Alien Ant Farm: Twats
In the news this week, a coalition of pop stars have hit back at the growing trend of rock acts appropriating classic pop songs for the purpose of having a quick chart hit on the back of some thinly-disguised pseudo-irony. This tactic was notably used by nu-metal twats Alien Ant Farm recently in their cover version of Michael Jackson�s Smooth Criminal. The band have since announced that they will continue to draw inspiration from the King of Pop by having extensive plastic surgery and molesting small children.
One pop artist who has been extensively plundered by creatively challenged rock bands is Britney Spears. First her classic hit Baby One More Time was covered by monumentally successful Scottish wuss-rockers Travis, and more recently she has seen (You Drive Me) Crazy being massacred by monumentally unsuccessful Essex shite-metallers Sugarcoma. �Those fucking indie wankers had better keep their hands off my fucking records,� the squeaky clean pop megastar announced recently, �If I see that fucking Fran Healy hanging around my fucking recording studio again I�m gonna fucking hit him baby one more time. Now, if you�ll excuse me, now that I�ve got rid of that fucking minger Justin Timberlake, I�m off to have bumsex with Malaysian truck drivers.�
Leading the fight against this worrying trend of rock acts stealing pop songs in a desperate attempt to salvage their careers at the expense of what remains of their credibility is Canadian singer Nelly Furtado. �This started off with China Drum getting their filthy hands on Kate Bush�s Wuthering Heights,� says Furtado, �then they came after Britney, then Michael Jackson. I mean, who next? I personally would hate to see the pure artistic vision of my work being corrupted by some bunch of guitar oiks like, say, Puddle of Mudd. One thing that many people don�t understand is that Like a Bird is a song of deep existential significance.� When asked to elaborate on this point, she explained, �The song is about me and my relation to the world around me. I am, as were, like a bird. I make weird squawking noises, what little meat there is on me is concentrated on my hindquarters, and only last week I flapped my arms, took off into the air, flew over the house of Aaron from Staind, and shat on his car windscreen.�
But perhaps the fiercest response has come from Pop Idol nancy boy Gareth Gates, who announced this week that �Those Righteous Brothers have got a nerve, stealing my work. I�m gonna be going after them, you mark my words. His former Pop Idol fellow contestant �fat� Rik �fatty fatty fat fatso fatty fat fat� Waller concurs, adding �Whitney Houston will be hearing from my lawyers.�
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