******Episode 32****** (Imperial Commando is on stage, wearing black sith robes. He is holding a mike in his left hand. On his right is a cast.) Imperial Commando: I have a special guest today: my brother, Blue Leader. (Blue Leader walks on stage, wearing a BLUE business suit) Imperial Commando: My web site gets a lot of hits. The Emperor: Oh, yeah! Well, *I* get lots of hits. Blue Leader: What are you doing with those white "rocks"? Imperial Commando: Errr. Throwing them at the emperor... yeah, that's right... Blue Leader: (sarcstically) I KNOW what YOU do with them... But what does the emperor do? Imperial Commando: Guess. Blue Leader: Doh! This is so obvious! (slaps self on forehead) But why rocks and not powder? Imperial Commando: Rocks are cheaper... And better... Jar Jar Binks: Hewow! Meesa-(tsew)(THUD!) Imperial Commando: Why is your shot in lower case? Blue Leader: I use a silenced blaster. As opposed to your Desert Eagle and Sterling Machinegun. Imperial Commando: Okay... ******AS DILIGENT STAR WARS VIEWERS (NERDS) KNOW, THE BLASTERS WERE MODIFIED STERLINGS. THEY FIRED BLANKS FOR A KICK-BACK EFFECT AND IN SOME SCENES, YOU CAN SEE THE SHELL CASINGS****** Imperial Commando: ...Actually, I prefer the FNP-90. Blue Leader: Umm... that's an excellent SMG, but I thought that you didn't like the French... Imperial Commando: It's FRENCH!?!?! (throws the gun away) Blue Leader: (Catches the gun) Thanks. ON THE TAINATIVE V (IV was captured in A New Hope, remember?) Han Solo: Why didn't we have to fight the imperials two weeks ago? Lando Calrissian: I removed the battle from their schedules. Han Solo: Man, I love the way that they schedule everything. Lando: You want to see them shoot kenny? (types something in to a keyboard) ON THE DEATH STAR III Kenny: (walks in) mfmmffffphmdffmfmfffmf!!! Imperial Commando: (BANG!) Blue Leader: You killed kenny! You win!... Absolutely nothing! Imperial Commando: Where's Admiral Bob IV? Blue Leader: MWA HA HA HA HA!!! Imperial Commando: What did you do with him?!?! Blue Leader: I schedualed him to get mono... and I did not to schedual it to end... BWA HA HA HA HA!!! Imperial Commando: Grrr... (pulls out his light-sabre and activates it.) Blue Leader: You're on! (Whips out his light-sabre and activates it.) Imperial Commando: err... (they have a huge, really cool light saber fight) Blue Leader: Join me, and we shall rule the universe together! Imperial Commando: NEVER!!!! Blue Leader: Oh, come ON. EVERY time we meet, you're always stubborn, egotistical, and argumentative. Imperial Commando: AM NOT!!!(smacks Blue Leader) Blue Leader: How the- One arm... is in a cast... the other arm is holding a light saber... and then... Imperial Commando: Oh, let it go. One thing I've learned over the weeks, is to NEVER question the laws of physics here. Blue Leader: (blinks) (CLICK!!!) Imperial Commando: HEHE I got a picture of you like that! I think I'll just put that on my wall o' clueless rebels! Darth Vader: Hey Imperial Commando... what's on the schedule next? Imperial Commando: INSULT THE FRENCH!!!! Darth Vader: YAY!!!! Imperial Commando: Hey, did you hear the one about the french guy who tried to commit suicide? Darth Vader: no... Imperial Commando: it failed... Because he jumped out the basement window!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA!!!!! Darth Vader: I once knew a french guy who was SO stupid, he climed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side!! AHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAA!!!! Imperial Commando: I heard that there was a french guy who was SO poor, - Imperial Commando's lawyer: Um, Imperial Commando... We've been getting complaints from our French readers... Imperial Commando: All right... LAWYER JOKES!!!! What do you call a habitat for worthless, bloodsucking creatures? Law School!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAA!!!! Imperial Commando's lawyer: You just made a big mistake... Imperial Commando: So I made a mistake, so sue me. TO BE CONTINUED... ~~UPDATES~~ Woo hoo! more boring stuff about my broken thumb. Yesterday(November 7), I had surgery on it. Long story short... it'll be a while before it heals. I don't mind it if you guys flood me with sympathy e-mails, but I must warn you... for each one I get, my ego goes up a notch... ~~~~~~~Thank you, thank you~~~~~~ Comments? Questions? Flames? My e-mail is: imperial_commando@hotmail.com so feel free to e-mail me! The Empire is a free weekly E-(something), based on the adventures of Darth Vader, The Emperor, and the rest of the Empire Feel free to forward this mailing to any friends of yours who like Star Wars. Heck, save yourself the trouble, and get them to subscribe! If you didn't like this issue, I'll be funny next week, I promise Everything on here is © 2000 Imperial Commando, unless otherwise specified. If you want to use a bit of humor, tell me that you're doing it, and put my name by it if you can wherever you're putting it. To subscribe(and, why not?): the-empire-subscribe@egroups.com To UNsubscribe(and why?): the-empire-unsubscribe@egroups.com This issue was written mostly by a certain rebel named Blue Leader. Imperial Commando did the editing. Thanks for writing an issue for me bro!