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叶蒨文对于张国荣跳楼身亡事件见解
Dear ALL,
I have something to say about Leslies very tragic decision to take his own life.
I realise that we will all be forever wondering what in the world made him do what he did. Speculation will be rampant in the papers, the magazines, and of course in everyones hearts and minds. What I ask of you is not to be too certain of what the papers and magazines might say. At this very tragic time, its not up to us to speculate the reasons because only ONE Person knows WHY he did this and now he's gone. For us to speculate and believe the stories may not be fair and could be inaccurate. I've not read the papers but I've heard many a stories thru the entertainment grapevine, thru his Friends, and confidents and let me give you the truth that even his very closest Friends are baffled so no One could really come closer to knowing than the people who know him best and who are so dedicated and sad now and because they still don't know. So I ask of all of you, please don't take for granted that it must be emotions or his love life, or whatever.. Below are the FACTS that I DO know....
He was loved by all his Friends, and he does have many. How many are TRUE Friends, I don't know, but he knew everyone and was pretty Friendly with most.
He did have a complex, but in speaking with him and knowing him, although not close for more than 20 years now, it was nore to do with insecurity, with wanting people to accept him for some reason, even if you DID accept him and even if people were fawning all over him, he still needed reassurance. He usually got what he needed and wanted.
He has the best partner in the whole world. Duffy is the most amazing Partner I have ever known of. In the Homosexual world or not, Leslie could not have found a more devoted person. Anyone would be lucky to have a Duffy by their side! He is smart, intelligient, nice, good looking, educated, humble, quiet, solid, independent etc... All the things anyone would want in a personality. He was dedicated and devoted to Leslie from day one and I knew about them when I met Leslie when I got to HKG from 1984. He could have met Duffy even before then, but ever since they have been a very special relationship and much admired couple.
He was totally financially secure for the rest of his life.
In his career, from an objective view, he was in prime of it. He was well respected not only by the audience but also by his peers, retained his beautiful physical appearance, looking much younger than his actual years, and dared to do artistic manuevers that most other HKG entertainers including myself would not want to, or dare to challenge in the HKG market. He was by all accounts, "an individual" and "dared to be different". That is very admirable from all angles and by anyone who admires or knows him.
He had a Godmother who loved him more than she loved her own 2 blood Sons who had grown up also very good kids, and accepted that she loved Leslie so very much. Everytime I have ever seen Leslie, 8 out of 10 times, she was with him. She also liked Lam very much and came to all of Lams concerts. She was a very nice woman and when we were in London her real Son invited us to his home and we met his family etc. Nice Godmother, which one of us wouldn't envy that?
He had a loving Family of his own. With so many Children in his Family, he loved his Mother and seems his Father was good to him too although don't know what kind of news will come out of that.
From my point of view and what I have learned of him thru the years, on the surface, with the notes I mention above, he was Handsome, had personality, was creative, had Friends, successful in love, people to love him, rich beyond his means... something 99% of human beings on this planet dream about and take a lifetime to pursue this dream. Why I am I telling you all this? Because I realise one thing. And that one thing is that you can have ALL of the above, which is EVERYTHING..... but it will be NOTHING.... and you will have NOTHING, if you are not HAPPY in your Mind and your Heart. The ONE thing Leslie did NOT have was HAPPINESS! I've always said that every year my B-day wish is always the same. I just want to be HAPPY! People ask me why I always have this wish and why I wish it every single year. So boring it gets. Well, cos it is the root of all goodness! Because without Happiness, everything is meaningless. Its like a car with no Gas. 4 wheels, and all the intricate details in between cannot run without GAS. Like a Machine with No batteries, a TV with no plug to plug into a socket with Electricity. Each of these items, Car, Machine, TV, has many many intricate intricate components, and chips etc... but ALL those components and chips combined together cannot run without the one single component that is needed to MAKE them or ENABLE them to run. So as we human beings. Without Happiness, we are without Gas, without Batteries and without electricity to run ourselves properly and smoothly. I've thought hard about this and it is important to us all that we all be HAPPY and do good things and forget about finding out and knowing WHY Leslie did what he did. Because we will never know the complexity of it. Its done,its over, and he had to do it because he couldn't bear the UNhappiness anymore. THAT much WE ARE SURE OF because he wrote that with his own words, by his own hands, and thats all we have to go by. SO our biggest lesson here is to make sure we are HAPPY no matter what, and that all of the "superficials" on Leslies list can MAKE us happy, None of the items on Leslies list can mean ANYthing if we are not HAPPY. We have to find Happiness beyond persuing that superficial dream and see happiness in the basics, that we are alive, that we are filled with a mission to appreciate our life on matter what course it takes, good or not, and refrain from speculattion and judging others, and being mean to others for no reason.
There is much to be UNhappy about now, but I just landed in States where I am now, where there is a War, but I just left HKG where there is SARS. Sigh... what to do? I'm just looking forward to each day as it comes now and seeing the good in each detail, no matter how minute, in each day. I promised to do a show so I will do it unless someone asks me not to. I will fulfill my responsibilities no matter how mundane or trivial they seem, because I'm too happy that I even HAVE responsibilities and worries, and duties etc...Today I went to look at my flowers, and I'm appreciating they are so beautiful. Today Lam saw his favorite ice cream by accident, where he wasn't expecting it and his eyes lit up and enjoyed consuming it so much too, it was adoring to watch. It occurred to me that there is so much to be happy about, even in the tiniest little things. Which means that we have to appreciate and notice EACH component that makes up the human body, and how all these components need to work together as a whole to keep us going.
My Friend said something very sensible. At this very moment everyone from HKG to USA is trying so hard to stay alive and Leslie has to give up his life. Well, that is his choice, and he does have a right to make that choice, but I guess he never thought about how long and how many people will suffer for a long long time because he made that choice. I wonder if it is better that 1 person suffer themselves silly, instead of so many people suffering for such along time to come? Especially living with such a BIG ??? Question mark? I don't know. But I don't want to guess. I just want to live and be Happy....... about anything I can think of.........and I will! Hope you all will too....
Sally
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