Beatle Fiction
John was in the corner playing a new song. How�s it going, asked Ringo, passing John a �cigarette�. John took it from him. �Up all night and now writing songs at 10am, this is crazy�. Tell me about it, thought Ringo. �It feels like deja vue� he said, tapping out a rhythm on the chair to accompany the song. John grabbed some paper and started writing down lyrics. �And our next hit will be...�
The door swung open, it was Brian. �Darling!� said John, through the smoke. Ringo was in a world of his own. Brian sat down and tapped his foot as John played. As he sang, he was both serious and cynical, and kept looking over at Brian. �Where are the others� asked Brian. �Having fun probably� ... �Or asleep� finished Ringo.
John looked at the tv. �And in London with one of her shows, the avante garde artiste Yoko Ono�. He wondered if he�d ever meet a woman like her. Not while he was stuck in this room. With Ringo and Brian. �I�d like to see one of her shows� said John �when we�re not so busy�. �Paul�s already been� quipped Ringo. John stopped playing abruptly. �When?� Ringo told him. John was secretly envious. �Paul was always the cultured one� he replied, sarcastically.
If only people knew most of John�s songs were bitter messages to Paul, dressed up as love songs. Ringo went off and Brian sat in his chair. John continued the song, singing directly at him. �So go and see her� he suggested. John chewed his gum. �I could make a call�. John kept strumming. �She�d never look at me� he said. �I thought you were interested in her art?� That was hypocritical coming from Brian. �So you don�t fancy any of those painter blokes� said John. �Their art is what�s attractive about them surely�. John was too clever for Brian. "We�re not talking about me�.
�What did Paul say about her� wondered John aloud. Ringo returned. �Don�t tell him!� He said, joking. �She�s very polite, some would say intense� said Brian. John liked the sound of her. �I�ll go� he said. Ringo shook his head. �John shall go to the ball�.
John left the room, he was glad to leave them and be alone for a few seconds. And it was embarrassing the rest of the band would now know he liked her. Ringo would tell them. Ringo appeared in the corridor. Still in a world of his own. �See you later� he said, and disappeared. �Not if I see you first� said John.
Brian was watching tv. John stood in the doorway. �You should ring Cynthia� said Brian. �I will� said John. �Are things ok?� John didn�t like Brian�s father act. �Brian, I spend more time with you, what do you think� ... �I don�t want you making any rash decisions� continued Brian. �As if I could do that� replied John. �Even if I wanted to�. �Meaning?� John was silent. There probably wasn�t anyone in the world he could talk to right now.
�You should take Cynthia on holiday�. That was the last thing John wanted. �I�ll see about tickets for the art show and you think about it�. Brian was manipulating again. John stared at the tv, feeling empty. �Forget the tickets�. He really meant, forget the holiday. Brian returned from phoning the art gallery. �Out of luck anyway I�m afraid, last show today, no chance of getting in�.
John knew he could just turn up but even getting out of the hotel seemed hard, he�d be mobbed. And people would talk. He knew what going to the show would mean.
Maybe one day.
November 2000 4.30am
Trying to find worth in something
Most people find worth in nothing
It's all meaningless to me
Feeling empty but I never express it like they do
With their self pity
Can't think of the words to describe how it feels
Because none of this is real
So in every waking hour do something
To occupy your brain
TV or computer then sleep again
Untitled
ice cold lager down the back of your throat
reminds me of blackpool 1988
such a long time ago
were we really young
why did I feel so old
why did I never relate to them
from being small
neither did you
that's what we've
got in common
we were never gonna be
anything else
but ourselves
Undated
documentaries
teach me something I didn't already know
about someone elses life in a different time
switch over and turn back to the same
next time it's on watch it again
September 2001
the suits are on the tv
live from japan
crazy men
kurt is on the cd
blocks out the talk of war
nothing like I've heard before
and nothing's going to be the same again
he can wipe out a nation
with the stroke of a pen
crazy men
wipe out reality with a guitar
he doesn't have to fight anymore
peace will only exist with death
Adoration
You�re locked in a nightmare
Everyone says you�re fab
Don�t they know
They�re driving you mad
You�re still the same no-one
That wakes up every day
Being a hero�s supposed to
Take it away
They act like something�s different
The problem�s with them
Your new found friends
When they scream
What do they mean
When did you become
Their king or queen
None of it means anything
Like it should have been
Another love letter
It�s almost obscene
[poems by alienated]
Lyrically Speaking
Girlfriend in a coma
There were times when I could have strangled her
But you know I would hate anything to happen to her
[morrissey]
My love for you would break my heart in 2
If you should fall into my arms
Under the moonlight, the serious moonlight
[bowie]
Thru the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you, with or without you
I can't live with or without you
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
You got me with nothing left to lose
[U2]
You don't want to hurt me
Baby don't worry I ain't gonna let you
My love is strong enough
To last when things get tough, it's magic
You say that I waste my time
But I can't get you off my mind
[erasure takes on abba]
So why so sad, you live and you love
So why so sad, dependent on above
Searching for the dead sea scrolls
So why, so why so sad
[wire]
It's always tease tease tease
You're happy when I'm on my knees
One day it's fine the next it's black
[the clash]
You have the right to free speech
As long as you ain't dumb enough to actually try it
Roses in the hospital this century achieved so much
Roses in the hospital to make a voice no voice at all
Roses in the hospital flowers can not express the loss
Roses in the hospital torn reflections of burnt out trash
[msp]
Facing twenty thousand of your friends
How can anyone be so lonely
Part of a success that never ends
Still I'm thinking about you only
There are moments when I think I'm going crazy
But it's gonna be alright
Everything will be so different
When I'm on the stage tonight
[Abba]
I don't believe in Beatles I just believe in me
Yoko and me and that's reality
The dream is over, what can I say?
The dream is over, yesterday
I was the dream-weaver but now I'm reborn
I was the walrus but now I'm John
And so dear friends you'll just have to carry on
The dream is over
[Lennon]
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