Merchandising Street Preachers!!!!!!!
Yes!!!!! Thrill to the all new Manic Street Preachers merchandise that you can buy, incorporating the fab three, erm four, no sorry three (I think) into your daily lifestyle. Starting with:
Manic Street Preachers Dildos!
Understanding your market is the key to any successful business venture, and the Manic Street Preachers market consists of insecure teenage girls who cream their gussets at the thought of Nicky Wire. Therefore, why not carve out a dildo in the shape of Nicky Wires lithe form, especially since his hairdo circa the Manic Millenium was just the right shape for the business end. The Wire model is long and thin, just like the Wire himself. Those preferring a little more width might want to try the James Dean Bradfield Dildo, renowned for its ability to make users bellow like James in the chorus line to From Despair to Where. The Sean Moore Dildo is also available, but only for the more perverse form of Manics fan.
My Little Richey
A fully functional Richey doll with all the accessories you need to recreate an internal dialogue of culture, alienation, boredom and despair within the comfort of your own bedroom, including vodka bottle, razor blade and book of Sylvia Plath poems. Order now and receive free entry into a prize draw to win a holiday in the Abyss. (note: arty literary quotes may vary. Management accepts no responsibility if the doll attracts a horde of young, alienated disciples and then disappears)
Random Wire Insult Generator
Simply type the name of anyone you want to insult into this handy gadget and it will instantly spew forth a stream of Wiresque venom. Comes with different settings allowing you to choose whether to dismiss their shallow lack of artistry, to attack them for valueing musicianship over making political statements or simply to wish them a horrible death. Perfect for whenever you want to tell your friends what a worthless bunch of indie nobodies they are.
The Sean Moore Stepladder
Comrades! For too long our kind has been denied the basic rights to access the top shelf! The tyranny of tall people has loomed over us for too long! Power to the midgets! This stepladder has been endorsed by the spiritual father of short-stumps everywhere, and will allow a short man to stand tall.
(by the way, if any of the above ideas seem stupid to you, then you obviously didn't see some of the more ridiculous Manics merchandise that was on sale at the Manic Millenium. Like, Manic Street Preachers party poppers? I mean, for Christ's sake...)
Back! Back, I say! Back!
Thanks to The Reverend Trinity for creating the artwork for this feature.
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