Back in the main office.
Maggie: "So where'd you bury him. Under the lemon tree?"
Adam shakes his head.
Nick: "In the backyard at the St David's station?"
Adam shakes his head again.
Dash: "So where did you bury old Tom, eh?"
Adam: "In the toilet, boss. No-one will ever look there. No-one ever goes there."
Nick: "The toilet?"
Adam: "Oh yes, boss." That's why it took so long. I had to bring dirt in from the garden to go over the body."
Dash: "So, Einstein. Whatever did you out in the hole in the garden so nobody would get suspicious?"
Adam looks confused.
Adam: "Whole? I didn't think there'd be one."
Dash: "You took dirt out of the garden, and didn't think that would leave a hole?"
Adam: "But it wasn't whole once I took the dirt out, because part was missing, so how could it be complete?"
Dash shakes her head, and mutters something about Adam's IQ being about the same as room temperature. Suddenly a customer comes in and approaches the front desk.
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to report a car return."
Nick: "Good lord, can you not read?" (He points to a cardboard sign on the front desk) "Now, what does that say?"
Customer: "Open for business between 9pm and 11pm daily." I'm terribly sorry. I'll come back later."
Later: Maggie goes outside, and flicks a switch. Above the station a sign flashes in neon letters "COP SHOP. NOW OPEN". Soon after this, the original customer returns, and introduces himself as A Limbo Dancer, still wishing to report a car return. Maggie serves him.
Maggie: So, when was your car returned?
Limbo: I'm not sure. Sometime this morning.
Dash: Disgraceful. Whoever was responsible should be put in jail.
Maggie: Don't worry Limbo. We'll arrange for one of our highly incompetent officers to steal it away again for you.
Now, is that all?
Limbo: Yes.
Maggie: One car theft. That will cost you $50 by EFTPOS, or $550 if your paying cash.
Limbo: Cash, who uses cash these days? Can I have a receipt for that? Tax purposes you know.
Maggie: Of course. Who wants to be investigated for not getting a high tax return?
Dash: You haven't actually paid your tax though have you?
Limbo: Of course I haven't girly. That's why I'll be getting a tax return.
Limbo leaves, and a few more customers come in, and pay for services. That night after closing. Maggie is getting changed into her uniform in the locker room, preparing to go home. PJ Mighty Mouse is having a sunlit dinner of cornflakes and milk with Nick at the Not-so-Copper-Pot. At the station, Adam plays "Write Up a Report on Time" on the computer while Dash adds up the EFTPOS receipts.
Dash: This is terrible. We've made $600 today. Adam, how many times do you need to be told. Undercharge, and give more change.
Adam: Sorry. Please don't add it to my salary.
Dash: It's OK. We'll burn it this time. PJ Mighty Mouse will never have to know.
Adam: So what crimes do we have to do?
Dash: Well, we have 2 car thefts - you can do them, as your the only one without a license.
Adam: And proud of it. Hey, can I hold up the bank a make the deposit at gunpoint?
Dash: We'll do it after we've unlocked the station for the day. Don't forget to load your watergun. That will leave someone to be polite and nice to that elderly man living at the kindergarten - Maggie can do that. No-one would ever expect it. And Nick can take care of making the Johnsons leave their kids at home with a minder.
Adam: Oh, we're going to be so busy! I love it when we're overworked!
Maggie walks out of the lockers, with a letter in her hand.
Maggie: Can you read this for me Dash?
Adam: Oh please, let me read it. I've advanced in reading.
Maggie: What book are you up to?
Adam (proudly): Thomas the Tank Engine.
Maggie hands Adam the letter.
Adam: It's addressed to um... (in a whisper) Tom. We're all going to be turned into red ants.
Dash: What?
Maggie sobs: I don't want to be a red ant. I'm B3. ( As in Bananas in Pyjamas. Maggie reckons she's the third long lost banana)
Adam: And the only ant I can be is Adam Ant.
Dash repeats: What?
Adam: After the cartoon Adam Ant - the most powerful ant in the universe. He starts singing the song...He's mean.
He's tough. And bad guys get it rough. Up and at em, Adam Ant!
Dash: Sorry to shatter your illusions baby, but that was Atom Ant. And you've got the words wrong.
Adam (disappointed): Oh.
Maggie is still crying: How can they make me an ant. I'll protest.
Dash: Let me see that. (she takes the letter from Adam). They're going to make us redundant, bozo.
Adam: Yeah, red and ant.
Dash giggles: No, umemployed.
Maggie: Oh, thank goodness. I've got to ring Dad and tell him I've been promoted.
Adam: So, do we still get to do the wrong thing?
Dash: Um. I don't know. I guess if we aren't working for this side of the law...
Adam: We have to work for the other side?
Maggie: Oh, no. We'll have to do the right thing. What's the vet's number?
Adam: Why?
At this point Nick and PJ return from dinner. They have come to the station to have a few rounds of coffee while playing "Finish the Reports on Time"
Maggie: Cos that bird will be sick.
Adam: Ill eagles. Oh. The poor little birdies. Will they live?...No, wait. I might be in a bird's will.
Nick: Will what.
Adam: Bird's will be done. Learnt that in... somewhere.
PJ: Probably from your Dad, if your mum was a nag.
Adam: Nah, mum was a person, not a horsey.
Tom: It's oh, ate too
Maggie (dialing) 0...8...2.... Ahhh ....it's Tom of the Tim Tams, back fom the dead.
Tom: Oh, ate too many Tim Tams. Feel bad.
PJ: What are you doing here? Your dead. I killed you.
Tom: You killed me?
Nick: The Tim Tams paid him to do it.
Tom: Get me a form.
Adam: Which one?
Tom: The wrongful death one. I can file one within three days of death, and then you aren't allowed to kill me.
PJ: But I already have killed you.
Tom: Oh, well, maybe you have to apologise or unkill me or something.
Dash: You're nuts.
Tom: No, I'm Tom. Or is my name 'Nuts" in the afterlife?
Adam: What comes after life?
Maggie: I think it's the end.
PJ: The end? It can't be. I'm PJ the Mighty Mouse. Here to rule for all eternity.
Dash: I calculated eternity. It finished 3 minutes and 14 seconds ago, counting.
PJ: So this is......
THE END!