******Episode 27****** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^VVVVVVV^^V^^^^V^^VVVVV^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^V^^V^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^VVVVVV^^VVVV^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^V^^V^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^V^^VVVVV^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^VVVVVVV^^^^^^^VV^^^^^^^VV^^^^^^^VVVVVV^^VVVVVVVVV^^VVVVVV^^^^^VVVVVVV^ ^V^^^^^^^^^^^^^VV^^^^^^^VV^^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^V^^^^^^^ ^V^^^^^^^^^^^^V^^V^^^^^V^^V^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^V^^^^^^^ ^VVVVVV^^^^^^V^^^^V^^^V^^^^V^^^^^VVVVVV^^^^^^V^^^^^^VVVVVV^^^^^VVVVVV^^ ^V^^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^^V^V^^^^^^V^^^^V^^^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^^V^^^^^V^^^^V^^^^^^^ ^V^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^^^^V^^^^^^^^V^^^V^^^^^^^^^^^V^^^^^^V^^^^^^V^^^V^^^^^^^ ^VVVVVVV^^V^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^V^^V^^^^^^^VVVVVVVVV^^V^^^^^^^V^^VVVVVVV^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 'Back, with a very agressive personality, and a severe superiority complex' HELLO EVERYONE, AND GOOD EVENING... DEPENDING, OF COURSE, ON WHAT TIME ZONE YOU'RE IN, AND WHAT TIME YOU'RE READING THIS... AND IF YOU DON'T WORK NIGHT SHIFT OR SOMETHING... OR IF YOU HAD SURGURY, AND YOU LOST TRACK OF TIME... ANYWAY, UM.... HMM... WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY?... *scratches chin* HMM.... WELL, ANYWAY... ON WITH THE ISSUE! Imperial Commando: Err... Thanks Bob... Anyway, the setting for this issue, is a meeting so see how the pre-meeting for the meeting on how the meeting in issue 36 should go. In case you ever wondered where we got our ideas for meetings.... In the sewer. Well, the meeting sorta starts like this: Darth Vader: All right everyone, are we ready to start the meeting for how the pre-meeting for the meeting on how the meeting in issue 36 should go? Emperor: My favorite number is 5. Darth Vader:...... John: I'm ready... Imperial Commando: Ditto. Darth Vader: All right, we're ready to start the meeting for how the pre-meeting for the meeting on how the meeting in issue 36 should go? John: Yup. Imperial Commando: You bet! Emperor: Did someone say cheese? Darth Vader: All right then. So... How do you think the pre-meeting for the meeting on how the meeting in issue 36 should go? Imperial Commando: The way ALL our meetings go... by the schedule that's made up as we go along, remembering of course to kill Jar Jar Binks, and have Admiral Bob IV pop in, in place of the sick Admiral Bob III who has a new terminal, or at least extremely serious illness this week... Darth Vader: All right, you just described how THIS meeting will go, but do you have any suggestions for how the pre-meeting for the meeting on how- John: Yes, watch the Tom Green show. Darth Vader:.... Imperial Commando:..... Emperor: Who's Tom Green? Darth Vader: John? John: What? Imperial Commando: Who is Tom Green? John: Haven't you guys EVER seen MTV? Imperial Commando: M-what? John: MTV...the television station? Darth Vader: I still don't see what you mean. You must be getting this MTB thing mixed up with something else. John: It's MT*V*. Darth Vader: All right already! Don't bore me with your life's story pal. John: I...uh... didn't make up MTV. Imperial Commando: (smiling) I'll bet you didn't. Emperor: Hey guys! Did you know you can see your brain if you roll your eyes far enough into your sockets? Darth Vader: Shall I? Imperial Commando: Go ahead, I'm starting to feel like shooting someone anyway. Darth Vader: BRING IN THE JAR JAR BINKS! John: Does anyone else find it a bit strange that he dies in every episode? Darth Vader: Uhh... no. Is this like your NTV thing? John: Nevermind. Jar Jar Binks: Meesa Jar Jar Binks. Darth Vader: Hey, Jar Jar, I've always wondered... what's your middle name? Jar Jar Binks: Jar Darth Vader: Oooh. Creative parents you had there, eh Jar Jar Jar Binks? Jar Jar Binks: Are yousa patronizing messa? Darth Vader: Imperial Commando, why aren't you shooting him? Imperial Commando: I'm testing my theory... Darth Vader: Oh? What theory is that? Imperial Commando: That THAT much stupidity is terminal. Darth Vader: If you let him kill himself Admiral Bob IV won't pop in here and say nice shot Imperial Commando... Imperial Commando: Well, arguably no... Jar Jar Binks: Hehehe, you said arguably! Hehehe. Darth Vader: I'm beginning to see what you mean Imperial Commando... Jar Jar (Jar) Binks: Get it, beginning.... HA HA HA HA HA!!! John: Hey, Imperial Commando... I've never shot Jar Jar Binks before... Imperial Commando: Oh, how about that. John: As in, I'd like to shoot him this week... Imperial Commando: You would? Aw, gee, how about that. I wonder what I should do... Should I kill Jar Jar Binks now, or wait for him to drop an anvil on himself or something first. (CLANG!!!) Jar Jar Binks: OOOOWWWWSA! Imperial Commando: I have to admit Darth, you have great timing with those anvils. But technically, Jar Jar (Jar) didn't drop it on himself... Darth Vader: No.... but he was about to.. Imperial Commando: Oh? What makes you say that? Darth Vader: The fact that he was holding it over his head, and saying I wonder if... Jar Jar Binks: Helllllloooooosa. Did it ever occur to yousa that meesa needs some helpsa here... Imperial Commando: I'll help you Jar Jar. Jar Jar Binks: You will? YAY Meesa has a fwend! (BANG!!!) Admiral Bob IV: Nice SHOT Imperial Commando! Imperial Commando: Why isn't Admiral Bob III here this week? Admiral Bob IV: Well, remember what he's had the last couple weeks? John: Oooh! I remember it! Can I say it? Imperial Commando: Uhhh... sure.. John: First he had Anthrax, then Ebola, a week later E-Coli, Influenza, and Hepatitis C. Admiral Bob IV: Errr... Yeah... As cool as I find your fascinations in my father's illnesses every week.... Imperial Comando: Come on! Just tell us what he has this week. Admiral Bob IV: I don't think I should... Imperial Commando: I think you SHOULD tell us, right? Readers:.... Imperial Commando:(That's your cue to say "Right!" Readers...) Readers: Oooooh.. Right! Admiral Bob IV: Well, this week, it turns out, he has Tuberculosis. Imperial Commando: Dang... He REALLY has the worst of bad luck, doesn't he? Readers:..... Imperial Commando:(Readers, that's your cue to say "Yeah, he sure does.") Readers: Yeah he sure does... John: What's with the readers this week? Imperial Commando: Oh, well, they're sick this week, so I had to hire their understudies. They're not all that smart. Emperor: Hey guys, I can swallow my toungue, want to see? Darth Vader: I wish I had a line in this part of the episode. John: ..... ANYWAY... Imperial Commando: Unlike most people in this meeting, I've actually offered a suggestion. John: Here's a suggestion... We could...............Damn! I ALWAYS speak before I have an idea. #2: Doctor Evil, we have- Oops, sorry, I think I'm in the wrong show... Imperial Commando: I think so too, where are you trying to go? #2: To, uh, the Austin Powers E-Zine. Imperial Commando: Really? How'd you get here? #2: I just followed the written instructions Doctor Evil gave me. Imperial Commando: Let me see those instructions... INSTRUCTIONS: Go to egroups. Take a left. Take another left. Take a right. Put it back. Mosy on over to the sci fi section of egroups. Go three E-Zines down, until you get to comedy. Ignore the part about win 100 billion dollars instantly. Zig zag every third E-Zine until you reach RebelPilot. Turn Left. Right. Then left again. It's the 4,368th E-Zine. Imperial Commando: I think I see the problem here. this is the 4,386th E-Zine. #2: Oh, sorry, my mistake. Imperial Commando: Oh, no problem. Great having you here. So, #2... How've you been since you got out of college? #2: Oh, I've been all right. Of course you know I started working for the Evil corporation. Imperial commando: Uh huh. #2: Well, then I took over in 1967 when Doctor Evil froze himself. Imperial Commando: Oh yeah, I heard about that. #2: And then I shifted the company, so that it made 90 billion dollars per year. Right up until 1997... Imperial Commando: Oh, yeah. That little adventure you had then was made into a movie, right? #2: Yes, it was. Imperial Commando: Austin Powers was it? #2: Yes. Imperial Commando: Oh well... Great talking to you again, just like old times. #2: You too.... too, two, get it? HA HA HA Imperial Commando: You've been working for Doctor Evil for too long. #2:(mumbling) Don't I know it. Imperial Commando: Well, bye! Darth Vader: I'm about to get a line. YAY!!! #2: Bye! Darth Vader: Well that was weird. Imperial Commando: Yeah, a little. Darth Vader: THERE! Did you guys see that, I actually had a LINE! Imperial Commando: Ok Darth Vader, I am aware that you don't enjoy being left out for extended periods of time, but it's really unavoidable, so if you could just learn to behave yourself... Emperor: Coooool... Hey guys... did you know that you can actually force yourself to throw up... By the way, Imperial Commando... I've got a little spot on the floor for you to clean up... Imperial Commando: Oh brother... Blue Leader: Yes? Imperial Commando: Go away. You're not supposed to even be in this episode. Austin Powers: Where'd #2 g- Oops, wrong E-Zine... Imperial Commando: Austin, you're looking for E-Zine number 4,368. This is 4,386. Austin Powers: Oops. Sorry. Imperial Commando: I know. #2 came in here and had the same problem. Darth Vader: All right Imperial Commando... As much as you LOVE to reminisc with cast members from other shows, inferior to Star Wars, we really need to get along with planning the pre-meeting for the meeting on how the meeting in issue 36 should go. John: Well, I've got an idea, why don't we go to an amusement park, and have the meeting there. Darth Vader: all in favor of the amusement park say nose... Nose. Imperial Commando: All opposed say eye. Nose. Emperor: Ma tonge! Ma tong! Ah swallowed ma tong! help help! Imperial Commando: He means to say nose, I'm sure. John: Eye. Darth Vader: John... you suggested the idea, why are you opposed to it? John: *I* suggested that? Nevermind, nose. Darth Vader: Final answer? John: Shut up. Darth Vader: As you wish. Hey cool... I acutally said that in the trilogy! Do any of the readers remember that? Readers: We do. Reader: I don't Readers: Well, he doesn't, but we do. Emperor: Hey neato... did you guys know that if you smoke, - Imperial Commando: Palpa Tine! Have you been getting into my cigarrettes? Emperor: Umm.... Yes. Imperial Commando: Why would you do that? Emperor: I thought you were on the patch... Imperial Commando: NO you idiot! I meant I had to patch my screen door! Emperor: Oh well... I hope those weren't expensive, because... they're gone now. Imperial Commando: WHAT?!?! Emperor: Oh, well... I hope those weren't expensive, becau- Imperial Commando: THEY'RE GONE!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EXPENSIVE THOSE ARE?!?! Emperor: No. Imperial Commando: Come here, I want to show you. Emperor: Ok... Darth Vader: You know Palpa Tine, you really shouldn't go over there. Emperor: Don't worry, everything's under control...(famous last words, eh?) Imperial Commando: THIS is how expensive they are you little Sonofa- (BANG! CRASH! BBOOOOM) (EXPLOSION) Imperial Commando: Take THAT you litte fu- ~~~~~~~Thank you, thank you~~~~~~ Comments? Questions? Flames? My e-mail is: imperial_commando@hotmail.com so feel free to e-mail me! The Empire is a free weekly E-(something), based on the adventures of Darth Vader, The Emperor, and the rest of the Empire Feel free to forward this mailing to any friends of yours who like Star Wars. Heck, save yourself the trouble, and get them to subscribe! If you didn't like this issue, I'll be funny next week, I promise Everything on here is © 2000 Imperial Commando, unless otherwise specified. If you want to use a bit of humor, tell me that you're doing it, and put my name by it if you can wherever you're putting it. To subscribe: the-empire-subscribe@egroups.com To UNsubscribe(Hey, wait, maybe this just wasn't a funny episode!): the-empire-unsubscribe@egroups.com -Imperial Commando