Life Cycles: The Unveiling

by Susan Proto

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Disclaimers in Part 1

Part 4/5,

Disemboweled by The Wicked Witch of the Yukon

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April 13, 1996

1:00 a.m.

"No, nooo, nooo, please!" Fox Mulder was crying out in his sleep, "I'm not, nooo, I'm not!"  ("No, nooo, nooo, please!"  The Wicked Witch of the Yukon was crying out at her computer, wondering why the author felt it necessary in part four of five to introduce us to a character we already knew...by his full name.)

  Scully woke up with a start. It took her a moment or two to get her bearings, when she saw she was in bed with her partner. *Right,* she thought to herself. *I did this on purpose for just this reason,* she realized as she fended off one wildly thrashing arm after the other.

  "Mulder, Mulder, shhhh. It's okay, it's just a dream. Wake up, Fox. (FOX?  Yukon assumes she is using his first name as a shock attempt to rouse him.  Let's see if it works.)  It's just a dream," she repeated over and over, all the while patting his back in an effort to soothe him.

  Some time past (Erg.  "Passed".  Tsk.)  and Mulder calmed down enough that he sat with his knees up to his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs. He rocked himself slightly, but continually. Scully wasn't all that positive he was fully awake yet, (He's sitting up, arms wrapped around his legs, and he's rocking.  Yeah, sounds like classic sleeping behavior to me.  And the "Fox" gambit doesn't seem to be working.  Hey, maybe it's like some kind of First Name Shock Grenade, delay and all.  Let's count.  ONE.)  but at least he was no longer in the throes of whatever nightmare was causing him to panic.   (Yukon thanks the author for getting "throes" correct.  And TWO.)

  "Mulder, can you hear me?" she asked softly. "Mulder, please, if you can hear me, you've got to answer me."  (THREE...FOUR...FIVE...)

  Mulder continued to rock back and forth, hugging himself for comfort.  (Still nothing.  SIX...SEVEN...)

  "Please, Fox. You're scaring me. (EIGHT... And no fair...she's pulling the pin a second time.)

  Please show me that you're still here with me," she pleaded while she caressed his arm.  (NINE...)

  At the sound of his first name, he turned to look at her quizzically. (TEN.) "You called me Fox." (BOOM!)

  "It got your attention, didn't it?" she replied softly, as she gently began rubbing his back.  (Hey, it worked!)

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said.

  "I know you didn't. I just want to make sure you're okay, that's all," she replied. After a few moments, while still rubbing his back, she stated, "That was the humdinger, wasn't it?"

  Fox (FOX?  Yukon pulls out her binoculars to scout about for this "Fox" person.) stopped rocking and turned his head towards her. He nodded his head and then propped his head down on the top of his knees. Scully sat up on her knees in an effort to position herself as close to him as possible.

  "Tell me about it, Mulder."

  "I can't," he whispered.  ("I need to deny the problem a little while longer so the author can demonstrate your exceeding care for and concern over my current emotional state.')

  "You have to. You have to get this out, Mulder. It's eating you up inside (, Mulder). Please (, Mulder). Tell me what the dream was about (, Mulder)."  (Mulder sat on the bed quietly, rocking back and forth, blissfully unaware of the telltale tendrils of plant matter still attached to the gooey redhead kneeling beside him.)

  She moved to embrace him, and though he stiffened up at her touch, she continued to hold him, no matter how much he thought he didn't deserve it.  (Wow, dual POV.  Neato.)

  "I think I'm remembering something. I don't think it's so much a nightmare, as more of a real memory." Scully nodded in acknowledgment .  Mulder continued.

 "Every time I've dreamt this, I've seen a little more and heard a little more. It's from the night Sam was taken." He paused and took some deep breaths. This was the part that was so difficult for him to accept.  (Yet, evidenced by his next speech, he found a way to accept it.  Wow, guess it wasn't all that difficult after all.)

 "Oh God Scully, it wasn't supposed to be her. It was me! It was always supposed to be me. He never wanted me. Never. He never wanted me," he sobbed.  (Pod Person Scully held Pod Person Fox, hoping to clear away the residual memories of the abuse doled out by Prototype Pod Person Bill Mulder.)

 Mulder leaned into Scully to seek her warmth and comfort. She, in turn, embraced him in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Mulder. I'm so sorry." She held onto him tightly, whispering in his ear .  (Yukon is aware the Scully is short, but wow, she's short enough to fit completely inside his auditory cavity?  Author the word is "into", not "in".  "I dove in the pool" means something very different from "I dove into the pool.")

 "Scully," he cried, "he said I was a bastard. He kept saying he never wanted me. I don't think I was his. I don't think I was his son."  (Yukon gives the author a small round of applause for hypothesizing this in 1996.  Unfortunately Pod Person Fox seems to have concluded that from little or no evidence.  The word "bastard" was used in the flashback as part of a string of accusations and harsh words.  There has been no reason given for Pod Person Fox to take that one particular word literally.)

 "It's okay, Mulder. It doesn't matter anymore. He's gone, Mulder. He's dead and gone, and tomorrow we're going to finally lay him to rest."

 Mulder continued to sob on her shoulder. Scully could only offer him small words of comfort and gentle caresses of tenderness.

 "Scully, what is it about me?" he asked in between sobs.  (Yukon braces herself.  The sky is turning green, which usually portends the arrival of a twister.)

 "What do you mean?"   (...or a self-castigating, self-loathing Mulder...)

 "What is it about me that's so unlovable?" he cried. ("Why did my Daddy hate me so darned much?  Why did he hiss at me every time I came near?  Why was Daddy all covered with sticky plant sap and little green tendrils?  The tornado is upon us, gentle readers.)

 "Oh Mulder, it was never you. Don't ever think it was you. It was him. He was the one who couldn't deal with life's glitches. He was the one who never had the love to give. You were never unlovable, Fox Mulder. Never.  (Pod Person Scully removed her panties and held them to Pod Person Fox's face like an ether cone. "There there, Fox.  Just breathe.  Everything will be all right.")

 "In fact, you are one of the most lovable people I've ever known," she concluded.

 "Scully, my own mother can't even love me," he retorted.  (Pod Person Scully was becoming impatient with her counterpart's whining.  She briefly considered mixing some chlorine bleach in with his weekly feeding of Schulz' Instant Plant Food.)

 "But don't you see? That's __her__ problem. It was never your problem. You know how to love. You do, Fox Mulder. You are one of the most loving, lovable people I know. You are, (Fox Mulder,) and if I have to remind you (, Fox Mulder,) for the rest of our lives (, Fox Mulder,)  I will."

 "Scully, I __," he began.

 "__Not now, (Fox) Mulder. We're both tired, and we need to get up in a few hours to go to the cemetery. We have a lifetime to deal with all of this, with us. Right now, I want us to both go back to sleep."

 "I'm too tired to argue." He slid back down under the covers, and Scully sidled up next to him. He wrapped both of his arms around her and gently kissed the top of her head.

 "Good night, Mulder," she said sweetly.

 "Good night, Scully. Scully?" he paused.  ("Scully?" he repeated, just in case he hadn't heard her use her name three times in the space of only ten words.)

 "Hmmm?"

 "I love you, Scully."

 "I know that Mulder. Good night."  (Pod Person Scully pondered Pod Person Fox's need to continually repeat her name, and arrived at the conclusion that he was a complete prat.)

 He smiled as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift into a satisfying sleep, because he knew she (Scully, Scully, Scully) loved him too.

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 April 13, 1996

 When they arrived at the cemetery, they stopped at the main office. He asked for directions to plot number 41385WM. After he got the directions, he asked if there was a rabbi available to perform a short service.

 (Because of course every cemetery in Boston always features an anteroom positively filled with Rabbis, reading and waiting on call for any last-minute burials or headstone dedications.  It was no different at this particular unnamed cemetery.  Three men in long black coats thumbed through back issues of "Martha Stewart Living", looking for recipes for veal marsala, wondering aloud if portabello mushrooms are kosher,  and idly discussing an article on ten new ways to style their curly forelocks.)

 Mulder was told by the clerk there was indeed someone available for a small fee, but since it was the Sabbath , no money could be exchanged between he and the Rabbi. So the fee needed to be left at this office and designated for the appropriate Rabbi to be picked up after sundown.

 (And, gentle readers, thus begins the painful and unnecessarily clumsy INFODUMP.  Stand back, readers, while Ms. Proto informs the heathen masses about genuine [?] Jewish customs!  Gape in awe as Ms. Proto lingers on unimportant details!  Tingle with delight at Ms. Proto's inconsistent transliteration of Hebrew into English!

 Yukon has done some actual research, and will take issue with a few points as they come up.  Stay tuned to this font face and type color!)

 Mulder wrote the check for the nominal sum. When Scully looked curiously at him as he wrote the amount in as eighteen dollars, he explained that eighteen is a significant number in Jewish life. It represents "chai" which translates to "life."  (Care to explain that, Professor Proto?  No?  Okay, Yukon will.  The number eighteen, in Hebrew, spells out a word, because like the original Japanese, Hebrew letters also double as numbers.  Chet-yud spells "Chai", or "life".  Now, the more important issue - why does this matter to the story?  It's unnecessary, unless the point of "life" is brought back as important later on.  We'll check in later and see.  Meanwhile, if you're going to lecture to the unwashed crowd, be thorough, will you?)

 Mulder of course found the irony in that, and smiled inwardly as he finished writing the check out for the graveside service. He placed his hand at the small of Scully's back and guided her to the site of the unveiling.

 Prior to seeing the site, Mulder hadn't given a thought as to how he would react to seeing his father's grave. He hadn't thought he would care one way or the other. In fact as they slowly walked towards the plot, Mulder finally began confessing to Scully how ambivalent he was really feeling.

 "You know, it's almost funny in a way. I always feel so damned guilty about everything. Even today, Scully, I feel guilty."  (Yukon does a double take.  Didn't the author just state the Mulder was ambivalent?  Guilt feelings are anything BUT ambivalent.)

 "What could you possibly feel guilty about, Mulder?" she asked, genuinely surprised.  (Pod Person Scully had apparently failed to recognize behavior from earlier in the story, which made it clear that Mulder harbored guilt feelings about not wanting to go in the first place.  She was obviously concerned at this memory lapse, and pulled out a small note pad and jotted down, "Find Good Tree Surgeon.")

 "Well," he began, "I don't think I feel anything for this man. I mean I hardly knew him. Sure, I knew him well enough for my face to connect with his fist every now and then, but I didn't really know him.   ("Sometimes he would hiss at me for no good reason, and tell me that it was all my fault that my sister was eaten by that giant plant from Mars.  I'll never forget it, Scully.  'Feed me, Mulder', it said in a deep R&B type voice.  Oh, Scully, there was such a feud between the pod people and the cannibalistic alien plants.  It was awful, Scully.  Scully, Scully, Scully.")

 I didn't know who his favorite sports team were, hell I didn't even know if he liked baseball, or basketball, or any of the things I liked. He was in essence a complete stranger to me. Shit, Scully I didn't even know what he did for a living, other than the fact that he worked for the State Department.  (Yukon for one is glad to know that the author put so much thought into developing Young Fox's backstory.  Really, why would a brilliant and intuitive investigator need to have demonstrated any inquisitiveness of any kind in his childhood?  Patterns of obsessive curiosity rarely take root in childhood.  Yukon is groaning.)

 "But the strange thing is I don't feel guilty for not knowing him. And that my dear Dr. Scully is the rub. I feel guilty for _not_ feeling guilty! Talk about shooting myself in the foot, eh Scully?!" he laughed ironically.  (Mulder damned himself for the bad metaphor selection with more choice Canadianisms.  "Take off, ya hoser," he told his replicated, inauthentic partner.  "Cold enough fer ya, eh?  Scully?  Scully Scully Scully?")

 Scully smiled at him, and realized just how nervous he was about all of this. They walked a bit further when Mulder pointed to the left and said, "There it is." They passed by about four or five other graves and came to a stop in front of William Mulder's grave site.

 The tombstone was indeed covered up.  (The Proximity Sensor immediately set off an alarm in the Rabbinical Antechamber, prompting a Code Blue.  "You're up, Aaronson," Rabbi Feldman said.  Aaronson put down his copy of Redbook and the can of Tab he'd been nursing for the prior two hours, and went to see who required his services so urgently.)  When the Rabbi appeared he introduced himself as Rabbi Aaronson. He was an older man of about seventy years of age, but he was still a tall, big man. Mulder graciously shook his hand as did Scully. He first observed them both and then looked directly at Mulder and said simply, "I take it __you__ are the relative of the deceased?"

 "Red hair give it away?" Scully asked, slightly annoyed.  ("No, you stupid Pod Person Heathen, I think it might have been that conspicuous CROSS around your neck.")

 "No, my dear, but the crucifix gave me a hint," he replied kindly.  (Yeah. What he said. Well, except for the fact that it's a "cross", and not a "crucifix". Yukon pats herself on the back for seeing this one a mile off.)

 Scully fingered the gold cross around her neck and smiled shyly at the Rabbi. "Very observant, Rabbi."

 "I try to be my dear, I try to be."  (Rabbi Aaronson briefly contemplated dispatching the ridiculously stupid Pod Heathen with a nearby shovel.)

 Mulder smiled at the double meaning behind the Rabbi's response. He thanked him for performing the service.  (Of course he did, because Mulder in 1996 was ever so respectful of and patient with religion.)

 "Do you know why we have an unveiling?" he asked them both.  (Under normal circumstances, he would have assumed that his visitors might know at least a little about the traditions, but after having called him in at the last minute, with no preparation or even a phone call, he seriously doubted that they knew anything at all.  Stupid Goyish Pod Heathens.)

 "I just assumed it was a custom of the Jewish people," replied Mulder.  (The Rabbi, realizing that Mulder could recite chapter and verse of the Necronomicon but didn't have even the slightest idea about his own clan, beat him to death with the shovel.  The End.)

 "Well it is, of course, but it has roots in the practical too. You would find that most of the Judaic customs have a more pragmatic origin.   (And thus the REAL infodump begins.  Don't forget to wipe.)

 "The mourning period is officially one year. Jewish law requires that we erect a tombstone for the deceased so he or she is not forgotten during or after the mourning period.

 "Of course there's another reason. Graves that had tombstones were less likely desecrated.

 "So nu?  (Ooh, a bissel of Yiddish.  How quaint.  Yawn.)  Let's begin.  (Closing the quotes would be a good idea.)   The rabbi took out a simple, black yalmulkah, ("yarmulke", Rabbi Proto) similar to the skull cap he wore on his own head, and handed it to Mulder. He put it on without protest.

 Next, the rabbi pulled out an old, tattered prayer book. He recited the prayers in Hebrew, but then kindly offered a quick English translation so both Mulder and Scully would get the gist of the meaning.

 Next, Rabbi Aaronson told them they would say the Mourner's Kaddish. Ironically, he said, the prayer does not mention death. It's more of an affirmation of life for the living. He went on to explain it was similar to the act of sitting shiva after the death of a loved one.   (You know, a little reaction to this would be kind of neat.  Oh, but Yukon forgot: these are Pod Mulder and Pod Scully.  They only know how to whine and demonstrate too much emotion for the time frame.)

 Unlike a wake where the focus is on memorializing the deceased, sitting shiva allows the focus to be on the family and loved ones left to deal with the death.

 (Infodump completed.  Don't forget to flush.)

 "Did you have the opportunity to sit shiva for your father, Mr. Mulder?" he asked gently.

 "No, Rabbi," Mulder whispered in response.  ("Well, actually I did, but I hated the miserable slimy alcoholic violent abusive Consortium-consorting tendril-ridden bastard.  Why, does that matter?")

 "It would have helped," he replied kindly. "But now, let's begin."

 He began to recite the Mourner's Kaddish.

 "Yit-gadal v'yit-kadash sh'mey raba, b'alma di v'ra hirutey, vyam-lih mal-hutey b'ha-yey- hon uv'yomey-hon uv'ha-yey d'hol beyt yisrael ba-agala u-vizman kariv, v'imru amen.

 (Right.  A seventy-odd-year-old Rabbi recites the Mourner's Kaddish in what he would consider "new" Hebrew.  Nuh-uh.  Yukon has done her research.  Behold.

 Until the early seventies, Ashkenazic (western European) Hebrew was standard throughout North America.  Only within the last twenty-five or thirty years has Sephardic (eastern and southern European) Hebrew made a comeback.  In other words, old people still speak Ashkenazic Hebrew, and younger folk learned Sephardic.  Most old folks are extremely reluctant to change how they pronounce it.  So here, for the benefit of the readers, is how a seventy-odd-year-old Rabbi would have actually pronounced it:

 ""Yis-gadal v'yis-kadash, sh'mey rabo. B'olmo di v'ro chirusey, v'yamlich mal-chusey. B'hayeychon, uv'yomechon, uv'chayey d'chol beys yisroel, bo-ogola, u-viz'man koriv, v'im'ru, omeyn."....etc. For the sake of Pete, Rabbi Proto, get it right. If a Heathen Witch like me can, with access to the telephone and the internet, why can't you?)

 Scully observed in fascination, as she watched and listened to Mulder recite the words right along with the rabbi. It was as if all of the years he ignored his religious faith were erased away.   (OF COURSE they were.  So let's get this straight.  He doesn't know about headstones, but he can remember the entire Mourner's Kaddish, in Hebrew?  Amazing, considering how often he'd had to miss services because of joint dislocations.)

 Suddenly, Mulder looked like he could have actually belonged to someone or something. The next set of words, Mulder recited by himself.

 "Y'hey sh'mey raba m'varah l'alam ul'almey alma-ya."  (Yukon rolls her eyes.)

 Rabbi Aaronson translated those last words for Scully. "It means 'May His great name be praised to all eternity."

 Scully listened as the rabbi finished the rest of the prayer by himself, though she heard Mulder join him on the "amens." At the conclusion of the prayer, Mulder was then directed to pull off the covering to unveil William Mulder's headstone.

 "Good luck you two. Maybe you'll think about converting?" he said smiling while looking at Scully. (Okay, that was cute.  And very in-character, if he was under the assumption they were a couple.)  But then, after stealing a glance at Mulder, he added, "And then maybe, just maybe, you could help him return to the fold. He looks like he could use someone to believe in."  (Yukon is suddenly groaning again.  No, NO, not the Benevolent Third Party Keen On Getting Them Together.  Please, say it ain't so!)

 Scully nodded in agreement and thanked the Rabbi for his time. She shook his hand and then watched him as he went to bid his farewell to Mulder. The Rabbi placed his hands on both of Mulder's shoulders.

 "It is time, my boy, to let go of the past and move on to the future. And it looks to me young man, like your future is only a few feet away from you. (OY, the pain.)  Just do me a favor, okay? Ask her to at least consider converting, okay?" Mulder smiled slightly at that request.

 "Good luck Mr. Mulder. May G-d rest your father's soul. Amen"  (What the fu--?)

 "From your mouth to G-d's ears," he murmured as he watched the good Rabbi depart.   ("I feel like I'm wilting a little, Scully," Pod Fox said wearily.  "Could you get me a nice bowl of water, Scully?  Scully Scully Scully?"

 Oy vey is mir.  That means "oh, woe is me".  Yukon yields the floor.)

 End of part 4/5