Health and Safety with Carnage Candy


Now, we all know that maintaining safety at home and when out and about is an important matter. Fortunately, talentless Manics-plagiarising know-nothings - sorry, that should have read hotly-tipped Glaswegian glam-punks - Carnage Candy have produced a pictorial guide to health and safety. So, let us begin:


1. When using spray-paints to create shirts that look vaguely like the ones the Manics wore in Generation Terrorists photoshoots, ensure that you use the spray can in a well-ventilated area, preferably while wearing a face mask, so that paint fumes will pose no danger. See, Carnage Candy�s Fletch E. Kerouac didn�t follow this advice, and look at him! He�s practically comatose.


2. Be careful when running in the dark. And take your sunglasses off. Mon S. Clinton didn�t do this, and he�s walked smack into the camera.


3. Ensure that stairways are uncluttered by members of copyist glam bands. Here we see Miguel C. Kesey blocking the stairs, which can pose a fire hazard, especially when setting light to members of Carnage Candy.


4. And again, Juan F. Kennedy is also on the stairs. This is a cluttered stairway, and a very poor example of health and safety.


5. And now Fletch E. Kerouac is doing it! Dear me�.


6. And Mon S. Clinton! Just what is this obsession Carnage Candy have with sitting on stairs?


7. When taking Miguel out into the countryside to burn him at the stake, ensure that the fire is well attended . Close all gates behind you, and don�t litter the area with feather boas and tinsel.


8. Be careful when climbing onto tall objects, especially wheelie bins. By the way Miguel, the word �recycling� refers to bottles and cans, not Manics cliches and Richey quotes.


9. When reclining, sit up or lie flat, without allowing your spine to curve. Keep your legs together. Look after your back and your back will look after you. Sorry boys, but this isn�t good enough�.


10.�and neither is this. And stop sniffing that spray paint!

And as a final word on health and safety. Always ensure that you maintain accurate personal details, so that your relatives can be contacted in the event of an emergency. Hmmmm, somehow I get the feeling that Miguel C. Kesey, Mon S. Clinton, Fletch E. Kerouac and Juan F. Kennedy are not the names on their birth certificates.

All pictures here were gratefully stolen from the official Carnage Candy website

Follow the trail of feather boas back home

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