Titel: Memories
Autor: Leya
Disclaimer: The characters used in this story are the sole property of J.K. Rowling.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Charaktere: Lucius/Draco
Word Count: 710
Rating: R

If this is the how he shows his love I will never experience his hate.

Memories

#-#-#

When I remember all the men I had in my life there are some I’m sure I will never forget. All of them formed me, made me what I am now. A heartless bastard. Cold and unable to love. But all those man only took my body, never anything more. All except one.

The first one who ever laid his hands on me was my father. It was two days after my twelfth birthday when he ordered me to meet him in his study. I was excited. Father rarely talked to me in private. Most of the time he ignored me and gave me the feeling of being invisible and unwanted.

I entered his room in expectation of a late birthday present and that was exactly what I got.

He waited for me with a false smile on his face, his shirt partly unbuttoned and his hair slightly tousled. I stared at him in something comparable to a shock. Never before I had seen him so full of life, so...human.

While I watched him he neared and put his arm around my shoulder. ‚There is something I wanted to give to you, little dragon. It’s something special for your birthday.‘

Out of the blue he pressed his mouth against my lips, pushing his tongue inside. Suddenly hundreds of unknown sensations flooded my mind. His mouth was hot and wet promising me love and at the same time scaring me to death.

I didn’t understand. After the first shock decreased I pushed against his chest, trying to force him off but he wouldn’t let me.

‚It’s alright, Draco. I only want to show you my love, little one. It’s a very special gift for you.‘ He whispered in my ear while his hands unbuttoned my shirt. He threw it to the floor and his hands explored my skin. ‚I love you, sweetheart. Let me show you how much I care.‘

I looked at him feeling dazed. Confusion fought in my mind against my instinct to cry for help. He was my father. Of course I loved him and all my life I wished for his attention but everything seemed so wrong...I ‚knew‘ it was wrong. I small part of my mind knew exactly what my father was doing to me. I’ve heard of such things in school but I never thought my father was able to do it to me.

Incest. The word echoed in my mind and soul sending a shivering through my body. This couldn’t happen. Not me. It wasn’t possible.

I whimpered fearfully as his hands opened my trousers and one of his hands touched my member. ‚Shhh...do not cry. I won’t hurt you.‘

He wiped the tears from my eyes. I hadn’t realised I was crying and I waited for him to punish me for this lack of self-possession but he only kissed me again and caressed my body with his hands. Finally I gathered enough strength to push him away. ‚No.‘

This time his smile vanished. His eyes went hard and unforgiving. ‚I never said you could refuse.‘ After that I gave up all my attempts to stop him. He made his decision and there was nothing I could do about.

He had his way with me. This day wasn’t the only one. He used me countless times but I never told anyone. Who would believe me? So I hid my hurt and pain and pretended everything was alright. But deep in my soul, when I lay awake in the middle of the night and sleep won’t come I’m still not sure what I felt this day.

I had to give him my innocence to gain his attention and that’s something I won’t ever forgive. He manipulated and overwhelmed me, forced me to do thing I didn’t want to but at the same time I felt...loved. For the first time in my whole life I felt loved by my father and that’s why I hate him.


END