******Episode 15****** When Competing E-Zine editors meet Part II ~ ~ ~ ~ ' ~ ~ ~ ' ' ' ' ' '~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '~ ~ ''~ ~ ~ ~ ''~ ~ ~ ~ '' '' ''~~ ~~'' ''~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ''~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~'' ''~~ '' '' ~ ~ ''~ ~ '' '' '' ~ ~ ~ ~ '' ~~ ~~ '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ~~ '' '' ~~ ''~ ~ ~ '' ''~ ~ ~ ''~ ~ '' '' ~~~~ '' '' '' '' '' '' ''~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ '' ~~ '' ~ ~ ''~ ~ '' '' '' ''~ ~ ~ ~ '' '' '' ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ '' '' ~ ~ ~ ~ 'Just add water, stir, read, and enjoy!' WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HEROES, WELL, HERO RATHER, HE WAS ON THE DEATH STAR WITH REBELPILOT, AND A FEW OTHER REBELS THAT HAD COME TO RESCUE HIM, INCLUDING IMPERIAL COMMANDO'S BROTHER. HMMM, THIS SHOULD MAKE FOR AN INTERESTING STORY... ANYWAY, THE LAST COUPLE LINES OF LAST WEEK'S EPISODE WERE: RebelPilot: You have no idea who you're dealing with. Imperial Commando: Yes I do, you're a competing E-Zine editor. RebelPilot: Well, yeah, but besides that. Imperial Commando: Ok then, who are you? RebelPilot: He, he, ha, hoo, Hee, Ha HA HA HOO HEE HEE HA HA HA HO HO HO HA HE HA(breaks out in maniacal laughter) Imperial Commando:(Looking around) Um, ok, I'll..um.. find out who you are next week.(backs against a wall) SO LET'S CONTINUE FROM THERE, SHALL WE? AFTER ALL, THIS ISN'T LIKE THE X-FILES, WHERE WE'LL SUDDENLY GO BACK 24 HOURS TO FIND THAT THIS THING HAPPENED, AND THIS DIDN'T AND SO ON UNTIL- Imperial Commando: We are TRYING to work here, so shut up Bob. SORRY. RebelPilot: I thought he got fired a few weeks ago. Imperial Commando: Yeah, well, you know... shift happens. RebelPilot: Ah, ok. So, now, let's start from the same place. Imperial Commando: Right. Ahhhhhehhhehehehehhhem. mememememememe... Ok, then who are you? RebelPilot: Luke.. Err, Imperial Commando, I... am your mother... FATHER, I am your FATHER.(talking to himself) Father, I am your father. ERG! Blue Two: Really dad? Err, mom.. Err, um, RebelPilot. RebelPilot: Yes, check your birth certificate. Imperial Commando: I don't have one. Blue Two: I do! Imperial Commando: Really? I thought you told me you didn't when we were kids. Blue Two: I lied... Now how do you spell Blue? Imperial Commando: B-L-U-E, why? Blue Two: NOW I have a birth certificate! Imperial Commando: Give me THAT! It says here, FATHER: Pilot, Rebel Oh. hmmm, I guess you are my father. Well, that means I was Rebel-born. RebelPilot: Not really, I was once an Imperial too, then I grew up. Imperial Commando: Ha, ha, really. Pilot, Rebel: Ok, then I matured. Imperial Commando: Imperial Commando doesn't like the way this conversation is turning out. RebelPilot: Perhaps Imperial Commando should become a Rebel. Imperial Commando: Perhaps Imperial Commando SHOULDN'T. RebelPilot: Ok son, um, perhaps you should stop referring to yourself in the third person. Imperial Commando: Imperial Commando wants to know what's wrong with referring to himself in the third person. RebelPilot: Well, for one, it's beginning to scare me. Imperial Commando: YOU think YOU'RE scared. Ha! Imperial Commando was VERY scared at the end of the last issue. RebelPilot: All right already, but WHY are you referring to yourself in the third person? Imperial Commando: Imperial Commando must have Bob Dole-itis. RebelPilot: Oh, I had that once. It's better to get it out of the way when you're young, you know? Imperial Commando: YOUNG?!? Imperial Commando is NOT young. He is going to take offense at what you said. Darth Vader:(walks in) Ok, Imperial Commando, you can stop now. Imperial Commando: Ok. Darth Vader: What? Just like that? You can stop having Bob Dole-itis at will? Imperial Commando: I guess so. Darth Vader: Dang, and to think, I had it for almost a MONTH. Imperial Commando: Yeah, Oh, Bye Rebels, come again soon! Darth Vader: Wait-a-minute Imperial Commando: Yes, I know, let them go...for now. Darth Vader: No, I mean, I thought I was on tour in Switzerland. How'd I get back here? Imperial Commando: Oh, um I needed you for the story. AHEM, NOW, THIS NEXT SCENE TAKES PLACE BY THE HANGER BAY DOORS. THE REBELS ARE WALKING TOWARD THEM, AND WE FIND OUR HEROES SOMEHOW ALREADY THERE, WAITING FOR THEM. THAT'S WHERE THIS SCENE STARTS. Darth Vader: All right RebelPilot, you still have some information on that sheet of paper in your pocket- Yoink! Blue Leader: Yoink? RebelPilot: Yoink? Imperial Commando: Yoink. Blue Two: Yoink? Darth Vader:(nodding) Yoink. Emperor: Yoink. Blue Two: Yoink! Darth Vader: Yoink? Imperial Commando: Yoink? Darth Vader: Yoink? Blue Two: Yoink. Blue Leader: Yoink? RebelPilot: Yoink? Imperial Commando: Yoink! YOINK? Blue Four:(walking in.) All right, what just happened? Darth Vader: I'll sum up. In the middle of talking, I saw the sheet of paper partially sticking out of RebelPilot's pocket, so I grabbed it, also saying yoink. While everyone except Imperial Commando, and me was confused, they kept saying yoink. Blue Two was the first to recover, and then took the sheet of paper from me. Everyone except Imperial Commando was then confused, and Imperial Commando took it from Blue Two. Blue Four: Oh, Yoink! Blue Leader: Yoink? Imperial Commando: Yoink? Darth Vader: LET'S NOt Start that again. Imperial Commando: Sorry, GET BACK HERE WITH THAT PAPER BLUE FOUR!!!! Darth Vader: Allow me to handle it.(pulls out his light saber, and turns it on.) Blue Four:(Pulls out his light saber) If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Darth Vader: Look old man, When I left you, I was but a learner, now *I* am the master- Wait-a-minute, You were NEVER my master. In fact, I've never met you in my life! Blue Four: Yeah, I know, it was a spur of the moment type th-(gets struck down, or is it striked?) Blue Leader: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Blue Two: Oh quit yer whinin' Blue Leader: Yoink!(pulls the sheet of paper out of Blue Four's pocket) RebelPilot: Yoink? Darth Vader: Can we PLEASE not start that again! RebelPilot: Sorry, I must have zoned out when you said that. I was too busy working on the next issue for RebelPilot, and thinking about how much better I am than my son, because I have so many more readers than him. Imperial Commando: Hey, while you guys were babbling, I went and checked some records, apparently I DO have a birth certificate, and it turns out that you're NOT my father Pilot, Rebel. RebelPilot: Oh, who is. Imperial Commando: Someone named James Commando, and my mom is Sarah Commando. RebelPilot: How about that. Imperial Commando: You know what that means? RebelPilot: No, what? Imperial Commando: We're not going on that road trip we were planning this weekend, because according to this thing, I'm supposed to be your sworn enemy, or something. Blue Four: AUGGGHHH!!! RebelPilot: What was THAT!?! Darth Vader: That was Blue Four going into the great death star in the sky... or whatever you rebels use as a base. RebelPilot: Oh, I think it's on planets, such as hoth, um, and others. Darth Vader: Anyway, while you two were babbling, Blue Four was making a gettaway. It's a good thing I stopped him, otherwise he would have escaped. RebelPilot:(muttering) I hope the old man got the tractor beam down, otherwise this is gonna be ONE short trip. Imperial Commando: What was that? RebelPilot: Nothing. Imperial Commando: whatever. Oh, but it says here that you're my godmother...FATHER, my godFATHER. I knew something sounded wrong with that. RebelPilot: Ok, ha ha, this joke has gone on long enough. So what, I misspoke myself ONCE, and I hear about it FOREVER! Imperial Commando: Yeah, I know the feeling. The reporter family still hasn't forgiven me for a little misshap in issue four, with me thinking that their oldest, Ima, was just telling me his job, not his name, when he said Ima Reporter. But that's an entirely different story. Darth Vader: DOINK! Imperial Commando: Doink? RebelPilot: Doink? Blue Two: Doink? What's doink. Darth Vader: The sound of you getting a raise, congratulations Blue Leader. Blue Two: Yeah, but what was that? Darth Vader: Oh, it was my light saber hitting flesh. Imperial Commando: Remind me to confiscate that thing. Well, congrats bro, you've finally achieved your life-long goal... You are now Blue Leader, but do you mind if I ask you a question... We killed a lot of Blue Squadron pilots in the first battle, where are these people coming from? Blue Leader(formerly BLue Two): Well DUH, we hire more people(smacks his head) Darth Vader: Shall I kill him, and RebelPilot? Imperial Commando: Nah, RebelPilot's my friend, he can live, and, well, Blue Leader's my brother. I can't kill him, I need him to appear in future episodes. Darth Vader: You, and RebelPilot were enemies at the beginning of this, right? Well, then the moral of these two issues are: Even two of the worst enemies can become friends when one tries to steal enemy secrets, and temporarily gets away with it. Imperial Commando: I WILL fire you Darth. Don't think I won't do it, because I WILL. Darth Vader: Give me a week of psycho-therapy, and I'll be A-Ok. Imperial Commando: Riiiiiight. ~~~~~~~TRIBUTE TO REBELPILOT~~~~~~~ RebelPilot's personality is QUITE different from the way he was portrayed in these two episodes, and he DOES run a fairly funny E-Zine, from a REBEL viewpoint. To sign up to his list, go to rebelpilot-subscribe@egroups.com. ~~~~~~~R.R.Q. Time~~~~~~ Rediculas Rebel Questions: Blue Leader(formerly Blue Two): Why don't Tie Fighters, bombers, and interceptors have sheilds? Imperial Commando: Because most of those pilots are barely aware they're alive. NEXT! Blue Four: What if I don't like the way I was portrayed in this? Imperial Commando: Talk to RebelPilot. He's cool about it, and was portrayed WAY worse than you. NEXT! Blue Four: Yeah, but he's, well, RebelPilot. Imperial Commando: I thought I said NEXT!!! Blue Four: What if he's really an Imperial incognito? Imperial Commando: What if he's not? NEXT THERE ARE NO MORE QUESTIONS IMPERIAL COMMANDO. Imperial Commando: Ok then, this is the part where most people stop reading. ~~~~~~~Thank you, thank you~~~~~~ Comments? Questions? Flames? My e-mail is: imperial_commando@hotmail.com so feel free to e-mail me! The Empire is a free weekly E-(something), based on the adventures of Darth Vader, The Emperor, and the rest of the Empire Feel free to forward this mailing to any friends of yours who like Star Wars. Heck, save yourself the trouble, and get them to subscribe! If you didn't like this issue, I'll be funny next week, I promise Everything on here is © 2000 Imperial Commando, except the ascii art, (except for the ASCII titles) and the top ten lists. After all, I'M not clever enough to come up with those! To subscribe: the-empire-subscribe@egroups.com To UNsubscribe(why'd you subscribe in the first place then?): the-empire-unsubscribe@egroups.com -Imperial Commando