Asian Girlfriend

HOW TO MAKE YOUR ASIAN GIRLFRIEND ETERNALLY HAPPY: 

1) Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her, the 
number 2; rule follows. 

2) Spend MONEY on HER. 
This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have 
any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it. 

3) Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you 
don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it 
will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about one 
foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because 
you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better. 

4) Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. 
Forget what you've heard about submissive Asian women. They actually 
rule every relationship with insidious and painful, 
passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control. 

5) Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. 
She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight 
of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, 
as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other trinkets and 
knick-knacks. Also, she will understand perfectly well if you pout 
over the smallest percieved slight or slip and demand to be 
appeased, assuaged, or made up to. If you behave any other way, 
she will never understand it. 

6) Dress like a PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble 
of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you, herself. 

7) Remove EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON YOUR SCALP. 
The sight of a whisker on your face reminds her that somewhere 
inside of 
you, something is trying to grow. You must not grow - you must be as 
unchanging and constant as the firmament. 

8) There are NO MORE RULES to making your Asian girlfriend 
eternally 
happy. If any situations arises which you feel the rules have not 
addressed, you are mistaken - immediately refer to the primary 
rules #1 and #2 - they are the solution in every such case. 

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