How can mania be recognized? I would like to share with you the sign and symptons of my mania and some interesting illustrations.

I get overly energetic. I have used this excess energy to do such things as reorganize my entire living space. I used three basic categories: physical, mental, and spiritual needs. I saw these divisions as all important and all resolving. The result was chaos once I got my senses back.

My talk, thoughts and actions get speedy and pressured. I once talked 200 words a minute. I believed and often acted on the racing thoughts that popped into my head whether they were rational or not!

I become financially irresponsible. My first episode, I spent almost 400 dollars in a drug store on paper products. I wanted to reach out to the world!

I become oddly "insightful". I began to create a new language. I came up with "wonderful" business schemes. These lost appeal once I was balanced. I wrote inspired works in minutes.

I need very little sleep. This is how the mania starts off. My first warning sign is staying up and very alert until wee morning hours and waking up early the next day. Then living on short cat naps alone or sometimes no sleep at all.

I tend to get extremely childish. I revert back to the temperament of a three year old. I recall once staying up all night giggling and eating cookies.

I engage in socially unacceptable behavior. For example, I once made an angry speech about my family in front of a shocked Rotary Club.

Infatuation easily takes hold of me. Sometimes I see this as the trigger for mania. A new relationship with a man often marks the beginning of a manic phase. This makes for a short lived, fun filled, wild love affair. Unless I control it like I can now.

Arguments and aggressions are more common and more explosive during a manic phase. Especially towards those closest to me. I pushed my way past both my parents in a shouting rage. I got out of the house even though they knew I was in no shape to go out. Normally I'm a mild person.

In contrast, ultimate euphoria and extreme happiness can sweep me away. I had a wonderful time being hauled away in an ambulance to the psychiatric hospital. I believed the ambulance was luxury transportation with lots of neat toys. The hospital was the setting for my next singing engagement. I was a star. Once at the hospital, I was put in solitary confinement. Here I sang powerfully about the poetic beauty of the world.

Bizarre behavior is part of my mania. It was definitely bizarre and also dangerous to go walking in bare feet with nothing on but a dress when it was minus 30. Singing about the coming of the universal Olympics. Welcoming the aliens to earth. Meanwhile I received severe frostbite on my feet.

As you can see, I behave irresponsibly. I borrowed my boyfriend's truck without permission and went out to my old farm in the middle of the night. The light was on so I went in. I visited for a while in an intense manner. I made myself at home, took a short nap, and took a bath. I got the parents concerned, drove to town, and got rid of the parent following me. The next day someone looked at my tracks and said I was lucky to be alive!

I feel very alive, invincible, and self-centered. I vividly recall walking along a beach hearing everything around me, believing that everything was focused on me. I was God. No one could actually see me, just sense me. It was such a strange and yet sensational feeling.

The paranoia and hallucinations are negative sensations. I was crouched down and terrified in the back of my parent's car. My parents were scared too. In retrospect, they were more scared for me than of what I "saw". Cars seemed to be zooming by at sonic speed. The hallucination continued in the form of a bicyclist riding down the middle of the busy highway.

You may say, "Well I experience some of these symptoms!" The point is for intense mania the symptoms are prolonged, extreme and disruptive. Mania is definitely exciting and I get a lot of attention which is why at first it was hard to want to stop the upward swing. But as I illustrated there were negative aspects that I want to avoid. They cause long hospitalizations which I also want to avoid.

So how do I avoid mania? I have learned to strike a balance between some exciting activities and the rest I need. If I don't keep busy mania may be triggered out of sheer boredom. I know from experience that lack of sleep triggers mania quickly so I have arranged with my psychiatrist to have extra medication at home. Before resorting to drugs and in combination with them, I often listen to relaxing tapes. I sometimes take a warm bath, phone my mom at any time of the night, or read a boring book. I must also handle stress during the day. I do this with a short nap, relaxation techniques, time alone, walking, and/or journaling about my feelings and accomplishments. I need support from many people. These people help me monitor how high I am. They talk to me about my stress level. They help me with my medications or are there for me in the middle of the night. They read articles and books and share them with me and tell me about their experiences with manic depression. I appreciate it when they come visit me, and do activities with me to get my mind off my illness. As you can see, my support helps me mainly with prevention. That's where I'm at now. If you were to come in contact with me when I was manic, what would you do then. First of all, get your mind set on accepting me. This will lessen the fear or uneasiness. Then it depends if I'm aggressive or super happy. I'm usually only aggressive towards people who are trying to stop me. So if I need to be stopped, get the police. Surpriselingly, I respond well to them. If I'm super happy, listen, but don't agree. This escalates my mania. Ask me to rate my own mania and insist that I be honest. Go over my warning signs and give me feedback. If you know someone who has manic depression what kind of support can you offer for mania?

Depression is the dark side of manic depression. I have felt depressed for the clinical time of a minimum of two weeks on more than one occasion. However, when I started to write this portion of my speech, I wrote that I hadn't been clinically depressed. I lessened the symptoms in retrospect. I didn't want to admit depression. I needed to accept on a deeper level the fact that I have an illness. Depression, not just mania, is part of my disorder. For me the most serious sign of depression is serious plans of suicide. I have made these 3 times that I can recall. I now recall the dull, empty feeling of emotional, mental, and physical nothingness. The dread of facing another previously enjoyable activity. The fear that I would never again have anything interesting to say. Sleeping until 3 p.m. everyday. Walking and talking extremely slow. My depression has brought my life to a halt in many ways. It can follow times of stress. For example, it often occurs after a manic phase. Depression is often what makes people with my illness seek treatment.

The treatment plan which I have adopted includes support. The types of support for depression are similar to those for prevention of mania. When people spend time with me and I'm high, I do lots of fast talking. In contrast, when I'm depressed my supporters need to do most of the talking. I want human contact, but I have no where to reach out from. I ask supporters to take the time to coax me out. Reassure me that I am interesting and viable. They slowly encourage me to get involved in self-help or guided groups. I ask for help in finding reasons to get out of bed like appointments and walks and now school. If I'm down there's no better remedy than genuine concern.

Genuine concern, a lot of hard work, and careful consideration have brought me to where I am today. I have maintained balnace since March 2002. My mood fluctuations are kept in line with mood stabilizers and an anti-psychotic medications to keep me from getting out of touch with reality which I use at the minumum level. When insomnia strikes I take extra medication. Therefore, I have avoided at least 5 full blown manic episodes. Everyday I record my balance on a chart. I consider my level of activity, how much sleep I'm getting, how much or how fast I'm talking, my overly positive or negative attitude, and whether I feel worthless or extremely gifted. These are recorded on a scale between 1 and 10. This helps me to stay focused on my balance. To view or use my checklist click here In the past, this scale alerted me as to when it was time to go to the emergency, call my home care workers, or make note that I prevented a manic episode. Exercising helps keep me physically healthy so to stay focused on doing them I record it. Diet is important for people with manic depression as medications can cause weight gain. Because of all this work, I am able to go to school and lead a normal life. I hope to someday be stable enough to work and be relied on to be healthy long term!

In conclusion, I have learned to strike a balance. I am more accepting of myself and others with a mental illness. I hope you will be too!