"Each cycle of abuse diminishes the man's self-esteem, making him progressively more vulnerable to increased abuse."

"During the actual battering you may feel completely helpless and may do nothing to resist."

"We seem to blame the victim. There are those who hold the victim of rape responsible as though she had seduced the rapist."

"Allowing the abused to be exposed to a batterer while attempts at correcting her problem are being made is placing his life at risk."

"The abuser is a saint in the community while being a monster at home."

"Outside of the house she is very likeable, and no one around believed what she was like in private life."

"Most accounts describe attacks of intense, senseless rage, with brutal beatings. Some describe a "dual personality," with the battering personality being almost unrecognizable. When she gets into her rage her eyes have a different look. I'm sure she could kill."

"The important conclusion we must derive is that at this point in time, initial attempts must be directed not at curing the batterer or preserving the marriage, but at protecting the abused husband. First efforts should be to keep the husband safe from further battering, and this means separation. Once the husband's safety is assured, consideration can be given to therapy and counseling. " "Ideally, the man and his children should remain at home and the offender, the batterer, should be the one to leave. Every effort should be made to get an Order of Protection that would allow the man to return to his home and compel the batterer to leave."

"If the wife has a need a control and dominate, assertiveness may deteriorate into disregarding the husband,s opinion and disparaging him, sometimes belittling him in front of the children. In order to preserve peace in the family, a passive husband may resign himself to this role."

"He may not wish to leave the family because of his love for the wife and children, and his desire to keep the family intact for the children's sake. Culturally, his leaving the marriage might be seen as desertion for which he would be condemned. You may stay in an abusive relationship because you are afraid that the spouse will take the children from you. Finally, setting up housekeeping for himself while providing may be financially unrealistic. For all these reasons, the husband may be trapped in an abusive relationship."

"There can be no compromise on human dignity."

"It has been adequately documented that a husband or wife that is abusive to the spouse is likely to be abusive to the children as well. Abusive behavior in the home is a crime against the spouse and a crime against the children. Furthermore, children reared in a home where there is abuse are likely to become victims of abusers or abusers in their own marriages."

"Abstinance from alcohol is not the same as recovery. In the trade we use the term "dry drunk" to describe this situation. I have treated over 30,000 alcoholics and I have fairly intimate knowledge about the behavoir of people who have achieved quality sobriety. There is simply no resemblance between the sober person and the person who drank." "I cannot stress sufficiently that abstinance from alcohol does not in itself constitute recovery."

In both battering and drinking, remorse and sincere promices mean nothing."

Warning signs.."somehow it was always my fault." "my father did not like her" "she lied to me"

"a number of abused spouses said they became apprehensive about going through with the marriage."

"There was rarely any affection with sex"

"Inherent in conjoint therapy is the concept that both partners share equal rsponsibility for the problem. If abuse is properly understood to be a crime, it becomes obvious that the criminal and her victim do NOT share equal responsibility."

" Most often people who are emotionally abusive are self-righteous and place all blame on others." I highly recommend reading this book, "The Shame Borne in Silence: Spouse Abuse In The Jewish Community" by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.

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There is a word in Jewish, "Emess", which means the real truth and that's what I have revealed in this section. My attorney and dear friend told me that I would have "My day in court", but he passed away recently. I never had that day in court, so to speak. For 3 years after we separated, I had nightmares, fits of depression, worthlessness and dispair; low self esteem, and crying attacks. "Ei'm Yirstah Hashem", with G-d's blessing these will diminish through time and it is now 5 years later and THEY HAVE, thank G-d!!