We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the polish
jokes we knew; boy what a feast!  Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to
sprinkle the old porcelain.  While I was in there, this big guy came in and
said to me, "Hey pal, I'm Polish and I don't like you telling all those Polish
jokes!"

    So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against anyone in
Poland."

    "My mother is in Poland!" He screams, and pulls out a razor.

    Boy was I scared!  I was sure he would have killed me if he had found a
place to plug it in!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    An Irishman bought a mobile phone.  While he was showing it off in the pub
the phone rang.  He answered it only to hear his wife's voice on the other end.

    "Yikes!" he remarked, "how did you know I was here!?"