I want to ask you to stay, but I know you won't. I want to ask you to
not be intimate with other women, but I know you'll decline my request.
I want to ask you no to fall in love with anyone else but me, but you
don't even love me.
(I want to ask you to find someone qualified to help you with your problem, but I know you won't. I want to ask you not to post stories about someone other than X-Files characters, but I know you'll decline my request. I want to ask you no [sic] to demonstrate disrespect your readers, but you don't respect any of us.)
What am I to you? If not just a friend? If not just a sex partner? If
not any other woman? How could you fulfill my wishes when I'm not even
someone you can find in your heart to love more than for my mind and
ass?
(What am I to you? If not a reader who disdains partial sentences? If not a
reviewer sick of flagrant Mary Sueism? How could you fulfill my wishes when I'm not
even someone you can find it in your cerebellum to consider before you hit the
"Send" button?)
Who are you, you that doesn't want to commit to something that's been
existing for years? It's right there, in front of your eyes and under
your nose. It's close enough to be tasted, but you don't even want to
test it.
(Who are you, you that doesn't know the difference between people
[who] and objects [that]? The reference material is right there, in front of your
eyes and under your nose. It's close enough to be read. It's called The
Internet. It's called the XWitches' Grammar Resources Page. But you don't even
want to test it. Whatever that means.)
Who am I to keep trying to break through to you? Who am I if I see what
is real, but still hope for a dream, a miracle, to come true? Who am I
to miss many opportunities because I'm blinded by you? What are you to
me?
(Who am I to keep trying to break through to you? Clearly a
bird or lizard [or maybe a platypus], in that they're the only creatures that break
through anything, namely shells. Perhaps you meant 'get through'. Who am I if
I see what is real, but still hope for a dream, a miracle, to come true? That you'll
have someone beta your story, or at the very least have someone talk you down from that
precarious ledge before you post?)
To me, you are a dear friend and a passionate lover. To me, you're not
just any other man, but "the one" and only. To me, you're the person
I'd leave everything I have behind for. You're the man I want to have
kids with.
(To me you are crossing the line between fiction and nonfiction.
To me, you're not just any other author, but "the one" who puts out such
a prolific, insipid repertory, I have no choice but to conclude you have
"Post"osis. Degeneration of the "Posting" button.)
But... You never ask me to stay. You never ask me to not sleep with
other men. You never ask me not to fall in love with anyone else but
you, and I do love you already. So... Should I still hope? Should I
still believe in hope?
(But...You continue to flood the lists with underthought and poorly
characterized stories. You never consider that the seven years of history between
these two characters requires a certain amount of respect and consideration. Should
I still hope that you'll learn your lesson and try to remember who Mulder and Scully ARE
in the series? So... Should I still hope that you'll do a little reading and learn
about ellipses and capitalization? Should I still believe in hope?)
Open your eyes and look at me. Can't you see that you have all that you
can dream of right in front of you?... Someone that loves you!
(Open your eyes and look at this critique, loveJanick. Can't you see that you have all you can use right in front of you? Someone who wants you to think your posts through, get beta, and pay attention to criticism!)
******************************************************
Author's note(s): Was it easy to tell that I didn't write this as an XF
fanfiction? Still, I need your opinion on a love matter...
(Uh....it IS??? Oh my gosh! It never occurred to me! Thank you for making it clear! Yukon yawns.)
In fact, I am the narrator of the letter and the man on the other end is
my best friend. Should I give him this letter before he leaves for the
summer (five months in total)?
(Yukon will refrain from offering relationship advice. That's not what X-Files fanfiction is for. It's for writing about the show and sharing your writing about the show. We don't know you. We don't know him. Why would ANYBODY offer advice to a total stranger based on an overly brief one-sided account of things? [For the record, Yukon considers "Advice Columnists" to be dangerous hacks.])
We've known each other for years, but I never knew if he loved me as
much as I loved him. I still do love him very much, but I'm afraid I'll
suffer from a terrible heartbreak if I don't tell him. Or, I'll have to
get over him quickly.
(Do what you gotta do. But don't do it here. Ever heard of the phrase, "Don't shit where you eat"?)
Anyway... Thanks for reading and I hope you can help me with this love
problem.
(No way. We're here to read about Mulder and Scully.
I'm as interested in your love life as you'd be about my broom problems and stubborn scum
ring on my cauldron.)
General Evilness
4/5
Poorly written, absolutely off-topic, and utterly
dull.
Gak-o-Tron
5/5
It's none of our business whom you love and how
much.
Who ARE These People?
17/5
Good question. No names are used, and the
scenario is entirely non-canon. They're clearly not Mulder and Scully. Maybe
they're, uh...Sheriff Hartwell and Jose Chung?
I R a Gud Speler
2
Typos.
Grammar/Punctuation
4
This is actually one of loveJanick's less heinous
efforts in this regard. It's still clear that the language is a new beastie to the
author, however.
Mary Sue Must Die (we won't waste your bandwidth.)
3,892/5
Words fail. Good God.
Death to Clones
1
This honest approach is new...
Wild Card: Know Thy Venue
5
One last time: X-Files fanfiction lists are not an appropriate place for churning
out your relationship issues. If you don't get help at Charter, please get help
somewhere.
