♥♥ The Envision ♥♥
Two people can share the exact same dream with each other and even crossed paths. There was such a certain and profound compatibility between us and we both knew it. But it seems that God did not will our separate paths to become one... For you have grown into another person. And I am becoming what I was unable to be.

Nov. 21/03, Fri.

00:50AM -->

訓唔著ah! I'm like, trying to do the splits against the wall on my bed while writing this, so I end up twisting to the side so that I can write on a surface that is relatively parallel to my bed. Anyways... I just want to say that I have made many mistakes in the past. Of all the things that I can make up for, it will take a long time. For other things, I will never be able to do anything about it. [screw it, I'm just going to lie on my stomach!] Despite all that time of floating in space, I had a lot of fun. I was happy. I had such a beautiful vision. In the first half of the 90's, I saw that girl who so very much resembled the one in my Vision. But since 1995, something has happened that the girl is somehow no longer the one in my vision. Physically, she is still the same person, although grown up...just like me. But I don't get that special feeling anymore when I see her. All that comes to mind are the memories of the window into the future that is her. That girl has already grown up to be something of a someone else; she is no longer the same person as the one in my Vision. In the meantime, my own mistakes have warped the beautiful vision, or at least twisted up the smooth path that is part of the Vision. So now, I have already let go of her - not the one in my Vision, but the one that resembled the one in my Vision. For my vision still very much remains real and alive, and I don't have any intention any time soon of scrapping it. It is so fine a piece of work that it should be reality. And it can be reality if I work hard to achieve it, even if there's a lot of catching up to do. In the meantime, who will occupy that empty space? I see the outline of a person, but I don't see any details.

R__n M__h of Mtn. View V__y M__n of Mtn. View K__o N__a of Roy Stibbs '83-'84 B__e L__g of SFX? D__a T_ of Charles Best. C__y L__ of Uvic?

But right now, I don't desire anyone to fill that space; I'm not ready for her. This is not to say the doors are shut. It just means that I have nothing to offer her right now; the doors just lead to an empty room. My mom once told me that if a girl was hungry she would not be in the mood to talk about love. She also said that if you want to catch fish, you need to make a net first. I feel like the turtoise - slowly plodding along, but eventually will get there. There has been a few others in the past in whom I have one way or another seen something, but I haven't seen any of them for a long time. C__n W__g of Centennial '95 (I really miss her!!). W__y M__n of UVic. And a little more recently, S__e H__n of HSBC. Should our paths ever cross again, I shall be thankful. I don't hope to have another chance (we may not have fitted anyway), but I would be thankful because the very sight of them brings whole chunks of the past right before my eyes and remind me how valuable time is.