It's another grey day today. It's not cold, but it's definately grey, and unfortunately it's one of those days where you can't help but have your mood reflect the weather. I don't mean to sound sad or depressing, but it's just one of those grey kind of days. They happen. I know sunshine is coming, and I'm looking forward to that, but I guess without the grey, we wouldn't really appreciate the sun now would we?
It was two weeks before we were to leave school for Chinese New Year. The anticipation was building for teachers and students alike. Three weeks of holidays! For those of us from Canada it felt like we had won the lottery! We would never get anything like this back home! Sure we had worked like dogs for the whole month of January, but then we get pretty much the whole month of February off to compensate! So needless to say, everyone was planning big exciting adventures. Some people were going home, some were going to Vietnam, Cambodia or Thailand, and I was going to Beijing. See I love the snow. I NEED snow. It's a life source for me. There's something so revujenating about looking a pure white world and just marvelling at the beauty and perfection that a blanket of snow brings. I love walking outside and seeing my breath. It offers visual evidence of something we usually can't see, of the miracle that is life. Something we take for granted all to often. But when you're looking at your breath, how can you help but contemplate the wonder of your existance? And when you wake up in the morning and there's intricate frost patterns all over your bedroom window, how can you deny intelligent design, that the world was created to be beautiful and breath-taking? To me winter is a significant time of the year for me, and being here, being denied a white winter has been hard. So I was heading off to Beijing for a little snow and some sub-zero temperatures. It was going to be a good holiday. I wasn't going alone, so I was confident and comfortable with the trip. I'm doing okay being independent here in Guangzhou, but venturing clear across the country by myself is still too intimidating. It was almost time to pay for our tickets and I had been excited about this trip since it's conception back in October. Plus, this meant snow for my birthday so how much more perfect could you get? So remember that grey day in the principal's office? Yeah, I should have known, that nothing is the way it seems or should be here in China. Right in the middle of all the midterm and report card stuff another bomb dropped. Beijing wasn't going to happen. It was like a knife to my heart. The significance of that news had huge implications for the rest of my life here in China. I could barely take it all in, and even now, I still don't understand how far-reaching this event is going to be. My first thought was, "I'm going home." I was ready to buy my ticket and just get out of China for three weeks. I was done, I had nothing left in me. It was as if something had just sucked the life right out of me, and even breathing was a task too difficult to attempt. It's one thing when your work life is stressful, because you can go home to feel better. It's also one thing when your personal life is difficult because at least you can go to work and feel good about what you're doing there. But when everything in your life is chaos, there's no where to go for solace. That's where I found myself, the only place I wanted to go was home. "That's it kids! Back to Winnipeg!" And then something amazing happened. A gift from heaven just dropped right into my lap. The day after Beijing fell apart, I was talking to another teacher on the way to school and she invited me to join her and three other girls in Thailand. Now you may be thinking, "how is that so amazing?" But see here's the thing. Going home would be hard. I would be sad the whole time because all I would be thinking about would be that I would have to leave. It's not that I don't love it here in China, because I actually do. But being surrounded by people I love and who care about me would just be too hard to leave. I certainly have a new appreciation for everyone back at home now that's for sure! Anyways, excuse the mush. So Thailand. When one door closes, another opens. Beijing represented this whole experience I had been dreaming of for what seemed life ever. Snow, cold, monumental sight-seeing adventures. The typical Chinese tourism experience. One of those life essentials if you're going to come to China. Thailand is the total opposite. It's anything but China. We're talking luxurious days of beaching in 30+ degree weather every day, unbelieveable shopping and wide expanses of blue-green ocean. When first faced with these two choices, I took snow and cold, because that's what I thought I needed in my life. It's what I know, it's what I've wanted for so long and it felt safe. But sometimes we don't know what we really need. And sometimes life takes control of itself and we just go along for the ride. So I'm off to Thailand in four days and I'm feeling surprisingly good about it. I'm starting to let go of my control-freak nature and an my emotional flexibility is starting to match my physical flexibility (I'm LOVING the yoga here!!!!!). A new day is dawning in China for me. I'm putting my security blanket in the closet and I'm venturing out into the great, big unknown.