I will start with when I am hypomanic and focusing on coming down and avoiding hospitalization. This requires that I have expressed the desire to avoid mania previously and am open to feedback when I am in a hypomanic state. I often recognize hypomania myself through my daily registration sheet, but when supporters notice inbalance it really helps if they point it out to me so I can realize how serious it is. Then I look at my mania and stress management sheet and take the necessary actions. I recently took the necessary steps to come down from a nearly manic phase. I had to withdraw from group situations and even limit close contact with friends. Support meant giving me space to heal. I needed low stimuli.
If I do become manic, professionals need to help me limit stimuli even more and ensure that I sleep. I am almost always hospitalized when mania is reached. Supporters often are not allowed to contact me in the beginning except my husband and mother. They have seen me and accepted me at my worst. They need to remember that what I say when manic does not reflect by balanced desires and thoughts. When I am able to have visitors, I appreciated letters which I can read and respond to when able, phone calls, and short visits. I may still be unreasonable and overly active so be prepared.
Once discharged or right before, I can often swoop down into a depression. Here supporters can be my lifeline. My mom used to read to me as I felt so empty that I had little to share yet needed her beside me and the sound of her voice comforted me. Here is a list of ways to support me in a depression:
-remind me of what I have to offer the world and our friendship
-pray with and for me
-take me out for walks and other activities
-encourage me to listen to music
-hug me
-show me you care
-call me often and share your life and listen to me
-talk about what I can accomplish daily, weekly and in the future
-help me make some achieveable goals
-assist me in keeping a normal daily routine including sleeping the required amount and not more
-let me know when I look good or do something you appreciate
-help me organize my space
All these things help with depression, but they also are ways to support me once I have achieved balance.
Once I am balanced, I am able to give support back to you. Additional support can be give through:
-working with stress management
-knowing and recognizing and mentioning my warning symptons
-asking how I am feeling and doing and really listening when I answer
-help me to limit my activity level
-do positive activities with me that are at the acceptable level
Now that I have shared my support strategy, I encourage you to formulate your support strategy using this as a suggested format if you wish. Most likely some of my requests will be similar to yours. Remember to do this in a state of balance. A summary of my general support pattern is:
Hypomania - point out escalation
Mania - respect need for isolation and visit with open mind when appropriate
Depression - lift me up
Stable - help me with limits and support me in growth
Then remember to ask those you trust, those who support you otherwise, professionals, to support you in the ways you have decided will work for you. Listen if they have feedback. Ask for what will work for them.
As additional information, I feel the need to give guidance to supporters when the affected person refuses support. When I am on the high side, I may need to refuse support due to need to limit interaction. However, let us say that I am doing something which is totally out of character or even dangerous for myself or others and the support you are offering is an attempt to stop this behaviour, but you are unsuccessful. Now it is time to tell me to seek professional help, bring professional help to me, take me to the hospital, or in extreme cases contact the police so that I can be placed in the hospital. Voluntary admission is best, but involuntary is sometimes necessary. In my case, I respond positively to the police officers and do not hold grudges against the people who contacted them. Even if the bipolar individual has a temporary or lasting grudge, it is better that they are getting help, it could save their lives. Following up that your loved one or friend is receiving proper care and visiting when invited and allowed ensure best chances for recovery and return to a healthy relationship pattern. Remember that depression often follows mania and withdrawal may be a warning sign of depression. Make yourself available and visit when you can even if the depressed individual has little to input or says that it is not necessary. It is ideal if an agreement has been made beforehand as to what kind of support is best in the phase.