>
  > Every once in a while, I like to take a break from my
  > daily onslaught of humor e-mail, and devote myself to
  > the pursuit of higher goals.  I've been meaning to do
  > it for a long time, but this week I finally had a chance
  > to give my girlfriend "The Whiff Test."
  >
  > Don't confuse this with the whiff test that you give
  > to your socks in the morning.  This one is different.
  > The point of "The Whiff Test" is NOT for me to get a
  > whiff of my girlfriend.  Rather, the whole point of
  > this is for HER to get a whiff of ME!
  >
  > So I laid nasty fart right next to her.  It was a real
  > winner, too.... you'll get all the details in a moment.
  > But first, I'd like to say that I think EVERY man
  > should give his woman "The Whiff Test."
  >
  > There's a lot you can learn about your woman simply
  > by breaking the wind in her presense.  For example,
  > some girls will complain about it.  You DON'T want
  > one of those women!  They're likely to complain about
  > many other things over the years, and they'll also
  > try to surpress your natural bodily functions.  I
  > figure that if you can't fart in front of your woman,
  > then you don't have an "honest" relationship.  Save
  > yourself a lot of trouble, and ditch her now!
  >
  > (Yes ladies,... it's true:  MEN FART!  In fact,
  > when I was a Boy Scout, we used to have lot's
  > of fun with them.  We had fireside farting contests,
  > we'd light them on fire, etc.  And it was loads of fun!)
  >
  > There's also a large group of women who respond to
  > "The Whiff Test" by remaining silent.  Either they
  > cannot smell it (unlikely), or they choose not to say
  > anything about it (likely).  Of course, this isn't a
  > very "honest" way to handle a relationship, but it's also
  > very refreshing to meet a woman who doesn't complain
  > all the time.  So I guess if you guys meet a girl like
  > this, it's ok to keep her around.
  >
  > It's probabaly worth mentioning that "The Whiff Test"
  > that I gave my girlfriend included an especially
  > pungent sample of my finest farting prowess.  I was
  > very careful with my dietary selection that day, and
  > I made sure to eat plenty of vegetables (mostly cauliflower,
  > broccoli and beans) because I wanted to be absolutely
  > sure that she and I are compatible.
  >
  > When the time finally came, she was in bed reading
  > Cosmopolitan Magazine just like she does every night before
  > going to sleep.  I got into bed next to her, and exchanged
  > some small talk while the final load of bowel pressure
  > was builing up inside me.  When it was ready.....
  > I let it rip, baby!
  >
  > At first, I thought that I might have pushed too hard, so
  > I clamped my butt joint as hard as I could.  My fart was
  > momentarily caught in between my butt cheeks, and it came
  > out with a beautiful ripping/flapping sound.  (Back in the
  > Boy Scouts, we referred to this as "music")
  >
  > Of course, I had no choice but to clamp down on my butt
  > joint at the last minute because I had pushed to hard
  > initially, and I was at risk of launching one of those
  > embarassing runaway turds.  And that is NOT supposed to
  > be part of "The Whiff Test."  Plus, it might have left
  > a nasty stain in my underwear, although it would be hard
  > to notice because all of my underwear has been pink ever
  > since my mother gave me that red T-shirt 3 years ago for
  > Christmas.  (I guess it slipped into the laundry with
  > my white clothes)
  >
  > Anyway,... back to the point:
  > I let out this nasty, ass-burning fart under the covers,
  > then I carefully watched my girlfriend for her response.
  > At first, she just silently looked at me.
  >
  > So I started to flap the covers in her direction a little,
  > y'know... just to make sure that she understood exactly
  > what was going on.  Then suddenly, another huge fart ripped
  > out from under the covers. It was even loader and stinker
  > than the first one... and it WASN'T mine!
  >
  > So it's safe to say that my girlfriend passed "The Whiff
  > Test."  And all I could say was, "I love you, baby!"