If you think that Ralph Nader was radical, wait until you hear what I have planned. I probably won't win because there are not enough people intelligent enough to vote for me. In order to be elected president, you need to tell the people a bunch of bullshit and lies. There is nothing that the people of this country hate more than someone telling them the truth. Telling people in this country a bunch of bullshit and lies gives them a feeling of comfort and joy. I'll still focus on what I would do as president.

     A serious major issue that our beloved crooked government and corporate media doesn't want you to know about is how this planet has become so overpopulated and there is way too much breeding going on. There are way too many people having too many babies and not enough food and money to go around to take care of them and we are on the brink of major catastrophes, which includes poisoning the air, the breakdown of the ozone, global warming and fucking up our environment. As president, I will focus on family planning, instead of family values, but better yet, don't plan a family at all. With that in mind, people may be wondering what my views are on abortion? Well, abortion is 1 of the most beautiful things in the whole world! There are not enough abortions and it shows! People never think about the good things about abortion! Just think about how much more this planet would be overcrowded if it weren't for all the abortions that have taken place. As president, I will see that federal funds are given for abortions for all women who cannot afford to have 1. There is another problem that needs to be solved. There are a lot of women who cannot afford to have cars, so I will provide federal funds, so women can receive vouchers for free cab rides to and from the abortion clinic. Paying for an abortion won't do any good if women don't have transportation to the abortion clinic.

    Another horrifying thing that I learned is that there are only 3 counties in Minnesota that have abortion clinics in them. I will work to see that every county in Minnesota and this country have abortion clinics in them. I would even like to see an abortion clinic in the Mall of America and it ought to be called the Good Riddens to the Baby Abortion Clinic. Another disturbing thing is I heard that most abortion doctors are now in their 50s and even 60s and there is a shortage of younger people who are going to replace them after they croak. I had no idea that abortion doctors were in such hot demand! If there are not enough new abortion doctors, then the day may come when women won't be able to have abortions at all any more and I am very worried about that. That is why I will provide federal grants to medical students who are willing to become abortion doctors.

     It is about time that government rewards people for not breeding instead of breeding and overpopulating the planet. I will give out checks worth $2000 to anyone who is willing to admit that they are gay because most gay people don't breed and contribute to overpopulating this overcrowded underdeveloped world. I will also provide $2000 checks to all straight people who are willing to get sterilized so they won't breed. I love bisexuals very much and I will provide $2000 checks to bisexuals too, but for obvious reasons, they will need to be sterilized. I am sure that a lot of people will turn down the offer, but getting $2000 is a lot better than having kids.

    This is an example to prove that these so called, "pro-lifers" anti-choice extremists thugs are full of shit. What if fetuses really do suffer during abortions? With sterilization, there are no fetuses who will suffer, but these anti-choice extremists assholes are still against it. These so called "pro-lifers" are so concerned about the unborn. They don't give a shit about those who are already born, but they are interested in taking away reproductive freedom, creating more poverty and overpopulating this planet to fuck things up a lot worse than they are already. Also, as president, I will provide a $500 tax credit to those who are willing to adopt cats. I am sick and tired of innocent cats being put to sleep because there are not enough homes for them.

    As for other issues that candidates focus on is education. The schools in this country totally suck and they blow for a multiple # of reasons and the people who run them are evil. The schools of this country need a complete overhaul from kindergarten through college. As president, I will see that something useful is taught in our schools, like witchcraft. I will see to it that schools teach people on how to raise kids, instead of the propaganda that is being pushed now that dupes so many people into believing that breeding is a picnic. It's not! With my proposal, people will learn that breeding sucks, which will keep the population of this planet under control, but it will greatly reduce the # of dysfunctional assholes who become parents. This post partum depression that we keep hearing about would be prevented if more people would be aware that breeding sucks before they decide to have kids. I know that I would have post partum depression if I decided to breed, but I am intelligent enough not to. In a class that teaches people how to raise kids, I will make sure that a used diaper gets passed around the class to let people be aware of 1 of the many joys they will encounter as parents. If that sounds too radical, how about creating schools that will teach kids to grow up to become decent human beings, instead of corporate robot conformists and sheep for Christ sake. Another thing I will do as president is I will help save the environment outlawing the sale of disposable diapers. We are running out of landfill space and it is important to protect Mother Earth and Mother Earth don't want humans to procreate and destroy our planet and it's recourses and filling up our landfills with tons and tons of diapers infested with salmonella and e coli. In the old days, breeders had to wash the piss and shit out of their babies diapers and reuse them. I am sure that there is always the risk of getting e coli, but here's what I would say to the breeder, "if you get e coli from washing your baby's diapers, you need to remember that it came from your bundle of joy!"

     Another thing I would do as president is I would outlaw most forms of religion because that is a major reason why this country is so fucked up, but I would make the Church of Euthanasia the official religion of the land because they believe in sexual freedom as long as long as people don't procreate. The Church of Euthanasia encourages people to masturbate, which is something that other religions don't do because most religions suck. Other things I will do, is I will bring an end to corrupt and evil drug war, which is really a war on our basic freedoms. I will build mass transit in every major metropolitan area of this country. I like trains and people say that there ain't enough money to build and maintain them. Bullshit! Build the fucking trains! I will make it mandatory for General Motors and Ford Motor Company to pay to build the mass transit considering that cities like Minneapolis and Los Angeles had beautiful light rail lines, but General Motors and Ford Motor Company gave generous bribes to our politricksters who people love so much to tear up the tracks, forcing people to be dependant on cars. As for raising revenue, I will sell plastic penises with Ronald Reagan's and George W. Bush's face on it. These people have fucked us in a way that feels bad. It will give them a chance to fuck us in a way that feels good. That is just some of the innovative things I would do as president.

Well, the world does need to hear about Pat's ideas.  There sure as Hell ain't anyone else who is running who is cool enough to mention how wonderful abortion is!  That is just 1 of Pat's many wonderful ideas in Pat's 2004 Vision of the World Page, which is the best reading material in the world!