Subject: One Thanksgiving Morning


  >
  >       _
  >      ( \
  >       \ \                          Did you know that.....
  >       / /                 /\
  >      / /     .-`````-.   / ^`-.      Football was actually invented
  >      \ \    /         \_/  {|} `o    by a group of women,
  >       \ \  /   .---.   \\ _  ,--'
  >        \ \/   /     \,  \( `^^^      ...as a way to keep their
  >         \   \/\      (\  )           husbands out of the kitchen
  >          \   ) \     ) \ \           on Thanksgiving!
  >           ) /__ \__  ) (\ \___
  >          (___)))__))(__))(__)))
  >
  >
  >  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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  >
  > There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for
  > nearly forty years.  The only friction in their marriage was caused by
  > the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
  >
  > The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
  > eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.  Nearly every
  > morning she would plead with him to stop ripping such nasty farts.
  > He told her that he couldn't help it.  She begged him to see a doctor
  > to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of it.
  > He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he
  > would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
  > hands.  She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
  > didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
  >
  > The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
  > continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
  > one Thanksgiving morning.  Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
  > prepare the family feast.  She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes,
  > gravy and of course a turkey.  While she was taking out the turkey's
  > innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her
  > husband's problem.  With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the
  > turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her
  > flatulent husband would awake.  While he was still soundly asleep, she
  > pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's
  > jockey shorts.  She then placed all of the turkey guts into her
  > husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed
  > back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
  >
  > Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud
  > ass-trumpeting.  This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and
  > the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
  > bathroom.
  >
  > The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as
  > she rolled on the floor laughing.  After years of putting up with him,
  > she had finally gotten even!
  >
  > About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
  > stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes.  She bit her lip
  > to keep from laughing and she asked him what was wrong.
  >
  > He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I
  > didn't listen to you"
  >
  > "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
  >
  > "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
  > of these days and today it finally happened.  But by the grace of God
  > and these two fingers,... I think I got'em all back in!!!"
  >                       .__________________________.