(Well, we picked this one after Yukon and I had a conversation where Yukon said, and I paraphrase, "I really wish we could do Damacia Johnson, because everything she writes is SO bad. But it’s all so long, I just don’t have the strength." Sounded like a challenge to me.
We picked this story not just for the English errors, but because the plot itself is laughably impossible. If anyone did this in real life, they’d be in prison or a mental hospital until they died. While I'm willing to believe in a lot of impossible things happening in the reality of the X-Files, changing the criminal justice system and the physical "rules" by which a disease operates to suit yourself - is going more than a little too far.
The formatting was left just as it appeared in my "in" box.
This may, in fact, be the worst story I’ve ever read.)
From: DAMACIA JOHNSON
Your Beautiful Mind
by
Mulderslady
Part 1 of 5 DISCLAIMER: They don’t belong to me, wish they did.
RATING: R to NC-17
CLASSIFICATION: Angst, MT, Smut (Total impossibility in all action.)
KEYWORDS: MSR, Mental and Physical MT, Smut (now all we need is some slash and everyone would be happy!)
SPOILERS: Amor Fati and a slight one from The Sixth Extinction
URL: www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/beautiful.html
FEEDBACK: Please!!! at [email protected]
ARCHIVE: Oh please, anywhere!! (We’re archiving it here for 3 mos. With our comments.)
SUMMARY: After years on the edge, Mulder finally snaps
(And develops a disease, which apparently, the author doesn't bother researching.)
******************************************************
"I will continue here as long as I can... as long as you are beset by the haunting illness which I saw consume your beautiful mind."
Scully from The Sixth Extinction
******************************************************
AUTHORS NOTE:: A more detailed explanation of
Schizophrenia can be found at the end of this
story. This is a serious long-term mental illness, and
I described it as accurately as possible in my
story, (No, she didn’t.) except schizophrenics are not
usually prone to violent outbursts.
(And develop the disease much younger than 38 years of age, and have a radical and definable onset of symptoms and don't "suddenly snap", ad nauseum. Why don't you go to http://schizophrenia.mentalhelp.net/ and look it up for yourself? But, to show you how wrong she is here, let's see what the experts say about the causes of schizophrenia, shall we?
From Mental Health Net's website:
" So What Causes It?
We do not yet have a clear answer to this question, but a number of important factors are emerging which likely play a crucial role in this disorder's cause.
There are three main causative factors scientists are researching:
Genetics (Heredity): Scientists recognize that the disorder tends to run in families and that a person inherits a tendency to develop the disease. Schizophrenia may be triggered by environmental events, such as viral infections or highly stressful situations or a combination of both. Similar to other genetically-related illnesses, schizophrenia appears when the body undergoes hormonal and physical changes, like those that occur during puberty in the teen and young adult years.
Chemistry: Genetics help to determine how the brain uses certain chemicals. People with schizophrenia have a chemical imbalance which means they are either very sensitive to or produce too much of a brain chemical called dopamine. Dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter, allows nerve cells in the brain to send messages to each other. The imbalance of this chemical affects the way a person's brain reacts to stimuli--which explains why a person with schizophrenia may be overwhelmed by sensory, information (loud music or bright lights) which other people can easily handle. This problem in processing different sounds, sights, smells and tastes can also lead to hallucinations or delusions.
Complications during pregnancy and birth: Some researchers suspect a viral infection, improper nutrition during pregnancy, or birth complications may increase the chances of a person developing schizophrenia. (NMHA)
What Do I Do Now?
We have developed the information here to act as a comprehensive guide to help you better understand schizophrenia and find out more information about it on your own. Choose from among the categories at left to begin your journey into learning more about it. "
I took a little poetic license there, sue me after med school. (I hope to GOD this doesn't mean Damacia is in med school. If she cares this little about the symptoms of disease and how it is treated in the real world, I would be frightened to allow my health to be influenced by her in any way. I hope she was being sarcastic and saying that only a doctor should dare to question her use of schizophrenia in this story. I won't speculate on it nor will I put words in her mouth. I just don't understand what she means here.)
Barefoot, Mulder walked out of his apartment building,
his dress
shirt on, tie hanging untied around his neck, his suit
pants on. (Thank goodness. It would be bad if he left
without any of the things tediously described here.)
Mulder put on his Yankees hat and
looked around. They
weren’t people, they were him, every last one of them
were that
Smoking bastard. (Clue phone, Mulder, it's for you.
Do you really think a psychologist wouldn't at least
wonder why everyone was the same person?) I’m finally
going to kill you, you SOB, Mulder
thought (without quotation marks) as he pulled out his
Glock and took aim. (He's totally out of it, but he
can still take aim. That's reassuring.)
Scully woke up and turned on the news. Skinner called
moments
later telling her to pay close attention to the next
segment. (Because he's a TV Psychic and knows what's
coming up next on the news' schedule.)
"What am I looking for?"
"The next story, they don’t say his name, but it’s
about Agent
Mulder." (paragraph) Then the reporter introduced the
next segment.
"A man was arrested this morning after going on a
shooting spree
which resulted in the death of
two men and serious injuries to 14 others. He claimed
they were all
the same man. He’s in Police
custody pending arraignment." (And of course, there
are no pictures of him, or the shooting victims, or
the police, or the investigation, or the crime scene,
or anything because that's what TV is all about.)
Scully sat stunned for a second then
hurriedly got dressed and
headed to the police station. What would have caused
Mulder to
finally snap? (Because she doesn't question that he
did.) Why now? She
called forensics to go analyze the water in Mulder’s
apartment.
Maybe he was drugged again, he
just couldn’t be crazy, could he? (Nah.) Police
station (Gee, thanks for the wonderful and colorful
description. I can really picture it in my mind.)
"Agent Scully, hi Lt. Johnson, (You don't merit
capitol letters in your "Hi", nor a sentence of your
own.) we got him isolated in here. He was
beating on some of the other
prisoners in his group cell. (Wow! Mulder, the
humanitarian.) I didn’t want him to be charged with
another murder." (How thoughtful of you, little
throwaway character.) Scully watched Mulder running
from wall to wall,
screaming, and slamming
himself into the wall. (Well, that sounds normal, at
least.)
"He’s crazy." Johnson said (period) (Ya, think?)
"No, really?" (See, even Scully feels the same way.)
Scully replied sarcastically, then pressed the
intercom
to speak with him. (Though why she needs to press the
intercom to speak to Johnson, I don't know.)
"Mulder? Mulder? It’s me (comma) Scully." He
(Johnson?) stopped for a second and
stared at the door.
"Hey Mulder, it’s me. What happened?"
"Scully? (Is that your disembodied voice I hear, or
just the voices in my head?) I tried to kill him but
he kept coming back!"
"Where are your shoes?" (Oh, this is a good question
for a time like this.)
"I don’t know." (Probably with my fedora hat.)
"He didn’t have them on when we picked him up. We
assumed he
didn’t have any. (comma)" Lt. Johnson added. (Because
he's so involved in this conversation. And most men
in suits walk about with no shoes.)
"Scully? Scully?"
"Yes Mulder I’m still here. I’ll be right back." (Way
to not confuse the delusional.)
"Scully he wanted to hurt you again. I couldn’t let
him. He kept
coming back!" (A Mulder said, or something to indicate
who is talking would be really nice about now.) Then
he suddenly let out a heart wrenching scream
and said (Being a great word to describe someone who
is yelling.)
"NO! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I’M NOT LISTENING!!" then
collapsed on the floor. (Paragraph? Pretty please?)
Scully backed up, tears coming to her eyes.
(Quotes)What has affected your
beautiful mind so? (This witch gags.) What is the
nature of this illness that tortures
you?, (Quote) she thought as she turned
to Lt. Johnson.
"He’s going to need a lawyer and a therapist. I’m sure
you and the
DA’s office can see he’s not mentally stable." (Scully
said? Or was it one of Mulder's voices.)
"Most definitely, I just have to keep him from killing
himself till his
arraignment." (We allow all of our prisoners on
suicide watch fling themselves repeatedly into walls.)
Arraignment (Is not a sentence, nor is it a
description of anything.)
"The next case the people versus special agent Fox
William Mulder.
How does the defendant plead?" (Well, this certainly
shortens up the real court proceeding nicely, doesn't
it?)
"Not guilty by reason of insanity." (Says the little
pixie on Mulder's shoulder.) Mulder sat in the chair,
rocking
back and forth, mumbling to himself, exhibiting facial
ticks every few
minutes. (Oooh, facial ticks. Those are hard to get
off, and they leave their little heads embedded in the
skin.)
"State?" (It's nice to see "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer"
got elected to a judgeship.)
"The state concurs your honor. The defendant should be
remanded
to a mental institution where he can be evaluated and
treated." (The other little pixie across from Mulder's
agreed, and then linked arms with Mulder's in a
furious little pixie Morris dance!)
"Done, we’re in agreement? Bailiff take him away, next
case." ("I'm just a simple Caveman lawyer, I don't
understand about paperwork and procedure. Your world
frightens me....")
Mulder jumped up and screamed. (I would, too, if I
was represented this badly.)
"I’m not crazy!! It was him! It was him!" Mulder
punched the
bailiff hard in the face as he tried to grab him,
(Grab him where?) 3 (because we can't be bothered to
write the word out) more dog piled him (comma)
cuffing him quickly and
dragging him away bucking and screaming.
FBI headquarters (Because we all know about this, too,
don't we?)
"Spooky finally went off huh? Told you he was crazy."
Scully
heard everyone whispering as she headed to Skinner’s
office. (Because FBI agents have nothing better to do
than to gossip in the hallways.)
"Agent Scully (comma) you are aware that Agent Mulder
will be put on
permanent medical disability leave?" (Said a
disembodied voice.)
"I guessed as much. What about the X-files, they’ve
been solved
for months." (Gee, no more paranormal stuff in the
whole, wide world. Wow, that Mulder's sure a hard
worker.)
"That’s your choice. If you choose to continue, you
will be teamed
up with a new partner, if not you have plenty of
options open to
you." (said Mulder's pixie, even though it wasn't in
the room.)
"The X-files are Agent Mulder’s and mine, it wouldn’t
be right to
continue without him. If it’s possible I’d like to
transfer to Quantico,
either as an assist path or
teaching again." (How does one become a teaching
again?)
"How about one better? The Chief Path is retiring, and
you’d be a
great replacement." (says the pixie.) Scully
considered it and nodded her approval. (Because she
has such a great record with her insane partner that
they'll offer her this promotion despite the fact that
Skinner has no jurisdiction over Quantico staffing.)
Skinner pulled out the transfer
slip all ready for her to sign. (The pixie had done
the typing.) Scully read it and signed.
"Report to Quantico in 3 weeks, I’m going to miss
seeing you and
Agent Mulder." (Because three week vacations are so
common for Government employees.)
"Yes sir, you’ve been a great help and friend to us
both, thank you
and goodbye." (Oh, my God! The world is shifting,
spinning out of control as I'm ripped through a
space-time vortex in the narrative!!!!) Scully piled
the last of there (their) office in her trunk, (Wow,
that must be a big trunk she has there. The whole
office, impressive.) she carefully laid
Mulder’s I Want to Believe poster on the passenger
seat and smiled,
imaging him there next to her complaining about her
lead foot. (But as he's now in the loony bin, she
thought she'd burn the poster in effigy against the
Grays and because she'd never liked that Karen
Berquist, anyway. She'd always dropped dog hair on
Scully's tailored suits.) She
brushed angry tears from her
eyes and pulled off. Arlington psychiatric hospital (I
can hardly contain my joy at this wonderful and
detailed description.)
Scully watched Mulder from the control room pacing (Is
she pacing, is the cell? I'm confused.) his padded
cell, (Because padded cells require lots of controls.)
frantically screaming, slamming himself into the wall,
smashing
his
head against it.
"What’s wrong with him?" She asked quietly. (All the
better to hear the hollow sound of Mulder’s head
smashing against the wall.)
"We believe he’s suffering from a form of
schizophrenia, but he’s
too violent right now to get in and give him
treatment. (So we’re going to let him rot in there
until he injures himself severely enough to send in
our pussy orderlies.) He’s given 2 (because we can’t
be bothered to write it out)
nurses concussions, broke one’s nose."
"Mulder . . .What caused this, he hasn’t exhibited
this behavior
before. He just seems to have snapped."
"Sometimes it happens like that, (This is total
bullshit, read the description of the disease above,
nor would a doctor ever give this stupid or flip a
response to someone whose loved one was suffering in
this fashion.) but we can’t be sure (‘) till we can
talk
with him a bit. We can’t do that till he calms down.
(But we’re not sedating him or anything. A patient in
this condition would be pumped full of Thorazine or
another anti-psychotic so fast it would make your head
swim in the REAL mental health care system.) He
refuses to
eat or drink, if he keeps up like this he’ll die of
starvation and
dehydration." (Because we, the uncaring fictional
mental health staff will allow things like that. Why,
we lost several other patients just last week. And
the one who thought he was Napoleon froze to death
last December while trying to capture Russia.) Scully
sighed (Without a period or a paragraph of her own.)
"Can I try?"
"Try what?"
"Talking with him, it may help."
"Ok, but not inside his cell." (Yes, we let untrained
non-professional people talk to our patients all the
time because the REAL psychiatric staff is much too
busy playing pinochle down the hall.)
"Fine." They walked down to his cell and Scully
pressed the
intercom (period)
"Mulder? Mulder? It’s me." (Paragraph) He ran to the
door (comma) slamming against it, (period)
(Capital H)he looked out the window at her and smiled
(period)
"Scully? Scully! Help me, he’s everywhere!" (People
who are frightened and need help are often smiling.)
"Calm down Mulder, the doctor wants to come in and
give you
something to make him go away (comma) ok?" (Paragraph)
Mulder nodded and stepped (away?)
from the door.
"Okay you can try now (comma)." Scully said as the
doctor walked in
cautiously with the syringe of sedative. (Because, of
course, he wouldn’t bother to try to help a patient
without someone from the outside to tell the patient
to behave. And now, he believes in Mulder’s
miraculous calm despite the fact that he’d injured
three people previously. Is that a plate of tripe?
Why yes, I think it is.)
He injected a complacent Mulder and hurried back out.
Mulder sat
down and started rocking back and forth (period)
(Ok, I’ve about had it here. The thing to learn from
this story, and there are many, but if you only come
away with one - end punctuation on a sentence is NOT
optional!)
"Scully?" (An indication of who said this would be
nice.)
"It’s okay (comma) it’ll help you sleep."
"But he’ll get you if I sleep."
"No he won’t (period, cap. H) he’s dead,(period, cap
Y) you killed him, (period, cap. I) it’s okay now,
(period, cap G) get some
sleep." (New freakin’ paragraph!) Mulder soon was
under the influence of the sedative and
the doctor moved into action. (Because they haven’t
done any work on him before this. Gee, is it a VA
hospital?)
"Ok we need X-rays, EEGs, MRIs, PET, Blood work,
(period, cap G) get him
cleaned up, (period, cap P) put him in a fresh pair of
pants (period, and I really want to know why he needs
the new pants. Are we to assume he’s done something
bad in them?) (New paragraph.) "Dr. Scully can you
tell me more about his history (comma) anything
peculiar?
Any Relapses in Reality, (Ok, what the HELL is a
relapse in reality? Oh, I think I remember how REAL
hospitals are run, my suspension of disbelief in this
tale I’m reading is destroyed! Alas, it’s a relapse
in reality!!!)
Disorganized thinking and Speech, any Bizarre
behavior?" (and the Random capitalization Of random
Words really amuses Me.)
"Bizarre? His nickname at the bureau was Spooky, (And
Scully just LOVES to bring that up to every stranger
she meets because it wasn’t used to TAUNT him or
anything.) everything he
did was bizarre. I just thought
it was normal Mulder behavior. Though I have noticed
the last few
weeks he started to laugh for
no reason, and talk to himself (comma) but he’s always
done that."
"Really? Anything else?"
"Head and facial ticks. (I tried to get him to wear
some OFF, but he just wouldn’t listen to me.) I
noticed that, I thought it was stress." (Because my
co-workers often exhibit this sort of behavior and I
think nothing of it.)
"I wish I could confirm it, but he’s probably
exhibited mild
symptoms for years, some stimuli (is the plural form
of the word, I doubt she means a whole lot of things
set him off, but maybe she does.) just set him off.
(This is so impossible.) This guy he’s
seeing, who is he?"
"That’s classified, but he was killed last year
(comma) so I don’t know why
he’s seeing or hearing him."
"Hallucinations, (Thanks, Doc, for clearing that up
for us.) what I think Agent Mulder has and has had for
some time (comma) is Schizophrenia, (period, I) it’s
strange that it’s finally fully manifesting itself
now." (Really? Seeing most people get it in their
teens or early twenties, I think 38 IS kind of
unusual.)
"Can stress cause it to manifest? I’m sorry I’m not
familiar with
psychosomatic (ARRRRRGGGHHHHH! Psychosomatic????
Please, if you’re going to use terms, at least know
what they mean! Psychosomatic is a mental illness
that causes physical symptoms. Like stress causing
stomach aches.) illnesses."
"Yes it can. Hold on a sec." The doctor said looking
over the MRI
and PET results. (Because in this little world test
results take NO time to process. He just ordered them
a minute ago and now the results are in, before the
half hour or so it would take for the MRI and
everything.)
"See right here, in the frontal lobe, the abnormally
low activity.
That’s probably what caused the impaired judgement(spelling) and
the
perception that everyone was the same man. (Because
everything is this easy to diagnose.) Do you have the
blood
work?" (small t)The doctor asked the
tech that handed it to him. He looked over it and
nodded.
"Increased dopamine levels and serotonin levels. We
need to get
him started on some anti-psychotics. (No shit, really?
I, for one, am VASTLY surprised.) Do you live near
him?" (Um, in the hospital?)
"Not at the moment, I got a job transfer in VA (Write
it out!) so I’ll be moving
soon. (What? She lives about half an hour from Mulder
now. Why would she move?) Why?"
"He shouldn’t live alone when he’s released." (Oh,
because they’ll really be releasing a multiple
murderer just like that. As soon as he was "sane"
he’d stand trial and go to prison for the rest of his
life. Oh, and why are they treating Scully like she’s
responsible for him?)
"That would be convenient, (period, M) most of his
stuff was put in storage, (period W) we
could look for a place together once he’s stable."
(Oh, right. She wouldn’t live with him when he was
SANE, but when he’s nuts, sure thing.)
"We’ll try him on Thorazine (period) (And while you’re
handing it out, give me some, please. This story is
driving me insane! And, by the way, the usually don’t
use Thorazine any more. That’s a very old drug.) (Cap
H.)hopefully (comma) he takes well to it with no
adverse side effects. (Which are totally common, by
the way.) I’ll start it on him (You mean start him on
it.) while he’s still calm, excuse
me." (period)(paragraph) Scully sat and looked
over the results again. (Quotation marks) Mulder is
schizophrenic? Has been for a while? Spooky Mulder,
he’s
strange, weird, crazy, wow! Could they have been right
all along? (Quotation marks) (Paragraph) Later that
evening (Another in the long line of
fabulously-described scene settings in this
fascinating tale!) (Paragraph) "What’s he doing?"
Scully asked (comma) looking at Mulder who was
moving against the wall strangely.
"We believe he’s . . .um masturbating." (Ok, like they
wouldn’t know. And like she’d ask.)
"Huh?!" (‘Cause it’s a well-known fact that adult
males NEVER masturbate unless they’re insane.)
"It’s a symptom." (Oh, lord. EVERYONE’S
schizophrenic! That explains it!)
"I thought you gave him an anti-psychotic?" (Shouldn’t
that keep his hands out of his pants?)
"He got violent, we couldn’t get close to give him the
injection. He
refuses to eat or drink so we can’t slip in there
either." (Who is speaking here? I’m getting SOOO
confused.) (And I love how this hospital refuses to
treat their sick patients.)
"Well you can’t . . . he’s humping the wall for god’s
(Capitalize the Lord’s name, ok? Scully would.) sake
why didn’t
you call me earlier?! I’ll calm him down again."
("I’ll let him hump me instead!")
"Wait he’s stopping." (Oh, thank GOD!) (New
paragraph.) They watched as Mulder moved away from
the wall and started talking animatedly with it.
Scully tried hard to
stifle
a giggle. (Oh, yeah, I’d be laughing about then, too.)
The doctor looked at her strangely. (And then slapped
the shit out of her.)
"It’s either laugh or cry Doc." Scully explained
(comma) then added (Period) (new paragraph) " You
want to try again?" (Says the disembodied voice
Mulder’s throwing from the other room.) (new
paragraph) "Mulder?" Scully said through the intercom.
(new paragraph) Mulder turned quickly
looking for her(period.)
"Scully?" (New paragraph) Scully waved through the
window and he walked over.
He smiled at her sweetly as he appeared at the window.
"Scully, how are you?" he asked softly(period)
"I’m fine how are you?"
"Ok, I’m tired and hungry." (But not horny any more,
at least.)
"Well your food (‘)s over there."
"It’s poisoned."
"How do you know?"
"The voices in my head told me." (Oh, yes. A
schizophrenic often talks about their "voices". Just
like that. Let’s fire up the barbie for St. Joan,
there, ok?)
"Oh well (comma) how about if I bring you something to
eat (period) I’ll make sure
it’s not poisoned ok?"
"Ok."
"The doctor wants to give you some medicine, (period,
I) it will help you sleep (period)
(Cap )ok?"
"No, he’s trying to kill me (comma) too."
"The voices told you that (comma) too?"
"Yeah." (A description of some action or something
would be nice, but I’m sure we won’t get it.)
"Ok (period, cap H) how about if I give you the shot?"
"Ok (period)"
"I’ll be right back." (Scully said,) then turning to
the doctor, "Give me a syringe,
I’ll be right back." (new paragraph) (Description of
what Scully is doing here is necessary, but we won’t
get it.) The doctor filled a syringe with Thorazine
and
waited till Scully came back. (Because he won’t go in
there, but he’ll let a five foot two woman in with a
six foot psychotic - no problem.)
"Can he have this?" Scully said holding up a Subway
sandwich and
chips. (Wow! That was one lightnin’ trip to Subway!)
"Yes (comma) that’s fine. Here’s some juice, (period,
N) no caffeine for him yet. Here’s
the syringe, good luck." He locked the door behind her
and (took bets with the orderlies at how quickly the
man inside would kill and rape her, not necessarily in
that order.)
watched carefully. (But, seeing he’s afraid to go in,
if she’s attacked she’s SOL.)
"Hey (comma) Mulder. (comma) Here you go (comma)
subway club and chips (period L) let me give you
your shot 1st (Write it out!!!!) ok?" (New paragraph.)
He nodded and waited as she prepped his arm.
He leaned into her a little and
smelled her hair, (period, H) honey and roses, he
thought, (no comma) as he touched her
cheek lightly. (Wow, getting smelled by a patient in
the psyche ward with ejaculate all over his pants is
really romantic.)
"There, here’s some juice to drink (comma) ok. You eat
(period) I’ll be back."
"Don’t leave. (comma)" he said quietly as he sat down
and opened his
sandwich.
"I’ll be right outside."
"No stay here until I go to sleep." (Because Mulder’s
not at all concerned about where he is or anything.)
"Let me put this away first (comma) ok." Scully said
pointing to the syringe.
He nodded and started eating.
"I don’t think it’s safe for you to go back in there."
(Says Mulder’s pixie, appearing midair and doing a
little Irish jig.)
"Schizo or not (comma) Mulder would never hurt me.
He’ll be asleep soon.
I’ll be fine." (new paragraph) The doctor watched her
with concern as she reentered
the room. Mulder looked up
and smiled at her (comma) still eating, Scully sat
next to him and started
talking with him. She petted his
hair lightly and he leaned into her touch.
"7 (write it out!) years together Scully, you must
have seen this coming." (new paragraph) Scully
laughed at the familiar words (period)
"Yeah (comma) but not like this."
"I feel like everyone is out to get me. I don’t know
what to believe
or who to trust. You’re the
only one I trust (comma) Scully. You won’t let anyone
hurt me, will you?" (Mulder has regressed to age six,
I guess.)
"No Mulder I won’t, but if your behavior is still
erratic after the
medicine, they may want to
restrain you. If you don’t start eating and drinking
more, they may
put a feeding tube in (comma) ok? (Because this is so
pleasant and normal for people. And of course, Mulder
will agree.) I’ll
make sure everything is okay before they do anything
(comma) alright?" (It’s all right, alright is only ok
if you’re Pete Townshend.)
"Yeah (comma) I’m sorry I’m being a pest." (Oh, yeah,
right.)
"Your (you’re) not Mulder, your (you’re) just scared"
(If you can replace the you’re with you are, it’s
you’re not your.)
"Did I really kill some one (which is one word, comma)
Scully? An innocent person?" (Gee, this is just
bothering him NOW?)
"Mulder (comma) you had no control over that. (Oh,
yeah, right.) You’re sick, (period, H) hopefully
(comma) we
can get you well."
"Do I have a job?"
"No (comma) you’re on permanent disability leave, full
pension."
"What about you?" (Like a paranoid person wouldn’t
protest that the X-Files were gone. Especially as CSM
is stalking him everywhere!)
"New chief path at Quantico."
"Really? That’s nice. What about my apartment and
stuff?" (Oh, this is so ludicrous I think I’ll scream
if it gets any worse.)
"In storage, (period, T) the doctor says you shouldn’t
stay by yourself when
you’re released, so I think we
should be roommates. (ARRRRRRGHHH!!!) I’m going to
have to move anyway. (Why? Georgetown is only half an
hour away. I guess Damacia thinks Scully lives in the
Georgetown that’s about a hundred miles from
Washington instead of the neighborhood just across the
river, huh?)
Arlington or Alexandria?"
"Alexandria, I like the area, a ranch style condo or a
house. It
would give me something to do outside in the yard or
something
since I’m
retired now." (ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! Stop! Stop! Stop
THIS NOWWWW!) Mulder said with a disappointed tone.
"You can still work (period)"
"Where? No other place holds my interest like the
X-files and the
FBI." (And I won’t get to carry a gun and shoot people
if I want.)
"Well you could write, (period, A) and if we get a
house, you could be a
community leader. (Because people in Arlington and
Alexandria like to be led by gun-toting mass murderers
on maintenance anti-psychotics. I think I have to
weep now. This is the WORST thing I’ve ever read.)
Here (comma) tomorrow I’ll bring some home magazines
for Alexandria and we’ll look
through them ok?" (paragraph) Mulder nodded (period)
"Thanks Scully. (comma)" (small h)He said as he curled
up on the floor. (Because they don’t give people beds
in this hospital.) She petted
his hair (‘)till he was asleep, threw
a blanket over him, cleaned up (What? Oh, DO tell.)
and left.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Ratings
Evilness
Rating:
5
It bears no resemblance to the X-Files nor to any reality you might have encountered EVER in this life or in fiction.
Who Are These People?
0
I have no clue. Some of them aren’t even given names or described in any way. We know one by the name "doctor" and he seems very cowardly, but other than that…
I speche goodly:
1
I think Damacia is a standard English speaker, however she can’t be bothered to write it that way.
I R a gud speler
:
1
Can’t be bothered to punctuate, even end punctuation, nor can she paragraph correctly. The spelling, itself, isn’t bad, however. She needs to work on homonyms.
GAK-o-tron
:
5
This is usually reserved for shmoopiness, but this is just so completely ridiculous and unrealistic I gakked all the way through. I wanted to strangle the author on several occasions. Her lack of attempt to make this readable and the utter laziness of it just made me want to send the flying monkeys to her home to teach her a thing or three, I can tell you!
Laziness Quotient :
0
Negative 0- This is lazier than anything I’ve ever seen. Descriptions like "Police headquarters" and "Mental hospital" are the best you get. And she doesn’t even bother to tell you who is speaking, or to tell you where the characters are in relation to one another. No attempt is made to flesh out secondary characters and the main characters are equally flat. It’s like reading about paper dolls with ugly clothes. Like reading about Margaret Thatcher paper dolls, or maybe the Queen Mum, in her ugliest hats and floral frocks. It’s hideous.
Mary Sue Quotient :
5
None I can see.
Death to Clones :
3
Mulder goes to the mental hospital a lot in fic, but never this stupidly.
And your point was...
0
A mechanism to get Mulder and Scully in the same house together as far as I can see. Of course he’d be in prison….
General Evil Ranking :
5
As I said above, this may be the worst story I’ve ever read. Certainly it’s the worst X-Files story I’ve ever read. In a bizarre way, this author is my hero. She vindicates the need for this site all by herself.
Wildcard
End punctuation is NOT optional.
When someone begins speaking, you need to start a new paragraph.
Ten sentences strung together with commas don’t make one sentence.
People don’t suddenly become schizophrenic.
Hospitals provide patient care.
