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The names of the Specialist and Customer in this transcribed conversation have been changed to protect the guilty. This is the kind of call you can expect when you have one minute left on your 4 hour phone shift for which you've already taken 17 calls.
S: Hello, what can we do for you today?
C: What name? [The Voice answers back in a Chinese accent.]
S: [Relunctantly] My name is ____ ______.
C: [spelling in the background, then] T'ank you.
S: How can I help you today?
C: My system broke. [Pause]
S: What seems to be the problem?
C: It no work. Need Data Base up soon.
S: Oh, ah ... What Operating System are you using?
C: We no hospital!
S: Ah ... An Operating System is the program that makes the computer
work. You do have a computer, don't you [trying to liven up the conversation].
C: Of course, that why me call.
S: Well, what kind of computer do you have?
C: A broken one, it no work, that why me call.
S: Does it Boot Up okay? [Probing for any clues.]
C: This no shoe store!
S: Of course, "Boot Up" is another computer term, meaning to start
the system, to "bring it up".
C: We bring it down.
S: Huh?
C: We in basement.
S: Oh ... Can you give me some more details of the problem, when did
it last work?
C: It work Friday, no work today. [Today is Monday, of course.]
S: Did you do anything different between Friday and today?
C: Yes. [Pause]
S: Could you tell me what you did different?
C: Me no think she would like me to tell.
S: I mean with the computer.
C: Do IT with computer, you in Californiaor something?
S: No, what I meant to say was, did you "turn it on" [oops]... I mean,
start it the same way you did Friday?
C: No. [Pause]
S: What did you do different?
C: Me try start it. [Pause]
S: You didn't try to start it Friday?
C: Of course not, Herby did it.
S: Can I talk to Herby. [Hoping that an opening has been made.]
C: Me no think so, but me new to this country.
S: Is anyone else there that I could talk to?
C: Me the technical person, what you want to know ...[starting to get
angry he continues] The computer work Friday, no work today ...[some Chinese
words better left untranslated, and then, calming down]
Please, you must help, boss real mad if he come and computer no work.
S: Will Herby be in a little later? [Still hoping for that opening.]
C: No, Herby died.
S: Oh, sorry to hear that.
C: It okay, me no like him anyway.
S: Did Herby leave any instructions?
C: No, they in car when he hit water tower.
S: Oh, were you able to recover the instructions?
C: No, he had in head. But I did dry off everything.
S: It was pretty wet out there?
C: No, down here, we in basement. You no remember?
S: Of course ... It was wet in the basement, with the computer equipment?
C: That what I say, can't you help me get computer working?
S: Have you thought of calling Field service? [Trying to pawn him off]
C: They leave your numbers on terminal last month, I call you.
S: Field Service worked on your system last month, do you know who
they were? [Thinking to call them her/him-self]
C: Bob and Phil.
S: Have you contacted them?
C: They contracted enough, they from California.
S: Well, it sounds like your computer got wet and it's not working
now, is that the case?
C: You slow, aren't you?
S: Sometimes ... But is this what has happen?
C: Yes, but it all dry now, still no work. [In background you heard
someone shouting to someone else to move the fan to the other side of the
disk drive and to wring outthe towels by the console.]
S: I think you first need to contact the hardware people and have them
check out the computer. Electronic equipment can be very sensitive to...
C: Always blame hardware, and hardware blame software.
S: I really believe the first problem may be hardware, we could help
you with the software once we know the hardware is working right.
C: You know CICS? I need talk expert.
S: CICS ... Isn't that an IBM Data Base?
C: Of course, you slow. It no work now. You software support, you help
software work, right?
S: Yes, but I work for ...
C: [Cutting in again] Enough, me want to talk to your manager.
S: But we're not even the right office ...
C: Enough, you too slow, me need help now, not next week. Me talk to
your manager.
S: I really don't think we could help you, you see we work for DIGITAL
and ...
C: Computer is digital computer, IBM 3033. Me want to talk to manager.
S: Okay, but I don't think ...
C: You no think, you too slow, you no help. Me call other number Bob
put up, expert names Ken Olsen. Me have office and home phone.
S: Ken, but you don't ...
C: Oh, you know Ken, maybe he know more than you, bye, bye.
S: But, but ...
C: Me give Ken your name, tell him you no help, then me get real help.
[Dial tone comes.]
If you were this specialist would you:
(1) Go home sick.
(2) Go home sick and claim you never came in that day.
(3) Plead ignorance when your manager's manager calls
you into his office about half an hour from now.
(4) Drive into the nearest water tower.
(5) Get as many DEC phone numbers as possible and go to work for IBM.
