I just hate that every time I meet a guy I like I can't stop thinking about him. It's annoying actually. No matter how busy I get, or how much I have to do, I always manage to think about them maybe a hundred times more than they think about me. I hate it!

But today, that's not what I'll talk about. I want to talk a little bit about my life. For some reason, I can't sleep lately. I get home from work, then I sleep for a couple of hours. Before I know it, I'm awake again, wondering why on Earth I'm not sleeping. I get up and get something to eat, because maybe I'm hungry (I'm still losing weight like crazy for no reason). Then I check emails, do some random searches to kill time, then I get the urge to write. Today, instead of writing about my ideas for novels, I actually decided that it would be nice to join a book club. I thought about how much fun it would be to find a group of people I could count on to meet with each week about something we all read. Mostly I think I just want some companionship. I don't have many friends (I didn't have many even when I was in the States) and I just want to find a community of people that I can hang out with regularly that also regularly want to hang out with me. I'm not tired of being alone, but I'm tired of not having anyone to talk about. I want to meet people, but it's exhausting to meet them all individually. I want to have a group that I can call my own, that wants to hang out and can hang out often. I guess I just miss my High School and College days when those kinds of groups were common and easily accessible. I really want a group of good friends that I can hang out with everyday... but life isn't like that anymore. It's hard even to find one good friend that is willing to hang out with you regularly. It's hard to find kindred spirits, people that are willing to give you their time.

Maybe that's why I think about the guys I like so much. Maybe I want them to be my new best friends and I want spend all my time with them. But in the end, it's really expecting too much from just one person. Life these days relies of variety. You have to know lots of people and make lots of different plans for your life to feel fulfilled.

All I want is one person. Is that so hard? One person to share my time with. I don't care if it's a best friend or a lover or whatever. I just want someone to share my days with. I don't mind being on my own, sometimes I long for solitude most of all, but I do want someone that I can talk to. I thought my roommate Rika would be that person, but things have turned out differently.

I'm a simple girl with simple desires. I don't really want to be famous or rich. I just want to live my life comfortably, working hard for what I get and enjoying life. Can one really do that without the company of others?