Openness and Sharing I often share with new friends about my mental health situation. It is amazing how many people have others in their lives that experience bipolar episodes. Sometimes the people themselves have bipolar tendencies. Most everyone is appreciative of my openness to disclose what living with this disorder has been like for me. I answer their questions with honesty. They sense that I accept my lifestyle changes that need to be taken into consideration on a daily basis. Often people comment that I share with such details that they learn a lot about this condition even if they already know someone who has it. Feeling Sorry and My Management Technique The odd time someone has no clue what being bipolar means or they feel sorry for me. But I reassure them that this illness is part of who I am and I accept it. Since I have no family history of mental illness, I say: "This is something I created for myself to cope with stress and stop me when I am going too far. I actually lead a more balanced life than most people because I monitor daily where my stress points are and make changes to manage my stress factors before they get out of hand. If it is beyond my individual ability to stop, then hospitalizations keep me safe if I receive proper treatment. Sleep Getting to sleep early enough to get my required sleep and doing my best to stick to a pre-determined bedtime really makes a difference. Starting my day at a reasonable time helps me stay out of depression and makes it so I am tired enough to go to sleep at night. If I am wore out during the day, I no longer sleep, but I may rest for a short while. Another tactic is to do an activity I find energizing like walking, baking, dancing, listening to music, or playing a game. Daily Rountines I am a student with lots of time to manage on my own. Each week I schedule time for exercise, housecleaning, visiting, appointments, homework, church, grocery shopping, creative time, computer time, connection time with distance and nearby friends and family, cooking, and relaxing time with and without my husband as he may choose to relax at a different time than me. I have added a daily straightening up time within the last hour that I am awake as a way of winding down and reducing stress of living in chaos. Manic Mind I have a theory that when I am manic (and I do not wish to experience this phase just to achieve the following because of the fact that mania wears my body down and causes me to lose rational choice abilities), my mind is capable of accessing far more brain cells and makes more extensive connections. For example, after 5 months of living in a foreign country and very little previous exposure to the language, I was able to converse fluently in the language while hospitalized and had all therapy in that language. While student teaching during my first episode, I spoke fluently and quickly for the first time after only classroom experience with my third language. They do say that bipolar individuals are often very good at school. This is the case for me. But when on the edge of mania, my mind takes off and creative thought processes become fast paced and unfamiliar. I explore in my mind and often feel obliged to write things down in a furious pace. Business ideas and research plans and many of these poems are the result of these times. I just experience last month a phase with such explorations, and I sought help through friends and counseling and my psychiatrist increased my medications since they were too low prior to this, but no action was taken as I appeared to be stable. I feel stable once again, but continue on the higher dosages and deal with side effects. Manic Moments When I am manic, I do not always make decisions based on my normal frame of mind, my balanced perspective. This has lead to manic moments when I perform actions that I really regret afterwards. My mom says that I am not responsible for these inappropriate sidetracks. I ask my family and friends for forgiveness when my actions affect them like when I have been aggressive, annoying, or flirtatious with the wrong people. Yet the most important and difficult step is to grant myself forgiveness and forget the past and move on. I will be walking along by myself and suddenly cringe when I think of what I did. I am thankful that my marriage has survived and that my parents never turned on me. I apologize, yet I still let the issue come up in my own head. When it does pop up, I say to myself: "That is the past, you choose to be where you are today and in the relationships you are in. You take care of these relationships and nurture them. Nurture yourself now and forgive, let go, and forget. Focus on stability." Managing my medications What medications I take changes based on my needs, but I concentrate on making these needs clear to my doctor and psychiatrist so that I get the level and type of medication I require. Doctors cannot make the correct decisions without the correct input. Doctors often tell me that I know my condition and my medications better than they do. I need to. Sometimes doctors make mistakes. Some doctors say I can take an over-the-counter medication like Aspirin, when in fact this would effect the level of Lithium in my blood. Plus being aware of possible side effects is vital. When my medications are at a high level, I often have various side effects. Not all side effects are properly linked to the medication that cause them. I have had psychotic effects from an anti-psychotic medication. What I thought was my manic condition, was actually a rare side-effect. This was discovered by me when I was allowed to discontinue the medication due to problems it was contributing to with weight. If my medications are below therapeutic level, I do not deal with stress that well and moderate stress can set off a hypomanic stage. Still I focus on conversational therapy and help with keeping my environment at home orderly such that medications are not the only assistance I have in dealing with my mood swings.