire for it; however, I prayed in my own room.
Suddenly I heard the bell in the next room, and I went in and rendered a service
to a seriously sick person. When I returned to my room, I suddenly saw the
Lord Jesus, who said, My daughter, you gave Me greater pleasure by rendering
Me that service than if you had prayed for a long time. I answered, "But it was
not to You, Jesus, but to that patient that I rendered this service." And the Lord
answered me, Yes, My daughter, but whatever you do for your neighbor, you
do for Me.
1030 + O my Jesus, give me wisdom, give me a mind great and enlightened by
Your light, and this only, that I may know You better, O Lord. For the better I
get to know You, the more ardently will I love You, the sole object of my love.
In You my soul drowns, in You my heart dissolves. I know not how to love
partially, but only with the full strength of my soul and the total ardor of my
heart. You yourself, O Lord, have enkindled this love of mine for You; in You
my heart has drowned forever.
1031 March 22, 1937. As I was talking, today, to a certain person, I
recognized that she was suffering greatly in spirit, although exteriorly she
pretended that she was very happy and was not suffering at all. I felt inspired to
tell her that what was troubling her was a temptation. When I disclosed to her
what was torturing her, she burst into tears and told me that she had come to
see me precisely to speak to me, because she felt that it would bring her relief.
The suffering was of such a kind that the soul was being attracted by God's
grace on the one hand and by the world on the other. She was going through a
terrible struggle that brought her to the point of weeping like a little child. But she
went away soothed and set at peace.
1032 + During Holy Mass, I saw the Lord Jesus nailed upon the cross amidst
great torments. A soft moan issued from His Heart. After some time, He said, I
thirst. I thirst for the salvation of souls. Help Me, My daughter, to save souls.
Join your sufferings to My Passion and offer them to the heavenly Father for sinners.
1033 + When I see that the burden is beyond my strength, I do not consider or
analyze it or probe into it, but I run like a child to the Heart of Jesus and say
only one word to Him: "You can do all things." And then I keep silent, because I
know that Jesus himself will intervene in the matter, and as for me, instead of
tormenting myself, I use that time to love Him.
1034 Monday of Holy Week. I asked the Lord to let me take part in His
Sorrowful Passion that I might experience in soul and body, to the extent that
this is possible for a creature, His bitter Passion. I asked to experience all the
bitterness, in so far as this was possible. And the Lord answered that He would
give me this grace, and that on Thursday, after Holy Communion, He would
grant this in a special way.
1035 + This evening, a certain young man was dying; he was suffering terribly.
For his intention, I began to say the chaplet which the Lord had taught me. I said
it all, but the agony continued. I wanted to start the Litany of the Saints, but
suddenly I heard the words, Say the chaplet. I understood that the soul needed
the special help of prayers and great mercy. And so I locked myself in my room
and fell prostrate before God and begged for mercy upon that soul. Then I felt
the great majesty of God and His great justice. I trembled with fear, but did not
stop begging the Lord's mercy for that soul. Then I took the cross off my breast,
the crucifix I had received when making my vows, [180] and I put it on the
chest of the dying man and said to the Lord, "Jesus, look on this soul with the
same love with which You looked on my holocaust on the day of my perpetual
vows, and by the power of the promise which You made to me in respect to the
dying and those who would invoke Your mercy on them, [grant this man the
grace of a happy death]." His suffering then ceased, and he died peacefully. Oh,
how much we should pray for the dying! Let us take advantage of mercy while
there is still time for mercy.
1036 + I realize more and more how much every soul needs God's mercy
throughout life and particularly at the hour of death. This chaplet mitigates God's
anger, as He himself told me.
1037 + I find myself so weak that were it not for Holy Communion I would fall
continually. One thing alone sustains me, and that is Holy Communion. From it I
draw my strength; in it is all my comfort. I fear life on days when I do not
receive Holy Communion. I fear my own self. Jesus concealed in the Host is
everything to me. From the tabernacle I draw strength, power, courage and
light. Here, I seek consolation in time of anguish. I would not know how to give
glory to God if I did not have the Eucharist in my heart.
1038 + My beloved native land, Poland, if you only knew how many sacrifices
and prayers I offer to God for you! But be watchful and give glory to God, who
lifts you up and singles you out in a special way. But know how to be grateful.
1039 + I suffer great pain at the sight of the sufferings of others. All these
sufferings are reflected in my heart. I carry their torments in my heart so that it
even wears me out physically. I would like all pains to fall upon me so as to
bring relief to my neighbor.
1040 Amid terrible torments, I fix my eyes on You, my God, and though a
storm is gathering over my head, I know that the sun is not extinguished. Nor do
I wonder at the deceitfulness of creatures, but I accept in advance whatever
may happen. My lips are silent, while my ears are satiated with derision. I strive
for silence in my heart amidst the greatest sufferings, and I protect myself against
all attacks with the shield of Your Name.
1041 An ardent desire for this Feast [181] is burning up my whole soul. In
fervent prayer for the hastening of the Feast I find some relief, and I have begun
a novena for the intention of certain priests that God may grant them light and
inspiration to apply for the promulgation of this Feast, and that the Spirit of God
inspire the Holy Father regarding the entire matter. The novena consists of an hour of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. I
have implored God to hasten this Feast and have asked the Holy Spirit to
inspire certain people regarding this whole matter. I am finishing this novena on
Holy Thursday.
1042 + March 23, 1937. Today is the seventh day of the novena. I have
received a great and inconceivable grace: the Most Merciful Jesus has promised
that I will be present at the celebration of this solemn Feast.
1043 This day, the 23rd, that is, Tuesday of Holy Week, is a day on which the
Lord has granted me many graces.
1044 Suddenly, God's presence took hold of me, and at once I saw myself in
Rome, in the Holy Father's chapel and at the same time I was in our chapel.
And the celebration of the Holy Father and the entire Church was closely
connected with our chapel and, in a very special way, with our Congregation.
And I took part in the solemn celebration simultaneously here and in Rome, for
the celebration was so closely connected with Rome that, even as I write, I
cannot distinguish the two but I am writing it down as I saw it. I saw the Lord
Jesus in our chapel, exposed in the monstrance on the high altar. The chapel was
adorned as for a feast, and on that day anyone who wanted to come was
allowed in. [182] The crowd was so enormous that the eye could not take it all
in. Everyone was participating in the celebrations with great joy, and many of
them obtained what they desired. The same celebration was held in Rome, in a
beautiful church, and the Holy Father, with all the clergy, was celebrating this
Feast, and then suddenly I saw Saint Peter, who stood between the altar and
the Holy Father. I could not hear what Saint Peter said but I saw that the Holy
Father understood his words....
1045 Then some clergymen whom I did not know began to examine me and to
humiliate me,[183] or rather, what I had written; but I saw how Jesus himself
was defending me and giving them to understand what they did not know.
1046 Then suddenly, I saw how the two rays, as painted in the image, issued
from the Host and spread over the whole world. This lasted only a moment, but
it seemed as though it had lasted all day, and our chapel was overcrowded all
day long, and the whole day abounded in joy.
1047 Then suddenly I saw on our altar the living Lord Jesus, just as He is
depicted in the image. Yet I felt that the sisters and all the people did not see the
Lord Jesus as I saw Him. Jesus looked with great kindness and joy at the Holy
Father, at certain priests, at the entire clergy, at the people and at our Congregation.
1048 Then, in an instant, I was caught up to stand near Jesus, and I stood on
the altar next to the Lord Jesus, and my spirit was filled with a happiness so
great that I am unable to comprehend it or write about it. A profound peace as
well as repose filled my soul. Jesus bent toward me and said with great
kindness, What is it you desire, My daughter? And I answered, "I desire
worship and glory be given to Your mercy." I already am receiving worship by
the institution and celebration of this Feast; what else do you desire? I then
looked at the immense crowd worshiping The Divine Mercy and I said to the
Lord, "Jesus, bless all those who are gathered to give glory to You and to
venerate Your infinite mercy." Jesus made a sign of the cross with His hand, and
this blessing was reflected in the souls like a flash of light. My spirit was engulfed
in His love. I felt as if I had dissolved and disappeared completely in God.
When I came to myself, a profound peace was flooding my soul, and an
extraordinary understanding of many things was communicated to my intellect,
an understanding that had not been granted me previously.
1049 I am immensely happy, although I am the least of all; and I would not
change anything of what God has given me. I would not want to change places
even with a Seraph, as regards the interior knowledge of God which He himself
has given me. The intimate knowledge I have of the Lord is such as no creature
can comprehend, particularly, the depth of His mercy that envelops me. I am
happy with everything You give me.
1050 March 24, 1937. Wednesday of Holy Week. My heart is languishing for
God. I desire to become united with Him. A faint fear pierces my soul and at the
same time a kind of flame of love sets my heart on fire. Love and suffering are
united in my heart. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 3
1051 I have felt great sufferings in my body, but I feel the Lord is upholding me,
for otherwise I would not be able to bear it.
1052 O my Jesus, I beg You on behalf of the whole Church: Grant it love and
the light of Your Spirit, and give power to the words of priests so that hardened
hearts might be brought to repentance and return to You, O Lord. Lord, give us
holy priests; You yourself maintain them in holiness. O Divine and Great High
Priest, may the power of Your mercy accompany them everywhere and protect
them from the devil's traps and snares which are continually being set for the
souls of priests. May the power of Your mercy, O Lord, shatter and bring to
naught all that might tarnish the sanctity of priests, for You can do all things.
1053 March 25, 1937. Holy Thursday. During Holy Mass, I saw the Lord, who
said to me, Lean your head on My breast and rest. The Lord pressed me to His
Heart and said, I shall give you a small portion of My Passion, but do not be
afraid, be brave; do not seek relief, but accept everything with submission to My
will.
1054 When Jesus was taking leave of me, such great pain filled my soul that it is
impossible to express it. Physical strength left me; I left the chapel quickly and
went to bed. I was oblivious of what was going on around me. My soul was
filled with longing for the Lord, and all the bitterness of His Divine Heart was
imparted to me. This lasted for about three hours. I asked the Lord to protect
me from the eyes of those around me. Although I wanted to, I could not take
any food all day, until evening. I earnestly desired to spend the whole night with Jesus in the dark prison cell.
[184] I prayed until eleven o'clock. At eleven, the Lord said to me, Lie down
and take your rest. I have let you experience in three hours what I suffered
during the whole night. And immediately I went to bed. I had no physical strength left; the suffering had deprived me of it completely.
Throughout all this time, I had been in a sort of swoon. Every beat of Jesus'
Heart was reflected in my heart and pierced my soul. If these tortures had
concerned me only, I would have suffered less; but as I looked at the One
whom my heart has loved with all its might and saw that He was suffering, and
that I could not bring Him any relief, my heart dissolved in love and bitterness. I
was dying with Him, and yet I could not die. But I would not have exchanged
that martyrdom for all the pleasures in the whole world. In the course of this
suffering, my love grew immeasurably. I know that the Lord was supporting me
with His omnipotence, for otherwise I would not have been able to endure it for
even a moment. Together with Him, I underwent, in a special way, all the
various tortures. The world still has no idea of all that Jesus suffered. I
accompanied Him to the Garden of Gethsemane; I stayed with Him in the
prison; I went with Him before the judges; I underwent with Him each of the
tortures. Not a single one of His movements or looks escaped my notice. I
came to know all the omnipotence of His love and of His mercy toward souls.
1055 March 26, 1937. Friday. In the morning, I at once felt the torture of His
five wounds in my body. This suffering continued until three o'clock. Although
there is no outward sign of it, the torture is no less painful. I am glad that Jesus is
protecting me from people's eyes.
1056 At eleven o'clock Jesus said to me, My host, you are refreshment for My
tormented Heart. I thought, after these words, that my heart would burn up.
And He brought me into such close intimacy with Himself that my heart was
espoused to His Heart in a loving union, and I could feel the faintest stir of His
Heart and He, of mine. The fire of my created love was joined to the ardor of
His eternal love. This one grace surpasses all others in its immensity. His
Trinitarian Being enveloped me entirely, and I am totally immersed in Him. My
littleness is, as it were, wrestling with this Immortal Mighty One. I am immersed
in incomprehensible love and incomprehensible torture because of His Passion.
All that concerns His Being is imparted to me also.
1057 Up to now, Jesus has been bringing me to know about, and to have a
presentiment of, this grace, but today He granted it to me. I would not even dare
to dream about it. My heart is in ceaseless ecstasy, as it were, although
outwardly nothing disturbs my contacts with my neighbor or my attending to
various matters. Nothing is capable of interrupting my ecstasy, nor can anyone
suspect it, because I have asked God to protect me from detection by people.
And, together with this grace, there entered my soul a whole ocean of light,
enabling me to understand God and myself. Amazement overwhelms me entirely
and leads me as if into a new ecstasy [aroused by the fact] that God has deigned
to descend to me, who am so little.
1058 + At three o'clock, I prayed prostrate, in the form of a cross, for the
whole world. Jesus' mortal life was coming to an end. I heard His seven words;
then He looked at me and said, Beloved daughter of My Heart, you are My
solace amidst terrible torments.
1059 Jesus is commanding me to make a novena before the Feast of Mercy,
and today I am to begin it for the conversion of the whole world and for the
recognition of The Divine Mercy... so that every soul will praise My goodness. I
desire trust from My creatures. Encourage souls to place great trust in My
fathomless mercy. Let the weak, sinful soul have no fear to approach Me, for
even if it had more sins than there are grains of sand in the world, all would be
drowned in the unmeasurable depths of My mercy.
1060 When Jesus had given up His last breath, my soul dissolved from the pain,
and for a long time I could not come to myself. I found some relief in tears. The
One whom my heart had come to love has died. Will anyone understand my
grief?
1061 In the evening, over the radio, I heard hymns; that is, psalms, sung by
priests. [185] I burst into tears, and all of the pain was renewed in my soul, and
I wept sorrowfully, unable to find appeasement in this pain. Then I heard a voice
in my soul: Do not cry; I am not suffering any more. And for the faithfulness with
which you accompanied Me in My sufferings and death, your own death will be
a solemn one, and I will accompany you in that last hour. Beloved pearl of My
Heart, I see your love so pure, purer than that of the angels, and all the more so
because you keep fighting. For your sake I bless the world. I see your efforts to
please Me, and they delight My Heart. After these words, I wept no more, but thanked the heavenly Father for having
sent us His Son and for the work of the Redemption of mankind.
1062 + I made an hour of adoration in thanksgiving for the graces which had
been granted me and for my illness. Illness also is a great grace. I have been ill
for four months, but I do not recall having wasted so much as a minute of it. All
has been for God and souls; I want to be faithful to Him everywhere. During this adoration, I realized the utter care and goodness that Jesus has been
lavishing upon me and the protection He has given me against all evil. I thank
You especially, Jesus, for visiting me in my solitude, and I thank You also for
inspiring my superiors to send me for this treatment. Give them, Jesus, the
omnipotence of Your blessing and compensate them for all the losses incurred
because of me.
1063 Today, Jesus is bidding me to comfort and reassure a certain soul who has
opened herself to me and told me about her difficulties. This soul is pleasing to
the Lord, but she is not aware of it. God is keeping her in deep humility. I have
carried out the Lord's directives.
1064 + O my most sweet Master, good Jesus, I give You my heart. You shape
and mold it after Your liking. O fathomless love, I open the calyx of my heart to
You, like a rosebud to the freshness of dew. To You alone, my Betrothed, is
known the fragrance of the flower of my heart. Let the fragrance of my sacrifice
be pleasing to You. O Immortal God, my everlasting delight, already here on
earth You are my heaven. May every beat of my heart be a new hymn of praise
to You, O Holy Trinity! Had I as many hearts as there are drops of water in the
ocean or grains of sand in the whole world, I would offer them all to You, O my
Love, O Treasure of my heart! Whomever I shall meet in my life, no matter who
they may be, I want to draw them all to love You, O my Jesus, my Beauty, my
Repose, my sole Master, Judge, Savior and Spouse, all in one; I know that one
title will modify the other-I have entrusted everything to Your mercy.
1065 + My Jesus, support me when difficult and stormy days come, days of
testing, days of ordeal, when suffering and fatigue begin to oppress my body and
my soul. Sustain me, Jesus, and give me strength to bear suffering. Set a guard
upon my lips that they may address no word of complaint to creatures. Your
most merciful Heart is all my hope. I have nothing for my defense but only Your
mercy; in it lies all my trust.
1066 March 27, 1937. Today, I returned from Pradnik, after nearly four
months of treatment. For everything, I give great thanks to God. I have made
use of every moment to glorify God. When I went into the chapel for a moment,
I realized how much I would have to suffer and struggle, with regard to this
whole matter. O Jesus, my strength, You alone can help me; grant me fortitude.
1067 March 28. Resurrection. During the Mass of Resurrection, I saw the Lord
in beauty and splendor, and He said to me, My daughter, peace be with you.
He blessed me and disappeared, and my soul was filled with gladness and joy
beyond words. My heart was fortified for struggle and sufferings.
1068 Today, I had a conversation with Father [Andrasz] and he recommended
great caution in the matter of these sudden appearances of the Lord Jesus.
When he was speaking about divine mercy, some sort of strength and power
entered my heart. My God, I want so much to express everything and am so
very unable to do so. Father tells me that the Lord Jesus is very generous in
communicating himself to souls and, on the other hand, He is, so to speak,
stingy. "Although God's generosity is very great," said Father, "be careful
anyway, because these sudden appearances arouse suspicion; although,
personally, I do not see anything wrong here, or anything contrary to faith. Be a
little more careful, and when Mother Superior comes, you can talk to her about
these things."
1069 March 29, 1937. During meditation today, I saw the Lord in great beauty,
and He said to me, Peace be to you, My daughter. My whole soul trembled
with love for Him and I said, "O Lord, although I love You with all my heart,
please do not appear to me, because my spiritual director has told me that these
sudden appearances of Yours arouse the suspicion that You could be an
illusion. And although I love You more than my own life, and I know that You
are my Lord and God, who are communing with me, I must above all be
obedient to my confessor." Jesus listened to my words with gravity and kindness and spoke these words to
me: Tell your confessor that I commune with your soul in such an intimate
manner because you do not steal My gifts, and this is why I pour all these graces
upon your soul, because I know that you will not hoard them for yourself. But as
a sign that his prudence is agreeable to Me, you shall not see Me, and I will not
appear to you in this way until you have given him an account of what I have just
said.
1070 + April 2, 1937. In the morning, during Mass, I heard these words: Tell
the superior that I want adoration to take place here for the intention of
imploring mercy for the world.
1071 O my Jesus, You alone know what my heart is going through. O my
Strength, You can do all things, and though I expose myself to great sufferings, I
shall always remain faithful to You because I am sustained by Your singular
grace.
1072 + April 3, 1937. Today, the Lord said to me, Tell the Reverend Professor
[probably Father Theodore [186] ] that I desire that on the Feast of My Mercy
he deliver a sermon about My fathomless mercy. I fulfilled God's wish, but the
priest did not want to acknowledge the Lord's message. When I left the
confessional, I heard these words: Do as I tell you and be at peace; this matter
is between him and Me. You will not be held responsible for this.
1073 April 4, 1937. Low Sunday; that is, the Feast of Mercy. In the morning,
after Holy Communion, my soul was immersed in the Godhead. I was united to
the Three Divine Persons in such a way that when I was united to Jesus, I was
simultaneously united to the Father and to the Holy Spirit. My soul was flooded
with joy beyond understanding, and the Lord gave me to experience the whole
ocean and abyss of His fathomless mercy. Oh, if only souls would want to
understand how much God loves them! All comparisons, even if they were the
most tender and the most vehement, are but a mere shadow when set against
the reality. When I was united to the Lord, I came to know how many souls are glorifying
God's mercy.
1074 When I went for adoration, I heard these words: My beloved daughter,
write down these words, that today My Heart has rested in this convent [the
Cracow house]. Tell the world about My mercy and My love. The flames of mercy are burning me. I desire to pour them out upon human
souls. Oh, what pain they cause Me when they do not want to accept them! My daughter, do whatever is within your power to spread devotion to My
mercy. I will make up for what you lack. Tell aching mankind to snuggle close to
My merciful Heart, and I will fill it -with peace. Tell [all people], My daughter, that I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul
approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot
contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls.
1075 Souls who spread the honor of My mercy I shield through their entire lives
as a tender mother her infant, and at the hour of death I will not be a Judge for
them, but the Merciful Savior. At that last hour, a soul has nothing with which to
defend itself except My mercy. Happy is the soul that during its lifetime
immersed itself in the Fountain of Mercy, because justice will have no hold on it.
1076 Write this: Everything that exists is enclosed in the bowels of My mercy,
more deeply than an infant in its mother's womb. How painfully distrust of My
goodness wounds Me! Sins of distrust wound Me most painfully.
1077 During Holy Mass, the Directress of Novices [Sister Callista [187] ]
played a beautiful hymn about the mercy of God. I then asked the Lord to give
her a deeper knowledge of the abyss of this inconceivable mercy.
1078 + When I was saying good night to the Lord before retiring, I heard the
words, Host, dear to My Heart, for your sake I bless the earth.
1079 April 7, 1937. Today, when a certain person entered the chapel, I felt a
terrible pain in my hands, my feet and my side, just as Jesus did during His
Passion. This lasted only for a brief moment. But in this way I recognized a soul
who was not in God's grace.
1080 On one occasion I saw the Holy Father reflecting about this matter
[presumably the establishment of the Feast of The Divine Mercy].
1081 April 10, 1937. Today, Mother Superior gave me an article about The
Divine Mercy to read, and with it there was also a reproduction of the image
that had been painted. The article appeared in the Vilnius Weekly [188] and
was sent to us in Cracow by Father Michael Sopocko, that zealous apostle of
The Divine Mercy. In this article are included words that the Lord Jesus has
spoken to me, some of them quoted verbatim.
1082 When I took the issue of the Weekly into my hands, an arrow of love
pierced my soul. - For the sake of your ardent desires, I am hastening the Feast
of Mercy. My spirit burst into such a powerful flame of love that it seemed to
me that I was totally dissolved in God.
1083 + That beautiful soul who is spreading this work of divine mercy
throughout the world is, by his deep humility, very pleasing to God.
1084 Before every major grace, my soul undergoes a test of patience, for I feel
the grace, but do not yet possess it. My spirit burns with impatience, but the
hour has not yet come. These moments are so very extraordinary that it is
difficult to describe them.
1085 April 13, 1937. Today I must stay in bed all day. I had a violent fit of
coughing, which left me so weak that I have no strength to walk. My spirit is
eager to do God's work, but physical strength has left me. I cannot penetrate
Your actions at this moment, O Lord; therefore, I keep repeating with a loving
act of the will: do with me as You please.
1086 Although the temptations are strong, a whole wave of doubts beats against
my soul, and discouragement stands by, ready to enter into the act, the Lord,
however, strengthens my will, against which all the attempts of the enemy are
shattered as if against a rock. I see how many actual graces God grants me;
these support me ceaselessly. I am very weak, and I attribute everything solely
to the grace of God.
1087 + When one day I resolved to practice a certain virtue, I lapsed into the
vice opposed to that virtue ten times more frequently than on other days. In the
evening, I was reflecting on why, today, I had lapsed so extraordinarily, and I
heard the words: You were counting too much on yourself and too little on Me.
And I understood the cause of my lapses.
1088 Sudden return of health. After I had written a letter to Father Sopocko on Sunday, April 11, I suddenly
became so very ill that I did not send that letter, but waited for a clear sign of
God's will. However, my health got so bad that I had to go to bed. The
coughing racked me so much that it seemed to me that, if this repeats a few
more times, it will surely be the end of me.
1089 On April 14, I felt so bad that I barely managed to get up to assist at Holy
Mass. I felt much worse than I did at the time they sent me for treatment. There
was wheezing, and there were rattling noises in my lungs and strange pains.
When I received Holy Communion, I don't know why, but it was as if something
were urging me to this prayer, and I began to pray in this manner: "Jesus, may
Your pure and healthy blood circulate in my ailing organism, and may Your pure
and healthy body transform my weak body, and may a healthy and vigorous life
throb within me, if it is truly Your holy will that I should set about the work in
question; and this will be a clear sign of Your holy will for me." As I was praying in this way, I suddenly felt as if something were jolting my
whole organism and, in an instant, I felt completely well. My breath is clear, as if
there had never been anything the matter with my lungs, and I feel no pain, and
this is a sign for me that I should set about the work.
1090 And this happened on the last day of my novena to the Holy Spirit. After
this return to health, I found myself united with the Lord Jesus in a purely
spiritual way. Jesus gave me strong assurances; that is, He confirmed me in
respect to His demands. I remained close to the Lord Jesus all that day and
talked with Him about the details concerning that congregation. Jesus infused my soul with power and courage to act. Now I understand that if
the Lord demands something of a soul, He gives it the means to carry it out, and
through grace He makes it capable of doing this. So, even if the soul be utterly
miserable, at the Lord's command it can undertake things beyond its
expectation, because this is the sign by which it can be known that the Lord is
with that soul: if God's power and strength, which make the soul courageous and
valiant, is manifest within it. As for myself, I am always at first a bit frightened at
the Lord's greatness, but afterwards my soul is filled with profound peace which
nothing can disturb, as well as an inner strength to do what the Lord is
demanding at that particular moment....
1091 Then I heard these words: Go tell the superior that you are in good health. I neither know, nor ask how long I will remain in good health. I only know that I
am enjoying good health at present. The future does not belong to me. I asked
for this health as evidence of God's will and not in order to seek relief from my
suffering.
1092 April 16, 1937. Today, as God's Majesty swept over me, my soul
understood that the Lord, so very great though He is, delights in humble souls.
The more a soul humbles itself, the greater the kindness with which the Lord
approaches it. Uniting himself closely with it, He raises it to His very throne.
Happy is the soul whom the Lord himself defends. I have come to know that
only love is of any value; love is greatness; nothing, no works, can compare with
a single act of pure love of God.
1093 + O Jesus, shield me with Your mercy and also judge me leniently, or else
Your justice may rightly damn me.
1094 April 17. Today, during a catechetical lecture [by Father Theodore [189]
], I was given a confirmation of what I had understood interiorly and lived by for
quite some time; namely, that if a soul loves God sincerely and is intimately
united with Him, then, even though such it soul may be living in the midst of
difficult external circumstances, nothing can disturb its interior life; and in the
midst of corruption, it can remain pure and unsullied; because the great love of
God gives it strength for battle, and God also protects in a special way, even in
a miraculous way, a soul that loves Him sincerely.
1095 When, one day, God gave me the inner knowledge that I had never lost
my innocence, and that despite all dangers in which I had found myself, He
himself had been guarding me so that the virginity of my soul and heart would
remain intact, I spent the day in fervent interior thanksgiving. I thanked God that
He had bee pleased to protect me from evil, and also for this: that I had found
favor in His eyes, that He himself had given me assurance of this.
1096 And a few years later, He deigned to confirm me in this grace, and since
that time I have not experienced the rebellion of the senses against the soul. I
have written this down in greater detail elsewhere in my diary [cf. paragraph no.
40]. As often as I recall this inconceivable grace, a fresh flame of love and
gratitude to God bursts forth from my heart; and this same love leads me to
complete forgetfulness of self.
1097 Since that time, I have been living under the virginal ', cloak of the Mother
of God. She has been guarding me and instructing me. I am quite at peace, close
to Her Immaculate Heart. Because I am so weak and inexperienced, I nestle
like a little child close to Her heart.
1098 Although God has confirmed me in this virtue, I am, however, constantly
on the watch and fear even my own shadow, but this only because I have come
to love God intensely.
1099 This grace from God was given to me precisely because I was the
weakest of all people; this is why the Almighty has surrounded me with His
special mercy.
1100 April 24. I can sense every major grace in advance; a strange longing and
desire for God comes over me, and then I wait for the grace. And the greater
the grace, the more distinct is the presentiment, and the fiercer is my struggle
with the adversary of my salvation. My soul is sometimes in such a condition that I can only describe it by means of
a comparison: there are two great friends, and one of them is giving a great feast
and has invited the other; both of them are looking forward to it; but the hour of
the feast has been set. Well, the moments just before receiving the grace are so
violent that it is difficult to describe them. They are marked by painful longing
and the fire of love. I can feel the Lord is there, but I cannot be completely
absorbed in Him, because the hour has been designated. Often, before such a
moment of grace, I am utterly destitute in mind, will and heart. I am left all alone,
and I wait for the One God. He himself effects this in me before His coming.
April 23, 1937. I have begun a three-day retreat today. [190] Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 3
1101 In the evening, I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, know that I
shall speak to you in a special way through this priest [Father Plaza [191]] so
that you may not yield to doubt concerning My wishes. Already in the first
meditation my soul was struck by the following words of the priest: I must not
oppose God's will and God's designs, whatever they might be; and as soon as 1
am convinced of the certitude and the authenticity of the will of God, I have the
duty of carrying it out. No one can release me from this. Whatever the will of
God may be, once I have come to know it, I ought to carry it out. This is just a
very short summary, but the whole meditation imprinted itself on my soul, and I
have no doubts about anything. I know what God wants of me, and what I
ought to do.
1102 There are, in my life, times and moments of spiritual insight; that is, divine
illuminations, when the soul receives inward instruction about things it has not
read in any book and has not been taught by any person. These are times of
great inner knowledge which God himself imparts to the soul. These are great
mysteries.... I often receive light and the knowledge of the interior life of God
and of God's intimate disposition, and this fills me with unutterable trust and a
joy that I cannot contain within myself; I desire to dissolve completely in Him....
1103 + The quintessence of love is sacrifice and suffering. Truth wears a crown
of thorns. Prayer involves the intellect, the will, and the emotions.
1104 Today there was a beautiful teaching [by Father Plaza on the goodness
and mercy of God. During this conference my soul experienced the flames of
God's love, and I understood that God's word is a living word.
1105 My particular examen is still the same; namely, union with the merciful
Christ, and silence. The flower which I lay at the feet of the Mother of God for
May is my practice of silence.
1106 + Virtue without prudence is not virtue at all. We should often pray to the
Holy Spirit for this grace of prudence. Prudence consists in discretion, rational
reflection and courageous resolution. The final decision is always up to us. We
must decide; we can and we ought to seek advice and light...
1107 Today during meditation, God gave me inner light and the understanding
as to what sanctity is and of what it consists. Although I have heard these things
many times in conferences, the soul understands them in a different way when it
comes to know of them through the light of God which illumines it. Neither graces, nor revelations, nor raptures, nor gifts granted to a soul make it
perfect, but rather the intimate union of the soul with God. These gifts are merely
ornaments of the soul, but constitute neither its essence nor its perfection. My
sanctity and perfection consist in the close union of my will with the will of God.
God never violates our free will. It is up to us whether we want to receive God's
grace or not. It is up to us whether we will cooperate with it or waste it.
1108 In the last evening conference, which was a preparation for the renewal of
vows, Father was speaking about the happiness that flows from the three vows,
and about the reward that comes from observing them faithfully. Suddenly, my
soul was thrown into great interior darkness. My soul was filled with bitterness
instead of joy, and my heart was pierced with a sharp pain. I felt so miserable
and unworthy of this grace and, conscious of my misery and unworthiness, I
would not have dared to so much as approach the feet of the youngest postulant
to kiss them. I saw the postulants, in spirit, beautiful and pleasing to the Lord;
and myself, an abyss of misery. After the conference, I flung myself at the feet of
the hidden God, midst tears and pain. I threw myself into the sea of God's
infinite mercy, and only there did I experience relief and feel that all of His
omnipotent mercy was enveloping me.
1109 + 30. This is the day for the renewal of vows. Immediately upon my awakening, God's presence enveloped me, and I felt I
was a child of God. Divine love was poured into my soul, and God gave me to
see how everything depended on His will. He spoke these words to me: I want
to grant a complete pardon to the souls that will go to Confession and receive
Holy Communion on the Feast of My mercy. Then He said to me, My daughter,
fear nothing. I am always with you, even if it seems to you that I am not. Your
humility draws Me down from My lofty throne, and I unite myself closely with
you.
1110 29 [April 1937]. The Lord gave me to know about the disputes [192] that
were going on in the Vatican concerning this Feast. The dignitary Pacelli did
much work on this.
1111 Today is the renewal; that is, the profession of vows [193] in the course of
a solemn celebration. As the sisters were making their vows, I heard angels
singing in various tones, "Holy, Holy, Holy," with chanting so delightful that no
human tongue could ever match it.
1112 In the afternoon, I talked with my beloved Mother Directress of Novices,
Mother Mary Joseph. We walked once around the garden, and I was able to
have a talk with her, although it was a rather general one. She is ever the same
beloved Mother Directress of Novices, although she is in fact no longer the
directress, but a Superior, and it is already ten years since I pronounced my
vows. She told me that it is impossible for a religious to live without the cross.
However, she revealed to me a certain suffering which I had experienced in
Warsaw, although I had never told her about it. All the graces which I had
received during the novitiate came back vividly before the eyes of my soul. Oh,
how grateful I am to her! When my soul was plunged in darkness, and it seemed
to me that I was damned, she wrenched me from that abyss by the power of
obedience.
1113 My soul is often burdened with suffering, and there is no human being who
can understand these torments.
1114 May 1, 1937. Today I felt the nearness of my Mother, my heavenly
Mother, although before every Holy Communion I earnestly ask the Mother of
God to help me prepare my soul for the coming of Her Son, and I clearly feel
Her protection over me. I entreat Her to be so gracious as to enkindle in me the
fire of God's love, such as burned in Her own pure heart at the time of the
Incarnation of the Word of God.
1115 May 4. Today I went to see Mother General [Michael] for a moment and
asked her, "Dear Mother, have you had any inspiration regarding my leaving the
convent?" Mother General answered, "Until the present, Sister, I have always
restrained you, but now I leave you complete freedom to choose to do as you
wish; you can leave the Congregation or you can stay." So I answered, "Very
well." I thought of writing immediately to the Holy Father to ask him to release
me from my vows. [194] When I had left Mother General, darkness once again
descended upon my soul, as it had in the past. It is strange that, each time I ask
permission to leave the Congregation, this darkness invades my soul, and I feel
as though I have been left completely on my own. While experiencing this
torment of the spirit, I decided to go immediately to Mother and tell her about
my strange torment and struggle. Mother answered, "That leaving of yours is a
temptation." After talking to her for a while I felt some relief, but the darkness
persisted. "This Divine Mercy is a beautiful thing, and it must be a great work of
the Lord, since Satan opposes it so much and wants to destroy it." Such were
the words of our beloved Mother General.
1116 No one can understand or comprehend, nor can I myself describe, my
torments. But there can be no sufferings greater than this. The sufferings of the
martyrs are not greater because, at such times, death would be a relief for me.
There is nothing to which I can compare these sufferings, this endless agony of
the soul.
1117 May 5, [1937]. Today, I opened up my soul somewhat in confession,
because it occurred to me that perhaps this is the real temptation: that at the time
I ask to be allowed to leave the Congregation I experience such great suffering
and darkness. To this the confessor replied that perhaps it was not the time
appointed by God. "You must pray and wait patiently, but it is true that great
sufferings are in store for you. You will have to bear many sufferings and
overcome many difficulties; that much is certain. It would be better to wait and
to pray much for deeper knowledge and for divine light. These are grave
matters."
1118 My God! In these difficult moments my spiritual director [Father Andrasz]
is away, for he has gone to Rome. Jesus, since You have taken him away from
me, guide me Yourself, because You alone know how much I can bear. I
believe firmly that God cannot give me more than I can bear. I trust in His
mercy.
1119 In the moments when I am between heaven and earth, I keep silent,
because even if I did speak, who would understand what I say? Eternity will
reveal many things about which I am now silent...
1120 When I went out into the garden, I saw how everything was breathing the
joy of spring. The trees, adorned with flowers, gave off an intoxicating odor.
Everything was throbbing with joy, and the birds were singing and chirping their
adoration of God and said to me, "Rejoice and be happy, Sister Faustina"; but
my soul remains in torment and darkness. My soul is so sensitive to the rustle of
grace [that] it knows how to talk with all created things and with everything that
surrounds me, and I know why God has adorned the earth in this way... But my
heart cannot be joyful because my Beloved has hidden Himself from me, and I
will not rest until I find Him... I do not know how to live without God, but I also
feel that God, absolutely self-sufficient though He is, cannot be happy without
me...
1121 May 6, [1937]. The Ascension of Our Lord. Since early this morning, my soul has been touched by God. After Holy
Communion, I communed for a while with the heavenly Father. My soul was
drawn into the glowing center of love. I understood that no exterior works could
stand comparison with pure love of God... I saw the joy of the Incarnate Word,
and I was immersed in the Divine Trinity. When I came to myself, longing filled
my soul, and I yearned to be united with God. Such tremendous love for the
heavenly Father enveloped me that I call this day an uninterrupted ecstasy of
love. The whole universe seemed to me like a tiny drop in comparison with
God. There is no greater happiness than when God gives me to know interiorly
that every beat of my heart is pleasing to Him, and when He shows me that He
loves me in a special way. This strong inner conviction, by which God assures
me of His love for me and of how much my soul pleases Him, brings deep
peace to my soul. Throughout this day I was unable to take any food; I felt
gratified to the full with love.
1122 God of great mercy, who deigned to send us Your only begotten Son as
the greatest proof of Your fathomless love and mercy, You do not reject
sinners; but in Your boundless mercy You have opened for them also Your
treasures, treasures from which they can draw abundantly, not only justification,
but also all the sanctity that a soul can attain. Father of great mercy, I desire that
all hearts turn with confidence to Your infinite mercy. No one will be justified
before You if he is not accompanied by Your unfathomable mercy. When You
reveal the mystery of Your mercy to us, there will not be enough of eternity to
properly thank You for it.
1123 Oh, how sweet it is to have in the depth of one's soul that which the
Church tells us we must believe. When my soul is immersed in love, I solve the
most intricate questions clearly and quickly. Only love is able to cross over
precipices and mountain peaks. Love, once again, love.
1124 + 12 [May 1937]. A strange darkness sometimes invades my intellect. I
am submerged in nothingness ' against my will.
1125 May 20, 1937. When for a whole month I had been enjoying good health,
it occurred to me that I did not know which was more pleasing to the Lord-my
serving Him in illness or in the robust health for which I had asked Him-and I
said to the Lord, "Jesus, do with me as You please," and Jesus returned me to
my previous condition.
1126 Oh, how sweet it is to live in a convent among sisters, but I must not
forget that these angels are in human bodies.
1127 On one occasion, I saw Satan hurrying about and looking for someone
among the sisters, but he could find no one. I felt an interior inspiration to
command him in the Name of God to confess to me what he was looking for
among the sisters. And he confessed, though unwillingly, "I am looking for idle
souls [cf. Si. 33:28; Pr. 12:11]." When I commanded him again in the Name of
God to tell me to which souls in religious life he has the easiest access, he said,
again unwillingly, "To lazy and idle souls." I took note of the fact that, at present,
there were no such souls in this house. Let the toiling and tired souls rejoice.
1128 May 22, 1937. The heat is so intense today that it is difficult to bear. We
are all thirsting for rain, and still it does not come. For several days the sky has
been overcast, but there is no rain. When I looked at the plants, thirsting for the
rain. I was moved with pity, and I decided to say the chaplet until the Lord
would send us rain. Before supper, the sky covered over with clouds, and a
heavy rain fell on the earth. I had been saying this prayer without interruption for
three hours. And the Lord let me know that everything can be obtained by
means of this prayer. [May] 23. The Feast of the Most Holy Trinity.
1129 During Holy Mass, I found myself suddenly united with the Most Holy
Trinity. I recognized His majesty and greatness. I was united to the Three
Persons. And once I was united to One of these Most Venerable Persons, I
was at the same time united to the other Two Persons. The joy and happiness
that my soul felt is beyond description. It grieves me that I am unable to put
down in words that which has no words.
1130 I heard these words: Tell the Superior General to count on you as the
most faithful daughter in the Order. [195]
1131 After these words, I received an inner understanding of what all created
things are before God. Immense and incomprehensible is His majesty. And that
He condescends toward us is the abyss of His mercy...
1132 All things will have an end in this vale of tears, Tears will run dry and pain will cease. Only one thing will remain - Love for You, O Lord. All things will have an end in this exile, The ordeals and wilderness of the soul. And though she live in perpetual agony, If God is with her, nothing can shake her.
1133 27 [May 1937]. Corpus Christi. During prayer, I heard these words: My daughter, let your heart be filled with
joy. I, the Lord, am with you. Fear nothing. You are in My heart. At that
moment, I knew the great majesty of God, and I understood that nothing could
be compared with one single perception of God. Outward greatness dwindles
like a speck of dust before one act of a deeper knowledge of God.
1134 The Lord has poured such a depth of peace into my soul that nothing will
disturb it any more. Despite everything that goes on around me, I am not
deprived of my peace for a moment. Even if the whole world were crumbling, it
would not disturb the depth of the silence which is within me and in which God
rests. All events, all the various things which happen are under His foot.
1135 This deeper knowledge of God gives me full liberty and spiritual freedom,
and nothing can disturb my close union with Him, not even the angelic powers. I
feel that I am great when I am united to God. What happiness it is to have the
consciousness of God in one's heart and to live in close intimacy with Him.
1136 When the procession from Borek [196] came to our house, carrying Him
who was to be reposed in our chapel, I heard a voice coming from the Host:
Here is My repose. During Benediction, Jesus gave me to know that soon a
solemn moment would take place on this very spot. I am pleased to rest in your
heart and nothing will stop Me from granting you graces. This greatness of God
floods my soul, and I drown in Him, I lose myself in Him, I am melting away in
Him...
1137 May 30, [1937]. I am dying of yearning for God today. This longing fills
all my soul. How very much I feel I am in exile. O Jesus, when will the
longed-for moment come?
1138 May 31. My tormented soul finds aid nowhere but in You, O Living Host.
I place all my trust in Your merciful heart. I am waiting patiently for Your word,
Lord.
1139 Oh, what pain it causes my heart when I see a nun who has not the
religious spirit! How can one be pleasing to God when one is inflated with pride
and self-love under the pretense of striving for God's glory, while in fact one is
seeking one's own glory? When I see such a thing, it gives me very great pain.
How can such a soul be united closely with God? Union with the Lord is out of
the question here.
1140 June 1, 1937. Today, the Corpus Christi procession [197] took place. At
the first altar, a flame issued from the Host and pierced my heart, and I heard a
voice, Here is My resting place. My heart was enflamed, and I felt that I was
transformed completely into Him.
1141 In the evening, He gave me to understand how fleeting all earthly things
are, and [how] everything that appears great disappears like smoke, and does
not give the soul freedom, but weariness. Happy the soul that understands these
things and with only one foot touches the earth. My repose is to be united with
You; everything else tires me. Oh, how much I feel I am in exile! I see that no
one understands my interior life. You alone understand me, You who are hidden
in my heart and yet are eternally alive.
1142 June 4. Today is the Feast of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. During
Holy Mass, I was given the knowledge of the Heart of Jesus and of the nature
of the fire of love with which He burns for us and of how He is an Ocean of
Mercy. Then I heard a voice: Apostle of My mercy, proclaim to the whole
world My unfathomable mercy. Do not be discouraged by the difficulties you
encounter in proclaiming My mercy. These difficulties that affect you so painfully
are needed for your sanctification and as evidence that this work is Mine. My
daughter, be diligent in writing down every sentence I tell you concerning My
mercy, because this is meant for a great number of souls who will profit from it.
1143 + During Adoration, the Lord gave me a deeper knowledge of matters
connected with this work.
1144 Today, I asked the Lord's pardon for all the offenses committed in our
convents from which His divine Heart ! suffers.
1145 + June 6, [1937]. First Sunday of the month. Today I made my monthly retreat. A light from the morning meditation: Whatever You do with me, Jesus, I will
always love You, for I am Yours. Little matter whether You leave me here or
put me somewhere else; I am always Yours. It is with love that I abandon myself to Your most wise decrees, O God, and
Your will, O Lord, is my daily nourishment. You, who know the beatings of my
heart, know that it beats for You alone, my Jesus. Nothing can quench my
longing for You. I am dying for You, Jesus. When will You take me into Your
dwelling place [cf. Jn. 14:1-3]?
1146 [Let] the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right
before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My
mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight
Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even
the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the
contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I
come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses
to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My
justice...
1147 When once I felt hurt because of a certain thing and complained to the
Lord, Jesus answered, My daughter, why do you attach such importance to the
teaching and the talk of people? I myself want to teach you; that is why I
arrange things so that you cannot attend those conferences. In a single moment,
I will bring you to know more than others will acquire through many years of
toil.
1148 June 20, [1937]. We resemble God most when we forgive our neighbors.
God is Love, Goodness, and Mercy... Every soul, and especially the soul of every religious, should reflect My mercy.
My Heart overflows with compassion and mercy for all. The heart of My
beloved must resemble Mine; from her heart must spring the fountain of My
mercy for souls; otherwise I will not acknowledge her as Mine.
1149 + On several occasions, I have learned how some religious defend their
own glory under the pretext of being concerned for the glory of God, whereas it
is not a question of the glory of God, but of glory of self. O Jesus, how painful
this has been for me! What secrets the day of Your judgment will bring to light!
How can one steal God's gifts?
1150 Today, I experienced a good deal of sorrow because of a certain person,
a lay person, that is. On the basis of one true thing, she said many things which
were fictitious. And because they were taken to be true and spread around the
whole house, when the news reached my ears, my heart felt a twinge of pain.
How can one abuse the goodness of others like that? But I resolved not to say a
word in my defense and to show even greater kindness toward that person. I
became aware, however, that I was not strong enough to bear this calmly,
because the matter lingered on for weeks. When I saw the storm building up
and the wind beginning to blow sand straight into my eyes, I went before the
Blessed Sacrament and said to the Lord, "Lord Jesus, I ask You to give me the
strength of Your actual grace, because I feel that I will not manage to survive
this struggle. Shield me with Your breast." Then I heard the words, Do not fear; I am with you. When I left the altar, an
extraordinary peace and power filled my soul, and the storm that was raging
broke against my soul as against a rock; and the foam of the storm fell on those
who had raised it. Oh, how good is the Lord, who will reward each one
according to his deed! Let every soul beg for the help of actual grace, as
sometimes ordinary grace is not enough. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 3
1151 + When pain overwhelms my soul, And the horizon darkens like night, And the heart is torn with the torment of suffering, Jesus Crucified, You are my strength. When the soul, dimmed with pain, Exerts itself in battle without respite, And the heart is in agony and torment, Jesus Crucified, You are the hope of my salvation. And so the days pass, As the soul bathes in a sea of bitterness, And the heart dissolves in tears, Jesus Crucified, You shine for me like the dawn. And when the cup of bitterness brims over, And all things conspire against her, And the soul goes down to the Garden of Olives, Jesus Crucified, in You is my defense. When the soul, conscious of its innocence, Accepts these dispensations from God, The heart can then repay hurts with love. Jesus Crucified, transform my weakness into omnipotence.
1152 It is no easy thing to bear sufferings joyfully, especially those which are
unmerited. Fallen nature rebels, and although the intellect and will are above
suffering, because they are able to do good to those who inflict suffering on
them, nevertheless the emotions raise a lot of noise and, like restless spirits,
attack the intellect and will. But when they see they cannot do anything by
themselves, they quiet down and submit to the intellect and will. Like some kind
of hideousness, they rush in and stir up a row, bent on making one obey them
alone so long as they are not curbed by the intellect and will.
1153 June 23, [1937]. As I was praying before the Most Blessed Sacrament,
my physical sufferings ceased suddenly, and I heard this voice in my soul: You
see, I can give you everything in one moment. I am not constrained by any law. June 24. After Holy Communion, I heard these words: Know, My daughter,
that in one moment I can give you everything that is needed for the fulfillment of
this task. After these words, an extraordinary light remained in my soul, and all
God's demands seemed to me to be so simple that even a little child could carry
them out.
1154 [June] 27. Today, I saw the convent of the new Congregation. It was a
large and spacious building. I went from room to room, observing everything. I
saw that God's Providence had provided for all that was necessary. The
persons living in this convent were still wearing lay clothes, but a thoroughly
religious spirit reigned there, and I was organizing everything just as the Lord
wanted. All of a sudden, I heard a rebuke from one of our sisters, "Sister, how
can you carry out such works?" I answered that it was not I, but the Lord
working through me, and that I had the authorization for everything. During
Mass, I received light and profound understanding concerning this whole work,
and not a shadow of a doubt remained in my soul.
1155 The Lord gave me knowledge of His will under three aspects, so to
speak, but it all comes down to one. [198] The first is that souls separated from the world will burn as an offering before
God's throne and beg for mercy for the whole world... and by their entreaties
they will obtain blessings for priests, and through their prayers prepare the world
for the final coming of Jesus.
1156 The second is prayer joined to the act of mercy. In particular, they will
defend the souls of children against the spirit of evil. Prayer and merciful deeds
are all that will be required of these souls, and even the poorest persons can be
admitted to their number. And in this egoistic world they will try to rouse up
love, the mercy of Jesus.
1157 The third is prayer and deeds of mercy, without any obligation of taking
vows. But by doing this, these persons will have a share in all the merits and
privileges of the whole [congregation]. Everyone in the world can belong to this
group.
1158 A member of this group ought to perform at least one act of mercy a day;
at least one, but there can be many more, for such deeds can easily be carried
out by anyone, even the very poorest. For there are three ways of performing an
act of mercy: the merciful word, by forgiving and by comforting; secondly, if you
can offer no word, then pray-that too is mercy; and thirdly, deeds of mercy.
And when the Last Day comes, we shall be judged from this, and on this basis
we shall receive the eternal verdict.
1159 God's floodgates have been opened for us. Let us want to take advantage
of them before the day of God's justice arrives. And that will be a dreadful day!
1160 When once I asked the Lord Jesus how He could tolerate so many sins
and crimes and not punish them, the Lord answered me, I have eternity for
punishing [these], and so I am prolonging the time of mercy for the sake of
[sinners]. But woe to them if they do not recognize this time of My visitation. My
daughter, secretary of My mercy, your duty is not only to write about and
proclaim My mercy, but also to beg for this grace for them, so that they too may
glorify My mercy.
1161 Today, my soul suffered such agony that I began to complain to the Lord
Jesus, "Jesus, how can You leave me alone? I cannot take even one step
forward by myself. You have taken my confessor away, and You yourself are
hiding from me. Surely, You know, Jesus, that of myself I know nothing but how
to waste Your graces. Jesus, You must arrange things so that Father Andrasz
will return." But the anguish persisted.
1162 It occurred to me to go to some priest and tell him of my anguish as well
as some various inspirations, that he might resolve them for me; and I shared this
idea with Mother Superior [Irene]. Mother replied, "I understand, Sister, that
you are going through a difficult time, but at present, I really do not know of any
priest who would be suitable for you. At any rate, Father Andrasz will be
returning soon. So, for now, go and tell everything to the Lord Jesus."
1163 When I went to talk with the Lord for a while, I heard a voice in my soul:
My- I will not give you the grace to reveal yourself to someone else, and even if
you did bare yourself, I will not give that priest the grace needed to understand
you. At this time, it is My desire that you put up with yourself patiently. My
daughter, it is not My will that you should tell everybody about the gifts I have
granted you. I have entrusted you to the care of the friend of My Heart, and
under his direction your soul will bloom. I have given him light to recognize My
life in your soul.
1164 My daughter, when I was before Herod, I obtained a grace for you;
namely, that you would be able to rise above human scorn and follow faithfully
in My footsteps. Be silent when they do not want to acknowledge your truth,
because it is then that you speak more eloquently.
1165 Know this, My daughter: if you strive for perfection you will sanctify many
souls; and if you do not strive for sanctity, by the same token, many souls will
remain imperfect. Know that their perfection will depend on your perfection,
and the greater part of the responsibility for these souls will fall on you.
1166 Then He said to me, Do not fear, My child; but remain faithful only to My grace...
1167 Satan has admitted to me that I am the object of his hatred. He said that
"a thousand souls do me less harm than you do when you speak of the great
mercy of the Almighty One. The greatest sinners regain confidence and return to
God, and I lose everything. But what is more, you persecute me personally with
that unfathomable mercy of the Almighty One." I took note of the great hatred
Satan has for the Mercy of God. He does not want to acknowledge that God is
good.
1168 June 29, 1937. During breakfast today, Father Andrasz greeted the whole
community by telephone. He is already back [from Rome], and this very
afternoon he came to see us. The professed sisters, the novices, and both
groups of students assembled in the quadrangle [the girls' playground in front of
the building] and waited for our dear Father. The children welcomed him with
songs and poems, and then we asked him to tell us about Rome and the many
beautiful things he had seen there. He spoke for over two hours and, because of
this, there was no time left to talk in private.
1169 Today, my soul entered into close union with the Lord. He made known
to me how I should always abandon myself to His holy will: In one moment, I
can give you more than you are able to desire.
1170 June 30, 1937. Today, the Lord said to me, I have wanted to exalt this
Congregation many times, but I am unable to do so because of its pride. Know,
My daughter, that I do not grant My graces to proud souls, and I even take
away from them the graces I have granted.
1171 Today Sister Jolanta [199] asked me to make an agreement with her: she
will pray for me, and I am to pray for the girls in her class in Vilnius. As for me, I
always pray for our work, but I have resolved to pray for the class in Vilnius for
two months, and Sister Jolanta will say three Hail Marys to the Incarnate Word
every day for the intention that I might profit from God's grace. Our friendship
has deepened.
1172 July 1, 1937. The month of July. Today during the Angelus, the Lord gave me an understanding of God's
incomprehensible love for people. He lifts us up to His very Godhead. His only
motives are love and fathomless mercy. Though You make known the mystery
to us through an angel, You yourself carry it out.
1173 In spite of the profound peace my soul is enjoying, I am struggling
continuously, and it is often a hard-fought battle for me to walk faithfully along
my path; that is, the path which the Lord Jesus wants me to follow. And my path
is to be faithful to the will of God in all things and at all times, especially by being
faithful to inner inspirations in order to be a receptive instrument in God's hands
for the carrying out of the work of His fathomless mercy.
1174 July 4, 1937. First Sunday of the month. Monthly retreat. This evening, I prepared with great care and prayed long to the Holy Spirit that
He might deign to grant me His light and take me under His special guidance; [I
prayed] also to Our Lady, to my Guardian Angel, and to our patron saints.
[200]
1175 Fruit of the meditation. Whatever Jesus did, He did well. He went along, doing good. His manner was
full of goodness and mercy. His steps were guided by compassion. Toward His
enemies He showed goodness, kindness, and understanding, and to those in
need help and consolation. I have resolved to mirror faithfully these traits of Jesus in myself during this
month, even if this costs me much.
1176 During Adoration, I heard a voice in my soul: These efforts of yours, My
daughter, are pleasing to Me; they are the delight of My Heart. I see every
movement of your heart with which you worship Me.
1177 Particular examen. Continuation of the same: to unite myself with the merciful Christ. For the sake
of His sorrowful Passion, I will entreat the heavenly Father for the whole world.
A point of the rule: strict observance of silence. I must probe the depth of my being and thank God for everything, uniting myself
with Jesus. With Him, in Him, and through Him, I give glory to God.
1178 O Lord, my Love, I thank You for this day on which You have allowed
me to draw a wealth of graces from the fountain of Your unfathomable mercy.
O Jesus, not only today, but at every moment, I draw from Your unfathomable
mercy everything that the soul and body could want.
1179 July 7, 1937. In times of doubt; that is, when the soul is weak, let it ask
Jesus himself to act. Although it knows that it should act by the grace of God,
nevertheless, at certain times, it is better for it to leave all action to God.
1180 June [July] 15, 1937. Once, I learned that I was to be transferred to
another house. My knowledge of this was purely interior. At the same time, I
heard a voice in my soul: Do not be afraid, My daughter; it is My will that you
should remain here. Human plans will be thwarted, since they must conform to
My will.
1181 When I was close to the Lord, He said to me, Why are you afraid to
begin the work which I have commanded you to carry out? I answered, "Why
do You leave me on my own at such times, Jesus, and why do I not feel Your
presence?" My daughter, even though you do not perceive Me in the most
secret depths of your heart, you still cannot say that I am not there. I only
remove from you the awareness of My presence, and that should not be an
obstacle to the carrying out of My will. I do this to achieve My unfathomable
ends, which you will know of later on. My daughter, know without doubt, and once and for all, that only mortal sin
drives Me out of a soul, and nothing else.
1182 + Today the Lord said to me, My daughter, My pleasure and delight,
nothing will stop Me from granting you graces. Your misery does not hinder My
mercy. My daughter, write that the greater the misery of a soul, the greater its
right to My mercy; [urge] all souls to trust in the unfathomable abyss of My
mercy, because I want to save them all. On the cross, the fountain of My mercy
was opened wide by the lance for all souls-no one have I excluded!
1183 O Jesus, I want to live in the present moment, to live as if this were the last
day of my life. I want to use every moment scrupulously for the greater glory of
God, to use every circumstance for the benefit of my soul. I want to look upon
everything, from the point of view that nothing happens without the will of God. God of unfathomable mercy, embrace the whole world and pour Yourself out
upon us through the merciful Heart of Jesus.
1184 On an earlier occasion. In the evening, I saw the Lord Jesus upon the cross. From His hands, feet and
side, the Most Sacred Blood was flowing. After some time, Jesus said to me,
All this is for the salvation of souls. Consider well, My daughter, what you are
doing for their salvation. I answered, "Jesus, when I look at Your suffering, I see
that I am doing next to nothing for the salvation of souls." And the Lord said to
me, Know, My daughter, that your silent day-to-day martyrdom in complete
submission to My will ushers many souls into heaven. And when it seems to you
that your suffering exceeds your strength, contemplate My wounds, and you will
rise above human scorn and judgment. Meditation on My Passion will help you
rise above all things. I understood many things I had been unable to comprehend
before.
1185 July 9, 1937. This evening, one of the deceased sisters came and asked
me for one day of fasting and to offer all my [spiritual] exercises on that day for
her. I answered that I would.
1186 From early morning on the following day, I offered everything for her
intention. During Holy Mass, I had a brief experience of her torment. I
experienced such intense hunger for God that I seemed to be dying of the desire
to become united with Him. This lasted only a short time, but I understood what
the longing of the souls in purgatory was like.
1187 Immediately after Holy Mass, I asked Mother Superior's permission to
fast, but I did not receive it because of my illness. When I entered the chapel, I
heard these words: "If you had fasted, Sister, I would not have gotten relief until
the evening, but for the sake of your obedience, which prevented you from
fasting, I obtained this relief at once. Obedience has great power." After these
words I heard: "May God reward you."
1188 I often pray for Poland, but I see that God is very angry with it because of
its ingratitude. [201] I exert all the strength of my soul to defend it. I constantly
remind God of the promises of His mercy. When I see His anger, I throw myself
trustingly into the abyss of His mercy, and I plunge all Poland in it, and then He
cannot use His justice. My country, how much you cost me! There is no day in
which I do not pray for you.
1189 (A sentence from Saint Vincent de Paul: "The Lord always sets His hand
to a task when He removes all human means and orders us to do a thing that
exceeds our strength.")
1190 + Jesus. -From all My wounds, like from streams, mercy flows for souls,
but the wound in My Heart is the fountain of unfathomable mercy. From this
fountain spring all graces for souls. The flames of compassion burn Me. I desire
greatly to pour them out upon souls. Speak to the whole world about My mercy.
1191 As long as we live, the love of God grows in us. Until we die, we ought to
strive for the love of God. I have learned and experienced that souls living in
love are distinguished in this: that they are greatly enlightened concerning the
things of God, both in their own souls and in the souls of others. And simple
souls, without an education, are outstanding for their knowledge.
1192 At the fourteenth station. I get the strange feeling that Jesus is going into
the ground. When my soul is in anguish, I think only in this way: Jesus is good and full of
mercy, and even if the ground were to give way under my feet, I would not
cease to trust in Him.
1193 Today, I have heard these words: My daughter, delight of My Heart, it is
with pleasure that I look into your soul. I bestow many graces only because of
you. I also withhold My punishments only because of you. You restrain Me, and
I cannot vindicate the claims of My justice. You bind My hands with your love.
1194 July 13, 1937. Today, Jesus has given me light as to how I should behave
toward one of the sisters, who had asked me about many spiritual matters
concerning which she had doubts. But basically this was not the question; she
only wanted to find out my opinion in these matters in order to have something
to say about me to the other sisters. Oh, if at least she had repeated the same
words that I had spoken to her without distortions and additions! Jesus put me
on my guard in respect to her. I resolved to pray for her, because only prayer
can enlighten that soul.
1195 O my Jesus, nothing can lower my ideals; that is, the love which I have for
You. Although the path is very thorny, I do not fear to go ahead. Even if a
hailstorm of persecutions covers me; even if my friends forsake me, even if all
things conspire against me, and the horizon grows dark; even if a raging storm
breaks out, and I feel I am quite alone and must brave it all; still, fully at peace, I
will trust in Your mercy, O my God, and my hope will not be disappointed.
1196 Today, when a certain sister who was on duty approached me in the
refectory [the sisters' dining room, where assigned sisters serve at the time of
common meals], I experienced severe suffering in the places of the Wounds. I
was given to know the state of her soul. I prayed much for her.
1197 Sudden calming of a storm. There was a terrible storm last night. I bowed
my face low to the ground and started to say the Litany of the Saints. Towards
the end of the Litany, such drowsiness came over me that Icould in no way finish
the prayer. Then I got up and said to the Lord, "Jesus, calm the storm, for Your
child is unable to pray any longer, and I am heavy with sleep." After these
words, I threw the window wide open, not even securing it with hooks. Sister
N. [probably Sister Fabiola Pawluk] then said to me, "Sister, what are you
doing! The wind will surely tear the window loose!" I told her to sleep in peace,
and at once the storm completely subsided. The next day, the sisters talked '
about the sudden calming of the storm, not knowing what this meant. I said
nothing, but I merely thought ' within myself: Jesus and little Faustina know what
it means...
1198 The 20th [of July, 1937]. I learned today that I am to go to Rabka. [202]
I was not to leave until August 5, but I asked Mother Superior [Irene] to let me
go at once. I have not seen Father Andrasz at all, and I asked her to let me
leave as soon as possible. Mother Superior was a little surprised that I wanted
to leave so soon, but I did not explain the reason for my wanting to do so. That
will remain a secret forever. In these circumstances, I have made one resolution
which I am going to keep.
1199 [July] 29. I am to leave for Rabka today. I went into the chapel and asked
the Lord Jesus for a safe journey. But within my soul there was silence and
darkness. I felt I was all alone and had no one [to turn to]. I asked Jesus to be
with me. Then I felt a tiny ray of light in my soul as a sign that Jesus was with me
but, after this grace, the darkness and shadows in my soul increased. Then I
said, "Your will be done, for everything is possible to You." When I was on the
train and gazed through the window at the beautiful countryside and the
mountains, the torments of my soul grew even greater. As the sisters welcomed
me and began to surround me with their warmth, my sufferings redoubled.
1200 I would have like to hide and rest for a while in solitude, in a word, to be
alone. At such moments, no creature is capable of giving me comfort, and even
if I had wanted to say something about myself, I would have experienced new
anguish. Therefore, I have kept silent at such moments and submitted myself, in
silence, to the will of God-and that has given me relief. I demand nothing from
creatures and communicate with them only in so far as is necessary. I will not
take them into my confidence unless this is for the greater glory of God. My
communing is with the angels [cf. Mt. 18:10; Ex. 23:20]. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 3
1201 I feel so unwell here, however, that I am obliged to stay in bed. I feel
strange sharp pains all through my chest; I cannot even move my hand. One
night, I had to lie quite motionless, as it seemed to me that if I budged,
everything in my lungs would tear. The night was endless. I united myself to
Jesus Crucified, and I implored the heavenly Father on behalf of sinners. It is
said that maladies of the lungs do not cause such sharp pains, but I suffer these
sharp pains constantly. My health has deteriorated so much here that I must
remain in bed, and Sister N. [probably Sister Helen [203]] says I will not
improve, because the climate of Rabka is not good for every sick person.
1202 I could not even go to Holy Mass or receive Holy Communion today but,
amidst the sufferings of body and soul, I kept on repeating, "May the Lord's will
be done. I know that Your bounty is without limit." Then 1 heard an angel who
sang out my whole life history and everything it comprised. I was surprised, but
also strengthened.
1203 Saint Joseph urged me to have a constant devotion to him. He himself told
me to recite three prayers [the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory be] and the
Memorare [204] once every day. He looked at me with great kindness and
gave me to know how much he is supporting this work [of mercy]. He has
promised me this special help and protection. I recite the requested prayers
every day and feel his special protection. August 1, 1937. One-day retreat.
1204 A retreat of suffering. O Jesus, in these days of suffering, I am not capable
of any kind of prayer. The oppression of my body and soul has increased. O my
Jesus, You do see that Your child is on the decline. I am not forcing myself
further, but simply submitting my will to the will of Jesus. O Jesus, You are
always Jesus to me.
1205 When I went to confession, I did not even know how to confess.
However, the priest [probably Father Casimir Ratkiewicz [205]] recognized the
condition of my soul at once and said to me, "Despite everything, you are on the
way to salvation; you are on the right path, but God may leave your soul in this
darkness and obscurity until death, and the former light may never return. But in
all things abandon yourself to the will of God."
1206 Today, I started a novena to Our Lady of the Assumption for three
intentions: first, that I may see the Reverend Dr. Sopocko; second, that God
would hasten this work; and third, for the intention of my country.
1207 August 10. Today I am returning to Cracow, in the company of one of the
sisters. My soul is shrouded in suffering. I am continually uniting myself to Him
by an act of the will. He is my power and strength.
1208 May You be blessed, O God, for everything You send me. Nothing under
the sun happens without Your will. I cannot penetrate Your secrets with regard
to myself, but I press my lips to the chalice You offer me.
1209 Jesus, I trust in You. Novena to The Divine Mercy [206] which Jesus instructed me to write down and make before the Feast of Mercy.
It begins on Good Friday. I desire that during these nine days you bring souls to ' the fount of My mercy,
that they may draw therefrom strength and refreshment and whatever graces
they need in the hardships of life and, especially, at the hour of death. On each day you will bring to My Heart a different group of souls, and you will
immerse them in this ocean of My mercy, and I will bring all these souls into the
house of My Father. You will do this in this life and in the next. I will deny
nothing to any soul whom you will bring to the fount of My mercy. On each day
you will beg My Father, on the strength of My bitter Passion, for graces for
these souls. I answered, "Jesus, I do not know how to make this novena or which souls to
bring first into Your Most Compassionate Heart." Jesus replied that He would
tell me which souls to bring each day into His Heart. First Day
1210 Today, bring to Me all mankind, especially all sinners, and immerse them
in the ocean of My mercy. In this way you will console Me in the bitter grief into
which the loss of souls plunges Me.
1211 Most Merciful Jesus, whose very nature it is to have ' compassion on us
and to forgive us, do not look upon our sins, but upon the trust which we place
in Your infinite goodness. Receive us all into the abode of Your Most
Compassionate Heart, and never let us escape from It. We beg this of You by
Your love which unites You to the Father and the Holy Spirit. Oh omnipotence of Divine Mercy, Salvation of sinful people, You are a sea of mercy and compassion; You aid those who entreat You with humility. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon all mankind and especially upon
poor sinners, all enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. For the
sake of His sorrowful Passion, show us Your mercy, that we may praise the
omnipotence of Your mercy forever and ever. Amen. Second Day
1212 Today bring to Me the souls of priests and religious, and immerse them in
My unfathomable mercy. It was they who gave Me the strength to endure My
bitter Passion. Through them, as through channels, My mercy flows out upon mankind.
1213 Most Merciful Jesus, from whom comes all that is good, increase Your
grace in us, that we may perform worthy works of mercy, and that all who see
us may glorify the Father of Mercy who is in heaven. The fountain of God's love Dwells in pure hearts, Bathed in the Sea of Mercy, Radiant as stars, bright as the dawn. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the company [of chosen ones] in
Your vineyard-upon the souls of priests and religious; and endow them with the
strength of Your blessing. For the love of the Heart of Your Son, in which they
are enfolded, impart to them Your power and light, that they may be able to
guide others in the way of salvation, and with one voice sing praise to Your
boundless mercy for ages without end. Amen. Third Day
1214 Today bring to Me all devout and faithful souls, and immerse them in the
ocean of My mercy. These souls brought Me consolation on the Way of the
Cross. They were that drop of consolation in the midst of an ocean of bitterness.
1215 Most Merciful Jesus, from the treasury of Your mercy, You impart Your
graces in great abundance to each and all. Receive us into the abode of Your
Most Compassionate Heart and never let us escape from It. We beg this of You
by that most wondrous love for the heavenly Father with which Your Heart
burns so fiercely. The miracles of mercy are impenetrable. Neither the sinner nor just one will fathom them. When You cast upon us an eye of pity, You draw us all closer to Your love. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon faithful souls, as upon the
inheritance of Your Son. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, grant them
Your blessing and surround them with Your constant protection. Thus may they
never fail in love or lose the treasure of the holy faith, but rather, with all the
hosts of Angels and Saints, may they glorify Your boundless mercy for endless
ages. Amen. Fourth Day
1216 Today bring to Me the pagans and those who do not yet know me. I was
thinking also of them during My bitter Passion, and their future zeal comforted
My Heart. Immerse them in the ocean of My mercy.
1217 Most Compassionate Jesus, You are the Light of the whole world.
Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of pagans
who as yet do not know You. Let the rays of Your grace enlighten them that
they, too, together with us, may extol Your wonderful mercy; and do not let
them escape from the abode which is Your Most Compassionate Heart. May the light of Your love Enlighten the souls in darkness; Grant that these souls will know You And, together with us, praise Your mercy. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls of pagans and of those
who as yet do not know You, but who are enclosed in the Most Compassionate
Heart of Jesus. Draw them to the light of the Gospel. These souls do not know
what great happiness it is to love You. Grant that they, too, may extol the
generosity of Your ' mercy for endless ages. Amen. Fifth Day
1218 Today bring to Me the souls of heretics and schismatics, and immerse
them in the ocean of My mercy. During My bitter Passion they tore at My Body
and Heart; that is, My Church. As they return to unity with the Church, My
wounds heal, and in this way they alleviate My Passion.
1219 Most Merciful Jesus, Goodness Itself, You do not refuse light to those
who seek it of You. Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate
Heart the souls of heretics and schismatics. Draw them by Your light into the
unity of the Church, and do not let them escape from the abode of Your Most
Compassionate Heart; but bring it about that they, too, come to adore the
generosity of Your mercy. Even for those who have torn the garment of Your unity, A fount of mercy flows from Your Heart. The omnipotence of Your mercy, Oh God. Can lead these souls also out of error. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls of heretics and
schismatics, who have squandered Your blessings and misused Your graces by
obstinately persisting in their errors. Do not look upon their errors, but upon the
love of Your own Son and upon His bitter Passion, which He underwent for
their sake, since they, too, are enclosed in the Most Compassionate Heart of
Jesus. Bring it about that they also may glorify Your great mercy for endless
ages. Amen. Sixth Day
1220 Today bring to Me the meek and humble souls and the souls of little
children, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble
My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly
Angels, who would keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents
of grace. Only the humble soul is able to receive My grace. I favor humble souls
with My confidence.
1221 Most Merciful Jesus, You Yourself have said, "Learn from Me for I am
meek and humble of heart." Receive into the abode of Your Most
Compassionate Heart all meek and humble souls and the souls of little children.
These souls send all heaven into ecstasy, and they are the heavenly Father's
favorites. They are a sweet-smelling bouquet before the throne of God; God
himself takes delight in their fragrance. These souls have a permanent abode in
Your Most Compassionate Heart, O Jesus, and they unceasingly sing out a
hymn of love and mercy.
1222 A truly gentle and humble soul Already here on earth the air of paradise breathes, And in the fragrance of her humble heart The Creator Himself delights.
1223 Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon meek and humble souls, and upon the souls of little children, who are enfolded in the abode which is the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. These souls bear the closest resemblance to Your Son. Their fragrance rises from the earth and reaches Your very throne. Father of mercy and of all goodness, I beg You by the love You bear these souls and by the delight You take in them: bless the whole world, that all souls together may sing out the praises of Your mercy for endless ages. Amen. Seventh Day
1224 Today bring to Me the souls who especially venerate and glorify My
mercy, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls sorrowed most over My
Passion and entered most deeply into My Spirit. They are living images of My
Compassionate Heart. These souls will shine with a special brightness in the next
life. Not one of them will go into the fire of hell. I shall particularly defend each
one of them at the hour of death.
1225 Most Merciful Jesus, whose Heart is Love Itself, receive into the abode
of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of those who particularly extol
and venerate the greatness of Your mercy. These souls are mighty with the very
power of God Himself. In the midst of all afflictions and adversities they go
forward, confident of Your mercy. These souls are united to Jesus and carry all
mankind on their shoulders. These souls will not be judged severely, but Your
mercy will embrace them as they depart from this life. A soul who praises the goodness of her Lord Is especially loved by Him. She is always close to the living fountain And draws graces from Mercy Divine. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls who glorify and venerate
Your greatest attribute, that of Your fathomless mercy, and who are enclosed in
the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. These souls are a living Gospel; their
hands are full of deeds of mercy, and their spirit, overflowing with joy, sings a
canticle of mercy to You, O Most High! I beg You O God: Show them Your
mercy according to the hope and trust they have placed in You. Let there be
accomplished in them the promise of Jesus, who said to them, I Myself will
defend as My own glory, during their lifetime, and especially at the hour of their
death, those souls who will venerate My fathomless mercy. Eighth Day
1226 Today bring to Me the souls who are in the prison of Purgatory, and
immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. Let the torrents of My Blood cool
down their scorching flames. All these souls are greatly loved by Me. They are
making retribution to My justice. It is in your power to bring them relief. Draw
all the indulgences from the treasury of My Church and offer them on their
behalf. Oh, if you only knew the torments they suffer, you would continually
offer for them the alms of the spirit and pay off their debt to My justice.
1227 Most Merciful Jesus, You Yourself have said that You desire mercy; so I bring into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls in Purgatory, souls who are very dear to You, and yet, who must make retribution to Your justice. May the streams of Blood and Water which gushed forth from Your Heart put out the flames of the purifying fire, that in that place, too, the power of Your mercy may be praised. From the terrible heat of the cleansing fire Rises a plaint to Your mercy, And they receive comfort, refreshment, relief In the stream of mingled Blood and Water. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls suffering in Purgatory,
who are enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. I beg You, by the
sorrowful Passion of Jesus Your Son, and by all the bitterness with which His
most sacred Soul was flooded, manifest Your mercy to the souls who are under
Your just scrutiny. Look upon them in no other way than through the Wounds of
Jesus, Your dearly beloved Son; for we firmly believe that there is no limit to
Your goodness and compassion. Ninth Day
1228 Today bring to Me souls who have become lukewarm, and immerse them
in the abyss of My mercy. These souls wound My Heart most painfully. My soul
suffered the most dreadful loathing in the Garden of Olives because of lukewarm
souls. They were the reason I cried out: "Father, take this cup away from Me, if
it be Your will." For them, the last hope of salvation is to flee to My mercy.
1229 Most Compassionate Jesus, You are Compassion Itself. I bring lukewarm
souls into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart. In this fire of Your
pure love let these tepid souls, who, like corpses, filled You with such deep
loathing, be once again set aflame. O Most Compassionate Jesus, exercise the
omnipotence of Your mercy and draw them into the very ardor of Your love;
and bestow upon them the gift of holy love, for nothing is beyond Your power. Fire and ice cannot be joined; Either the fire dies, or the ice melts. But by Your mercy, O God, You can make up for all that is lacking. Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon lukewarm souls, who are
nonetheless enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. Father of
Mercy, I beg You by the bitter Passion of Your Son and by His three-hour
agony on the Cross: Let them, too, glorify the abyss of Your mercy....
1230 O day of eternity, O day so long desired, With thirst and longing, my eyes search you out. Soon love will tear the veil asunder, And you will be my salvation. O day most beautiful, moment incomparable, When for the first time I shall see my God, The Bridegroom of my soul and Lord of lords, And fear will not restrain my soul. O day most solemn, O day of brightness, When the soul will know God in His omnipotence And drown totally in His love, Knowing the miseries of exile are o'er. O happy day, O blessed day, When my heart will burn for You with fire eternal, For even now I feel Your presence, though through the veil. Through life and death, O Jesus, You are my rapture and delight. O day, of which I dreamed through all my life, Waiting long for You, O God, For it is You alone whom I desire. You are the one and only of my heart; all else is naught. O day of delight, day of eternal bliss, God of great majesty, my beloved Spouse, You know that nothing will satisfy a virgin heart. On Your tender Heart I rest my brow. [End of Notebook Three] Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 4
1231 + J.M.J. Today Jesus came to live in my heart, He descended from His throne on high, The great Lord, the Creator of all things; And He came to me in the form of bread. O Eternal God, in my bosom enclosed, Possessing You, I possess all Heaven, And with the Angels I sing to You: Holy, I live for Your glory alone. Not with a Seraph, do You unite yourself, O God, But with a wretched man Who can do nothing without You; But to him You are ever merciful. My heart is Your abode, O King of Eternal Glory; Rule in my heart and be Lord, As in a palace of splendor untold. O great, incomprehensible God, Who have deigned to abase Yourself so, Humbly I adore You And beg You in Your goodness to save me. + J. M. J.
1232 O sweet Mother of God, I model my life on You; You are for me the bright dawn; In You I lose myself, enraptured. O Mother, Immaculate Virgin, In You the divine ray is reflected, Midst storms, 'tis You who teach me to love the Lord, O my shield and defense from the foe. Cracow, August 10, 1937.
1233 Sr. Mary Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament O Sacred Host, fountain of divine sweetness, You give strength to my soul; O You are the Omnipotent One, who took flesh of the Virgin, You come to my heart, in secret, Beyond reach of the groping senses. + J. M. J. Cracow, August 10, 1937 Notebook Four
1234 All for You, Jesus. I desire to adore Your mercy with every beat of my
heart and, to the extent that I am able, to encourage souls to trust in that mercy,
as You yourself have commanded me, O Lord.
1235 In my heart, in my soul, there is a dark night. My spirit has come up
against an impenetrable wall that hides God from me. But this darkness is not of
my doing. Strange indeed is this torture of which I fear to write in full. But even
in this state, I am trying to be faithful to You, O my Jesus. Always and in all
things, my heart beats for You alone.
1236 August 10, 1937. I came back today from Rabka to Cracow. I feel very
ill. Only Jesus knows how much I am suffering. During these days, I have very
much resembled Jesus Crucified. I have armed myself with patience in order to
explain to each sister why I was not able to stay there; that is, because my health
had become worse, even though I knew very well that certain sisters would
inquire, not out of sympathy for my sufferings, but in order to add to them.
1237 O Jesus, what darkness is enveloping me and what nothingness is
penetrating me. But, my Jesus, do not leave me alone; grant me the grace of
faithfulness. Although I cannot penetrate the mystery of God's visitation, it is in
my power to say: Your will be done.
1238 August 12. On passing through Cracow, Rev. Father Sopocko paid me a
short visit today. I had wanted to see him, and God fulfilled my desire. This
priest is a great soul, entirely filled with God. My joy was very great, and I
thanked God for this great grace, because it was for the greater glory of God
that I wanted to see him.
1239 O living Host, O hidden Jesus. You see the condition of my soul. Of
myself, I am unable to utter Your Holy Name. I cannot bring forth from my
heart the fire of love but, kneeling at Your feet, I cast upon the Tabernacle the
gaze of my soul, a gaze of faithfulness. As for You, You are ever the same,
while within my soul a change takes place. I trust that the time will come when
You will unveil Your countenance, and Your child will again see Your sweet
face. I am astonished, Jesus, that You can hide yourself from me for so long and
that You can restrain the enormous love You have for me. In the dwelling of my
heart, I am listening and waiting for Your coming, O only Treasure of my heart!
1240 The Lord Jesus greatly protects His representatives on earth. How closely
He is united with them; and He orders me to give priority to their opinion over
His. I have come to know the great intimacy which exists between Jesus and the
priest. Jesus defends whatever the priest says, and often complies with his
wishes, and sometimes makes His own relationship with a soul depend on the
priest's advice. O Jesus, through a special grace, I have come to know very
clearly to what extent You have shared Your power and mystery with them,
more so than with the Angels. I rejoice in this, for it is all for my good.
1241 + 0 my Jesus, when someone is unkind and unpleasant toward us, it is
difficult enough to bear this kind of suffering. But this is very little in comparison
to a suffering which I cannot bear; namely, that which I experience when
someone exhibits kindness towards me and then lays snares at my feet at every
step I take. What great will power is necessary to love such a soul for God's
sake. Many a time one has to be heroic in loving such a soul as God demands.
If contact with that person were infrequent, it would be easier to endure, but
when one lives in close contact with the person and experiences this at each
step, this demands a very great effort.
1242 My Jesus, penetrate me through and through so that I might be able to
reflect You in my whole life. Divinize me so that my deeds may have
supernatural value. Grant that I may have love, compassion and mercy for every
soul without exception. O my Jesus, each of Your saints reflects one of Your
virtues; I desire to reflect Your compassionate heart, full of mercy; I want to
glorify it. Let Your mercy, O Jesus, be impressed upon my heart and soul like a
seal, and this will be my badge in this and the future life. Glorifying Your mercy
is the exclusive task of my life. August 15, 1937. Father Andrasz's instructions.
1243 "These times of dryness and stark awareness of one's wretchedness,
which God has permitted, allow the soul to know how little it can do by itself.
They will teach you how much you should appreciate God's graces. Secondly,
faithfulness in all exercises and duties, faithfulness in everything, just as in times
of joy. Thirdly, as regards the matters in question, be absolutely obedient to the
Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] although, from time to time, the matter can be
brought to his attention, but peacefully. Sometimes, a little bitter truth is
necessary." At the end of the conversation, I asked the priest to allow me to commune with
Jesus as I had done formerly. He answered, "I cannot give orders to the Lord
Jesus, but if He himself draws you to himself you may follow the attraction.
However, always remember to show Him great reverence, for the Lord is great
indeed. If you are truly seeking God's will in all this and desire to fulfill it, you
can be at peace; the Lord will not allow any sort of error. As to the
mortifications and sufferings, you will give me an account next time of how you
carry them out. Place yourself in the hands of the Most Holy Mother."
1244 August 15, 1937. During meditation, God's presence pervaded me
keenly, and I was aware of the Virgin Mary's joy at the moment of Her
Assumption. Towards the end of the ceremony carried out in honor of the
Mother of God, I saw the Virgin Mary, and She said to me, Oh, how very
pleased I am with the homage of your love! And at that moment She covered all
the sisters of our Congregation with Her mantle. With Her right hand, She
clasped Mother General Michael to herself, and with Her left hand She did so to
me, while all the sisters were at Her feet, covered with Her mantle. Then the
Mother of God said, Everyone who perseveres zealously till death in My
Congregation will be spared the fire of purgatory, and I desire that each one
distinguish herself by the following virtues: humility and meekness; chastity and
love of God and neighbor; compassion and mercy. After these words, the whole
Congregation disappeared from my sight, and I remained alone with the Most
Holy Mother who instructed me about the will of God and how to apply it to my
life, submitting completely to His most holy decrees. It is impossible for one to
please God without obeying His holy will. My daughter, I strongly recommend
that you faithfully fulfill all God's wishes, for that is most pleasing in His holy
eyes. I very much desire that you distinguish yourself in this faithfulness in
accomplishing God's will. Put the will of God before all sacrifices and
holocausts. While the heavenly Mother was talking to me, a deep understanding
of this will of God was entering my soul.
1245 My Jesus, delight of my heart, when my soul is filled with Your divinity, I
accept sweetness and bitterness with the same equanimity. One and the other
will pass away. All that I keep in my soul is the love of God. For this I strive; all
else is secondary.
1246 16 [August 1937]. After Holy Communion, I saw the Lord Jesus in all His
majesty, and He said to me, My daughter, during the weeks when you neither
saw Me nor felt My presence, I was more profoundly united to you than at
times [when you experienced] ecstasy. And the faithfulness and fragrance of
your prayer have reached Me. After these words, my soul became flooded with
God's consolation. I did not see Jesus, and there was only one word I could
utter and that was: "Jesus." And after pronouncing that Name, my soul was
again filled with light and deeper recollection, which lasted uninterruptedly for
three days. However, outwardly I could still carry out my usual duties. My whole being was stirred to its most secret depths. God's greatness does not
frighten me, but makes me happy. By giving Him glory, I myself am lifted up. On
seeing His happiness, I myself am made happy, because all that is in Him flows
back upon me.
1247 I came to know of the condition of a certain soul and of what in that soul
is displeasing to God. I learn it in the following way: I immediately feel pain in my
hands, my feet and my side, in those places where the hands, feet and side of
the Savior were pierced. At that same time, I receive knowledge of the soul's
condition and of the nature of the sin committed.
1248 I experience a desire to make reparation to the Lord Jesus in a way which
corresponds [to the offense]. Today I wore a chain belt for seven hours in order
to obtain the grace of repentance for that soul. In the seventh hour I felt relief as
the soul experienced interiorly the remission of its sin, although it had not yet
gone to confession. For sins of the flesh, I mortify the body and fast to the
degree that I am permitted. For sins of pride, I pray with my forehead touching
the floor. For sins of hatred, I pray and do some good deed for a person whom
I find difficult. And thus I make amends according to the nature of the sin of
which I am aware.
1249 19 [August 1937]. Today during adoration, the Lord gave me to know
how much He desires a soul to distinguish itself by deeds of love. And in spirit I
saw how many souls are calling out to us, "Give us God." And the blood of the
Apostles boiled up within me. I will not be stingy with it; I will shed it all to the
last drop for immortal souls. Although perhaps God will not demand that in the
physical sense, in spirit it is possible and no less meritorious.
1250 Today I realized that I was not to ask for a certain permission, but that I
was to respond to this matter as the Mother of God would have me do. For the
present, no explanations are necessary; peace has returned to me. I received
this inspiration just as I was on my way to make my examination of conscience,
and I was very worried because I did not know how to go about it. Divine light
can do more in one moment than I, fatiguing myself for several days.
1251 August 22. This morning Saint Barbara, Virgin, visited me and
recommended that I offer Holy Communion for nine days on behalf of my
country and thus appease. God's anger. This virgin was wearing a crown made
of stars and was holding a sword in her hand. The brilliance of the crown was
the same as that of the sword. With her white dress and her flowing hair, she
was so beautiful that if I had not already known the Virgin Mary I would have
thought that it was She. Now I understand that each virgin has a special beauty
all her own; a distinct beauty radiates from each of them.
1252 + August 25, 1937. Today Reverend Father Sopocko arrived and will
stay with us until the 30th. I was extremely glad, because only God knows how
ardently I wished to see him for the sake of the Work God is doing through him,
and this, even though the visit had some unpleasant aspects to it as well.
1253 + While he was celebrating Mass, I saw during the elevation the Crucified
Lord Jesus, who was disengaging His right arm from the cross, and the light
which was coming from the Wound was touching his arm. This happened in the
course of three Masses, and I understood that God would give him strength to
carry out this work despite difficulties and opposition. This soul, who is pleasing
to God, is being crucified by numerous sufferings, but I am not at all surprised,
for this is how God treats those He especially loves.
1254 + Today, the 29th, I received permission [207] to have a longer
conversation with Rev. Dr. Sopocko. I learned that, although there are
difficulties, the work is moving ahead, and that the Feast of Mercy is already far
advanced. It will not be long now before it becomes a reality, but much prayer is
still needed to bring an end to certain difficulties.
1255 "As concerns yourself, Sister, it is good that you are remaining in a state of
holy indifference in everything that pertains to the will of God, and that you are
better maintaining a state of equilibrium. Please do your best to keep this
equanimity. Now, as regards all these matters, you are to depend exclusively on
Father Andrasz; I am in complete agreement with him. Do nothing on your own,
Sister, but in all matters take counsel from your spiritual director. I beg you to
keep your levelheadedness and as great a calm as possible.One more thing-I am
having printed the chaplet which is to be on the back of the image, as well as the
invocations that resemble a litany; these too will be placed on the back. Another
large image has also been printed, and with it a few pages which contain the
Novena to The Divine Mercy. [208] Pray, Sister, that this be approved."
1256 [August] 30. Reverend Father Sopocko left this morning. When I was
steeped in a prayer of thanksgiving for the great grace that I had received from
God; namely, that of seeing Father, I became united in a special way with the
Lord who said to me, He is a priest after My own Heart; his efforts are pleasing
to Me. You see, My daughter, that My will must be done and that which I had
promised you, I shall do. Through him I spread comfort to suffering and
careworn souls. Through him it pleased Me to proclaim the worship of My
mercy. And through this work of mercy more souls will come close to Me than
otherwise would have, even if he had kept giving absolution day and night for
the rest of his life, because by so doing, he would have labored only for as long
as he lived; whereas, thanks to this work of mercy, he will be laboring till the
end of the world.
1257 I had undertaken to make a novena for the intention of seeing him, but I
did not even finish it before God granted me that grace.
1258 O my Jesus, how poorly I took advantage of this grace, but that did not
depend on me, though from another point of view, it did so very much.
1259 + During this conversation, I came to know his anguished soul. This
crucified soul resembles the Savior. Where he expects, with good reason, to
find consolation, he finds the cross. He lives among many friends, but has no one
but Jesus. This is how God strips the soul He especially loves.
1260 Today I heard these words: My daughter, be always like a little child
towards those who represent Me, otherwise you will not benefit from the graces
I bestow on you through them.
1261 September 1, 1937. I saw the Lord Jesus, like a king in great majesty,
looking down upon our earth with great severity; but because of His Mother's
intercession He prolonged the time of His mercy.
1262 September 3. First Friday of the month. During Holy Mass, I became
united with God. Jesus gave me to know that even the smallest thing does not
happen on earth without His will. After having seen this, my soul entered into an
unusual repose; I found myself completely at peace as to the work in its full
extent. God can deal with me as He pleases, and I will bless Him for everything.
1263 Up to now, I have been wondering, with some fear, where these
inspirations would lead me. My fear increased when the Lord made known to
me that I was to leave this Congregation. This is the third year passing by since
that time, and my soul has felt, in turns, enthusiasm and an urge to act-and then I
have a lot of courage and strength-and then again, when the decisive moment to
undertake the work draws near, I feel deserted by God, and because of this an
extraordinary fear pervades my soul, and I see that it is not the hour intended by
God to initiate the work. These are sufferings about which I don't even know
how to write. God alone knows what I put up with, day and night. It seems to
me that the worst torments of the martyrs would be easier for me to bear than
what I am going through, though without the shedding of a drop of blood. But all
this is for souls, for souls, Lord....
1264 Act of total abandonment to the will of God, which is for me, love and
mercy itself. Act of Oblation Jesus-Host, whom I have this very moment received into my heart, through this
union with You I offer myself to the heavenly Father as a sacrificial host,
abandoning myself totally and completely to the most merciful and holy will of
my God. From today onward, Your will, Lord, is my food. Take my whole
being; dispose of me as You please. Whatever Your fatherly hand gives me, I
will accept with submission, peace and joy. I fear nothing, no matter in what
direction You lead me; helped by Your grace I will carry out everything You
demand of me. I no longer fear any of Your inspirations nor do I probe
anxiously to see where they will lead me. Lead me, O God, along whatever
roads You please; I have placed all my trust in Your will which is, for me, love
and mercy itself. Bid me to stay in this convent, I will stay; bid me to undertake the work, I will
undertake it; leave me in uncertainty about the work until I die, be blessed; give
me death when, humanly speaking, my life seems particularly necessary, be
blessed. Should You take me in my youth, be blessed; should You let me live to
a ripe old age, be blessed. Should You give me health and strength, be blessed;
should You confine me to a bed of pain for my whole life, be blessed. Should
you give only failures and disappointments in life, be blessed. Should You allow
my purest intentions to be condemned, be blessed. Should You enlighten my
mind, be blessed. Should You leave me in darkness and all kinds of torments,
be blessed. From this moment on, I live in the deepest peace, because the Lord himself is
carrying me in the hollow of His hand. He, Lord of unfathomable mercy, knows
that I desire Him alone in all things, always and everywhere.
1265 Prayer. O Jesus, stretched out upon the cross, I implore You, give me the
grace of doing faithfully the most holy will of Your Father, in all things, always
and everywhere. And when this will of God will seem to me very harsh and
difficult to fulfill, it is then I beg You, Jesus, may power and strength flow upon
me from Your wounds, and may my lips keep repeating, "Your will be done, O
Lord." O Savior of the world, Lover of man's salvation, who in such terrible
torment and pain forget Yourself to think only of the salvation of souls, O most
compassionate Jesus, grant me the grace to forget myself that I may live totally
for souls, helping You in the work of salvation, according to the most holy will of
Your Father....
1266 August 5, [1937]. [209] The Lord let me know how much our dear
Mother Superior [Irene] is defending me against... not only by prayer but also
by deed. Thank You, Jesus, for this grace. It will not go unrequited in my heart;
when I am with Jesus, I do not forget about her.
1267 September 6, 1937. Today, I begin a new assignment. I go from the
garden to the desert of the gate. [210] I went in to talk to the Lord for a while. I
asked Him for a blessing and for graces to faithfully carry out the duties
entrusted to me. I heard these words: My daughter, I am always with you. I
have given you the opportunity to practice deeds of mercy which you will
perform according to obedience. You will give Me much pleasure if, each
evening, you will speak to Me especially about this task. I felt that Jesus had
given me a new grace in relation to my new duties; but, despite this, I have
locked myself deeper in His Heart.
1268 Today I felt more ill, but Jesus has given me many more opportunities on
this day to practice virtue. It so happened that I was busier than usual, and the
sister in charge of the kitchen made it clear to me how irritated she was that I
had come late for dinner, although it was quite impossible for me to have come
sooner. At any rate, I felt so unwell that I had to ask Mother Superior to allow
me to lie down. I went to ask Sister N. to take my place, and again I got a
scolding: "What is this, Sister, you're so exhausted that you're going back to bed
again! Confound you with all this lying in bed!" I put up with all that, but that
wasn't the end. I still had to ask the sister who was in charge of the sick to bring
me my meal. When I told her this, she burst out of the chapel into the corridor
after me to give me a piece of her mind: "Why on earth are you going to bed,
Sister, etc...... I asked her not to bother bringing me anything. I am writing all
this very briefly because it is not my intention to write about such things, and I
am doing so merely to dissuade souls from treating others in this way, for this is
displeasing to the Lord. In a suffering soul we should see Jesus Crucified, and
not a loafer or burden on the community. A soul who suffers with submission to
the will of God draws down more blessings on the whole convent than all the
working sisters. Poor indeed is a convent where there are no sick sisters. God
often grants many and great graces out of regard for the souls who are suffering,
and He withholds many punishments solely because of the suffering souls.
1269 O my Jesus, when shall we look upon souls with higher motives in mind?
When will our judgments be true? You give us occasions to practice deeds of
mercy, and instead we use the occasions to pass judgment. In order to know
whether the love of God flourishes in a convent, one must ask how they treat the
sick, the disabled, and the infirm who are there.
1270 September 10, [1937]. I learned in the course of meditation that the purer
the soul, the greater her communion with God on the spiritual level. She pays
little heed to the senses and their protests. God is a Spirit, and so I love Him in
spirit and in truth.
1271 When I heard how dangerous it was to be at the gate these days because
of revolutionary disturbances and how many evil people have a hatred for
convents, I went in and had a talk with the Lord and asked Him to so arrange it
that no evil person would dare come to the gate. Then I heard these words: My
daughter, the moment you went to the gate I set a Cherub over it to guard it. Be
at peace. After returning from my conversation with the Lord, I saw a little white
cloud and, in it, a Cherub with his hands joined. His gaze was like lightning, and
I understood how the fire of God's love burns in that look....
1272 September 14, 1937. Exaltation of the Holy Cross. Today I saw what
great opposition this priest [Father Sopocko] is experiencing in regard to this
whole matter. Even devout souls who are zealous for God's glory are opposing
him. That he is not discouraged by all this is due to a special grace of God.
1273 Jesus: My daughter, do you think you have written enough about My
mercy? What you have written is but a drop compared to the ocean. I am Love
and Mercy itself. There is no misery that could be a match for My mercy,
neither will misery exhaust it, because as it is being granted-it increases. The soul
that trusts in My mercy is most fortunate, because I myself take care of it.
1274 I experience great torments of soul when I see God offended. Today I
recognized that mortal sins were being committed not far from our door. It was
evening. I prayed earnestly in the chapel, and then I went to scourge myself.
When I knelt down to pray, however, the Lord allowed me to experience how a
soul rejected by God suffers. It seems to me that my heart was torn to pieces,
and at the same time I understood how much such a soul wounds the most
merciful Heart of Jesus. The poor creature does not want to accept God's
mercy. The more God has pursued a soul with His mercy, the more just will He
be towards it.
1275 My Secretary, write that I am more generous toward sinners than toward
the just. It was for their sake that I came down from heaven; it was for their
sake that My Blood was spilled. Let them not fear to approach Me; they are
most in need of My mercy.
1276 September 16, 1937. I wanted very much to make a Holy Hour before
the Blessed Sacrament today, but God's will was otherwise. At eight o'clock I
was seized with such violent pains that I had to go to bed at once. I was
convulsed with pain for three hours; that is, until eleven o'clock at night. No
medicine had any effect on me, and whatever I swallowed I threw up. At times,
the pains caused me to lose consciousness. Jesus had me realize that in this way
I took part in His Agony in the Garden, and that He himself allowed these
sufferings in order to offer reparation to God for the souls murdered in the
wombs of wicked mothers. I have gone through these sufferings three times
now. They always start at eight o'clock in the evening and last until eleven. No
medicine can lessen these sufferings. When eleven o'clock comes, they cease by
themselves, and I fall asleep at that moment. The following day, I feel very
weak. This happened to me for the first time when I was at the sanatorium. The
doctors couldn't get to the bottom of it, and no injection or medicine helped me
at all nor did I myself have any idea of what the sufferings were about. I told the
doctor that never before in my life had I experienced such sufferings, and he
declared he did not know what sort of pains they are. But now I understand the
nature of these pains, because the Lord himself has made this known to me....
Yet when I think that I may perhaps suffer in this way again, I tremble. But I
don't know whether I'll ever again suffer in this way; I leave that to God. What it
pleases God to send, I will accept with submission and love. If only I could save
even one soul from murder by means of these sufferings!
1277 On the day after these sufferings, I can sense the condition of souls and
their disposition towards God; I am pervaded with true knowledge.
1278 I receive Holy Communion in the manner of the angels, so to speak. My
soul is filled with God's light and nourishes itself from Him. My feelings are as if
dead. This is a purely spiritual union with God; it is a great predominance of
spirit over nature.
1279 The Lord gave me knowledge of the graces which He has been constantly
lavishing on me. This light pierced me through and through, and I came to
understand the inconceivable favors that God has been bestowing on me. I
stayed in my cell for a long act of thanksgiving, lying face down on the ground
and shedding tears of gratitude. I could not rise from the ground because,
whenever I tried to do so, God's light gave me new knowledge of His grace. It
was only at the third attempt that I was able to get up. As His child, I felt that
everything the heavenly Father possessed was equally mine. He himself lifted me
from the ground up to His Heart. I felt that everything that existed was
exclusively mine, but I had no desire for it all, because God alone is enough for me.
1280 Today I learned with what aversion the Lord comes to a certain soul in
Holy Communion. He goes to that heart as to a dark prison, to undergo torture
and affliction. I kept begging His pardon and offering atonement for the offense.
1281 The Lord made known to me that I would see my brother [Stanley [211]
], but I could not understand how this would happen or why he should come to
visit me. I knew that God had given him the grace of a religious vocation, but
why should he be coming to visit me? However, I put aside these thoughts and
believed that if the Lord had given me to know he would come, that was enough
for me. I fixed my thoughts on God, putting aside every I preoccupation with
creatures and entrusting everything to the Lord.
1282 + When the same poor people come to the gate a second time, I treat
them with greater gentleness, and I do not let them see that I know they have
been here before; [I do this] in order not to embarrass them. And then they
speak to me freely about their troubles and needs. Although Sister N. tells me that is not the way to deal with beggars, and slams
the door in their faces, when she is not there, I treat them as my Master would.
Sometimes more is given when giving nothing, than when giving much in a rude manner.
1283 Often the Lord gives me interior knowledge concerning the persons I meet
at the gate. One pitiable soul wanted to tell me a bit about herself. Taking
advantage of the opportunity, I made her understand, in a delicate way, the
miserable condition of her soul. She went away with a better disposition.
1284 September 17, [1937.] O Jesus, I see so much beauty scattered around
me, beauty for which I give You constant thanks. But I see that some souls are
like stone, always cold and unfeeling. Even miracles hardly move them. Their
eyes are always fixed on their feet, and so they see nothing but themselves.
1285 You have surrounded my life with Your tender and loving care, more than
I can comprehend, for I will understand Your goodness in its entirety only when
the veil is lifted. I desire that my whole life be but one act of thanksgiving to
You, O God.
1286 + Thank You, O God, for all the graces Which unceasingly You lavish upon me, Graces which enlighten me with the brilliance of the sun, For by them You show me the sure way. Thank You, 0 Lord, for creating me, For calling me into being from nothingness, For imprinting Your divinity on my soul, The work of sheer merciful love. Thank You, O God, for Holy Baptism Which engrafted me into Your family, A gift great beyond all thought or expression Which transforms my soul. Thank You, O Lord, for Holy Confession, For that inexhaustible spring of great mercy, For that inconceivable fountain of graces In which sin-tainted souls become purified. Thank You, O Jesus, for Holy Communion In which You give us Yourself. I feel Your Heart beating within my breast As You cause Your divine life to unfold within me. Thank You, O Holy Spirit, for the Sacrament of Confirmation, Which dubs me Your knight And gives strength to my soul at each moment, Protecting me from evil. Thank You, O God, for the grace of a vocation. For being called to serve You alone, Leading me to make You my sole love, An unequal honor for my soul. Thank You, O Lord, for perpetual vows, For that union of pure love, For having deigned to unite Your pure heart with mine And uniting my heart to Yours in the purest of bonds. Thank You, O Lord, for the Sacrament of Anointing Which, in my final moments, will give me strength; My help in battle, my guide to salvation, Fortifying my soul till we rejoice forever. Thank You, O God, for all the inspirations That Your goodness lavishes upon me, For the interior lights given my soul, Which the heart senses, but words cannot express. Thank You, O Holy Trinity, for the vastness of the graces Which You have lavished on me unceasingly through life. My gratitude will intensify as the eternal dawn rises, When, for the first time, I sing to Your glory.
1287 + Despite the peace in my soul, I fight a continuous battle with the enemy
of my soul. More and more, I am discovering his traps, and the battle flares up
anew. During interludes of calm, I exercise myself and keep watch, lest the
enemy find me unprepared. And when I see his great fury, I stay inside the
stronghold; that is, the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus.
1288 September 19, [1937]. Today, the Lord told me, My daughter, write that
it pains Me very much when religious souls receive the Sacrament of Love
merely out of habit, as if they did not distinguish this food. I find neither faith nor
love in their hearts. I go to such souls with great reluctance. It would be better if
they did not receive Me.
1289 Most sweet Jesus, set on fire my love for You and transform me into
Yourself. Divinize me that my deeds may be pleasing to You. May this be
accomplished by the power of the Holy Communion which I receive daily. Oh,
how greatly I desire to be wholly transformed into You, O Lord!
1290 September 19, 1937. Today, my own brother, Stanley, visited me. I
rejoiced greatly in this beautiful soul, who also intends to devote himself to
God's service. That is to say, God himself is drawing him to His love. We talked
for a long time about God, about His goodness. During this conversation with
him, l learned how pleasing his soul was to God. I received permission from
Mother Superior to see him more often. When he asked my advice about
entering religion, I replied, "Surely you know best what God is asking of you." I
mentioned the Jesuit Order, but said, "Enter wherever you like." I promised to
pray for him, and I decided to make a novena to the Sacred Heart through the
intercession of Father Peter Skarga with the promise of having it announced in
the Messenger of the Sacred Heart, [212] because he is having great difficulties
in this matter. I understood that, in this case, prayer was more useful than advice.
1291 September 21. Having awakened several times during the night, I thanked
God briefly, but with all my heart, for all the graces He has given to me and to
our Congregation, [and] I reflected on His great goodness.
1292 When I received Holy Communion, I said to Him, "Jesus, I thought about
You so many times last night," and Jesus answered me, And I thought of you
before I called you into being. "Jesus, in what way were You thinking about
me?" In terms of admitting you to My eternal happiness. After these words, my
soul was flooded with the love of God. I could not stop marveling at how much
God loves us.
1293 It so happened that I fell again into a certain error, in spite of a sincere
resolution not to do so-even though the lapse was a minor imperfection and
rather involuntary-and at this I felt such acute pain in my soul that I interrupted
my work and went to the chapel for a while. Falling at the feet of Jesus, with
love and a great deal of pain, I apologized to the Lord, all the more ashamed
because of the fact that in my conversation with Him after Holy Communion this
very morning I had promised to be faithful to Him. Then I heard these words: If
it hadn't been for this small imperfection, you wouldn't have come to Me. Know
that as often as you come to Me, humbling yourself and asking My forgiveness,
I pour out a superabundance of graces on your soul, and your imperfection
vanishes before My eyes, and I see only your love and your humility. You lose
nothing but gain much...
1294 The Lord has given me to know that when a soul does not accept the
graces intended for it, another soul receives them immediately. O my Jesus,
make me worthy of accepting Your graces because, of myself, I can do nothing.
Without Your help, I cannot even utter Your Name worthily.
1295 September 25, [1937.] When I learned how great are the difficulties in
this whole work, I went to the Lord and said, "Jesus, don't You see how they
are hindering Your work?" And I heard a voice in my soul: Do as much as is in
your power, and don't worry about the rest. These difficulties prove that this
work is Mine. Be at peace so long as you do all that is in your power.
1296 Today, I opened the gate for Mother Superior and knew interiorly that
she was going to town on business regarding the work of the Divine Mercy. It is
this superior who has contributed most to this whole work of mercy.
1297 Today I imprudently asked two poor children if they really had nothing to
eat at home. The children, without answering me, walked away from the gate. I
understood how difficult it was for them to speak about their poverty, so I went
after them in a hurry and brought. them back, giving them as much as I had
permission for.
1298 O God, show me Your mercy According to the compassion of the Heart of Jesus. Hear my sighs and entreaties, And the tears of a contrite heart. O Omnipotent, ever-merciful God, Your compassion is never exhausted. Although my misery is as vast as the sea, I have complete trust in the mercy of the Lord. O Eternal Trinity, yet ever-gracious God, Your compassion is without measure. And so I trust in the sea of Your mercy, And sense You, Lord, though a veil holds me aloof. May the omnipotence of Your mercy, O Lord, Be glorified all over the world. May its veneration never cease. Proclaim, my soul, God's mercy with fervor.
1299 September 27, [1937]. Today, Mother Superior and I went to see a
certain gentleman [213] where they were printing and painting small holy cards
of The Divine Mercy, and also the invocations and the chaplet, which have
already received approbation. And we were also to see the improved larger
image. [214] It very much resembles the original. This made me very happy.
1300 When I looked at this image, I was pierced with such a lively love for God
that, for a moment, I did not know where I was. When we had finished our
business, we went to the Church of the Most Holy Virgin Mary. We attended
Holy Mass, during which the Lord gave me to know what a great number of
souls would attain salvation through this work. Then I entered into an intimate
conversation with the Lord, thanking Him for having condescended to grant me
the grace of seeing how the veneration of His unfathomable mercy is spreading.
I immersed myself in a profound prayer of thanksgiving. Oh, how great is God's
generosity! Blessed be the Lord, who is faithful in His promises...
1301 It is extraordinary how Mother Irene has so much light from God
concerning this whole matter. She was the first to allow me to carry out the
Lord's wishes, although it was not until two years after the revelation that she
became my superior. And despite this fact, she was the first to go with me when
the painting of the image was first undertaken. And now again, when some
things concerning the Divine Mercy are being published, and small holy cards
are being printed, again it is she who is going with me [to take care of] this
matter. God has ordained all this in a mysterious way, because this was begun in
Vilnius, and now God's will has so directed the circumstances that this matter is
being continued in Cracow. I know how pleasing this superior is to God; I see
how God is directing everything and wants me to be under her protection during
these important times.... Thank You, Lord, for such superiors, who live in the
love and fear of God. That is why I pray for her most of all, because she has put
herself out the most for the sake of this work of Divine Mercy....
1302 September 29, [1937]. Today, I have come to understand many of God's
mysteries. I have come to know that Holy Communion remains in me until the
next Holy Communion. A vivid and clearly felt presence of God continues in my
soul. The awareness of this plunges me into deep recollection, without the
slightest effort on my part. My heart is a living tabernacle in which the living Host
is reserved. I have never sought God in some far-off place, but within myself. It
is in the depths of my own being that I commune with my God.
1303 My God, despite all the graces, I long without cease to be eternally united
with my God; and the better I know Him, the more ardently I desire Him. J.M.J.
1304 With longing I gaze into the starlit sky, Into the sapphire of fathomless firmaments. There the pure heart leaps out to find You, O God, And yearns to be freed of the bonds of the flesh. With great longing, I gaze upon you, my homeland, When will this, my exile, come to an end? O Jesus, such is the call of Your bride Who suffers agony in her thirst for You. With longing, I gaze at the footprints of the saints Who crossed this wilderness on their way to the fatherland. They left me the example of their virtue and their counsels, And they say to me, "Patience, Sister, soon the fetters will break." But my longing soul hears not these words. Ardently it yearns for its Lord and its God, And it understands not human language, Because it is enamored of Him alone. My longing soul, wounded with love, Forces its way through all created things And unites itself with infinite eternity, With the Lord whom my heart has espoused. Allow my longing soul, O God, To be drowned in Your Divine Three-fold Essence. Fulfill my desires, for which I humbly beg You, With a heart brimming with love's fire.
1305 A certain person came to the door today and asked to be admitted as one
of our students. But she could not be admitted. She was in great need of our
house. During the conversation which I had with her, the Passion of Jesus was
renewed in me. When she had gone, I undertook one of the severest
mortifications. Nevertheless, the next time I will not let such a soul get away. For
three days I suffered much on her account. How much I regret that our
institutions are so small and that they cannot accommodate a greater number of
souls. My Jesus, You know how much I grieve over every straying sheep....
1306 + O humility, lovely flower, I see how few souls possess you. Is it because
you are so beautiful and at the same time so difficult to attain? O yes, it is both
the one and the other. Even God takes great pleasure in her. The floodgates of
heaven are open to a humble soul, and a sea of graces flows down upon her. O
how beautiful is a humble soul! From her heart, as from a censer, rises a varied
and most pleasing fragrance which breaks through the skies and reaches God
himself, filling His Most Sacred Heart with joy. God refuses nothing to such a
soul; she is all-powerful and influences the destiny of the whole world. God
raises such a soul up to His very throne, and the more she humbles herself, the
more God stoops down to her, pursuing her with His graces and accompanying
her at every moment with His omnipotence. Such a soul is most deeply united
with God. O humility, strike deep roots in my whole being. O Virgin most pure,
but also most humble, help me to attain deep humility. Now I understand why
there are so few saints; it is because so few souls are deeply humble.
1307 Eternal Love, Depth of Mercy, O Triune Holiness, yet One God, whose
bosom is full of love for all, as a good Father You scorn no one. O Love of
God, Living Fountain, pour Yourself out upon us, Your unworthy creatures.
May our misery not hold back the torrents of Your love, for indeed, there is no
limit to Your mercy.
1308 + Jesus, I have noticed that You seem to be less concerned with me. Yes,
My child, I am replacing Myself with your spiritual director [Father Andrasz].
He is taking care of you according to My will. Respect his every word as My
own. He is the veil behind which I am hiding. Your director and I are one; his
words are My words.
1309 When I make the Way of the Cross, I am deeply moved at the twelfth
station. Here I reflect on the omnipotence of God's mercy which passed through
the Heart of Jesus. In this open wound of the Heart of Jesus I enclose all poor
humans... and those individuals whom I love, as often as I make the Way of the
Cross. From that Fount of Mercy issued the two rays; that is, the Blood and the
Water. With the immensity of their grace they flood the whole world....
1310 When one is ill and weak, one must constantly make efforts to measure up
to what others are doing as a matter of course. But even those matter-of-course
things cannot always be managed. Nevertheless, thank You, Jesus, for
everything, because it is not the greatness of the works, but the greatness of the
effort that will be rewarded. What is done out of love is not small, O my Jesus,
for Your eyes see everything. I do not know why I feel so terribly unwell in the
morning; I have to muster all my strength to get out of bed, sometimes even to
the point of heroism. The thought of Holy Communion gives me back a little
more strength. And so, the day starts with a struggle and ends with a struggle.
When I go to take my rest, I feel like a soldier returning from the battlefield. You
alone, my Lord and Master, know what this day has contained.
1311 Meditation. During meditation, the sister on the kneeler next to mine keeps
coughing and clearing her throat, sometimes without a break. It occurred to me
once that I might take another place for the time of the meditation, because
Mass had already been offered. But then I thought that if I did change my place,
the sister would notice this and might feel hurt that I had moved away from her.
So I decided to continue in prayer in my usual place, and to offer this act of
patience to God. Toward the end of the meditation, my soul was flooded with
God's consolation, and this to the limit of what my heart could bear; and the
Lord gave me to know that if I had moved away from that sister I would have
moved away also from those graces that flowed into my soul.
1312 + Jesus came to the main entrance today, under the guise of a poor young
man. This young man, emaciated, barefoot and bareheaded, and with his clothes
in tatters, was frozen because the day was cold and rainy. He asked for
something hot to eat. So I went to the kitchen, but found nothing there for the
poor. But, after searching around for some time, I succeeded in finding some
soup, which I reheated and into which I crumbled some bread, and I gave it to
the poor young man, who ate it. As I was taking the bowl from him, he gave me
to know that He was the Lord of heaven and earth. When I saw Him as He
was, He vanished from my sight. When I went back in and reflected on what
had happened at the gate, I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, the
blessings of the poor who bless Me as they leave this gate have reached My
ears. And your compassion, within the bounds of obedience, has pleased Me,
and this is why I came down from My throne-to taste the fruits of your mercy.
1313 O my Jesus, now everything is clear to me, and I understand all that has
just happened. I somehow felt and asked myself what sort of a poor man is this
who radiates such modesty. From that moment on, there was stirred up in my
heart an even purer love toward the poor and the needy. Oh, how happy I am
that my superiors have given me such a task! I understand that mercy is
manifold; one can do good always and everywhere and at all times. An ardent
love of God sees all around itself constant opportunities to share itself through
deed, word and prayer. Now I understand the words which You spoke to me,
O Lord, some time ago.
1314 + Oh, what great efforts I must make to carry out my duties well when my
health is so poor! This will be known to You alone, 0 Christ.
1315 + In times of interior desolation I do not lose my peace, because I know
that God never abandons a soul, except perhaps only when the soul itself breaks
the bond of love by its unfaithfulness. However, all creatures without exception
depend on the Lord and are maintained by His omnipotence. Some are under
the rule of love, others under the rule of justice. It depends on us under which
rule we want to live, because no one is refused the aid of sufficient grace. I am
not frightened at all by my apparent abandonment. I examine myself more
profoundly to discover whether this is due to my fault. If this is not the case-then
may [the Lord] be blessed!
1316 October 1, 1937. Daughter, I need sacrifice lovingly accomplished,
because that alone has meaning for Me. Enormous indeed are the debts of the
world which are due to Me; pure souls can pay them by their sacrifice,
exercising mercy in spirit.
1317 I understand Your words, Lord, and the magnitude of the mercy that
ought to shine in my soul. Jesus: I know, My daughter, that you understand it
and that you do everything within your power. But write this for the many souls
who are often worried because they do not have the material means with which
to carry out an act of mercy. Yet spiritual mercy, which requires neither
permissions nor storehouses, is much more meritorious and is within the grasp of
every soul. If a soul does not exercise mercy somehow or other, it will not
obtain My mercy on the day of judgment. Oh, if only souls knew how to gather
eternal treasure for themselves, they would not be judged, for they would
forestall My judgment with their mercy.
1318 October 10, [1937]. O my Jesus, in thanksgiving for Your many graces, I
offer You my body and soul, intellect and will, and all the sentiments of my
heart. Through the vows, I have given myself entirely to You; I have then nothing
more that I can offer You. Jesus said to me, My daughter, you have not offered
Me that which is really yours. I probed deeply into myself and found that I love
God with all the faculties of my soul and, unable to see what it was that I had not
yet given to the Lord, I asked, "Jesus, tell me what it is, and I will give it to You
at once with a generous heart." Jesus said to me with kindness, Daughter, give
Me your misery, because it is your exclusive property. At that moment, a ray of
light illumined my soul, and I saw the whole abyss of my misery. In that same
moment I nestled close to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus with so much trust
that even if I had the sins of all the damned weighing on my conscience, I would
not have doubted God's mercy but, with a heart crushed to dust, I would have
thrown myself into the abyss of Your mercy. I believe, O Jesus, that You would
not reject me, but would absolve me through the hand of Your representative.
1319 You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the
ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world. O Fount of Life, unfathomable
Divine Mercy, envelop the whole world and empty Yourself out upon us.
1320 At three o'clock, implore My mercy, especially for sinners; and, if only for
a brief moment, immerse yourself in My Passion, particularly in My
abandonment at the moment of agony. This is the hour of great mercy for the
whole world. I will allow you to enter into My mortal sorrow. In this hour, I will
refuse nothing to the soul that makes a request of Me in virtue of My Passion.... + J. M. J.
1321 Hail, most merciful Heart of Jesus, Living Fountain of all graces, Our sole shelter, our only refuge; In You I have the light of hope. Hail, most compassionate Heart of my God, Unfathomable living Fount of Love From which gushes life for sinful man And the Spring of all sweetness. Hail, open Wound of the Most Sacred Heart, From which the rays of mercy issued forth And from which it was given us to draw life With the vessel of trust alone. Hail, God's goodness, incomprehensible, Never to be measured or fathomed, Full of love and mercy, though always holy, Yet, like a good mother, ever bent o'er us. Hail, Throne of Mercy, Lamb of God, Who gave Your life in sacrifice for me, Before whom my soul humbles itself daily, Living in faith profound. [End of Notebook Four] Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 5
1322 + J.M.J. The barque of my life sails along Amid darkness and shadows of night, And I see no shore; I am sailing the high seas. The slightest storm would drown me, Engulfing my boat in the swirling depths, If You yourself did not watch over me, O God, At each instant and moment of my life. Amid the roaring waves I sail peacefully, trustingly, And gaze like a child into the distance without fear, Because You, O Jesus, are my Light. Dread and terror is all about me, But within my soul is peace more profound than the depths of the sea, For he who is with You, O Lord, will not perish; Of this Your love assures me, O God. Though a host of dangers surround me, None of them do I fear, for I fix my gaze on the starry sky, And I sail along bravely and merrily, As becomes a pure heart. And if the ship of my life sails so peacefully, This is due to but one thing above all: You are my helmsman, O God. This I confess with utmost humility. + J.M.J.
1323 O my God, I love You. Sister Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament. Cracow, October 20, 1937.
1324 + I bow down before You, O Bread of Angels, With deep faith, hope and love And from the depths of my soul I worship You, Though I am but nothingness. I bow down before You, O hidden God And love You with all my heart. The veils of mystery hinder me not at all; I love You as do Your chosen ones in heaven. I bow down before You, O Lamb of God Who take away the sins of my soul, Whom I receive into my heart each morn, You who are my saving help. + J. M. J. Cracow, October 20, 1937. Fifth Notebook
1325 O my God, let everything that is in me praise You, my Lord and Creator;
and with every beat of my heart I want to praise Your unfathomable mercy. I
want to tell souls of Your goodness and encourage them to trust in Your mercy.
That is my mission, which You yourself have entrusted to me, O Lord, in this life
and in the life to come.
1326 We are beginning an eight-day retreat today [215] Jesus, my Master, help
me to make these holy retreat exercises with the greatest fervor possible. May
Your Spirit guide me, O God, into the most profound depths of knowledge of
Yourself, and of my own self as well. For I shall love You only as much as I
shall come to know You. And I shall despise myself only as much as I shall
come to know my misery. I know, Lord, that You will not refuse me Your help.
I desire to come out of this retreat a saint, even though human eyes will not
notice this, not even those of the superiors. I abandon myself entirely to the
action of Your grace. Let Your will be accomplished entirely in me, O Lord.
1327 First day. Jesus: My daughter, this retreat will be an uninterrupted
contemplation. I will bring you into this retreat as into a spiritual banquet. Close
to My merciful Heart, you will meditate upon all the graces your heart has
received, and a deep peace will accompany your soul. I want the eyes of your
soul to be always fixed on My holy will, since it is in this way that you will please
Me most. No sacrifices can be compared to this. Throughout all the exercises
you will remain close to My Heart. You shall not undertake any reforms,
because I will dispose of your whole life as I see fit. The priest who will preach
the retreat will not speak a single word which will trouble you.
1328 My Jesus, I have already made two meditations, and I recognize, through
them, that everything You have said is true. I am experiencing a profound peace,
and this peace flows from the witness of my conscience; that is to say, that I am
always doing Your will, O Lord.
1329 In the meditation on the goal of man, I understood that this truth is deeply
rooted in my soul, and that my deeds are therefore the more perfect. I know
why I was created. All creatures taken together cannot take the place, for me,
of my Creator. I know that God is my ultimate goal and so, in whatever I
undertake, I take God into account.
1330 + Oh, how good it is to spend a retreat close to the most sweet heart of
my God. I am in the wilderness with my Beloved. No one interrupts my sweet
conversation with Him.
1331 Jesus, You yourself have deigned to lay the foundations of my sanctity, as
my cooperation has not amounted to much. You have taught me to set no store
on the use and choice of created things, because my heart is, of itself, so weak.
And this is why I have asked You, O my Master, to take no heed of the pain of
my heart, but to cut l away whatever might hold me back from the path of love.
I did not understand You, Lord, in times of sorrow, when You were effecting
Your work in my soul; but today I understand You and rejoice in my freedom of
spirit. Jesus himself has seen to it that my heart has not been caught in the snares
of any passion. I have come to know well from what dangers He has delivered
me, and therefore my gratitude to my God knows no bounds.
1332 Second day. As I was meditating on the sin of the Angels and their
immediate punishment, I asked Jesus why the Angels had been punished as
soon as they had sinned. I heard a voice: Because of their profound knowledge
of God. No person on earth, even though a great saint, has such knowledge of
God as an Angel has. Nevertheless, to me who am so miserable, You have
shown Your mercy, O God, and this, time and time again. You carry me in the
bosom of Your mercy and forgive me every time that I ask Your forgiveness
with a contrite heart.
1333 Profound silence engulfs my soul. Not a single cloud hides the sun from
me. I lay myself entirely open to its rays, that His love may effect a complete
transformation in me. I want to come out of this retreat a saint, and this, in spite
of everything; that is to say, in spite of my wretchedness, I want to become a
saint, and I trust that God's mercy can make a saint even out of such misery as I
am, because I am utterly in good will. In spite of all my defeats, I want to go on
fighting like a holy soul and to comport myself like a holy soul. I will not be
discouraged by anything, just as nothing can discourage a soul who is holy. I
want to live and die like a holy soul, with my eyes fixed on You, Jesus, stretched
out on the Cross, as the model for my actions. I used to look around me for
examples and found nothing which sufficed, and I noticed that my state of
holiness seemed to falter. But from now on, my eyes are fixed on You, 0 Christ,
who are for me the best of guides. I am confident that You will bless my efforts.
1334 + In the meditation on sin, the Lord gave me to know all the malice of sin
and the ingratitude that is contained in it. I feel within my soul a great aversion
for even the smallest sin. However, the eternal truths I have been meditating on
do not bring even a shadow of disturbance or unrest into my soul. And although
I take them very much to heart, my contemplation is not thereby interrupted. In
this contemplation, it is not transports of the heart that I experience, but a depth
of peace and a wonderful silence. Although my love is great, I experience an
extraordinary equilibrium. Even receiving the Eucharist causes no feeling, but
brings me to a depth of union where my love and God's love are fused together
as one.
1335 + Jesus has made known to me that I should pray for the sisters who are
making the retreat. During prayer, I learned of the struggle that some are
undergoing, and I redoubled my prayers.
1336 + In this profound silence, I am better able to judge the condition of my
soul. My soul is like clear water in which I can see everything: both my misery
and the vastness of God's graces. And owing to this true knowledge of itself, my
spirit is strengthened in deep humility. I expose my heart to the action of Your
grace like a crystal exposed to the rays of the sun. May Your image be reflected
in it, O my God, to the extent that it is possible to be reflected in the heart of a
creature. Let Your divinity radiate through me, O You who dwell in my soul.
1337 As I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament and greeting the five
wounds of Jesus, at each salutation I felt a torrent of graces gushing into my
soul, giving me a foretaste of heaven and absolute confidence in God's mercy.
1338 As I write these words, I hear the cry of Satan: "She's 'writing everything,
she's writing everything, and because of this we are losing so much! Do not
write about the goodness of God; He is just!" And howling with fury, he
vanished.
1339 O merciful God, You do not despise us, but lavish Your graces on us
continuously. You make us fit to enter ` Your kingdom, and in Your goodness
You grant that human beings may fill the places vacated by the ungrateful angels.
O God of great mercy, who turned Your sacred gaze away from the rebellious
angels and turned it upon contrite man, praise and glory be to Your
unfathomable mercy, O God who do not despise the lowly heart.
1340 My Jesus, despite these graces which You send upon me, I feel that my
nature, ennobled thought it be, is not completely stilled; and so I keep a constant
watch. I must struggle with many faults, knowing well that it is not the struggle
which debases one, but cowardice and failure.
1341 When one's health is poor, there is much one has to bear. For when one is
ill, but not in bed, one is not considered to be ill. For many reasons, therefore,
there are constant occasions for sacrifices, and sometimes big ones. I
understand now that only in eternity will many things be revealed. But I also
understand that if God demands a sacrifice, He does not withhold His grace, but
gives it to the soul in abundance.
1342 My Jesus, let my sacrifice burn before Your throne in all silence, but with
the full force of love, as I beg You to have mercy on souls.
1343 Third day. In the meditation on death, I prepared myself as if for real
death. I examined my conscience and searched all my affairs at the approach of
death and, thanks be to grace, my affairs were directed toward that ultimate
goal. This filled my heart with great gratitude to God, and I resolved to serve my
God even more faithfully in the future. One thing alone is necessary: to put my
old self to death and to begin a new life. In the morning, I prepared to receive
Holy Communion as if it were to be the last in my life, and after Holy
Communion I brought before my imagination my actual death, and I said the
prayers for the dying and then the De Profundis for my own soul. My body was
lowered into the grave, and I said to my soul, "See what has become of your
body, a heap of dirt teeming with vermin-that is your inheritance."
1344 O merciful God, who still allow me to live, give me strength that I may live
a new life, the life of the spirit, over which death has no dominion. And with that,
my heart was renewed, and I began a new life while still here on earth, a life of
love of God. Nevertheless, I do not forget that I am weakness itself, though I do
not doubt even for a moment that I will obtain the help of Your grace, O God.
1345 + Fourth day. O Jesus, I have been feeling extraordinarily well, close to
Your Heart, during this retreat. Nothing disturbs the depths of my peace. With
one eye, I gaze on the abyss of my misery and with the other, on the abyss of
Your mercy.
1346 During Holy Mass, which was celebrated by Father Andrasz, I saw the
Infant Jesus who, with hands outstretched toward us, was sitting in the chalice
being used at Holy Mass. After gazing at me penetratingly, He spoke these
words: As you see Me in this chalice, so I dwell in your heart.
1347 + Holy Confession. After giving an account of my conscience, I was given
the permissions I asked for: to wear the bracelet for half an hour every day
during Holy Mass, and in times of difficulty, to wear the belt for two hours.
[Father said,] "Sister, persevere in this great faithfulness to the Lord Jesus."
1348 Fifth day. When I entered the chapel this morning, I learned that Mother
Superior had had some trouble on my account. This hurt me very much. After
Holy Communion, I leaned my head on the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus and
said, "O my Lord, I beg You, let all the consolation that I am experiencing
through Your presence in my heart be poured out into the soul of my dear
Mother Superior, who has had some trouble because of me, and this
involuntarily on my part."
1349 Jesus comforted me, saying that both our souls had benefited from this.
But I begged the Lord to deign to spare me from being the occasion of anyone's
suffering, as my heart could not bear this.
1350 O white Host, You preserve my soul in whiteness; I fear the day when I
might forsake You. You are the Bread of Angels, and thus also the Bread of
Virgins.
1351 Jesus, my most perfect model, with my eyes fixed on You, I will go
through life in Your footsteps, adapting nature to grace, according to Your most
holy will and Your light which illumines my soul, trusting completely in Your help. + J.M.J.
1352 Chart of inner control [216] Particular examen. Unity with the merciful Christ. Because I am united to Jesus, I must be faithful
always and everywhere, and I must be interiorly united with the Lord, while
exteriorly observing fidelity to the rule, particularly that of silence.
1353 See Chart
1354 When I hesitate on how to act in some situations, I always ask love. It
advises best.
1355 See Chart
1356 Sixth day. O my God, I am ready to accept Your will in every detail,
whatever it may be. However You may direct me, I will bless You. Whatever
You ask of me I will do with the help of Your grace. Whatever Your holy will
regarding me might be, I accept it with my whole heart and soul, taking no
account of what my corrupt nature tells me.
1357 Once, when I was passing by a group of people, I asked the Lord if they
were all in the state of grace, because I did not feel His sufferings. Because you
do not feel My sufferings, it does not follow that they must all be in the state of
grace. At times, I allow you to be aware of the condition of certain souls, and I
give you the grace of suffering solely because I use you as the instrument of their
conversion.
1358 Where there is genuine virtue, there must be sacrifice as well; one's whole
life must be a sacrifice. It is only by means of sacrifice that souls can become
useful. It is my self-sacrifice which, in my relationship with my neighbor, can give
glory to God, but God's love must flow through this sacrifice, because
everything is concentrated in this love and takes its value from it.
1359 Bear in mind that when you come out of this retreat, I shall be dealing with
you as with a perfect soul. I want to hold you in My hand as a pliant tool,
perfectly adapted to the completion of My works.
1360 O Lord, You who penetrate my whole being and the most secret depths
of my soul, You see that I desire You alone and long only for the fulfillment of
Your holy will, paying no heed to difficulties or sufferings or humiliations or to
what others might think.
1361 This firm resolution to become a saint is extremely pleasing to Me. I bless
your efforts and will give you opportunities to sanctify yourself. Be watchful that
you lose no opportunity that My providence offers you for sanctification. If you
do not succeed in taking advantage of an opportunity, do not lose your peace,
but humble yourself profoundly before Me and, with great trust, immerse
yourself completely in My mercy. In this way, you gain more than you have lost,
because more favor is granted to a humble soul than the soul itself asks for...
1362 + Seventh day. I have come to a knowledge of my destiny; that is, an
inward certainty that I will attain sanctity. This deep conviction has filled my soul
with gratitude to God, and I have given back all the glory to God, because I
know very well what I am of myself.
1363 I am coming out of this retreat thoroughly transformed by God's love. My
soul is beginning a new life, earnestly and courageously; although outwardly my
life will not change, and no one will notice it, nevertheless, pure love is [now] the
guide of my life and, externally, it is mercy which is its fruit. I feel that I have
been totally imbued with God and, with this God, I am going back to my
everyday life, so drab, tiresome and wearying, trusting that He whom I feel in
my heart will change this drabness into my personal sanctity. In profound silence, close to Your merciful Heart, my soul is maturing during this
retreat. In the clear rays of Your love, my soul has lost its tartness and has
become a sweet and ripe fruit.
1364 Now I can be wholly useful to the Church by my personal sanctity, which
throbs with life in the whole Church, for we all make up one organism in Jesus.
That is why I endeavor to make the soil of my heart bear good fruit. Although
the human eye may perhaps never see it, there will nevertheless come a day
when it will become apparent that many souls have been fed and will continue to
be fed with this fruit.
1365 O Eternal Love, who enkindle a new life within me, a life of love and of
mercy, support me with Your grace, so that I may worthily answer Your call, so
that what You yourself have intended to accomplish in souls through me, might
indeed be accomplished. My God, I see the radiance of eternal dawn. My whole soul bounds toward
You, O Lord; nothing any longer holds me back, nothing ties me to earth. Help
me, O Lord, to bear the rest of my days with patience. The sacrifice of my love
burns incessantly before Your Majesty, but so silently that only Your divine eye
sees it, O God, and no other creature is capable of perceiving it.
1366 O my Lord, although so many things occupy me, although I have this
work at heart, although I desire the triumph of the Church and the salvation of
souls, although all the persecutions of Your faithful ones affect me, although the
fall of each soul is painful to me, yet, above and beyond all this, I still have a
profound peace in my soul which neither triumphs nor desires nor adversities
can disturb because, for me, You are above all dispensations, my Lord and my
God.
1367 Eighth day. O my Lord, while calling to mind all Your blessings, in the
presence of Your Most Sacred Heart, I have felt the need to be particularly
grateful for so many graces and blessings from God. I want to plunge myself in
thanksgiving before the Majesty of God and to continue in this prayer of
thanksgiving for seven days and seven nights; and although I will outwardly carry
out all my duties, my spirit will nonetheless stand continually before the Lord,
and all my exercises will be imbued with the spirit of thanksgiving. Each evening,
I will kneel for a half hour in my cell, alone with the Lord. As often as I shall
awake at night, I shall steep myself in a prayer of thanksgiving. In this way I
want to repay, at least in some small way, for the immensity of God's blessings.
1368 However, in order to make all this more pleasing in the eyes of God and
to remove the least shadow of doubt from my mind, I went to my spiritual
director [Father Andrasz] and revealed these desires of my soul to him; that is to
say, the desire to be steeped in such thanksgiving. I received permission for
everything, except that I should not force myself to pray at night should I
awaken.
1369 With what great joy I returned to the convent! And on ; the next day I
began this great act of thanksgiving by renewing my vows. My soul became
thoroughly immersed in God, and there issued from my whole being but one
single flame of gratitude and thanksgiving to God. There were not many words,
because God's blessings, like a fierce fire, consumed my soul, and all sufferings
and sorrows were like wood thrown into the ' flames, without which the fire
would go out. I called upon all heaven and earth to join me in my act of '
thanksgiving.
1370 The retreat has come to an end, those beautiful days of communing alone
with the Lord Jesus. I made this retreat in the way Jesus wanted me to make it,
and as He had told me to on the first day of the retreat; that is, in the deepest
peace, I meditated on God's blessings. I have never made a retreat like this
before. My soul was more ' profoundly strengthened by this peace than it would
have been by any tremors or emotions. In the rays of love, I saw everything as it
really is. Coming out of this retreat, I feel thoroughly transformed by God's love.
1371 O Lord, deify my actions so that they will merit eternity; although my
weakness is great, I trust in the power of Your grace, which will sustain me.
1372 My Jesus, You know that from my earliest years I have wanted to
become a great saint; that is to say, I have wanted to love You with a love so
great that there would be no soul who has hitherto loved You so. At first these
desires of mine were kept secret, and only Jesus knew of them. But today I
cannot contain them within my heart; I would like to cry out to the whole world,
"Love God, because He is good and great is His mercy!"
1373 O humdrum days, filled with darkness, I look upon you with a solemn and
festive eye. How great and solemn is the time that gives us the chance to gather
merits for eternal heaven! I understand how the saints made use of it.
1374 October 30, 1937. Today, during the religious ceremonies [217] taking
place during Mass, and the second day of thanksgiving, I saw the Lord Jesus in
great beauty, and He said to me, My daughter, I have not released you from
taking action. I answered, "Lord, my hand is too feeble for such work." Yes, I
know; but joined with My right hand you will accomplish everything.
Nevertheless, be obedient, be obedient to the confessors. I will give them light
on how to direct you. "Lord, I already wanted to begin the work in Your Name,
but Father S. keeps putting it off." Jesus answered me, I know this; so do just
what is within your power, but you must never withdraw your efforts.
1375 November 1, 1937. After Vespers today, there was a procession to the cemetery. I could not go,
because I was on duty at the gate. But that did not stop me at all from praying
for the souls. As the procession was returning from the cemetery to the chapel,
my soul felt the presence of many souls. I understood the great justice of God,
how each one had to pay off the debt to the last cent.
1376 The Lord gave me an occasion to practice patience through a particular
person with whom I have to carry out a certain task. She is slower than anyone
I have ever seen. One has to arm oneself with great patience to listen to her
tedious talk.
1377 November 5. This morning, five unemployed men came to the gate and
insisted on being let in. When Sister N. had argued with them for quite a while
and could not make them go away, she then came to the chapel to find Mother
[Irene], who told me to go. When I was still a good way from the gate I could
hear them banging loudly. At first, I was overcome with doubt and fear, and I
did not know whether to open the gate or, like Sister N., to answer them
through the little window. But suddenly I heard a voice in my soul saying, Go
and open the gate and talk to them as sweetly as you talk to Me. I opened the gate at once and approached the most menacing of them and
began to speak to them with such sweetness and calm that they did not know
what to do with themselves. And they too began to speak gently and said,
"Well, it's too bad that the convent can't give us work." And they went away
peacefully. I felt clearly that Jesus, whom I had received in Holy Communion
just an hour before, had worked in their hearts through me. Oh, how good it is
to act under God's inspiration!
1378 I felt worse today, and I went to Mother Superior, intending to ask her for
permission to go to bed. However, before I could ask for permission, Mother
Superior said to me, "Sister, you must somehow manage by yourself at the gate,
because I am taking the girl to work at the cabbage, since there is no one else
for the cabbage." I said-good, and left the room. When I got to the gate, I felt
unusually strong, and I was at my post all day and felt well. I experienced the
power of holy obedience.
1379 November 10, [1937]. When Mother [Irene] showed me the booklet
with the chaplet, the litany and the novena, I asked her to let me look it over. As
I was glancing through it, Jesus gave me to know interiorly: Already there are
many souls who have been drawn to My love by this image. My mercy acts in
souls through this work. I learned that many souls had experienced God's grace.
1380 I learned that Mother Superior would have quite a heavy cross to bear,
together with physical suffering, but that it would not last long. [218]
1381 + It occurred to me to take my medicine, not by the spoonful, but just a
little at a time, because it was expensive. Instantly, I heard a voice, My
daughter, I do not like such conduct. Accept with gratitude everything I give you
through the superiors, and in this way you will please Me more.
1382 + When Sister Dominic [219] died at about one o'clock in the night, she
came to me and gave me to know that she was dead. I prayed fervently for her.
In the morning, the sisters told me that she was no longer alive, and I replied that
I knew, because she had visited me. The sister infirmarian [Sister Chrysostom]
asked me to help dress her. And then when I was alone with her, the Lord gave
me to know that she was still suffering in purgatory. I redoubled my prayers for
her. However, despite the zeal with which I always pray for our deceased
sisters, I got mixed up as regards the days, and instead of offering three days of
prayer, as the rule directs us to do, by mistake I offered only two days. On the
fourth day, she gave me to know that I still owed her prayers, and that she was
in need of them. I immediately formed the intention of offering the whole day for
her, and not just that day but much more, as love of neighbor dictated to me.
1383 Because Sister Dominic, after her death, gave the appearance of looking
so well, some sisters said that perhaps she was only in a coma, and one of the
sisters suggested to me that we ought to go and put a mirror to her mouth to see
if it would mist, because it would if she were alive. I said all right, and we did as
we said, but the mirror did not mist, although it seemed to us as if it had.
Nevertheless, the Lord gave me to know how much this had displeased Him,
and I was severely admonished never to act again against my inner convictions. I
humbled myself profoundly before the Lord and asked His pardon.
1384 I see a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] whom God loves
greatly, but whom Satan hates terribly because he is leading many souls to a high
degree of sanctity and has regard only for God's glory. But I keep asking God
that his patience with those who constantly oppose him might not run out.
Where Satan himself can do no harm, he uses people.
1385 November 19. After Communion today, Jesus told me how much He
desires to come to human hearts. I desire to unite Myself with human souls; My
great delight is to unite Myself with souls. Know, My daughter, that when I
come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of
graces which I want to give to the soul. But souls do not even pay any attention
to Me; they leave Me to Myself and busy themselves with other things. Oh, how
sad I am that souls do not recognize Love! They treat Me as a dead object. I
answered Jesus, "O Treasure of my heart, the only object of my love and entire
delight of my soul, I want to adore You in my heart as You are adored on the
throne of Your eternal glory. My love wants to make up to You at least in part
for the coldness of so great a number of souls. Jesus, behold my heart which is
for You a dwelling place to which no one else has entry. You alone repose in it
as in a beautiful garden.
1386 O my Jesus, farewell; I must go already to take up my tasks. But I will
prove my love for You with sacrifice, neither neglecting nor letting any chance
for practicing it slip by." When I left the chapel, Mother Superior [Irene] said to me, "You will not go to
the catechetical lecture, Sister, but will remain on duty." Very well, Jesus; I thus
had, throughout the day, very many opportunities for sacrifice. I omitted none,
owing to the strength of spirit I drew from Holy Communion.
1387 There are times in life when a soul is in such a state that it does not seem
to understand human speech. Everything tires it, and nothing but ardent prayer
will put it at ease. In fervent prayer the soul finds relief and, even if it wanted
explanations from creatures, these would only make it more restless.
1388 + During one time of prayer, I learned how pleasing to God was the soul
of Father Andrasz. He is a true child of God. It is rare that divine sonship shines
forth so clearly in a soul, and this because he has a special devotion to the
Mother of God.
1389 O my Jesus, although I have such very strong impulsions, I am to act on
them slowly, and this only in order not to spoil Your work with my haste. O my
Jesus, You give me to know Your mysteries, and You want me to transmit them
to other souls. Soon now it will be possible for me to act. At the moment of
apparent absolute destruction, my mission, now no longer hindered by anything,
will begin. Such is the will of God in this, and it will not change; although many
persons will oppose it, nothing will change God's will.
1390 I see Father Sopocko, how his mind is busily occupied and working in
God's cause in order to present the wishes of God to the officials of the Church.
As a result of his efforts, a new light will shine in the Church of God for the
consolation of souls. Although for the present his soul is filled with bitterness, as
though that were to be the reward for his efforts in the cause of the Lord, this
will not however be the case. I see his joy, which nothing will diminish. God will
grant him some of this joy already here on earth. I have never before come upon
such great faithfulness to God as distinguishes this soul.
1391 During supper in the refectory today, I felt God's gaze in the depths of my
heart. Such a vivid presence pervaded my soul that, for a while, I had no idea
where I was. The sweet presence of God kept filling my soul and, at times, I
could not understand what the sisters were saying to me.
1392 All the good that is in me is due to Holy Communion. I owe everything to
it. I feel that this holy fire has transformed me completely. Oh, how happy I am
to be a dwelling place for You, O Lord! My heart is a temple in which You
dwell continually... + J.M.J.
1393 Jesus, delight of my soul, Bread of Angels, My whole being is plunged in You, And I live Your divine life as do the elect in heaven, And the reality of this life will not cease, though I be laid in the grave. Jesus-Eucharist, Immortal God, Who dwell in my heart without cease, When I possess You, death itself can do me no harm. Love tells me that I will see You at life's end. Permeated by Your divine life, I gaze with assurance at the heavens thrown open for me, And death will shame-facedly go away, empty-handed, For Your divine life is contained within my soul. And although by Your holy will, O Lord, Death is to touch my body, I want this dissolution to come as quickly as possible, For through it I am entering eternal life. Jesus-Eucharist, life of my soul, You have raised me up to the eternal spheres, And this, by Your agony and death midst terrible tortures. 26 [November 1937].
1394 Monthly one-day retreat. In the course of this retreat, the Lord has given
me the light to know His will more profoundly and to abandon myself
completely to the holy will of God. This light has confirmed me in profound
peace, making me understand that I should fear nothing except sin. Whatever
God sends me, I accept with complete submission to His holy will. Wherever
He puts me, I will try faithfully to do His holy will, as well as His wishes, to the
extent of my power to do so, even if the will of God were to be as hard and
difficult for me as was the will of the Heavenly Father for His Son, as He prayed
in the Garden of Olives. I have come to see that if the will of the Heavenly
Father was fulfilled in this way in His well-beloved Son, it will be fulfilled in us in
exactly the same way: by suffering, persecution, abuse, disgrace. It is through all
this that my soul becomes like unto Jesus. And the greater the sufferings, the
more I see that I am becoming like Jesus. This is the surest way. If some other
way were better, Jesus would have shown it to me. Sufferings in no way take
away my peace. On the other hand, although I enjoy profound peace, that
peace does not lessen my experience of suffering. Although my face is often
bowed to the ground, and my tears flow profusely, at the same time my soul is
filled with profound peace and happiness...
1395 I want to hide myself in Your Most Merciful Heart as a dewdrop does in
a flower blossom. Enclose me in this blossom against the frost of the world. No
one can conceive the happiness which my heart enjoys in its solitude, alone with
God.
1396 Today I heard a voice in my soul: Oh, if sinners knew My mercy, they
would not perish in such great numbers. Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to
approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy.
1397 The Lord said to me, The loss of each soul plunges Me into mortal
sadness. You always console Me when you pray for sinners. The prayer most
pleasing to Me is prayer for the conversion of sinners. Know, My daughter, that
this prayer is always heard and answered.
1398 Advent is approaching. I want to prepare my heart for the coming of the
Lord Jesus by silence and recollection of spirit, uniting myself with the Most
Holy Mother and faithfully imitating Her virtue of silence, by which She found
pleasure in the eyes of God Himself. I trust that, by Her side, I will persevere in
this resolution.
1399 When I entered the chapel for a moment in the evening, I felt a terrible
thorn in my head. This lasted for a short time, but the pricking was so painful
that in an instant my head dropped onto the communion rail. It seemed to me
that the thorn had thrust itself into my brain. But all this is nothing; it is all for the
sake of souls, to obtain God's mercy for them.
1400 I live from one hour to the next and am not able to get along in any other
way. I want to make the best possible use of the present moment, faithfully
accomplishing everything that it gives me. In all things, I depend on God with
unwavering trust. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 5
1401 Yesterday I received a letter from Father Sopocko. I learned that God's
work is progressing, however slowly. I am very happy about this, and I have
redoubled my prayers for this entire work. I have come to learn that, for the
present, so far as my participation in the work is concerned, the Lord is asking
for prayer and sacrifice. Action on my part could indeed thwart God's plans, as
Father Sopocko wrote in yesterday's letter. O my Jesus, grant me the grace to
be an obedient instrument in Your hands. I have learned from this letter how
great is the light which God grants to this priest. This confirms me in the
conviction that God will carry out this work through him despite the mounting
obstacles. I know well that the greater and the more beautiful the work is, the
more terrible will be the storms that rage against it.
1402 God, in his unfathomable decrees, often allows it to be that those who
have expended most effort in accomplishing some work do not enjoy its fruits
here on earth; God reserves all their joy for eternity. But for all that, God
sometimes lets them know how much their efforts please Him. And such
moments strengthen them for further struggles and ordeals. These are the souls
that bear closest resemblance to the Savior who, in the work which He founded
here on earth, tasted nothing but bitterness.
1403 O my Jesus, may You be blessed for everything! I rejoice that Your most
holy will is being accomplished. That is quite enough to make me happy.
1404 Hidden Jesus, in You lies all my strength. From my most tender years, the
Lord Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament has attracted me to Himself. Once, when I
was seven years old, at a Vesper Service, conducted before the Lord Jesus in
the monstrance, the love of God was imparted to me for the first time and filled
my little heart; and the Lord gave me understanding of divine things. From that
day until this, my love for the hidden God has been growing constantly to the
point of closest intimacy. All the strength of my soul flows from the Blessed
Sacrament. I spend all my free moments in conversation with Him. He is my
Master.
1405 November 30, 1937. When I was going upstairs this evening, a strange
dislike for everything having to do with God suddenly came over me. At that, I
heard Satan who said to me, "Think no more about this work. God is not as
merciful as you say He is. Do not pray for sinners, because they will be damned
all the same, and by this work of mercy you expose your own self to damnation.
Talk no more about this mercy of God with your confessor and especially not
with Father Sopocko and Father Andrasz." At this point, the voice took the
appearance of my Guardian Angel, and at that moment I replied, "I know who
you are: the father of lies [cf. Jn. 8:44]." I made the sign of the cross, and the
angel vanished with great racket and fury.
1406 Today, the Lord gave me to know interiorly that He would never abandon
me. He gave me to know His majesty and His holiness as well as His love and
mercy towards me; and He gave me a deeper knowledge of my own
wretchedness. However, this great misery of mine does not deprive me of trust.
On the contrary, the better I have come to know my own misery, the stronger
has become my trust in God's mercy. I have come to understand how all this
depends on the Lord. I know that no one will touch a single hair of my head
without His willing it.
1407 When I was receiving Holy Communion today, I noticed in the cup a
Living Host, which the priest gave to me. When I returned to my place I asked
the Lord, "Why was one Host alive, since You are equally alive under each of
the species?" The Lord answered me, That is so. I am the same under each of
the species, but not every soul receives Me with the same living faith as you do,
My daughter, and therefore I cannot act in their souls as I do in yours.
1408 I was present at Holy Mass celebrated by Father Sopocko. During the
Mass, I saw the Infant Jesus who, touching the priest's forehead with His finger,
said to me, His thought is closely united to Mine, so be at peace about what
concerns My work. I will not let him make a mistake, and you should do nothing
without his permission. This filled my soul with great peace as regards everything
that has to do with this work.
1409 + Today the Lord Jesus is giving me an awareness of Himself and of His
most tender love and care for me. He is bringing me to understand deeply how
everything depends on His will, and how He allows certain difficulties precisely
for our merit, so that our fidelity might be clearly manifest. And through this, I
have been given strength for suffering and self-denial.
1410 Today [December 7, 1937] is the eve of the Feast of the Immaculate
Conception of the Virgin Mary. During the midday meal, in an instant, God gave
me to know the greatness of my destiny; that is, His closeness, which for all
eternity will not be taken away from me, and He did this in such a vivid and
clear fashion that I remained wrapped up in His living presence for a long time,
humbling myself before His greatness. + J.M.J.
1411 O Divine Spirit, Spirit of truth and of light, Dwell ever in my soul by Your divine grace. May Your breath dissipate the darkness, And in this light may good deeds be multiplied. O Divine Spirit, Spirit of love and of mercy, Who pour the balm of trust into my heart, Your grace confirms my soul in good, Giving it the invincible power of constancy. O Divine Spirit, Spirit of peace and of joy, You invigorate my thirsting heart And pour into it the living fountain of God's love, Making it intrepid for battle. O Divine Spirit, my soul's most welcome guest, For my part, I want to remain faithful to You; Both in days of joy and in the agony of suffering, I want always, O Spirit of God, to live in Your presence. O Divine Spirit, who pervade my whole being And give me to know Your Divine Threefold Life, Initiating me into Your Divine Essence, Thus united to You, I will live a life without end.
1412 + It is with great zeal that I have prepared for the celebration of the Feast
of the Immaculate Conception of the Mother of God. I have made an extra
effort to keep recollected in spirit and have meditated on that unique privilege of
Our Lady. And thus my heart was completely drowned in Her, thanking God
for having accorded this great privilege to Mary.
1413 I prepared not only by means of the novena said in common by the whole
community, but I also made a personal effort to salute Her a thousand times
each day, saying a thousand "Hail Marys" for nine days in Her praise. + This is now the third time I have said such a novena to the Mother of God;
that is, a novena made up of a thousand Aves each day. Thus the novena
consists in nine thousand salutations. Although I have done this now three times
in my life, and two of these while in the course of my duties, I have never failed
in carrying out my tasks with the greatest exactitude. I have always said the
novena outside the time of my exercises; that is to say, I have not said the Aves
during Holy Mass or Benediction. Once, I made the novena while lying ill in the
hospital. Where there's a will, there's a way. Apart from recreation, I have only
prayed and worked. I have not said a single unnecessary word during these
days. Although I must admit that such a matter requires a good deal of attention
and effort, nothing is too much when it comes to honoring the Immaculate
Virgin.
1414 The Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Before Holy Communion I saw
the Blessed Mother inconceivably beautiful. Smiling at me She said to me, My
daughter, at God's command I am to be, in a special and exclusive way your
Mother; but I desire that you, too, in a special way, be My child.
1415 I desire, My dearly beloved daughter, that you practice the three virtues
that are dearest to Me-and most pleasing to God. The first is humility, humility,
and once again humility; the second virtue, purity; the third virtue, love of God.
As My daughter, you must especially radiate with these virtues. When the
conversation ended, She pressed me to Her Heart and disappeared. When I
regained the use of my senses, my heart became so wonderfully attracted to
these virtues; and I practice them faithfully. They are as though engraved in my
heart.
1416 This has been a great day for me. During this day I remained as though in
unceasing contemplation; the very thought of this grace drew me into further
contemplation; and throughout the whole day I continued in thanksgiving which I
never stopped, because each recollection of this grace caused my soul ever
anew to lose itself in God...
1417 O my Lord, my soul is the most wretched of all, and yet You stoop to it
with such kindness! I see clearly Your greatness and my littleness, and therefore
I rejoice that You are so powerful and without limit, and so I rejoice greatly at
being so little.
1418 O suffering Christ, I am going out to meet You. As Your bride, I must
resemble You. Your cloak of ignominy must cover me too. O Christ, You know
how ardently I desire to become like You. Grant that Your entire Passion may
be my lot. May all Your sorrow be poured into my heart. I trust that You will
complete this in me in the way You deem most fitting.
1419 + Today there was nocturnal adoration. I could not take part in it because
of my poor health, but before I fell asleep I united myself with the sisters who
were at adoration. Between four and five o'clock, I was suddenly awakened,
and I heard a voice telling me to join those who were adoring at that time. I
understood that there was among them a soul who was praying for me.
1420 When I steeped myself in prayer, I was transported in spirit to the chapel,
where I saw the Lord Jesus, exposed in the monstrance. In place of the
monstrance, I saw the glorious face of the Lord, and He said to me, What you
see in reality, these souls see through faith. Oh, how pleasing to Me is their great
faith! You see, although there appears to be no trace of life in Me, in reality it is
present in its fullness in each and every Host. But for Me to be able to act upon
a soul, the soul must have faith. O how pleasing to Me is living faith!
1421 Those taking part in adoration at that time were Mother Superior and a
few other sisters. But I recognized that it was Mother Superior's prayer which
had moved heaven, and I rejoiced that there are souls so pleasing to God.
1422 When, during recreation the next day, I asked which sisters had been at
adoration between four and five o'clock, one of the sisters cried out, "Why do
you ask, Sister? Perhaps you had some revelation?" I fell silent and said no
more; although I was asked by Mother Superior, I could not answer because it
was not a suitable moment.
1423 On a certain occasion, one of the sisters [Sister Damian Ziolek [220]]
confided to me that she wanted to choose a certain priest as her confessor.
Very pleased, she shared the news with me and asked me to pray for that
intention, and so I promised her to do so. During prayer, I learned that that soul
would gain no spiritual profit from his direction. And then, the next time we met,
she told me again of her great joy in being under his direction.
1424 I joined in her joy, but when she had left I was severely rebuked. Jesus
told me to tell her what He had I given me to know during prayer, which I did at
the first opportunity, although it cost me a great deal.
1425 Today, for a short while, I experienced the pain of the crown of thorns. I
was praying for a certain soul before the Blessed Sacrament at the time. In an
instant, I felt such a violent pain that my head dropped onto the altar rail.
Although this moment was very brief, it was very painful.
1426 Christ, give me souls. Let anything You like happen to me, but give me
souls in return. I want the salvation of souls. I want souls to know Your mercy. I
have nothing left for myself, because I have given everything away to souls, with
the result that on the day of judgment I will stand before You empty-handed,
since I have given everything away to souls. Thus You will have nothing on
which to judge me, and we shall meet on that day: Love and mercy... + J. M. J.
1427 Hidden Jesus, life of my soul, Object of my ardent desire, Nothing will stifle Your love in my heart. The power of our mutual love assures me of that. Hidden Jesus, glorious pledge of my resurrection, All my life is concentrated in You. It is You, O Host, who empower me to love forever, And I know that You will love me as Your child in return. Hidden Jesus, my purest love, My life with You has begun already here on earth, And it will become fully manifest in the eternity to come, Because our mutual love will never change. Hidden Jesus, sole desire of my soul, You alone are to me more than the delights of heaven. My soul searches for You only, who are above all gifts and graces, You who come to me under the form of bread. Hidden Jesus, take at last to Yourself my thirsting heart Which burns for You with the pure fire of the Seraphim. I go through life in Your footsteps, invincible, With head held high, like a knight, feeble maid though I be.
1428 For a month now, I have been feeling worse. Every time I cough, I feel my
lungs disintegrating. It sometimes happens that I feel the complete decay of my
own corpse. It is hard to express how great a suffering this is. Although I fully
agree to this with my will, it is nevertheless a great suffering for nature, greater
than wearing a hairshirt or a flagellation to the point of blood. I have felt it
especially when I was going to the refectory. It took great effort for me to eat
anything because food made me sick. I also started at this time to suffer from
pains in my intestines. All highly seasoned dishes caused me such immense pain
that I spent many nights writhing in pain and in tears, for the sake of sinners.
1429 However, I asked my confessor what to do: whether I should continue to
suffer this for the sake of sinners or ask the superiors for an exception by way of
milder food. He decided that I should ask the superiors for milder food. And
thus I followed his directions, seeing that this humiliation was more pleasing to
God.
1430 One day, I began to doubt as to how it was possible to feel this continual
decaying of the body and at the same time to be able to walk and work.
Perhaps this was some kind of an illusion. Yet it cannot be an illusion, because it
causes me such terrible pains. As I was thinking about this, one of the sisters
came to converse with me. After a minute or two, she made a terribly wry face
and said, "Sister, I smell a corpse here, as though it were decaying. O how
dreadful it is!" I said to her, "Do not be frightened, Sister, that smell of a corpse
comes from me." She was very surprised and said she could not stand it any
longer. After she had gone, I understood that God had allowed her to sense this
so that I would have no doubt, but that He was no less than miraculously
keeping the knowledge of this suffering from the whole community. O my Jesus,
only You know the full depth of this sacrifice.
1431 Nevertheless, when in the refectory I still had to bear being the object of
the frequent suspicion that I was being fussy [about my food]. At such times, as
always, I hasten to the Tabernacle and bow before the ciborium and there draw
strength to accept God's will. That which I have written is not yet everything.
1432 Today during confession, breaking the wafer with me spiritually, he gave
me the following wishes: "Be as faithful as you can to the grace of God;
secondly, beg God's mercy for yourself and for the whole world, because we
are all in great need of God's mercy."
1433 Two days before Christmas, these words were read in the refectory:
"Tomorrow is the Birth of Jesus Christ according to the flesh."[221] At these
words, my soul was pierced by the light and love of God, and I gained deeper
knowledge of the Mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of God. How great is
the mercy of God contained in the Mystery of the Incarnation of the Son of
God!
1434 Today, the Lord gave me knowledge of His anger toward mankind which
deserves to have its days shortened because of its sins. But I learned that the
world's existence is maintained by chosen souls; that is, the religious orders.
Woe to the world when there will be a lack of religious orders! + J.M.J.
1435 I perform each deed in the face of death. I do it now as I would want to see it in my last hour. Although life, like the wind, will pass swiftly by, No deed undertaken for God will perish. I feel the complete decay of my organism, Although I am still living and working. Death will be no tragedy for me, Because I have long felt it. Although it is very unpleasant for nature To constantly smell one's own corpse, Yet it is not so terrible when the soul is filled with God's light, Because in it faith, hope, love and contrition are awakened. Daily I make great efforts To take part in community life, Thereby gaining graces for souls' salvation, Shielding them by my sacrifice from the fire of hell. For the salvation of even a single soul Is worth the sacrifice of a lifetime And the bearing of the greatest sacrifices and torments, Seeing how great the glory it gives God.
1436 + Lord, although You often make known to me the thunders of Your
anger, Your anger vanishes before lowly souls. Although You are great, Lord,
You allow yourself to be overcome by a lowly and deeply humble soul. O
humility, the most precious of virtues, how few souls possess you! I see only a
semblance of this virtue everywhere, but not the virtue itself. Lord, reduce me to
nothingness in my own eyes that I may find grace in ' Yours.
1437 + Christmas Eve [1937]. After Holy Communion, the Mother of God
gave me to experience the anxious concern she had in Her heart because of the
Son of God. But this anxiety was permeated with such fragrance of
abandonment to the will of God that I should call it ' rather a delight than an
anxiety. I understood how my ' soul ought to accept the will of God in all things.
It is a pity I cannot write this the way I experienced it. My soul was plunged in
deep recollection all day long. Nothing could tear me away from this
recollection, neither duties, nor the business I had with lay people.
1438 Before supper, I went into the chapel for a moment to break the wafer
spiritually with those beloved persons, so dear to my heart, though far away.
First, I steeped myself in profound prayer and asked the Lord for graces for
them all as a group and then for each one individually. Jesus gave me to know
how much this pleased Him, and my soul was filled with even greater joy to see
that God loves in a special way those whom we love.
1439 + After I had gone into the refectory, during the reading, my whole being
found itself plunged in God. Interiorly, I saw God looking at us with great
pleasure. I remained alone with the Heavenly Father. At that moment, I had a
deeper knowledge of the Three Divine Persons, whom we shall contemplate for
all eternity and, after millions of years, shall discover that we have just barely
begun our contemplation. Oh, how great is the mercy of God, who allows man
to participate in such a high degree in His divine happiness! At the same time,
what great pain pierces my heart [at the thought] that so many souls have
spurned this happiness.
1440 When we began to share the wafer, a sincere and mutual love reigned
among us. Mother Superior [Irene] expressed this wish to me: "Sister, the
works of God proceed slowly, so do not be in a hurry." In general, the sisters
sincerely wished me great love, which is that which I desire above all. I saw that
these wishes truly came from their hearts, except for one sister, who had a
concealed malice in her wishes, although this did not cause me much pain, for
my soul was pervaded by God. Yet this enlightened me as to why God
communicates so little with a soul of this kind, and I learned that such a soul is
always seeking itself, even in holy things. Oh, how good the Lord is in not letting
me go astray! I know that He will guard me, even jealously, but only as long as I
remain little, because it is with such that the great Lord j likes to commune. As
to proud souls, He watches them from afar and opposes them.
1441 Although I wanted to keep vigil for some time before the Midnight Mass,
[222] I could not do so. I fell asleep at once, and I was even feeling very weak.
But when they rang the bells for Midnight Mass, I jumped to my feet at once
and dressed, though with great difficulty, because I felt sick again and again.
1442 + When I arrived at Midnight Mass, from the very beginning I steeped
myself in deep recollection, during which time I saw the stable of Bethlehem
filled with great radiance. The Blessed Virgin, all lost in the deepest of love, was
wrapping Jesus in swaddling clothes, but Saint Joseph was still asleep. Only
after the Mother of God put Jesus in the manger, did the light of God awaken
Joseph, who also prayed. But after a while, I was left alone with the Infant Jesus
who stretched out His little hands to me, and I understood that I was to take
Him in my arms. Jesus pressed His head against my heart and gave me to know,
by His profound gaze, how good He found it to be next to my heart. At that
moment Jesus disappeared and the bell was ringing for Holy Communion.
1443 My soul was languishing with joy. But toward the end of the Mass, I felt
so weak that I had to leave the chapel and go to my cell, as I felt unable to take
part in the community tea. But my joy throughout the whole Christmas Season
was immense, because my soul was unceasingly united with the Lord. I have
come to know that every soul would like to have divine comforts, but is by no
means willing to forsake human comforts, whereas these two things cannot be
reconciled.
1444 During this Christmas Season, I have sensed that certain souls have been
praying for me. I rejoice that such spiritual union and knowledge exist already
here on earth. O my Jesus, praise be to You for all this!
1445 In the greatest torments of soul I am always alone, but no-not alone, for I
am with You, Jesus; but here I am speaking about [other] people. None of them
understands my heart, but this does not surprise me anymore, whereas I used to
be surprised when my intentions were condemned and wrongly interpreted; no,
this does not surprise me now at all. People do not know how to perceive the
soul. They see the body, and they judge according to the body. But as distant as
heaven is from earth, so distant are God's thoughts from our thoughts. I myself
have experienced that quite often it happens that [... ]
1446 The Lord said to me, It should be of no concern to you how anyone else
acts; you are to be My living reflection, through love and mercy. I answered,
"Lord, but they often take advantage of my goodness." That makes no
difference, My daughter. That is no concern of yours. As for you, be always
merciful toward other people, and especially toward sinners.
1447 +Oh, how painful it is to Me that souls so seldom unite themselves to Me
in Holy Communion. I wait for souls, and they are indifferent toward Me. I love
them tenderly and sincerely, and they distrust Me. I want to lavish My graces on
them, and they do not want to accept them. They treat Me as a dead object,
whereas My Heart is full of love and mercy. In order that you may know at least
some of My pain, imagine the most tender of mothers who has great love for her
children, while those children spurn her love. Consider her pain. No one is in a
position to console her. This is but a feeble image and likeness of My love.
1448 Write, speak of My mercy. Tell souls where they are to look for solace;
that is, in the Tribunal of Mercy [the Sacrament of Reconciliation]. There the
greatest miracles take place [and] are incessantly repeated. To avail oneself of
this miracle, it is not necessary to go on a great pilgrimage or to carry out some
external ceremony; it suffices to come with faith to the feet of My representative
and to reveal to him one's misery, and the miracle of Divine Mercy will be fully
demonstrated. Were a soul like a decaying corpse so that from a human
standpoint, there would be no [hope of] restoration and everything would
already be lost, it is not so with God. The miracle of Divine Mercy restores that
soul in full. Oh, how miserable are those who do not take advantage of the
miracle of God's mercy! You will call out in vain, but it will be too late. + J.M.J. The Year 1938 The First of January
1449 Welcome to you, New Year, in the course of which my perfection will be
accomplished. [223] Thank You in advance, O Lord, for everything Your
goodness will send me. Thank You for the cup of suffering from which I shall
daily drink. Do not diminish its bitterness, O Lord, but strengthen my lips that,
while drinking of this bitterness, they may know how to smile for love of You,
my Master. I thank You for Your countless comforts and graces that flow down
upon me each day like the morning dew, silently, imperceptibly, which no
curious eye may notice, and which are known only to You and me, O Lord. For
all this, I thank You as of today because, at the moment when You hand me the
cup, my heart may not be capable of giving thanks.
1450 So today I submit myself completely and with loving consent to Your holy
will, O Lord, and to Your most wise decrees, which are always full of clemency
and mercy for me, though at times I can neither understand nor fathom them. O
my Master, I surrender myself completely to You, who are the rudder of my
soul; steer it Yourself according to Your divine wishes. I enclose myself in Your
most compassionate Heart, which is a sea of unfathomable mercy. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 5
1451 + I am ending the old year with suffering and beginning the new one with
suffering as well. Two days before the new year, I had to go to bed. I was
feeling very bad, and a violent cough was weakening me. And together with this,
a constant pain in my intestines and nausea had brought me to the point of
exhaustion. Although I could not join in community prayer, [224] I united myself
spiritually with the whole community. When the sisters got up at eleven o'clock
at night to keep vigil and welcome the New Year, I had been writhing in agony
since nightfall, and this lasted until midnight. I united my sufferings with the
prayers of the sisters who were keeping vigil in the chapel and atoning to God
for the offences of sinners.
1452 When the clock struck twelve, my soul immersed itself more deeply in
recollection, and I heard a voice in my Soul: Do not fear, My little child, you are not alone. Fight bravely, because My
arm is supporting you; fight for the salvation of souls, exhorting them to trust in
My mercy, as that is your task in this life and in the life to come. After these
words, I received a deeper understanding of divine mercy. Only that soul who
wants it will be damned, for God condemns no one.
1453 Today is the Feast of the New Year. I felt so bad in the morning that I
barely managed to go to the next cell to receive Holy Communion. [225] I could
not go to Mass because I felt so sick, and I made my thanksgiving in bed too. I
wanted so much to go to Mass and then to confession to Father Andrasz, but I
felt so bad that I could go neither to Mass nor to confession. And because of
this my soul suffered a good deal. After breakfast, the Sister Infirmarian [Sister
Chrysostom] came along and asked, "Sister, why didn't you go to Mass?" I
answered that I couldn't. She shook her head disdainfully and said, "Such a
great Feast Day, Sister, and you don't even go to Mass!" and she left my cell. I
had been in bed for two days, writhing in pain, and she hadn't visited me; and
when she did come, on the third day, she did not even ask if I were able to get
up, but asked irritably why I hadn't got up for Mass. When I was alone, I tried
to get up, but I was seized again with sickness, and so I stayed in bed with a
calm conscience. Yet my heart had plenty to offer the Lord, joining itself
spiritually to Him during the second Mass. After the second Mass, Sister
Infirmarian returned to me, but this time in her capacity as infirmarian, and with a
thermometer. But I had no fever, although I was seriously ill and unable to rise.
So there was another sermon to tell me that I should not capitulate to illness. I
answered her that I knew that here one was regarded as seriously ill only when
one was in one's last agony. However, knowing that she was about to give me a
lecture, I replied that at the present time I was in no need of being incited to
greater zeal. And once again, I remained alone in my cell. My heart was crushed with sorrow, and bitterness flooded my soul, and I
repeated these words: "Welcome, New Year; welcome, cup of bitterness." My
Jesus, my heart is eager for You, and yet the gravity of my illness prevents me
from participating physically in the community prayers, and I am suspected of
being lazy. My sufferings are becoming greater. After dinner, Mother Superior
[Irene] looked in for a moment, but she left very soon. I intended to ask to have
Father Andrasz come to my cell to hear my confession, but I restrained myself
from making the request for two reasons: first, not to give occasion for
murmuring, as had happened above in respect to Holy Mass; and secondly,
because I would not even be able to make the confession, since I felt I would
burst into tears like a little child. A while later, one of the sisters came along and
again reproved me: "There's some milk with butter in the oven, Sister; why don't
you drink it?" I answered that there was no one to bring it to me.
1454 + When night fell, the physical sufferings increased and were joined by
moral sufferings. Night and suffering. The solemn silence of the night made it
possible for me to suffer freely. My body was stretched on the wood of the
cross. I writhed in terrible pain until eleven o'clock. I went in spirit to the
Tabernacle and uncovered the ciborium, leaning my head on the rim of the cup,
and all my tears flowed silently toward the Heart of Him who alone understands
what pain and suffering is. And I experienced the sweetness of this suffering, and
my soul came to desire this sweet agony, which I would not have exchanged for
all the world's treasures. The Lord gave me strength of spirit and love towards
those through whom these sufferings came. This then was the first day of the
year.
1455 Also on this day I felt the prayer of a beautiful soul [probably Father
Sopocko or Father Andrasz] who was praying for me and giving me, in spirit,
his priestly blessing. I answered in return with my own ardent prayer.
1456 + O most gracious Lord, how merciful it is on Your part to judge each
one according to his conscience and his discernment, and not according to
people's talk. My spirit delights and feeds more and more on Your wisdom,
which I am getting to know more and more deeply. And in this, the vastness of
Your mercy becomes more and more manifest to me. O my Jesus, the effect of
all this knowledge on my soul is that I am being transformed into a flame of love
towards You, my God.
1457 + January 2, 1938. As I was preparing for HolyCommunion today, Jesus
demanded that I should write more; not only about the graces which He grants
me, but also about external matters, and this for the consolation of many souls.
1458 + After that night of suffering, when the priest [Father Matzanger 226]
entered my cell with the Lord Jesus, such fervor filled my whole being that I felt
that if the priest had tarried a little longer, Jesus himself would have leaped out of
his hand and come to me.
1459 After Holy Communion the Lord said to me, If the priest had not brought
Me to you, I would have come Myself under the same species. My daughter,
your sufferings of this night obtained the grace of mercy for an immense number
of souls.
1460 + My daughter, I have something to tell you. I replied, "Speak, Jesus, for I
thirst for Your words." It displeases Me that, because the sisters were
murmuring, you did not ask to have Father Andrasz hear your confession in your
cell. Know that, because of this, you gave them even greater cause for
murmuring. Very humbly I begged the Lord's forgiveness. O my Master, rebuke
me; do not overlook my faults, and do not let me err.
1461 + O my Jesus, when I am misunderstood and my soul is in anguish, I want
to stay a while alone with You. The words of mortals give me no comfort. Do
not send me, O Lord, such messengers as speak only for themselves and say
what their own nature dictates to them. Such consolers make me very tired.
1462 January 6, 1938. Today, when the chaplain [Father Theodore] brought
the Lord Jesus, a light issued from the Host, its light striking my heart and filling
me with a great fire of love. Jesus was letting me know that I should answer the
inspirations of grace with more faithfulness, and that my vigilance should be
more subtle.
1463 + The Lord also gave me to know that many bishops were considering the
question of this Feast, as well as a certain lay person. Some were enthusiastic
about this work of God, while others regarded it with disbelief; but in spite of
everything, the result was great glory for the work of God. Mother Irene and
Mother Mary Joseph were giving some kind of a report to these dignitaries, but
they were being questioned, not so much about the work, as about myself.227
As regards the work itself, there was no doubt, since the glory of God was
already being proclaimed.
1464 I feel much better today. I was glad I would be able to meditate more
during the Holy Hour. Then I heard a voice: You will not be in good health. Do
not put off the Sacrament of Penance, because this displeases Me. Pay little
attention to the murmurs of those around you. This surprised me, because I am
feeling better today, but I gave it no more thought. When the sister switched off
the light, I began the Holy Hour. But after a while something went wrong with
my heart. I suffered in silence until eleven o'clock, but then I began to feel so
bad that I woke up Sister N. [probably Sister Fabiola], who is my roommate,
and she gave me some drops, which brought me a little relief so that I could lie
down. I now understand the Lord's warning. I decided to call any priest at all,
the next day, and to open the secrets of my soul to him. But that was not all, for
while I was praying for sinners and offering all my sufferings for them, the Evil
Spirit could not stand that.
1465 Taking the form of an apparition he said," Do not pray for sinners, but for
yourself, for you will be damned." Paying no attention to Satan, I continued to
pray with redoubled fervor for sinners. The Evil Spirit howled with fury, "Oh, if I
had power over you!" and disappeared. I saw that my suffering and prayer
shackled Satan and snatched many souls from his clutches.
1466 Jesus, lover of human salvation, draw all souls to the divine life. May the
greatness of Your mercy be praised here on earth and in eternity. O great lover
of souls, who in Your boundless compassion opened the salutary fountains of
mercy so that weak souls may be fortified in this life's pilgrimage, Your mercy
runs through our life like a golden thread and maintains in good order the contact
of our being with God. For He does not need anything to make Him happy; so
everything is solely the work of His mercy. My senses are transfixed with joy
when God grants me a deeper awareness of that great attribute of His; namely,
His unfathomable mercy.
1467 January 7, 1938. First Friday of the month. This morning during Mass, for
a brief while, I saw the suffering Savior. What struck me was that Jesus was so
peaceful amidst His great sufferings. I understood that this was a lesson for me
on what my outward behavior should be in the midst of my various sufferings.
1468 For quite a long while, I felt pain in my hands, feet and side. Then I saw a
certain sinner who, profiting from my sufferings, drew near to the Lord. All this
for starving souls that they may not die of starvation.
1469 + I went to confession to the chaplain [Father Theodore] today. Jesus
comforted me through this priest. O my Mother, Church of God, you are a true
Mother who understands her children...
1470 Oh, how good it is that Jesus will judge us according to our conscience
and not according to people's talk and judgments. O inconceivable goodness, I
see You full of goodness in the very act of judgment.
1471 Although I am feeling weak, and my nature is clamoring for rest, I feel the
inspiration of grace telling me to take hold of myself and write, write for the
comfort of souls, whom I love so much and with whom I will share all eternity.
And I desire eternal life for them so ardently that that is why I use all my free
moments, no matter how short, for writing in the way that Jesus wishes of me.
1472 January 8. During Holy Mass, I had a moment of knowledge concerning
Father S., that great glory is being given to God through our mutual efforts. And
even though we are far from each other, we are often together, because we are
united by a common goal.
1473 O my Jesus, my only desire, although I wanted to receive You today with
greater fervor than ever, nevertheless, precisely on this day, my soul is drier than
ever. My faith grows in power, and so the fruit of Your coming, Lord, will be
abundant. Although many a time You come without touching my senses and
reign only in the loftier part of me, the senses too sometimes rejoice at Your
coming.
1474 I often ask the Lord Jesus for an intellect enlightened by faith. I express
this to the Lord in these words: "Jesus, give me an intellect, a great intellect, for
this only, that I may understand You better; because the better I get to know
You, the more ardently will I love You. Jesus, I ask You for a powerful intellect,
that I may understand divine and lofty matters. Jesus, give me a keen intellect
with which I will get to know Your Divine Essence and Your indwelling, Triune
life. Give my intellect these capacities and aptitudes by means of Your special
grace. Although I know that there is a capability through grace which the Church
gives me, there is still a treasure of graces which You give us, O Lord, when we
ask You for them. But if my request is not pleasing to You, then I beg You, do
not give me the inclination to pray thus."
1475 I strive for the greatest perfection possible in order to be useful to the
Church. Greater by far is my bond to the Church. The sanctity or the fall of each
individual soul has an effect upon the whole Church. Observing myself and those
who are close to me, I have come to understand how great an influence I have
on other souls, not by any heroic deeds, as these are striking in themselves, but
by small actions like a movement of the hand, a look, and many other things too
numerous to mention, which have an effect on and reflect in the souls of others,
as I myself have noticed.
1476 Oh, how good it is that our rule demands strict silence in the dormitory
[common bedrooms] and does not allow us to stay in them unless it is absolutely
necessary. I have at present a little room in which two of us sleep, but at the
time of my sickness when I had to stay in bed, I found out how bothersome it
was if someone was sitting in the bedroom all the time. Sister N. 228 had some
handwork to do and sat in the bedroom almost all of the time, and another S.
229 would come to instruct her on how to do it. It's difficult to describe how
much this tires one, especially when one is ill and has spent a night in pain. Every
word has a repercussion somewhere in the brain, especially when the eyes are
heavy with sleep. O rule, how much love there is in you...
1477 When, during Vespers, the Magnificat was being sung and they came to
the words, "He has shown the strength of His arm," a profound spirit of
recollection enveloped my soul, and I understood that the Lord would soon
accomplish His work in my soul. 230 I am not surprised now that the Lord did
not disclose everything to me at first.
1478 + Why are You sad today, Jesus? Tell me, who is the cause of Your
sadness? And Jesus answered me, Chosen souls who do not have My spirit,
who live according to the letter [cf. 2 Cor. 3:6] and have placed the letter above
My spirit, above the spirit of love. I have founded My whole law on love, and yet I do not see love, even in
religious orders. This is why sadness fills My Heart. + J.M.J.
1479 O my Jesus, in terrible bitterness and pain, I yet feel the caress of Your Divine Heart. Like a good mother, You press me to Your bosom, And even now You give me to experience what the veil hides. O my Jesus, in this wilderness and terror which surround me, My heart still feels the warmth of Your gaze, Which no storm can blot out from me, As You give me the assurance of Your great love, O God. O my Jesus, midst the great miseries of this life, You shine like a star, O Jesus, protecting me from shipwreck. And though my miseries be great, I have great trust in the power of Your mercy. O hidden Jesus, in the many struggles of my last hour, May the omnipotence of Your grace be poured out upon my soul, That at death's moment I may gaze upon You And see You face to face, as do the chosen in heaven. O my Jesus, midst the dangers which surround me, I go through life with a cry of joy, my head raised proudly, Because against Your Heart so filled with love, O Jesus, All enemies will be crushed, all darkness dispelled.
1480 + Jesus, hide me in Your mercy and shield me against everything that
might terrify my soul. Do not let my trust in Your mercy be disappointed. Shield
me with the omnipotence of Your mercy, and judge me leniently as well.
1481 Today 231 during Holy Mass, I saw the Infant Jesus near my kneeler. He
appeared to be about one year old, and He asked me to take Him in my arms.
When I did take Him in my arms, He cuddled up close to my bosom and said, It
is good for Me to be close to your heart. "Although You are so little, I know
that You are God. Why do You take the appearance of such a little baby to
commune with me?" Because I want to teach you spiritual childhood. I want you
to be very little, because when you are little, I carry you close to My Heart, just
as you are holding Me close to your heart right now. And with that, I was again
alone, but no one can conceive the emotions of my soul, I was so fully plunged
in God, like a sponge thrown into the sea...
1482 + O my Jesus, You know that I have gotten myself into a lot of trouble for
speaking out the truth. O truth, so often oppressed, you nearly always wear a
crown of thorns! O Eternal Truth, support me that I may have the courage to
speak the truth even if it would come about that I would pay for it with my life.
O Jesus, how hard it is to believe in this, when one sees one thing taught and
something else lived.
1483 This is why, during the retreat, after a long observation of life, I resolved
to fix my eyes firmly on You, Jesus, the most perfect of models. O eternity,
which will uncover many secrets and make manifest the truth...
1484 O Living Host, support me in this exile, that I may be empowered to walk
faithfully in the footsteps of the Savior. I do not ask, Lord, that You take me
down from the cross, but I implore You to give me the strength to remain
steadfast upon it. I want to be stretched out upon the cross as You were, Jesus.
I want all the tortures and pains that You suffered. I want to drink the cup of
bitterness to the dregs. The Goodness of God.
1485 The mercy of God, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, the voice of the
Lord who speaks to us from the throne of mercy: Come to Me, all of you. Conversation of the Merciful God with a Sinful Soul. Jesus: Be not afraid of your Savior, O sinful soul. I make the first move to come
to you, for I know that by yourself you are unable to lift yourself to me. Child,
do not run away from your Father; be willing to talk openly with your God of
mercy who wants to speak words of pardon and lavish his graces on you. How
dear your soul is to Me! I have inscribed your name upon My hand; you are
engraved as a deep wound in My Heart. Soul: Lord, I hear your voice calling me to turn back from the path of sin, but I
have neither the strength nor the courage to do so. Jesus: I am your strength, I will help you in the struggle. Soul: Lord, I recognize your holiness, and I fear You. Jesus: My child, do you fear the God of mercy? My holiness does not prevent
Me from being merciful. Behold, for you I have established a throne of mercy on
earth-the tabernacle-and from this throne I desire to enter into your heart. I am
not surrounded by a retinue or guards. You can come to me at any moment, at
any time; I want to speak to you and desire to grant you grace. Soul: Lord, I doubt that You will pardon my numerous sins; my misery fills me
with fright. Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who
can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to
earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred
Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you.
Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite
heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue
with Me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over
to me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My
grace. Soul: You have conquered, O Lord, my stony heart with Your goodness. In
trust and humility I approach the tribunal of Your mercy, where You yourself
absolve me by the hand of your representative. O Lord, I feel Your grace and
Your peace filling my poor soul. I feel overwhelmed by Your mercy, O Lord.
You forgive me, which is more than I dared to hope for or could imagine. Your
goodness surpasses all my desires. And now, filled with gratitude for so many
graces, I invite You to my heart. I wandered, like a prodigal child gone astray;
but you did not cease to be my Father. Increase Your mercy toward me, for
You see how weak I am. Jesus: Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My
child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the
Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. Drink copiously from the Fountain
of Life and you will not weary on your journey. Look at the splendors of My
mercy and do not fear the enemies of your salvation. Glorify My mercy. Conversation of the Merciful God with a Despairing Soul.
1486 Jesus: O soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost.
Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy. -But the soul, deaf even to this appeal, wraps itself in darkness. Jesus calls out again: My child, listen to the voice of your merciful Father. -In the soul arises this reply: "For me there is no mercy," and it falls into greater
darkness, a despair which is a foretaste of hell and makes it unable to draw near
to God. Jesus calls to the soul a third time, but the soul remains deaf and blind, hardened
and despairing. Then the mercy of God begins to exert itself, and, without any
co-operation from the soul, God grants it final grace. If this too is spurned, God
will leave the soul in this self-chosen disposition for eternity. This grace emerges
from the merciful Heart of Jesus and gives the soul a special light by means of
which the soul begins to understand God's effort; but conversion depends on its
own will. The soul knows that this, for her, is final grace and, should it show
even a flicker of good will, the mercy of God will accomplish the rest. My omnipotent mercy is active here. Happy the soul that takes advantage of this
grace. Jesus: What joy fills My Heart when you return to me. Because you are weak, I
take you in My arms and carry you to the home of My Father. Soul (as if awaking, asks fearfully): Is it possible that there yet is mercy for me? Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Let it act in
your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light,
warmth, and life. Soul: But fear fills me at the thought of my sins, and this terrible fear moves me
to doubt Your goodness. Jesus: My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your
present lack of trust doesthat after so many efforts of My love and mercy, you
should still doubt My goodness. Soul: O Lord, save me yourself, for I perish. Be my Savior. O Lord, I am
unable to say anything more; my pitiful heart is torn asunder; but You, O Lord...
Jesus does not let the soul finish but, raising it from the ground, from the depths
of its misery, he leads it into the recesses of His Heart where all its sins
disappear instantly, consumed by the flames of love. Jesus: Here, soul, are all the treasures of My Heart. Take everything you need
from it. Soul: O Lord, I am inundated with Your grace. I sense that a new life has
entered into me and, above all, I feel Your love in my heart. That is enough for
me. O Lord, I will glorify the omnipotence of Your mercy for all eternity.
Encouraged by Your goodness, I will confide to You all the sorrows of my
heart. Jesus: Tell me all, My child, hide nothing from Me, because My loving Heart,
the Heart of your Best Friend, is listening to you. Soul: O Lord, now I see all my ingratitude and Your goodness. You were
pursuing me with Your grace, while I was frustrating Your benevolence. I see
that I deserve the depths of hell for spurning Your graces. Jesus (interrupting): Do not be absorbed in your misery-you are still too weak to
speak of it-but, rather, gaze on My Heart filled with goodness, and be imbued
with My sentiments. Strive for meekness and humility; be merciful to others, as I
am to you; and, when you feel your strength failing, if you come to the fountain
of mercy to fortify your soul, you will not grow weary on your journey. Soul: Now I understand Your mercy, which protects me, and like a brilliant star,
leads me into the home of my Father, protecting me from the horrors of hell that
I have deserved, not once, but a thousand times. O Lord, eternity will hardly
suffice for me to give due praise to Your unfathomable mercy and Your
compassion for me. + Conversation of the Merciful God with a Suffering Soul
1487 Jesus: Poor soul, I see that you suffer much and that you do not have even
the strength to coverse with me. So I will speak to you. Even though your
sufferings were very great, do not lose heart or give in to despondency. But tell
Me, my child, who has dared to wound your heart? Tell me about everything,
be sincere in dealing with Me, reveal all the wounds of your heart. I will heal
them, and your suffering will become a source of your sanctification. Soul: Lord, my sufferings are so great and numerous and have lasted so long
that I become discouraged. Jesus: My child, do not be discouraged. I know your boundless trust in Me; I
know you are aware of My goodness and mercy. Let us talk in detail about
everything that weighs so heavily upon your heart. Soul: There are so many different things that I do not know what to speak about
first, nor how to express it. Jesus: Talk to Me simply, as a friend to a friend. Tell Me now, My child, what
hinders you from advancing in holiness? Soul: Poor health detains me on the way to holiness. I cannot fulfill my duties. I
am as useless as an extra wheel on a wagon. I cannot mortify myself or fast to
any extent, as the saints did. Furthermore, nobody believes I am sick, so that
mental pain is added to those of the body, and I am often humiliated. Jesus, how
can anyone become holy in such circumstances? Jesus: True, My child, all that is painful. But there is no way to heaven except
the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest and
surest way. Soul: Lord, there is another obstacle on the road to holiness. Because I am
faithful to You, I am persecuted and suffer much. Jesus: It is because you are not of this world that the world hates you. First it
persecuted Me. Persecution is a sign that you are following in My footsteps
faithfully. Soul: My Lord, I am also discouraged because neither my superiors nor my
confessor understand my interior trials. A darkness clouds my mind. How can I
advance? All this discourages me from striving for the heights of sanctity. Jesus: Well, My child, this time you have told Me a good deal. I realize how
painful it is not to be understood, and especially by those whom one loves and
with whom one has been very open. But suffice it to know that I understand all
your troubles and misery. I am pleased by the deep faith you have, despite
everything, in My representatives. Learn from this that no one will understand a
soul entirely-that is beyond human ability. Therefore, I have remained on earth
to comfort your aching heart and to fortify your soul, so that you will not falter
on the way. You say that a dense darkness is obscuring your mind. But why, at
such times, do you not come to Me, the light who can in an instant pour into
your soul more understanding about holiness than can be found in any books?
No confessor is capable of teaching and enlightening a soul in this way. Know, too, that the darkness about which you complain I first endured in the
Garden of Olives when My Soul was crushed in mortal anguish. I am giving you
a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the
high degree of holiness I am intending for you in heaven. A suffering soul is
closest to My Heart. Soul: One more thing, Lord. What should I do when I am ignored and rejected
by people, especially by those on whom I had a right to count in times of
greatest need? Jesus: My child, make the resolution never to rely on people. Entrust yourself
completely to My will saying, "Not as I want, but according to Your will, O
God, let it be done unto me." These words, spoken from the depths of one's
heart, can raise a soul to the summit of sanctity in a short time. In such a soul I
delight. Such a soul gives Me glory. Such a soul fills heaven with the fragrance of
her virtue. But understand that the strength by which you bear sufferings comes
from frequent Communions. So approach this fountain of mercy often, to draw
with the vessel of trust whatever you need. Soul: Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness in remaining with us in this exile as
the God of mercy and blessing us with the radiance of Your compassion and
goodness. It is through the light of Your mercy that I have come to understand
how much You love me.
1488 Conversation of the Merciful God with a Soul Striving after Perfection. Jesus: I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do
I see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning
of this sadness, and what is its cause? Soul: Lord, the reason for my sadness is that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I
fall again into the same faults. I make resolutions in the morning, but in the
evening I see how much I have departed from them. Jesus: You see, My child, what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is
that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden
you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot
exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons. Soul: Yes, I know all that, but great temptations assail me, and various doubts
awaken within me and, moreover, everything irritates and discourages me. Jesus: My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement
and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice
virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not
even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits of self-love.
You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign in place
of your self-love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for
pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you
glorify My mercy. Soul: I understand what is the better thing to do, what pleases You more, but I
encounter great obstacles in acting on this understanding. Jesus: My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My
kingdom. But fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you,
so lean on Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw
from the fountain of life-for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such as
are distrustful of My goodness. Soul: O Lord, I feel my heart being filled with Your love and the rays of Your
mercy and love piercing my soul. I go, Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer
souls. Sustained by Your grace, I am ready to follow You, Lord, not only to
Tabor, but also to Calvary. I desire to lead souls to the fount of Your mercy so
that the splendor of Your mercy may be reflected in all souls, and the home of
our Father be filled to overflowing. And when the enemy begins to attack me, I
shall take refuge behind the shield of Your mercy.
1489 Conversation of the Merciful God with a Perfect Soul. Soul: My Lord and Master, I desire to converse with You. Jesus: Speak, My beloved child, for I am always listening. I wait for you. What
do you desire to say? Soul: Lord, first let me pour out my heart at Your feet in a fragrant anointing of
gratitude for the many blessings which You lavish upon me; even if I wanted to,
I could not count them. I only recall that there has never been a moment in my
life in which I have not experienced Your protection and goodness. Jesus: Your words please Me, and your thanksgiving opens up new treasures of
graces. But, My child, we should talk in more detail about the things that lie in
your heart. Let us talk confidentially and frankly, as two hearts that love one
another do. Soul: O my merciful Lord, there are secrets in my heart which no one knows or
will ever know except You because, even if I wanted to reveal them, no one
would understand me. Your minister knows some because I confess to him, but
he knows only the bit of these mysteries that I am capable of revealing; the rest
remains between us for eternity, O My Lord! You have covered me with the
cloak of Your mercy, pardoning my sins. Not once did You refuse Your
pardon; You always had pity on me, giving me a new life of grace. To prevent
doubts, You have entrusted me to the loving care of Your Church, that tender
mother, who in Your name assures me of the truths of faith and watches lest I
wander. Especially in the tribunal of Your mercy does my soul meet an ocean of
favors, though You did not give the Fallen Angels time to repent or prolong their
time of mercy. O my Lord, you have provided saintly priests to show me the
sure way. Jesus, there is one more secret in my life, the deepest and dearest to
my heart: it is You yourself when You come to my heart under the appearance
of bread. Herein lies the whole secret of my sanctity. Here my heart is so united
with Yours as to be but one. There are no more secrets, because all that is
Yours is mine, and all that is mine is Yours. Such is the omnipotence and the
miracle of Your mercy. All the tongues of men and of angels united could not
find words adequate to this mystery of Your love and mercy. When I contemplate this mystery, my heart falls into a new ecstasy. In silence I
tell You everything, Lord, because the language of love is without words; not a
single stirring of my heart escapes You. O Lord, the extent of Your great
condescension has awakened in my soul an even greater love for You, the sole
object of my love. The life of union manifests itself in perfect purity, deep
humility, gentle silence, and great zeal for the salvation of souls. O my sweetest Lord, You watch over me each moment and inspire me as to
how I should act in a precise situation, when my heart wavers between two
things. You yourself frequently intervened in the resolution of a difficulty.
Countless times, by means of a sudden enlightenment, You have given me to
know what is the more pleasing to You. Oh, how numerous are the instances of forgiveness about which no one knows!
How often You have poured into my soul courage and perseverance to go
forward. It is You yourself who removed obstacles from my road, intervening
directly in the actions of people. O Jesus, everything I have said to You is but a
pale shadow of what is taking place in my heart. O my Jesus, how ardently I
desire the conversion of sinners! You know what I am doing for them to win
them for You. Every offense against You wounds me deeply. I spare neither
strength, nor health, nor life itself in defense of Your kingdom. Although my
efforts may remain invisible on earth, they are no less valuable in Your eyes. O Jesus, I want to bring souls to the fount of Your mercy to draw the reviving
water of life with the vessel of trust. The soul desirous of more of God's mercy
should approach God with greater trust; and if her trust in God is unlimited, then
the mercy of God toward it will be likewise limitless. O my God, Who know
every beat of my heart, You know how eagerly I desire that all hearts would
beat for You alone, that every soul glorify the greatness of Your mercy. Jesus: My beloved child, delight of My Heart, your words are dearer and more
pleasing to me than the angelic chorus. All the treasures of My Heart are open
to you. Take from this Heart all that you need for yourself and for the whole
world. For the sake of your love, I withhold the just chastisements, which
mankind has deserved. A single act of pure love pleases Me more than a
thousand imperfect prayers. One of your sighs of love atones for many offenses
with which the godless overwhelm Me. The smallest act of virtue has unlimited
value in My eyes because of your great love for Me. In a soul that lives on My
love alone, I reign as in heaven. I watch over it day and night. In it I find My
happiness; My ear is attentive to each request of its heart; often I anticipate its
requests. O child, especially beloved by Me, apple of My eye, rest a moment
near My Heart and taste of the love in which you will delight for all eternity. But child, you are not yet in your homeland; so go, fortified by My grace, and
fight for My kingdom in human souls; fight as a king's child would; and
remember that the days of your exile will pass quickly, and with them the
possibility of earning merit for heaven. I expect from you, My child, a great
number of souls who will glorify My mercy for all eternity. My child, that you
may answer My call worthily, receive Me daily in Holy Communion. It will give
you strength... Jesus, do not leave me alone in suffering. You know, Lord, how weak I am. I
am an abyss of wretchedness, I am nothingness itself; so what will be so strange
if You leave me alone and I fall? I am an infant, Lord, so I cannot get along by
myself. However, beyond all abandonment I trust, and in spite of my own feeling
I trust, and I am being completely transformed into trust-often in spite of what I
feel. Do not lessen any of my sufferings, only give me strength to bear them. Do
with me as You please, Lord, only give me the grace to be able to love You in
every event and circumstance. Lord, do not lessen my cup of bitterness, only
give me strength that I may be able to drink it all. O Lord, sometimes You lift me up to the brightness of visions, and then again
You plunge me into the darkness of night and the abyss of my nothingness, and
my soul feels as if it were alone in the wilderness. Yet, above all things, I trust in
You, Jesus, for You are unchangeable. My moods change, but You are always
the same, full of mercy.
1490 + Jesus, source of life, sanctify me. O my strength, fortify me. My
Commander, fight for me. Only light of my soul, enlighten me. My Master, guide
me. I entrust myself to You as a little child does to its mother's love. Even if all
things were to conspire against me, and even if the ground were to give way
under my feet, I would be at peace close to Your heart. You are always a most
tender mother to me, and You surpass all mothers. I will sing of my pain to You
by my silence, and You will understand me beyond any utterance...
1491 + The Lord visited me today and said, My daughter, do not be afraid of
what will happen to you. I will give you nothing beyond your strength. You
know the power of My grace; let that be enough. After these words, the Lord
gave me a deeper understanding of the action of His grace.
1492 Before Holy Communion, Jesus gave me to understand that I should pay
absolutely no attention to what a certain sister would say, because her cunning
and malice were displeasing to Him. My daughter, do not speak to this person
about either your views or your opinions. I begged the Lord's pardon for what
in that soul was displeasing to Him, and I begged Him to strengthen me with His
grace when she would come to talk with me again. She has asked me about
many things, to which I gave answer with all my sisterly love and, as evidence
that I have spoken to her from the bottom of my heart, I have told her some
things that came from my own experience. But her intentions were something
quite different from the words on her lips...
1493 + O my Jesus, from the moment I gave myself completely to You, I have
given no thought whatsoever for myself. You may do with me whatever You
like. There is only one thing I think about; that is, what do You prefer; what can
I do, O Lord, to please You. I listen and watch for each opportunity. It matters
not if I am outwardly judged otherwise in this matter...
1494 January 15, 1938. Today, when the sister about whom the Lord warned
me came to see me, I armed myself spiritually for battle. Although it cost me
much, I did not depart one bit from what the Lord had commanded. But when
an hour had gone by, and the sister made no move to go, I interiorly called upon
Jesus to help. Then I heard a voice in my soul saying, Do not fear. I am
watching you this very moment and am helping you. In a moment, I will send
you two sisters who are coming to visit you, and then you will find it easy to
continue the conversation. And at that moment two sisters entered, and then the
conversation was much easier, even though it lasted for still another half hour.
1495 Oh, how good it is to call on Jesus for help during a conversation. Oh,
how good it is, during a moment of peace, to beg for actual graces. I fear most
of all this sort of confidential conversation; there is need of much divine light at
times like this, in order to speak with profit, both for the other person's soul, and
for one's own as well. God, however, comes to our aid; but we have to ask Him
for it. Let no one trust too much in his own self.
1496 January 17, 1938. Today, since early in the morning, my soul has been in
darkness. I cannot ascend to Jesus, and I feel as though I have been forsaken
by Him. I will not turn to creatures for light, because I know that they will not
enlighten me if Jesus wills to keep me in darkness. I submit myself to His holy
will and suffer. Still, the struggle is becoming more and more desperate. During
Vespers, I wanted to unite myself with the sisters through prayer.
1497 When I went, in my thoughts, to the chapel, my spirit was plunged into
even greater darkness. Total discouragement came over me. Then I heard
Satan's voice: "See how contradictory everything is that Jesus gives to you: He
tells you to found a convent, and then He gives you sickness; He tells you to set
about establishing this Feast of Mercy while the whole world does not at all
want such a feast. Why do you pray for this feast? It is so inopportune." My
soul remained silent and, by an act of will, continued to pray without entering
into conversation with the Spirit of Darkness. Nevertheless, such an
extraordinary disgust with life came over me that I had to make a great act of
the will to consent to go on living... And again I heard the tempter's words: "Ask for death for yourself, tomorrow
after Holy Communion. God will hear you, for He has heard you so many times
before and has given you what you asked for." I remained silent and, by an act
of will, I began to pray, or rather, submitted myself to God, asking Him interiorly
not to abandon me at this moment. It was already eleven o'clock at night, and
there was silence all around. The sisters were all asleep in their cells, and my
soul alone was struggling with great exertion. The tempter went on: "Why should you bother about other souls? You ought to
be praying only for yourself. As for sinners, they will be converted without your
prayers. I see that you are suffering very much at this moment. I'm going to give
you a piece of advice on which your happiness will depend: never speak about
God's mercy and, in particular, do not encourage sinners to trust in God's
mercy, because they deserve a just punishment. Another very important thing:
do not tell your confessors, and especially this extraordinary confessor and the
priest in Vilnius, about what goes on in your soul. I know them; I know who
they are, and so I want to put you on your guard against them. You see, to live
as a good nun, it is sufficient to live like all the others. Why expose yourself to so
many difficulties?"
1498 I remained silent, and by an act of will I dwelt in God, although a moan
escaped from my heart. Finally, the tempter went away and I, exhausted, fell
asleep immediately. In the morning, right after receiving Holy Communion, I
went immediately to my cell and falling on my knees I renewed my act of
submission in all things to the will of God. "Jesus, I ask You, give me the
strength for battle. Let it be done to me according to Your most holy will. My
soul is enamored of Your most holy will."
1499 At that moment, I saw Jesus, who said, I am pleased with what you are
doing. And you can continue to be at peace if you always do the best you can in
respect to this work of mercy. Be absolutely as frank as possible with your confessor. Satan gained nothing by tempting you, because you did not enter into
conversation with him. Continue to act in this way. You gave Me great glory
today by fighting so faithfully. Let it be confirmed and engraved on your heart
that I am always with you, even if you don't feel My presence at the time of
battle.
1500 Today, the love of God is transporting me into the other world. I am all
immersed in love; I love and feel that I am loved, and with full consciousness I
experience this. My soul is drowning in the Lord, realizing the great Majesty of
God and its own littleness; but through this knowledge my happiness increases...
This awareness is so vivid in the soul, so powerful and, at the same time, so
sweet. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 5
1501 + Now that I have difficulty sleeping at night, because my suffering won't
allow it, I visit all the churches and chapels and, if only for a brief moment, I
make an act of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. When I return to my
chapel, I then pray for certain priests who proclaim and glorify The Divine
Mercy. I also pray for the intentions of the Holy Father and to obtain mercy for
sinners-such are my nights.
1502 January 20, 1938. I never cringe before anyone. I can't bear flattery, for
humility is nothing but the truth. There is no cringing in true humility. Although I
consider myself the least in the whole convent, on the other hand, I enjoy the
honor of being the bride of Christ. Little matter that often I hear people say that
I am proud, for I know that human judgment does not discern the motives for
our actions.
1503 When, at the beginning of my religious life, following the novitiate, I began
to exercise myself particularly in humility, the humiliations that God sent me were
not enough for me. And so, in my excessive zeal, I looked for more of them on
my own, and I often represented myself to my superiors other than I was in
reality and spoke of miseries of which I had no notion. But a short time later,
Jesus gave me to know that humility is only the truth. From that time on, I
changed my ideas, faithfully following the light of Jesus. I learned that if a soul is
with Jesus, He will not permit it to err.
1504 + Lord, You know that since my youth I have always sought Your will
and, recognizing it, have always tried to carry it out. My heart has been
accustomed to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit, to whom I am faithful. In the
midst of the greatest din I have heard the voice of God. I always know what is
going on in my interior...
1505 I am striving for sanctity, because in this way I shall be useful to the
Church. I make constant efforts in practicing virtue. I try faithfully to follow
Jesus. And I deposit this whole series of daily virtues-silent, hidden, almost
imperceptible, but made with great love-in the treasury of God's Church for the
common benefit of souls. I feel interiorly as if I were responsible for all souls. I
know very well that I do not live for myself alone, but for the entire Church...
1506 + O incomprehensible God, my heart dissolves in joy that You have
allowed me to penetrate the mysteries of Your mercy! Everything begins with
Your mercy and ends with Your mercy.
1507 All grace flows from mercy, and the last hour abounds with mercy for us.
Let no one doubt concerning the goodness of God; even if a person's sins were
as dark as night, God's mercy is stronger than our misery. One thing alone is
necessary: that the sinner set ajar the door of his heart, be it ever so little, to let
in a ray of God's merciful grace, and then God will do the rest. But poor is the
soul who has shut the door on God's mercy, even at the last hour. It was just
such souls who plunged Jesus into deadly sorrow in the Garden of Olives;
indeed, it was from His Most Merciful Heart that divine mercy flowed out.
1508 January 21, [1938]. Jesus, how truly dreadful it would be to suffer if it
were not for You. But it is You, Jesus, stretched out on the cross, who give me
strength and are always close to the suffering soul. Creatures will abandon a
person in his suffering, but You, O Lord, are faithful...
1509 It often happens when one is ill, as in the case of Job in the Old
Testament, that as long as one can move about and work, everything is fine and
dandy; but when God sends illness, somehow or other, there are fewer friends
about. But yet, there are some. They still take interest in our suffering and all
that, but if God sends a longer illness, even those faithful friends slowly begin to
desert us. They visit us less frequently, and often their visits cause suffering.
Instead of comforting us, they reproach us about certain things, which is an
occasion of a good deal of suffering. And so the soul, like Job, is alone; but
fortunately it is not alone, because Jesus Host is with it. After having tasted the above sufferings and spent a whole night in bitterness, the
next morning, when the chaplain [Father Theodore] brought me Holy
Communion, I had to control myself by sheer effort of will to keep from crying
out at the top of my voice, "Welcome, my true and only Friend." Holy
Communion gives me strength to suffer and fight. I wish to speak of one more thing that I have experienced: when God gives
neither death nor health, and [when] this lasts for many years, people become
accustomed to this and consider the person as not being ill. Then there begins a
whole series of silent sufferings. Only God knows how many sacrifices the soul
makes.
1510 One evening, when I was feeling so bad that I wondered how I would get
back to my cell, I came across the Sister Assistant [Sister Seraphina], who was
asking one of the sisters of the first choir to go to the gate with a certain
message. But when she saw me, she said to her, "No, Sister, you need not go,
but Sister Faustina will, because it is raining heavily." I answered, "All right," and
went and carried out the order, but only God knows the whole of it. This is just
one example among many. Sometimes it would seem that a sister of the second
choir 232 is made of stone, but she also is human and has a heart and feelings...
1511 At such times, God Himself comes to our rescue, for otherwise the soul
would not be able to bear these crosses of which I haven't even begun to write,
nor do I intend to do so now. But when I feel the inspiration to do so, I will
write about them...
1512 Today, during Mass, I saw the Lord Jesus in the midst of His sufferings,
as though dying on the cross. He said to me, My daughter, meditate frequently
on the sufferings which I have undergone for your sake, and then nothing of
what you suffer for Me will seem great to you. You please Me most when you
meditate on My Sorrowful Passion. Join your little sufferings to My Sorrowful
Passion, so that they may have infinite value before My Majesty.
1513 + Jesus said to me today, You often call Me your Master. This is pleasing
to My Heart; but do not forget, My disciple, that you are a disciple of a
crucified Master. Let that one word be enough for you. You know what is
contained in the cross.
1514 + I have learned that the greatest power is hidden in patience. I see that
patience always leads to victory, although not immediately; but that victory will
become manifest after many years. Patience is linked to meekness.
1515 + I spent this whole night with Jesus in the dark dungeon. This was a night
of adoration. The sisters were praying in the chapel, and I was uniting myself
with them in spirit, because poor health prevents me from going to the chapel.
But all night long I could not fall asleep, so I spent the night in the dark prison
with Jesus. Jesus gave me to know of the sufferings He experienced there. The
world will learn about them on the day of judgment.
1516 My daughter, tell souls that I am giving them My mercy as a defense. I
Myself am fighting for them and am bearing the just anger of My Father.
1517 Say, My daughter, that the Feast of My Mercy has issued forth from My
very depths for the consolation of the whole world.
1518 Jesus, my peace and my rest, I beg You to give light to that sister, so that
she may change interiorly, Support her powerfully with Your grace, so that she,
too, may attain perfection.
1519 + Today before Holy Communion, the Lord said to me, My daughter,
today talk openly to the Superior [Mother Irene] about My mercy because, of
all the superiors, she has taken the greatest part in proclaiming My mercy. And
in fact, Mother Superior came this afternoon, and we talked about this Work of
God. Mother told me that the images had not come out too well and were not
selling very well. "But," she said, "I have taken a good quantity myself and am
distributing them wherever I can and do the best I can to spread the Work of
Mercy." When she had gone, the Lord gave me to know how pleasing this soul
was to Him.
1520 Today the Lord said to me, I have opened My Heart as a living fountain
of mercy. Let all souls draw life from it. Let them approach this sea of mercy
with great trust. Sinners will attain justification, and the just will be confirmed in
good. Whoever places his trust in My mercy will be filled with My divine peace
at the hour of death.
1521 The Lord said to me, My daughter, do not tire of proclaiming My mercy.
In this way you will refresh this Heart of Mine, which burns with a flame of pity
for sinners. Tell My priests that hardened sinners will repent on hearing their
words when they speak about My unfathomable mercy, about the compassion I
have for them in My Heart. To priests who proclaim and extol My mercy, I will
give wondrous power; I will anoint their words and touch the hearts of those to
whom they will speak.
1522 Community life is difficult in itself, but it is doubly difficult to get along with
proud souls. "O God, give me ' a deeper faith that I may always see in every
sister Your holy image which has been engraved in her soul...
1523 Everlasting love, pure flame, burn in my heart ceaselessly and deify my
whole being, according to Your infinite pleasure by which You summoned me
into existence and called me to take part in Your everlasting happiness. O
merciful Lord, it is only out of mercy that You have lavished these gifts upon me.
Seeing all these free gifts within me, with deep humility I worship Your
incomprehensible goodness. Lord, my heart is filled with amazement that You,
absolute Lord, in need of no one, would nevertheless stoop so low out of pure
love for us. I can never help being amazed that the Lord would have such an
intimate relationship with His creatures. That again is His unfathomable
goodness. Every time I begin this meditation, I never finish it, because my spirit
becomes entirely drowned in Him. What a delight it is to love with all the force
of one's soul and to be loved even more in return, to feel and experience this
with the full consciousness of one's being. There are no words to express this.
1524 January 25, 1938. My Jesus, how good and patient You are! You often
look upon us as little children. We often beg You, but we don't know what for,
because towards the end of the prayer, when You give us what we have asked
for, we do not want to accept it.
1525 One day, a certain sister came to me and asked me for prayers, telling me
that she could no longer stand things as they were. "And so, please pray, Sister."
I answered that I would, and I began a novena to The Divine Mercy. I learned
that God would give her the grace, but that she would once again be dissatisfied
when she received it. However, I kept on praying as she had asked me to do.
The next day, the same sister came looking for me, and when we again began to
talk about the same thing, I told her, "You know, Sister, when we pray, we
ought not force the Lord God to give us what we want, but we should rather
submit to His holy will." But she thought that what she was asking for was
indispensable. Towards the end of the novena, the sister came again and said,
"O Sister, the Lord Jesus has given me the grace, but now I am of a different
mind. Please pray so that things will somehow be different again." I answered,
"Yes, I will pray, but that God's will be done in you, Sister, and not what you
want."
1526 Most Merciful Heart of Jesus, protect us from the just anger of God.
1527 + A certain sister is constantly persecuting me for the sole reason that God
communes with me so intimately, and she thinks that this is all pretense on my
part. When, she thinks that I have done something amiss she says, "Some
people have revelations, but commit such faults!" She has said this to all the
sisters and always in a derogatory sense, in order to make me out as some sort
of an oddity. One day, it caused me much pain to think that this insignificant
drop which is the human brain can so easily scrutinize the gifts of God. After
Holy Communion, I prayed that the Lord would enlighten her, but nevertheless I
learned that this soul will not attain perfection if she does not change her interior
dispositions.
1528 + When I complained to the Lord Jesus about a certain person [saying],
"Jesus, how can this person pass judgment like that, even about an intention?"
the Lord answered, Do not be surprised. That soul does not even know her
own self, so how could she pass a fair judgment on another soul?
1529 Today I saw Father Andrasz at prayer. I also knew that he was
interceding with the Lord for me. The Lord sometimes makes known to me who
is praying for me.
1530 I am keeping myself a bit in the background, as though this work of God
did not interest me. I am not speaking about it at present, but my whole soul is
steeped in prayer, and I am entreating God to be so good as to hasten this great
gift; that is to say, the Feast of Mercy. And I see that Jesus is acting, and is
Himself giving the directives as to how this is to be carried out. Nothing happens
by accident.
1531 Today I said to the Lord Jesus, "Do You see how many difficulties there
are [to be overcome] before they will believe that You yourself are the author of
this work? And even now, not everyone believes in it." Be at peace, My child;
nothing can oppose My will. In spite of the murmuring and hostility of the sisters,
My will shall be done in you in all its fullness, down to the last detail of My
wishes and My designs. Do not become sad about this; I too was a stumbling
stone for some souls.
1532 + Jesus complained to me of how painful to Him is the unfaithfulness of
chosen souls, and My heart is even more wounded by their distrust after a fall. It
would be less painful if they had not experienced the goodness of My heart.
1533 I saw the anger of God hanging heavy over Poland. And now I see that if
God were to visit our country with the greatest chastisements, that would still be
great mercy because, for such grave transgressions, He could punish us with
eternal annihilation. I was paralyzed with fear when the Lord lifted the veil a little
for me. Now I see clearly that chosen souls keep the world in existence to fulfill
the measure [of justice].
1534 + I saw a certain priest's efforts in prayer. His prayer is similar to that of
the Lord Jesus in the Garden of Olives. Oh, if that priest [probably Father
Sopocko] only knew how pleasing to God that prayer was!
1535 O Jesus, I am locking myself in Your most merciful heart as in a fortress,
impregnable against the missiles of my enemies.
1536 Today I found myself in the presence of a certain dying person who was
approaching death in my home neighborhood. I supported her with my prayers
and, after a few moments, I felt for a short while pain in my hands, feet and
side...
1537 January 27, 1938. During Holy Hour today, Jesus complained to me
about the ingratitude of souls: In return for My blessings, I get ingratitude. In return for My love, I get
forgetfulness and indifference. My Heart cannot bear this.
1538 At that moment, love for Jesus was enkindled so strongly in my heart that,
offering myself for ungrateful souls, I immersed myself completely in Him. When
I came to my senses, the Lord allowed me to taste a little, of the ingratitude
which flooded His Heart. This experience lasted for a short while.
1539 Today I said to the Lord, "When will You take me to Yourself? I've been
feeling so ill, and I've been waiting for Your coming with such longing!" Jesus
answered me, Be always ready; I will not leave you in this exile for long. My
holy will must be fulfilled in you. O Lord, if Your holy will has not yet been
entirely fulfilled in me, here I am, ready for everything that You want, O Lord! O
my Jesus, there is only one thing which surprises me; namely, that You make so
many secrets known to me; but that one secret-the hour of my death-You do
not want to tell me. And the Lord answered me, Be at peace; I will let you
know, but not just now. Ah, my Lord, I beg Your pardon for wanting to know
this. You know very well why, because You know my yearning heart, which is
eagerly going out to You. You know that I would not want to die even a minute
before the time which You have appointed for me before the ages. Jesus
listened with wondrous kindness to the outpourings of my heart.
1540 January 28, 1938. Today the Lord said to me, My daughter, write down
these words: All those souls who will glorify My mercy and spread its worship,
encouraging others to trust in My mercy, will not experience terror at the hour of
death. My mercy will shield them in that final battle...
1541 My daughter, encourage souls to say the chaplet which I have given to
you. It pleases Me to grant everything they ask of Me by saying the chaplet.
When hardened sinners say it, I will fill their souls with peace, and the hour of
their death will be a happy one. Write this for the benefit of distressed souls: when a soul sees and realizes the
gravity of its sins, when the whole abyss of the misery into which it immersed
itself is displayed before its eyes, let it not despair, but with trust let it throw itself
into the arms of My mercy, as a child into the arms of its beloved mother. These
souls have a right of priority to My compassionate Heart, they have first access
to My mercy. Tell them that no soul that has called upon My mercy has been
disappointed or brought to shame. I delight particularly in a soul which has
placed its trust in My goodness. Write that when they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand
between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the
merciful Savior.
1542 At that moment, the Lord gave me to know how jealous He is of my
heart. Even among the sisters you will feel lonely. Know then that I want you to unite
yourself more closely to Me. I am concerned about every beat of your heart.
Every stirring of your love is reflected in My Heart. I thirst for your love. "Yes,
O Jesus, but my heart would not be able to live without You, either; for even if
the hearts of all creatures were offered to me, they would not satisfy the depths
of my heart."
1543 Today toward evening, the Lord said to me, Entrust yourself completely
to Me at the hour of death, and I will present you to My Father as My bride.
And now I recommend that you unite, in a special way, even your smallest
deeds to My merits, and then My Father will look upon them with love as if they
were My own.
1544 Do not change your particular examen which I have given you through
Father Andrasz; namely, that you unite yourself with Me continually. That is
what I am clearly asking of you today. Be a child toward My representatives,
because I borrow their lips to speak to you, so that you will have no doubts
about anything.
1545 My health has improved somewhat. I went down to the refectory and the
chapel today. I still cannot resume my duties, and so I stay in my cell at the
hand-loom [making borders for altar linens]. I enjoy this work very much, but
still, even with such light work, I tire easily. I see how feeble I am. There are no
indifferent moments in my life, since every moment of my life is filled with prayer,
suffering and work. If not in one way, then in another, I glorify God; and if God
were to give me a second life, I do not know whether I would make better use
of it...
1546 The Lord said to me, I am delighted with your love. Your sincere love is
as pleasing to My Heart as the fragrance of a rosebud at morningtide, before the
sun has taken the dew from it. The freshness of your heart captivates Me; that is
why I unite Myself with you more closely than with any other creature...
1547 Today I saw the efforts of this priest [Father Sopocko] concerning the
affairs of God. His heart is beginning to taste that which filled God's Heart during
His earthly life. In recompense for his efforts-ingratitude... But he is very zealous
for the glory of God...
1548 January 30, 1938. One-day retreat. The Lord gave me to know, during meditation, that as long as my heart beats in
my breast, I must always strive to spread the Kingdom of God on earth. I am to
fight for the glory of my Creator. I know that I will give God the glory He expects of me if I try faithfully to
cooperate with God's grace.
1549 I want to live in the spirit of faith. I accept everything that comes my way
as given me by the loving will of God, who sincerely desires my happiness. And
so I will accept with submission and gratitude everything that God sends me. I
will pay no attention to the voice of nature and to the promptings of self-love.
Before each important action, I will stop to consider for a moment what
relationship it has to eternal life and what may be the main reason for my
undertaking it: is it for the glory of God, or for the good of my own soul, or for
the good of the souls of others? If my heart says yes, then I will not swerve from
carrying out the given action, unmindful of either obstacles or sacrifices. I will not
be frightened into abandoning my intention. It is enough for me to know that it is
pleasing to God. On the other hand, if I learn that the action has nothing in
common with what I have just mentioned, I will try to elevate it to a loftier
sphere by means of a good intention. And if I learn that something flows from
my self-love, I will cancel it out right from the start.
1550 In cases of doubt, I will not act, but will scrupulously seek clarifications
from the priests, and in particular from my spiritual director. I will not give
explanations on my own behalf when someone reproaches me or criticizes me,
unless I am directly asked to bear witness to the truth. With great patience, I will
listen when others open their hearts to me, accept their sufferings, give them
spiritual comfort, but drown my own sufferings in the most merciful Heart of
Jesus. I will never leave the depths of His mercy, while bringing the whole world
into those depths. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 5
1551 In the meditation on death, I asked the Lord to deign to fill my heart with
those sentiments which I will have at the moment of my death. And through
God's grace I received an interior reply that I had done what was within my
power and so could be at peace. At that moment, such profound gratitude to
God was awakened in my soul that I burst into tears of joy like a little child. I
prepared to receive Holy Communion next morning as "viaticum," and I said the
prayers of the dying 233 for my own intention.
1552 Then I heard the words: As you are united with Me in life, so will you be
united at the moment of death. After these words, such great trust in God's great
mercy was awakened in my soul that, even if I had had the sins of the whole
world, as well as the sins of all the condemned souls weighing on my
conscience, I would not have doubted God's goodness but, without hesitation,
would have thrown myself into the abyss of the divine mercy, which is always
open to us; and, with a heart crushed to dust, I would have cast myself at His
feet, abandoning myself totally to His holy will, which is mercy itself.
1553 O my Jesus, Life of my soul, my Life, my Savior, my sweetest
Bridegroom, and at the same time my Judge, You know that in this last hour of
mine I do not count on any merits of my own, but only on Your mercy. Even as
of today, I immerse myself totally in the abyss of Your mercy, which is always
open to every soul. O my Jesus, I have only one task to carry out in my lifetime, in death, and
throughout eternity, and that is to adore Your incomprehensible mercy. No
mind, either of angel or of man, will ever fathom the mysteries of Your mercy, O
God. The angels are lost in amazement before the mystery of divine mercy, but
cannot comprehend it. Everything that has come from the Creator's hand is
contained in this inconceivable mystery; that is to say, in the very depths of His
tender mercy. When I meditate on this, my spirit swoons, and my heart
dissolves in joy. O Jesus, it is through Your most compassionate Heart, as
through a crystal, that the rays of divine mercy have come to us.
1554 February 1, [1938]. Today I am feeling a little worse, physically, but I am
still taking part in the common life [prayers, meals, and recreation]. I am making
great efforts, known to You alone, Jesus. In the refectory today, I did not think I
would last until the end of the meal. Every mouthful causes me extreme pain.
1555 When Mother S. [Irene] visited me a week ago, she said, "You catch
every sickness, Sister, because your system is so weak, but that is not your
fault. In fact, if any other sister had that same sickness, she would certainly be
walking around; whereas you, Sister, must stay in bed!! These words did not
hurt me, but it is better not to make such comparisons with very sick persons,
because their cup is full enough as it is. Another thing: when sisters visit the sick,
they should not ask in detail every time, "What is hurting you, and how does it
hurt?" because it is very tiresome to keep telling each sister the same thing about
oneself. And it sometimes happens that one must repeat the same thing over and
over many times a day.
1556 When I had gone to the chapel for a moment, the Lord gave me to know
that, among His chosen ones, there are some who are especially chosen, and
whom He calls to a higher form of holiness, to exceptional union with Him.
These are seraphic souls, from whom God demands greater love than He does
from others. Although all live in the same convent, yet He sometimes demands
of a particular soul a greater degree of love. Such a soul understands this call,
because God makes this known to it interiorly, but the soul may either follow
this call or not. It depends on the soul itself whether it is faithful to these touches
of the Holy Spirit, or whether it resists them. I have learned that there is a place
in purgatory where souls will pay their debt to God for such transgressions; this
kind of torment is the most difficult of all. The soul which is specially marked by
God will be distinguished everywhere, whether in heaven or in purgatory or in
hell. In heaven, it will be distinguished from other souls by greater glory and
radiance and deeper knowledge of God. In purgatory, by greater pain, because
it knows God more profoundly and desires Him more vehemently. In hell, it will
suffer more profoundly than other souls, because it knows more fully whom it
has lost. This indelible mark of God's exclusive love, in the [soul], will not be
obliterated.
1557 O Jesus, keep me in holy fear, so that I may not waste graces. Help me to
be faithful to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit. Grant that my heart may burst for
love of You, rather than I should neglect even one act of love for You.
1558 February 2, [1938]. Darkness of the soul. Today is the Feast of the
Mother of God, and in my soul it is so dark. The Lord has hidden Himself, and I
am alone, all alone. My mind has become so dimmed that I see only phantasies
about me. Not a single ray of light penetrates my soul. I do not understand
myself or those who speak to me. Frightful temptations regarding the holy faith
assail me. O my Jesus, save me. I cannot say anything more. I cannot describe
these things in detail, for I fear lest someone be scandalized on reading this. I am
astounded that such torments could befall a soul. O hurricane, what are you
doing to the boat of my heart? This storm has lasted the whole day and night. When Mother Superior [Irene] came in to see me and asked, "Would you like
to take advantage of this occasion, Sister, since Father An. [Andrasz] is coming
to hear confessions?" I answered, no. It seemed to me that Father would not
understand me, nor would I be able to make a confession. I spent the whole night with Jesus in Gethsemane. From my breast there
escaped one continuous moan. A natural dying will be much easier, because
then one is in agony and will die; while here, one is in agony, but cannot die. O
Jesus, I never thought such suffering could exist. Nothingness: that is the reality.
O Jesus, save me! I believe in You with all my heart. So many times have I seen
the radiance of Your face, and now, where are You, Lord?... I believe, I
believe, and again I believe in You, Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
and in all the truths which Your holy Church gives me to believe... But the
darkness does not recede, and my spirit plunges into even greater agony. And at
that moment, such terrible torment overwhelmed me that now I am amazed at
myself that I did not breathe my last, but this was for only a brief instant.
1559 At that moment I saw Jesus, and from His Heart there issued those same
two rays, which enveloped me, whole and entire. At the same moment, all my
torments vanished. My daughter, the Lord said, know that of yourself you are
just what you have gone through, and it is only by My grace that you are a
participant of eternal life and all the gifts I lavish on you. And with these words
of the Lord, there came to me a true knowledge of myself. Jesus is giving me a
lesson in deep humility and, at the same time, one of total trust in Him. My heart
is reduced to dust and ashes, and even if all people were to trample me under
their feet, I would still consider that a favor. I feel and am, in fact, very deeply permeated with the knowledge that I am
nothing, so that real humiliations will be a refreshment for me.
1560 February 3, [1938]. Today after Holy Communion, Jesus again gave me a
few directives: First, do not fight against a temptation by yourself, but disclose it
to the confessor at once, and then the temptation will lose all its force. Second,
during these ordeals do not lose your peace; live in My presence; ask My
Mother and the Saints for help. Third, have the certitude that I am looking at
you and supporting you. Fourth, do not fear either struggles of the soul or any
temptations, because I am supporting you; if only you are willing to fight, know
that the victory is always on your side. Fifth, know that by fighting bravely you
give Me great glory and amass merits for yourself. Temptation gives you a
chance to show Me your fidelity.
1561 And now I am going to tell you something that is most important for you:
boundless sincerity with your spiritual director. If you do not take advantage of
this great grace according to My instructions, I will take him away from you, and
then you will be left to yourself; and all the torments, which you know very well,
will return to you. It displeases Me that you do not take advantage of the
opportunity when you are able to see him and talk with him. Know that it is a
great grace on My part when I give a spiritual director to a soul. Many souls ask
Me for this, but it is not to all that I grant this grace. From the moment when I
gave you this priest as spiritual director, I endowed him with new light so that he
might easily know and understand your soul...
1562 O my Jesus, my only mercy, allow me to see contentment in Your face as
a sign of reconciliation with me, because my heart cannot bear Your
seriousness; if this continues a moment longer my heart will burst with grief. You
see that I am even now crushed to dust.
1563 And at that very moment I saw myself in some kind of a palace; and Jesus
gave me His hand, sat me at His side, and said with kindness, My bride, you
always please Me by your humility. The greatest misery does not stop Me from
uniting Myself to a soul, but where there is pride, I am not there. When I came to myself, I reflected on what had happened in my heart, thanking
God for His love and for the mercy that He had shown me.
1564 Jesus, hide me; just as You have hidden Yourself under the form of the
white Host, so hide me from human eyes, and particularly hide the gifts which
You so kindly grant me. May I not betray outwardly what You are effecting in
my soul. I am a white host before You, O Divine Priest. Consecrate me
Yourself, and may my transubstantiation be known only to You. I stand before
You each day as a sacrificial host and implore Your mercy upon the world. In
silence, and unseen, I will empty myself before You; my pure and undivided love
will burn, in profound silence, as a holocaust. And may the fragrance of my love
be wafted to the foot of Your throne. You are the Lord of lords, but You delight
in innocent and humble souls.
1565 When I entered the chapel for a moment, the Lord said to me, My
daughter, help Me to save a certain dying sinner. Say the chaplet that I have
taught you for him. When I began to say the chaplet, I saw the man dying in the
midst of terrible torment and struggle. His Guardian Angel was defending him,
but he was, as it were, powerless against the enormity of the soul's misery. A
multitude of devils was waiting for the soul. But while I was saying the chaplet, I
saw Jesus just as He is depicted in the image. The rays which issued from Jesus'
Heart enveloped the sick man, and the powers of darkness fled in panic. The
sick man peacefully breathed his last. When I came to myself, I understood how
very important the chaplet was for the dying. It appeases the anger of God.
1566 When I was apologizing to the Lord Jesus for a certain action of mine
which, a little later, turned out to be imperfect, Jesus put me at ease with these
words: My daughter, I reward you for the purity of your intention which you had
at the time when you acted. My Heart rejoiced that you had My love under
consideration at the time you acted, and that in so distinct a way; and even now
you still derive benefit from this; that is, from the humiliation. Yes, My child, I
want you to always have such great purity of intention in the very least things you
undertake.
1567 As I took the pen in hand, I addressed a short prayer to the Holy Spirit
and said, "Jesus, bless this pen so that everything You order me to write may be
for the glory of God." Then I heard a voice: Yes, I bless [it], because this writing
bears the seal of obedience to your superior and confessor, and by that very
fact I am already given glory, and many souls will be drawing profit from it. My
daughter, I demand that you devote all your free moments to writing about My
goodness and mercy. It is your office and your assignment throughout your life
to continue to make known to souls the great mercy I have for them and to
exhort them to trust in My bottomless mercy.
1568 O my Jesus, I believe in Your words and no longer have any doubt about
this because in the course of one conversation with Mother Superior [Irene], she
told me to write more about Your mercy. That statement was very much in
accord with Your request. O my Jesus, I now understand that if You demand
something from a soul, You also inspire the superiors to allow us to fulfill Your
demands, even though it sometimes happens that we do not receive permission
at once, and our patience is often put to the test...
1569 + O Everlasting Love, Jesus, who have enclosed Yourself in the Host, And therein hide Your divinity and conceal Your beauty, You do this in order to give Yourself, whole and entire, to my soul And in order not to terrify it with Your greatness. O Everlasting Love, Jesus, who have shrouded Yourself with bread, Eternal Light, incomprehensible Fountain of joy and happiness, Because You want to be heaven on earth to me, That indeed You are, when Your love, O God, imparts itself to me.
1570 O Greatly Merciful God, Infinite Goodness, today all mankind calls out
from the abyss of its misery to Your mercy-to Your compassion, O God; and it
is with its mighty voice of misery that it cries out. Gracious God, do not reject
the prayer of this earth's exiles! O Lord, Goodness beyond our understanding,
Who are acquainted with our misery through and through, and know that by our
own power we cannot ascend to You, we implore You: anticipate us with Your
grace and keep on increasing Your mercy in us, that we may faithfully do Your
holy will all through our life and at death's hour. Let the omnipotence of Your
mercy shield us from the darts of our salvation's enemies, that we may with
confidence, as Your children, await Your final coming-that day known to You
alone. And we expect to obtain everything promised us by Jesus in spite of all
our wretchedness. For Jesus is our Hope: Through His merciful Heart, as
through an open gate, we pass through to heaven.
1571 I have noticed that, from the very moment I entered the convent, I have
been charged with one thing; namely, that I am a saint. But this word was
always used scoffingly. At first, this hurt me very much, but when I had risen
above it, I paid no attention to it. However, when on one occasion a certain
person [perhaps Father Sopocko] suffered because of my sanctity, I was very
pained that, because of me, others can experience some unpleasantness. And I
began to complain to the Lord Jesus, asking why this should be so, and the
Lord answered me, Are you sad because of this? Of course you are a saint.
Soon I Myself will make this manifest in you, and they will pronounce the same
word, saint, only this time it will be with love.
1572 I remind you, My daughter, that as often as you hear the clock strike the
third hour, immerse yourself completely in My mercy, adoring and glorifying it;
invoke its omnipotence for the whole world, and particularly for poor sinners;
for at that moment mercy was opened wide for every soul. In this hour you can
obtain everything for yourself and for others for the asking; it was the hour of
grace for the whole world-mercy triumphed over justice. My daughter, try your best to make the Stations of the Cross in this hour,
provided that your duties permit it; and if you are not able to make the Stations
of the Cross, then at least step into the chapel for a moment and adore, in the
Blessed Sacrament, My Heart, which is full of mercy; and should you be unable
to step into the chapel, immerse yourself in prayer there where you happen to
be, if only for a very brief instant. I claim veneration for My mercy from every
creature, but above all from you, since it is to you that I have given the most
profound understanding of this mystery.
1573 + O my God, I am overcome with great longing for You today. Oh,
nothing else any longer occupies my heart. The earth no longer contains anything
for me. O Jesus, how strongly I feel this exile, how very prolonged it is for me!
O death, messenger of God, when will you announce to me that longed-for
moment, through which I will be united to my God forever?
1574 O my Jesus, may the last days of my exile be spent totally according to
Your most holy will. I unite my sufferings, my bitterness and my last agony itself
to Your Sacred Passion; and I offer myself for the whole world to implore an
abundance of God's mercy for souls, and in particular for the souls who are in
our homes. I firmly trust and commit myself entirely to Your holy will, which is
mercy itself. Your mercy will be everything for me at the last hour, as You
yourself have promised me...
1575 + Hail to You, Eternal Love, my Sweet Jesus, who have condescended to
dwell in my heart! I salute You, O glorious Godhead who have deigned to stoop
to me, and out of love for me have so emptied Yourself as to assume the
insignificant form of bread. I salute You, Jesus, never-fading flower of humanity.
You are all there is for my soul. Your love is purer than a lily, and Your
presence is more pleasing to me than the fragrance of a hyacinth. Your
friendship is more tender and subtle than the scent of a rose, and yet it is
stronger than death. O Jesus, incomprehensible beauty, it is with pure souls that
You communicate best, because they alone are capable of heroism and
sacrifice. O sweet, rose-red blood of Jesus, ennoble my blood and change it
into Your own blood, and let this be done to me according to Your good
pleasure.
1576 Know, My daughter, that between Me and you there is a bottomless
abyss, an abyss which separates the Creator from the creature. But this abyss is
filled with My mercy. I raise you up to Myself, not that I have need of you, but it
is solely out of mercy that I grant you the grace of union with Myself.
1577 Tell souls not to place within their own hearts obstacles to My mercy,
which so greatly wants to act within them. My mercy works in all those hearts
which open their doors to it. Both the sinner and the righteous person have need
of My mercy. Conversion, as well as perseverance, is a grace of My mercy.
1578 Let souls who are striving for perfection particularly adore My mercy,
because the abundance of graces which I grant them flows from My mercy. I
desire that these souls distinguish themselves by boundless trust in My mercy. I
myself will attend to the sanctification of such souls. I will provide them with
everything they will need to attain sanctity. The graces of My mercy are drawn
by means of one vessel only, and that is-trust. The more a soul trusts, the more it
will receive. Souls that trust boundlessly are a great comfort to Me, because I
pour all the treasures of My graces into them. I rejoice that they ask for much,
because it is My desire to give much, very much. On the other hand, I am sad
when souls ask for little, when they narrow their hearts.
1579 + It is when I meet with hypocrisy that I suffer most. Now I understand
You, my Savior, for rebuking the pharisees so severly for their hypocrisy. You
associated more graciously with hardened sinners when they approached You
contritely.
1580 My Jesus, I now see that I have gone through all the stages of my life
following You: childhood, youth, vocation, apostolic work, Tabor, Gethsemane,
and now I am already with You on Calvary. I have willingly allowed myself to
be crucified, and I am indeed already crucified; although I can still walk a little, I
am stretched out on the cross, and I feel distinctly that strength is flowing to me
from Your Cross, that You and You alone are my perseverance. Although I
often hear the voice of temptation calling to me, "Come down from the cross!"
the power of God strengthens me. Although loneliness and darkness and
sufferings of all kinds beat against my heart, the mysterious power of God
supports and strengthens me. I want to drink the cup to the last drop. I trust
firmly that Your grace, which has sustained me in the Garden of Olives, will
sustain me also now that I am on Calvary.
1581 O my Jesus, my Master, I unite my desires to the desires that You had on
the cross: I desire to fulfill Your holy will; I desire the conversion of souls; I
desire that Your mercy be adored; I desire that the triumph of the Church be
hastened; I desire the Feast of Mercy to be celebrated all over the world; I
desire sanctity for priests; I desire that there be a saint in our Congregation; I
desire that our whole Congregation have a great spirit of zeal for the glory of
God and for the salvation of souls; I desire that souls who live in our homes do
not offend God, but persevere in good; I desire that the blessing of God
descend upon my parents and my whole family; I desire that God give special
light to my spiritual directors, and in particular to Father An. and Father So.; I
desire a special blessing for Superiors 234 under whose direction I have been,
and in particular for Mother , General [Michael], for Mother Irene and for the
Directress of Novices, Mother [Mary] Joseph.
1582 O my Jesus, I now embrace the whole world and ask You for mercy for
it. When You tell me, O God, that it is enough, that Your holy will has been
completely accomplished, then, my Savior, in union with You, I will commit my
soul into the hands of the Heavenly Father, full of trust in Your unfathomable
mercy. And when I stand at the foot of Your throne, the first hymn that I will
sing will be one to Your mercy. Poor earth, I will not forget you. Although I feel
that I will be immediately drowned in God as in an ocean of happiness, that will
not be an obstacle to my returning to earth to encourage souls and incite them to
trust in God's mercy. Indeed, this immersion in God will give me the possibility
of boundless action.
1583 As I write this, I hear Satan grinding his teeth. He cannot stand God's
mercy, and keeps banging things in my cell. But I feel so much of God's power
within me that it does not even bother me that the enemy of our salvation gets
angry, and I quietly keep on writing.
1584 O inconceivable goodness of God, which shields us at every step, may
Your mercy be praised without cease. That You became a brother to humans,
not to angels, is a miracle of the unfathomable mystery of Your mercy. All our
trust is in You, our first-born Brother, Jesus Christ, true God and true Man. My
heart flutters with joy to see how good God is to us wretched and ungrateful
people. And as a proof of His love, He gives us the incomprehensible gift of
Himself in the person of His Son. Throughout all eternity we shall never exhaust
that mystery of love. O mankind, why do you think so little about God being
truly among us? O Lamb of God, I do not know what to admire in You first:
Your gentleness, Your hidden life, the emptying of Yourself for the sake of man,
or the constant miracle of Your mercy, which transforms souls and raises them
up to eternal life. Although You are hidden in this way, Your omnipotence is
more manifest here than in the creation of man. Though the omnipotence of
Your mercy is at work in the justification of the sinner, yet Your action is gentle
and hidden.
1585 A vision of the Mother of God. In the midst of a great brilliance, I saw the
Mother of God clothed in a white gown, girt about with a golden cincture; and
there were tiny stars, also of gold, over the whole garment, and chevron-shaped
sleeves lined with gold. Her cloak was sky-blue, lightly thrown over the
shoulders. A transparent veil was delicately drawn over her head, while her
flowing hair was set off beautifully by a golden crown which terminated in little
crosses. On Her left arm She held the Child Jesus. A Blessed Mother of this
type I had not yet seen. Then She looked at me kindly and said: I am the
Mother of God of Priests. 235 At that, She lowered Jesus from Her arm to the
ground, raised Her right hand heavenward and said: O God, bless Poland, bless
priests. Then She addressed me once again: Tell the priests what you have seen.
I resolved that at the first opportunity [I would have] of seeing Father [Andrasz]
I would tell; but I myself can make nothing of this vision.
1586 O my Jesus, You see how very grateful I am to Father Sopocko, who has
advanced Your work so much. That soul, so humble, has had to endure all the
storms. He has not allowed himself to become discouraged by adversities, but
has faithfully responded to the call of God.
1587 + One of the sisters was appointed to look after the sick, but she was so
negligent that one had to practice real mortification. One day, I made up my
mind to tell the superior about it, but then I heard a voice in my soul: Bear it
patiently; someone else will tell her. But the service was like that for a whole
month. When I was finally able to come down to the refectory and to recreation,
I heard these words in my soul: Now other sisters are going to tell about that
sister's negligent service, but you are to keep silent and not speak about the
matter. And at that point there broke out sharp criticism of the sister, but she
could find nothing [to say] in her own defense, and all the sisters said in chorus,
"Sister, you had better improve in your care of the sick." I have found that
sometimes the Lord does not want us to say something on our own; He has His
ways and knows when to speak out.
1588 Today I heard the words: In the Old Covenant I sent prophets wielding
thunderbolts to My people. Today I am sending you with My mercy to the
people of the whole world. I do not want to punish aching mankind, but I desire
to heal it, pressing it to My Merciful Heart. I use punishment when they
themselves force Me to do so; My hand is reluctant to take hold of the sword of
justice. Before the Day of Justice I am sending the Day of Mercy. I replied, "O
my Jesus, speak to souls Yourself, because my words are insignificant." + J.M.J. The Soul's Expectation of the Coming of the Lord.
1589 I do not know, O Lord, at what hour You will come. And so I keep constant watch and listen As Your chosen bride, Knowing that You like to come unexpected. Yet, a pure heart will sense You from afar, O Lord. I wait for You, Lord, in calm and silence, With great longing in my heart And with invincible desire. I feel that my love for You is changing into fire, And that it will rise up to heaven like a flame at life's end, And then all my wishes will be fulfilled. Come then, at last, my most sweet Lord And take my thirsting heart There, to Your home in the lofty regions of heaven, Where Your eternal life perdures. Life on this earth is but an agony, As my heart feels it is created for the heights. For it the lowlands of this life hold no interest, For my homeland is in heaven-this I firmly believe. [End of Notebook Five] Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 6
1590 + J.M.J. Praise, O my soul, the incomprehensible mercy of God. May all be for His glory. Cracow, February 10, 1938. Sixth Notebook. Sister Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament of the Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy.
1591 My heart is drawn there where my God is hidden, Where He dwells with us day and night, Clothed in the White Host; He governs the whole world, He communes with souls. My heart is drawn there where my God is hiding, Where His love is immolated. But my heart senses that the living water is here; It is my living God, though a veil hides Him.
1592 February 10, 1938. During meditation, the Lord gave me knowledge of
the joy of heaven and of the saints on our arrival there; they love God as the sole
object of their love, but they also have a tender and heartfelt love for us. It is
from the face of God that this joy flows out upon all, because we see Him face
to face. His face is so sweet that the soul falls anew into ecstasy.
1593 The Lord Himself moves me to write prayers and hymns about His mercy,
and these hymns of praise force themselves upon my lips. I have noticed that
ready formulated words of praise of God's mercy enter my mind, and so I have
resolved to write them down in so far as is within my power. I can feel God
urging me to do so.
1594 One of the sisters came into my cell for a little while. After a short
conversation on the subject of obedience, she said to me, "Oh, now I
understand how the saints acted. Thank you, Sister; a great light has entered my
soul; I have profited much."
1595 O my Jesus, this is Your work. It is You who have spoken thus to that
soul, because this sister came in when I was completely immersed in God, and it
was just at that moment when this deep recollection left me. O my Jesus, I know
that, in order to be useful to souls, one has to strive for the closest possible
union with You, who are Eternal Love. One word from a soul united to God
effects more good in souls than eloquent discussions and sermons from an
imperfect soul.
1596 + I saw Father A. [Andrasz's] surprise at my actions, but all that is for the
glory of God. Oh, how great is Your grace, O Lord, grace which lifts the soul
up to greater heights. I am very grateful to the Lord for having given me an
enlightened priest. You could have continued to leave me in uncertainties and
hesitations, but Your goodness remedied that. O my Jesus, it is impossible for
me to count Your favors...
1597 My daughter, your struggle will last until death. Your last breath will mark
its end. You shall conquer by meekness.
1598 February 13, 1938. I saw how unwillingly the Lord Jesus came to certain
souls in Holy Communion. And He spoke these words to me: I enter into certain
hearts as into a second Passion.
1599 As I was trying to make my Holy Hour, I saw the suffering Jesus, who
spoke these words to me: My daughter, do not pay so much attention to the
vessel of grace as to the grace itself which I give you, because you are not
always pleased with the vessel, and then the graces, too, become deficient. I
want to guard you from that, and I want you never to pay attention to the vessel
in which I send you My grace. Let all the attention of your soul be concentrated
on responding to My grace as faithfully as possible.
1600 + O my Jesus, if You yourself do not soothe the longing - of my soul, then
no one can either comfort or soothe it. Your every approach arouses new
raptures of love in my soul, but also a new agony; because, despite all Your
approaches to my soul, even the most exceptional, I am still loving You from a
distance, and my heart dies in an ecstasy of love; because this is still not the
complete and eternal union, although You commune with me so very often
unveiled [as if face to face]; nevertheless, You thereby open in my soul and
heart an abyss of love and desire for You, my God, and this bottomless abyss,
this total desiring of God, cannot be completely filled on this earth.
1601 The Lord has given me to know how much He desires the perfection of
chosen souls. Chosen souls are, in My hand, lights which I cast into the darkness of the world
and with which I illumine it. As stars illumine the night, so chosen souls illumine
the earth. And the more perfect a soul is, the stronger and the more far-reaching
is the light shed by it. It can be hidden and unknown, even to those closest to it,
and yet its holiness is reflected in souls even to the most distant extremities of the
world.
1602 Today the Lord said to me, Daughter, when you go to confession, to this
fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart
always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to
confession, immerse yourself entirely in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may
pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the
confessional, know this, that I Myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden
by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the
God of mercy. Tell souls that from this fount of mercy souls draw graces solely
with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity.
The torrents of grace inundate humble souls. The proud remain always in
poverty and misery, because My grace turns away from them to humble souls.
1603 February 14, [1938]. During adoration, I heard these words: Pray for one
of the students who has great need of My grace. And I recognized N. I prayed
hard, and God's mercy embraced that soul.
1604 When, during adoration, I repeated the prayer, "Holy God" several times,
a vivid presence of God suddenly swept over me, and I was caught up in spirit
before the majesty of God. I saw how the Angels and the Saints of the Lord
give glory to God. The glory of God is so great that I dare not try to describe it,
because I would not be able to do so, and souls might think that what I have
written is all there is. Saint Paul, I understand now why you did not want to
describe heaven, but only said that eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has it
entered into the heart of man what God has prepared for those who love Him
[cf. 1 Cor. 2:9; 2 Cor. 12:1-7]. Yes, that is indeed so. And all that has come
forth from God returns to Him in the same way and gives Him perfect glory.
Now I have seen the way in which I adore God; oh, how miserable it is! And
what a tiny drop it is in comparison to that perfect heavenly glory. O my God,
how good You are to accept my praise as well, and to turn Your Face to me
with kindness and let us know that our prayer is pleasing to You.
1605 Write down everything that occurs to you regarding My goodness. I
answered, "What do You mean, Lord, what if I write too much?" And the Lord
replied, My daughter, even if you were to speak at one and the same time in all
human and angelic tongues, even then you would not have said very much, but
on the contrary, you would have sung in only a small measure the praises of My
goodness-of My unfathomable mercy. O my Jesus, You Yourself must put words into my mouth, that I may praise
You worthily. My daughter, be at peace; do as I tell you. Your thoughts are united to My
thoughts, so write whatever comes to your mind. You are the secretary of My
mercy. I have chosen you for that office in this life and the next life. That is how I
want it to be in spite all the opposition they will give you. Know that My choice
will not change. At that moment I steeped myself in profound humility before God's majesty. But
the more I humbled myself, the more God's presence penetrated me...
1606 O Jesus, my only solace! How frightful is this exile! How terrible this
wilderness I have to cross! My soul is struggling through a terrible thicket of all
kinds of difficulties. If You Yourself did not support me, Lord, there would be
no thought of my moving forward.
1607 16 [February] 1938. As I was praying to the living Heart of Jesus in the
Blessed Sacrament for the intention of a certain priest, Jesus suddenly gave me
knowledge of His goodness and said to me, I will give him nothing that is
beyond his strength.
1608 + When I learned of some of the sufferings and troubles that a certain
person 236 was going through in connection with this whole work of God, I
asked the Lord Jesus before Holy Communion that He might make known to
me whether by any chance these sufferings were not caused by me: "My
sweetest Jesus, I implore You by Your infinite goodness and mercy, make
known to me whether anything in this matter displeases You or whether there is
some fault of mine in this. If there is, I ask You, when You enter my heart, fill it
with unrest and make known to me Your displeasure. And if I am not guilty in
this matter, confirm me in peace." When I received the Lord, my soul was filled
with great peace, and the Lord gave me to know that the work was undergoing
a trial, but was no less pleasing to God because of this. I felt great joy at this but
I redoubled my prayers so that this work might come through the ordeal
unharmed.
1609 O my Jesus, how good it is to be on the cross, but with You! With You,
my Love, my soul is constantly stretched out on the cross and is being filled with
bitterness. Vinegar and gall touch my lips, but it is good that it is so, because
Your Divine Heart was filled with bitterness throughout Your life, and in return
for Your love You received ingratitude. You were in such pain that a sorrowful
complaint escaped Your lips when You said that You were looking for someone
to console You and You found none [cf. Ps. 68:21].
1610 + When I asked the Lord to be so good as to cast a glance upon a certain
soul [probably Father Sopocko] who was struggling alone against many
difficulties, the Lord gave me to know, in an instant, that all people are as dust
under His feet. So do not worry; you see that they cannot do a thing of
themselves. And if I allow them to seem to triumph, I do this for the sake of My
impenetrable decrees. I experienced great peace in seeing how all things are
determined by the Lord.
1611 + When the chaplain [Father Theodore] brings me the Lord Jesus, there
are moments when I am pervaded with a very vivid presence of God, and the
Lord gives me to know His holiness. At such times, I see the smallest speck on
my soul, and I would like to purify my soul before every Holy Communion.
When I asked the confessor, he said there was no need to confess before every
Holy Communion. Holy Communion takes away these tiny things and it is a
temptation to think about confession when receiving Holy Communion. I did not
go on to explain the condition of my soul in any greater detail, because he was
not my director, but the confessor.237 This knowledge does not take up my
time, because it is faster than lightning; it enkindles my love, leaving me with a
knowledge of myself...
1612 + February 20, [1938]. Today the Lord said to me, I have need of your
sufferings to rescue souls. O my Jesus, do with me as You please. I did not have the courage to ask the
Lord Jesus for greater sufferings, because I had suffered so much the night
before that I would not have been able to bear a drop more than what Jesus
Himself gave me.
1613 Almost all night I had such violent pains that it seemed all my intestines
were torn to pieces. I threw up the medicine I had taken. When I bowed my
head down to the ground, I lost consciousness, and I stayed like that for some
time, with my head on the floor. When I came to, I became aware that my
whole body was pressing on my head and face, and that I was covered with
vomit. I thought it would be the end of me. Dear Mother Superior [Irene] and
Sister Tarcisia 238 were trying to help me as best they could. Jesus demanded
suffering, but not death. O my Jesus, do with me as You please. Only give me
strength to suffer. Since Your strength supports me, I shall bear everything. O
souls, how I love you!
1614 Today, one of the sisters [probably Sister Amelia 239 ] came to see me
and said, "Sister, I have a strange feeling, as though something were telling me to
come to you and commend to you certain problems of mine before you die, and
that perhaps you will be able to beseech the Lord Jesus and arrange these things
for me. Something keeps telling me that you will be able to obtain this for me." I
answered her with equal frankness that, yes, I felt in my soul that after my death
I would be able to obtain more from the Lord Jesus than at the present time. "I
will remember you, Sister, before His throne."
1615 When I entered the neighboring dormitory to visit the sisters who were ill,
one of them said to me, "Sister, when you die I will not fear you at all. Come to
see me after you die, because I want to confide to you a secret concerning my
soul, something I want you to settle for me with the Lord Jesus. I know you can
obtain this from Him." Because she was speaking in public I answered her in this
way: "The Lord Jesus is very discreet. And so He never betrays to anyone a
secret that is between Him and a soul."
1616 + O my Lord, thank You for conforming me to Yourself through
immolation. I see that this earthly vessel is beginning to crumble. I rejoice in this,
because soon I will be in my Father's house [cf. Jn. 14:2].
1617 February 27, [1938]. Today, I went to confession to Father An.
[Andrasz] I did as Jesus wanted. After confession, a surge of light filled my soul.
Then I heard a voice: Because you are a child, you shall remain close to My
Heart. Your simplicity is more pleasing to Me than your mortifications.
1618 Father An. [Andrasz's] words: Live more by faith. Pray that the Divine
Mercy become more widely known, and that the work may come into good
hands that will manage it well. As for yourself, try to be a good religious
here-although things may turn out that way also-but try to be a good religious
right here. And now, if you feel those urgings from the Lord and recognize that it
is He, follow them. Devote to prayer all the time that is set apart for it, and make
your notations afterwards...
1619 + The last two days of carnival. 240 My physical sufferings have
intensified. I am uniting myself more closely with the suffering Savior, asking Him
for mercy for the whole world, which is running riot in its wickedness.
Throughout the day I felt the pain of the crown of thorns. When I lay down, I
could not rest my head on the pillow. But at ten o'clock the pains ceased, and I
fell asleep; but the next day I felt very exhausted.
1620 + Jesus-Host, if You Yourself did not sustain me, I would not be able to
persevere on the cross. I would not be able to endure so much suffering. But the
power of Your grace maintains me on a higher level and makes my sufferings
meritorious. You give me strength always to move forward and to gain heaven
by force and to have love in my heart for those from whom I suffer adversities
and contempt. With Your grace one can do all things.
1621 March 1, 1938. One-day Retreat. In meditation, I learned that I should hide myself as deeply as possible in the
Heart of Jesus, meditate upon His Sorrowful Passion, and penetrate into the
sentiments of His Divine Heart, which is full of mercy for sinners. In order to
obtain mercy for them, I will empty myself at every moment, living by the will of
God.
1622 Throughout this Lent, I am a host in Your hand, Jesus. Make use of me so
that You may enter into sinners Yourself. Demand anything You like; no
sacrifice will seem too much for me when souls are at stake.
1623 + I have offered this whole month's Masses and Holy Communions for the
intention of Father Andrasz, that God may give him an even deeper knowledge
of His love and mercy.
1624 This month I will practice the three virtues recommended to me by the
Mother of God: humility, purity and love of God, accepting with profound
submission to the will of God everything that He will send me.
1625 March 2, [1938]. I began Holy Lent in the way that Jesus wanted me to,
making myself totally dependent upon His holy will and accepting with love
everything that He sends me. I cannot practice any greater mortifications,
because I am so very weak. This long illness has sapped my strength
completely. I am uniting myself with Jesus through suffering. When I meditate on
His Painful Passion, my physical sufferings are lessened.
1626 The Lord said to me, I am taking you into My school for the whole of
Lent. I want to teach you how to suffer. I answered, "With You, Lord, I am
ready for everything." And I heard a voice, You are allowed to drink from the
cup from which I drink. I give you that exclusive privilege today...
1627 Today I felt the Passion of Jesus in my whole body, and the Lord gave me
knowledge of the conversion of certain souls.
1628 During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to
me, My pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to
those who hate you. I answered, "O my Master, You see very well that I feel no
love for them, and that troubles me." Jesus answered, It is not always within
your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if,
after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your
peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well. When
I returned [...] + J.M.J.
1629 I am a host in Your hand, O Jesus, my Creator and Lord, Silent, hidden, without beauty or charm, Because all the beauty of my soul is imprinted within me. I am a host in Your hand, O Divine Priest, Do with me as You please; I am totally dependent on Your will, O Lord Because it is the delight and adornment of my soul. I am like a white host in Your hand, O God, I implore You, transform me into Yourself. May I be wholly hidden in You, Locked in Your merciful Heart as in Heaven. I am like a host in Your hand, O Eternal Priest, May the wafer of my body hide me from human eye; May Your eye alone measure my love and devotion, Because my heart is always united with Your Divine Heart. I am like a sacrificial host in Your hand, O Divine Mediator, And I burn on the altar of holocaust, Crushed and ground by suffering like grains of wheat, And all this for the sake of Your glory, for the salvation of souls. I am a host abiding in the tabernacle of Your Heart. I go through life drowned in Your love, And I fear nothing in the world, For You Yourself are my shield, my strength, and my defense. I am a host, laid on the altar of Your Heart, To burn forever with the fire of love, For I know that You have lifted me up solely because of Your mercy, And so I turn all these gifts and graces to Your glory. I am a host in Your hand, O Judge and Savior. In the last hour of my life, May the omnipotence of Your grace lead me to my goal, May Your compassion on the vessel of mercy become famous.
1630 Jesus, fortify the powers of my soul that the enemy gain nothing. Without
You, I am weakness itself. What am I without Your grace if not an abyss of my
own misery? Misery is my possession.
1631 O Wound of Mercy, Heart of Jesus, hide me in Your depths as a drop of
Your own blood, and do not let me out forever! Lock me in Your depths, and
do You Yourself teach me to love You! Eternal Love, do You Yourself form
my soul that it be made capable of returning Your love. O living Love, enable
me to love You forever. I yearn to eternally reciprocate Your love. O Christ, a
single gaze from You is dearer to me than a thousand worlds, than all heaven
itself. Lord, You can make my soul capable of understanding completely who
You are. I know and I believe that You can do all things; if You have deigned to
give Yourself to me so generously, then I know that You can be even more
generous. Bring me into an intimacy with You so far as it is possible for human
nature to be brought... + J.M.J.
1632 The desires of my heart are so great and incomprehensible That nothing can fill the abyss of my heart. Even the most beautiful things, gathered from all over the world, Would not for a moment fill Your place for me, O God. With one glance, I penetrated the whole world, And I found no other love like the love of my heart. Therefore I looked into the world of eternity because this one is too small for me. My heart has desired the love of the Immortal One. My heart has sensed that I am a royal child, That I have found myself in exile, in a foreign land. I see that the heavenly palace is my home; Only there will I feel as in my own fatherland. You Yourself have drawn my soul to You, O Lord; O Eternal Word, You Yourself have stooped to me, Giving my soul a deeper knowledge of Yourself. Behold, the mystery of love for which You have created me! Pure love has made me strong and brave. I fear neither the seraphim nor the cherubim, standing with sword in hand, And I pass over with ease where others tremble, Because there is nothing to fear, there where love is the guide. And suddenly the eye of my soul came to rest upon You, O Lord Jesus Christ, stretched upon the Cross. Here is my Love, with whom I will rest in my grave, This is my Bridegroom, my incomprehensible Lord and God. [Here occurs a bigger space in the Diary.]
1633 March 10, [1938]. Continuous physical suffering. I am on the cross with
Jesus. On one occasion, M. Superior [Irene] said to me, "It is a lack of love of
neighbor on your part, Sister, that you eat something and then you suffer and
disturb the others during their night's rest." Yet I know for sure that these pains
which occur in my intestines are not at all caused by food. The doctor [probably
Dr. Silberg] has said the same thing. These sufferings come from the body itself,
or rather are a visitation of the Lord. Nevertheless, after that remark I resolved
to suffer in secret and not to ask for help, because it is of no avail anyway, since
I throw up the medicines that are given to me. Many a time, I have managed to suffer through attacks that were known only to
Jesus. The pains are so violent and severe that they cause me to lose
consciousness. When they cause me to faint, and I am drenched in cold sweat,
then they gradually begin to go away. Sometimes they last three hours or more.
O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done; I accept everything from Your hand.
If I accept the delights and raptures of love to the point of becoming oblivious to
what is going on around me, it is only right that I should accept with love these
sufferings which cause me to faint.
1634 When the doctor 241 came, I could not go down to the parlor to see him,
like the other sisters, but asked that he come to my cell, because I could not go
down due to a certain difficulty. After a while, he came to the cell and, having
examined me, said, "I'll tell everything to the Sister Infirmarian." When the Sister
Infirmarian came, after the doctor had left, I told her why I hadn't been able to
go down to the parlor, but she gave me to know how very displeased she was.
And when I asked, "Sister, what did the doctor say about these pains?" she
answered that he had said nothing, that it was nothing, that he had said the
patient was just sulking. And with that she went off. Then I said to God, "Christ,
give me strength and power to suffer; give to my heart a pure love for this
sister." After that, she did not look in on me again for a whole week. But the
sufferings returned with great violence and lasted almost the whole night, and it
seemed that it would be the end, then and there. The superiors decided to
approach another doctor, 242 and he ascertained that my condition was serious
and said to me, "It will not be possible to return you to good health. We can
remedy your condition partially, but complete recovery is out of question." He
prescribed a medicine for the pains, and after I had taken it, the major attacks
did not return. "But if you come here, Sister, we will try to patch up your health
somehow, if that is still possible." The doctor very much wanted me to go there
for a treatment. 243 O my Jesus, how strange are Your decrees!
1635 Jesus orders me to write all this for the consolation of other souls who will
often be exposed to similar sufferings.
1636 Although I was feeling very weak, I went to see the doctor [Silberg],
because that was the superior's will. The sister who was my companion was
very unhappy about this. She made this known to me several times and finally
said, "What are we going to do? I don't have enough money to pay for the cab."
I answered nothing. "And what if there is no cab? How are we going to get
there? It's such a long way." She said this and many other things just to worry
me, because our dear superiors had given us enough money for everything, and
we didn't run short. And understanding this whole business within myself, I
laughed and told sister that I was not worried one bit: "Let's trust in God." But I
saw that my deep peace was getting on her nerves, and so I started to pray for
her intention.
1637 O my Lord, all this is for You and to obtain mercy for poor sinners. When
I returned, I was so very tired that I had to lie down right away. But it was the
day for the quarterly confession. I tried to go to confession, not only because I
had need to do so, but also to ask advice of my spiritual director [Father
Andrasz]. I began to prepare myself; however I felt so weak that I decided to
go ask Mother Superior [Irene] to allow me to go before the novices. Mother
Superior answered, "Go and look for the Directress of Novices [Sister Callista].
If she allows you to go before the novices, it is all right with me." However,
there were only three sisters ahead of me, waiting for confession, and so I
waited because I did not have enough strength to go and look for the Directress
of Novices. When I went in to make my confession I was feeling so bad that I
could not give an account of the condition of my soul; I barely managed to make
my confession. At that point, I noted how much the spirit is needed; the letter
itself does not make love grow [cf. 2 Cor. 3:6].
1638 On that day, there arose some misunderstandings between the Superior
and myself. Neither she nor I was to blame, but moral suffering remained,
because I could not explain the matter in question, since it was a secret. This
was the reason why I suffered, even though, by a single word, I could have
revealed the truth.
1639 The 20th [of March]. Today, in spirit, I accompanied a certain dying soul.
I obtained trust in God's mercy for her. The soul was near despair.
1640 This night is known only to You, O Lord. I have offered it for poor
obdurate sinners, to obtain Your mercy for them. Scourge me here, burn me
here, as long as You give me the souls of sinners, and especially.... O Jesus,
with You nothing is lost; take everything and give me souls... sinners.
1641 At adoration during the Forty-Hours' Devotion, the Lord said to me, My
daughter, write that involuntary offenses of souls do not hinder My love for them
or prevent Me from uniting Myself with them. But voluntary offenses, even the
smallest, obstruct My graces, and I cannot lavish My gifts on such souls.
1642 + Jesus gave me to know of how everything is dependent on His will, thus
giving me profound peace as regards the security of His work.
1643 Listen, My daughter, although all the works that come into being by My
will are exposed to great sufferings, consider whether any of them has been
subject to greater difficulties than that work which is directly Mine-the work of
Redemption. You should not worry too much about adversities. The world is
not as powerful as it seems to be; its strength is strictly limited. Know, My
daughter, that if your soul is filled with the fire of My pure love, then all
difficulties dissipate like fog before the sun's rays and dare not touch the soul. All
adversaries are afraid to start a quarrel with such a soul, because they sense that
it is stronger than the whole world...
1644 My daughter, do as much for this work of mercy as obedience allows, but
present clearly to your confessor the very least of My demands, and he will
decide. You must not shirk in any way, but carry out everything faithfully;
otherwise, I would find no pleasure in you...
1645 March 25, 1938. Today, I saw the suffering Lord Jesus. He leaned down
toward me and whispered softly, My daughter, help Me to save sinners.
Suddenly, a burning desire to save souls entered my soul. When I recovered my
senses, I knew just how I was to help souls, and I prepared myself for greater
sufferings.
1646 + Today [probably Friday, March 25, 1938] my suffering increased; in
addition, I felt wounds in my hands, feet and side. I endured this with patience. I
sensed the hostility of the enemy of souls, but he did not touch me.
1647 April 1, [1938]. Once again, I am feeling worse today. A high fever is
beginning to consume me, and I cannot take any food. I would like to have
something refreshing to drink, but there is not even any water in my pitcher. All
this, O Jesus, to obtain mercy for souls. Just as I was renewing my intention with greater love, one of the novices came in
and gave me a big orange which had been sent by the Directress of Novices
[Sister Callista]. I saw the Lord's hand in this. The same thing happened again,
several times. During this time, although my needs were known, I never received
anything refreshing to eat, even though I had asked for it. However, I knew that
God was demanding suffering and sacrifices. I am not writing in detail about
these refusals, because these are delicate matters, and it is difficult to believe.
Yet God can demand even such sacrifices.
1648 I was about to ask Mother Superior [Irene] to allow me to have
something in my cell with which to quench my great thirst, but before I managed
to ask, Mother herself began to speak, "Sister, let's make an end of this illness
once and for all, one way or another. You'll have to undergo regular treatment
or something. Things can't go on like this any longer." A little later when I was
alone I said, "Christ, what am I to do? Am I to ask You for health or for death?"
I had no clear command, so I knelt down and said, "May Your holy will be
done in my , regard. Do with me, Jesus, as You please." At that very moment, I
felt as though I were all alone, and various temptations attacked me. But I found
peace and light in earnest prayer, and I understood that the superior only wished
to test me.
1649 I don't know how this happens, but the room in which I have been lying
has been very much neglected. Sometimes, it has not been cleaned for more
than two weeks. Often, no one would light a fire in the stove, and so my cough
would get worse. Sometimes I would ask to have a fire lit, and at other times I
did not have the courage to ask. On one occasion, when Mother Superior
[Irene] came to see me and asked me if perhaps it was necessary to heat the
room more, I said, No, because it was already getting warmer outside, and we
had the window open.
1650 First Friday. When I took the Messenger of the Sacred Heart into my
hand and read the account of the canonization of Saint Andrew Bobola, my soul
was instantly filled with a great longing that our Congregation, too, might have a
saint, and I wept like a child that there was no saint in our midst. And I said to
the Lord, "I know Your generosity, and yet it seems to me that You are less
generous toward us." And I began again to weep like a little child. And the Lord
Jesus said to me, Don't cry. You are that saint. Then the light of God inundated
my soul, and I was given to know how much I was to suffer, and I said to the
Lord, "How will that come about? You have been speaking to me about another
Congregation." And the Lord answered, It is not for you to know how this will
come about. Your duty is to be faithful to My grace and to do always what is
within your power and what obedience allows you to do... Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 6
1651 + Today one of the sisters came into my room and said that
such-and-such a sister was very fussy over her own illness, and that she found
this very annoying and would gladly give her a piece of her mind were it not for
the fact that she was not a member of this convent. I answered that I was
surprised that she should even think in such a way: "Sister, just think of how
many sleepless nights this sick sister has been through and of how many tears..."
The sister then came to think differently. + J.M.J.
1652 Adore, my soul, the mercy of the Lord, O my heart, rejoice wholly in Him, Because for this you have been chosen by Him, To spread the glory of His mercy. His goodness no one has fathomed, no one can measure, His compassion is untold. Every soul that approaches Him experiences this. He will shield her and clasp her to His merciful bosom. Happy the soul that has trusted in Your goodness And has abandoned herself completely to Your mercy. Her soul is filled with the peace of love. You defend her everywhere as Your own child. O soul, whoever you may be in this world, Even if your sins were as black as night, Do not fear God, weak child that you are, For great is the power of God's mercy. + J.M.J.
1653 The light above, where my God reigns, This it is that my soul yearns for, T his it is for which my heart longs, And my whole being bounds towards You. I hasten on to the other world, to God alone, Into the incomprehensible light, the very fire of love, For my soul and my heart are created for Him, And my heart has loved Him from my tender youth. There, in the resplendent light of Your countenance My languishing love will rest. For Your virgin agonizes for You in her exile, For she lives only when united with You. + J. M. J. My day is drawing to a close, Even now I glimpse the refulgence of Your light, O my God. No one shall learn of what my heart is feeling; My lips shall fall silent in great humility. Even now, I draw nigh to the eternal nuptials, To heaven unending, to spaces without limit. I long for no repose or reward; The pure love of God draws me to heaven. Even now, I go to meet You, eternal Love With a heart languishing in its desire for You. I feel that Your pure love, Lord, dwells in my heart, And I sense my eternal destiny in heaven. Even now, I go to my Father, in heaven eternal, From the land of exile, from this vale of tears, The earth can no longer hold back my pure heart, And the heights of heaven have drawn me close. I go, O my Bridegroom, I go to see Your glory, Which even now fills my soul with joy There where all heaven is plunged in Your adoration, I feel that my worship is pleasing to You, nothingness though I am. In eternal happiness, I will not forget those on earth, I will obtain God's mercy for all, And I will remember especially those who were dear to my heart, And the deepest absorption in God will not allow me to forget them. In these last moments I know not how to converse with others. In silence I await only You, O Lord. I know the time will come when all will understand the work of God in my soul. I know that such is Your will.-So be it. + J. M. J.
1654 O truth, O thorny life, In order to pass through you victoriously It is necessary to lean on You, O Christ, And to be always close to You. I would not know how to suffer without You, O Christ. Of myself I would not be able to brave adversities. Alone, I would not have the courage to drink from Your cup; But You, Lord, are always with me, and You lead me along mysterious paths. A weak child, I have begun the battle in Your Name. I have fought bravely, though often without success, And I know that my efforts have pleased You, And I know that it is the effort alone which You eternally reward. O truth, O life-and-death struggle, When I rose to do battle, an inexperienced knight, I felt I had a knight's blood, though still a child, And therefore, O Christ, I needed Your help and protection. My heart will not rest from its efforts and struggle Until You Yourself call me from the field of battle. I will stand before You, not to receive a reward, But to be drowned in You, in peace forever.
1655 + O Christ, if my soul had known, all at once, what it was going to have to
suffer during its lifetime, it would have died of terror at the very sight; it would
not have touched its lips to the cup of bitterness. But as it has been given to
drink a drop at a time, it has emptied the cup to the very bottom. O Christ, if
You Yourself did not support the soul, how much could it do of itself? We are
strong, but with Your strength; we are holy, but with Your holiness. And of
ourselves, what are we?-less than nothing... + My Jesus, You suffice me for everything else in the world. Although the
sufferings are severe, You sustain me. Although the times of loneliness are
terrible, You make them sweet for me. Although the weakness is great, You
change it into power for me.
1656 I do not know how to describe all that I suffer, and what I have written
thus far is merely a drop. There are moments of suffering about which I really
cannot write. But there are also moments in my life when my lips are silent, and
there are no words for my defense, and I submit myself completely to the will of
God; then the Lord Himself defends me and makes claims on my behalf, and
His demands are such that they can be noticed exteriorly. Nevertheless, when I
perceive His major interventions, which manifest themselves by way of
punishment, then I beg Him earnestly for mercy and forgiveness. Yet I am not
always heard. The Lord acts toward me in a mysterious manner. There are
times when He Himself allows terrible sufferings, and then again there are times
when He does not let me suffer and removes everything that might afflict my
soul. These are His ways, unfathomable and incomprehensible to us. It is for us
to submit ourselves completely to His holy will. There are mysteries that the
human mind will never fathom here on earth; eternity will reveal them.
1657 April 10, 1938. Palm Sunday. I attended Holy Mass, but did not have the
strength to go and get the palm. 244 I felt so weak that I barely made it till the
end of Mass. During Mass, Jesus gave me to know the pain of His soul, and I
could clearly feel how the hymns of Hosanna reverberated as a painful echo in
His Sacred Heart. My soul, too, was inundated by a sea of bitterness, and each
Hosanna pierced my own heart to its depths. My whole soul was drawn close
to Jesus. I heard Jesus' voice: My daughter, your compassion for Me refreshes
Me. By meditating on My Passion, your soul acquires a distinct beauty.
1658 I received Holy Communion upstairs, for there was no question of my
going down to the chapel since I was exhausted because of intense sweating,
and when that passed, I had a fever and chills. I felt completely worn out.
Today, one of the Jesuit Fathers [Father Zukowicz 245] brought us Holy
Communion. He gave the Lord to three other sisters and then to me; and
thinking I was the last, he gave me two Hosts. But one of the novices was lying
in bed in the next cell, and there was no Host left for her. The priest went back
again and brought her the Lord, but Jesus told me, I enter that heart unwillingly.
You received those two Hosts, because I delayed My coming into this soul who
resists My grace. My visit to such a soul is not pleasant for Me. At that point,
my soul was drawn close to Him, and I received a deep inner light which gave
me to understand, in spirit, all the workings of mercy. It was like a flash of
lightning, but more distinct than if I had watched it for hours with the eyes of my
body.
1659 Still, in order to write anything at all, I must make use of words, though
they cannot render all of what my soul enjoyed on seeing the glory of God's
mercy. The glory of the Divine Mercy is resounding, even now, in spite of the
efforts of its enemies and of Satan himself, who has a great hatred for God's
mercy. This work will snatch a great number of souls from him, and that is why
the spirit of darkness sometimes tempts good people violently, so that they may
hinder the work. But I have clearly seen that the will of God is already being
carried out, and that it will be accomplished to the very last detail. The enemy's
greatest efforts will not thwart the smallest detail of what the Lord has decreed.
No matter if there are times when the work seems to be completely destroyed;
it is then that the work is being all the more consolidated.
1660 My soul was filled with a peace much deeper than anything I had
experienced before, a divine reassurance which nothing can efface, a deep
peace which nothing can disturb, even though I were to go through the severest
of ordeals. I am at peace; God Himself governs all things.
1661 I spent the whole day in thanksgiving, and gratitude kept flooding my soul.
O my God, how good You are, how great is Your mercy! You visit me with so
many graces, me who am a most wretched speck of dust. Prostrating myself at
Your feet, O Lord, I confess with a sincere heart that I have done nothing to
deserve even the least of Your graces. It is in Your infinite goodness that You
give Yourself to me so generously. Therefore, the greater the graces which my
heart receives, the deeper it plunges itself in humility.
1662 + O Christ, suffering for You is the delight of my heart and my soul.
Prolong my sufferings to infinity, that I may give You a proof of my love. I
accept everything that Your hand will hold out to me. Your love, Jesus, is
enough for me. I will glorify You in abandonment and darkness, in agony and
fear, in pain and bitterness, in anguish of spirit and grief of heart. In all things may
You be blessed. My heart is so detached from the earth, that You Yourself are
enough for me. There is no longer any moment in my life for self concern.
1663 Holy Thursday [April 14, 1938]. Today I felt strong enough to take part
in the ceremonies of the Church. During Holy Mass, Jesus stood before me and
said, Look into My Heart and see there the love and mercy which I have for
humankind, and especially for sinners. Look, and enter into My Passion. In an
instant, I experienced and lived through the whole Passion of Jesus in my own
heart. I was surprised that these tortures did not deprive me of my life.
1664 During adoration, Jesus said to me, My daughter, know that your ardent
love and the compassion you have for Me were a consolation to Me in the
Garden [of Olives].
1665 During Holy Hour in the evening, I heard the words, You see My mercy
for sinners, which at this moment is revealing itself in all its power. See how little
you have written about it; it is only a single drop. Do what is in your power, so
that sinners may come to know My goodness.
1666 Good Friday [April 15, 1938]. I saw the Lord Jesus, tortured, but not
nailed to the Cross. It was still before the crucifixion, and He said to me, You
are My Heart. Speak to sinners about My mercy. And the Lord gave me
interior knowledge of the whole abyss of His mercy for souls, and I learned that
that which I had written is truly a drop.
1667 Holy Saturday [April 16, 1938]. During adoration, the Lord said to me,
Be at peace, My daughter. This Work of mercy is Mine; there is nothing of you
in it. It pleases Me that you are carrying out faithfully what I have commanded
you to do, not adding or taking away a single word. And He gave me an interior
light by which I learned that not a single word was mine; despite difficulties and
adversities, I have always, always, fulfilled His will, as He has made it known to
me.
1668 The Resurrection. Before the Mass of the Resurrection, I felt so weak that
I lost all hope of participating in the procession which takes place in the church;
and I said to the Lord, "Jesus, if my prayers are pleasing to You, give me the
strength for this moment that I may take part in the procession." At that same
instant, I felt strong and certain that I could go along with the sisters in the
procession.
1669 When the procession began, I saw Jesus in a brightness greater than the
light of the sun. Jesus looked at me with love and said, Heart of My Heart, be
filled with joy. At that moment my spirit was drowned in Him... When I came to
myself, I was walking along in the procession with the sisters, while my soul was
totally immersed in Him...
1670 + Easter [April 17, 1938]. During Mass, I thanked the Lord Jesus for
having deigned to redeem us and for having given us that greatest of all gifts;
namely, His love in Holy Communion; that is, His very own Self. At that
moment, I was drawn into the bosom of the Most Holy Trinity, and I was
immersed in the love of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. These moments
are hard to describe.
1671 At that moment, I prayed to the Lord for a certain person, and the Lord
answered me, This soul is particularly dear to Me. I was immensely happy with
this. The happiness of other souls fills me with a new joy, and when I see the
higher gifts in some soul, my heart soars up to the Lord in a new hymn of
adoration.
1672 April 19, [1938]. During recreation, one of the sisters [Sister Cajetan]
said, "Sister Faustina is doing so poorly that she can hardly walk, but may she
die soon because she is going to be a saint." Then one of the sister directresses
[Sister Casimir 246] said, "That she is going to die, we know; but whether she is
going to be a saint, that is another question." There then began some malicious
remarks on this subject. I kept silent; then I put in a word, but I saw that the
conversation was getting worse, so again I fell silent.
1673 At present, I am getting letters from sisters who are in other houses and
who made their novitiate with me. 247 They often amuse me and make me
laugh, as they usually go something like this: "Dear Sister Faustina, we are very
sorry that you are so gravely ill; but we are very happy that, when the Lord
Jesus takes you away, you will pray for us, for you have a lot of influence with
the Lord. "One of the sisters put it this way: "When you die, Sister, please take
me under your special care, for certainly you can do that for me." Another sister
wrote as follows: "How I am waiting for the time when the Lord Jesus will take
you, because I know what will happen then; and I greatly desire death for you."
I did want to ask her what she was thinking of, concerning my death, but I
mortified myself and answered, "The same thing will happen to me, a sinner, as
happens to all sinners, if God's mercy does not shield me."
1674 April 20, [1938]. Departure for Pradnik. I was very worried that I would
be put in bed in a ward and be exposed to all sorts of things. If it were to be for
only a week or two... but it is for such a long time, two months or perhaps
more. In the evening, I went in for a long talk with the Lord Jesus. When I saw
the Lord Jesus, I poured out my whole heart before Him, all my troubles, fears
and apprehensions. Jesus lovingly listened to me and then said, Be at peace, My
child, I am with you. Go in great peace. All is ready; I have ordered, in My own
special way, a private room to be prepared for you. Reassured and
overwhelmed with gratitude, I went to bed.
1675 On the following day, Sister Felicia took me there. I left in great peace
and a calm spirit. When we arrived, they told us there was a private room for
Sister Faustina. When we entered the room, we were surprised that everything
had been prepared so beautifully: all was clean and neat, covered with
tablecloths and bedecked with flowers; a pretty Easter Lamb had been placed
on the night table by the Sisters. 248 At once, three Sacred Heart Sisters 249
who work at the sanatorium, my old acquaintances, came and greeted me
warmly. Sister Felicia was surprised at all this. We bid a warm farewell to each
other, and she left. When I was alone, with just the Lord Jesus and myself, I
thanked Him for this great grace.
1676 Jesus said to me, Be at peace; I am with you. Tired, I fell asleep. In the
evening, the sister [Sister David] who was to look after me came and said,
"Tomorrow you will not receive the Lord Jesus, Sister, because you are very
tired; later on, we shall see." This hurt me very much, but I said with great
calmness, "Very well," and, resigning myself totally to the will of the Lord, I tried
to sleep. In the morning, I made my meditation and prepared for Holy
Communion, even though I was not to receive the Lord Jesus. When my love
and desire had reached a high degree, I saw at my bedside a Seraph, who gave
me Holy Communion, 250 saying these words: "Behold the Lord of Angels."
When I received the Lord, my spirit was drowned in the love of God and in
amazement. This was repeated for thirteen days, although I was never sure he
would bring me Holy Communion the next day. Yet, I put my trust completely in
the goodness of God, but did not even dare to think that I would receive Holy
Communion in this way on the following day. The Seraph was surrounded by a great light, the divinity and love of God being
reflected in him. He wore a golden robe and, over it, a transparent surplice and
a transparent stole. The chalice was crystal, covered with a transparent veil. As
soon as he gave me the Lord, he disappeared.
1677 Once, when a certain doubt rose within me shortly before Holy
Communion, the Seraph with the Lord Jesus stood before me again. I asked the
Lord Jesus, and not receiving an answer, I said to the Seraph, "Could you
perhaps hear my confession?" And he answered me, "No spirit in heaven has
that power." And at that moment, the Sacred Host rested on my lips.
1678 On Sunday [April 24, 1938 251], the sister who had charge of the sick
said to me, "Well, Sister, the priest will bring you the Lord Jesus today." I
answered, "Good," and he brought Him. After some time, I received permission
to leave my bed. So I went to Holy Mass and to spend time with the Lord,
regularly.
1679 After the first examination, the doctor [Silberg] found that my condition
was grave. "We suspect, Sister, that you do have the illness about which you
spoke to me. But Almighty God can do all things." When I entered my room, I steeped myself in prayer of thanksgiving for
everything the Lord had been sending me throughout my whole life, surrendering
myself totally to His most holy will. A deep joy and peace flooded my soul. I felt
a peace so great that, if death had come at that moment, I would not have said
to it, "Wait, for I still have some matters to attend to." No, I would have
welcomed it with joy, because I am ready for the meeting with the Lord, not
only today, but ever since the moment when I placed my complete trust in the
Divine Mercy, resigning myself totally to His most holy will, full of mercy and
compassion. I know what I am of myself...
1680 Low Sunday. Today, I again offered myself to the Lord as a holocaust for
sinners. My Jesus, if the end of my life is already approaching, I beg You most
humbly, accept my death in union with You as a holocaust which I offer You
today, while I still have full possession of my faculties and a fully conscious will,
and this for a threefold purpose: Firstly: that the work of Your mercy may spread throughout the whole world
and that the Feast of The Divine Mercy may be solemnly promulgated and
celebrated. Secondly: that sinners, especially dying sinners, may have recourse to Your
mercy and experience the unspeakable effects of this mercy. Thirdly: that all the work of Your mercy may be realized according to Your
wishes, and for a certain person who is in charge of this work... Accept, most merciful Jesus, this, my inadequate sacrifice, which I offer to You
today before heaven and earth. May Your Most Sacred Heart, so full of mercy,
complete what is lacking in my offering, and offer it to Your Father for the
conversion of sinners. I thirst after souls, O Christ.
1681 + At that moment, the light of God penetrated my being, and I felt that I
was God's exclusive property; and I experienced the greatest spiritual freedom,
of which I had had no previous idea. And at the same time, I saw the glory of
The Divine Mercy and an infinite multitude of souls who were praising His
goodness. My soul was completely drowned in God, and I heard the words,
You are My well-beloved daughter. The vivid presence of God continued
throughout the whole day.
1682 + May 1, [1938]. This evening, Jesus said to me, My daughter, do you
need anything? I answered, "O my Love, when I have You I have everything."
And the Lord answered, If souls would put themselves completely in My care, I
Myself would undertake the task of sanctifying them, and I would lavish even
greater graces on them. There are souls who thwart My efforts, but I have not
given up on them; as often as they turn to Me, I hurry to their aid, shielding them
with My mercy, and I give them the first place in My compassionate Heart.
1683 Write for the benefit of religious souls that it delights Me to come to their
hearts in Holy Communion. But if there is anyone else in such a heart, I cannot
bear it and quickly leave that heart, taking with Me all the gifts and graces I have
prepared for the soul. And the soul does not even notice My going. After some
time, inner emptiness and dissatisfaction will come to her attention. Oh, if only
she would turn to Me then, I would help her to cleanse her heart, and I would
fulfill everything in her soul; but without her knowledge and consent, I cannot be
the Master of her heart.
1684 + I often communicate with persons who are dying and obtain the divine
mercy for them. Oh, how great is the goodness of God, greater than we can
understand. There are moments and there are mysteries of the divine mercy over
which the heavens are astounded. Let our judgment of souls cease, for God's
mercy upon them is extraordinary.
1685 During Holy Hour today, I asked the Lord Jesus if He would deign to
teach me about the spiritual life. Jesus answered me, My daughter, faithfully live
up to the words which I speak to you. Do not value any external thing too
highly, even if it were to seem very precious to you. Let go of yourself, and
abide with Me continually. Entrust everything to Me and do nothing on your
own, and you will always have great freedom of spirit. No circumstances or
events will ever be able to upset you. Set little store on what people say. Let
everyone judge you as they like. Do not make excuses for yourself; it will do
you no harm. Give away everything at the first sign of a demand, even if they
were the most necessary things. Do not ask for anything without consulting Me.
Allow them to take away even what is due you-respect, your good name-let
your spirit rise above all that. And so, set free from everything, rest close to My
Heart, not allowing your peace to be disturbed by anything. My pupil, consider
the words which I have spoken to you.
1686 O my Love, my eternal Master, how good it is to obey; because when
obedience infuses the soul, it brings with it power and strength to act.
1687 Today I saw the Crucified Lord Jesus. Precious pearls and diamonds
were pouring forth from the wound in His Heart. I saw how a multitude of souls
was gathering these gifts, but there was one soul who was closest to His Heart
and she, knowing the greatness of these gifts, was gathering them with liberality,
not only for herself, but for others as well. The Savior said to me, Behold, the
treasures of grace that flow down upon souls, but not all souls know how to
take advantage of My generosity.
1688 Today, the Lord said to me, My daughter, look into My Merciful Heart
and reflect its compassion in your own heart and in your deeds, so that you,
who proclaim My mercy to the world, may yourself be aflame with it.
1689 May 8, [1938]. Today, I saw two enormous pillars implanted in the
ground; I had implanted one of them, and a certain person, S.M., the other. We
had done so with unheard-of effort, much fatigue and difficulty. And when I had
implanted the pillar, I myself wondered where such extraordinary strength had
come from. And I recognized that I had not done this by my own strength, but
with the power which came from above. These two pillars were close to each
other, in the area of the image. And I saw the image, raised up very high and
hanging from these two pillars. In an instant, there stood a large temple,
supported both from within and from without, upon these two pillars. I saw a
hand finishing the temple, but I did not see the person. There was a great
multitude of people, inside and outside the temple, and the torrents issuing from
the Compassionate Heart of Jesus were flowing down upon everyone.
1690 After Holy Communion today, Jesus said, My daughter give Me souls.
Know that it is your mission to win souls for Me by prayer and sacrifice, and by
encouraging them to trust in My mercy.
1691 Oh, how greatly I desire the glory of Your mercy-for me, bitterness and
suffering! When I see the glory of Your mercy, I am immeasurably happy. Let
all disgrace, humiliation and abasement come down upon me, as long as the
glory and praise of Your mercy resounds everywhere-that's all that matters. The Creator and The Creature.
1692 I adore You, Lord and Creator, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament. I adore
You for all the works of Your hands, that reveal to me so much wisdom,
goodness and mercy, O Lord. You have spread so much beauty over the earth,
and it tells me about Your beauty, even though these beautiful things are but a
faint reflection of You, Incomprehensible Beauty. And although You have
hidden Yourself and concealed Your beauty, my eye, enlightened by faith,
reaches You, and my soul recognizes its Creator, its Highest Good; and my
heart is completely immersed in prayer of adoration. My Lord and Creator, Your goodness encourages me to converse with You.
Your mercy abolishes the chasm which separates the Creator from the creature.
To converse with You, O Lord, is the delight of my heart. In You I find
everything that my heart could desire. Here Your light illumines my mind,
enabling it to know You more and more deeply. Here streams of graces flow
down upon my heart. Here my soul draws eternal life. O my Lord and Creator,
You alone, beyond all these gifts, give Your own self to me and unite Yourself
intimately with Your miserable creature. Here, without searching for words, our
hearts understand each other. Here, no one is able to interrupt our conversation.
What I talk to You about, Jesus, is our secret, which creatures shall not know
and Angels dare not ask about. These are secret acts of forgiveness, known
only to Jesus and me; this is the mystery of His mercy, which embraces each
soul separately. For this incomprehensible goodness of Yours, I adore You, O
Lord and Creator, with all my heart and all my soul. And, although my worship
is so little and poor, I am at peace because I know that You know it is sincere,
however inadequate...
1693 As I was writing the above words, I saw the Lord Jesus leaning over me,
and He asked, My daughter, what are you writing? I answered, "I am writing
about You, Jesus, about Your being hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, about
Your inconceivable love and mercy for people." And Jesus said, Secretary of
My most profound mystery, know that yours is an exclusive intimacy with Me.
Your task is to write down everything that I make known to you about My
mercy, for the benefit of those who by reading these things will be comforted in
their souls and will have the courage to approach Me. I therefore want you to
devote all your free moments to writing. "But, O Lord, shall I always have a
moment, at least a brief one, in which to write?" And Jesus answered, It is not
for you to think about that. Only do as much as you can, and I will always
arrange things so that you will easily be able to do what I ask of you...
1694 Today, I was visited by a certain lay person [probably Stanislava
Kwietniewska] who has caused me a lot of sorrow and who has abused my
goodness, telling many lies. At the first moment I saw her, the blood froze in my
veins, because there stood before my eyes all that I had to suffer because of her,
although with one word I could have freed myself of them all. And the thought
came to me to tell her the truth, firmly and immediately. But at the same moment,
the mercy of God came before my eyes, and I resolved to act toward her as
Jesus would have acted in my place. I started to talk to her gently, and when she
expressed the wish to talk to me alone; I then, in a very delicate manner, made
known to her clearly the sad condition of her soul. I saw that she was deeply
moved, though she was trying to hide this from me. At that point, a third person
came in, and so our heart-to-heart talk came to an end. She asked me for a
glass of water and for two other things which I did willingly. However, had it not
been for the grace of God, I would not have been able to act in such a way
toward her. When they left, I thanked God for the grace which had supported
me during that time.
1695 Then I heard the words, I am glad you behaved like My true daughter. Be
always merciful as I am merciful. Love everyone out of love for Me, even your
greatest enemies, so that My mercy may be fully reflected in your heart.
1696 O Christ, although much effort is required, all things can be done with
Your grace.
1697 I was feeling fairly well today, and I was glad that I would be able to
make the Holy Hour. But when I began to make the Holy Hour, my physical
sufferings intensified, so that I was not able to pray. When the Holy Hour was
over, my sufferings came to an end, and I complained to the Lord that I had
wanted so much to steep myself in His sorrowful Passion, but that my sufferings
had not allowed me to do so. Then Jesus said to me, My daughter, know that if
I allow you to feel and have a more profound knowledge of My sufferings, that
is a grace from Me. But when your mind is dimmed and your sufferings are
great, it is then that you take an active part in My Passion, and I am conforming
you more fully to Myself. It is your task to submit yourself to My will at such
times, more than at others...
1698 l often attend upon the dying and through entreaties obtain for them trust in
God's mercy, and I implore God for an abundance of divine grace, which is
always victorious. God's mercy sometimes touches the sinner at the last moment
in a wondrous and mysterious way. Outwardly, it seems as if everything were
lost, but it is not so. The soul, illumined by a ray of God's powerful final grace,
turns to God in the last moment with such a power of love that, in an instant, it
receives from God forgiveness of sin and punishment, while outwardly it shows
no sign either of repentance or of contrition, because souls [at that stage] no
longer react to external things. Oh, how beyond comprehension is God's mercy!
But-horror!-there are also souls who voluntarily and consciously reject and
scorn this grace! Although a person is at the point of death, the merciful God
gives the soul that interior vivid moment, so that if the soul is willing, it has the
possibility of returning to God. But sometimes, the obduracy in souls is so great
that consciously they choose hell; they [thus] make useless all the prayers that
other souls offer to God for them and even the efforts of God Himself...
1699 J.M.J. Solitude-my favorite moments, Solitude-but always with You, Jesus and Lord, Close to Your Heart, time passes pleasantly for me, And, close to Him, my soul finds its repose. When the heart is filled with You and overflowing with love, And the soul burns with pure fire, Then, amidst the utmost desolation, the soul will not experience loneliness, Because it rests on Your bosom. O Solitude-moments of supreme companionship, Though I be abandoned by all creatures, I immerse myself totally in the ocean of Your Godhead, And You listen sweetly to my confidences.
1700 This evening, the Lord asked me, Do you not have any desires in your
heart? I answered, "I have one great desire, and it is to be united with You
forever." And the Lord answered me, That will happen soon. My dearest child,
your every stirring is reflected in My Heart. My gaze rests kindly upon you
before any other creature. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 6
1701 I asked the Lord today that He might deign to teach me about the interior
life, because of myself I can neither understand nor conceive anything perfectly.
The Lord answered me, I was your Teacher, I am and I will be; strive to make
your heart like unto My humble and gentle Heart. Never claim your rights. Bear
with great calm and patience everything that befalls you. Do not defend yourself
when you are put to shame, though innocent. Let others triumph. Do not stop
being good when you notice that your goodness is being abused. I Myself will
speak up for you when it is necessary. Be grateful for the smallest of My graces,
because your gratitude compels Me to grant you new graces...
1702 Towards the end of the Way of the Cross which I was making, the Lord
Jesus began to complain about the souls of religious and priests, about the lack
of love in chosen souls. I will allow convents and churches to be destroyed. I
answered, "Jesus, but there are so many souls praising You in convents." The
Lord answered, That praise wounds My Heart, because love has been banished
from convents. Souls without love and without devotion, souls full of egoism and
self-love, souls full of pride and arrogance, souls full of deceit and hypocrisy,
lukewarm souls who have just enough warmth to keep them alive: My Heart
cannot bear this. All the graces that I pour out upon them flow off them as off
the face of a rock. I cannot stand them, because they are neither good or bad. I
called convents into being to sanctify the world through them. It is from them
that a powerful flame of love and sacrifice should burst forth. And if they do not
repent and become enkindled by their first love, I will deliver them over to the
fate of this world... How can they sit on the promised throne of judgment to judge the world, when
their guilt is greater than the guilt of the world? There is neither penance nor
atonement. O heart, which received Me in the morning and at noon are all
ablaze with hatred against Me, hatred of all sorts! O heart specially chosen by
Me, were you chosen for this, to give Me more pain? The great sins of the
world are superficial wounds on My Heart, but the sins of a chosen soul pierce
My Heart through and through...
1703 When I tried to intercede for them, I could find nothing with which to
excuse them and, being at the time unable to think of anything in their defense,
my heart was seized with pain, and I wept bitterly. Then the Lord looked at me
kindly and comforted me with these words: Do not cry. There are still a great
number of souls who love Me very much, but My Heart desires to be loved by
all and, because My love is great, that is why I warn and chastise them.
1704 + Struggle with a certain temptation. There was a person who kept
accosting me with flattering words, and since he knew when I went out to go to
the chapel or to the veranda, he would bar my way. Since he did not dare
approach me by himself, he found another person like himself, but neither of
them dared approach. As I was on my way to the May devotions, they were
already standing there where I had to pass. I hadn't yet reached them when I
heard enticing words, directed at me. And the Lord permitted me to know the
intentions of their hearts, which were not good. I felt they would block my way
after the service, and then I would have to talk to them, for up to that time I
hadn't said a word. When I left the chapel, they were there, armed and waiting for me to pass. This
time, I was overcome with fear. Then Jesus stood by me and said, Do not fear.
I am with you. Then I felt an extraordinary strength in my soul, which I cannot
describe and, being a few steps from them, I said boldly and loudly, "Praised be
Jesus Christ."And they, stepping aside, responded, "For ever and ever. Amen."
As if struck by lightning, they bowed their heads, not even daring to look at me.
After I had passed, I could hear some malicious comments. Ever since that time,
when this person sees me, he runs away in order not to meet me and I, thanks
to the Lord, have been left in peace...
1705 After Holy Mass, I went out to the garden to make my meditation, since
there were not yet any patients in the garden at this time, and so I felt at ease.
As I was meditating on the blessings of God, my heart was burning with a love
so strong that it seemed my breast would burst. Suddenly Jesus stood before
me and said, What are you doing here so early? I answered, "I am thinking of
You, of Your mercy and Your goodness toward us. And You, Jesus, what are
You doing here?" I have come out to meet you, to lavish new graces on you. I
am looking for souls who would like to receive My grace.
1706 During Vespers today, the Lord gave me to know how very pleased He is
with a pure and free heart. I felt that it is God's delight to look into such a
heart... But such hearts are knightly hearts; their life is a constant battle...
1707 + On my way to the veranda, I went into the chapel for a moment. My
heart was plunged in profound adoration, praising God's incomprehensible
goodness and His mercy. Then I heard these words in my soul: I am and will be
for you such as you praise Me for being. You shall experience My goodness,
already in this life and then, to the full, in the life to come.
1708 O Christ, I am most delighted when I see that You are loved, and that
Your praise and glory resound, especially the praise of Your mercy. 0 Christ, to
the last moment of my life, I will not stop glorifying Your goodness and mercy.
With every drop of my blood, with every beat of my heart, I glorify Your mercy.
I long to be entirely transformed into a hymn of Your glory. When I find myself
on my deathbed, may the last beat of my heart be a loving hymn in praise of
Your unfathomable mercy.
1709 + Today the Lord said to me, You shall make a three-day retreat before
the coming of the Holy Spirit. I Myself will direct you. You shall not follow any
of the rules required for retreats or use any books for meditation. Your task is to
listen attentively to My words. For spiritual reading you shall read one chapter
from the Gospel of St. John. [Here occurs a space of a half page in the original Notebook]
1710 May 26, [1938-Feast of the Ascension]. Today I accompanied the Lord
Jesus as He ascended into heaven. It was about noon. I was overcome by a
great longing for God. It is a strange thing, the more I felt God's presence, the
more ardently I desired Him. Then I saw myself in the midst of a huge crowd of
disciples and apostles, together with the Mother of God. Jesus was telling them
to... Go out into the whole world and teach in My name. He stretched out His
hands and blessed them and disappeared in a cloud. I saw the longing of Our
Lady. Her soul yearned for Jesus with the whole force of Her love. But She was
so peaceful and so united to the will of God that there was not a stir in Her heart
but for what God wanted.
1711 When I was left alone with the Blessed Virgin, She instructed me
concerning the interior life. She said, The soul's true greatness is in loving God
and in humbling oneself in His presence, completely forgetting oneself and
believing oneself to be nothing; because the Lord is great, but He is well pleased
only with the humble; He always opposes the proud.
1712 A certain person whom I have mentioned before visited me again. When I
saw that she was beginning to get entangled in her own lies, I let her know that I
knew she was lying. She became very embarrassed and stopped speaking.
Then I spoke to her about the great judgments of God, and I also remarked that
she was leading innocent souls astray and along dangerous roads. I uncovered
before her everything that was in her heart. Since I had to overcome my own
feelings in order to talk to her, to prove to Jesus that I love my enemies, I gave
her my afternoon snack. She went away enlightened in soul, but action is still far away...
1713 There are times when the Lord Jesus fulfills my smallest wishes. Today I
remarked that I would like to see some ears of grain, but that they cannot be
seen from our sanatorium. However, one of the patients heard this remark and,
on the following day, he went out into the field and brought me several beautiful
ears of grain. My room is always adorned with fresh flowers, but my spirit finds
satisfaction in nothing. More and more, I yearn for God.
1714 Today I interceded earnestly with the Lord Jesus for our house, that He
might deign to take away the cross which has touched our convent. 252 The
Lord answered me, Your prayers are accepted for other intentions. I cannot
take away this cross until they recognize its meaning. Nevertheless, I did not
stop praying.
1715 A strong temptation. The Lord gave me to know how pleasing a pure
heart is to Him, and thereby I was given a deeper knowledge of my own misery.
When I began to prepare for confession, strong temptations against confessors
assaulted me. I did not see Satan, but I could sense him, his terrible anger. -
"Yes, he's an ordinary man." - "Not ordinary, because he has the power of
God." - Yes, it is not difficult for me to accuse myself of my sins. But to uncover
the most secret depths of my heart, to give an account of the action of God's
grace, to speak about God's every demand, about all that goes on between God
and myself... to tell that to a man is beyond my strength. I felt I was fighting
against the powers and I cried out: "O Christ, You and the priest are one; I will
approach confession as if I were approaching, not a man, but You." When I
entered the confessional, I began by disclosing my difficulties. The priest replied
that the best thing I could have done was to disclose these temptations from the
outset. However, after the confession, they took flight, and my soul is enjoying peace.
1716 Once during recreation, one of the sister directresses said that the lay
sisters were without feelings, and so could be treated stiffly. I was sorry to see
that the sister directresses know so little about the lay sisters and judge them
only from appearances.
1717 Today, I was talking with the Lord, and He said to me, There are souls
with whom I can do nothing. They are souls that are continuously observing
others, but know nothing of what is going on within their own selves. They talk
about others continually, even during times of grand silence, which is reserved
for speaking only with Me. Poor souls, they do not hear My words; their interior
remains empty. They do not look for Me within their own hearts, but in idle talk,
where I am never to be found. They sense their emptiness, but they do not
recognize their own guilt, while souls in whom I reign completely are a constant
source of remorse to them. Instead of correcting themselves, their hearts swell
with envy, and if they do not come to their senses, they plunge in even deeper.
A heart, which thus far is envious, now begins to be filled with hate. And they
are already at the edge of the precipice. They are jealous of my gifts in other
souls, but they themselves are unable '' and unwilling to accept them.
1718 To stay at Your feet, O hidden God, Is the delight and paradise of my soul. Here, You give me to know You, O incomprehensible One, And You speak to me sweetly: Give Me, give Me your heart. Silent conversation, alone with You, Is to experience what heavenly beings enjoy, And to say to God, "I will, I will give You my heart, O Lord," While You, O great and incomprehensible One, accept it graciously. Love and sweetness are my soul's life, And Your unceasing presence in my soul. I live on earth in constant rapture, And like a Seraph I repeat, "Hosanna!" O You Who are hidden, body, soul and divinity, Under the fragile form of bread, You are my life from Whom springs an abundance of graces; And, for me, You surpass the delights of heaven. When You unite Yourself with me in Communion, O God, I then feel my unspeakable greatness, A greatness which flows from You, O Lord, I humbly confess, And despite my misery, with Your help, I can become a saint.
1719 + During Holy Mass, I came to know that a certain priest does not effect
much in souls because he thinks about himself and so is alone. God's grace
takes flight; he relies on trifling external things, which have no importance in the
eyes of God; and, being proud, he fritters away his time, wearing himself out to
no purpose.
1720 There are moments when Jesus gives me knowledge within my soul, and
then everything that exists on earth is at my service: friends, enemies, success,
adversity... all things, willing or not, must serve me. I do not think of them at all;
I strive to be faithful to God and to love Him to the point of complete
forgetfulness of self. And He Himself looks after me and fights against my enemies.
1721 After Holy Communion, when I had welcomed Jesus into my heart, I said
to Him, "My Love, reign in the most secret recesses of my heart, there where
my most secret thoughts are conceived, where You alone have free access, in
this deepest sanctuary where human thought cannot penetrate. May You alone
dwell there, and may everything I do exteriorly take its origin in You. I ardently
desire, and I am striving with all the strength of my soul, to make You, Lord, feel
at home in this sanctuary."
1722 I heard these words: If you did not tie My hands, I would send down
many punishments upon the earth. My daughter, your look disarms My anger.
Although your lips are silent, you call out to Me so mightily that all heaven is
moved. I cannot escape from your requests, because you pursue Me, not from
afar but within your own heart.
1723 When the soul of a certain young lady came to me one night, she made me
aware of her presence, and made known to me that she needed my prayer. I
prayed for a while, but her spirit did not leave me. Then I thought to myself, "If
you are a good spirit, leave me in peace, and the indulgences I will gain
tomorrow will be for you." At that moment, the spirit left my room, and I
recognized that she was in purgatory.
1724 Today I felt the Lord's Passion in my body more than at any other time. I
felt this was for the sake of a dying soul.
1725 Today, the Lord has been teaching me, once again, how I am to approach
the Sacrament of Penance: My daughter, just as you prepare in My presence,
so also you make your confession before Me. The person of the priest is, for
Me, only a screen. Never analyze what sort of a priest it is that I am making use
of; open your soul in confession as you would to Me, and I will fill it with My light.
1726 Christ and Lord, You are leading me over such precipices that, when I
look at them, I am filled with fright, but at the same time I am at peace as I
nestle close to Your heart. Close to Your Heart, I fear nothing. In these
dangerous moments, I act like a little child, carried in its mother's arms; when it
sees something which menaces it, it clasps its mother's neck more firmly and
feels secure.
1727 + I often see snares laid for me by souls who should not do so. I do not
defend myself, but entrust myself all the more to God, who sees within me. And
I see how these souls become entangled in their own snares. O God, how just
and good You are!
1728 Write: I am Thrice Holy, and I detest the smallest sin. I cannot love a soul
which is stained with sin; but when it repents, there is no limit to My generosity
toward it. My mercy embraces and justifies it. With My mercy, I pursue sinners
along all their paths, and My Heart rejoices when they return to Me. I forget the
bitterness with which they fed My Heart and rejoice at their return. Tell sinners that no one shall escape My Hand; if they run away from My
Merciful Heart, they will fall into My Just Hands. Tell sinners that I am always
waiting for them, that I listen intently to the beating of their heart... when will it
beat for Me? Write, that I am speaking to them through their remorse of
conscience, through their failures and sufferings, through thunderstorms, through
the voice of the Church. And if they bring all My graces to naught, I begin to be
angry with them, leaving them alone and giving them what they want.
1729 O my Jesus, You alone know of my efforts. I seem to be a bit better, but
better only to the point that I can go out on the veranda instead of lying in bed. I
see and am fully aware of what is happening to me. Despite the diligent care of
my superiors and the efforts of the doctors, my health is fading and running out.
But I rejoice greatly at Your call, my God, my Love, because I know that my
mission will begin at the moment of my death. Oh, how much I desire to be set
free from the bonds of this body. O my Jesus, You know that, in all my desires,
I always want to see Your will. Of myself, I would not want to die one minute
sooner, or to live one minute longer, or to suffer less, or to suffer more, but I
only want to do Your holy will. Although I have great enthusiasm, and the
desires burning in my heart are immense, they are never above Your will.
1730 I fly to Your mercy, Compassionate God, who alone are good. Although
my misery is great, and my offenses are many, I trust in Your mercy, because
You are the God of mercy; and, from time immemorial, it has never been heard
of, nor do heaven or earth remember, that a soul trusting in Your mercy has
been disappointed. O God of compassion, You alone can justify me, and You will never reject me
when I, contrite, approach Your Merciful Heart, where no one has ever been
refused, even if he were the greatest sinner.
1731 Today I was awakened by a great storm. The wind was raging, and it
was raining in torrents, thunderbolts striking again and again. I began to pray that
the storm would do no harm, when I heard the words: Say the chaplet I have
taught you, and the storm will cease. I began immediately to say the chaplet and
hadn't even finished it when the storm suddenly ceased, and I heard the words:
Through the chaplet you will obtain everything, if what you ask for is compatible
with My will.
1732 As I was praying for Poland, I heard the words: I bear a special love for
Poland, and if she will be obedient to My will, I will exalt her in might and
holiness. From her will come forth the spark that will prepare the world for My
final coming.
1733 + Welcome, hidden Love, life of my soul! I welcome You, Jesus, under
these insignificant forms of bread. Welcome, sweetest Mercy, who pour
Yourself out for souls. Welcome, Infinite Goodness, who pour out everywhere
torrents of Your graces. Welcome, O veiled Brightness, the Light of souls.
Welcome, O Fount of inexhaustible mercy, O purest Spring from which life and
holiness gush forth for us. Welcome, Delight of pure souls. Welcome, only Hope
of sinful souls.
1734 O my Jesus, You know that there are times when I have neither lofty
thoughts nor a soaring spirit. I bear with myself patiently and admit that that is
just what I am, because all that is beautiful is a grace from God. And so I
humble myself profoundly and cry out for Your help; and the grace of visitation
is not slow in coming to the humble heart.
1735 O virgin, lovely flower, You will not remain much longer in this world. Oh, how beautiful your loveliness, My pure bride! No numbers can count you. How dear is your virginal flower! Your brightness is in no way dimmed; It is brave, strong, invincible. The very blaze of the noon-day sun Dims, and darkens in the presence of a virgin heart. I see nothing greater than virginity. It is a flower taken from the Divine Heart. O gentle virgin, fragrant rose, Although there are many crosses on earth, No eye has seen, nor has it entered into the mind of man What awaits a virgin in heaven. O virgin, snow-white lily, You live wholly for Jesus alone And in the pure chalice of your heart Is a pleasing dwelling place for God Himself. O virgin, no one will sing your hymn. In your song lies hidden the love of God. Even the Angels do not comprehend What the virgins sing to God. O virgin, your flower of paradise Eclipses all the splendors of this world. And although the world cannot comprehend you, It bows humbly before you. Although the virgin's path is strewn with thorns, And her life bristles with many a cross, Who is as brave as she? Nothing will break her; she is invincible. O virgin, earthly angel, Your greatness is renowned throughout the Church. You stand guard before the tabernacle And, like a Seraph, become all love.
1736 Once, when I was on the veranda, I saw that a certain person was being
troubled by strong temptations concerning Holy Confession, doubting its
secrecy. Although I knew the condition of that soul, I myself did not start the
conversation. When we were alone, she opened her heart to me and told me
everything. After talking for a short while, she said to me, "I am at peace now;
my soul has received much light."
1737 Today, Jesus made known to me that I should speak little with a certain
religious sister. A special grace of God sustained me during the conversation,
which would not otherwise have been for God's glory.
1738 The Lord said to me, Enter into purgatory often, because they need you
there. O my Jesus, I understand the meaning of these words which You are
speaking to me, but first let me enter the treasury of Your mercy.
1739 Write, My daughter, that I am mercy itself for the contrite soul. A soul's
greatest wretchedness does not enkindle Me with wrath; but rather, My Heart is
moved towards it with great mercy.
1740 O my Jesus, give me strength to endure suffering so that I I may not make
a wry face when I drink the cup of bitterness. Help me Yourself to make my
sacrifice pleasing to You. May it not be tainted by my self-love, even though it
extend over many years. May purity of intention make it pleasing to You, fresh
and full of life. This life of mine is a ceaseless struggle, a constant effort to do
Your holy will; but may everything that is in me, both my misery and my
strength, give praise to You, O Lord. The Infinite Goodness of God in the Creation of the Angels.
1741 O God, who are happiness in Your very self and have no need of
creatures to make You happy, because of Yourself You are the fullness of love;
yet, out of Your fathomless mercy You call creatures into being and grant them
a share in Your eternal happiness and in Your life, that divine indwelling life
which You live, One God in Three Persons. In Your unfathomable mercy, You
have created angelic spirits and admitted them to Your love and to Your divine
intimacy. You have made them capable of eternal love. Although You bestowed
on them so generously, O Lord, the splendor of love and beauty, Your fullness
was not diminished in the least, O God, nor have their love and beauty
completed You, because You are everything in Yourself. And if You have
allowed them to participate in Your happiness and to exist and to love You, that
is only due to the abyss of Your mercy. This is Your unfathomable goodness,
for which they glorify You without end, humbling themselves at the feet of Your
majesty as they chant their eternal hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy...
1742 Be praised, merciful God, One God in the Holy Trinity, Unfathomable, infinite, incomprehensible, immersing themselves in You, their minds cannot comprehend You, So they repeat without end their eternal: Holy. Be glorified, O merciful Creator of ours, O Lord, Omnipotent, but full of compassion, inconceivable. To love You is the mission of our existence, Singing our eternal hymn: Holy... Be blessed, merciful God, Eternal Love. You are above the heavens, the saphires, the firmaments. The host of pure spirits sings You praises, With its eternal hymn: Thrice Holy. And, gazing upon You, face to face, O God, I see that You could have called other creatures before them. Therefore they humble themselves before You in great humility, For well they see that this grace comes solely from Your mercy. One of the most beautiful spirits would not recognize Your mercy, And, blinded by his pride, he drew others after him. Angel of great beauty, he became Satan And was cast down in one moment from heaven's heights into hell. Then the faithful spirits cried, "Glory to God's mercy!" And they stood firm in spite of the fiery test. Glory to Jesus, the Christ abased, Glory to His Mother, the humble and pure Virgin. After this battle, the pure spirits plunged into the ocean of Divinity; Contemplating and praising the depths of His mercy, They drown in His mercy and manifold light, Possessing in knowledge the Trinity of Persons, the Oneness of Godhead.
1743 + God's Infinite Goodness in Creating Mankind. God, who in Your mercy have deigned to call man from nothingness into being,
generously have You bestowed upon him nature and grace. But that seemed too
little for Your infinite goodness. In Your mercy, O Lord, You have given us
everlasting life. You admit us to Your everlasting happiness and grant us to share
in Your interior life. And You do this solely out of Your mercy. You bestow on
us the gift of Your grace, only because You are good and full of love. You had
no need of us at all to be happy, but You, O Lord, want to share Your own
happiness with us. But man did not stand the test. You could have punished him,
like the angels, with eternal rejection, but here Your mercy appeared, and the
very depths of Your being were moved with great compassion, and You
promised to restore our salvation. It is an incomprehensible abyss of Your
compassion that You did not punish us as we deserved. May Your mercy be
glorified, O Lord; we will praise it for endless ages. And the angels were
amazed at the greatness of the mercy which You have shown for mankind...
1744 May You be adored, O merciful God of ours, O All-powerful Lord and Creator. In deepest humility, we give You praise, Plunging ourselves into the ocean of Your Godhead. But man did not persevere in the hour of trial. At the instigation of the evil one, he became unfaithful to You. He lost Your grace and gifts; only misery was left him, And tears, suffering, sorrow and bitterness, until he would rest in the grave. But you, O merciful God, did not let humanity perish, And gave it the promise of a Redeemer. You did not let us despair, despite our grave offenses, And You sent Your prophets to Israel. Still, day and night, mankind cries out to You, From the abyss of misery, sin and all pain. Hear the moaning and the tears, You who reign in heaven, God of great mercy, God of compassion. Man erred, but he cannot ask pardon, Because a gaping chasm has appeared between God and man. With the voice of his misery, he cries out, "Mercy!" But Yahweh is silent... and century after century passes on. But the longing of all humankind grows deeper. A longing for Him who has been promised. Come, Lamb of God, take away our vile sins, Come, illumine our darkness like a ray of light. Humanity calls out to You unceasingly, O Lord of lords, Calls out to Your unfathomable mercy, to Your compassion. O great Yahweh, grant that we may make atonement, Remember Your goodness, and forgive us our sins. +The Infinite Goodness of God in Sending Us His Only-Begotten Son.
1745 God, You did not destroy man after his fall, but in Your mercy You
forgave him, You forgave in a divine way; that is, not only have You absolved
him from guilt, but You have bestowed upon him every grace. Mercy has
moved You to deign to descend among us and lift us up from our misery. God
will descend to earth; the Immortal Lord of lords will abase Himself. But where
will You descend, Lord; will it be to the temple of Solomon? Or will You have a
new tabernacle built for Yourself? Where do You intend to come down? O
Lord, what kind of tabernacle shall we prepare for You, since the whole earth is
Your footstool? You have indeed prepared a tabernacle for Yourself: the Blessed Virgin. Her
Immaculate Womb is Your dwelling place, and the inconceivable miracle of
Your mercy takes place, O Lord. The Word becomes flesh; God dwells among
us, the Word of God, Mercy Incarnate. By Your descent, You have lifted us up
to Your divinity. Such is the excess of Your love, the abyss of Your mercy.
Heaven is amazed at the superabundance of Your love. No one fears to
approach You now. You are the God of mercy. You have compassion on
misery. You are our God, and we are Your people. You are our Father, and we
are Your children by grace. Praise be to Your mercy, that You have deigned to
descend among us.
1746 Be adored, O God of mercy, Because You have deigned to descend from heaven to earth. Most humbly we adore You For Your having vouchsafed to exalt all mankind. Unfathomable and incomprehensible in Your mercy, For love of us You take on flesh From the Immaculate Virgin, ever untouched by sin, Because You have willed it so from all ages. The Blessed Virgin, that Snow-White Lily, Is first to praise the omnipotence of Your mercy. Her pure heart opens with love for the coming of the Word; She believes the words of God's messenger and is confirmed in trust. Heaven is astounded that God has become man, That there is on earth a heart worthy of God Himself. Why is it that You do not unite Yourself with a Seraph, but with a sinner, O Lord? Oh, because, despite the purity of the virginal womb, this is a mystery of Your
mercy. O mystery of God's mercy, O God of compassion, That You have deigned to leave the heavenly throne And to stoop down to our misery, to human weakness, For it is not the angels, but man who needs mercy. To give worthy praise to the Lord's mercy, We unite ourselves with Your Immaculate Mother, For then our hymn will be more pleasing to You, Because She is chosen from among men and angels. Through Her, as through a pure crystal, Your mercy was passed on to us. Through Her, man became pleasing to God; Through Her, streams of grace flowed down upon us. + God's Infinite Goodness in Redeeming Man.
1747 God, You could have saved thousands of worlds with one word; a single
sigh from Jesus would have satisfied Your justice. But You Yourself, Jesus,
purely out of love for us, underwent such a terrible Passion. Your Father's
justice would have been propitiated with a single sigh from You, and all Your
self-abasement is solely the work of Your mercy and Your inconceivable love.
On leaving the earth, O Lord, You wanted to stay with us, and so You left us
Yourself in the Sacrament of the Altar, and You opened wide Your mercy to us.
There is no misery that could exhaust You; You have called us all to this fountain
of love, to this spring of God's compassion. Here is the tabernacle of Your
mercy, here is the remedy for all our ills. To You, O living spring of mercy, all
souls are drawn; some like deer, thirsting for Your love, others to wash the
wound of their sins, and still others, exhausted by life, to draw strength. At the
moment of Your death on the Cross, You bestowed upon us eternal life;
allowing Your most holy side to be opened, You opened an inexhaustible spring
of mercy for us, giving us Your dearest possession, the Blood and Water from
Your Heart. Such is the omnipotence of Your mercy. From it all grace flows to us.
1748 Be adored, O God, in the work of Your mercy, Be blessed by all faithful hearts On whom Your gaze rests, In whom dwells Your immortal life. O my Jesus, have mercy, sorrowful was Your life on this earth, And in terrible torment Your work came to an end, Hanging stretched out on the wood of the Cross, And all this for the love of our souls. In Your inconceivable love, You allowed Your most holy side to be opened, And streams of Blood and Water gushed forth from Your Heart. Here is the living fountain of Your mercy, Here souls receive consolation and refreshment. In the Blessed Sacrament, You left us Your mercy; Your love deigned to arrange it so, That, going through life, suffering and toil, I might never doubt of Your goodness and mercy. For even if the whole world's miseries weighed on my soul, We must not doubt for even a moment, But have trust in the power of God's mercy, Because, with graciousness, God receives a contrite soul. O unspeakable mercy of our Lord, Source of compassion and all sweetness, Trust, trust, O soul, though you are stained by sin, For when you approach God, you will not taste bitterness. Because He is a living fire of great love, When we approach Him with sincerity, Our miseries, sins and evil deeds vanish; He will settle our debts when we surrender ourselves to Him.
1749 + God's Infinite Goodness in Adorning the Whole World with Beauty in Order to Make Man's Stay on Earth Pleasant. O God, how generously Your mercy is spread everywhere, and You have done
all this for man. Oh, how much You must love him, since Your love is so active
on his behalf. O my Creator and Lord, I see on all sides the trace of Your hand
and the seal of Your mercy, which embraces all created things. O my most
compassionate Creator, I want to give You worship on behalf of all creatures
and all inanimate creation; I call on the whole universe to glorify Your mercy.
Oh, how great is Your goodness, O God!
1750 Be adored, O our Creator and Lord. O universe, humbly glorify your God; Thank your Creator to the best of your powers And praise God's incomprehensible mercy. Come, O earth, in all your fine greenery; Come, you too, O fathomless sea. Let your gratitude become a loving song , And sing the greatness of God's mercy. Come, beautiful, radiant sun. Come, bright dawn which precedes it. Join in one hymn, and let your clear voices Sing in one accord God's great mercy. Come, hills and valleys, sighing woods and thickets, Come, lovely flowers of morningtide; Let your unique scent Adore and glorify God's mercy. Come, all you lovely things of earth, Which man does not cease to wonder at. Come, adore God in your harmony, Glorifying God's inconceivable mercy. Come, indelible beauty of all the earth, And, with great humility, adore your Creator, For all things are locked in His mercy, With one mighty voice all things cry out; how great is the mercy of God. But above all these beauties, A more pleasing praise to God Is a soul innocent and filled with childlike trust, Which, through grace, is closely bound to Him. Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website
Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Notebook 6
1751 + O Jesus, concealed in the Blessed Sacrament of the Altar, my only love
and mercy, I commend to You all the needs of my body and soul. You can help
me, because You are Mercy itself. In You lies all my hope. [In the original there follows a completely blank page.] + J.M.J. Cracow-Pradnik, June 2, 1938 Three-day Retreat.
1752 Under the direction of Master Jesus, who Himself commanded me to
make this retreat, and who selected the days on which I was to make it; namely,
the three days preceding Pentecost and who, Himself, conducted this retreat.
However, I asked my confessor [probably Father Andrasz] whether I could
make such a retreat, and I received his permission. I also asked Mother
Superior [Irene] and received her permission too. I had resolved that I would
not make the retreat unless I obtained the permission of the Superiors. I began a
novena to the Holy Spirit, and waited for Mother Superior's answer. I should be beginning the retreat today, but I have not yet received news of
Mother Superior's decision. When I went to Church for the evening devotions, I
saw the Lord Jesus during the litany. My daughter, we are beginning the retreat.
I answered, "Jesus, my dearest Master, I ask Your forgiveness, but I cannot
make the retreat, because I have received no news as to whether Mother
Superior allows it or not." Do not worry, My daughter, the Superior has given
her permission. You will learn of it tomorrow morning. But we are to start the
retreat today. And indeed, Mother Superior had telephoned that evening to the sister who is
looking after me during my illness [Sister David], asking her to tell me that I was
allowed to make the retreat, but the sister had forgotten to tell me. It was only
next morning that she told me, and she was very apologetic that she had not told
me the day before. I answered her, "Please do not worry. I have already started
my retreat, according to the Superior's wish." +The First Day.
1753 In the evening, Jesus gave me the subject for meditation. At the first
moment, my heart was filled with fear and joy. Then I pressed myself close to
His Heart, and the fear vanished; only joy remained. I felt entirely like a child of
God, and the Lord said to me, Fear nothing. What has been forbidden to others
has been given to you. The graces that are not given to other souls to discern,
not even from a distance, nourish you every day, like the daily bread.
1754 Consider, My daughter, Who it is to whom your heart is so closely united
by the vows. Before I made the world, I loved you with the love your heart is
experiencing today and, throughout the centuries, My love will never change.
1755 Application. At the very thought of Him to whom my heart is wedded, my
soul entered into profound recollection, and the hour passed like a minute. In
this state of recollection, I came to know the attributes of God. Burning with an
inner fire of love, I went out to the garden to cool off; when I looked up at the
heavens, a new flame of love flooded my heart.
1756 Then I heard the words: My daughter, have you exhausted the subject I
gave you? If so, I'll give you a new one. I answered, "O Infinite Majesty,
eternity will not be enough for me to come to know You... But my love for You
has become more intense. As a token of gratitude, I lay my heart at Your feet,
like a rosebud. May its fragrance delight Your Divine Heart, now and for
eternity... What a paradise it is for a soul when the heart knows itself to be so
loved by God..."
1757 Today, you will read chapter fifteen of the Gospel of Saint John. I want
you to read it very slowly. Second Meditation.
1758 My daughter, consider the life of God which is found in the Church for the
salvation and the sanctification of your soul. Consider the use that you make of
these treasures of grace, of these efforts of My love.
1759 Application: O most compassionate Jesus, I have not always known how
to profit from these priceless gifts, because I have paid too little attention to the
gift itself and too much to the vessel in which You were giving me Your gifts. My
most sweet Master, it will be different from now on. I will put Your gifts to the
best use of which my soul is capable. Living faith will support me. Whatever the
form might be, under which You send me Your grace, I will accept it as coming
directly from You, without considering the vessel in which You send it. If it will
not always be within my power to accept it with joy, I will always accept it with
submission to Your holy will. Conference on Spiritual Warfare.
1760 My daughter, I want to teach you about spiritual warfare. Never trust in
yourself, but abandon yourself totally to My will. In desolation, darkness and
various doubts, have recourse to Me and to your spiritual director. He will
always answer you in My name. Do not bargain with any temptation; lock
yourself immediately in My Heart and, at the first opportunity, reveal the
temptation to the confessor. Put your self-love in the last place, so that it does
not taint your deeds. Bear with yourself with great patience. Do not neglect
interior mortifications. Always justify to yourself the opinions of your superiors
and of your confessor. Shun murmurers like a plague. Let all act as they like;
you are to act as I want you to. Observe the rule as faithfully as you can. If someone causes you trouble, think
what good you can do for the person who caused you to suffer. Do not pour
out your feelings. Be silent when you are rebuked. Do not ask everyone's
opinion, but only the opinion of your confessor; be as frank and simple as a child
with him. Do not become discouraged by ingratitude. Do not examine with
curiosity the roads down which I lead you. When boredom and discouragement
beat against your heart, run away from yourself and hide in My heart. Do not
fear struggle; courage itself often intimidates temptations, and they dare not
attack us. Always fight with the deep conviction that I am with you. Do not be guided by
feeling, because it is not always under your control; but all merit lies in the will.
Always depend upon your superiors, even in the smallest things. I will not
delude you with prospects of peace and consolations; on the contrary, prepare
for great battles. Know that you are now on a great stage where all heaven and
earth are watching you. Fight like a knight, so that I can reward you. Do not be
unduly fearful, because you are not alone. Second Day.
1761 My daughter, today consider My Sorrowful Passion in all its immensity.
Consider it as if it had been undertaken for your sake alone.
1762 Application: When I began to immerse myself in the Divine Passion, the
great worth of the human soul and the great evil of sin were revealed to me. I
understood that I did not know how to suffer. In order to gain merit for my
suffering, I will unite myself more closely, in suffering, to the Passion of the Lord
Jesus, asking of Him grace for dying souls, so that the mercy of God may
embrace them in this grave moment. Second Meditation.
1763 My daughter, consider the rule and the vows which you have offered to
Me. You know how highly I value them; all the graces that I have for the souls
of religious are connected with the rule and the vows.
1764 Application: O my Jesus, I feel guilty of many imperfections on this score
but, by Your grace, I do not recall any conscious and voluntary transgression of
the rule or the religious vows. Continue to guard me, O my good Jesus, for of
myself I am weak.
1765 Today, My daughter, for your reading you shall take chapter nineteen of
Saint John's Gospel, and read it, not only with your lips, but with your heart...
1766 During this reading, my soul was filled with deep repentance. I saw all the
ingratitude of creatures toward their Creator and Lord; I asked God to protect
me from spiritual blindness. Conference on Sacrifice and Prayer.
1767 My daughter, I want to instruct you on how you are to rescue souls
through sacrifice and prayer. You will save more souls through prayer and
suffering than will a missionary through his teachings and sermons alone. I want
to see you as a sacrifice of living love, which only then carries weight before Me.
You must be annihilated, destroyed, living as if you were dead in the most secret
depths of your being. You must be destroyed in that secret depth where the
human eye has never penetrated; then will I find in you a pleasing sacrifice, a
holocaust full of sweetness and fragrance. And great will be your power for
whomever you intercede. Outwardly, your sacrifice must look like this: silent,
hidden, permeated with love, imbued with prayer. I demand, My daughter, that
your sacrifice be pure and full of humility, that I may find pleasure in it. I will not
spare My grace, that you may be able to fulfill what I demand of you. I will now instruct you on what your holocaust shall consist of, in everyday life,
so as to preserve you from illusions. You shall accept all sufferings with love. Do
not be afflicted if your heart often experiences repugnance and dislike for
sacrifice. All its power rests in the will, and so these contrary feelings, far from
lowering the value of the sacrifice in My eyes, will enhance it. Know that your
body and soul will often be in the midst of fire. Although you will not feel My
presence on some occasions, I will always be with you. Do not fear; My grace
will be with you... Third Day.
1768 My daughter, in this meditation, consider the love of neighbor. Is your love
for your neighbor guided by My love? Do you pray for your enemies? Do you
wish well to those who have, in one way or another, caused you sorrow or
offended you? Know that whatever good you do to any soul, I accept it as if you had done it to
Me.
1769 Application: O Jesus, my Love, You know that it has only been for a short
while that I have acted toward my neighbor guided solely by Your love. You
alone know of my efforts to do this. It comes to me more easily now, but if You
Yourself did not kindle that love in my soul, I would not be able to persevere in
this. This is due to Your Eucharistic love which daily sets me afire. Second Meditation.
1770 Now you shall consider My love in the Blessed Sacrament. Here, I am
entirely yours, soul, body and divinity, as your Bridegroom. You know what
love demands: one thing only, reciprocity...
1771 Application: O my Jesus, You know that I desire to love You with a love
that no soul has ever before loved You with. I would like the whole world to be
transformed into love for You, my Betrothed. You feed me with the honey and
milk of Your Heart. From my earliest years, You reared me for Yourself alone,
so that I would know how to love You now. You know that I love You,
because You alone know the depth of the sacrifice I offer You each day.
1772 Jesus said to me, My daughter, have you any difficulties in this retreat? I
answered that I hadn't. In this retreat, my mind is like lightning. I penetrate all the
mysteries of faith with great ease. My Master and Leader, all darkness
disappears from my mind under the ray of Your light.
1773 Today, for your spiritual reading, you will take the Gospel of Saint John,
chapter twenty-one. Let if feed your heart more than your mind.
1774 + During the June devotions, the Lord said to me, My daughter, My favor
rests in your heart. When on Holy Thursday I left Myself in the Blessed
Sacrament, you were very much on My mind.
1775 After these words, my love made great efforts to express to Him what He
was to me, but I was at a loss for words and burst into tears in my helplessness.
And Jesus said, For you, I am mercy itself; therefore I ask you to offer Me your
misery and this very helplessness of yours and, in this way, you will delight My Heart.
1776 Today, a living flame of divine love entered my soul; if it had lasted any
longer, I would have been consumed by the fire, freeing myself of the bonds of
the present. It seemed to me that, if it had lasted an instant longer, I would have
been drowned in the ocean of love. I cannot describe these arrows of love that
pierce my soul. + Conference on Mercy.
1777 My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy,
graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has
ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy,
and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain. My daughter, I
desire that your heart be an abiding place of My mercy. I desire that this mercy
flow out upon the whole world through your heart. Let no one who approaches
you go away without that trust in My mercy which I so ardently desire for souls. Pray as much as you can for the dying. By your entreaties, obtain for them trust
in My mercy, because they have most need of trust, and have it the least. Be
assured that the grace of eternal salvation for certain souls in their final moment
depends on your prayer. You know the whole abyss of My mercy, so draw
upon it for yourself and especially for poor sinners. Sooner would heaven and
earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul.
1778 My resolution continues to be the same: to unite myself to Christ-Mercy. Conclusion of the Retreat. Last Conversation with the Lord.
1779 Thank you, Eternal Love, for Your inconceivable kindness to me, that
You would occupy Yourself directly with my sanctification. - My daughter, let
three virtues adorn you in a particular way: humility, purity of intention and love.
Do nothing beyond what I demand of you, and accept everything that My hand
gives you. Strive for a life of recollection so that you can hear My voice, which
is so soft that only recollected souls can hear it...
1780 I could not sleep until midnight today, so deeply was I stirred by
tomorrow's renewal of vows. The greatness of God embraced my whole being. Pentecost [June 5, 1938]. Renewal of Vows.
1781 I got up how much earlier than usual and went to the chapel, steeping
myself in the love of God. Before receiving Holy Communion, I silently renewed
my religious vows. After Holy Communion, the infinite love of God swept over
me. My soul was in communion with the Holy Spirit, who is the same Lord as
the Father and the Son. His breath filled my soul with such delight that it would
be useless for me to try to give even a faint idea of what my heart experienced.
Throughout the whole day, wherever I was and regardless of with whom I
talked, a vivid presence of God accompanied me; my soul was drowned in
thanksgiving for these great graces.
1782 + When I went out to the garden today, the Lord said to me, Return to
your room, for I will be waiting for you there. As soon as I returned, I saw the
Lord Jesus, sitting at the table and waiting for me. He looked at me kindly and
said, My daughter, I want you to write now, because that walk would not have
been in conformity with My will. I remained alone and immediately got down to writing.
1783 + When I immersed myself in prayer and united myself with all the Masses
that were being celebrated all over the world at that time, I implored God, for
the sake of all these Holy Masses, to have mercy on the world and especially on
poor sinners who were dying at that moment. At the same instant, I received an
interior answer from God that a thousand souls had received grace through the
prayerful mediation I had offered to God. We do not know the number of souls
that is ours to save through our prayers and sacrifices; therefore, let us always
pray for sinners.
1784 Today, in the course of a long conversation, the Lord said to me, How
very much I desire the salvation of souls! My dearest secretary, write that I want
to pour out My divine life into human souls and sanctify them, if only they were
willing to accept My grace. The greatest sinners would achieve great sanctity, if
only they would trust in My mercy. The very inner depths of My being are filled
to overflowing with mercy, and it is being poured out upon all I have created.
My delight is to act in a human soul and to fill it with My mercy and to justify it.
My kingdom on earth is My life in the human soul. Write, My secretary, that I
Myself am the spiritual guide of souls-and I guide them indirectly through the
priest, and lead each one to sanctity by a road known to Me alone.
1785 Mother Superior [Irene] visited me today, but only for a short while.
When she looked around, she said that everything was too pretty here. It is true,
the sisters are trying to make my stay in the sanatorium pleasant. But all this
beauty does not lessen my sacrifice, which God alone can see and which will
cease only when my heart stops beating. Neither the beauty of the whole earth,
nor even of heaven itself, can blur the torture of my soul, which is real at each
moment though so deeply interior. It will end when You Yourself, Author of my
suffering, say, "Enough." There is nothing that could lessen my sacrifice. First Friday after Corpus Christi. [June 17, 1938]
1786 Right away, on the Friday after Corpus Christi, I felt so unwell that I
thought the longed-for moment was approaching. I had a high fever and spat up
much blood during the night. Yet, I did go to receive the Lord Jesus in the
morning, but I could not stay for the Holy Mass. In the afternoon, my
temperature dropped suddenly to 35.8° C. I felt so weak that it was as if
everything inside me were dying. But when I steeped myself in profound prayer,
I understood that it was not yet the moment of deliverance, but only a closer call
from my Bridegroom.
1787 When I met with the Lord, I said to Him, "You are fooling me, Jesus; You
show me the open gate of heaven, and again You leave me on earth." The Lord
said to me, When, in heaven, you see these present days, you will rejoice and
will want to see as many of them as possible. I am not surprised, My daughter,
that you cannot understand this now, because your heart is overflowing with
pain and longing for Me. Your vigilance pleases Me. Let My word be enough
for you; it will not be long now. And my soul found itself once again in exile. I lovingly united myself to the will of
God, submitting myself to His gracious decrees.
1788 + The conversations that I hear in this place about worldly matters make
me so tired that I nearly faint. The sisters who nurse me have noticed this,
because it shows outwardly.
1789 + Today 253 I saw the glory of God which flows from the image. Many
souls are receiving graces, although they do not speak of it openly. Even though
it has met up with all sorts of vicissitudes, God is receiving glory because of it;
and the efforts of Satan and of evil men are shattered and come to naught. In
spite of Satan's anger, The Divine Mercy will triumph over the whole world and
will be worshiped by all souls.
1790 I have come to know that, in order for God to act in a soul, it must give up
acting on its own; otherwise, God will not carry out His will in it.
1791 When a great storm was approaching, I began to say the chaplet.
Suddenly I heard the voice of an angel: "I cannot approach in this storm,
because the light which comes from her mouth drives back both me and the
storm." Such was the angel's complaint to God. I then recognized how much
havoc he was to have made through this storm; but I also recognized that this
prayer was pleasing to God, and that this chaplet was most powerful.
1792 I learned that a certain soul was very pleasing to God and that, in spite of
all sorts of persecutions, God was clothing this person in a new and higher
dignity. My heart greatly rejoiced in this.
1793 The moments which are most pleasant to me are those when I converse
with the Lord within the center of my being. I try my very best not to leave Him
alone. He likes to be always with us...
1794 + O Jesus, eternal God, thank You for Your countless graces and
blessings. Let every beat of my heart be a new hymn of thanksgiving to You, O
God. Let every drop of my blood circulate for You, Lord. My soul is one hymn
in adoration of Your mercy. I love You, God, for Yourself alone.
1795 My God, although my sufferings are great and protracted, I accept them
from Your hands as magnificent gifts. I accept them all, even the ones that other
souls have refused to accept. You can come to me with everything, my Jesus; I
will refuse You nothing. I ask You for only one thing: give me the strength to
endure them and grant that they may be meritorious. Here is my whole being; do
with me as You please.
1796 Today, 254 I saw the Sacred Heart of Jesus in the sky, in the midst of a
great brilliance. The rays were issuing from the Wound [in His side] and
spreading out over the entire world.
1797 Today, the Lord came to me and said, My daughter, help Me to save
souls. You will go to a dying sinner, and you will continue to recite the chaplet,
and in this way you will obtain for him trust in My mercy, for he is already in despair.
1798 Suddenly, I found myself in a strange cottage where an elderly man was
dying amidst great torments. All about the bed was a multitude of demons and
the family, who were crying. When I began to pray, the spirits of darkness fled,
with hissing and threats directed at me. The soul became calm and, filled with
trust, rested in the Lord. At the same moment, I found myself again in my own room. How this happens... I do not know. +
1799 J.M.J. I feel that there is a power which is defending me and protecting
me from the blows of the enemy. It guards and defends me. I feel it very
distinctly; it is as if I am being shielded by the shadow of His wings.
1800 My Jesus, You alone are good. Even if my heart were to make every
effort to write of Your goodness, at least in part, I could not do so-this is
beyond all our comprehension.
1801 One day during Holy Mass, the Lord gave me a deeper knowledge of His
holiness and His majesty, and at the same time I saw my own misery. This
knowledge made me happy, and my soul drowned itself completely in His
mercy. I felt enormously happy.
1802 On the following day, I had a clear awareness of the following words:
"You see, God is so holy, and you are sinful. Do not approach Him, and go to
Confession every day." And indeed, whatever I thought of seemed to me to be
a sin. But I did not omit going to Holy Communion, and I resolved to go to
Confession at the prescribed time, as I had no clear impediment. But when the
day for confession came, I prepared a whole mass of those sins of which I was
to accuse myself. However, in the confessional, God allowed me to accuse
myself of only two imperfections, despite my efforts to make a confession
according to what I had prepared. When I left the confessional, the Lord said to
me, My daughter, all those sins you intended to confess are not sins in My eyes;
that is why I took away your ability to tell them. I understood that Satan,
wanting to disturb my peace, has been giving me exaggerated thoughts. O
Savior, how great is Your goodness!
1803 One day, when I was preparing for Holy Communion and noticed that I
had nothing to offer Him, I fell at His feet, calling down all His mercy upon my
poor soul: "May Your grace, which flows down upon me from Your
Compassionate Heart, strengthen me for the struggle and sufferings, that I may
remain faithful to You. And, although I am such misery, I do not fear You,
because I know Your mercy well. Nothing will frighten me away from You, O
God, because everything is so much less than what I know [Your mercy to
be]-I see that clearly. [Here ends the sixth and last notebook] Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website Divine Mercy in My Soul Diary - Sr. Faustina
Preparation for Holy Communion
1804 + J.M.J. Cracow, January 10, 1938 My Preparation for Holy Communion Sister Mary Faustina of the Blessed Sacrament Congregation of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy The most solemn moment of my life is the moment when I receive Holy Communion. I long for each Holy Communion, and for every Holy Communion I give thanks to the Most Holy Trinity. If the angels were capable of envy, they would envy u for two things: one is the
receiving of Holy Communion and the other is suffering.
1805 1. + Today, I am preparing myself for Your coming as bride does for the
coming of her bridegroom. He is great Lord, this Bridegroom of mine. The
heaven cannot contain Him. The Seraphim who stand closest to Him cover their
faces and repeat unceasingly: Holy Holy, Holy. This great Lord is my Bridegroom. It is to Him that the Choirs sing. It is before
Him that the Thrones bow down. By His splendor the sun is eclipsed. And yet
this great Lord is my Bridegroom. My heart, desist from this profound
meditation on how others adore Him, for you no longer have time for that, as He
is coming and i1 already at your door.
1806 I go out to meet Him, and I invite Him to the dwelling place of my heart,
humbling myself profoundly before His majesty. But the Lord lifts me up from
the dust and invites me, as His bride, to sit next to Him and to tell Him
everything that is on my heart. And 1, set at east by His kindness, lean my head
on His breast and tell Him of everything. In the first place, I tell Him things
would never tell to any creature. And then, I speak about the needs of the
Church, about the souls of poor sinners and about how much they have need of
His mercy. But the time passes quickly. Jesus, I must go t carry out the duties
that are awaiting me. Jesus tells me that there is still a moment in which to say
farewell. deep mutual gaze, and we seemingly separate for while; but, in reality,
we never do. Our hearts are constantly united. Though outwardly I am
distracted b my various duties, the presence of Jesus plunges me constantly in
profound recollection.
1807 2. + Today, my preparation for the coming of Jesus is brief, but imprinted
deeply with vehement love. The presence of God penetrates me and sets aflame
my love for Him. There are no words; there is only interior understanding. I
drown completely in God, through love. The Lord approaches the dwelling of
my heart. After receiving Communion, I have just enough presence of mind to
return to my kneeler. At the same time, my soul is completely lost in God, and I
no longer know what is going on about me. God gives me an interior knowledge
of His Divine Being. These moments are short, but penetrating. The soul leaves
the chapel in profound recollection, and it is not easy to distract it. At such
times, I touch the ground with only one foot, as it were. No sacrifice throughout
such a day is either difficult or burdensome. Every situation evokes a new act of
love.
1808 3. + Today, I invite Jesus to my heart, as Love. You are Love itself. All
heaven catches the flame from You and is filled with love. And so my soul
covets You as a flower yearns for the sun. Jesus, hasten to my heart, for You
see that, as the flower is eager for the sun, so my heart is for You. I open the
calyx of my heart to receive Your love.
1809 When Jesus came to my heart, everything in my soul trembled with life and
with warmth. Jesus, take the love from my heart and pour into it Your love,
Your love which is burning and radiant, which knows how to bear each
sacrifice, which knows how to forget itself completely. Today, my day is marked by sacrifice...
1810 4. + Today, I Prepare for the Coming of the King. What am I, and who are You, O Lord, King of eternal glory? O my heart, are
you aware of who is coming to you today? Yes, I know, but - strangely - I am
not able to grasp it. Oh, if He were just a king, but He is the King of kings, the
Lord of lords. Before Him, all power and dominion tremble. He is coming to my
heart today. But I hear Him approaching. I go out to meet Him and invite Him.
When He entered the dwelling of my heart, it was filled with such reverence that
it fainted with fear, falling at His feet. Jesus gives her His hand and graciously
permits her to take her place beside Him. He reassures her, saying, See, I have
left My heavenly throne to become united with you. What you see is just a tiny
part and already your soul swoons with love. How amazed will your heart be
when you see Me in all My glory.
1811 But I want to tell you that eternal life must begin already , here on earth
through Holy Communion. Each Holy Communion makes you more capable of
communing with God throughout eternity. And so, my King, I do not ask You for anything, although I know that You can
give me everything. I ask You for one thing only: remain forever the King of my
heart; that is enough for me.
1812 Today I am renewing my act of submission to my King, by faithfulness to
interior inspirations.
1813 5. + Today, I am not forcing myself to make any special preparation. I
cannot think of anything, though I feel many things. I long for the time when God
will come to my heart. I throw myself in His arms and tell Him about my inability
and my misery. I pour out all the pain of my heart, for not being able to love Him
as much as I want. I arouse within myself acts of faith, hope and charity and live
on that throughout the day.
1814 6. + Today, my preparation is brief. A strong and living faith nearly tears
away the veil of love. The presence of God penetrates my heart as a ray from
the sun penetrates crystal. At the moment when I receive God, all my being is
steeped in Him. Amazement and admiration overwhelm me when I see God's
great majesty, which stoops down to me who am misery itself. There bursts
forth from my soul immense gratitude to Him for all the graces that He imparts to
me, and especially for the grace of being called to His exclusive service.
1815 7. + Today, in Holy Communion, I want to unite myself to Jesus as closely
as possible, through love. I yearn for God so ardently that it seems to me that
the moment will never come when the priest will give me Holy Communion. My
soul falls as if into a swoon because of my longing for God.
1816 When I received Him into my heart, the veil of faith was torn away. I saw
Jesus who said to me, My daughter, your love compensates Me for the
coldness of many souls. After these words, I was once again alone, but
throughout the whole day I lived in an act of reparation.
1817 8. + Today, I feel an abyss of misery in my soul. I want to approach Holy
Communion as a fountain of mercy and to drown myself completely in this
ocean of love. When I received Jesus, I threw my self into Him as into an abyss of
unfathomable mercy. And the more I felt I was misery itself, the stronger grew
my trust in Him. In this abasement, I passed the whole day.
1818 9. + Today, my soul has the disposition of a child. I unite myself to God as
a child to its father. I feel completely like a child of God.
1819 When I had received Holy Communion, I had a deeper knowledge of the
heavenly Father and of His Fatherhood in relation to souls. Today I live, glorifying the Holy Trinity. I thank God that He has deigned to
adopt us as His children, through grace.
1820 10. + Today, I want to be transformed, whole and entire, into the love of
Jesus and to offer myself, together with Him, to the Heavenly Father. During Holy Mass, I saw the Infant Jesus in the chalice, and He said to me, I am
dwelling in your heart as you see Me in this chalice.
1821 After Holy Communion, I felt the beating of the Heart of Jesus in my own
heart. Although I have been aware, for a long time, that Holy Communion
continues in me until the next Communion, today - and throughout the whole day
- I am adoring Jesus in my heart and asking Him, by His grace, to protect little
children from the evil that threatens them. A vivid and even physically felt
presence of God continues throughout the day and does not in the least interfere
with my duties.
1822 11. + Today, my soul desires to show, in a special way, its love to Jesus.
When the Lord entered my heart, I threw myself down at His feet like a
rosebud. I want the fragrance of my love to rise continually to the foot of Your
throne. You see, Jesus, in this rosebud, all my heart [offered] to You, not only
now when my heart is burning like a live coal, but also during the day, when I
will give You proofs of my love by faithfulness to divine grace. Today, all the difficulties and sufferings that I will encounter, I will quickly seize,
like rosebuds, to throw at the feet of Jesus. Little matter that the hand, or rather
the heart, bleeds...
1823 12. + Today, my soul is preparing for the coming of my Savior, who is
goodness and love itself. Temptations and distractions torment me and do not let
me prepare for the coming of the Lord. Therefore I desire even more ardently to
receive You, Lord, because I know that when You come, You will rescue me
from these torments. And if it is Your will that I should suffer, well then, fortify
me for the struggle. Jesus, Savior, who have deigned to come into my heart, drive away these
distractions which are keeping me from talking to You. Jesus answered me, I want you to become like a knight experienced in battle,
who can give orders to others amid the exploding shells. In the same way, My
child, you should know how to master yourself amid the greatest difficulties, and
let nothing drive you away from Me, not even your falls. Today, I have been struggling all day long with a certain difficulty about which
You, Jesus, know...
1824 13. + Today, my heart trembles with joy. I desire very much that Jesus
come to my heart. My longing heart is inflamed with an ever-increasing love. When Jesus came, I threw myself into His arms like a little child. I told Him of
my joy. Jesus listened to these outpourings of my love. When I asked pardon of
Jesus for not preparing myself for Holy Communion, but for continually thinking
of sharing in this joy as soon as possible, He answered that Most pleasing to Me
is this preparation with which you have received Me into your heart. Today, in a
special way I bless this your joy. Nothing will disturb that joy throughout this
day...
1825 14. + Today, my soul is preparing for the coming of the Lord, who can do
all things, who can make me perfect and holy. I am preparing very carefully for
His reception, but there arose the difficulty as to how to present this to Him? I
rejected it [this difficulty] at once. I will present it as my heart dictates.
1826 When I had received Jesus in Holy Communion, my heart cried out with
all its might, "Jesus, transform me into another host! I want to be a living host for
You. You are a great and all-powerful Lord; You can grant me this favor." And
the Lord answered me, You are a living host, pleasing to the Heavenly Father.
But reflect: What is a host? A sacrifice. And so...? O my Jesus, I understand the meaning of "host," the meaning of sacrifice. I
desire to be before Your Majesty a living host; that is, a living sacrifice that daily
burns in Your honor. When my strength begins to fail, it is Holy Communion that will sustain me and
give me strength. Indeed, I fear the day on which I would not receive Holy
Communion. My soul draws astonishing strength from Holy Communion. O living Host, light of my soul!
1827 15. + Today, my soul is preparing for Holy Communion as for a wedding
feast, wherein all the participants are resplendent with unspeakable beauty. And
I, too, have been invited to this banquet, but I do not see that beauty within
myself, only an abyss of misery. And, although I do not feel worthy of sitting
down to table, I will however slip under the table, at the feet of Jesus, and will
beg for the crumbs that fall from the table. Knowing Your mercy, I therefore
approach You, Jesus, for sooner will I run out of misery than will the
compassion of Your Heart exhaust itself. That is why during this day I will keep
arousing trust in The Divine Mercy.
1828 16. + Today, the Majesty of God is surrounding me. There is no way that
I can help myself to prepare better. I am thoroughly enwrapped in God. My
soul is being inflamed by His love. I only know that I love and am loved. That is
enough for me. I am trying my best to be faithful throughout the day to the Holy
Spirit and to fulfill His demands. I am trying my best for interior silence in order
to be able to hear His voice... Notebook I: 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 Notebook I:301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521 Notebook II: 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 Notebook II:801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000 Notebook III: 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230 Notebook IV: 1231-1321 Notebook V: 1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550
1551-1589 Notebook VI: 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803 Preperation for Holy Communion: 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul (c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA
01263. Used with permission.
To purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the Immaculate Conception website |