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South Park Sounds

South Park Theme

Cartman gets an anal probe

Say did any of you children see the alien space ship last night?
Huh
Yeah fat boy saw it
Eh no that that was just a dream and I'm not fat I'm big boned
Oh was it the ones with the big long heads and the black eyes?
Oh
They took him on their ship
Oh Did they give you an anal probe
Oh
What's an anal probe
That's when they put this big metal hooba-jube up your butt
Whoa they gave you an anal probe Cartman
No I I mean eh why would they do that
Dude they did huh? Aliens stuck stuff up your ass
No
Anal probe
Shut up dildo
Well I gotta get to the cafeteria, you children watch that fat boy now he could be under alien control

Mom kitty's being a dildo
Well then I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with mommy tonight
What

Ready Ike kick the baby
Don't kick the baby
Kick the baby

Dude what does the note say
Holy crap it says she wants to meet me at starks pond after school
Wo maybe you can kiss here
Or slip her the tongue
Mmmmmmm
What how do you know she has a cat

Im gonna make love to you woman, goina lay you down by the fire and cares your womanly body make you moan and perspire, gonna

Ah son of a bitch

Weight Gain 4000

This is sweet the camera crews are setting up and I'm looking totally ribbed, beefcake BEEFCAKE

Thank you Mr. Mayor you know Kathie Lee you are a very special woman I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler Moore way or or special in an extra value meal at happy burger way no, no, no, no I mean special like the song of a, a humming bird as it gets ready to find that female hummingbird and make sweet love to it all night long just two humming birds moaning and, and groaning and, and their bodies caress and touch each other in ecstacy Oh, Kathie Lee, how I love to lay you down and lick every inch of your body with my tongue
What
Kathie Lee you're my sexual fantasy
What Oh God
How 'bout you and me
Uh, Thank you Chef for that heartwarming song
Get together and make sweet love
Thank you Chef
Oh, oh

Dolphins are way smarter than you
If they're so smart why do they live in igloos
Dolphins don't live in igloos that's eskimos
Dolphins eskimos who cares it all a bunch of tree hugging hippy crap

Wo Cartman talk about wide load
Yeah I'm really starting to fill out nicely
You're not filling out nicely, you're fatter than ever
I'm not fat I'm getting in shape
Cartman you're such a fat ass that when you walk down the street people go god damn it that's a big fat ass
No they don't you jealous weekling
God damn that's a big fat ass
Hey

Follow your dreams you can reach your goals I'm living proof, beefcake BEEFCAKE
He needs to run his ass around around the block a few times
Mmm how about a little more of that good loving Chef
Damn woman I just gave you sweet loving 5 minutes ago are you trying to kill me

What's that stuff
Weight gain 4000 it's helping me bulk up
Bulk up to what fat ass
Super fat ass
Hey I don't have to take that kinda crap from you Scrawly weaklings

The Volcano

Hey I'll blow your friggin head off

Mmmm baby everytime that we kiss hot lava everytime that we make love there's lava, hot lava, lava so hot it makes me sweat lava so warm and red and warm Lava Mmmmm.

God damnit don't shoot me

Yeah hippy go back to woodstock if you can't shoot anything
I can shoot you fat ass
I can shoot you too
I'll kill you
I'll fill you full of lead

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

But just remember what I taught you that football is like making love to a really beautiful woman, you can't always score but when you do it makes all the trying worth while

Well you know what they say, you can't teach a gay dog straight tricks

I have'nt seen an englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant
Dude now that is not cool
Sorry sorry

Say what you of all people should be sympathetic
What do you mean
Well you're gay aren't you
What what the hell are you talking about I am not gay
Well you sure do act like it
I just act that way to get chicks dumbass

An elephant makes love to a pig

Tonight is right for love you know I want to touch you where the lights don't go tonight is right for love, love gravy. Expressing love so sweet I want to, keep you burning like a dog in heat tonight is right for love, love graaavvyy. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John
Youuuu tonight ohhhh it's a-right ooooh tonight is right for love, love gravya
Thank you Elton. Tonight is right for love, love graaaaavyyy

There's nothing worse than getting all drunk and waking up the next morning next to a pig

I would never let a woman kick my ass if she tried anything I'd be like ay you get your bitch ass back into the kitchen and make me some pie

Be a man Stan just say ay woman you you shut your mouth and make babies

Yeah if some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I'd be all like ay listen missy why don't you go and knit a sweater before I slap you in the face

If a woman ever gave me crap I'd say ay you go do my laundry
Sit down kid
Yes mam

Yeah if some girl tried to kick my ass I'd be like hey, why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman annnd making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed
Cartman what the hell are you talking about
Im just saying your just a little wuss that's all

Ello gentlemen any of you blokes know what's for lunch today? lunchy munchies hmmm?
Go away Pip, nobody likes you
Yeah, what kind of name is Pip anyway?
Well, my father's family name being Pilip, and my Christian name being Phillip, my infant tongue
God Damnit, would you shut the hell up nobody gives a rat's ass
Yeah go away Pip
Right-O
Dah french people piss me off

It's just a stupid pig
Yeah quit being such a baby
Baby well at least I don't get my ass kicked by a girl
At least I'm not a little pig f*****
Hey I'm taking my pig and screw you guys I'm going home this whole idea's stupid anyway
What the hell would you know you fat sweaty Mongoloid, you never get higher than a 'D'
Hey why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews
There's no Jews in San Fransisco you retard
I'll kick you in the nuts

Hmm now I know how all those white women must have felt

Death

Hey Stan now that Terrance and Phillip has been taken off the air what are we going to do for entertainment
I dunno we we could start breathing gas fumes
My uncle said that smoking crack is kinda cool
Hey why don't we go watch some of those porno movie thingies
Cool
Yeah

You pompous son of a whore

You son of a bitch your mom sucks

Pinkeye

Hey dudes
Cartman! What kind of costume is that
It's Adolph Hitler costume sieg heil sieg heil
Where'd you get that
My mom made it isn't it coool
No it's not cool
What are you supposed to be Stan Howdy Doody
No I'm Raggedy Andy fatass
Ohh wow you look pretty coool
[Laughter]
Sissy
I'll kick your ass Kyle
Oh look out Holly Hobby's all pissed off

There you see? All of a sudden my costume is pretty bad ass huh?
Dude dressing up like Hitler is not bad ass
You're just jealous why don't you go back to Endor you stupid wookie?
Wookies don't live on Endor
[In a mocking voice]Wookies don't live on Endor
Well at least my mom's not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine
What! What did you say!

I found it! I found it!
What?
See Cartman, your mom is on the cover
Eh, you
We told you dude
You guys, ehh
You better let me take that Kyle

Where the hell is Kyle, we don't have all night to wait for him
I bet I get more candy than you dude
Are you crazy! I'm the candy master
No no you're the ass master, there's a difference
Hey I'm not the one who walks around all day looking like Pippy Longstockings
Oh yeah, well, at least my mom's not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!
God damn it, my mom is not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!

Hello children
Hey Chef
What in the hell are you doing dressed up like that!
Eating Kenny's pudding
Hello there children Ohh, love the Elvis costume Chef
Elvis? I'm Evel Knieval. Why the hell would I dress up like Elvis
Oh, why the hell would you dress up like Evel Knieval? Anyway

Hello children
Hey Chef
Aaaahhh
Wo Chef's really scared of ghosts huh!

I don't really give a crap

Well, let's go home start eating that candy
We can eat it at Cartman's house, and see more naughty pictures of his mom
Yeah
Knock it off you guys, she said she was young, and needed the money
Cartman, those pictures were taken like, last month
Lehh, eh, screw you guys!

Pinkeye my ass, I've seen this kinda thing before

Kenny's family is so poor that, yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage
[Laughter]
I said, your family had to put a cardboard box up 'a second mortgage, Kenny, I'm talking to you Kenny, achtung! Poor piece of crap

I'm gonna make love, even when I'm dead, my body might get cold, but it's always hot in my bed. Make looove, don't you be afraid, just because my heart ain't beatin' it don't mean you won't get laid [howling in background] yeeh hoo

[Ding dong]
Trick-or-t, Ahhh!
Get off my property you brain eatin' zombie bastards!
Hey, Chef, ahh, no!
Oh, sorry children. I thought you were one of them
Can we have some candy now please!
Damn it boy, what in the hell are you doin' dressed up like that!
I'm trying to trick-or-treat God damn-it!
Remind me to whoop your ass good next time I see ya now, get in here before those zombies getcha!

Damien

Kick ass dude Cartman's mom throws the best birthday parties ever
That's right
Yeah if my mom could cook like Cartman's mom I'd be a big fat ass too
That's right ehh

You dirty cheap ass piece of crap

Here let me sing you a little song, We're all special in our own way everybody's different but that's ok cause even though we might have different colored skin different points of views be tall or thin it doesn't mean I can't lay you down woman and touch your silky skin put my love deep inside you where no man has ever been rub your leg caress your thighs and.... Uh, what were we talkin' about again

You son of a bitch

Starvin' Marvin

You won't get away with this you bastards

Today you fight for your city you fight for your honor these turkeys will continue to push until they have taken everything from us these fudged up turkeys from the the crustaceous era can take our lives, but they can never take our FREEDOM

When do we get the sports watch
Just a second fat-ass
You vas-deferens
Hello No, no, as a mat....
Vas-deferens
Mmmmmm
Oh

Doesn't look like she's having any trouble finding food
Yeah she's fatter than Cartman
Yeah hey

But that's ok remember there are no stupid questions, just stupid people

Gather around everybody and listen good go to your homes and arm your....what the hell are you supposed to be anyway
That's not important right now
No what the hell is this little thing supposed to be it doesn't look like anything
Chef the turkeys
Oh, alright

Mr. Hankey

I'm gonna lay you down by the yule log, I'm gonna love you right. Baby I'm gonna deck your halls and silent your night. You'll hear the heavenly angels sing when I'm sliding off your bra. I just can't wait to jingle your bells and fa

Shut up fat boy
I'm not fat I'm festively plump

Dude this is pretty fu**ed up right here

The new law states we can't sing any songs having to do with Jesus or Santa Claus
Thanks to Kyle's mother
Shut up Cartman!
So does anybody know any non Santa or non Jesus Christmas songs?
Yes Eric?
How about we sing "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch" in D-minor?
I told you not to call my mom a bitch Cartman!
Oh ho! [Signing] Wellll, Kyle's mom's a bitch! She a big fat bitch! She's the biggest bitch In the whole wide world! She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls!
Shut up Cartman!
Howdy ho!
Mr. Hankey
Monday she's a bitch! On Tuesday she's a bitch! And Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch! Then on Sunday just to be different she's a super kinkamayamaya be-atch!
Golly, that isn't very nice! I'd sure like to teach him a lesson!
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean ole bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch! She's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch. Kyle's mom, is a biiiiiiiittcchhaaaa

Mr. Hankey
Howdy ho!

Oh boy super bitch is at it again
Don't call my mom a bitch Cartman

Howdy ho Chef!
Howdy ho Mr. Hankey!
Ok that does it screw you guys I'm going home talking poo is where I draw the line

You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas
How do you know?
Cause I looked in my parents closet last night
Yeah, well I sneaked around my mom's closet too, and saw what I'm getting. The Ultra-Vibe Pleasure 2000
What's that?
I don't know, but it sounds pretty sweet

Tom's Rhinoplasty

I can't wait for Ms. Ellen to see what a raging lesbian I am
I'm a bigger lesbian than you
No, you're a fatter lesbian than me
Screw you guys, I'm king lesbian

Nobody could take your place no way they could match your face no you got it goin' on in a way so clear I just want to buy you a beer maybe tonight at 7: 30 or something I could, uh, come by and,uh, pick you up in my car (no substitute) no substitute for you (no substitute) no baby there's (no substitute) for you girl (no substitute) for you now, you know that it's true (no substitute) there's just no substitute for you

She wasn't looking at you buttlord, she was looking at me
Well that goes without saying fatass how could she help but look at you
You guys can stop fighting, it was me she was checking out
Until you puked on her

Weak dude she only likes other lesbians
Hey man if she only likes other lesbians then all we gotta do is become lesbians too
Hey, yeah
You guys, you know what? My grandma was Dutch-Irish, and my grandpa was lesbian, that makes me quarter-lesbian
You're just saying that Cartman
Yeah, you're not a lesbian fatass
I am too

And I want you to show the substitute the same respect you show for Mr. Garrison
Yes little boy?
We don't have respect for Mr. Garrison
Oh

Hello there children
Oh, hey Chef
How did your date with Ms. Ellen go?
Not too good
What happened? Didn't you make sweet love to her?
No, no, no, she's not like that you see uh, how do I put this? Children, Ms. Ellen doesn't exactly play for the right team, in, in, in other words, children, she's not a member of the heterosexual persuasion, don't you understand? She's a lesbian
A what-bian?
A plebian?
You boys don't know what a lesbian is?
Kenny?
No, explain it to us Chef
That, that's ok. Uh, ba

Can I tell you something Ms. Ellen
Of course Wendy
Don't f*** with me
What!
You heard me, stay away from my man bitch or I'll whip your sorry whole ass back to last year, bye Ms. Ellen

Mecha Streisand

Well you can tell Kyle that he's a dirty god damn son of a bitch

(singing) Mecha Poitier Mecha Poitier
Is that really necessary?

Where is the triangle of Zinthar now
Triangle of Zinthar?
Why do you wanna know lady
I'm not talking to you, you pissant little hick
Whoa dude

What's going on here
Sidney Poitier
That's right I'm Sidney Poitier
Damn man its nice to meet you THE Sidney Poitier in my home town
Barbera Streisand has found the triangle of Zinthar
Yep she's the made Diamond of Pantheos alright

Day is never finished, master got me working, someday master set me free
Dude shut up Cartman
Oh oh I think I found one
No I found it!
Oh I do believe I found it first
No I did Pip
Oh dear
Well, guess we'll have to roshambo for it
What do you mean?
Well, first I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can then you kick me in the nuts as hard as you can and we keep going back and forth until somebody falls the last one standing gets the arrowhead
Oh I uh well I suppose if I must
Ok, ready? I'll go first, eh
(Cartman kicks Pip in the nuts)
Ooohhhhhh!!!
[Laughter]
Well, I, I guess you win
Oh, I don't care you can have the stupid arrowhead I don't want it

Hey, give me that back
You threw it away Cartman! It's mine now
We'll roshambo for it
No way fatty, it's mine
Anthropologist!
How's it going boys?
I found a magic triangle, and this greedy son of a bitch took it from me
You threw it away fatso

Thanks Tom, those are some cute, cute kids except for that last one, he's a little tubby
Hey!

Can I have my walkie-talkie back now please?
No way, you gave it to us, it's mine now
Alright, I'll roshambo you for it. Ready?
Heh?
(Robert Smith kicks Cartman in the nuts)
Eh! Ahhh!

Cartman's mom is a dirty slut

And what do you think about me Clyde Frog?
[As Clyde Frog] I think you're a big fat piece of crap
Hey!

Cartman? What the hell are you doing dressed up like an indian with a bear necklace?
Native American Stan, and the bear is very important to my people
What?
[Laughter]
Hey, the white man has mocked my people long enough you keep your god damn mouth shut!
Stan, I need to borrow your bike to ride over to the reservation
What are you talking about Cartman?
My name isn't Eric Cartman, it's Eric Running Water. Now, can I borrow your bike, or do I have to kick you in the nuts and steal it?
Go ahead dude

When a man loves a woman, and a woman loves a man, (actually, sometimes a man doesn't love the woman, but he acts like he does in order to get some action, hehe), the magic starts to happen, and the two take off their clothes, that's right, they caress and touch each other until the part of the man grows. Ooohhh, they roll around and now things are really start to gettin' hot. And the man say "I love you," and the woman says, "hold on a second, I got to go to the bathroom." So you wait and you wait and you wait and you wait and you wait and you wait and you wait. You wait and you're coolin' down, she's still going to the bathroom. Finally she comes back, and she says, "baby I'm getting hot." And that's when you've got to jug her butt and pump her full of ....
What!?! Who the hell did that to my mom at the Drunken Barn Dance

Would you care to...put your tongue in my mouth?
Damn baby, you cut right to the chase, don't you?

Ohh Chef, Ohh Chef
Damn woman what's gotten into you

Alright, from everyone's accounts, I've narrowed down Eric's possible father to the people in this room. Officer Barbrady, Chef, Jimbo, Mr. Garrison, Ned, Chief Running Water, Gerald Broslofski, myself, my friend Kevin, or, the 1989 Denver Broncos
Wow, I always knew Cartman's mom was a slut, but, God damn!

Hi we were condering why fatass, I mean Cartman hasnt been showing up for school

Come on, we're running late!
We're not getting on you fat ugly bitch
What did you say?
I said, "We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch."
Oh, alright then
Whoa dude!
I always wondered if that would work

'Sup homies
Cartman?
I was just down in the SPC kicking it with some G's on the West Si-ede
You live on the East Side, Cartman
Dude, I thought you said you were Native American
Bah, who, hehe, who, ha, right. Like I'm some hippie indian
You know what I'm sayin', G. Check you later, I'm gonna go chill with my, my dad

I, am, going, to, f****n, kill, you, guys, seriously

I, am, so, pissed, off, right, now

Kid, I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we Native American refer to as "Bear, with wide canyon."
What do you mean?
She is, "Doe, who cannot keep legs together."
Heh?
Your mom's a slut
Hey

Man. I'm outta here
Come on Chef, haven't you ever heard of a manage o three
Yeah, when two women are involved
Damn! Damn! Damn! Oh well, I guess it'll just have to be you and me Ms. Cartman

It was you, all along, you were with my mother the night of the Drunken Barn Dance
Oh
Garrison, that's impossible, he's gay
I am not gay!
Then you did sleep with my mom?!?
No!!
He's gay!!
Ok, ok! I admit it. I might have made love to your mother at the Drunken Barn Dance, but who here didn't?
Now come on, honestly. Who here has never had sex with Mrs. Cartman?
I haven't
You don't count Halfie, you don't have any legs
Oh. Yeah

Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto, or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Nope, he's gay
You go to hell, you go to hell and you die!
Is it Jimbo?
Dahh!
Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Huh? Where?
Or could it be Ned?
Could be
Or Mr. Broslofski?
Dad, how could you?!?
Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all new South Park, in just four weeks
What?!? Son of a Bitch

Wow were sorry your mom's a whore dude
Yeah it sucks

[Knock on the door]
Hello?
Yo Pops
Boy, what the fudge are you doing?
You know, just, layin' down some rhymes for G-folk. You know what I'm sayin'?
Get in here!
West si-ede

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