Whooperdingle /wup*ir*ding*el/, n. 1. A being of Zoomphy, similar to homosapiens. 2. A Yahoo!groups mailing list.
Wazoo /wah*zu/, n. 1. Metazoan lifeform originating in Zoomphy. 2. Zoomphy's main export.
Birrdie /bur*dee/, n. 1. Member of the lone aviary species on Zoomphy. 2. Whooperdingle transportation device; involves a crank sold separately.
Funky Chicken /funk*ee chik*en/, n. 1. An invisible female being who falls from the sky in order to fulfill her destiny as an assistant to the Great Chicken. 2. A person living on one of the seven hills of Zoomphy.
Great Chicken /grat chik*en/, n. The deity and ruler of Zoomphy. Sometimes referred to as the Mother Chicken.
WAALIKKIZ Federation /wahl*ee*keez fed*ur*a*shun/, n. 1. A coalition composed of nine orbs at the southern tip of the Milky Way. 2. An interplanetary trading alliance. 3. A treaty signed and adhered to by the political leaders of Worshanti, Aldoonica, Agravadno, Lzu, Ijuaquo, Kleng, Klong, Iyawut, and Zoomphy.
The Roots of Zoomphy:
One day two friends, Vera and Kryssie, were waiting for the bus outside of the local KFC. It was an evening in December. It had just snowed so it was cold outside, and they were trying to come up with ways to stay warm. So Vera started jumping up and down, screaming "zoom!" to add effect. Kryssie decided to join her, so she started screaming "fee!" after every "zoom!", which was altogether a very comical sight. Kryssie started laughing so hard she puked. Vera noticed that the puke looked a lot like some weird species of bird. So they started naming the different parts. Then they described where this bird must've come from, puke notwithstanding. So from this rather unconventional birth, "Zoomphy" was born.
The Story of Zoomphy:
Eventually, though, The Great Chicken Planet gave birth to seven eggs which became the seven moons of Zoomphy. The Great Planet then deigned it necessary that the Funky Chickens find the missing Whooperdingles, since she couldn't very well rule a planet with no inhabitants to rule over. So the Funky Chickens took human form and headed for the planet where most of the Whooperdingles came to: Earth. And now they are trying to find their missing flock and bring them home.
While one would naturally conclude that the whooperdingles would be anxious to return to their home planet after so many years abroad, alas, this was not the case. For when the whooperdingles entered the earth's atmosphere, the foreign air particles caused their minds to forget their past and thus their heritage. So many of them are under the sad misconception that they are actually earthlings. This phenomenon subsequently poses a problem for the Funky Chickens, who are often inadvertantly mistaken for the Illuminati as well as other underworld organizations...when all they're really trying to do is valiantly serve their Mother Chicken.
How To Help Zoomphy:
There once was a great chicken-shaped planet named Zoomphy. Peace reigned in this fine, feathered place until the Great Planet started squawking uncontrollably. Apparently, it was about to lay its eggs (how it got impregnated is a fact enmeshed in mystery and folklore). This proved to be unbearable for Zoomphy's inhabitants. So, in order to prevent deafness, the inhabitants of Zoomphy rushed for parts unknown by hitching rides on their birrdies, never to return to their homeland for fear of going deaf.
Needless to say, the Funky Chickens need your help finding missing whooperdingles. If you or anyone you know have seen or come in contact with a whooperdingle recently, please report your sighting(s) to the National Whooperdingle Hotline (NWH) at:
WARNING: Whooperdingles characteristically become violent when apprehended so it is highly recommended that you do not try to capture one by yourself. Leave it to the professionals who can properly subdue such severe resistance. If you would like to receive information on becoming a licensed whooperdingle bounty hunter, please call the number above, extension 420. Bear in mind that if you attempt a citizen's arrest without proper certification, you run the risk of becoming permanently impotent or decapitated. That, and you will receive a stiff fine.