I stuck my dick inside a reindeer
When Santa came to my house Christmas Eve
You can say that I'm a pervert,
But the orgasm feels so good so I don't care

I masturbate all year thinking about reindeer
I even masturbate on Easter
But as soon as I cum
I'm pissed off because I ain't fucking a reindeer

I got so depressed
I tried auto-erotic asphyxia,
But my roommate found me and called 911
And ended in a mental institution

I stuck my dick inside a reindeer
When Santa came to my house Christmas Eve
You can say that I'm a pervert,
But the orgasm feels so good so I don't care

I started taking Prozac,
So I don't get so depressed,
But the good news is
I still think about Reindeer when I beat off

I was happy last Christmas
When I got to stick my dick in a reindeer
But then I caught some sexual disease
And my dick burning up with pus dripping out

I stuck my dick inside a reindeer
When Santa came to my house Christmas Eve
You can say that I'm a pervert,
But the orgasm feels so good so I don't care

I went to the doctor for my penis pain
And I told him that I fucked a reindeer
And that bastard didn't keep it confidential
And told everyone in town

A Catholic Priest wanted to give me an exorcism
To get those reindeer fucking demons out of me
But I found out that he sticks his dick in altar boys
So he has no right to throw stones

I stuck my dick inside a reindeer
When Santa came to my house Christmas Eve
You can say that I'm a pervert,
But the orgasm feels so good so I don't care

Pat has been good at being a writer, but he wasn't so good at writing songs until he wrote this dirty Christmas song!  Yes, he's a philospher, but you have to escape the shit of the "real world" once in awhile and have a sense of humor or you will go insane and not only that, it's too fucking depressing!  That's why you need to continue reading Pat's 2006 Vision of the World Page, where you will hear a lot of the depressing shit and unfuckingfortunately, Pat doesn't have a lot of the answers and he certainly fucking wishes that he did, but he has more vision than most people, which will lead to finding the answers!