Windows 3.11 code

Author Unknown...
I have hacked into Microsoft and stolen their Windows 3.11 code and here it is. I am sure that they would love any
improvements for the next version.
 
 

#include
#include
#include

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

main()
{
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);

set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);

printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right or just call it Chicago)\n");

if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

while(1)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);

if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
}