The Living Legend - Chris Jericho

"You people have been led to believe that mediocrity is excellence. UH-UH.JERICHO is excellence!" -C.J to the WWF Fans

"Welcome to RAW IS JERICHO. I am the millenium man and the saviour of the World Wrestling Federation. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Chris Jericho. The most charasmatic man to enter your living rooms via the medium of television and for those you you who do know me, all hail the Ayatollah of Rock & Rolla!" - C.J to The Rock and to the WWF Fans

"Personification of evil - ha! I say personification of BOREDOM! The only thing scary about you two is the amount of TV time you get which causes the people to pick up the remote and change the channel, looking for a hero. Well STOP changing the channel because your hero has ARRIVED!" - C.J to Undertaker and Big Show

"Ken Shamrock, now I know you consider yourself the World's Most Dangerous Man, but after watching your performance tonight, the only dangerous thing about you is if people watch your matches while they're operating heavy machinery." - C.J to Ken Shamrock

"This is not a fabricated, pretend sport like the Ultimate Fighting Championships... no, this is sports entertainment. This is real. And in this realm, MY realm, *I* am the World's Most Dangerous Man." - C.J to Ken Shamrock

"Rock, maybe you should accept the marriage proposal of this retard - I mean, I think that you would be perfect as the woman in a male and male relationship. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Let's look at the evidence! Your ridiculous, effeminate hairstyle - your flashy, yet oh so sassy Versace wardrobe collection - and the worst example of all, your obsessive fixation with sticking inanimate objects up other male's anusses!" - C.J to Rock and Mankind

"The thought of you as a credible and believable champion is an idea even more ridiculously enhanced than your breasts are." - C.J to Chyna

"X-Pac, I am THRILLED that you were able to hook up with Tori - for the first time in your entire life - you finally got to kiss a GIRL! How'd it feel?" - C.J to X-Pac

"Tonight I have to wrestle Big Viscera - but, I gotta be honest with all the Jerichoholics tonight, I'm a little intimidated - as anybody would be if you had to face the love child of Mr. T and Fat Albert. But I gotta warn you, Viscera the Hut! Ah pity the fool who messes with Y2J!" - C.J to Viscera

"Kirk Angel, as Confucious once said, 'if you ain't got nothin' entertaining to say, then shut - the hell - up!' You say that since Y2J has had the intercontinental championship that America has fallen into a decline. Well I say that since you've been standing in that ring, babbling on that microphone, America has fallen asleep! When you look at yourself, you see a courageous Olympic hero, but when I look atcha, all I see is a ridiculous Special Olympics jackass." - C.J to Kurt Angle

"I know that a lot of you people expect me to brag and gloat about the fact that I ended Ken Shamrock's career, but to be quite honest, that's EXACTLY what I'm gonna do! Scamrock, you should be absolutely thrilled that you survived your encounter with Y2J with only a body cast and traction to worry about - I mean, I am one bad mamma jamma - look at my track record. Road Dogg - career ending injury. Scamrock - incapacitated indefinitely. And now tonight, the World Wrestling Federation's newest Most Dangerous Man is going to end the career of the World Wrestling Federation's biggest waste of sperm in YOU Big Show because when I'm finished you will never, EEEEEEVER bore these Jerichoholics again!" - C.J to The Big Show

"Shamrock, well, let's discuss the name Shamrock, first and foremost - 'SHAM,' you are most definitely a fake, a sham, a liar, a scam... I mean, the World's Most Dangerous Man, give me a break. And 'ROCK?' You don't rock - Jericho rocks!" - C.J to Ken Shamrock

"Kirk Angel, I admit you've got the intercontinental championship - but you've also got bad breath and a terrible case of BO! And I would much rather look like this than look like a 30-year-old, never-kissed-a-woman Olympic geek who still lives at home with his Mommy, so Mrs. Angel, put down your double whiskey sour, pick the corn chips from between your teeth, and get ready to see your baby boy JACKASS get a Y2J beating that he, and you will never... ever forget a-gain." - C.J to Kurt Angle

"Eddie, Chyna, contrary to what you may or may not believe, I am absolutely ecstatic that you two are together. I mean, Y2J is joyful that you two have hooked up, but I only have one question - in your little relationship, which one of you two is the man? And just out of curiosity, which one of you two has the bigger package?" - C.J to Eddy Guerrero and Chyna

"Seriously, Eddie - I think the Taco Bell chihuahua has more Latino heat than you." - C.J to Eddy Guerrero

"Last week, I was punished for calling Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley a bargain basement slut - yeah - and I also called her the filthiest, dirtiest, most disgustingly skankiest, brutal, bottom-feeding trashbag ho I had ever - EEEEEEVER - seen in my life. So I came out here tonight to apologise. I came to apologise to all of the bargain basement sluts... and to all of the filthy, disgusting, dirty, skanky, brutal, bottom-feeding, trashbag ho's - I apologise for even comparing you to the miserable slimeball pig that IS Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. So I apologise for offending anybody, with the exception of Stephy Baby." - C.J to Stephanie McMahon

"I will fight Chris Beniot on a boat, I will fight Chris Beniot as a goat, I will fight Chris Beniot when the scores are tied, I will fight Chris Beniot as a blushing bride, I will fight Chris Beniot while he is taking a quiz, I will fight Chris Beniot because of the total jackass that he is! You see Beniot, i will fight u anywhere coz baby i am WHY-TWO-JAY!"

On Big Show-
~ "You know Big Show, you don't have to worry about not having a father anymore because tonight, I AM YOUR DADDY! Do you really think you deserve to be heavyweight champion just because you're over seven feet tall? Because like your girlfriend tells you, size doesn't matter. What matters is charisma and showmanship, both of which you have absolutely none of. What you deserve to be doing is carrying my bags into the arena and begging me not to kick your dimpled, cottage cheese, ASS. So what I want tonight is a no BS, no rule, no disqualification heavyweight championship match, because what I want- and what all these jerichoholics want- is that belt, which you can't even fit around your chubby gut, around this gorgeous and sexy waist!"

On Mark Henry-
~ "Mike Henry, I can't beleive you would be so stupid as to stand up for that loser Chyna's honor. All she had to do was admit to me that I was the better performer at Survivor Series, that I should be the Intercontinental Champion, but she didn't and let's just say- well, she won't be doing any hitchhiking soon. But Chyna, look on the bright side- when you go the manacurist, you can get the "no thumb" discount- but more importantly, you know who the better MAN is."

On Kane-
~ "Kane, I must admit I was relieved when I found out that your problem with me did not revolve around a cup of coffee. But, when I hear your real reason, it really perplexed me. Let me get this straight- you're jealous because you think Y2J is one of the 'pretty people'? Well, first of all, I find it a little unsettling that a seven foot tall, 350 pound grown man finds me to be pretty. And second of all, Kane, have you seen these sideburns? There's nothing pretty about these monstrosities! But don't get me wrong, I guess- I guess I can be considered a... halfway decent looking guy.Cause I know Kane, we all have our pretty side. But we all have our ugly side as well. And I know that you are more than just an ugly, disfigured face. I mean, deep down inside, you are an ugly, disfigured, unforgiving, unrelenting monster. BUT I must warn you- Y2J also has an ugly side. Y2J also has a disfigured side cause believe me jerky, there's nothing pretty about wanting to decapitate you with ring steps! And there is nothing pretty about enjoying it so much that I want to do it over and over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER... so tonight after I beat you, Undertaker and Chris Benoit and I become #1 contendor for the World Wrestling Federation Championship, we can go in the back, we can relax and we can exchange beauty tips. Cause beleive me, when this is done you will never (ever!) I said you will never (ever!) ever be the same a-gain!"

On Tazz and Raven-
~ "Tazz, Raisin, would you please SHUT THE HELL UP? You know, for the last couple of weeks, i've had a table broken over my stomach, i've had a pair of nunchucks whack me over the head, i've been smashed in the face with a glass bottle, but none of these things were half as painful as sitting back there listening to your brutally boring speeches! What about you? What about Raisin? I mean, you might as well ask 'what about the plight of the african anteater?' Or 'what about the price of back bacon is Saskatoon?' Or how about 'what about the fact that nobody cares about any of these questions and nobody gives a damn about either of you two?' But what about all these jerichoholics, what they do care about is seeing Y2J, so why don't you two... special chums... agree to a tag match against, let's say, Jerry 'The King' Lawler... and the Ayatolla of Rock and Rolla, right here on Smackdown!"

~ "Tazz, would you please SHUT THE HELL UP? Ever since you came to the ring and started jabbering on, the mood has changed to one of complete and utter BOREDOM- and just to let you know, since you've already challenged and been beaten senseless by both the King and JR, I just wanted to let you know that the ring announcers, the ring crew, the camera guys, the lighting guys, the bell ringer, the time keeper, the merchindise salesman and the popcorn vendor in teh 17th row wanna piece o' you too! And I know that you considah yoself to be a street... thug. And I consider ya to be nothin' moah than a schoolyard bully, and i'm gonna treat you like I treated all schoolyard bullies when I was growing up. I'm gonna put ya in the Walls of Jericho, and i'm gonna keep ya in it, 'til you run home screamin and cryin to ya mutha."

~ "Tazz, I can see how you might have a big head, I mean you are the star of MTV's Tough Enough. But I think there is another MTV series that fits you much better... it's called JACKASS!"

On Stone Cold Steve Austin-
~ "Ever since WrestleMania the eternal question has been why. Why did you sell your soul to Vince McMahon? After two months of speculation, I do not give a damn why you did it. My therory on why you did it is because you are a jackass. In selling your soul to Vince, you acheivied the impossible. You managed to become a bigger slut than Stephanie McMahon."

On The Radicalz-
~ "You know, it is nice to see, in this holiday season that even the Radicalz have found that special somebody to cuddle up to. I mean, you have Perry Saturn with his girlfriend Terri... and then you have Dean Malurkel and his 'when hell freezes over and platypuses fly out of my butt' girlfriend Lita. And then you have Chris Benoit, Mr. Roboto, I was so excited for you when I found out that you too, found that special someone. And judging from this photograph you two are a perfectly matched couple! *Jericho puts a picture of Benoit and Rosie the maid from the Jetsons on the video screen* That is a beautiful shot- and now that you've found her, I guess now all you want for christmas is your one front tooth. Monocles- it's go time!"