All Together Now: BOOOOOOOORING!!!
High noon, PST. Pat Quinn threw open the bat-wing saloon doors, stepped out into the dusty street, slapped leather and fired.
As the smoke cleared, Vancouver Canucks fans pulled aside curtains and cracked open doors, peering out for a glimpse of the future. And the word spread like a flash flood through the pubs and the coffee shops, from skid row doorways to to skyscraper aeries:
"Migawd! We've got Steve Staios!"
Yes, the team in desperate need of a playmaking centre, a checking centre, a tough defenceman and someone who can run the powerplay with at least a chance that he won't trip over the blueline; the team that was rumored to be moving everyone from Alexander Mogilny to Dave Babych; the team with no untouchables save the sainted and whiplashed Pavel Bure, has plunged fearlessly into the NHL trading pool and emerged with two future considerations and a guy deemed expendable by the second-worst team in the National Hockey League.
Steve Staios. STEVE STAIOS! The guy who couldn't stick with the Boston Bruins! Get those ticket wickets open! The '97-'98 drive starts right here!
Ah, Patrick, you may have a bum hip, but no one can question your cojones.
Half the town hollering for your head and the other half aiming four feet lower; the media screaming that you've got to do something -- anything -- to turn this sad-sack collection of non-believers and under-achievers into a contender, and suggesting that you're just playing out your string waiting to take over an expansion team in Atlanta -- and you make one deal for one minor-league defenceman.
And it won't make a damn bit of difference that you're absolutely correct.
What happened around the NHL yesterday offers conclusive proof that (a) the deadline is far too late in the season and (b) there's a dreadful shortage of step-right-in talent.
With the season all but over, the have-not teams concentrated on getting rid of veteran talent for which they were paying far too much, paring the payroll and obtaining younger, cheaper chatels who, with any luck, will develop into solid assets a year or two down the road -- at which point they, too, will be making too much money and will be shipped out in turn to make room for younger, cheaper chatels who with any luck ...
See how it works?
For some, the fire sale was less a trade than a parole. Toronto's Kirk Muller (Florida) and the over-priced Larry Murphy (Detroit), the Kings' Eddie Olczyk (Pittsburgh) suddenly find themselves with teams that will give them a final fling at the Stanley Cup. The Panthers, Wings and Penguins get the parts they lacked for these playoffs, the Leafs and Kings get kids who work for less and may have an upside for playoffs down the road.
But, in the main, what we had here was another version of the Irish getting through the Depression by taking in each other's laundry.
Yesterday was all about budget trimming and the hope that somewhere in the muck scraped from the river-bottom, a team can find a nugget. Hockey writers love it, because the impending deadline allows them to speculate with impunity. If they're right, they look like experts. If nothing happens -- hey, it was a rumor, and the GM reportedly (the handiest word in the dictionary) backed off at the last minute.
What's needed, aside from fewer teams and a deeper talent pool, is a trading deadline set in January, when it's too early to concede a playoff miss, decisions have to be made on ability, current and potential, and the future is now.
Look down the list of yesterday's deals. That's not hockey, that's book-keeping. If it keeps up, the next first draft pick will be an accountant.
Jim Taylor is a Sun Media columnist and can be reached by e-mail at [email protected]
Get your own Free Home Page