Now, we all know that trendies have to die. Fortunately, bringing about their timely and well-deserved deaths isn�t difficult, as let�s face it, trendies aren�t exactly the sharpest tools in the box. So since it�s so easy, lets make the process fun and enjoyable, so we can not only rid the world of twats in Kappa but also have a laugh as we do it. Here�s a few techniques you may wish to try out in your home town.
Put Trendy in a room with a video recorder showing Ali G on repeat play. Trendy will immediately start to do Ali G-esque wrist-flick actions. As the Ali G show continues to be repeated, Trendy will do the wrist-flicks more and more and faster and faster�.until centrifugal force rips Trendy�s hand from his arm and Trendy dies of blood loss due to the ruptured arteries. Booyakasha!!!
Dress up Prince Naseem and Stone Cold Steve Austin in black dog collars, PVC, eyeliner and Cradle of Filth tops, and then get them to walk past Trendy�s house. Trendy will promptly attack Naseem and Steve Austin, overjoyed at the prospect of kicking the shit out of another couple of poofy goths. Enjoy watching Trendy being ripped limb from limb.
Construct a bomb with a timed detonator. Then paint a Nike tick across it. When Trendy sees the Nike tick, he will be unable to resist either putting it on his head or strapping it to his chest. Stand well back, and have a mop and bucket handy.
As Trendy gets into his flash Mondeo with more fog lights than is strictly necessary, casually mention to him that "using the steering wheel while the car is doing over 50mph is a sign of latent homosexuality."
Sharpen one of Trendy�s Nelly Furtado CDs until it is razor-sharp. Then adapt his CD player into a clay pigeon-firing mechanism, so that as soon as he presses play the CD will be flipped out to decapitate him.
Switch around the signs for the local gay bar and the pub where the local garrison of the Parachute Regiment hang out. Wait for Trendy to stand outside shouting homophobic comments at the clientele. Whoops, it�s the wrong bar. Oh dear.
Put sulphuric acid in his FCUK hair wax. Watch his head dissolve.
Send him to a meeting of Lesbians United in Hatred of All Men (you can lure him there by telling him it�s an Oxide and Neutrino gig) and wait for him to him to go over to the nearest woman and loudly make suggestive remarks about her "jugs". You will find his body the next day in a nearby river, having been ritually castrated and with the words "DIE HETERO" slashed into his chest with a razor.
Plant a bomb attached to a vibration detector in a common Trendy mating spot (the toilets at Zeus nightclub in Cardiff would be a good start - to those of you in other areas, insert the name of your local townie club in here). The vibrations of him humping some random she-trendy will set off the bomb, not only killing two trendies at once but also preventing trendies from breeding, which is always a good thing.
Open up a clothing store selling two sets of clothing that look exactly the same. However, the first set should be reasonably priced and made out of good quality materials. The second set should be ludicrously overpriced, made out of inferior materials by wage-slaves in the Third World, and should have a poncey Italian name scrawled across it. Impregnate the second set with cyanide. All your local trendies will flock instantly to the second set and die from cyanide poisoning. All those in the area who deserve to live, however, will buy the first set, and will not only be spared death, but will have some new clothes. A good result all round.
(suggested by R. Palmer)
simply walk past a trendie wearing a vaguely controversial garment of clothing and as he is dazed but the alternative thinking that has hit him for the first time in his measly little life... you then proceed to slowly batter him to death with a 9 iron.
Do you know of any ways to kill trendies? Have you used these techniques, and if so, what results did you get? Feedback and suggestions to the usual address.
Go back, leaving a trail of adidas footprints