24.07.2009: hello, goodbye �

Hello, people!

I just realised that I�ve been writing this journal - or blog, or whatever you want to call it - for four years now. Gosh ... that's quite a long time, no?

That random thought was inspired by another: namely, that there are basically two ways in which these entries tend to be written. The first way takes very little effort � most of the words are already in my head, so I just sort of open a document and let them tumble out onto the page. Then there's the other way, which is more like this: something has happened in my life which I know I want to write about, but I have no idea of exactly what to say. Then it gets into drafting and re-drafting, writing lots of stuff that I later decide to dump, and playing around with details for weeks ... all those things which I�m sure real writers do on a regular basis.

Of course I wanted to put something onto The Manor about my final week in Almaty, because I�d spent two years of my life there and it�s a significant place for me. And so I tried. Actually I wrote lots and lots ... about our return journey from Kyrgyzstan and the heady thrill I experienced when we arrived back in �my� city; about my growing appreciation for Soviet architecture (mainly the tower blocks and the Krushchevki*); about the sad farewells that came so soon after I got back, and so on blah-de-blah. But it was all a pretty aimless, wandering literary exercise, and it didn�t get to the point of what I wanted to say. That�s probably because I didn�t know � and I still don�t.

Here are the bare bones, though: I left, and in doing so said "goodbye" to a lot of cool people and a really engaging � though often frustrating and dysfunctional � city. And I don�t really know why.

I mean that in general terms, btw, rather than specifically about Almaty. What I'm saying is that I don�t know why I feel the need to keep leaving whatever place I�m in. If we were talking more specifically about Central Asia, I could certainly give you a couple of good reasons to leave. For a start, the food was doing its best to kill me! My digestive �bugs� never adjusted and I had frequent stomach cramps, which became almost permanent during my last couple of months in Kazakhstan. So, y�know, it was physically painful to be there. That seems a good reason to go. But it doesn't say much about the larger issue of wanderlust versus the desire to settle and be part of a stable community &/or social circle. Still working through that one in my head, and probably will be for some time to come.

Actually the farewell process (and it is inevitably a process) went pretty well. We had the big party almost a week before actually leaving, but three of my favourite people in Almaty � Natalya, Katya and Sasha, all former students � couldn�t be there. As it turned out that was cool, because they all subsequently wanted to see me during my final week, so I got to spend an evening with each of them separately. Part of my last night in Almaty was therefore spent with Crazy Diamond Sasha, who I�ve mentioned before in Ranting Manor. We wandered around the centre and took some extremely silly photos next to fountains, flower beds and other random stuff, while I just soaked up the wonderful weirdness of 'The Queen'. (That's what her t-shirt says: "Sorry, but I'm THE QUEEN".) I really couldn't have asked for a better send-off :-)

Also, I'd said goodbye to my favourite class a long time beforehand - their lessons had finished on May 24th. That was probably the most difficult day of the year for me, because I absolutely loved that class and they were one of the best things about being in Almaty. But there was an upside: by the time I had to farewell everyone else, I'd already survived the toughest "goodbye". That made all the others seem a bit easier :-)

Of course, my final farewell was to the mountains which lend so much grandeur to Almaty's skyline, and which continue right on out to the airport and beyond. This one took place through a pressurised perspex window, as I sat on the plane wondering how the Hell my life had reached this point and what would happen next. I'll tell you about that soon :-)

In the meantime ... er, goodbye!

(*Less notorious than the tower blocks, but just as common. They're four- or five-storey apartment buildings put up in Krushchev�s time to affordably satisfy an urgent need for more housing. Quite elegant in their own way, with a style that faintly recalls earlier periods in Russian history, and HUGELY successful - they spread across large areas of Europe and Central Asia, so that nowadays you can spot them in places as far apart as Berlin and Bishkek. A lot of people dislike the Krushchevki, but not me; I lived in one up until today, and all in all I was rather fond of it.)