"Heavenly Father, I invite you to help me discover the reasons for why I have been masturbating. Please reveal the truth to me through the Holy Spirit. In the name of Jesus Christ, I command any voice that is not of God to be silent now. I speak the peace of Christ to my mind, spirit and body. Thank you, Father, In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."

    I am not making up what you just heard. I happened to find a website that talks about how you can become free from having to masturbate! The page starts out by talking about how masturbation isn't an easy subject for people to talk about, especially Christians. They then go onto mention that it isn't just guys who are struggling with this problem, but many girls are struggling with it as well. That means that you can no longer put your finger on your clit and finger fuck yourself anymore or Jesus won't love you! If that's not all, you need to take your plastic penises and throw them in the trash!

    The guy who wrote this said, "I remember as an adolescent how I struggled with shame and condemnation concerning this act over and over." Gee, I wish that I could have been there to watch! He then went on to say "I continued to feed my habit with porn and promiscuity for the next 20 years, but eventually returned to God for help to finally jettison the habit." With all the horrible problems in the world, doesn't God have more important things to worry about than people masturbating? He then went on to say "I discovered that life without masturbation was not only possible, but also enjoyable." Personally, I can't think of anything more enjoyable than masturbating, except for having a chance to stick my dick inside someone's hole who's my type!

Now this is an online study that you can do. The study starts out by asking if masturbation should be part of your life and of course they go on to say that it shouldn't. The 1st point that they bring up is:

1. Masturbation is addictive. I know with me is if I've gone a few days without masturbating, I often wake up with a stiffie and I will have to beat off eventually or else I won't be able to get back to sleep. The 2nd point that they bring up is

2. Masturbation inhibits our abilities to relate to someone sexually. The problem that I have is I can't stand most people and certainly can't stand the thought of sticking my dick inside them. The third point is:

3. Masturbation Causes sexual imbalance that interferes with other activities in their lives. They mention guys who stay up all night surfing for porn, which causes them to be too tired to be productive when they go to work in the morning. The thing that I would suggest is the guy needs to look at the porn, then beat off and shoot his load as soon as possible so he can get enough sleep.

     Now after this, they go onto the "Root Causes of Masturbation" which starts out by telling you to ask God why I masturbate? When I asked him he told me that I masturbate because it feels good. He also told me that it will lower my risk of getting prostate cancer! The next thing that they ask you to do is to identify the roots of masturbation which is blamed on a variety of different horrible things that may have happened to such as "sexual abuse" or many other forms of trauma. They do have a point there. In my life, shit happens many times and in order to make myself feel better, I need to masturbate. Recently, I went online because I was interested in purchasing a laptop computer when I discovered that the prices were too fucking expensive and I couldn't afford 1. I was so upset over that, I had to pull down my pants and masturbate, so I could feel better. They blame masturbation on a bunch of other things as well including pride; sexual sin, homosexuality and they even blame it on the occult. With that in mind, they should have mentioned George W Bush who hangs out at Bohemian Grove, which is where he worships the devil while men suck his cock, but they didn't bother to bring that up.

    At this point they ask for you to look at experiences going back to when you were as young as 3 years old when you experienced some of these "roots". I don't know why these people are interested in 3 year olds masturbating, but the Lord works in strange and mysterious ways. I know that I had a lot of shit happen to me when I was growing up, but then again, shit happens to everyone, which may explain why just about everyone masturbates. The only thing I remember is when I was 13 years old, I had an intense flushed feeling and my dick was hard, so I took off all my clothes, I spanked my monkey and it felt extremely good.

      The next thing that they bring up is to remove the "roots" that caused you to masturbate and you can do that by praying to God and asking for his help. Then you can go onto "Masturbation Recovery". Once you have identified the root causes of masturbation they go onto to talk about how Satan will give you temptations to weaken you and you will give into the desire and end up masturbating. It is suggested that you find some quiet time and read the bible. Most of the time when I find some quiet time, I feel like beating off, but then I notice that my cat stares at me and I can't stand it when the cat stares at me when I beat off and I have to wait until later. Here's another thing, I have never beaten off while I was reading the bible and it makes me wonder. If a guy beats off while he is reading the bible and if he gets sperm on it, would the pages stick together just like a porno magazine? They also suggested writing bible verses on 3X5 index cards. Here's a couple of good ones I thought of to write: I don't beat off anymore, but I came up with something better to write when I feel the temptation to commit sin and beat off: "I know that it is Satan that causes my dick to get hard, but I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that my penis will get soft without having to spank my monkey and in the name of Jesus Christ we pray, amen!" They also mention how the devil use devices that will trigger you to feel like masturbating and write them down. With me, a thing that triggers me to feel like masturbating is seeing someone who turns me on and then I get a stiffie. Here's some other amazing things that are suggested while going through masturbation recovery which includes turning the TV off in the evening because you might see a show with a sexual theme, which might cause you to get a stiffie. They also suggest that if you see someone that gives you a stiffie, look the other way and don't think about them. They even suggest fantasizing about sticking your dick inside someone's who's so ugly; you wouldn't want to stick your dick inside them in the 1st place. After the masturbation Recovery page, they then go onto "masturbation wrap up" which talks about asking Jesus for help. The problem is I never met Jesus. It was absolutely amazing the stuff that I read on this page about the "horrible" things that masturbation can do to you, however, there was a scientific study that was done that says that a man needs to ejaculate a minimum of 3 times a week if he wants to lower his risk of getting prostate cancer and the thing is, I don't want to get prostate cancer!

When Pat was much younger and more naive, his main target of his hatred was directed towards Christians.  Since then, he has made the misfortunate discover that many "liberals" are almost just as bad with their PC fucking bullshit along with the therapeutic mind control police state that we live in, which is just another religion and even more dangerous!  It is still fun to make fun of Bible thumping assholes who believe that beating off is so "horrible" and Pat likes to talk about this because he wants to entertain and inform you, so continue to read Pat's 2006 Vision of the World Page to hear more wonderful along with the things he talks about that will shock you!