True Crimes

(against the fanfic world)

By X-Chick

Rating: PG-13 (just for violence but no curse words)

Category: The X-Files, horror, MSR

Spoilers: Well (comma)to put it simply….no. (You could have put it even more simply, as a one-word answer: None.)

Summary: Agents Mulder and Scully get assigned to a case that could lead to dangerous outcomes. (Tie ins to The Bone Collector and The Sixth Sense but nothing major)

Content Warning: I'm warning you now if you can't handle blood, gore, suggested violence, violence or any of that kind of stuff (comma)it's in here. (If I can handle your writing, I think I can take a little gore, dear. Besides which, there IS no "blood" or "gore" in this story. Suggested violence, yes, since mentions of murder do qualify.)

Archive: Please, all I ask is that you tell me where you're going to archive it. (Are you SURE you want to know?)You can do that by e-mailing me. (Really, is that how?) (e-mail address below in the Feedback section).

Disclaimer: I do not own The X-Files. Also, I don't own or know Gillian Anderson or David Duchovny or the characters that they portray. (For which they should be eternally grateful. Incidentally, how does one "know" a television character, or "own" an actor?)

Feedback: Please, I'm begging you (and I don't like to beg). Send ALL comments to [email protected] or [email protected]. (Be careful what you ask for.)

(Note the lack of thanks or acknowledgement to a beta. The reason will soon become painfully obvious.)

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This was something defiantly (definitely? which still sounds sucky) big (comma) I saw (by) the look in his eyes. When Mulder picked up that phone (comma) his eyes bugged out of his head (Ow!) and he go (got) that mischievous look he always gets when he is excited. (Mischievous=excited? Excited=mischievous? Whatever.) He stood there for a minute or two listening into the receiver and then put it.. (Where? Hmmm, on second thought, maybe I don't want to know.) Mulder just stood there with his mouth gaping open. (My jaw has dropped, too, by this point.)

(How to address the opening paragraph? It is supposed to "grab" the reader. Well, I guess this one did. Only not in the way the author intended.)

Finally I said to him, "Mulder, are you going to tell me something or are you just trying to catch flies for dinner?" (He'd be better off catching flies than talking to X-Chick's version of Scully.)

He answered in time with his usually laugh. (Can YOU figure out what the hell the author is trying to say here?) "Uh, actually (comma) that was skinner." (No, it was not "skinner." It was "Skinner." There is a difference. Learn it.)

Okay, this conversation was going nowhere and fast. (And so is this story!) So I decided to pursue it a little farther. "Mulder, cut to the chase.  What's this about?" (Excellent question.)

I replied to me in a casual manner. ("He replied casually," would sound so much better, wouldn't it?) "Skinner wants us to go down to Montana and check out a murder case." (Finally, one reasonably acceptable sentence.)

"Okay (comma) Mulder (comma) that's not so surprising. So what's so BIG about this that it's left you speechless? I know there has to (be) something to these cases (Mulder just said "case," so how can Scully know there are cases, plural?) other than the murder element. In the seven years I've know (known) you (comma) not once have you been excited about a normal case, it's just not your style. Would you like to share with the class?"

I know (tense change, from past to present) I went a little too far with that one (comma) but I really need to get to the bottom of this. I mean (comma) this is killing me to not know what this is about. (Especially since you've been waiting all of 30 seconds.) I think he knows that it's eating me alive and just wants to keep me hanging (comma) but if he doesn't tell me this (comma) I'm just going to pop. (Way too much exposition in this paragraph. Instead of Scully TELLING us how she feels, why doesn't she SHOW us? Oh, and there was no reason to use the word "just" twice in that last sentence. Or even once.)

"Okay (comma) Scully," thank god (capital G) he's gonna finally share his conversation with Skinner with me (I was about to explode from having to wait half a minute.) , "this is your typical case, ya know (comma) the kind that they first put you on in your first year after you got out of Quantico. It's a murder and it's garbage. It's a total waste of time. Actually (comma) this is just like the time they assigned us to doing the rounds on poop. And just for the record (comma) I never really escaped the god-awful smell. (I might never escape the smell of this putrid story!) But this time it's different; they have use (us) actually doing a case on an open and shut scenario. I mean (comma) even a rookie idiot can solve this." (Remember the first paragraph, when Scully said Mulder looked excited while listening to Skinner's phone call? Guess she was wrong!)

Wow (comma) I didn't expect that blow to the stomach (because of the bizarre swing back to past tense). Never in my seven years with Mulder (Yes, you already mentioned the seven years.) have (and we are back in present tense!) I heard him to refer to a case as garbage. (Excuse me, but he wasn't too fond of that Flukeman case at first glance. He even went to Skinner's office to yell at him for assigning it!) Also, he did smell like horse poop for a quite a long time. (Compared to this story, a pleasant odor.) But that's beside the point. (Which is?)

I had (to change tenses again to try to keep this story interesting) to say something to him to comfort him. (While you're at it, spare some sympathy for us poor readers.) You'd think he joined the FBI for cases like this. I mean (comma) he's a profiler! For god's (capital G) sake (comma) this is what he does, and he worked in violent crimes (comma) too. I guess over the past seven years (Okay, we get the point, you've been working with Mulder for seven years. You don't need to keep telling us.) his points of view have changed. (What an insight!) No, he's changed. When I first was assigned to The X-Files and Mulder (comma) I never dreamed that I would be working for so long and get so close to him. Mulder started out as a dreamy eyed young agent; he believed anything that had to do with the paranormal. Over the years (comma) he has learned that people have been out to lie to him and that he can trust no one. (The cliches are out there...) Don't get me wrong (comma) I've learned so much over these years. (What, no "seven" years?) Mulder has taught me to be honest to myself and that I can't be vulnerable in this `boy's club.'

Still (comma) I feel (And we are in present tense. Now, just STICK WITH IT. Please.) that I am in a way responsible for some of this. (Actually, you aren't; the author is.) I have to answer soon so that Mulder doesn't totally get mad. So I blurt out, "We have to do whatever they want (comma) Mulder. Kersh and Skinner did say that we could `just quit.' But would you really be willing to give this all up because they want to see if they can get to you? You can't let them do that. If you quit now," I paused (A hint: Verbs that end in "ed" are past tense, and those that end in "s" are present tense. You don't want to mix and match them.) for a second in fear that he would get even madder but I got no response, "remember?" (Now Scully is afraid of Mulder? Take these pod people away and give me the REAL Mulder and Scully!)

He looked a little bit touched (in the head) by my words and gave in, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think." (Much like my hope as I read further into this story.)

Good (comma) he's (jumped back to present tense despite my request) getting reasonable now…and I'll go for the touchdown. (And the extra point, while I'm at it.) "Sure (comma) I mean (comma) you never know what you might find. The truth could be out there (comma) Mulder." (Yay, rah, Cheerleader Scully to the rescue!)

"And I'm sure I'll find all the truths and conspiracies lurking out there in Montana." he said sarcastically. (Except for Mulder switching back to past tense, and that period where a comma should have been, a pretty good sentence.)

(See the long paragraph below? That is not a good sign. Warning: There are more tense issues that I'm going to touch. What I'd really like to do is to hit the delete key on the entire paragraph.)

I sat down at my desk. I had to get some work done and look over this new case file. (When exactly did Scully get this file? It must have magically appeared, because Skinner just assigned the case over the phone about two minutes ago.) The case files are always the things I find interesting about this job. (The field work just pales in comparison, huh?) It's amazing that people can find so much out about a crime but it's still incredible (incredibly) hard to solve it. I guess it's one of those things that brings so much excitement to the job. Actually (comma) when I first started (comma) my instructor, Agent Stevens, said, "Okay (comma) people, before you get in over your heads (comma) I want to tell you a couple things. First, this isn't all fun and games. It's an actual job with responsibilities, you can't afford to slack off. Second, if you expect to be running out there with your badge and gun using it a lot and being the big hero (comma) then think again. You won't be like Clarice Starling from The Silence of the Lambs." I don't know what it was about that little sermon that stuck with me all these years (comma) but it did. I did notice one thing while with the FBI (comma) and that is that almost every word in that speech of his wasn't true. Well (comma) the part about hard work was true. (But the part about it being an "actual job with responsibilities" wasn't?) I have used my gun so many times it is unbelievable. I know my mother worries about me using the gun (comma) and Bill, well, he's Bill. What can I say. If I had to decide between this job and any other (including medicine) (comma) I would choose this. Probably because of my wonderful partner. Mulder is the one who completes me. (Retch!) He is everything that I can't be and is my touchstone as I am his. (Double retch!) He's expressed his appreciation in so many different ways and on so many different occasions (comma) but I know how he feels. (Of course you know how he feels if he's expressed his appreciation in that many ways.) That's another thing about our partnership. I feel very comfortable with him. I'm not sure why (Frankly, judging from the rambling thoughts in this paragraph, neither am I.) (comma) but he's the only one I can cry in front of. Of course (comma) I try to obtain the rigid look. I know what some people call me, `Ice Queen,' but that doesn't matter much to me anymore. (For the billionth time, the "Ice Queen" nickname is a fan-fiction invention. It has never, ever, ever been uttered on the show.) Like what Gibson said (comma) I don't really care what others think of me. Except for Diana .. (weird punctuation thingie) That woman always got me really ticked off (comma) but now that she's gone I feel a sense of guilt. When I told Mulder of her death (comma) he looked crushed, but the thing I feel so guiltily (guilty) for is that I enjoyed saying those words. "She's dead (comma) Mulder. They found her dead in her apartment." I remember those words like it was yesterday.

Tomorrow will be a new day with new experiences (I was expecting an old day with old experiences.) and we're on our way to Montana. I know what Mulder's going to say, "Welcome to Hicksville," and he'll exclaim, "my cell phone doesn't work! That's the end of the line." I swear (comma) if Mulder didn't have his cell phone with him (comma) he'd go into anaphylactic shock. (Well, at least "anaphylactic" is spelled right, even if it is used incorrectly.)

Later that day I go home (Pick a tense, any tense, and just stick with it. Okay?), take a hot bath with my favorite white musk bath bubble (Give the author credit for not choosing a fruit scent.) and watch some TV and go to bed. As I lie in my bed (comma) the last thing I remember is thinking of Mulder.

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The next day we board the flight (Good, she's started out in present tense and we can only hope she will stay there.) for Montana (just Montana, since the author is too lazy to specify a city) and just sit. We sit like usual, (How many different ways ARE there to sit?) Mulder always gets the isle (aisle) seat. One night he told me why he does that after a fight we had about the seating arrangement. He told me that he did it because he saw a Twilight Zone episode where there was a gremlin on the outside of the plane and that just spooked him from that day on. Imagine that, Spooky Mulder being afraid of an old show. (It's official: This is not the real Mulder. The Mulder we all know and love would WANT the window seat if he thought there was the slightest possibility that he might see a strange creature outside. He certainly wouldn't be afraid of a gremlin or a TV show.) Also, he might need some more leg room due to his height. (That explanation is just a little more likely, don't you think?)

Once we get to our hotel (comma) we go to our rooms (instead of running off to the mall). My room is a nice one with a TV with cable. (Isn't that standard?) Here's one thing that people don't know…the FBI is very cheap when it comes to accommodations for it's (its) agents. Who can survive on $10 a day for a room. (question mark, not period) CHEAP. (Are we supposed to believe that all these years, the FBI has been budgeting $10 a room each for M. and S., and they've actually found accommodations at that rate? Or that they've been paying the balance out of their own pockets? It's almost impossible to find a room for $10.)

I sit in my bed and read over this case file. (I thought she read it yesterday, in the office?) It just doesn't make any sense. (It's not the only thing that doesn't...) This man or woman doesn't leave anything that makes sense. (You just said that, but it IS worth repeating.) At this first crime he leaves us 3 clues, each of them totally different from the other (others). (Would you mind telling us the nature of these "totally different" clues? I guess it is too much to ask for a little detail now when you haven't given any previously.) The killer is probably a man because I doubt a woman could kidnap and kill a full grown man unless she is helped by another man. So I start typing on my laptop about the case and collect data to piece together and then I hear it.

"Bang! Bang! Bang!" it (capital I) was the door. (A talking door? And it spoke in past tense, too.)

I slowly walk (into present tense, in defiance of the door) over to the door with my hand on my hip hovering over my gun. (I don't even think of calling, "Who's there?") As I swing it open (comma) I apparently startle Mulder (comma) who is waiting on the other side. (He isn't used to people opening doors after he knocks.) I am glad to see him (comma) but he startled me. (Normal people don't knock on doors.)

"God (comma) Mulder (comma) you scared me to death!" (I expected you to just pick the lock if you wanted to talk.)

"Sorry (comma) Scully (comma) but I really want to tell you this."

"Okay (comma) shoot (comma) Mulder."

"Have you ever heard of a famous NYPD police officer name (named) Lincoln Rhyme?"

"Uh (comma) yeah (comma) actually (comma) I have, why?"

"Well (comma) I was just e-mailed by him and he said he was in town."

"Okay (comma) but still (comma) why would he want to talk to us?"

"Before I go on (comma) Scully (comma) I have to tell you something. I was going through some of our old case files (and) found a case that Rhyme worked on a year or two ago. It's called The Bone Collector case. Have you heard of it?"

I was (past tense again) getting interested now (present tense) so I listened (past tense) on and only nodded my head (What else would you nod EXCEPT your head? Just say "nodded".) to show I have. (Had. Had, had, HAD! Dammit, she switched tenses three times in one sentence! In fact, that entire sentence is so awful, I am rewriting it: "Interested, I nodded." There. In three words, I said what it took X-Chick 18 to state. I feel better.)

He continued (into the past tense--oh, this is painful), "Well (comma) what you, the media, and public don't know is there was some classified information on this case. Once they arrested this man (comma) they believed that the case was closed, but, listen to this, one night something happened. The prisoner escaped. He killed 2 (write it out) guards and injured 1 (write it out) inmate when he tried to get a knife, and you know what damage this guy can do with a knife. They kept this all under wraps pretty well (comma) but there was something that seemed to disturb people. When they looked for foot prints in the mud outside (comma) guess what they found."

I'm in this now, "What?" (I am back in present tense. I was using past tense but present tense is much more interesting but in the next sentence I will return to past tense.)

In a low voice he said (What did I tell you?), "Nothing." As if nothing had happened (wishful thinking) (comma) he continued with his speech, "So we have to meet him in New York tomorrow at 12'o clock noon." (Just say "noon." You don't need the "12'o clock" part. You really don't. Also, you just said that guy e-mailed Mulder to say he was in town, as in, somewhere in Montana. So why does he want to meet in New York tomorrow?)

What? "What? Mulder (comma) we have to stay on this case. Do you have any idea what the FBI (comma) let alone Kersh (comma) will do to us?" (Kersh is part of the FBI, yes, he is.)

"Well (comma) actually (comma) Scully (comma) yeah (comma) I do (comma) but ya know I like to live dangerously. Anyways (comma) this is a part of the case, it's a lead and a solid connection. (No, it isn't! Mulder has given no evidence to support this statement.) Wouldn't you like to have some closure on this? This could be something big (comma) Scully. Very big."

God, why does he do this to me and that look he gives me, it's like a puppy. (I guess I should be thankful she didn't say "injured puppy," but I just can't find it in myself to be grateful for small blessings. Especially since this entire paragraph consists of Scully's thoughts, and should be punctuated accordingly.) Still (comma) I don't want to loose (lose) my job (comma) but some of the word (words) he's speaking do hold some weight. I mean (comma) it is a part of our job to follow leads (comma) and this would be a great opportunity. (For starters, S. and M. have just arrived in Montana and have done NO investigating yet. Plus, Scully would not regard running off to New York to follow a dubious lead as a great opportunity. She would chew Mulder's ass out for coming up with the idea. She might eventually agree to go, but not without a fight.)

So I gave in (with virtually no argument) and said, "Okay (comma) Mulder (comma) but I'm not going to take any of the blame is (if) Kersh wants to crucify us." (Are you kidding? You agreed to go. You're going to take some blame whether you want to or not.)

"Fare (fair) enough." I can't he gave in that easily. (Present tense, yet again. And I think what the author meant to write is that she can't "believe" Mulder gave in that easily. More like SCULLY gave in easily.)

The next thing I knew (past tense) (comma) Mulder had left. I just hope (present) that we don't loose (lose) our jobs for this one. Of course (comma) we've been in plenty of trouble with the FBI (comma) but the majority of that was with Skinner (comma) and he always managed to save our butts. If it wasn't for that man (comma) I'd probably be out of a job and have to be a doctor. (What a tragedy!) I am truly grateful to Skinner.

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The very next day (comma) we arrived (back in past tense, and I have now officially developed mental whiplash) in NY (write it out) and went down to the NYPD headquarters. I hadn't noticed how clean DC was until I visited NY again. We talked to the stations (station's) big, fat, doughnut eating (Way to work in another cliche!) officer at the front desk. He was a blob of a man and wouldn't let us go through to Officer Rhme's (Rhyme's) office until we flashed our badges at him.

Rhyme was a very kind man but seemed to be slightly bitterer (bitter) due to his injury. (And what injury would that be? To his head, arm, back, leg? What?.) He could now use his full body but it seemed he needed a cane. ("Seemed" to need a cane? Either he needed it or he didn't. Which is it?) I had read all his books and found them to be fascinating. Of course (comma) forensics always held a certain place in my heart (comma) but since I've been with Mulder I haven't been thinking about many things like that. (Since you began working with Mulder, you've become a mindless fool, right?)

Mulder started this conversation very quickly, (Most people do begin speaking soon after entering someone's office.) "Hello (comma) Officer Rhyme. I'm Special Agent Mulder (comma) and this is my partner (comma) Agent Scully. I received an e-mail from you about a case."

There was a slight wait before he answered, "Yes (comma) Agent Mulder. Let me explain. I heard from a superior of your (yours) that you were investigating a case of two murders. (Delete "a case of".) Let me take a guess at the circumstances. There was three pieces of evidence left at the crime scenes but you can't figure out what they mean (comma) or even (comma) in some cases (comma) what they are. (They found three pieces of evidence but don't know what they are? Does this statement make ANY sense?) This is all new to you. One case is a married couple with some amount of wealth and status. The second is a young man in his twenties." With a slight pause (comma) he said, "Agent Mulder (comma) you have theories. Also, you have a feeling. What is that feeling?" (Is this guy psychic, or what?)

Mulder answered, "Uh (comma) well (comma) I think the person we are dealing with is a man who is a normal man that you would never suspect. Also (comma) I have a feeling that this man will commit one more murder and he will kill one more time. (Pick one: "commit one more murder," or "kill one more time." You don't need both.) The stuff you said before is all true. How did you know?"

"Agent Mulder (comma) I know this all because this is exactly what John Stanton did (comma) and you're (your) suspicions are all true. This man will kill one more time (comma) and I can tell you exactly how this will happen (comma) but I won(')t. (Why not? Wouldn't he want to help a fellow law-enforcement officer capture a murderer?) All you have to do is read a book, The Bone Collector: A Story of True Crimes. (Rhyme expects them to waste precious time reading a book when he can just tell him what they need to know? Oy!) This Stanton is a serial killer. (Could have fooled me.) Still (comma) he is unlike any other case I have ever investigated. Stanton is ruthless." (And other serial killers AREN'T ruthless?)

I hadn't expected this, it was amazing (comma) but I needed to know what drew Mulder to this. Unlike any of the other cases we had worked on that he enjoyed (comma) there was no telepathy, ghosts, monsters, mutants, evil little girls (comma) nothing. I needed to know what Mulder had found so fascinating about this case. (Yes, you said that two sentences ago.)

So I blurted out something I probably shouldn't have (Why not? It's a valid question!), "So why do you like this case so much (comma) Mulder?" Oops!

Mulder answered in his wise alic (alec) tone, "Well (comma) Ms (period) Scully (comma) I am so fascinated by this case because of the murderer and one other thing."

"What's that (comma) Mulder?"

(") During both of these cases (comma) there was a little boy who saw. I know it's not a big thing (Considering his high level of education, Mulder would probably say "uncommon" instead of "not a big thing.") for a person to see a murder (comma) but it's the person who saw the murder. His name is William Smith. He's a kid that has an ability." (Why didn't Mulder already tell Scully about this witness? Or why wasn't he mentioned in the case file? His existence is important information.)

"And that ability would be?"

"He can see dead people. I know that's a little hard to believe (A little? Especially for Scully!) but just listen. He said this man was one who was dead and needed to tell someone something before he could move on." (I would like to "tell someone something," too: That was a crappy sentence!)

(Let's see: Mulder said that the little boy was a witness in "both of these cases": presumably, the Bone Collector case, and the recent Montana killings. Will apparently lives in/near New York. Was he vacationing in Montana when he witnessed those murders? Did the Bone Collector incidents also occur in Montana? When exactly was Stanton killed? The police had to be able to see him to arrest him (so he must have been alive at that point), yet when he broke out of prison, he left no footprints. I have to assume he was killed during his escape, before he reached the muddy area where no footprints were found. But hey, this is just speculation. The author didn't help out much.)

This little idea from Mulder left me astonished (comma) but Rhyme seemed to be quite content. And he followed this silence with a reply. "Will does hold this capability and I do believe that it's true. The only thing that I have a question about is (comma) how do you stop a killer who's already dead? You can't kill him." (Duh...)

I had an idea at that time but I held back as long as I could (a whopping six seconds) from telling them what I thought but I had to. "Well (comma) you said that Will said there was something he needed to do before he could move on. How about we find out what he needs to do and give it to him." (No, no, no! The REAL Scully would question the very idea of a dead man being the killer and press for a more logical explanation rather than immediately embracing this option.)

I knew it was a bad idea (If you knew it, why did you say it? And actually, it isn't a bad idea, it's logical.) and now Mulder was going to open his mouth and let me have it, "Scully (comma) how do we know that this guy will tell the kid his problem?" (Oh, this is all wrong. Mulder is being given Scully's dialogue.)

Rhyme cut in, "He has to. It's common knowledge that an specter wants to move on but can't find a way to. He'll tell us, it's his only hope. I think these murders are a way to get our attention."

"Some way to get attention," I couldn't resist. (Good sentence there.)

A short time after that conversation (comma) we were on our way to the Smith residence to have a little chat with Will.

(Clarification time: Rhyme told M. and S. to read "The Bone Collector," even though he could give them the information they needed. He then proceeded to tell them what he knew. So why did he say they should read the book? Which, evidently, they never did. X-Chick, you can't expect us to read your mind. You have to explain some of these things. )

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"KNOCK, KNOCK!!!!" (Another talking door?) Mulder slammed on the door. (Why so violent? Surely ordinary knocking would have sufficed.) A couple seconds later (comma) a woman in her mid thirties answered that door (as opposed to the one across the street) with a laundry basket in her hands. Mulder and I flashed our badges to her and she let us in right away.

"Hi, we heard about your son's ability and what he has seen recently. I am sure this has been hard on him but I'd like to talk to him." Mulder was trying to be as nice about this as he could (comma) but in my eyes there was no easy way to be nice about this. (I know that feeling well.)

The woman's piercing voice broke (Ow!) through the silence. "Sure."

A few minutes later (comma) the little boy walked into the room and sat down in a chair across from me. I started questioning him.

"Hi (comma) Will (comma) I'm Dana. We heard about your gift and wanted to ask you a couple of questions. This man Smith. (I thought his name was Stanton?) Do you know what he wants? If you know what he wants (comma) you can help him move on."

The little boy had a look of confusion (on) his face (No wonder, after that garbled explanation.) but finally answered, "John wants to tell the families something. He said he just wanted to say he's sorry, sorry for hurting them.(")

"That's all? Do you know where he is?" (Um, if he's dead, it's not like you can arrest him or anything.)

"No, he just wonders." (He's not the only one.)

It only took fifteen minutes to call Rhyme and have him call all five families for a meeting in DC.

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That day (comma) we talked to all the families and told them the news. (That the ghost who murdered their loved ones is sorry. Bet that went over big!) I suspect it gave them some piece (peace) of mind but could never fix what was done. (Yeah, obviously the dead people aren't coming back!) During that case (comma) I learned that that (delete second "that") Mulder cared about the boy and felt for him. (That last sentence is so bad in so many ways that it should just plain be erased.)

As for my relationship with Mulder (comma) well (comma) we're like brother and sister. (And shippers everywhere moan in dismay, while any noromos who made it this far into a story categorized as MSR scream with joy.) I always felt very close to him (comma) but it was a family type of feeling. (Which you already said, when you noted that you are like brother and sister.) If Mulder wants to elevate our relationship (comma) I wouldn't fight it (even though he seems like my brother). But for now I wait, wonder, and remain content with our solid partnership.

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THE END (None too soon for me!)

*****

Feedback- I'd like any feedback you've got on the story.

(You aren't gonna like mine.)

Please write to [email protected].

*****

RATINGS

(0=good, 5=bad in all categories.)

Evilness Rating:

4

I've read worse. But that doesn't let this overplotted, undersupported excuse for an X-File off the hook.

Who ARE these people?:

3

Again, characterization was not as horrible as in many other stories. But I keep coming back to the following moments in particular:

·                    Mulder, afraid to sit in the window seat on an airplane?

·                    Scully, panicking when she heard a knock on her door?

·                    Mulder, startled because the door he knocked on was opened?

·                    Scully, swallowing the story about the dead man with hardly an objection?

I could go on, but I won't. As for the dialogue, it was pretty stilted, though Mulder got a few good lines.

I Speech Goodly:

4

Those dizzying tense changes alone doomed this one. Besides which, X-Chick created numerous awkward sentences. The punctuation was good, except for the 100+ missing commas. Here's a tip: In the sentence "Yes, Mulder, I know," you will notice a comma both before and after Mulder's name. This sentence is NOT to be written "Yes Mulder I know."

I R A Gud Speler:

3

Spelling was excellent, with the exception of a few minor mistakes that were most likely typos. However, the lack of proofreading really hurt. Missing words, occasional missed capitalizations, and other obvious errors could have been avoided if X-Chick had reviewed her work even once.

Gak-o-Tron:

.5

One very important point: This story was categorized MSR and quite clearly was not. There wasn't even any UST. It actually ended with Scully saying she was content with being friends with Mulder. The .5 gak score comes from the horrendous Scully inner monologues (Mulder is her touchstone, she is his, etc.). There is no significant gak factor because there was no MSR. But I must caution X-Chick: It makes for unhappy readers when you so blatantly mislabel a story.

Laziness Quotient:

5

Puppy eyes, the truth could be out there, trust no one... Not to mention gaping plot holes. X-Chick couldn't even be bothered to proofread. A well-earned 5.

Death to Clones:

1

The basic idea was good, and pretty original. (A bit of a "Sixth Sense" ripoff, but it's not like everyone else is doing it.) Too bad it wasn't better executed. But that touchstone crap has got to go.

And your point was...?:

5

An MSR with no romance. A horror story with no horror. (Unless you want to count the writing itself.) A content warning for blood, gore, and violence when there was none. An X-File so clumsily thrown together, I needed to reread entire sections in an attempt to make sense of it.Yes, a 5 sounds about right.

Wild Card

Lapses in Logic: Off the charts!

Where to begin? Oh, where to begin? I could cry just thinking about the inconsistencies, but I'd rather laugh. A few examples: Mulder didn't tell Scully about the existence of a witness until well into the case? A man e-mailed Mulder from somewhere "in town," then wanted to meet across the country the next day? Scully didn't even give Mulder a good argument when he said he wanted them to go? A police officer who knew vital information told two FBI agents to read a book to find out what he could simply tell them?  The serial killer, who was at one point referred to as being ruthless, really just wanted to let the victims' families know he was sorry? Which was it? Was he ruthless, or regretful?